Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter2

2008-03-24T01:53:12Z

S reed:

It seemed like my horrible premonition had come true.

After class, Haruki didn't disappear instantly from the classroom as usual. This time, he picked me up off the ground as though I weighed nothing, and proceeded to carry me (kicking and yelling) through the corridors, up the stairs, and all the way to just in front of the door leading to the rooftop.

This is not what I meant when I said I wanted to be swept of my feet by a handsome prince. I don’t even want to think about what the rest of the class must have thought…

The door here is usually locked, and the staircase above the fourth floor seems to have been used as a storage room by the Art Club. Giant canvases, near broken picture frames, statues of war gods with missing noses and such are all piled up in this little staircase, making what is supposed to be a narrow space even narrower.

What is he trying to do to me by bringing me here? Is he going to make me his bride? I’m not an alien! Put me down!

He did.

"Help me out."

...Haruki said with both his hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. This feels like a confession.

Great, now I’m blushing.

"Help me make my new club!"

"Okay, wait a minute. Why on earth should I help you make something you just thought up five minutes ago?"

"I’ll need to secure a room for the club as well as members, so I’ll need you to find out what paperwork the administration needs."

He wasn't even listening to me!

I grabbed Haruki’s hands and removed them from my shoulders.

"What exactly is this club going to be about?"

"What does that matter? The most important thing right now is to make the club!"

I really doubt that the school would agree with you about that.

"Listen up, Kyon! After school today, you’ll go and find out what needs to be done, and I'll go and find a room for the club. Okay?"

If I had replied with a ‘NO!’ he’d probably have done something horrible to me. While I was hesitating on how to answer, Haruki had already turned and ran down the stairs, leaving a disoriented female student standing all alone on the dust-filled staircase.

"... But I haven't even agreed to help..."

Sigh, saying that to a plaster statue is pointless. I could only drag my heavy feet back to the classroom, thinking about how I’d explain the previous scene to everybody.

Requirements for organizing an "association":
Five members or more. A sponsor teacher, club name, chairperson for the club, and club activities/goals summary are required—which then requires approval from the Student Council Executive Committee. The club's activities must fit in with the school philosophy of creativity and vivaciousness. Based on the activities' records and results, the Executive Committee would debate on whether to promote the association into a "study group." Furthermore, as an association, the school will not provide any funding.

Searching for the requirements was easy—they’re listed in the back of the student textbook.

Finding members is easy too; we could just grab anyone to make up the numbers, so that won't be a problem. A sponsor teacher is harder to find, but I think I can manage that. As for the name, something inoffensive and ordinary would do. And the chairperson for the club is, no doubt, Haruki himself.

I don’t think, though, that our club activities are going to fall under the heading of "creativity and vivaciousness."

Of course, it's not as if Haruki cares about the rules at all.

As the bell rang for the end of classes, Haruki showed off his ogre-like strength again as he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. It took great effort to make sure that I didn't leave my school bag in the classroom.

"Where are we going?!"

I asked because, well, I'm normal after all. That, and I was panicking at being kidnapped in such a way again.

"Our clubroom!"

Haruki, so full of energy that the people in front of us moved out of the way, answered with that short sentence, then shut his mouth.

Put me down! Your hand is dangerously close to a place that will get you slapped!

After we exited the first floor hallway, we went into another building and up the stairs. We walked into a dark hallway and at its center, Haruki stopped and finally put me down.

There is a door in front of us.

Literature Club

The above crooked nametag is pasted on the door.

"Here it is!"

Without even knocking, Haruki opened the door and walked into the classroom without any consideration. I followed him inside.

It’s a surprisingly large room. Maybe it just seems that way because it only contains a rectangular table, metal chairs, and a bookshelf? Little cracks on the ceiling and the walls showed how ancient this building is.

As if he was included with the room itself, a skinny male student sat alone in a metal chair, reading a big hardcover novel.

"From this day forth, this room shall be ours!"

Haruki crossed his arms as he announced the above formally. His face was shining with that fiery, energetic smile.

If only he’d show that smile in class...

Of course, there’s no way I’d say that thought out loud.

"Wait just a minute. What is this place?"

"This is the Cultural and Arts club building. It has art and music rooms for the Art Club and the Orchestra Club. Clubs and associations without a regular clubroom all hold their activities here in this building, known as the ‘Old Complex’. And this classroom happens to belong the Literature Club."

Did he memorize all that?

"But then what about the Literature Club?"

"After all the third year students graduated this spring, the club had zero members. As no new members were recruited, the club was going to be canceled.”

But then what about the guy in the corner?

“By the way, he's a first year who's their only new member."

"Then they haven't been canceled yet!"

"Bah, same difference! A club with only one member is the same as a club with none."

You… idiot! We’re going to take over other people's clubrooms now?

I took a quick look at the Literature Club student.

He had glasses and short hair. Haruki was being very loud, but the student, however, didn't even lift his head. Apart from occasionally flipping the pages with his fingers, she appeared stationary, completely ignoring our presence. Another strange one…

I lowered my voice and asked Haruki:

"So what about him, then?"

"Oh, him? He said it doesn’t matter!"

"What? Really?"

"I asked him already at lunch time. I said I needed him to lend me the room and he said 'go ahead'. He’s fine with it as long as he can read his books here in peace. Now that you mention it, though, he is pretty weird."

You’re one to talk, Haruki!

This time, I observed him more carefully.

His skin was pale, his face expressionless. His fingers were moving rhythmically like a machine. He wore very thick, square glasses.

He looked like some kind of living doll; the ones crazed toy makers bring to life.

Yeah, he’s definitely a weirdo.

Maybe he noticed my intrusive observation, because the student suddenly lifted his head and pushed the bridge of his glasses up with his index finger.
His deep-colored eyes stared at me from under those thick lenses. Neither his eyes nor his lips showed any expression at all, like his face was a mask. He’s quite a bit different from Haruki—his face fundamentally shows no sign of emotion. It’s kind of scary, really.

"Nagato Yuuki."

His tone suggested that most people would forget his name within three seconds of hearing it.

Nagato Yuuki stared at me for a moment; then as if losing interest, he turned his attention back to his book.

"Hey, Nagato-kun," I called out, "Haruki here wants to use your club room for an I-have-no-idea-what-club. Is this all right with you?"

"Yes."

Nagato's gaze never left his book once.

"But, um, we might be trouble for you."

"No matter."

"You might even get thrown out."

"Feel free."

He answered my questions immediately, but he still showed no expression whatsoever. I guess he really doesn’t care after all.

Haruhi shrugged at me, then grinned.

"Right, then it's decided!”

He sounds hyper, which gives me a bad feeling. How much caffeine have you had today, Haruki?

"From now on, we will meet in this room after class. Be sure you show up!"

He said this with a smile as brilliant as the crescent moon. Reluctantly, I nodded my head.

If I don’t agree, he might just decide to carry me off to a love hotel or something equally horrible.

The next day after school, due to my newfound duties, I had to turn down Taniguchi and Kunikida's offer to walk home with them, though I won’t miss their snide remarks about my figure.

So, I reluctantly dragged my heavy feet and headed towards the clubroom.
Haruhi had only said, "You go first!" and dashed out of the classroom with a speed that the Track and Field Club so badly needed. He’s really fast… I wondered if he had added rockets to his shoes. Is that speed because he was in a hurry to find new club members, or because he’d taken a step forward to meeting aliens?

I can’t possibly match that speed. So, moving slowly, and thanking my stars that he didn’t decide to pick me up again, I headed towards the Literature Club room.

As I entered the clubroom, I discovered Nagato Yuuki already inside, sitting in the same position, reading his book. I approached him slowly, but just like yesterday his head was completely buried in the book, my presence all but ignored. Was the Literature Club a pure reading club? I guess there’s no other reason why he’d be reading all the time.

There was nothing but silence in the clubroom.

"... What are you reading?"

I asked, not being able to stand the silence any longer. Nagato Yuuki answered by raising the book and showing me the cover. My eyes saw a large bunch of dazzling foreign words; it seemed like some sort of science fiction novel, the kind my dad always reads.

"Is it interesting?"

Nagato Yuki pushed his glasses upwards effortlessly before replying in an empty tone:

"Unique."

I guess he’d answer anything I asked him.

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"So you like reading?"

"Very."

"I see..."

"..."

And we’re back to silence again.

As I put my bag down on the desk, I wondered if I could just leave and not deal with Haruki. But just as I prepared to sit down on the steel chair, somebody kicked the door open.

"Hi!" Haruki said expansively, striding through the doorway. "Sorry for being late, but it took a while to, heh, catch him!" He dragged a shorter boy into the room, and then turned and closed the door behind him with an ominous finality.

The boy twitched nervously at the click of the lock. He was small and slim, looking more like a middle school student playing dress-up in a North High uniform. His brown hair was tousled in a sort of childish way, and his large puppy-dog eyes cast around with a silent appeal for help. He reminds me a bit of my little brother.

This is Haruki's "chosen candidate"?

"W-where am I?" the boy said tremulously. "What is this place? Why have you brought me here?"

"Silence!"

The boy flinched at Haruki's sudden threatening tone, and gave an involuntary yelp as Haruki pounced on him, a companionable arm around his shoulders, a huge smile beaming on his face. "This is Asahina Mitsuuru," Haruki said, gesturing with his other hand.

After announcing the boy’s name, Haruhi stopped talking. Wait, that’s the entire introduction?

Silence, yet again, engulfed the classroom. Haruki looked satisfied with his "job well done"; Nagato Yuuki, as usual, kept reading his book without any sign of emotion; and the boy called Asahina Mitsuuru was simply scared out of his wits. Why is nobody saying anything?

So, I started the conversation.

"Where did you kidnap him from?"

I had my hands on my hips as I said this. Maybe being more forceful with Haruki will make him stop this insanity.

"Eh, I didn’t kidnap him! I just forced him to come with me."

That's the same thing!

"He was off daydreaming in one of the second year classrooms, so I grabbed him from there. I've seen him around a lot of times, and I figured that he'd be just perfect for our plans."

Plans? What plans? Wait, so that's what you've been doing during recess time when you're nowhere to be seen in the classroom.

No, wait again, now isn't the time to think about this.

"Look, doesn't that make him an upperclassman?"

Though he doesn’t look like one… but I’m not in any position to talk.

“And that matters because…?”

I looked at him in disbelief. He must have been absent the day that they handed out brains. In any case, being more forceful is not working well.

I sighed. "Okay then... tell me, why did you need to go out of your way to find, erm, Asahina-senpai, right?"

"Just take a look!" Haruki slapped Asahina-sempai on the back with some force, causing him to stumble towards me. I took an involuntary step backwards, and Asahina-sempai ended up grabbing the edge of the table for support.

"See how weak he is?" Haruki declared. "See how easily he's defeated? What he needs is guts! Guts and courage! If you have those, then you'll never be beaten, but if you lack them, then you'll never amount to anything! You won't be worthy of being called a man!"

You know, that really isn’t very nice.

Haruki grasped the air with his fist “Therefore, this will be our club’s first project! To turn this runty weakling, this non-man, into a man to be envied by all! A man among men!”

My first thought was that Haruki had gone so far off the deep end that he’d come out the other side. He does have a point though… Asahina-senpai is probably the least manly man I’d ever seen. He’d be pretty popular with some girls, though. And at least he’s not as crazy as certain unnamed individuals.

“Hey, t-that’s too mean!”

Asahina Mitsuuru had gotten up off the ground, and turned to face Haruki.

“I-I’m a man too, you know!”

"Oh? Is that so?" Haruki draped his arms around Asahina-senpai again.

He looks like a dangerous kidnapper like that.

"How much of a man are you, really?"

Oh no, his eyes look dangerous! Run, Asahina-senpai!

His hand moved down Asahina Mitsuuru’s body, down to...

Oh. Oh my god.

I wasn't sure who screamed first, but I like to think that it was Asahina-sempai, because it's less embarrassing for me. Haruki had gone too far this time.

"Stop that!" I shouted, trying to push the two of them apart. "What the hell do you think you're doing? That's sexual harassment!"

Do you want to be sued!?

“Heh heh, well, what do you know…” Haruhi chuckled without any shame whatsoever. “He is a man after all. You wanna check too?”

I flushed immediately.

“What? No!”

Haruki finally let go of Asahina-senpai, who sagged onto the ground, exhausted.

“You see what I mean, though? If we can turn something like that into the living embodiment of man, the righteousness of our cause shall have been proven to all! All of this, of course, is but a small part of my plan.”

This plan of yours seems dangerous, and not something any sane person would want to get involved with.

“So that’s why you kidnapped him? To make him manlier?”

Asahina-senpai was looking at me with tearful eyes. Maybe he thinks I’m going to save him?

"Well, I thought we could use him to advertise our club too. Kind of like a… mascot character, that’s it. Something like that."

...It’s official. Haruki’s idiocy has broken the bounds of normality. He could join a freak show as “The Most Dangerous Idiot Ever”.

"Oi, Mitsuru-kun, you in any clubs?" Haruki demanded.

"Y... Yes... the Home Economics Club..."

"Quit that! Not manly enough. Besides, it’ll get in the way of my club activities."

Hey, Haruki! That’s way too unreasonable!

Asahina-senpai focused that puppy-dog stare at me, begging to be rescued, and I had to avert my eyes. He then turned his gaze onto the still silent person sitting in the corner of the clubroom, who didn’t even look his way. But Asahina-senpai's eyes widened in surprise, and he gasped.

"I... I understand," he said, in the tone of voice usually reserved for the utterly defeated. "I'll quit the Home Economics club, and join your club..."

What did he just understand?

He hesitated. "But I'm not sure what the Literature club actually does..."

"Oh, don’t worry about that. We're not the Literature club," Haruki explained.
As Asahina-senpai looked puzzled, I cut in to explain.

