Tabi ni Deyou:Journey - Revision history

69.119.74.100: Hi, I didnt add anything I just removed good... In this line "Sure! Hey youngster, look good after her, okay?"... It didnt make sense to me since the people was pretty much trying to say, look after her so I just removed good.

2014-01-13T15:39:41Z

Hi, I didnt add anything I just removed good... In this line "Sure! Hey youngster, look good after her, okay?"... It didnt make sense to me since the people was pretty much trying to say, look after her so I just removed good.

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:39, 13 January 2014
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	"Y-Yes. Have a nice day."		"Y-Yes. Have a nice day."

	"Sure! Hey youngster, look ~~good~~ after her, okay?"		"Sure! Hey youngster, look after her, okay?"

	"Yes. Just leave it to me."		"Yes. Just leave it to me."

69.119.74.100 at 15:00, 13 January 2014

2014-01-13T15:00:26Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:00, 13 January 2014
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	To begin with, one needed a stepladder to even get those boxes down! He didn't have enough capacities to care about their contents.		To begin with, one needed a stepladder to even get those boxes down! He didn't have enough capacities to care about their contents.

	Suddenly, a shiny tiny tip poked ~~though~~ the cardboard box the boy was carrying.		Suddenly, a shiny tiny tip poked through the cardboard box the boy was carrying.

	"Whoa, doc! What the heck is this?! It's a needle! There's a needle!"		"Whoa, doc! What the heck is this?! It's a needle! There's a needle!"

Senile seinen at 06:07, 20 January 2013

2013-01-20T06:07:42Z

Show changes

EusthEnoptEron at 23:34, 12 January 2013

2013-01-12T23:34:04Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:34, 12 January 2013
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	"...Sucks," she grumbled, sitting on the passenger seat and looking up through the front glass at the clouds that covered the entire sky like a blanket made of old dirty wool.		"...Sucks," she grumbled, sitting on the passenger seat and looking up through the front glass at the clouds that covered the entire sky like a blanket made of old dirty wool.

	"Yeah... maybe the sun has left you in the lurch at last?"<!-- referring to "beloved by the sun" --> <!-- how close is this translation to the original? If I were writing it I would have made the reference a little more explicit, but let's not mess with the authorial intent -s_s --> he said in jest as he wrung his soaked socks in a gap he had opened the door to.		"Yeah... maybe the sun has left you in the lurch at last?"<!-- referring to "beloved by the sun" --> <!-- how close is this translation to the original? If I were writing it I would have made the reference a little more explicit, but let's not mess with the authorial intent -s_s --><!-- It's pretty explicit. The Japanese have the nice words 晴れ女 and 雨男, which were used in the previous chapter. Here he literally says "Looks like luck has left even our Hare-onna." -EEE --> he said in jest as he wrung his soaked socks in a gap he had opened the door to.

	The persistent rain outside did not seem to end anytime soon, whereas the clothes they had taken off did not seem to get dry anytime soon.		The persistent rain outside did not seem to end anytime soon, whereas the clothes they had taken off did not seem to get dry anytime soon.
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	He held out her blue mug toward her seat.		He held out her blue mug toward her seat.

	"Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased."<!-- Maybe change a little. Literally: Mh, you have proven not bad skill there. You shall have my praise. --><!-- OK, so we need to channel some Elizabeth R here presuming that she answers in a pseudo Genji Monogatari dialect as well. ''Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased.'' I'm using the royal 'we' for her, which means that his speech is now technically wrong, because he's using 'thee' (singular) instead of 'you' (plural, which is correct when addressing a monarch.). But the royal we is just too good to pass up here. We can interpret this as a little one-upmanship on her part: 'you called me a princess, but I'm actually the queen.' so it's all good. And, btw, ''Mh'' doesn't work in English. -s_s -->		"Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased."<!-- Maybe change a little. Literally: Mh, you have proven not bad skill there. You shall have my praise. --><!-- OK, so we need to channel some Elizabeth R here presuming that she answers in a pseudo Genji Monogatari dialect as well. ''Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased.'' I'm using the royal 'we' for her, which means that his speech is now technically wrong, because he's using 'thee' (singular) instead of 'you' (plural, which is correct when addressing a monarch.). But the royal we is just too good to pass up here. We can interpret this as a little one-upmanship on her part: 'you called me a princess, but I'm actually the queen.' so it's all good. And, btw, ''Mh'' doesn't work in English. -s_s --><!-- Implications! Sounds good. By the way, funny that you mention the "mh"; Grrarr pointed out the exact same thing to me during the translation process of Hakomari 5. Always glad to hear about those little mistakes that could be avoided easily. -EEE -->

