Clannad FR:SEEN1417 - Revision history

JVC: /* Texte */

2010-07-18T21:32:29Z

Texte

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:32, 18 July 2010
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	// \{\m{B}} "Is this the fine arts clubroom?"		// \{\m{B}} "Is this the fine arts clubroom?"
	// \{\m{B}} 「ここ、美術部の部室か？」		// \{\m{B}} 「ここ、美術部の部室か？」
	<0036> Elle ~~fait non de~~ la tête tout en restant dans le coin de la pièce.		<0036> Elle secoue la tête tout en restant dans le coin de la pièce.
	// She shakes her head as she stays in the corner of the room.		// She shakes her head as she stays in the corner of the room.
	// ふるふる、と部屋の角に挟まったままで首を横に振った。		// ふるふる、と部屋の角に挟まったままで首を横に振った。

JVC: De nombreuses petites corrections

2010-07-17T22:36:26Z

De nombreuses petites corrections

Show changes

Sosongoku at 15:58, 22 May 2010

2010-05-22T15:58:15Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:58, 22 May 2010
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	== Traduction ==		== Traduction ==
	*[[User:Sosongoku\|Sosongoku]]		*[[User:Sosongoku\|Sosongoku]]

			== Commentaire ==

			Fuuko parle d'elle-même à la troisième personne. Fuuko s'écrit comme ceci en japonais "風子".
			Mais dans certaines phrases (やりたいんです…放っておいてください), les traducteurs anglais ont mis ça (Fuuko wants to do this... please leave Fuuko alone), hors (風子 'Fuuko') n'est pas mentionné dans cette phrase, et c'est pareil dans beaucoup d'autres phrases.
			En voulant être un minimum fidèle au japonais, j'ai mis ça : "J'ai envie de faire ça... alors ne me dérange pas s'il te plaît.", ne trouvant pas comment je pourrais faire parler Fuuko d'elle-même à la troisième personne...
			Les suggestions sont les bienvenues

	== Texte ==		== Texte ==
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	// \{\m{B}} "Doing this thing when you're really hurt..."		// \{\m{B}} "Doing this thing when you're really hurt..."
	// \{\m{B}} 「おまえ、そんな怪我してまでやることかよ…」		// \{\m{B}} 「おまえ、そんな怪我してまでやることかよ…」
	<0063> \{Etudiante} "J'ai envie ~~veut~~ faire ça... alors ~~laisse-moi tranquille~~ s'il te plaît."		<0063> \{Etudiante} "J'ai envie de faire ça... alors ne me dérange pas s'il te plaît."
	// \{Female Student} "It was choice to do this... please don't get in the way."		// \{Female Student} "It was choice to do this... please don't get in the way."
	// prev.tl.: <0063> \{Female Student} "Fuuko wants to do this... please leave Fuuko alone."		// prev.tl.: <0063> \{Female Student} "Fuuko wants to do this... please leave Fuuko alone."