"We're just temporarily borrowing this room for our club activities. The club you have joined is actually a new association that Suzumiya Haruki will create in the near future. We don't know what activities there will be; we don't even have a name."

"...I’m sorry, what...?"

"Oh, and that guy sitting over there is the real and only Literature Club member."

"Oh..."

Asahina-senpai blinked slowly in astonishment, his mouth hanging open. Yeah, that's a predictable reaction.

"It’s no problem at all!"

Cheerful to the point of not being responsible for anything, Haruki smacked Asahina-senpai's shoulder hard.

"I've already thought of the name! That's the most important part of forming a club!"

I thought gathering members was the most important part… oh, whatever.

I glared at Haruki.

"Okay," I said, injecting as much scepticism into my voice as possible, "let's hear it."

I really don’t want to hear the name, but since I already asked, Haruki took a deep breath, in preparation for the momentous revelation of his grand vision.

As everybody knows, it all began as a result of Suzumiya Haruki's simple and naive vision, and for no other reason. And so... the name of our new club has been decided:

The SOS Brigade!

Save the World by

Overloading it with Fun

Suzumiya Haruki's Brigade

The Save the World by Overloading it with Fun: Suzumiya Haruki's Brigade, abbreviated as SOS Brigade.

I give you all permission to laugh.

But before I could even do that though, I stood utterly dumbstruck.

(Why on earth is it called "Brigade"? It should be "Save the World by Overloading it with Fun: Suzumiya Haruki's Brigade", but since the club still hadn't satisfied the minimum requirements to become an association and no one but Haruki was sure what the club was all about, Haruki simply said "Well then, let's call it a brigade!" And so the club name was now magnificently born.)

Upon hearing the name, Asahina-senpai closed his mouth dejectedly. Nagato Yuuki could be counted as an outsider, and I didn't know what to say. And so, the motion for the new club name was passed, with one for and three abstentions. The SOS Brigade is now open for business! This is such a wonderful occasion!

Why I am involved in a brigade like this?

I covered my face with my hand.

Sigh… just… do whatever you want!

After saying "Meet here every day after school, or else!” Haruki called it a day.

Asahina-senpai's shoulders drooped, his lifeless figure walking along the corridor further giving off an impression of sadness.

There’s no way I could put up with seeing something like that, so I called out to him.

"Senpai."

"Yes?"

He looked at me with his innocent face, which didn't even look older than mine.

"Look, you don’t have to join a weird club like this if you don’t want to. Don’t worry about Suzumiya; I'll find a way to explain it to him."

"No."

He stopped and smiled at me:

"It's all right. I want to join."

"But this might end up being dangerous for you!”

"That doesn’t matter. Haven’t you joined too?"

No! Whether I joined or not is not the issue here!

"I guess this is the absolute outcome on this Temporal Plane..."

He said with his round eyes staring far off in the distance.

"Um, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Besides, I'm interested in Nagato-san's presence..."

"Interested?"

"E-eh? No, nothing."

Asahina-senpai shook his head in trepidation.

Then Asahina-senpai smiled, looking embarrassed, and gave me a deep bow.
"I may be of trouble, so please bear with me from now on."

“You really don't have to do that..."

"And please, call me Mitsuuru from now on."

He smiled.

Aww… he’s so cute!

The following is a conversation I had with Haruki the next day.

"You know what my Brigade needs next?"

"…What?”

"A mysterious transfer student!"

I sighed.

"What, exactly, defines a “mysterious transfer student”?"

"Those that get transferred two months after the school term has started are, without exception, mysterious transfer students."

"Or maybe it's just because their parents got a job transfer and they were forced to come along."

"Bah, that would be too forced and unnatural!"

"You know, I’d really like to know what you of all people considers unnatural.”

"Mm, mysterious transfer students… when will they appear?”

"Why don’t you ever listen to me?!”

Rumours had started to flow in the school that Haruki and I were plotting something.

"Just what exactly are you up to with Haruki?"

Taniguchi seems upset.

"You’re not (gasp) DATING him, are you?"

No way! And if there’s anyone who’d like to know just what we’re doing, it’s me!

"Just don’t do anything too stupid, okay? You're no longer junior high students, they’ll at least suspend you if you vandalize the sports field!"

If it were just Haruki acting alone, I could simply ignore him. But now that he’s got Nagato Yuuki-kun and Asahina Mikuru-senpai— I don’t want them getting involved in this madness.

The thing is though, Haruki’s strong enough to carry me off anywhere he wants… there’s no way I can stop him!

"We need a computer!"

Since the SOS Brigade was founded, the Literature Club room started to have more and more stuff besides the rectangular table, steel chairs and bookshelf.

In the corner now stood a portable hanger cabinet, a flask and cups, a teapot, a CD/MD playing radio, a freezer, sound recorder, cooking pan, bowl, all sorts of cooking utensils, and a PS2. Does he plan to live here or something?

At this moment, Haruki is sitting on a desk he managed to nick from who-knows-where. For some reason, a black triangular pyramid with the words "Brigade Commander" stood on the desk.

"It’s a tragedy! This is the Age of Information, and a Brigade as important as mine doesn’t even have a computer!"

What are you talking about?

In any case, all the members were here today. Nagato Yuuki was in his usual spot, reading a hardback book about a minor satellite of Saturn falling down, or something like that. Asahina-senpai, who didn't have to come, had still obediently arrived and was seated on a steel chair, looking confused.

Haruki jumped off the desk and ran towards me with a sinister smile.

"Which is why I'm going to obtain one now," Haruki said, like a hunter looking for its prey.

"What, you mean a computer? Where from? Please don’t tell me you plan on robbing an electronics store…"

"No, no! Why go all that way when there’s one much closer?"

"Follow me!" Asahina-senpai and I complied with Haruki's orders and followed him down the corridor, eventually arriving at the Computer Club two rooms away.

I’m beginning to see where he’s going with this.

"Take this."

Haruki handed me an instant camera.

"Listen up, Kyon! I’ll tell you my brilliant plan, and you must follow it no matter what! There’s only one chance and one chance only!"

Haruki bent down and whispered his so-called "plan" in my ear.

"What!? You can't do that! That’s blackmail!"

"Does it matter? Besides, this plan is but a small part of my Master Plan!"

“But… Asahina-senpai…”

“Silence!”

Great. Just great. I turned to a puzzled looking Asahina-senpai, trying to warn him by winking at him.

Run, run, or you’ll be well done!

[Editor’s note: I apologize for the Kefka reference. Jintor, feel free to get rid of it if you want.]

But Asahina-senpai looked surprised at me and started blushing. Hey, exactly what ideas are you getting?

Just as I was about to run away with Asahina-senpai to avoid certain doom, Haruki had knocked on the Computer Club room door.

"What’s up, people?! We’ve decided to come and collect a computer from you!"

The spacing is similar, but compared to our room, this room was narrower. Each of the evenly spaced desks had a desktop computer on it with CD sound effects. The computer fans whirling away were the only sounds heard in the room.

The five girls sitting on their seats typing on their keyboards all stuck their heads out towards the door to see what Haruki was up to.

"So, who’s in charge here!?"

Haruhi smiled pompously.

A short female student stood up and answered.

"I'm the president, can I help you?"

"Do I really have to repeat myself? As I said: give me a computer."

The nameless Computer Study Group president displayed a "What the hell?" expression and violently shook her head.

"No way! Since the school doesn’t give us enough money, we bought these computers ourselves, with hard-earned cash! We’re not just going to give them to you for free! Do you think we’re idiots?"

"What does it matter? We only need one, and you have soooo many!"

Haruki said this while sweeping his hand across the room.

"That... wait a minute, who are you guys anyway?"

"I am Suzumiya Haruki, Supremely Manly Commander of the SOS Brigade, and these are Subordinate One and Subordinate Two."

Since when are we your subordinates?

"In the name of my SOS Brigade, I demand that you hand over a computer at once! No excuses!”

"Look, I have no clue who you guys are, but no way are you getting a computer from us! You go buy your own"

"Fine then. We have our… (heh) ways."

Haruki's eyes blazed with confidence. I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

Haruki walked over to one of the shelves on the wall.

"I've heard about a certain group of girls who are totally into some really nasty, forbidden-in-school stuff. They even produce their own doujinshi manga to sell at Comiket, the major part of it all using a very public school club fund..."

Haruki punched the section of wall beneath the shelf, making a box fall down. Many books fell from it with their pages wide open.

I blushed very hard at all those man-on-man images. This is sick.

“I-I can explain!”

The president began to protest loudly.

“Those are our, um, private, um…”

“Silence.”

Haruki had apparently had enough.

“Here’s how this is going to go down. You’re going to give us a computer, and I won’t tell anyone that you’re making gay porn manga with the school’s money.”

"Did you come here just to blackmail us?" One of the members asked.

“No, I came here to extort a computer from you.”

That’s the same thing!

“No.”

The president had decided to stand up for herself.

“Even if you tell the administration, we can just get rid of them! You’ll have no proof! What do you say to that?”

Haruki grinned like the Cheshire Cat.

“Kyon, take a photo of contents of that box, would you?”

Click!

I reluctantly pressed the shutter. Great, now I’m an accomplice in blackmail.

“Kyaaaaaah!”

That would be the president shrieking.

“Y-you still don’t have any proof! That photo could have been taken in any room in this building!”

Still grinning, Haruki swept the hair back out of his face.

“Okay, then. We’ll trade. We’ll take your computer, and you can have Mitsuuru-kun as your personal shouta butler. I notice you seem to be into that kinda thing.”

The president blushed slightly and looked sideways at Asahina-senpai.

“Our personal butler… but how do I know he isn’t just some girl you grabbed and threw into a male uniform?”

“Oh, that’s easy enough.”

Haruki pushed Asahina-senpai, who was standing awestruck next to her, towards the president, and then he grabbed her and put it in Asahina-senpai’s pants.

"Kyaaaaaa!!"

"Whaaaaa!?"

Click!

At the sound of the two screaming, I clicked the camera shutter again.

Haruki grabbed Asahina-senpai, preventing him from escaping, and then shoved the president towards him. Asahina-senpai collapsed, the president on top of him.

"Kyon! One more picture!"

Once again, I pressed the shutter. Asahina-senpai, nameless president, you both have my sincerest apologies.

"Wha-what the hell!?"

The president had rolled of Asahina-senpai.

Haruki wiggled his finger at the furiously blushing president.

"If the photos of your gay porn isn’t enough, this should be enough for the administration to disband your club!”

"What kind of joke is this!?"

The president protested furiously once again. I feel really sorry for her.

"You forcefully grabbed my hand! I'm innocent this time!"

This time?

"Really now? Who’s going to believe you? With the rumours and my photographic evidence, there’s no way you’re getting out of this one.”

I turned and looked at Asahina-senpai lying face on the ground paralysed. He must have been in so much shock that all energy had left him.

In the meantime, the president continued to resist.

"My members are all witnesses to my innocence! That wasn’t my fault!"

The four members who were standing dumbstruck around the room all nodded their heads vehemently.

"That's right!"

"Our president is innocent!"

Haruki wouldn’t be Haruki if he actually listened to you. It’d be easier just to give up the computer.

The already wide smile on Haruki’s face got even wider.

"Right, then I'll just say you girls gang-raped him!"

You could have heard a pin drop.

“T-that’s stupid! Girls can’t rape guys!”

“Really now? Let me tell you a story. A poor, innocent upperclassman was passing through this hallway, when he happened upon a group of sick, depraved females. These women decided to entice him into their den of evil with candy and other such sweets, but, lo! When he entered, he was set upon by the cruel women, who proceeded to touch him in all sorts of uncomfortable places! Fortunately, I happened along, and managed to get evidence of their crimes before rescuing the helpless upperclassman! Behold, for I am now a hero!”

Haruki laughed long and loud.

I think this is the point where I should check him into a mental asylum.

"S... Suzumiya-san...! T-that’s not what happened…"

Asahina-senpai desperately looped his arms around Haruki's legs, but Haruki simply kicked him off. He then inflated his chest and arrogantly said:

"So, what is it then? Are you giving us a computer? Or having your reputation ruined forever?"

The president's face went from red to white, finally turning dark.

In the end, she surrendered.

"Just pick one and get out!"

Having said that, the president sat down dejectedly. Her members all rushed towards her.

"President!"

"Are you okay?"

"It’s going to be all right!"

The president's head drooped like a puppet whose strings were broken. Seeing such a broken figure, even if I am Haruki's companion, I couldn't help but shed tears of sadness for her.

"Which one is the latest model?"

Haruki! That’s enough! You’re so cold-blooded!

"Why should we tell you!?"

The angry members continued their meagre resistance, but Haruhi simply pointed at me and the camera I was still holding.

"Goddammit… that one.”

Haruki looked in the direction the president pointed and inspected the model and serial number of the computer. Then, he took out a piece of paper from his blazer pocket.

"I went to the electronics store and asked for a list of the latest models. This isn’t one of them."

How far ahead has he planned everything out? This is getting to be a bit scary.

After inspecting all the other computers, Haruki pointed to one of them.

"Give me this one."

"W... wait! We just bought that last month!"

"Camera."

"... T-take it, you thieves!"

Like she said, we were truly thieves.

Haruki's greed truly knew no bounds. After plucking all the cables and wires, he moved all the necessary equipment back to the Literature Club room without any consideration. He then had the Computer Club people reinstall the wires for us and had them lay two Internet cables from their room to ours, so we could use the Internet. He even forced them to set up an Intranet for us. He’s not better than a common criminal!

"Senpai."

Since I was totally helpless in the face of the Lunacy of Suzumiya Haruki, I could only shake the shoulder of a scarred and devastated Asahina-senpai, who was kneeling on the ground, covering his face and sobbing endlessly.