	She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with. A strong fragrance rose together with hot steam like a living being from from the black tea, despite it being of a cheap type, and tickled the girl's nose. ''Way too strong! Well, but he made it caring about me, so I'll be grateful.''		She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with. A strong fragrance rose together with hot steam like a living being from from the black tea, despite it being of a cheap type, and tickled the girl's nose. ''Way too strong! Well, but he made it caring about me, so I'll be grateful.''

Senile seinen: subbed new Elizabethan line for the girl accepting tea.

2013-01-12T21:24:57Z

subbed new Elizabethan line for the girl accepting tea.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:24, 12 January 2013
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	He held out her blue mug toward her seat.		He held out her blue mug toward her seat.

	"Mh, ~~you have done good work~~. ~~I am satisfied~~."<!-- Maybe change a little. Literally: Mh, you have proven not bad skill there. You shall have my praise. --><!-- OK, so we need to channel some Elizabeth R here presuming that she answers in a pseudo Genji Monogatari dialect as well. ''Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased.'' I'm using the royal 'we' for her, which means that his speech is now technically wrong, because he's using 'thee' (singular) instead of 'you' (plural, which is correct when addressing a monarch.). But the royal we is just too good to pass up here. We can interpret this as a little one-upmanship on her part: 'you called me a princess, but I'm actually the queen.' so it's all good. -s_s -->		"Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased."<!-- Maybe change a little. Literally: Mh, you have proven not bad skill there. You shall have my praise. --><!-- OK, so we need to channel some Elizabeth R here presuming that she answers in a pseudo Genji Monogatari dialect as well. ''Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased.'' I'm using the royal 'we' for her, which means that his speech is now technically wrong, because he's using 'thee' (singular) instead of 'you' (plural, which is correct when addressing a monarch.). But the royal we is just too good to pass up here. We can interpret this as a little one-upmanship on her part: 'you called me a princess, but I'm actually the queen.' so it's all good. And, btw, ''Mh'' doesn't work in English. -s_s -->

	She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with. A strong fragrance rose together with hot steam like a living being from from the black tea, despite it being of a cheap type, and tickled the girl's nose. ''Way too strong! Well, but he made it caring about me, so I'll be grateful.''		She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with. A strong fragrance rose together with hot steam like a living being from from the black tea, despite it being of a cheap type, and tickled the girl's nose. ''Way too strong! Well, but he made it caring about me, so I'll be grateful.''

Senile seinen at 19:59, 12 January 2013

2013-01-12T19:59:54Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:59, 12 January 2013
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	Queer as it was, the brown blanket the girl had wrapped around herself suddenly looked like an elegant courtly gown<ref>If you are interested, the original text refers to a so-called "Juunihitoe". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juunihitoe</ref><!-- to be decided whether to use robe, kimono or jūnihitoe as in the original --> when he used such a style of speaking.<!-- I think you need a translation - I recognized the robe when I clicked through and saw the pic, but didn't know the word. If I don't know the word, it's a near certainty that you're under 1% of readership knowing it. 'No translation is no translation.' 'Elegant courtly gown' is plenty close enough and will tie in to the Elizabethan persiflage above. -s_s --><!-- Agreed. I left a note for those who are interested in lingual tidbits. ~~~~ -->		Queer as it was, the brown blanket the girl had wrapped around herself suddenly looked like an elegant courtly gown<ref>If you are interested, the original text refers to a so-called "Juunihitoe". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juunihitoe</ref><!-- to be decided whether to use robe, kimono or jūnihitoe as in the original --> when he used such a style of speaking.<!-- I think you need a translation - I recognized the robe when I clicked through and saw the pic, but didn't know the word. If I don't know the word, it's a near certainty that you're under 1% of readership knowing it. 'No translation is no translation.' 'Elegant courtly gown' is plenty close enough and will tie in to the Elizabethan persiflage above. -s_s --><!-- Agreed. I left a note for those who are interested in lingual tidbits. ~~~~ -->

	"Milady, ~~your~~ tea."		"Milady, thy tea."

