Talk:Campione!:Volume 7 Chapter1 - Revision history

Zzhk: /* @Kira */

2012-08-14T02:13:19Z

@Kira

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:13, 14 August 2012
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	Well, I went to the wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikk%C5%8D_T%C5%8Dsh%C5%8D-g%C5%AB) and saw the usage of "the". Plus, there's usually a "the" in front of monuments, as in "the Arc de Triomphe".		Well, I went to the wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikk%C5%8D_T%C5%8Dsh%C5%8D-g%C5%AB) and saw the usage of "the". Plus, there's usually a "the" in front of monuments, as in "the Arc de Triomphe".

			===Part 2===

			"very likely one of Master's excuses": please cross-check the original if you're going to change meanings. Lu Yinghua already knows it's an excuse, he is telling Godou it is a very typical one.

			"invaded by immense divine powers": power is an uncountable term, unless you want to argue that Sun Wukong is using multiple powers in his spell?

			"a familiar voice echoed": echoes only occur in enclosed spaces... Anyway "was heard" is closer to the text.

Kira0802: /* Open to Discussion */

2012-08-13T16:12:57Z

Open to Discussion

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:12, 13 August 2012
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	"the Nikkou Toushouguu": adding the article "the" doesn't really sound correct, to me, it'd be like changing "Canada's Wonderland" to "the Canada's Wonderland."		"the Nikkou Toushouguu": adding the article "the" doesn't really sound correct, to me, it'd be like changing "Canada's Wonderland" to "the Canada's Wonderland."

			Well, I went to the wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikk%C5%8D_T%C5%8Dsh%C5%8D-g%C5%AB) and saw the usage of "the". Plus, there's usually a "the" in front of monuments, as in "the Arc de Triomphe".

Kira0802: /* Modified */ Replies

2012-08-13T16:08:52Z

Modified: Replies

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:08, 13 August 2012
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	meter vs metre: To me, the spelling of the metric measurement as "meter" is a complete and utter abomination, which unnecessarily conflates unrelated terms (e.g. parking meters). I'd rather write numerical digits and use the abbreviation instead.		meter vs metre: To me, the spelling of the metric measurement as "meter" is a complete and utter abomination, which unnecessarily conflates unrelated terms (e.g. parking meters). I'd rather write numerical digits and use the abbreviation instead.

			--Meter is the American spelling , so I changed it.

	"feet resting": I don't know, "feet resting" conjures an image of someone sitting back with their feet up on some foot rest... Changed.		"feet resting": I don't know, "feet resting" conjures an image of someone sitting back with their feet up on some foot rest... Changed.

			--Feet resting here would mean that the person use the cloud as support. But "to stand" also works, so no complaints here.

	"right on time": sounds like being punctual, which implies a schedule (which there is none).		"right on time": sounds like being punctual, which implies a schedule (which there is none).

			--I thought that "right on time" would mean here that t

	"surpassed from far": please try not to introduce new typos/errors. Besides, "far surpassed" is less wordy and equally correct in grammar as "surpass ___ by far." As a side note, the original sentence doesn't have the words "as a Campione" but it makes better sense to add the qualification, since he also met Verethragna. Anyway, I'm taking it out on further thought.		"surpassed from far": please try not to introduce new typos/errors. Besides, "far surpassed" is less wordy and equally correct in grammar as "surpass ___ by far." As a side note, the original sentence doesn't have the words "as a Campione" but it makes better sense to add the qualification, since he also met Verethragna. Anyway, I'm taking it out on further thought.

			--Got it.

	"on which Godou and the rest were standing on": there's already a preposition present in "standing on" so "on which" would be redundant. You can argue whether "which" or "that" is better, though they are equivalent.		"on which Godou and the rest were standing on": there's already a preposition present in "standing on" so "on which" would be redundant. You can argue whether "which" or "that" is better, though they are equivalent.

			--"on which Godou and the rest were standing" could work then?

	"the privilege of the young ones": two instances of "the" just sounds redundant, besides, the second "the" isn't necessary for grammatical correctness.		"the privilege of the young ones": two instances of "the" just sounds redundant, besides, the second "the" isn't necessary for grammatical correctness.

			--The second "the" would be put because it

	"snatch victory from me at such cost": "snatch at cost" doesn't work. Besides, the side effects of the Raptor are more like a price than a cost -- Godou's isn't losing anything in exchange (it doesn't cost him anything), but he pays the price of pain.		"snatch victory from me at such cost": "snatch at cost" doesn't work. Besides, the side effects of the Raptor are more like a price than a cost -- Godou's isn't losing anything in exchange (it doesn't cost him anything), but he pays the price of pain.