"Let's go back."

"Sob..."

Haruki, you idiot, aren’t you supposed to be making Asahina-senpai more manly!? Not turning him into a nervous wreck!

I comforted poor Asahina-senpai, while mumbling about what on earth Haruki wanted a computer for.

Very soon, I would find out.

And that is to make an SOS Brigade website!

This begs the question: Who should make the website?

"You, of course!" Haruki said.

"You’ve got a lot of free time, so you do it!”

What about you?

“I'm too busy looking for more members!"

The computer was placed on the desk with the "Brigade Commander" pyramid.

Haruki added while surfing the net with his mouse:

"Complete it within the next day or so. We can’t start doing anything without a web page."

Asahina-senpai's body lay draped over the desk, his shoulders shivering, next to where Nagato Yuuki is sitting, who, as usual just reads a book, ignoring everything. Since it seems like I'm the only one who heard what Haruki was saying, I had no choice but to comply with him. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what Haruki himself thought.

"Look, even if you say that, I can’t design your website."

Haruki sighed.

"What if I get you a nice present then? I promise you'll like it!"

...? Is he being generous for once?

I guess I should go ahead and try to make the web page then, although I haven't ever made one before. Besides, it sounds pretty interesting.

And so, my arduous website design began on the second day.

Even having said that, it was much easier than I thought it’d be. Because the Computer Club girls already had installed all the software on the hard drive, all I needed to do was just follow the program’s instructions, do some copy and pasting, and that was it.

The problem is, though, what should I put on the website?

Right now, I still didn't know what the SOS Brigade is about, so I had absolutely no idea what to write about. After writing 'Welcome to the SOS Brigade Home Page!' on the top, I simply stopped.

"Hurry up and finish it, you hear?"

Haruki's words resounded like a curse in between my ears, so I had to spend lunch break in the clubroom designing the rest of the website.

"Nagato-kun, do you have any ideas on what to write?" I asked.

Nagato seemed to come here even during lunch break.

"Not really."

He didn't even look up. I know this is none of my business, but does he even pay attention in class?

Turning my eyes from Nagato back to the 17-inch monitor, I fell back into deep thought.

I suddenly thought of a problem: what would happen if the school found out that a yet-to-be-recognized association is using their bandwidth to host a website?

"Eh, don’t worry!" I imagined Haruki replying, "If they do find out, we’ll just abandon the whole thing. First come, first served, you know?"

Really, in some ways, I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's happy-go-lucky attitude towards life!

After making some website links and writing the email address— it's a bit early to set up a forum— I uploaded the website, which only contained a front page without any details on it.

That should satisfy him! After making sure the page could load, I switched off the computer. As I was about to stretch, I was startled to find Nagato standing right behind me.

Weird! How come I didn't hear his footsteps? I didn't know when Nagato arrived behind me. His face was as white as a mask. He stared at me with his poker face as though I was some eye test chart.

"Take this."

He handed me a very thick book, which I impulsively took. It sure is heavy!

Looking at the cover, it was the science fiction novel Nagato was reading a few days ago.

"For you."

After saying that, Nagato left the room without even turning back; I didn't even have time to say anything. Why are you lending such a thick book to me? Is this your idea of a confession or something?

At that moment, the bell rang signalling the end of lunch break. It seems like there aren't a lot of people who respect my opinion.

After I carried the hardback book back to the classroom and sat down, I felt someone tugging at my ponytail.

"So, is my website done?"

Haruki held the edges of the desk and stared at me with a rigid face. I noticed that his notebook was full of scribbles here and there. As I replied, I tried to ignore the stares of my classmates.

"Yeah, it's done, but it's a simple, crappy little website."

"Good enough! All it needs is an email address!"

Why can't you register your own free email address!?

"That won't do! What if a lot of people sent their mail in and flooded my inbox?"

I don't get it How a newly registered email address could get flooded with mail so quickly?

"That’s top secret!"

He gave a sinister grin after he said this. Part of your master plan again, Haruki?

Once again, I have a baaaad feeling about this.

"Don’t worry! You’ll find out after school, but until then, it's classified information."

[Editor’s note: I did that on purpose.]

Please, I’d rather never find out what it is!

In sixth period, Haruki was nowhere to be seen in class. He couldn't have gone home, could he? No, that’d be too easy for me. It's probably just another bad omen.

Very soon, it was the end of class, and I started automatically walking towards the clubroom. Though my footsteps never stopped, I did wonder why I was going there. Finally, I arrived.

"Hi there!"

As expected, there sat Nagato Yuuki and Asahina-senpai.

I know I'm not one to criticize, but these two certainly have a lot of free time on their hands.

Seeing me enter, Asahina-senpai greeted me with a relieved expression. I guess having to spend time alone with Nagato can be exhausting, huh?

Hey, wait a minute! You suffered through Haruki's evil clutches yesterday, and you're still coming today?

"Where's Suzumiya-san?"

"God knows. [Editor’s note: In the original. Lawls.] He hasn't been in the class since sixth period. He probably went off to steal equipment from somewhere again."

“Will, um, will I have to do what Suzumiya-san had me do yesterday again...?"

Seeing how depressed poor Asahina-senpai looked, I said gently:

"Don't worry! If he tries anything strange again, I'll do everything in my power to stop him! He can use his own body for blackmail! I may not be as strong as he is, but I’m sure I can get him to listen to me!"

"Thank you."

He gave me a cute little bow as he said this.

I really felt like giving him a big hug. I didn’t, though. People would probably get the wrong idea.

"Then I'm counting on you."

"It’s problem at all!"

Even though I repeatedly assured him, five minutes later, all those reassurances got thrown out the window, into the sea, and evaporated like a water droplet on the surface of the sun. I am -such- an idiot!

"Hey, everybody!"

Haruki greeted us energetically as he entered the room, carrying with him two paper bags. Oh wait, is that the present he promised me?

"Sorry guys, I got delayed."

Just like you, isn’t it? For someone as obsessive as Haruki, being considerate of others is probably the last thing on his mind.

Placing the paper bags on the ground, Haruki turned and locked the door. Asahina-senpai reflexively shuddered upon hearing the door click. Is he like a trained animal that’s learned to expect impending doom when hearing that noise?

"Suzumiya, what are you planning today? I’m putting my foot down, we’re not doing any more stealing or blackmail!"

"What are you talking about? I’d never be involved in something like that!”

Really now? Then how, exactly, do you explain the computer on the desk!?

"Tribute from my vassals! Anyway, moving on, take a look at THIS!"

He pulled out a huge stack of A4 papers with some handwriting on them from one of the paper bags.

"These fliers will spread the Word of the SOS Brigade to everyone! Believe me, it took me a lot of hard work to sneak into the photocopying room and print these 200 fliers!"

Haruki handed out the fliers to us. So that's why you skipped class, huh? Consider yourself lucky that the teachers didn’t catch you. Though I bet they’re wondering what happened to all the paper in the photocopier…
I wasn't the least bit interested in what was written on the fliers, but since I've already taken one, I guess I’ll read it.

[SIZE="4"][FONT="Impact"]The SOS Brigade founding principle:
We, the SOS Brigade, are seeking all sorts of paranormal events in this world. We welcome anyone who has experienced, is experiencing, or senses that they will experience any kind of supernatural or mysterious events to come to us for consultation. We will do our best to answer your questions. Please note, however, that we do not handle normal paranormal events; it must be an abnormal paranormal event for us to even be interested. Our email address is... [/FONT][/SIZE]

I'm starting to have a faint idea of what the SOS Brigade is all about now. Though, considering what Haruki said way back when, maybe all this just his convoluted way of finding himself a bride?

I’m confused now.

"Right then, it’s time to hand out the fliers."

"Where do we do that?"

"At the school gate. At this time of day, there are still a lot of students who haven't gone home yet."

Yes, yes, yes, whatever you say, Captain Haruki. Just as I'm about to pick up the paper bag with the fliers, he stopped me.

"You don't have to go, just Mitsuuru-kun and myself will do."

"Sorry?"

Asahina-senpai, who was carrying a flier in his small hands, turned his head looking puzzled. I turned and saw Haruki fumbling through the other paper bag, taking out something.

"Voila!"

Smiling as happily as a robotic cat, Haruki pulled out a piece of black leather. Oh, no way! As Haruki finished emptying the contents of the paper bag from the fourth dimension, I understood why he wanted Asahina-senpai to hand out fliers with him. Asahina-senpai, you have my prayers for your soul!

Black leather pants, a bow tie, white cuffs, and a sleeveless white tuxedo shirt.

Chippendales!?

…I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad in my entire life that I’m not the one getting a present.

"W... What are those for?" Asahina-senpai asked timidly.

"You should know. To dress up as a male stripper!" Haruki said unblushingly.

"Y-You can’t possibly expect me to wear that in public d-do you?"

"Of course! I even bought one for you!"

"I... I'm not wearing that!"

"Don't worry, it’ll fit perfectly! I know your measurements by heart!"

"W-when did you…! Never mind… y... you wouldn't want me to wear that at the school entrance, w-would you?"

“Of course! Aren’t you a man!"

"I don't wanna wear the stripper outfit!"

"Bah! Shut up and put it on!”

That’s it. Haruki leapt onto Asahina-senpai, like a tiger preying upon a helpless samba deer, and began ripping of his uniform.

"NOOO..."

"Now be a big boy and don't move!" Haruki said roughly while swiftly pulling off Asahina-senpai's blazer and moving onto Asahina-senpai's pants. Just as I was about to stop Haruki's insanity, my eyes met Asahina-senpai's.

"D... DON'T LOOK!!"

Hearing his scream, I hurriedly ran towards the door... and damn it! The door's locked! It took a couple minutes before I could unlock the door and rush out of the room.

Before I left, I took one quick look backwards — I saw Nagato reading his book as if nothing had happened. Doesn't he have anything to say about this!? This is wrong!

I leaned back on the door, hearing poor Asahina-senpai's screams from behind it.

"Kyaa~~!!" "Nooo!" "A... at least let me take it off myself... Sob~~!"

These are mixed in with Haruki's yells of victory.

"That's great!" "Take that off! Quickly!" "You should have done what I said!"

I really, really don’t want to think about what’s going on inside that room.

A moment later, Haruki's voice came through the door.

"Hey! Come back in and check us out!”

As I sighed, entering the room, I was greeted by the sight of two Chippendale dancers.

Aggh… their pants are so tight as to show every part of their lower body off in [I]great[/I] detail…

Haruki, predictable fits the costume like he was born for it, but Asahina-senpai... his personality doesn’t go well with the costume at all.

Just as I was wondering whether to try to comfort his crying face and say, "The costume suits you," Haruki said:

"Well, what do you think?"

Is your skull badly damaged!? What do you think I think!?

"This is going to grab everyone's attention.” said Haruhi. “At this rate, people will definitely come to get the flyers! Especially if I do this!"

At that, Haruhi began slowly unbuttoning his shirt while gyrating his hips and rocking his head from side to side.

Oh my god. I could feel the blood rushing to my face.

“S-stop it!”

That was the only thing I could think of to say.

“What? You don’t like it?”

“Please, just promise me you won’t do that in public…”

“But that’d destroy the whole point of wearing something like this!"

"If you do such strange things like that out in the open, people are going to look at you funny... Wait a minute, how come Nagato-kun doesn't need to wear this?"

"I only bought two sets. Since they come with accessories, they were very expensive."

"Where'd you buy this stuff anyway?"

"Internet."

[Editor’s note: Lol Fairly Oddparents.]

"... Right."

Haruki picked up the paper bag containing the flyers.

"Let's go, Mitsuuru-kun."

Asahina-senpai hugged himself tightly and looked at me pleadingly.

I'm so sorry, Asahina-senpai. I just couldn't dredge up any resistance. Besides, Haruki’s stripping nearly killed me.

Asahina-senpai tried to grab the table and resist, sobbing like a kid, but he was no match for Haruki’s strength. He was dragged away by Haruki, and the two Chippendales disappeared from the room. Just as I sat down dejectedly, feeling really guilty...

"That."

Nagato Yuuki pointed on the ground. I looked and saw two male uniforms lying there... Erm, are those heart-patterned boxers I just saw?

The thin, spectacled boy pointed at the cabinet at the other side of the room and then went back to reading his book.

Can't you pick up the clothes yourself!?

I sighed and went to pick up their clothes, placing them in the cabinet. Aggh, you could feel their body heat on the clothes! They're still warm! Ew!

Half an hour later, an exhausted Asahina-senpai returned. It looked like he had been crying. Should I say something? I hurriedly gave him a chair, and like last time, he simply sat down and drooped towards the table, his shoulders shivering. Looks like he doesn't even have the strength to change. In the face of such despair, my maternal instincts kicked in, so I took off my cardigan and draped it across his little shoulders. The presence of a sobbing Chippendale dancer and a bookworm who didn't care about what was going on, along with me who was utterly at a loss with what to do, had brought the atmosphere of the room to an all-time low. The screams of the Baseball Club could be heard in the distance.

As I was about to think of what to make for dinner tonight, Haruki returned.

The first thing he did was grind his teeth angrily:

"Damn them! Damn those teachers! They always get in my way!"

Not sure why he was so angry, I coolly asked:

"There a problem?"

"I hadn't even handed out half the fliers and in comes a stupid teacher asking us to stop handing them out! What the hell is wrong with her?"

Idiot! If the teachers ignored something like students dressing up as Chippendales and handing out flyers at the school entrance, then that'd be abnormal!

"Mitsuuru-kun was nearly in tears, I got taken to see the Principal, and then Handball Queen Okabe showed up!"

I’ll bet the Principal and Okabe-sensei probably didn't know where to put their eyes when looking at you dressed in that outfit.