Sosongoku: /* Texte */

2010-05-22T15:44:21Z

Texte

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:44, 22 May 2010
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	// \{Female Student} "Ah..."		// \{Female Student} "Ah..."
	// \{女生徒} 「あ…」		// \{女生徒} 「あ…」
	<0011> Sa main s'arrete lorsqu'elle finit par me remarquer.*		<0011> Sa main s'arrete lorsqu'elle finit par me remarquer.
	// Her hand stops when she notices that I am there.		// Her hand stops when she notices that I am there.
	// Changing "was". He is still there, so "am" is more appropriate.		// Changing "was". He is still there, so "am" is more appropriate.
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	// \{\m{B}} "Yeah, that."		// \{\m{B}} "Yeah, that."
	// \{\m{B}} 「ああ、それ」		// \{\m{B}} 「ああ、それ」
	<0046> \{Etudiante} "C'est... quelque chose, que j'aime ~~le plus~~..."*		<0046> \{Etudiante} "C'est... quelque chose, que j'aime beaucoup..."
	// \{Female Student} "It's... some thing, a most favorite one..."		// \{Female Student} "It's... some thing, a most favorite one..."
	// prev.tl.: <0046> \{Female Student} "It's... something, Fuuko really likes a lot..."*		// prev.tl.: <0046> \{Female Student} "It's... something, Fuuko really likes a lot..."*
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	// \{\m{B}} "Liar."		// \{\m{B}} "Liar."
	// \{\m{B}} 「嘘つけ」		// \{\m{B}} 「嘘つけ」
	<0068> \{Etudiante} "~~This hand is wrapped~~... ~~just to be safe~~."		<0068> \{Etudiante} "Cette main est enveloppée... juste pour être soignée."
	// \{Female Student} "~~Cette main est enveloppée~~... ~~juste pour être soignée~~."		// \{Female Student} "This hand is wrapped... just to be safe."
	// prev. tl.<0068> \{Female Student} "Fuuko's hand is wrapped... just to be safe."		// prev. tl.<0068> \{Female Student} "Fuuko's hand is wrapped... just to be safe."
	// come on, the first word you supposedly hear from a speaker and not notice it being a name? ~unreg		// come on, the first word you supposedly hear from a speaker and not notice it being a name? ~unreg
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	// I say that and leave the room.		// I say that and leave the room.
	// そう言って、俺は教室を後にする。		// そう言って、俺は教室を後にする。
	<0129> Je sors dans le couloir et regarde en arrière; il commençais à faire sombre mais je la vois en train de regarder sa sculpture en bois.*		<0129> Je sors dans le couloir et regarde en arrière; il commençais à faire sombre mais je la vois en train de regarder sa sculpture en bois.
	// I go out to the corridor and look back; it was getting dark but I can see her looking down at her wood carving.		// I go out to the corridor and look back; it was getting dark but I can see her looking down at her wood carving.
	// Replacing "looked" with "look" to make the tenses agree. For comma splice, you could use, 'It was getting dark as I go [I'm having problems with using the word "go". Couldn't something better be used.] out to the corridor, but as I look back, I can see her looking down at her wood carving.'		// Replacing "looked" with "look" to make the tenses agree. For comma splice, you could use, 'It was getting dark as I go [I'm having problems with using the word "go". Couldn't something better be used.] out to the corridor, but as I look back, I can see her looking down at her wood carving.'

DL21: Passage de l'état de "Traduction" à "Correction"

2010-05-18T16:54:03Z

Passage de l'état de "Traduction" à "Correction"

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:54, 18 May 2010
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	{{Clannad_FR:~~Traduction~~}}		{{Clannad_FR:Correction}}
	Retour à la page principale : [[Clannad_FR\|ici]].		Retour à la page principale : [[Clannad_FR\|ici]].

Sosongoku: /* Texte */

2010-05-16T17:37:27Z

Texte

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Sosongoku: /* Texte */

2010-05-16T13:19:34Z

Texte

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 // Resources for SEEN1417.TXT
 // Traduction : 34%
@@ Line 403: / Line 413: @@
 // Changing "was" to "is" for tense agreement.
 // そのまま、視線を下げていくと…\pそこにいた。

Sosongoku: /* Texte */

2010-05-16T13:16:21Z

Texte

New page

// Resources for SEEN1417.TXT
// Traduction : 34%

#character 'Etudiante'
// Female Student
// 女生徒
#character '＊Ｂ'