	He held out her blue mug toward her seat.		He held out her blue mug toward her seat.

Senile seinen at 19:57, 12 January 2013

2013-01-12T19:57:24Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:57, 12 January 2013
Line 1:		Line 1:
	"...Sucks," she grumbled, sitting on the passenger seat and looking up through the front glass at the clouds that covered the entire sky like a blanket made of old dirty wool.		"...Sucks," she grumbled, sitting on the passenger seat and looking up through the front glass at the clouds that covered the entire sky like a blanket made of old dirty wool.

	"Yeah... maybe the sun has left you in the lurch at last?"<!-- referring to "beloved by the sun" --> he said in jest as he wrung his soaked socks in a gap he had opened the door to.		"Yeah... maybe the sun has left you in the lurch at last?"<!-- referring to "beloved by the sun" --> <!-- how close is this translation to the original? If I were writing it I would have made the reference a little more explicit, but let's not mess with the authorial intent -s_s --> he said in jest as he wrung his soaked socks in a gap he had opened the door to.

	The persistent rain outside did not seem to end anytime soon, whereas the clothes they had taken off did not seem to get dry anytime soon.		The persistent rain outside did not seem to end anytime soon, whereas the clothes they had taken off did not seem to get dry anytime soon.
Line 61:		Line 61:
	He held out her blue mug toward her seat.		He held out her blue mug toward her seat.

	"Mh, you have done good work. I am satisfied."<!-- Maybe change a little. Literally: Mh, you have proven not bad skill there. You shall have my praise. -->		"Mh, you have done good work. I am satisfied."<!-- Maybe change a little. Literally: Mh, you have proven not bad skill there. You shall have my praise. --><!-- OK, so we need to channel some Elizabeth R here presuming that she answers in a pseudo Genji Monogatari dialect as well. ''Mm, thou didst not labor in vain. We are well pleased.'' I'm using the royal 'we' for her, which means that his speech is now technically wrong, because he's using 'thee' (singular) instead of 'you' (plural, which is correct when addressing a monarch.). But the royal we is just too good to pass up here. We can interpret this as a little one-upmanship on her part: 'you called me a princess, but I'm actually the queen.' so it's all good. -s_s -->

	She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with. A strong fragrance rose together with hot steam like a living being from from the black tea, despite it being of a cheap type, and tickled the girl's nose. ''Way too strong! Well, but he made it caring about me, so I'll be grateful.''		She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with. A strong fragrance rose together with hot steam like a living being from from the black tea, despite it being of a cheap type, and tickled the girl's nose. ''Way too strong! Well, but he made it caring about me, so I'll be grateful.''

EusthEnoptEron at 09:40, 12 January 2013

2013-01-12T09:40:15Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 09:40, 12 January 2013
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	"Nah, I'm fine. But aren't you? The rain should have hit you harder than me, after all," she inquired with a lopsided smile.		"Nah, I'm fine. But aren't you? The rain should have hit you harder than me, after all," she inquired with a lopsided smile.

	The boy responded with a laugh, "~~You need~~ not ~~worry~~, milady! I ~~don't catch a cold so~~ easily, for I am a ~~member of the menfolk!~~ But ~~you are~~ a ~~lady~~, ~~so please make yourself comfortable~~ and ~~take good care~~."<!-- You're trying some courtly speech here, right? I'm guessing the original has a Genji Monogatari sound to it. If so, you generally hit the right note to the modern ear by using a Shakesperian dialect, possibly softened up a bit because some words are beyond modern ken. Something like this, perhaps: ''Fear not, milady! I do not shiver and snivel easily for I am naught but a rough and uncouth swain. But, as thou art a fine and delicate maiden, must needs always be comforted and cosseted as befits thee.'' -s_s -->		The boy responded with a laugh, "Fear not, milady! I do not shiver and snivel easily for I am naught but a rough and uncouth swain. But, as thou art a fine and delicate maiden, must needs always be comforted and cosseted as befits thee."<!-- You're trying some courtly speech here, right? I'm guessing the original has a Genji Monogatari sound to it. If so, you generally hit the right note to the modern ear by using a Shakesperian dialect, possibly softened up a bit because some words are beyond modern ken. Something like this, perhaps: ''Fear not, milady! I do not shiver and snivel easily for I am naught but a rough and uncouth swain. But, as thou art a fine and delicate maiden, must needs always be comforted and cosseted as befits thee.'' -s_s --><!-- Now that sounds authentic. Bought. ~~~~ -->