[Editor’s note: Yes, I mistakenly kept the principal as male in my version of Chapter One. I’ll fix that.]

"Gah, this makes me ANGRY! That's it! You’re all dismissed!"

Haruki slowly took off his cuffs and then proceeded to strip of his shirt. I immediately ran out of the room at top speed.

"How long are you going to cry like that? Where are your balls now, eh? Hurry up and change!"

I leaned on the corridor wall and waited for them to change. In any case, it doesn’t look like he was doing that to attract women; just that he was trying to attract attention in general. Does he even know how an outfit like that would affect people?

It looks like, at this rate, there's no way he can experience a normal romantic relationship.

I wish he could be more considerate of how girls think. At least be considerate for me! Honestly, to hang out with such a crazy person is really exhausting. Besides, I had to wish for that for Asahina-senpai's sake . Right... Nagato, at least let us know what your opinion is!

A while later, Asahina-senpai emerged from the room, giving a sad expression of someone who had just failed his exams. He needed to support himself on the wall to stop from falling down. I didn’t know what I could possibly say to him, so I just stood there in silence.

"Kyon-nee-san..."

His voice sounds as insubstantial as one of those ghosts from the haunted sunken cruise ships.

"You promised to protect me from Suzumiya-san... Why didn’t you?"

I really don’t have anything to say… and, why are you calling me Kyon as well!?

Asahina-senpai returned my cardigan to me in a robotic way, turned, and walked away.

Poor kid… dammit, Haruki!

The next day, Asahina-senpai took the day off.

Haruki was already famous enough in school, but after the stripper incident, his name and weirdness had become the stuff of school legend. Not that I really mind, since Haruki’s actions are NOT MY FAULT. Not at all!

What I do mind though, is that Suzumiya Haruki's actions have caused everyone to start gossiping about poor Asahina Mitsuuru-senpai as well. That, and the odd glares I received from everyone at school.

"Hey, Kyon... seems like you're having a fun time with Suzumiya..."

Taniguchi said to me in a sarcastic tone after school. "I never thought you’d get that close to him... I guess nothing is really impossible, huh?"

Oh, shut up!

"I was so suprised! Seeing some kind of male strippers while I was heading home, I thought I was dreaming!"

[Editor’s note: That line becomes much funnier genderbended.]

Kunikida joined in the conversation, carrying a familiar-looking flier with her.

[Editor’s note again: I can imagine Kunikida taking a flier from Haruki while drooling copiously.]

"What’s this “SOS Brigade”? What's it about?"

Go ask Haruki that question. I don't know, nor do I want to. Even if I did, I don't feel like telling you!

"It asks us to provide any paranormal events, but it doesn't define what those are. And, what does it mean by not handling normal paranormal events?"

Aggh, stop talking! I don’t want to think about it!

Even Asakura Ryou came to have a word with me. That was when I felt really guilty.

"You guys seem to be doing some interesting stuff. But if it's something that's as overboard as that, I’d suggest you to stop at once. You guys went too far yesterday."

If I had known, I would have joined Asahina-senpai in taking the day off…

Haruki is still mad. On one hand, he's mad that the teachers stopped him from handing out the fliers; on the other hand, he's mad that the SOS Brigade email inbox is completely empty. I expected one or two prank mails in the inbox, but it turns out people were more rational than I thought. I guess, after the display yesterday, no one wants to get involved with what appears to be a strip club?

Haruki scowled at the empty inbox, shaking the optical mouse vigorously.

"Why is no one sending us any mail?!"

"There wasn't any yesterday or today. Maybe it’s just that our club looks too shady for everyone to share their paranormal experiences with us?"

I tried to explain. I don’t think I was very convincing.

‘Have you experienced any paranormal events?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Oh, that's great, then please tell me.’ ‘All right, actually...’

Oh, please!

Something like would never happen, OK? YOU listen up, Haruki! Those sorts of things would only occur in a cheap light novel series! Real life is very cruel. Things like a conspiracy to destroy the world from a normal prefecture high school, evil demons from another plan of existence, or a spaceship hidden inside a mountain, all these things are impossible. Impossible! You hear me? You understand now, don't you? All your crazy behaviour is a result of you not being able to find a way to release your unhappy emotions, isn't that right? But now it's time for you to wake up! You should settle down and find a girlfriend who would walk with you to school every day and who you could take to the movies on Sundays, or maybe you should join some sports clubs to release all that excess energy. With your abilities, you'd get into the first team you picked in no time, becoming an full-time member.

...I had wanted to say a lot more, but I had only thought up the first five lines when Haruki’s fists started waving at me, so I'd better stop here.

"Mitsuuru-kun took the day off today?"

"Maybe he's not ever coming back. I hope he wasn’t permanently traumatized by what you did yesterday, poor kid..."

"Damn, a pity! And I had prepared a new costume for him today too!"

"Can’t you just wear these things by yourself?!”

"What? No, this one wouldn’t fit me at all. I did get one for you, though."

Haruki grinned.

“You know, the present I promised you?”

Oh no, no no no. God no.

“Oh! Look at the time! I promised to prepare dinner tonight! I gotta go, bye!”

I dashed out of the clubroom to Haruki’s shouts of ‘Hey, wait!’ Dammit, Nagato, can’t you ever say anything at all?

Haruki’s ‘mysterious transfer student’ had finally arrived.

Haruki himself told me the ‘great’ news before homeroom the next day.

"It’s awesome, isn’t it? The transfer student's really here! I'm so happy!"

Haruki leaned forward towards me, speaking elatedly. His intense smile was like a kindergarten kid finally getting the toy he’d wanted.

[Editor’s note: Best. Most Truthful. Analogy. Ever.]

I don't know where he got it from, but the transfer student is apparently going to be in Class 1-9.

"Chance! It’s too bad they’re not in our class, but they’re definitely a mysterious transfer student, no mistake about that!”

You haven't even met him or her, so how do you even know if they're a mysterious transfer student?

"Eh? I already told you. A high percentage of those that get transferred in the middle of the school term are abnormal."

Where on earth did you get such a statistic? The Internet? Aren’t 75% percent of statistics on the Internet made up on the spot?

[Editor’s note: I love this joke, so I had to use it. Looks like Kyon-chan kinda missed it, though.]

Besides, if everyone who gets transferred in the middle of May is abnormal, then there'd be loads of mysterious transfer students all over Japan.

Haruki’s way of thinking, though, cannot be confined by logic. After the first session bell rang, Haruki instantly bolted out of the classroom. He probably went to visit Mysterious Transfer Student in Class 1-9.

Just before the bell rang to signal the beginning of class, he returned with a puzzled face.

"So are they a mysterious transfer student...?"

"Mm, doesn't feel like one."

I wouldn’t have expected anything else.

"We talked, but I still don't have enough information. They could just be pretending to be a normal person, that’s a certainty. It’s not like they’d expose themselves on the first day anyway. I'll go ask again at the next break."

Oh, please don't go ask again! I can imagine the Class 1-9 students, who had nothing to do with Haruki, being scared to death by his sudden appearance while he grabbed one of the students to ask, "Where's the mysterious transfer student?", before he rushed in. That, or he’d barge in when the student was having a conversation with his (or her) friends and interrogate the startled transfer student with questions like "Where are you from? Who are you really? Are you an alien? Will you marry me?"

Aggh, just thinking about it gives me a headache!

At this moment, I thought of something else.

"Is the transfer student a guy or a girl?"

"Mm, though she could be cleverly disguising herself, she appears to be female."

Then I’m pretty sure she’s a girl!

Then it seems like the SOS Brigade has a chance of recruiting another female member besides me. Haruki might just carry that transfer student in the door without hearing her opinion simply because she's new. Although, it might save me from cosplaying as a bunny girl or something just as horrifying.

No matter how strong-willed Haruki is, someone with just as strong a will would just ignore him. Of course, they’d also have to be strong enough to avoid being carried off…

As long as we have the numbers, the "Save the world by Overloading it with Fun: Suzumiya Haruki’s Brigade" would be formed as an association. It doesn’t matter if the school recognizes it or not; the person that will have to do all the menial secretarial tasks is... me! For the next three years, I’ll carry the title of "Subordinate of Suzumiya Haruki" and live my days in despair!

[Editor’s note: Kyon-chan is in despair! Being Haruki’s subordinate has left her in despair!]

I still hadn't thought of what I want to do when I graduate, but if I wanted to go to a university, I’d have to behave myself.

But as long as I'm at Haruki’s side, it seems that this wish could never become true.

What should I do?

I couldn't think of anything.

I know that I should have just confronted Haruki, had him dismiss the SOS Brigade, and then tried my best to persuade him to live a normal high school life. Perhaps I could have gotten him to stop thinking about aliens and time travelers, settle down and find a girlfriend, or join some sports club, and be content with these three years of high school.

…It would have been really great if I had done that!

If I'd had stronger willpower, I wouldn't have gotten sucked so helplessly into the black hole centred around Suzumiya Haruki. I would have just lived out these three years of high school and graduated in a normal fashion.

... Oh how I wish! I wish it could have been like that! If wishes were fishes!

The reason I'm saying all this is because of all the strange events that happened to me afterward; everyone understands how I’m thinking, right?
Where to begin…?

Right, let's start from when the mysterious transfer student first arrived in our clubroom.

User talk:Amoirsp

2008-03-23T18:27:04Z

S reed:

== Spacing and Name Changes ==

Hello Amoirsp,

Although changing the spacing is appreciated for the "//" lines, it is not necessary. Please review the [[Clannad:Guidelines|guidelines]] as well as [http://dev.haeleth.net/rldev/manual.html Haeleth's manual] on comments. As long as comments are:

<tt>this is not ignored // sajfiophwaopeifhiopwhfeiopa this is ignored until end of line</tt>

<tt>this is not ignored {-- ahsfopihewaoipfhaiopwhfiopwhe this is ignored --} this is not ignored</tt>

Also, please review the [[Clannad:Guidelines|guidelines]] carefully on naming. I notice you used "Young man" when it should be "Young Man".

--[[User:Velocity7|velocity7]], 9:24 AM EST March 14 2007

== Buhi vs. Puhi ==

Turns out to be puhi, my eyes have been deceiving me all this time because in MS PGothics, ぷ and ぶ look alike. :(

--[[User:Velocity7|velocity7]]

== Tomoyo's Route ==

Just FYI, I plan to be tackling that route as soon as I'm done with Kyou's, so hold out for a while. ;)

--[[User:Velocity7|velocity7]]

== IRC! ==

irc.rizon.net @ #baka-tsuki

:That's actually the reverse, unless the world revolves around #b-t? -- [[User:RasqualTwilight|Seven Eleven]] 06:27, 14 April 2007 (PDT)
== About the language reversal ==

We need to talk about how we will approach this. Well, let me start... I'm just wondering about how we'll deal with this things. Yup, translation is interpretation but sometimes, the interpretation is vague if followed too perfectly, for example...
 
:Taken from SEEN4420 
:<0256> \{Kotomi} "Which do you like? English or French?" 
:<0257> \{\m{B}} "Don't decide what other people would want to read by your criteria." 
:<0258> \{Kotomi} "??" 
:<0259> \{\m{B}} "Please give me one of those Japanese ones." 
Some people might wonder, they're English speaking people but why is he asking for a Japanese book? Or maybe it just doesn't look right to me for having got used to multiple language? ^_^; --[[User:Dgreater1|Dgreater1]] 02:35, 17 April 2007 (PDT)

:I look it as the difficulty of book, even with same language, is too much for Tomoya. So even if he request a Japanese book, he's asking for a very simple elementary one. Since he is Japanese (Speaking English is one thing, but this cannot be denied), asking for a basic simple book sounds reasonable. Also, all the books in the library were too much for him, and this was established. Also, in Clannad they have an English grammar class specifically. Kotomi also talked about that English book she was reading earlier. On THAT book she read, it has to be English, otherwise the structure makes absolutely no sense about not easy to write but easy to read. There is one funny thing though, since Japanese books are read right to left (up to down, but the page flip is right to left), and English is basically the opposite, it would be funny calculating the direction. I still say make it nearly direct, since playing this game should already give the main idea that they are indeed, Japanese (school, places, radicals, names, culture, golden week). Then again along with this language confusion is also why we use several romanji (imagine English-fying the SFX to wham and bam -_-, but that's not the issue ^^;; ) I think the problem is adjusting the ENTIRE GAME to this (so it's also easier to draft directly). If it's like one little scene then this is much easier to decide.