<0000> Je jette un coup d'oeil à l'intérieur.
// I peek inside.
// 中を覗き込む。
<0001> On dirait qu'il n'y a personne ici...
// It seems like there's nobody in there...
// 誰もいないように見えるが…。
<0002> J'ouvre la porte.
// I open the door.
// とりあえず、ドアを開けてみる。
<0003> J'ai pensé qu'il n'avait personne ici... \pvers la fenetre, il y avait un étudiant.
// I thought there was no one at that place... at the window, there was a student.
// original wording: At the window...\p in that place that I thought that nobody was... there was a student.
// Alt - Just when I thought there was no one...\pjust by the window, there sat a student. - Kinny Riddle
// 窓際…\p誰もいないと思っていた場所に、ひとりの女生徒がいた。
<0004> Je vois le visage d'une fille, face à la lumière du soleil.
// I see a girl's face, looking away from the sunlight.
// She was facing opposite of sunlight and I was looking at a girl's face.
// Alt - Facing the sunlight, I saw the outline of a girl's face. - Kinny Riddle
// 逆光の中に、少女の横顔の輪郭が見てとれる。
<0005> Elle tient un morceau de bois dans sa main gacuche et un couteau dans celle de droite. On dirait qu'elle taille quelque chose.
// She's holding a block of wood in her left hand and a knife in her right. It looks like she's carving something.
// Parallel phrasing. Changed ",and in her right hand is a knife." to "and a knife in her right."
// 手には木片。もう一方の手に持ったナイフで、削いでいた。
<0006> Scritch... Scritch...
// Shuu... shuu...
// Alt - Swish... Swish... - This word makes more sense to an English-speaking reader, "slice" is another alternative - Kinny Riddle
// しゅっ…しゅっ…
<0007> Elle n'a pas remarquée ma présence, comme si elle était dans son propre monde.
// She doesn't notice my existence, as if she was in her own world.
// 少女は夢中で、俺の存在に気づかない。
<0008> C'est étrange du fait qu'elle est plutot mignonne, qu'elle fasse quelque chose avec tant d'avidité.
// It's strange that she looks kinda cute, doing something so eagerly.
// 何か、そのひたむきさが可愛くて、可笑しい。
<0009> Je la regarde un moment.
// I watch her for a while.
// 俺はしばらく眺めていた。
<0010> \{Etudiante} "Oh..."
// \{Female Student} "Ah..."
// \{女生徒} 「あ…」
<0011> Sa main s'arrete lorsqu'elle finit par me remarquer.*
// Her hand stops when she notices that I am there.
// Changing "was". He is still there, so "am" is more appropriate.
// More tense inconsistency ("stops" and "notices" vs. "was")
// Alt - She stopped her hand, having noticed that I was there. - Kinny Riddle
// その女生徒が俺の存在に気づき、手を止めていた。
<0012> \{Female Student}"........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0013> Nos yeux se rencontrent, et nous regardons fixement.
// Our eyes meet, and we stare at each other.
// 俺と目を合わせ、じっとしている。
<0014> \{Female Student} "........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0015> \{\m{B}} "Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?"
// \{\m{B}} "What's wrong?"
// \{\m{B}} 「どうした」
<0016> \{Etudiante} "Wouah..."
// \{Female Student} "Wah..."
// \{女生徒} 「わっ…」
<0017> Elle se lève soudainement et court vers le coin de la pièce.
// She suddenly stands up and runs to the corner of the room.
// 突然、がばっと立ち上がり、部屋の隅までぱたぱたと駆けていった。
<0018> Elle ressemble à un chat effrayé, qui a rencontré quelqu'un avec un poisson comme apat.
// She's like a scared cat, together with a person holding a fish as a bait.