			--"at such high/low" cost is a formulation I've seen.

	"which plunged her into a deep thought": just a single thought? It's best not to make assumptions like that.		"which plunged her into a deep thought": just a single thought? It's best not to make assumptions like that.

	"then the best to do": missing a noun. You could go with "then the best ''thing'' to do" but I don't see a problem with "it would be best" which is less wordy.		"then the best to do": missing a noun. You could go with "then the best ''thing'' to do" but I don't see a problem with "it would be best" which is less wordy.

			--"It would be best" isn't something I've heard often, so I changed it. "It would be better" is often used, but I rarely heard "it would be best". "The best I can do", maybe?

	"but Luo Hao's were far sharper than his": wrong. The adjective "sharp" applies to "Luo Hao", meaning her skills and abilities in general. In other words, Godou just had good instincts, but Luo Hao is far more observant overall.		"but Luo Hao's were far sharper than his": wrong. The adjective "sharp" applies to "Luo Hao", meaning her skills and abilities in general. In other words, Godou just had good instincts, but Luo Hao is far more observant overall.

			--I put Luo Hao'''s'', implying Luo Hao' skills. So basically, it would mean "Godou had excellent instincts, but Luo Hao's (skills) were far sharper than his (skills)."

	"read those concerns as she reproached": it's better to sequence it -- reproaching after reading his mind rather than "as", i.e. at the same time.		"read those concerns as she reproached": it's better to sequence it -- reproaching after reading his mind rather than "as", i.e. at the same time.

			--It's fine then.

	"skillfully caught Godou's neck and lifted him, as Godou found his body rising continuously": since "rising" has to occur AFTER Godou's neck is caught, "as" again, does not express sequence adequately.		"skillfully caught Godou's neck and lifted him, as Godou found his body rising continuously": since "rising" has to occur AFTER Godou's neck is caught, "as" again, does not express sequence adequately.

			--I read it as "Godou's body was lifted as his body was raising". So basically, while Godou was being lifted by the tiger, he was raising (obviously) at the same time.

	===Open to Discussion===		===Open to Discussion===

	"the Nikkou Toushouguu": adding the article "the" doesn't really sound correct, to me, it'd be like changing "Canada's Wonderland" to "the Canada's Wonderland."		"the Nikkou Toushouguu": adding the article "the" doesn't really sound correct, to me, it'd be like changing "Canada's Wonderland" to "the Canada's Wonderland."

Zzhk: Edits

2012-08-13T11:28:12Z

Edits

New page

==@Kira==

===Modified===

meter vs metre: To me, the spelling of the metric measurement as "meter" is a complete and utter abomination, which unnecessarily conflates unrelated terms (e.g. parking meters). I'd rather write numerical digits and use the abbreviation instead.

"feet resting": I don't know, "feet resting" conjures an image of someone sitting back with their feet up on some foot rest... Changed.

"right on time": sounds like being punctual, which implies a schedule (which there is none).

"surpassed from far": please try not to introduce new typos/errors. Besides, "far surpassed" is less wordy and equally correct in grammar as "surpass ___ by far." As a side note, the original sentence doesn't have the words "as a Campione" but it makes better sense to add the qualification, since he also met Verethragna. Anyway, I'm taking it out on further thought.

"on which Godou and the rest were standing on": there's already a preposition present in "standing on" so "on which" would be redundant. You can argue whether "which" or "that" is better, though they are equivalent.

"the privilege of the young ones": two instances of "the" just sounds redundant, besides, the second "the" isn't necessary for grammatical correctness.

"snatch victory from me at such cost": "snatch at cost" doesn't work. Besides, the side effects of the Raptor are more like a price than a cost -- Godou's isn't losing anything in exchange (it doesn't cost him anything), but he pays the price of pain.

"which plunged her into a deep thought": just a single thought? It's best not to make assumptions like that.

"then the best to do": missing a noun. You could go with "then the best ''thing'' to do" but I don't see a problem with "it would be best" which is less wordy.

"but Luo Hao's were far sharper than his": wrong. The adjective "sharp" applies to "Luo Hao", meaning her skills and abilities in general. In other words, Godou just had good instincts, but Luo Hao is far more observant overall.

"read those concerns as she reproached": it's better to sequence it -- reproaching after reading his mind rather than "as", i.e. at the same time.

"skillfully caught Godou's neck and lifted him, as Godou found his body rising continuously": since "rising" has to occur AFTER Godou's neck is caught, "as" again, does not express sequence adequately.

===Open to Discussion===

"the Nikkou Toushouguu": adding the article "the" doesn't really sound correct, to me, it'd be like changing "Canada's Wonderland" to "the Canada's Wonderland."