:: NOW I REMEMBER! Tomoya told Ryou in 4th period or something in seen4417 before ditching class (or rather, during the ditch) and he doesn't care about English Grammar, telling Ryou that he's Japanese and won't ever use English. That's what further made me think the direct language thing. ...and I guess I see nothing wrong with him speaking in English requesting a Japanese book because Tomoya is Japanese, :P --[[User:Amoirsp|Amoirsp]] 03:25, 17 April 2007
::: I see, thanks for the explanation but don't forget that there are Japanese classes too, not a regular subject compared to English though ^^;. I guess we must check back those reversed languages I made :3, I don't remember though how many of it, but I don't think there were plenty :3... There's surely in Tomoyo's route :3 about the dovenge, rozonve, etc., I'm sure I reversed the language there, and I also think I reversed something about English Grammar to Japanese lesson somewhere before. Anyway, I'll go look for it later and fix those lines, especially for Sunohara, he talks a lot of English :3 --[[User:Dgreater1|Dgreater1]] 05:52, 17 April 2007 (PDT)

::::I see your point about how strange it would be for Sunohara to speak in English, then because of this translation, have Tomoya speak in English saying "why is it in English ..." However, making these in particular Japanese equivalents would be far more messy. The excuse would be Sunohara has bad English, which regardless of which language, has it's merit. I can understand how that itself can sound really weird, but making a Japanese equivalent of errours like that would be further challenging. I think we best make some sort of note that this is a Japanese game, so it will sound like they spoke English, because they did. When Sunohara does it, it implies his English sucks, in which it can. When Kotomi uses other languages, it is understood by the characters that they don't really understand her and that it's like "why a different language we can't follow"? As far as Kotomi English goes ... they seem to be references to books. Maybe we need to distinguish translated good morning with English good morning (This would at first glance sound much better with your language reversal)? o_o On the other hand it can be argued that "hey she literally said good morning, so why is it konnichiwa" Hm maybe we should put this on hold, or use one and decide later. Some cases it sounds pretty good, but others it seems indifferent. Doing it direct will make it easier to translate. -Amoirsp
:::::Oh, then how about (All Japanese ===> English and all English ===> Japanese) but of course, there would be an exception like for example, "The Rolling Thunder and the Alice" of SEEN0415, "Are you Pretty Dog Too? It's Miracle!" of SEEN0422 (these line could also mean he bad at English so it doesn't matter), etc. etc. The dovenjo, rozonve, etc. in Tomoyo's route doesn't really need to be reversed since it can be interpreted as imperfect English, but in case of something like for example... Yukine's route, in SEEN5426 where Sunohara is using two language, I think it's better to reverse that part (Line 251 to 254)...
::::::<0251> \{Miyazawa} "It's alright. I don't have any boyfriend, after all."
::::::<0252> \{Sunohara} "Hontou ni?"
::::::<0253> Even more, Japanese came out.
::::::<0254> \{Miyazawa} "Really."
:::::: 
::::::What this line is really trying to interpret is more different language came out of his mouth. Not exactly more Japanese came out of his mouth. So I think interpreting this line to have two language might be better than interpreting it like... <0251> \{Miyazawa} "It's alright. I don't have any boyfriend, after all." <0252> \{Sunohara} "Really?" <0253> Even more, English came out. <0254> \{Miyazawa} "Really." We need to note "Hontou ni?" though... There's also a line in Kotomi that goes... <0035> \{Kotomi} "\m{B}-kun, good afternoon." <0036> \{\m{B}} "........." <0037> \{Kotomi} "Good afternoon." <0038> \{\m{B}} "........." <0039> \{Kotomi} ".........Well." <0040> \{Kotomi} "Konnichi wa?" // This line would surely be weird if we don't reverse it. <0041> \{\m{B}} "That's not it." <0042> \{Kotomi} "??"
:::::There's also a problem about the English lesson that the students undertake, and about the line where Tomoya said "I don't need to study English since I'm a Japanese and I won't use it." in Line 0348 SEEN0417... Reversing the language setting would mean that the students are undertaking Japanese language lesson. I don't really mind reversing it since I understand the voice and also have an idea why is it reverse, but for some who doesn't really understand Japanese, they will only find the voice to be an extra spice to the emotion of that character.
::::: 
:::::Now I remember one of the BIGGEST reason why I'm so worked out with the language reversal. It's because there would be a problem near the end of Kotomi's route and it's about an English sentence that goes "If you find this suit case... please take it to our daughter.", the orginal line is written in English and most Japanese people wouldn't really understand it that much because they're not really fluent in English, but Ryou tried to interpret it in Japanese but her interpretation is a bit vague so Kotomi steps in and interpret it for them easily :p... The reason I want to reverse the language is because readers shouldn't really understand that part until Kotomi explains it :p and that part is one of the most emotional part of Kotomi's route. And I think direct/exact translation of this line would ruin her route. I think we should make an exception in Kotomi's route here, she can speak various language anyway so it's not really confusing. As for the other routes, it doesn't need to be reversed. Anyway, in short, I have a problem of interpreting completely what the line is really trying to tell the reader XD so it won't be confusing. Erm... I'm not making any sense do I ^^; Anyway about Sunohara's bad English, we don't really need to reverse it, but I think we should reverse the line that implies the use of both language (English and Japanese) for PERFECT interpretation. Woah!!! I think I'm heading to the path of being a perfectionist, Somebody stop me! (ala Mask Mode) XD... Ahhh... I'll finish Kotomi first before doing some checking with the other scene... What can you say about my idea? :3 [[Dgreater1|DGreater1]] (Wednesday 3:52AM April 18, 2007 Philippine Time)
::::::I like it and I say Kotomi's route having exceptions should be fine given that she has no impact on other routes, meaning everything said and done with her only exists in her route and once you get into her route you lose just about all other paths. But in a way that implies the same can go for Miyazawa (though I still find hers more of an almagam, though Kotomi's isn't that far from it either) We'll use your changes then. -Amoirsp

== School Foundation Day ==

See [[Talk:Clannad:Guidelines#.E5.89.B5.E7.AB.8B.E8.80.85.E7.A5.AD]]

If there are no objections, could you look into changing all instances of Founder's Day to School Foundation Day? Thanks.

--[[User:Velocity7|velocity7]]

== Message from S Reed Regarding Suzumiya Haruhi no Seitenkan ==

I wish to know why my edits were reverted for volume 1, chapter 1 of Seitenkan. I feel like they are legitimate and undeserving of removal.

For more of my thoughts on this, please read the discussion on volume 1, chapter 1 of Seitenkan.
Thank you.

P.S. Would you happen to know why chapter 2 is removed?

== response to comment left on my discussion page ==

I know what you mean... almost all English books are past tense, and I've read in past tense for so long... But still, the Guidelines say that Tomoya's narration is to be written in present tense: end of story. [[User:Hiiragi Kagami|Hiiragi Kagami]] 21:26, 25 November 2007 (PST)

::Sorry it took time for me to give my opinion on this tense thing (Work overload again). Anyway, I mostly follow the Japanese tense because there is a fact that even though writing Tomoya's narration in present tense, there's a big chance that what he did already happened (making it completely past tense). But anyway, not all of his narrations are in past tense, I also encounter his present tense narration. Anyway again, no matter how much we want the reader to feel like they are experiencing the text, we can't disregard that the event already happened :3 [[User:Dgreater1|DGreater1]] Nov. 30 8:30PM (GMT 8:00+)

User talk:Kaisos

2008-03-23T18:22:55Z

S reed: New page: == Message from S Reed == Please read the discussion on volume 1, chapter 1 of Seitenkan. Thank you.

== Message from S Reed ==

Please read the discussion on volume 1, chapter 1 of Seitenkan.
Thank you.

Talk:Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-23T18:21:01Z

S reed: New page: == Comments from S Reed == Alright, I think it's time for a serious discussion before this descends into complete chaos. There are a few things I want to address here. First of all, if...

== Comments from S Reed ==

Alright, I think it's time for a serious discussion before this descends into complete chaos. There are a few things I want to address here.

First of all, if you're going to revert all the edits I did, then please address the problems in my user discussion as well from now on. And just for the sake of consistency and fairness, I will address the author of whatever I'm editing as well. We can't just be editing and reverting and repeating the process all over again without any serious dialog between the authors and the editors.

Second, there are some issues with tone and wording in the unedited version of this. It seems like it's all being spoken by the male version of Kyon, not the female version. The reason this project is so interesting is that we get to see how gender differences will be played out. But the choice of words spoken/thought by the Kyon(f) here are no different than that of the original works. In fact, it really does sound like a 16-year-old boy that Kyon(m) is supposed to be in the original, and that's not a good thing. Sure we'd like to keep Kyon's(m) wit and bite, but the way Kyon(f) goes about things has to be different. As much as we'd like to ignore it, gender is a big part of identity, and identity is a big part of a person's actions.

Example 1: It's not unlikely that Kyon(f) would know about H-games, but how realistic is it for a 16-year-old girl to be mentioning that she knows about this stuff in such a frank manner? Of course there's going to be some discretion and clarification on her part. In the uncorrected version, at best she sounds like a female otaku/fujoshi, and at worst she sounds like a hormone-driven boy.

Example 2: The first time Kyon(f) tries to talk to Haruki. Sure the outcome is the same, i.e. Kyon(f) stops talking to Haruki vs. Kyon(m) stops talking to Haruhi, but the reasoning behind it has to be different. I'm pretty sure Kyon(f) has a lot of things to say, since females are not afraid to be sensitive about their own feelings and be elaborate in describing them, so she must be holding back because of something else other than having nothing to say. The most credible cause of this would be spite/anger at Haruki's attitude towards her.

Example 3: In the discussion of how hot the guys are, with Taniguchi's rankings, there are many things that just wouldn't be said because the thought processes of females that are completely different from males. This is no more apparent than the awkward giggle inserted into Taniguchi's opening statement. The traditional male would assume that girls get all giggly when they talk about boys, but that's a simply a big stereotype since snickers, snorts, and raucous laughter can also occur when you talk about things that most possibly have shortcomings. Plus, Taniguchi is in her "lecture mode", therefore by all accounts she would try to be as serious as possible, even if it's about some nonsensical subject, so why would she just giggle out of nowhere? Truly a discrepancy between the male mode of thought and what actually occurs in a girl-to-girl talk.

Example 3.5: Also in the discussion, Taniguchi mentions Asakura's butt. Now, unless Kyon(f) is a prude, she would appreciate a shapely male as much as the next female. So why in the world would she sound like she's disgusted? While she may not say it out loud like Taniguchi, who lacks a bit of inhibition, she will most definitely agree with her if Asakura is as hot as Taniguchi describes him.

Example 4: Haruki's violence against Kyon(f) in the middle of class. While it seemed funny in the original, when the genders are reversed this scene is just in bad taste if we don't ameliorate it a bit. As we know, Haruhi/Haruki still has a modicum of common sense despite the eccentricities. I'm pretty sure Haruki knows that as a male it's a bad idea to hit a girl, as things are much more serious compared to the other way around, even if we don't like to admit it. Also, even though sarcastic wit is a good defense against a lot of things and is the only thing that Kyon(m) really needs, Kyon(f) would know a whole new set of defenses against the dangers of the world she faces as a female. Kyon(f) would not be as much a pushover as Kyon(m), because girls really do have to stand up more for themselves than boys. So in this scenario, it is more likely for Kyon(f) to threaten Haruki with a lawsuit than simply letting this act of assault pass unnoticed. And we can't have Haruki actually banging Kyon(f)'s head against the desk, as this would escalate the gravity of the matter, therefore I propose that we leave the impact out and simply have the pain come from the ponytail being pulled.

Finally, even though this is in theory as close a port as possible from the original, changing some of the things the characters say and do wouldn't hurt. I mean, what's the point of reading the same jokes twice? If it's possible, I would like for us to inject fresh humor into the piece. This also ties in with my second point, because the nature of the quips made by Kyon(f) would be different from the ones made by Kyon(m), simply because of gender.

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-21T02:17:32Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a young lady like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. Did he read one too many shounen manga?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

...Sort of...

...For a while...

But really, this was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicism symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

Wait a moment.

What the hell is with that attitude?! Was this guy raised by monkeys or something? I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I decided after being called a “waste of time” I should probably consider him a waste of my time as well. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, so it's not all that big of a deal. Still, coming from someone like him is especially...! Thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed and slightly on the embarrassed side. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of both my safety and my dignity. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some outcast girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! Not even pretty girls can attract the attention of this guy."

Excuse me? Isn't there a saying, "With friends like this..."?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very stoic and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, waiting and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki marched out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, some girls think that makes him mysterious and sexy. And his lone wolf appearance adds plenty of points too."

I get the feeling that's more cognitive dissonance than his personality actually being likable.

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he? If it's any consolation to those countless broken hearts, they're not missing out on much.

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to date, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the human body is nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are too corrupted to turn back, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Toujou Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. So much for the sensibility of a high school girl. You see, unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's beyond bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably began to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls in the name of natural forces a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

At the pool, maybe? So you can ogle the guys?

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. At least my lack of cleavage allowed my chest to cool properly... WHAT AM I SAYING? I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it... I blame the heat), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation! Is this what Jane Goodall felt like the first time she communicated with a chimpanzee in Africa?

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Who asked for your opinion?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the hell? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see what's wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to, you misogynist pig!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m really surprised!"

Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"Well, that's okay I guess. It's fine as long as he has made a friend. But I suppose I need to work on my people skills some more then, so I can talk to him like you can. Hahaha!”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why won't something interesting happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why doesn't this school have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of voodoo wizard ready to go to on a cursing rampage against a whole nation. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him? Can a monkey even understand sympathy?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already. I think the term to describe this is "learned behavior".

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. The pain woke me up, and I instinctively grabbed my ponytail and held on tight. Awkwardly, I turned my head around, all the while trying to pull my hair back.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!? Are you in elementary school or something? Let go already!"

From the edge of my field of vision, I saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me and don't ignore me! Let go!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. More worried about my hair than where this was leading to, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my scalp being nearly peeled off.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Now let go of my hair before I sue you for assault."

Haruki let go of my ponytail, but not his excitement.

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

I rubbed the back of my aching head and smoothed out my hair.

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry. Hey, shouldn't I be the one crying? At least you're not stuck with this violent ape for the whole school day!

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-20T21:53:20Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a young lady like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. Did he read one too many shounen manga?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

...Sort of...

...For a while...

But really, this was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicism symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

Wait a moment.

What the hell is with that attitude?! Was this guy raised by monkeys or something? I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I decided after being called a “waste of time” I should probably consider him a waste of my time as well. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, so it's not all that big of a deal. Still, coming from someone like him is especially...! Thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed and slightly on the embarrassed side. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of both my safety and my dignity. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some outcast girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! Not even pretty girls can attract the attention of this guy."

Excuse me? Isn't there a saying, "With friends like this..."?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very stoic and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, waiting and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki marched out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, some girls think that makes him mysterious and sexy. And his lone wolf appearance adds plenty of points too."

I get the feeling that's more cognitive dissonance than his personality actually being likable.