// Alt - She's like a scared kitty that has just ran into a person holding a fish as bait. - Kinny Riddle
// まるで餌を漁っているのを人に見つかった猫のようだった。
<0019> Elle tenait en plus, un couteau dans sa main.
// Even more, a knife's in her hand.
// Alt - Besides that, she was holding a knife. - Kinny Riddle
// しかも、手にはナイフ。
<0020> \{\m{B}} (Oh mec, si je la dérange, elle va sérieusement me faire mal...)
// \{\m{B}} (Oh man, if I bother her, she'll seriously get hurt...)
// \{\m{B}} （マジ、威嚇したら、傷つけられそうだぞ…）
<0021> \{Etudiante} "........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0022> Elle regarde chacun de mes mouvements.
// She's watching my every move.
// Changed " was" to "'s" to agree with previous.
// じっと、こっちを見て、警戒していた。
<0023> C'est assez marrant car elle est entièrement visible dans le coin de la pièce.
// It was kinda funny since she's completely visible in the corner of the room.
// See previous.
// だが、そこが部屋の隅だという丸見えの場所だったから、滑稽だ。
<0024> \{\m{B}} (Et bien, je me demande c'est quoi son problème...)
// \{\m{B}} (Well, I wonder what's her problem...)
// \{\m{B}} （さて、どうしたものかな…）
<0025> La laisser seule // Option 1 - Goto Line 0139
// Leave her alone
// 立ち去る
<0026> Essayer de lui parler // Option 2
// Try and talk to her
// 話しかけてみる
<0027> Je me souviens de quelque chose. // Option 2: Path
// I remember something.
// 俺は思い出していた。
<0028> Les salles de classe vides sont aussi utilisées comme salles de club.
// The empty classrooms here are used as clubrooms too.
// ここらの空き教室は、文化系クラブの部室として使われているということを。
<0029> \{\m{B}} "Hé... est-ce que c'est la salle de club des beaux arts?"
// \{\m{B}} "Hey... is this the fine arts clubroom?"
// \{\m{B}} 「あのさ、ここ、美術部の部室？」
<0030> \{Etudiante} "........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0031> \{\m{B}} "Hé toi. Je te parles."
// \{\m{B}} "You there. I'm talking to you."
// \{\m{B}} 「そこの、おまえ。おまえに話しかけてんの」
<0032> Elle incline sa tête tout en se pointant du doigt.
// She tilts her head as she points at herself.
// ぴっ、と自分を指さして、首を傾げてみせた。
<0033> \{\m{B}} "C'est ça, il n'y a personne ici sauf toi, non?"
// \{\m{B}} "That's right, there's nobody here except you, right?"
// \{\m{B}} 「そう、おまえ以外いないだろ」
<0034> Elle se pointe du doigt dur comme fer cette fois, comme si elle se demandait si c'était à elle que je m'adressait.
// She points at herself wholeheartedly this time, as if she's asking if she's the one I'm talking to.
// 今度は、人差し指を立ててみせた。もう一回言ってくれ、という意味か。
<0035> \{\m{B}} "Est-ce que c'est la salle de club des beaux arts?"
// \{\m{B}} "Is this the fine arts clubroom?"
// \{\m{B}} 「ここ、美術部の部室か？」
<0036> Elle agite sa tête tout en restant dans le coin de la pièce.
// She shakes her head as she stays in the corner of the room.
// ふるふる、と部屋の角に挟まったままで首を横に振った。
// Shakes head should convey the physical movement message. -Amoirsp
<0037> \{\m{B}} "D'accord. Parce que les autres membres ne sont pas là."
// \{\m{B}} "That's right. Because the other members are not here."
// \{\m{B}} 「だよな。他に部員いないもんな」
<0038> \{\m{B}} "Dans ce cas, ca veut dire que tu as sauté ton cours de beaux-arts, parce que tu étais en retard sur ton projet?"
// \{\m{B}} "If so, it means you're skipping your fine arts lesson because you're late on your project?"
// \{\m{B}} 「なら、あれだ。美術の授業、さぼりまくって、課題が遅れてんだな」