	Queer as it was, the brown blanket the girl had wrapped around herself suddenly looked like an [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juunihitoe ~~elegant robe]~~<!-- to be decided whether to use robe, kimono or jūnihitoe as in the original --> when he used such a style of speaking.<!-- I think you need a translation - I recognized the robe when I clicked through and saw the pic, but didn't know the word. If I don't know the word, it's a near certainty that you're under 1% of readership knowing it. 'No translation is no translation.' 'Elegant courtly gown' is plenty close enough and will tie in to the Elizabethan persiflage above. -s_s -->		Queer as it was, the brown blanket the girl had wrapped around herself suddenly looked like an elegant courtly gown<ref>If you are interested, the original text refers to a so-called "Juunihitoe". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juunihitoe</ref><!-- to be decided whether to use robe, kimono or jūnihitoe as in the original --> when he used such a style of speaking.<!-- I think you need a translation - I recognized the robe when I clicked through and saw the pic, but didn't know the word. If I don't know the word, it's a near certainty that you're under 1% of readership knowing it. 'No translation is no translation.' 'Elegant courtly gown' is plenty close enough and will tie in to the Elizabethan persiflage above. -s_s --><!-- Agreed. I left a note for those who are interested in lingual tidbits. ~~~~ -->

	"Milady, your tea."		"Milady, your tea."
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	They shared a laugh together.		They shared a laugh together.

	After ending their simple dinner consisting of ~~durable~~ biscuits and black tea, <!-- this is almost certainly something like tea biscuits or ship's biscuit, isn't it? Probably should choose one of those. -s_s -->they cleared some tasks such as putting their luggage in order and checking their provisions, and then went to sleep early.		After ending their simple dinner consisting of ship's biscuits and black tea, <!-- this is almost certainly something like tea biscuits or ship's biscuit, isn't it? Probably should choose one of those. -s_s --><!-- True, considering that they ate hardtack in the first chapter. ~~~~ -->they cleared some tasks such as putting their luggage in order and checking their provisions, and then went to sleep early.

	[[Image:Tabi_ni_Deyou_P0210.jpg\|thumb\|She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with.]]		[[Image:Tabi_ni_Deyou_P0210.jpg\|thumb\|She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with.]]
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	This was the start of Princess' journey. And the first page of her diary was sure to tell the events of that day.		This was the start of Princess' journey. And the first page of her diary was sure to tell the events of that day.



			<references />

Senile seinen at 02:15, 12 January 2013

2013-01-12T02:15:18Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:15, 12 January 2013
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	Preparing for a punch in the next moment, he kept his head down.		Preparing for a punch in the next moment, he kept his head down.

	However, there was no payback. Something was wrong, no doubt.		However, there was no payback. Something ''was'' wrong, no doubt.

	"Let me take your temperature."		"Let me take your temperature."

Senile seinen at 02:13, 12 January 2013

2013-01-12T02:13:00Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:13, 12 January 2013
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	They shared a laugh together.		They shared a laugh together.

	After ending their simple dinner consisting of durable biscuits and black tea, they cleared some tasks such as putting their luggage in order and checking their provisions, and then went to sleep early.		After ending their simple dinner consisting of durable biscuits and black tea, <!-- this is almost certainly something like tea biscuits or ship's biscuit, isn't it? Probably should choose one of those. -s_s -->they cleared some tasks such as putting their luggage in order and checking their provisions, and then went to sleep early.

	[[Image:Tabi_ni_Deyou_P0210.jpg\|thumb\|She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with.]]		[[Image:Tabi_ni_Deyou_P0210.jpg\|thumb\|She accepted her mug and looked down at the brown liquid the mug was brimful with.]]