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he? If it's any consolation to those countless broken hearts, they're not missing out on much.

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to date, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the human body is nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are too corrupted to turn back, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Toujou Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. So much for the sensibility of a high school girl. You see, unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's beyond bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably began to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls in the name of natural forces a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

At the pool, maybe? So you can ogle the guys?

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. At least my lack of cleavage allowed my chest to cool properly... WHAT AM I SAYING? I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it... I blame the heat), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation! Is this what Jane Goodall felt like the first time she communicated with a chimpanzee in Africa?

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Who asked for your opinion?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the hell? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see what's wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to, you misogynist pig!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m really surprised!"

Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"Well, that's okay I guess. It's fine as long as he has made a friend. But I suppose I need to work on my people skills some more then, so I can talk to him like you can. Hahaha!”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why won't something interesting happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why doesn't this school have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of voodoo wizard ready to go to on a cursing rampage against a whole nation. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him? Can a monkey even understand sympathy?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already. I think the term to describe this is "learned behavior".

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. The pain woke me up, and I instinctively grabbed my ponytail and held on tight. Awkwardly, I turned my head around, all the while trying to pull my hair back.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?"

From the edge of my field of vision, I saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. With utter lack of enthusiasm, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my scalp being nearly peeled off.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Now let go of my hair before I sue you for assault."

Haruki let go of my ponytail, but not his excitement.

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

I rubbed the back of my aching head and smoothed out my hair.

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry. Hey, shouldn't I be the one crying? At least you're not stuck with this violent ape for the whole school day!

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-20T20:39:47Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a young lady like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. Did he read one too many shounen manga?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

...Sort of...

...For a while...

But really, this was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicism symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

Wait a moment.

What the hell is with that attitude?! Was this guy raised by monkeys or something? I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I decided after being called a “waste of time” I should probably consider him a waste of my time as well. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, so it's not all that big of a deal. Still, coming from someone like him is especially...! Thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed and slightly on the embarrassed side. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of both my safety and my dignity. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some outcast girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! Not even pretty girls can attract the attention of this guy."

Excuse me? Isn't there a saying, "With friends like this..."?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very stoic and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, waiting and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki marched out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, some girls think that makes him mysterious and sexy. And his lone wolf appearance adds plenty of points too."

I get the feeling that's more cognitive dissonance than his personality actually being likable.

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he? If it's any consolation to those countless broken hearts, they're not missing out on much.

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to date, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the human body is nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are too corrupted to turn back, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Toujou Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. So much for the sensibility of a high school girl. You see, unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's beyond bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably began to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls in the name of natural forces a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

At the pool, maybe? So you can ogle the guys?

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. At least my lack of cleavage allowed my chest to cool properly... WHAT AM I SAYING? I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it... I blame the heat), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation! Is this what Jane Goodall felt like the first time she communicated with a chimpanzee in Africa?

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Who asked for your opinion?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the hell? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see what's wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to, you misogynist pig!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m really surprised!"

Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"Well, that's okay I guess. It's fine as long as he has made a friend. But I suppose I need to work on my people skills some more then, so I can talk to him like you can. Hahaha!”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why won't something interesting happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why doesn't this school have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of voodoo wizard ready to go to on a cursing rampage against a whole nation. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him? Can a monkey even understand sympathy?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already. I think the term to describe this is "learned behavior".

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. The pain woke me up, and I instinctively grabbed my ponytail and held on tight. Awkwardly, I turned my head around, all the while trying to pull my hair back.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?"

From the edge of my field of vision, I saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. With utter lack of enthusiasm, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my scalp being nearly peeled off.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Can you let go of my hair now?"

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

Haruki finally let go of my ponytail. I rubbed the back of my aching head and smoothed out my hair. I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry. Hey, shouldn't I be the one crying? At least you're not stuck with this violent ape for the whole school day!

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-20T11:36:21Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a young woman like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. Did he read one too many shounen manga?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

...Sort of...

...For a while...

But really, this was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicism symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

What the hell is with that attitude?! Was this guy raised by monkeys or something? No, that'd be too insulting to our primate cousins. I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I decided after being called a “waste of time” I should probably consider him a waste of my time as well. Good riddance! It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, but coming from someone like him is especially… thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed and maybe slightly on the embarrassed side. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of both my safety and my dignity. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some loser girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! Not even pretty girls can attract the attention of this guy."

Excuse me? Isn't there a saying, "With friends like this..."?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very stoic and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, waiting and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki marched out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, some girls still think that makes him mysterious and sexy. And his lone wolf appearance adds plenty of points too."

I get the feeling that's more cognitive dissonance than his personality actually being likable.

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he? If it's any consolation to those countless broken hearts, they're not missing out on much.

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to date, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the human body is nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are too corrupted to turn back, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Toujou Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. Well, so much for the sensibility of a high school girl. You see, unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's beyond bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably began to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls in the name of natural forces a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

At the pool, maybe? Ogling the guys?

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. At least my lack of cleavage allowed my chest to cool properly... WHAT AM I SAYING? I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it... stupid heat), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation! Is this what Jane Goodall felt like the first time she communicated with a chimpanzee in Africa?

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Who asked for your opinion?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the hell? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see what's wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to, you misogynist pig!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m stunned!"



Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"Well, that's okay I guess. It's fine as long as he has made a friend. But I suppose I need to work on my people skills some more then, so I can talk to him like you can. Hahaha!”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why will something interesting not happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why does this school not have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of spectre ready to go to a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already.

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. Because the force was so strong, my head hit the edge of the desk behind me. It hurt so bad that my eyes started to tear up.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?"

I turned my head around and saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. With utter lack of enthusiasm, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my head hitting the desk a moment ago.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Can you let go of my hair now?"

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

Haruki finally let go of my ponytail. I rubbed the back of my aching head and turned around slowly. I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry.

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-20T09:55:31Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a lady like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. It makes no sense.

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

Sort of.

For a while.

This was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicness symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I couldn't think of anything good to say, especially after being called a “waste of time”. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, but coming from someone like him… thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of my safety. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some loser girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! He’s not normal enough to even be interested in pretty girls."

Excuse me?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very stoic and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, wondering and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki stalked out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, if he keeps his mouth shut, he's actually not bad."

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he?

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to confess to me, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the human body is nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are too corrupted to turn back, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Toujou Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. Well, so much for the sensibility of a high school girl. Unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's just bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably began to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls for the sake of nature's rejuvenation a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

At the pool, maybe? Ogling the guys?

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation!

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Why does your opinion matter?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the hell? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see what's wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to, you misogynist pig!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m stunned!"



Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"Well, that's okay I guess. It's fine as long as he has made a friend. But I suppose I need to work on my people skills some more then, so I can talk to him like you can. Hahaha!”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why will something interesting not happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why does this school not have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of spectre ready to go to a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already.

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. Because the force was so strong, my head hit the edge of the desk behind me. It hurt so bad that my eyes started to tear up.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?"

I turned my head around and saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. With utter lack of enthusiasm, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my head hitting the desk a moment ago.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Can you let go of my hair now?"

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

Haruki finally let go of my ponytail. I rubbed the back of my aching head and turned around slowly. I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry.

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-20T05:39:46Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a lady like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. It makes no sense.

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

Sort of.

For a while.

This was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicness symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I couldn't think of anything good to say, especially after being called a “waste of time”. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, but coming from someone like him… thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of my safety. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some loser girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! He’s not normal enough to even be interested in pretty girls."

Excuse me?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very serene and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, wondering and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki stalked out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, if he keeps his mouth shut, he's actually not bad."

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he?

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to confess to me, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be either completely confused or squealing in delight, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s near-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the human body is nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to preserve the purity of our maiden eyes, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang. But for those who are too corrupted to turn back, the photographs are available at 200 yen apiece from a certain Toujou Kazuma-kun in 1-5.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. Well, so much for the sensibility of a high school girl. Unlike some girls I know, I don't think that there's a red string of fate tying me to my one true love, nor do I like reading my fortunes in magazines. I mean, how can 1/12 of the population experience the same things on the same day? That's just bizarre. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably began to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment? Is the worsening condition of my skin the cure for this disease? And haven't we stopped sacrificing young girls for the sake of nature's rejuvenation a long time ago?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed in a while, and she didn't even bother to tie her collar ribbon.

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

At the pool, maybe? Ogling the guys?

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation!

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Why does your opinion matter?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the hell? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Does he think I'm an undercover alien and I'm onto his plans or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a 'heart-pounding experience'! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy 'see you tomorrow' and then walk away!"

"I don’t see what's wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to date a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to, you misogynist pig!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"

"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m stunned!"



Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"Well, that's okay I guess. It's fine as long as he has made a friend. But I suppose I need to work on my people skills some more then, so I can talk to him like you can. Hahaha!”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why will something interesting not happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why does this school not have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of spectre ready to go to a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already.

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years. The only thing that came close were my grandmother's tea leaves, and even then you had to squint and make VERY loose connections.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. Because the force was so strong, my head hit the edge of the desk behind me. It hurt so bad that my eyes started to tear up.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?"

I turned my head around and saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. With utter lack of enthusiasm, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my head hitting the desk a moment ago.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Can you let go of my hair now?"

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

Haruki finally let go of my ponytail. I rubbed the back of my aching head and turned around slowly. I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry.

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan:Volume1 Chapter1

2008-03-20T03:54:29Z

S reed:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that I that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into a school that had business suits as the girl's uniform instead. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game... Not that a lady like me knows much about such things. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there’s not much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.

I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.

The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come.

"My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't help but turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic? But even then that sounded more like a challenge to a duel than a marriage proposal. It makes no sense.

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.

That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

After grabbing everyone's attention on the first day, Haruki reverted to being an ordinary high school male.

Sort of.

For a while.

This was only the calm before the storm! Looking back, I finally understand it all.

Everyone here at this school came from one of the four junior high schools in the city— people with average grades. This, obviously, included East Junior High; so there should be people in the class who graduated with Haruki, who knew what his stoicness symbolized. Unfortunately for me, I did not know any former East Junior High students. No one could have explained to me how serious the situation really was. As a result, a few days after that explosive introduction, I did something I would never forget—I tried to talk to him before class.

My metaphorical dominoes of misfortune had begun to fall, and I was the person who pushed the first block! All of this is my fault!

Because, you see, when Haruki sits in silence in his seat, he looks just like a normal good-looking guy. Besides, he seemed interesting enough, and sitting in front of him was a good enough reason to strike up a conversation. I’m so naïve! Somebody, anybody, please, slap some sense into me!

Of course, I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hi!"

I casually turned my head around, with an airy, girlish smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said, back in your introduction, was all that serious?"

With his arms crossed on his chest, lips pursed together, Suzumiya Haruki kept his posture, then stared right into my eyes.

"What 'stuff in my introduction'?"

"The stuff about the aliens."

"Do you happen to be an alien?"

He looked very serious.

"Well, um... No."

"If you are not, then what business do you have with me?"

"...N-Nothing."

"Then don't bother talking to me. You are a waste of my time."

His glare was so cold that I found myself stuttering "sorry" before realizing it. Suzumiya Haruki then removed his glare from me, contemptuously and, looking up, started to frown at the ceiling.

I had considered trying to whip back a line or two, but I couldn't think of anything good to say, especially after being called a “waste of time”. It’s not like guys haven’t treated me like that before, but coming from someone like him… thankfully, at that moment the homeroom teacher came into the classroom and saved me from thinking about it any longer.

I turned my head back to my desk, full of melancholy, and noticed that a few people were staring at me with looks of great interest on their faces. This, obviously, made me feel pretty annoyed. After I stared back at them, however, I noticed that they all had the same, feeble-looking expression on their faces. Some even nodded at me with sympathy.

Like I said, at first I felt pretty damn irritated, but later on I learned that all those people graduated from East Junior High.

Given that my first encounter with Haruki had ended horribly, I figured that I should keep my distance from him for now, for the sake of my safety. With that precaution on my mind, a week passed by.

But, just as I was still part of this class, there were always people who wanted to talk to the eyebrow-locking shut-mouthed glowering Haruki. Sucks to be them.

Most of the people were sports-obsessed, delinquent-esque guys; I guess they saw a fellow kinsman in the tall, thickset Haruki. This would be perfectly fine if Haruki actually was a sports-obsessed delinquent.

"Hey, did you see the game last night? The one that went on for an hour without a single goal scored?"

"No."

"Eh, but, why?"

"I do not know."

“Aw, that’s too bad. You should check out the game next week, though. I hear they’re really going—“

"Go away! You are so annoying!"

That's how it went.

Couldn’t he just answer “no” with that poker face on? No, he had to show his lack of patience in both his expression and his voice. This only made his victim believe that they did something wrong. At the end they could only say "I see... then I'll just...", and ask themselves "What did I say that was so wrong?" and slink away.

Hey, don't look so sad; you didn't say anything wrong. If you ask me, the problem here is with Suzumiya Haruki's brain, not yours.

Even though I don’t mind eating alone, I didn't want others to think that I was some loser girl that nobody liked when everybody else was cheerfully eating their lunch with their friends. That's why, even though I didn't care if others didn’t understand, I ate my lunch together with my junior high school friend Kunikida and an East Junior High graduate named Taniguchi, who sat close to me.

We started to talk about Haruki.

"Did you try to talk to Suzumiya-kun?" Taniguchi asked, a deceptively innocent smile on her face. I nodded.

"And then he said some crazy stuff and really you didn't know how to react?"

"That's what happened."

Taniguchi put her sliced boiled egg into her mouth, chewed, and said:
"Well, he wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, considering your figure. Personally, I advise you to give up! He’s not normal enough to even be interested in pretty girls."

Excuse me?

"I was in his class three years in a row; I know how he is."