<0039> Elle agite sa tête une fois de plus.
// Elle agite sa tete une fois de plus.
// ふるふる、と首を振った。
<0040> \{\m{B}} "Alors, c'est ton passe-temps?"
// \{\m{B}} "Then, is this your hobby?"
// \{\m{B}} 「じゃ、単なる趣味？」
<0041> Elle agite de nouveau sa tête.
// She shakes her head again.
// ふるふる、と首を振った。
<0042> \{\m{B}} "Qu'est-ce que tu fais alors?"
// \{\m{B}} "Qu'est-ce que tu fais alors?"
// \{\m{B}} 「じゃ、なにしてたんだよ？」
<0043> \{Etudiante} "Tu veux parler de ça?"
// \{Female Student} "You mean this?"
// \{女生徒} 「これですかっ」
<0044> Elle me montre le morceau de bois taillé qu'elle tenait devant sa poitrine.
// She shows me the wooden carving she was holding in front of her chest.
// Changed "showed" to "shows" for tense agreement.
// 胸の前に、木彫りの彫刻を掲げてみせた。
<0045> \{\m{B}} "Ouais, ça."
// \{\m{B}} "Yeah, that."
// \{\m{B}} 「ああ、それ」
<0046> \{Etudiante} "C'est... quelque chose, que j'aime le plus..."*
// \{Female Student} "It's... some thing, a most favorite one..."
// prev.tl.: <0046> \{Female Student} "It's... something, Fuuko really likes a lot..."*
// Added an 's' to "like".
// Using just really like sounds like you're saying it's similar to something, not highly liked. -Amoirsp
// Fuuko's use of the third person is really quite an impediment here as the sentence would not make sense in English without the "I", I suggest sticking "Fuuko" in as is her custom even though the text does not use it till later on, as it hardly affects the story. I doubt Tomoya's the sort of person to pay attention to such details so early on. - Kinny Riddle
// The immense density required to miss such repeated self-reference would be a character trait mocked throughout the game. General image simply breaks with this uncalledness for. Or is English that weak as a language?.. ~unreg.
// \{女生徒} 「これは…大好きな、ですね…」
<0047> \{Etudiante} "........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0048> Elle fit soudainement un tête joyeuse.
// She suddenly makes a really happy face.
// ほわーんとした顔をしている。
<0049> Comme si elle faisait un merveilleux rêve.
// As if she's having a really wonderful dream.
// ひとりで、とても素敵なことを夢想しているようだ。
<0050> \{Etudiante} "........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0051> \{\m{B}} (Here's my chance...)
// \{\m{B}} (Here's my chance...)
// \{\m{B}} （隙だらけだぞ…）
<0052> I quickly move in front of her.
// I quickly move in front of her.
// 俺は早足で、女の子の正面まで歩み寄った。
<0053> And then, I take the knife from her hand.
// And then, I take the knife from her hand.
// そして、手からナイフを奪い取る。
<0054> \{Female Student} "Ah..."
// \{Female Student} "Ah..."
// \{女生徒} 「あっ…」
<0055> \{\m{B}} "Well now, I'll be confiscating this."
// \{\m{B}} "Well now, I'll be confiscating this."
// \{\m{B}} 「まぁまぁ、返すからさ」
<0056> \{\m{B}} "Isn't it dangerous to be holding a knife?"
// \{\m{B}} "Isn't it dangerous to be holding a knife?"
// \{\m{B}} 「こんなナイフ使ってて、危なっかしくねぇ？」
<0057> When I look closely, I see a bandage wrapped around her hand.
// When I look closely, I see a bandage wrapped around her hand.
// 見ると、女の子の片手は包帯が巻かれていた。
<0058> \{Female Student} "........."
// \{女生徒} 「………」
<0059> She stares up at me, probably because she wants the knife back.
// She stares up at me, probably because she wants the knife back.
// original wording: She is looking at me, I wonder if she wants her cutter back.
// ナイフを返してほしいのか、じっと俺を見上げている。
<0060> \{\m{B}} "Anyway, stop this now."
// \{\m{B}} "Anyway, stop this now."
// \{\m{B}} 「つーか、やめとけ」
<0061> \{Female Student} "...Eh?"
// \{女生徒} 「…え？」
<0062> \{\m{B}} "Doing this thing when you're really hurt..."
// \{\m{B}} 「おまえ、そんな怪我してまでやることかよ…」
<0063> \{Female Student} "It was choice to do this... please don't get in the way."
// prev.tl.: <0063> \{Female Student} "Fuuko wants to do this... please leave Fuuko alone."
// should he still not notice, it apeearing twice in one line? ~unreg.
// \{女生徒} 「やりたいんです…放っておいてください」
<0064> \{Female Student} "Please give that back."
// Any line that has please give that back would likely use an exclamation mark. -Amoirsp
// Not sure what to do with the "sore". Maybe "therefore?", but too long. -Amoirsp
// Alt - "So, please give it back." - Kinny Riddle
// \{女生徒} 「それ、返してください」
<0065> \{\m{B}} "Your hand hurts, right?"
// \{\m{B}} 「手、痛いだろ？」
<0066> \{Female Student} "It doesn't hurt."
// \{女生徒} 「痛くないです」
<0067> \{\m{B}} "Liar."
// \{\m{B}} 「嘘つけ」
<0068> \{Female Student} "This hand is wrapped... just to be safe."
// prev. tl.<0068> \{Female Student} "Fuuko's hand is wrapped... just to be safe."
// come on, the first word you supposedly hear from a speaker and not notice it being a name? ~unreg
// Replacing with alt. Fuuko doesn't use pronouns when referring to herself, if I remember correctly. Original: "Just wrapped my hand ... just in case."
// Alt - "Fuuko's hand is wrapped...just to be safe." - Same reason for inserting "Fuuko" as above. - Kinny Riddle
// Ellipses may be out of place. -Amoirsp
// \{女生徒} 「念のため…巻いてるだけです」
<0069> \{\m{B}} "Let's shake hands, then."
// \{\m{B}} 「じゃ、握手」
<0070> \{Female Student} "Alright."
// \{女生徒} 「はい」
<0071> I grasp her hand tightly.
// 俺は、女の子の手を強めに握った。
<0072> \{Female Student} "Uhhhhh......"
// \{女生徒} 「ぐ……」
<0073> She suddenly pulls her hand away and runs.
// どんっ、と俺を押しのけて、走っていく。
<0074> I sit near the corner.
// 対角線の隅で、しゃがみこんでいた。
<0075> \{\m{B}} (That must really hurt...)
// \{\m{B}} （すんげぇ痛そうだ…）
<0076> I wait for a while...
// しばらくして…
<0077> \{Female Student} "It didn't hurt."
// \{女生徒} 「痛くなかったです」
<0078> She returns with a face that's about to cry.
// 泣く寸前の顔で戻ってきた。
<0079> \{Female Student} "Please give it back."
// \{女生徒} 「返してください」
<0080> \{\m{B}} "May I shake hands with you one more time?"
// \{\m{B}} 「もう一回、握手してみていい？」
<0081> \{Female Student} "No."
// \{女生徒} 「ダメです」
<0082> \{\m{B}} "And why is that?"
// \{\m{B}} 「どうして」
<0083> \{Female Student} "Shaking hands was already done. Shaking hands isn't something you do every time."
//prev.tl.: <0083> \{Female Student} "Fuuko already shook hands with you. Shaking hands isn't something you do every time."
// \{女生徒} 「もうダメです。一回握手しました。握手はたくさんするもんじゃないです」
<0084> \{\m{B}} "That's true..."
// \{\m{B}} 「確かに」
<0085> \{\m{B}} "Let's high five then."
// \{\m{B}} 「じゃ、ハイタッチ」
// Literally let's high touch then. -Amoirsp
<0086> \{Female Student} "High five?"
// \{女生徒} 「はいたっち？」
<0087> \{\m{B}} "When you shoot a ball in any ball game, your teammates will give you a high five."
// How about, "When you score a point in any ball game, your teammates will give you a high five."? To make the next sentence agree, you can just change "shooting" to "scoring" or change the sentence to mean that she isn't playing a ball game.