She used this line as the beginning of her speech.

"He always does the weirdest things. I thought he’d at least tone it down a bit when he got into senior high; apparently, he hasn't. You heard him in his introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien bride stuff?"

Kunikida, who was busy picking small bones out of her fried fish, had butted in.

"Yeah, that stuff. Even back in junior high, he always said and did lots of bizarre stuff. For example, there was the School Vandalization Incident!"

"What happened?"

"You know that one thing that that uses plaster dust to draw lines on the sports field? Um… what was it called again? Anyway, he sneaked into school late at night and, with, that, um, whatever it was, drew a huge huge symbol in the middle of the field."

Taniguchi had an impish smile on her face— she was probably remembering the incident.

"It was so astonishing. I went to school early that morning, and all I saw were big circles and triangles. I couldn't figure out what they were supposed to be, so I went up to the fourth floor to get a better view. That didn't help— I still didn't know what that symbol was."

"Ah, I think I saw that before. Didn't the newspaper have a story on it? It even had a helicopter view of it! The symbol looked like a broken Nazca pictogram," Kunikida said.

I don't remember hearing about that before.

"I saw the article, I saw it. The headline was something like 'Mystery Vandal Strikes Junior High At Night,' right? Well, care to guess who pulled that stunt?"

"It was him, right?"

"He admitted it himself. There's no mistaking it. Naturally, he got called into the principal's office. Every teacher was there, questioning him on why he did it."

"Why did he do it, then?"

"I have no idea," Taniguchi answered flatly, as she tried to swallow a mouthful of rice.

"I heard he refused to say anything. You’ve seen what he’s like, refusing to say anything unless he considers it important. Someone said that he drew the symbol to call out to UFOs, others said that it was a magic symbol and was used in summoning monsters, or that he was trying to open a portal to different worlds, et cetera... A lot of speculations went around, but as long as the perpetrator himself refuses to talk, we might never know if those rumors are true or not. To this day, it's still a mystery."

For some reason, the picture of Haruki, with his straightforward look, busy laying the lines in the middle of the school field at night, floated into my mind. He definitely prepared the drawing tools and the limestone powders beforehand in the storage room; maybe he even bought a flashlight! Under its dim yellow light, Suzumiya Haruki looked very serene and tragic, his head thrown back, look up at the sky, wondering and waiting...

No, that’s just my imagination going to a weird place.

Really, Suzumiya Haruki was probably really doing it to summon UFOs or monsters, or even a portal to another world. Maybe he wanted to fight whatever showed up? But after all that work, nothing came of it, and he must have been left with feelings of boredom and melancholy. That’s what I thought.

"That's not the only thing he did!"

Taniguchi continued to gobble down her lunch.

"This one time, I came to the classroom in the morning and discovered that all the desks were moved outside, or that there were these printed stars on the school roof. Another time he was going around the school slapping O-fuda onto the walls and ceiling... you know, those Chinese ones where you put the paper talisman on a vampire's forehead. I just don’t get him."

Suzumiya Haruki was not inside the classroom at this point, or else we probably wouldn't have been having this conversation. But then again, even if he did hear us, he probably wouldn't have cared. Usually, Suzumiya Haruki stalked out of the classroom immediately after fourth period, then came back right before the fifth. He didn't seem to have a lunch box, so I had assumed that he went to the cafeteria to enjoy his lunch; but it doesn't take the whole hour to eat lunch, does it? Unless he gets a lot of food… furthermore, he vanishes right at the end of every period. Where the heck does he go...?

"He’s really popular with the girls, though!”

Taniguchi winked.

"He’s athletic, smart, and pretty cute too. Even if he’s nuts, if he keeps his mouth shut, he's actually not bad."

"So how do you know all of this?" Kunikida asked, with her lunch box twice as full as Taniguchi's.

"There was a period of time where he randomly started asking girls out, non stop. From what I heard, the longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest one ended 5 minutes after he asked her. In addition, the only reason Suzumiya gave for dumping his girlfriends was 'I do not wish to socialize with ordinary women! You’re a waste of time!’"

That line again, huh? That guy really has no sense of tact, does he?

Taniguchi seemed to be speaking from experience. After she noticed my stare, she blushed and became a bit flustered.

"I heard all of this from other people! I’m not lying! I-It’s just, for some reason, he just asked out seemingly random girls! But by the third year, everyone had finally started to stay away from him; so no one got asked out anymore. Although, I have a funny feeling that history will repeat itself in senior high… I’m warning you now, stay way from him! This is coming from someone who was in the same class as he was."

Say whatever you want. I’m not interested in him anyway. Besides, aren’t I “not good looking enough”, according to you?

Taniguchi put her empty lunch-box back into her bag, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"If there's one guy I'd like to confess to me, it'd be him, Asakura Ryou."

Taniguchi nodded towards a group of guys a few desks away. In the middle of the conversing group, with a calm, pleasant grin on his face, was Asakura Ryou.

"Judging from my inspections, he definitely enters the 'Top Three Hottest First Year Guys' list."

"You checked out every single first-year guy in the school?"

"I group guys into A to D categories and, believe me, I only pay attention to the A guys. You only get to go through high school life once. I want mine to be as fun as possible."

I can understand your feelings, Taniguchi, but you didn't really answer the question. Did you actually check them all out?

"Then that Asakura Ryou is an A then?" Kunikida asked.

"He's an AA+! Come on, just look at his face, his personality must be first class! Plus, he's got a cute butt, too!"

I don't need to hear this... or rather, I don't need you to tell me.

"Oh, so the sort of guy who'd actually remember your birthday?" Kunikida butted in again.

Poor Kunikida, just what kind of person had you fallen in love with before anyway?

As usual, the conversation between us girls got derailed pretty quickly and went nowhere. But to summarize what we talked about... Well, Taniguchi is right, you couldn't deny that Asakura Ryou was quite a different kind of guy than Suzumiya Haruki.

First and most obviously, he was very handsome; and he always smiled, giving off the impression of great compassion towards everybody. Second, Taniguchi's description of his personality was actually quite accurate. These days no one dared to talk to Suzumiya Haruki anymore, except for Asakura Ryou. No matter how rude Suzumiya Haruki was, Asakura Ryou still tried to talk to him from time to time. He was so fervent in the matter that he almost acted like a class monitor. Third, from the way he answered teachers' questions in class alone, you could see that he was very smart. He always answered the questions correctly — in the eyes of the teachers he was probably a model student. To top it off, he was extremely popular with the guys in the class. The term had only been going for a week, and he was already well on his way to being the idol of the male students in the class, who seemed to look at him like a feudal lord of old. I think the Greeks had a word for that kind of adoration...

Asakura Ryou was one of the few guys I’d ever seen who looked like the stereotypical handsome prince from the cartoons I’d watched as a little girl. That charming smile, that calm appearance… Compared to him, Suzumiya Haruki was just a science fiction obsessed weirdo.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t have magical powers. I didn’t want to be carried off to be Suzumiya’s bride.

-

It was still April then, and Suzumiya hadn't started acting up yet. Which meant to me, a month of peace and relaxation. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that there was only be a month to go before Haruki would start going off his rocker.

Even during that short time, though, I'd already observed some of Haruki’s more eccentric behaviors.

Now, why would I say something like that?

Peculiarity #1: Every day, his hairstyle changed. Added to this, from my observations, there was sort of a weird pattern to it all. On Monday, Haruki would come to school with his hair down. On Tuesday, there’d be a single spike gelled up on the back of his head. On the next day, there'd be two spikes, the day after, three; by Friday, there were four spikes, one on each cardinal direction of his head. Was that supposed to signify something?

So Monday, zero. Tuesday, one. Wednesday, two...

As the day of the week increased, so would the number of hair spikes; by next Monday, the whole crazy process would start again. I couldn’t see any reason for it. Following that pattern, he should have six spikes on Sunday... I bet he looks like some sort of typical shonen character.

I suddenly wanted to see how his head looks on Sunday.

Peculiarity #2:For Phys Ed, classes 1-5 and 1-6 would combine and have Phys ED together, though the boys and girls separated. When we changed clothes, the girls would go to the 1-6 classroom, and the boys would go to the 1-5 classroom; meaning at the end of the period, the girls from our class (1-5) would move to the other room to change.

Unfortunately for my poor sanity, Haruki would completely ignore these conventions and start stripping before the girls had even left.

It wasn’t as if he was an exhibitionist or anything. I think he simply didn’t care whether anybody saw his body or not. Wearing his usual scowl, he’d just throw his pants onto the desk and get into his gym gear.

While this was happening most of the girls in the class would be completely frozen and confused, so it was up to me to get them out of there, trying to ignore Haruki’s mostly-naked body.

According to gossip, the other guys in the class (led by Asakura Ryou) attempted to talk Haruki out of that kind of behaviour, but he refused. Something about “the male body being nothing to be ashamed of”. Every PE lesson, Haruki would totally ignore everyone else and take his pants off without so much as a glance. So, in order to keep our optical innocence, we girls decided to leave the classroom as soon as the bell rang.

Seriously, though, Haruki is pretty well built… argh, where am I going with this?

Peculiarity #3: At the end of every period, Haruki would go missing. When the school bell came rolling around, he’d grab his school bag and march out of the classroom. I’d have thought that he’d go straight home; but to my amazement, he joined and quit every single club in the school. One day, you’d see him shooting hoops in the Basketball Club, and the next you’d see him making an urn in the Pottery Club. The following day, you might see him waving a stick at the opposing team in the Hockey Club, or smacking home runs in the Baseball Club. Now I can see why those sports jocks tried to talk to him. All the clubs tried to persuade him into joining them permanently, but turned each and every one of them down. His explanation went along the lines of "Doing the same thing every day is boring! I need new experiences!". So in the end, he didn't join any of the clubs.

What exactly is he trying to do?

Thanks to this kind of stuff, gossip about the "bizarre first year guy" spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there wasn't a single person in our school who didn't know who Suzumiya Haruki was. By May, people might still not have known the name of our principal, but Suzumiya Haruki had practically become a household name.

So, with all this kinda stuff going on— and Haruki always at the root of it all— May arrived.

-

When it comes to fate, I'm more inclined to believe in the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. Nevertheless, if destiny is actively influencing human lives, my metaphorical wheel of fate had probably begun to turn. Maybe in some far off land, there’s three magical crones busily re-weaving my future?

…No, that’s just stupid.

After the end of the vacation for Golden Week, I trudged off to school, not sure what day of the week it was. The unnaturally bright, sunny weather blasted my skin and made me drip with sweat— I had already had a shower this morning and already I wanted another one. This stupid hill the size of Kilimanjaro just makes it worse; it never seemed to end. What on earth does the Earth want from me? Was it suffering from some sort of obscure medical ailment?

"Hi, Kyon!"

Somebody hugged me from behind. It was Taniguchi. Her uniform was untidy and looked like it hadn’t been ironed or washed in a while. And was that her belt, undone?

"Where did you go for Golden Week?" she asked casually.

"My parents took me and my little brother to see my grandpa in the countryside."

"That’s boring!"

"Fine, then what did you do?" I retorted.

"I got a part-time job."

Probably at a brothel somewhere.

"Really? Working doesn’t seem to suit you at all."

"Kyon, you’re in senior high now— why do you gotta go with your little brother to see your grandpa and grandma? You should be hanging out with your girlfriends or something."

Kyon, by the way, is my nickname. My uncle was the first person to call me that. A few years back, my long-time-no-see-good-for-nothing uncle suddenly said to me "Wow, look at you, Kyon-chan! You’re all grown up!" Could he have thought of anything more embarrassing? My little brother thought it was funny and also started to call me Kyon. After that, the rest is history— my friends, upon hearing my brother calling me Kyon, decided to follow his lead. From that day on, my name, to everyone, became Kyon. Damn it, my brother used to call me "Onee-chan"!

"It’s a tradition of ours to have a family reunion during Golden Week," was my indifferent response as I scaled Mt. Aconcagua. The sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant. I really need that shower...

Taniguchi, full of hot air as always, boasted about how there were so many cute guys at her workplace, and how she planned to use the money she made to buy a new miniskirt for the summer. To me, stuff like that, along with telling people about your dreams or how amazing or cute some pet is, are the dullest possible topics in the world.

So as I wondered if this was how Haruki felt when people talked to him about football, we arrived at the school gate.

Suzumiya Haruki was already sitting behind my seat staring at the ceiling when I entered the classroom. Two spikes protruded from each side of his head. I guess that means today is Wednesday. After I sat down— for some incredibly stupid, unknown reason, (the only explanation being that I had completely lost it), before I could catch myself— I found myself once again talking to Suzumiya Haruki.

"The hair spikes, are they some sort of way to contact the aliens?"

Slowly, mechanically, Suzumiya Haruki lowered his head downward, and stared at me with deep, piercing eyes, his face set. That’s a seriously scary expression.

"When was it that you noticed?"

His tone was so icy cold that it was like icicles being crushed by sharp rocks.
I paused a while, trying to think of my answer under that glare.

"F-for a while, I think."

"Truth be told?"

Haruki tipped his chair back and put his hands behind his head, looking both annoyed and bored.

"Each day of the week gives off a different image."

I think this is the first time we’ve had an actual conversation!

"Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I sort of understand what he’s trying to get at here.

"So that means, if we use numbers to represent each color, Monday would be zero and Sunday six, right?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn’t Monday be one, though?"

"Why does your opinion matter?"

"…Um, yeah. Right."

Haruki glared at me. I guess he wasn’t exactly pleased with my answer. As for me, I just sat there, uncomfortable under his stare, and let time slip by.

"Have we ever met before? Long ago?"

"No, I don’t think so…"

After I my answer, Okabe-sensei lightly entered the classroom, and our first real conversation ended.