// \{\m{B}} 「球技でシュートを決めたときとかに、仲間同士で手を高くでタッチし合うんだ」
// The problem with the literal of this line is that you also have to make the basket. We'll have to add it later.
// Or rather this line is supposed to imply you make the shot. If not, it makes no sense at all. -Amoirsp
<0088> \{Female Student} "There's no shooting anything right now."
// prev.tl.: <0088> \{Female Student} "Fuuko's not shooting anything right now."
// \{女生徒} 「シュート決めてないです」
<0089> \{\m{B}} "It's all right, you just need to imagine it."
// \{\m{B}} 「いいんだよ、そんなの想像で」
<0090> \{\m{B}} "Let's go then."
// Not sure why, but I personally think it would go better as, "Then, let's go."
// \{\m{B}} 「じゃ、いくぞ」
<0091> I make a clumsy basketball free throw pose.
// 俺はバスケのフリースローのポーズを不格好に取る。
<0092> \{\m{B}} "Shoot......... it went in!"
// \{\m{B}} 「シュートッ………入った！」
<0093> \{\m{B}} "Alright, raise that hand of yours."
// \{\m{B}} 「ほら、片手あげて」
<0094> \{Female Student} "Alright."
// \{女生徒} 「はい」
<0095> Clap!
// ぱんっ！
<0096> I hit her palm with my palm.
// たたき合う。
<0097> \{Female Student} "Uhh..."
// \{女生徒} 「ぐ…」
<0098> She pulls away from me again and runs past me.
// また、俺を押しのけて、対角線へと駆けていった。
<0099> \{\m{B}} (It hurts her when I grasp her hand... it'll definitely hurt if I hit it...)
// \{\m{B}} （握るより痛かっただろうな…叩いてんだからな…）
<0100> I wait for a while...
// しばらくして…
<0101> \{Female Student} "It didn't hurt."
// \{女生徒} 「痛くなかったです」
<0102> She comes back with traces of tears on her face.
// 涙の跡が残る顔で戻ってきた。
<0103> \{Female Student} "Please give it back."
// \{女生徒} 「返してください」
<0104> \{\m{B}} "This time, we can do a high five as many times as we like."
// \{\m{B}} 「ハイタッチは、何度でもするもんだからな」
<0105> \{\m{B}} "Shoot......it went in again!"
// \{\m{B}} 「シュートっ……また、入った！」
<0106> \{\m{B}} "Alright, raise your hand."
// Orig TL: "All right, bring your hand up."
// \{\m{B}} 「ほら、手、あげて」
<0107> \{Female Student} "Okay."
// \{女生徒} 「はい」
<0108> Clap!
// ぱんっ！
<0109> \{Female Student} "Uhh..."
// \{女生徒} 「ぐ…」
<0110> She runs away again.
// また、走っていく。
<0111> \{\m{B}} "See? It hurts, right? You should stop for now until it's healed."
// \{\m{B}} 「ほら、痛いだろ。治るまで、やめとけ」
<0112> I put the knife in my pocket.
// 俺はポケットにナイフを仕舞う。
<0113> \{Female Student} "Please give it back."
// \{女生徒} 「返してください」
// I think we'll just copy this line every time it's said. -Amoirsp
<0114> She's still saying that.
// まだ、そんなことを言う。
<0115> \{\m{B}} "If you get seriously hurt here, people having club activities in the next room will be bothered." // 0115 - 0120 appears if you've heard of Nagisa's Drama Club dream, otherwise skip to 0121
// Should this be, "If you get seriously hurt"? I don't understand the point of "seriously" modifying "get".
// Me neither. The original line says "get a serious injury"; this translation implies truly getting hurt, instead of getting hurt badly. -HK
// \{\m{B}} 「隣で、平和に部活を始めようとしてる奴もいるんだ。こっちで大怪我でもされたら、迷惑かけるだろ」
<0116> \{Female Student} "There shouldn't be anyone in the next room."
// \{女生徒} 「隣、誰もいなかったはずです」
<0117> \{\m{B}} "There will be, from now on."
// \{\m{B}} 「いるんだよ。これからは」
<0118> \{\m{B}} "That's why you should wait for your injury to heal."
// \{\m{B}} 「だから、怪我が治るまで大人しくしてろ」
<0119> \{\m{B}} "And also, you wouldn't be able to make something nice with that injury, right?"
// Suggesting changing "do" to "make", so its meaning is clearer.
// \{\m{B}} 「それに、そんな怪我じゃ、いいものだってできないぞ？」
<0120> \{\m{B}} "Wait for your injury to heal." // To 0123
// \{\m{B}} 「怪我が治るまで大人しくしてろ」
<0121> \{\m{B}} "You wouldn't be able to make something nice with that injury, right?"
// Same suggestion with "do" and "make". Also, is this one a question? Making it a statement [Taking out ",right?".] would reduce the repetitiveness.
// \{\m{B}} 「そんな怪我じゃ、いいものだってできないだろ」
<0122> \{\m{B}} "I don't know what you are working hard for, but wouldn't it be great if it turns out nice?"
// \{\m{B}} 「なんのために、頑張ってんだか知らないけどさ、いいものになったほうがいいんだろ？」
<0123> \{Female Student} "But..."
// \{女生徒} 「でも…」
<0124> \{Female Student} "There's no time to waste."
// prev.tl.: <0124> \{Female Student} "Fuuko doesn't have time to waste."
// \{女生徒} 「手を休めてる暇なんてないんです」
<0125> \{\m{B}} "Did a terrible teacher make you do this?"
// \{\m{B}} 「よっぽど嫌な教師の命令か？」
<0126> \{Female Student} "No, it is personal decision to do this."
// prev.tl.: <0126> \{Female Student} "No, Fuuko is the one who decided to do this."
// Fuuko doesn't use "I".
// \{女生徒} 「違います。自分で思いついたことです」
<0127> \{\m{B}} "Then it's alright to rest your hand."
// Changed "all right" to "alright". "alright" is used more in later SEENs.
// Moved "then" to the beginning of the sentence, because it is being used as, "Because of this."
// \{\m{B}} 「じゃ、いいじゃないか。手を休めろ」
<0128> I say that and leave the room.
// そう言って、俺は教室を後にする。
<0129> I go out to the corridor and look back; it was getting dark but I can see her looking down at her wood carving.*
// Replacing "looked" with "look" to make the tenses agree. For comma splice, you could use, 'It was getting dark as I go [I'm having problems with using the word "go". Couldn't something better be used.] out to the corridor, but as I look back, I can see her looking down at her wood carving.'
// Comma splice, please fix.
// 廊下に出て振り返ると、途方に暮れたように、じっと木彫りの彫刻に目を落とす女の子の姿があった。
<0130> She seems to be crying.
// 泣き出しそうだった。
<0131> \{\m{B}} (I wonder if I was a little cruel...?)
// \{\m{B}} （少し可哀想なことしたか…？）
<0132> \{\m{B}} (But, isn't she an idiot for doing some carving when she has that kind of injury...?)
// \{\m{B}} （でも、あんな怪我で彫ろうなんて馬鹿じゃないのか…）
<0133> \{\m{B}} (She should worry about her body a little bit...)
// \{\m{B}} （少しは自分の身を案じろっての…）
<0134> She'll regret it if she gets hurt for something unreasonable.
// 怪我している時に無理して、一生後悔することだってある。
<0135> I know that kind of feeling myself.
// そのことを俺は身をもって知っていた。
<0136> \{\m{B}} "Tsk..."
// \{\m{B}} 「ちっ…」
<0137> I turn around and look outside the window.
// 肩を回して、窓の外を見る。
<0138> I look below... \pand there she is. // Return to SEEN0417
// そのまま、視線を下げていくと…\pそこにいた。
<0139> She looks frightened. I guess it would be wise to let her be. // Option 1: Path from 0025
// 怯えてるようだし、そっとしておいてやるのが賢明だ。
<0140> \{\m{B}} "Sorry for frightening you, I'll be leaving now."
// \{\m{B}} 「驚かして悪かったよ。もういくからな」
<0141> I leave those words as I leave the room.
// そう言い残して、俺は教室を後にした。
<0142> I wonder why...
// さて、どうしたものかな…。
<0143> I look outside the window.
// 窓の外を見る。
<0144> I look below... \pand there she is. // Return to SEEN0417
// Changing "was" to "is" for tense agreement.
// そのまま、視線を下げていくと…\pそこにいた。