Our first conversation! Though it really wasn’t anything special, this might just have been the turning point I’ve been looking for.

Of course, the only chance I could talk to Haruki was the short bit of time before home room session, as he’s never in the classroom during breaks. But, since I sit in front of him, I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of talking to him than anybody else.

What shocked me the most is that Haruki actually answered my question. I just thought that he’d go all like, “Silence! You’re a waste of time!” Maybe this make me as weird as he is, talking to him like that?

So when I came to school the next day and discovered that, instead of having three gelled spikes on his head, Haruki’s hair was held back by a yellow hairband, I felt quite depressed.

What the…? Even though he looks better without the weird spikes, he changed his hairstyle right after I talked to him about it! Is he looking down on me or something?

However, when I asked him why, he said:

"There is no reason whatsoever."

He answered with that trademark annoyed tone, but he didn’t look angry or anything. I guess he just wasn’t going to tell me his reasons.

That’s what I expected, though. So it’s all right.

"Is it true that you really tried to join all the clubs?"

From then on, I fell into the routine of talking to Haruki in the few minutes before homeroom. Obviously, if I didn't try to start a conversation, Haruki would just sit in his chair and stare at the ceiling. Also, were I to try to talk to him about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather is, etc.— boring topics— he’d just ignore me. With that in mind, I chose the topic of conversation carefully. I always tried to keep it about him.

"So did you find any fun clubs? If there is, I think I’d consider joining it myself."

"None." Haruki answered, flatly. "None exist."

He emphasizes this, and then slowly lets out a breath. A sigh?

"My assumption was that high school wouldn’t be waste of time. Ultimately, it's just the same as mandatory education. Nothing here ever changes. Nothing here is interesting. I joined the wrong school."

Exactly what criteria did you have in mind when you decided what school to attend?

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are exactly the same. They are boring. If there were some unique, exceptional club in this school, then I might consider joining. "

"Who put you in charge of deciding what clubs are interesting or not?"

"Silence! If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's plain. A waste of my time."

"I expected to hear that from you."

"Mmm.”

Annoyed, he looked back up at the ceiling, marking the end of the day's conversation.

On another day:

"I, um, overheard something the other day... It's not something important anyway... Did you really dump all your girlfriends?"

"Who do you think you are to ask this of me?"

He flipped a lock of hair out from in front of his face, and stared at me with those bright, cold eyes. Doesn’t his face have any other expressions besides “Angry” and “Off”?

"Did that one girl tell you? Taniguchi, right? Why is that girl in the same class as me year after year? I do hope she isn’t one of those stalking psycho girls that follow you around for years.”

"Don't think so," I thought.

"I do not know what you heard, but it does not matter. Most of it is true, in any case."

"So you never met a girl you ever wanted to have a serious relationship with?"

"Not one!"

He seems to totally dismiss everything.

"Every single one of them was silly and childish! I cannot engage in a serious relationship with them! Each one of them expects to be taken out to dinner and paid for, with candles! Often a sappy romantic movie beforehand, for a “heart-pounding experience”! And at the end of the day, all they’d say is a shy “see you tomorrow” and then walk away!"

"I don’t see much that’s wrong with that," I thought to myself; but there’s no way I’d say that out loud. If Haruki says it's bad, then to him, it’s bad. No exceptions.

"Then, without fail, they would confess their deep love and adoration over the phone. Why could they not tell me something that important to my face?!"

I can understand how those girls felt, though. Making such an important― to them, at least― confession to someone with this strong a personality would probably make anyone feel uneasy. They probably lost their nerve just from seeing your expression, Haruki. I really hope I never have to confess to a guy like that.

"Yeah, you’re right. I’d ask the guy up to the school rooftop or something and tell him there."

"Who said that your feelings matter?"

What? Did I say something wrong again?

"The problem is, are all the women in this world such dim-witted, twittering creatures? I have been agitated by this question since junior high."

Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to!

"Then, what kind of girl would be ‘interesting’ to you? An alien?"

"I am fine with aliens or similar things as long as they are not normal. Be they male or female."

"Why is it so important that they not be human?"

When that burst out of me Haruki looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to squish.

"Because ordinary humans are not any fun at all!"
"...Maybe… you’re right."

I have to agree with Haruki on this one; if it turns out that some cute transfer student is half earthling and half alien, that’d be pretty cool. If Taniguchi, currently sitting next to me and stealing quick glances at Haruki and me, was secretly a magical girl who fought evil in the shadows alongside a talking lizard, it’d be even cooler. If Asakura Ryou, who for some reason keeps smiling at me, was a super-powered prince from a long-forgotten kingdom, then my school life would be as exciting as it could get.

But there’s no way that could happen— no aliens, time travelers, handsome princes, or magical powers exist in this world.

Even if they did exist, they wouldn’t just appear right in front of average people like me and go "Hello, I'm actually an alien!"

"THAT IS WHY!"

Haruki suddenly stood up and knocked his chair backwards, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

"THAT IS WHY I AM WORKING SO HARD!!"

"Sorry I’m late!"

The always-optimistic Okabe-sensei, who looks out of breath, rushed into the classroom. When she saw the whole class looking at Haruki standing, his fists clenched, eyes closed, she became just as surprised and just stood there.

"Er... Homeroom is about… to start…"

Haruki sat down immediately and glared at the corner of his desk. Thank god…

I turned around, the whole class followed suit and turned their heads as well. Then Okabe-sensei, obviously disoriented by the commotion, wobbled to the front of the room and let out a soft cough.

"I, um, apologize for being late. Eh... Then let's begin!"

She repeats again, and the class atmosphere finally reverts back to normal— though this is the sort of atmosphere that Haruki hates the most.

Maybe that’s just the way life is?

To be honest, however, inside my heart I'm pretty jealous of Haruki's attitude towards life.

He still has the hopes that I abandoned long ago, the vain hope that he’d meet someone magically special, and he enthusiastically tries to achieve his dream. ‘If sitting around waiting is not going to achieve anything, let's call them ourselves’! That’s why Haruki does strange things like drawing white lines on the school field, painting symbols on the school roof, and pasting cursed paper talismans everywhere.

Sigh…

I wonder when Haruki started to do weird stuff that made others brand him as an occultist? I guess he was thinking something like ‘Waiting achieves nothing, so why not perform some weird ceremonies to call them out?’ In the end, however, nothing happened. Is that why Haruki always has that "screw-everything-ever" look on his face...?

"Hey, Kyon."

After class, Taniguchi, with an utterly baffled face, tried to corner me.

Taniguchi, you look like a total moron with that expression.

"Shut it! That’s not important right now. What kind of magical spell did you cast?"

"Magical spell? What?"

I once heard that highly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I remember this as I fire my question back at Taniguchi. She then jabbed her finger at Haruki's empty seat.

"I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk to anybody for that long! What did you find that could possibly interest him?"

That, eh, what did we talk about? I just asked him some normal questions, that's all, though I did try to keep the conversation about him.

"I’m stunned!"



Taniguchi put on an awed expression full of sarcasm. Kunikida popped out from behind her.

"It’s nothing new, Kyon has always liked weird guys like that."

Hey, wait a minute! Don't say things that'll cause a misunderstanding!

"It doesn't matter if Kyon likes weird guys, that’s not my point. What I can't understand is why Suzumiya would talk to an underdeveloped girl like her! I don't get it at all."

Is no one listening to me? Hey!

"Maybe Kyon is as weird as he is?"

I am not! Stop talking about me like I’m not here.

"Probably. I mean you can't expect someone with a nickname like Kyon to be normal."

Stop calling me Kyon, Kyon, Kyon! Can’t you people use my real name instead of that overly cute nickname? At the very least, I want to hear my brother call me ‘Onee-chan’!

"Actually, I’d like to know the reason as well."

A cheerful, melodious voice came out of nowhere as a hand touched my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Asakura Ryou's handsome smiling face.

I think my heart just skipped a couple of beats.

"I tried talking to Suzumiya-kun a few times already but nothing came of it. Could you teach me how I should talk to him properly?"

I was too busy trying not to act like a giddy schoolgirl so, I didn't even think about his question at all.

"I-I dunno."

Upon hearing this, Asakura smiled.

"I feel relieved. He can't go on being isolated from his classmates like that, so it's great that you've become his friend.”

Asakura Ryou behaves like a class monitor because, well, he is our class monitor. He was elected as the class monitor in our last lengthy home room session.

"F-friend, huh?"

I shook my head uncertainly. Is he really my friend? The only expression Haruki gives me whenever I talk to him is that scowl!

"You need to continue helping Suzumiya-kun so that he can get along with the rest of us. We are the same class, so I’ll be counting on you."

I wanted to say 'Anything for you', but that sounds stupid and I’d never hear the end of it.

…In any case, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!

"If there is anything I need to tell Suzumiya-kun, I’ll just ask you to pass on my message."

No, wait! Wait just a minute! I don’t want to be his personal secretary!

"Please?" he asked, putting his palms together and bowing slightly.

Faced with a request in that manner, the only thing I could do was give vague, uncomfortable responses like "erm" and "ahh...". Asakura took that as a yes and rewarded me with his charming, sunlight-like smile, and then went back to his desk. After noticing that a lot of the girls in the class were staring at me with angry eyes, my heart fell to the bottom of a canyon.

Apparently, somebody decided that the students should change seats every month. Therefore, Asakura-san wrote all the seat numbers onto little pieces of paper, placed them in a cookie tin, and let each of us draw from it. This could be my chance to get away from Haruki forever!

In the end, I got the seat in the second to last row next to the window that overlooks the courtyard. Guess who took the last seat right behind me? That's right. It's the ever-scowling Haruki.

Just my luck…

"Why will something interesting not happen here?!”

He’s complaining again.

“Like little grade school kids disappearing one by one, and their bodies being found in the river, or maybe some teachers getting murdered inside a locked classroom! Something like that!"

"Stop saying that kind of scary stuff."

"I joined the Mystery Study Group."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing interesting! Furthermore, all the club members are detective novel fans but there isn't anyone there that resembles a detective!"

"Isn't that normal?"

"I actually had some hope for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"However, they all turned out to be a bunch of occult maniacs.”

Sounds like you’d fit right in.

“Does that sound fun to you?!"

"Not really."

"Everything is too boring! Why does this school not have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, I guess there's not much you can do about that."

"I thought after I graduated to senior high I would encounter some ‘kick-ass’ clubs! But this, this is like trying to get into the Major League but then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team!"

Haruki looked as if he were some sort of spectre ready to go to a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. He stared out at the sky with utter disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Should I feel sorry for him?

I don't know what sort of clubs Haruki likes. Maybe even he doesn't know the answer. He just wants to "do something interesting." What, then, is "something interesting?” to him? Does that involve solving a murder mystery? Searching for UFOs? Or maybe even exorcism? I don’t think he has any idea either. He just wants something different in his life.

I know how that feels.

"I think it can't be helped if there aren't any."

Maybe I should try to enlighten him with what I’ve learned.

"Judging from our history, humans are usually satisfied with the way things are at the time. However, those who aren’t will try to invent or discover something to advance their civilization. Someone wanted to fly so they invented airplanes. Someone wanted to travel easily so cars and trains were made. Those things, however, were created by people who possessed special talents. Only a genius can convert their imaginings into reality. We ordinary people should just live out our ordinary lives in an ordinary fashion. It’s not our job to act on impulse just because we feel bored."

"Silence!"

Haruki just cut off what I thought was a really great speech, and turned his head away from me. Looks like he's in a really bad mood right now. But then again, when isn't he? ...Looks like I’m used to it already.

Haruki probably doesn't care about anything— unless it involves supernatural powers far surpassing reality. The world doesn't have those, however. No, really. I should know, I’ve been looking for years.

I must give my thanks to the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we humans can live in peace. Though I doubt Haruki would give you his gratitude.

I’m normal, right?

Something must have triggered it.

Maybe it's the above conversation?

Because, unfortunately for me, I never saw it coming!

It was warm and sunny outside, so everyone in the class was getting sleepy. Just as I was nodding my head and going to sleep, a powerful force suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled backwards. Because the force was so strong, my head hit the edge of the desk behind me. It hurt so bad that my eyes started to tear up.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing!?"

I turned my head around and saw Haruki, one hand still grabbing my hair, smiling a big smile that was as bright as the desert sun — this is the first time I've seen him smile. If smiles can be measured in terms of temperature, then his smile was as hot as the Sahara desert. It’s overwhelming… he needs to smile more often.

"I got it!"

Hey, don't spit all over me!

"Why didn't I think of this before?"

Haruki's eyes shone as brightly as the stars.

He stared at me pointedly. With utter lack of enthusiasm, I asked:

"What is that you finally thought of?"

"If it doesn't exist, I can just create one myself!"

"Create what?"

"A club!"

My head suddenly hurt and I don't think it had anything to do with my head hitting the desk a moment ago.

"Really? Wow, that’s a really excellent idea. Can you let go of my hair now?"

"What's with that attitude? You should be happier about something like this!"

"Look, we can talk about your wonderful idea later. Right now, I just want you to think about where we are, and then you can share your incredible joy with me. But just calm down first, okay?"

"Why? What d'you mean?"

"Class is still on."

Haruki finally let go of my ponytail. I rubbed the back of my aching head and turned around slowly. I noticed that the whole class looked completely awestruck. The freshly graduated newbie English teacher, with his chalk in his hand, stared at me and looked as if he was ready to cry.

I signaled Haruki to sit down quickly and bowed politely towards the poor teacher.

Please continue with the lesson.

I heard Haruki grumble about something and sat down unwillingly. The teacher then resumed his writing on the board...

Create a new club?

Hmmmm...

Don't tell me I'm already a member?

My poor, aching head just serves to increase my feeling of unease.

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| Return to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue|Prologue]]
| Forward to [[Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>