Talk:Chrome Shelled Regios:Volume1 Chapter1 - Revision history

Blewin at 06:49, 13 August 2009

2009-08-13T06:49:09Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:49, 13 August 2009
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	-Cobra2150		-Cobra2150

			== reply ==
			'''
			"The way I usually look at it is if its not switching between who is talking, and the description pertains to some of what is said it should go with it, unless you especially want that portion of dialogue to stand out. Then you can break it up, inserting a pause by having the reader have to go to another line."'''

			The dialogue and descriptions are separated in the raw and I don't see a problem letting the dialogue stand on its own (and tag on the description if the description isn't too long). well.. no point in making a big issue out of it. Edit whichever way suits you.

			anyway, feel free to edit the chapters directly. Thanks for the input!

			- blewin

Cobra2150: /* Very Major edit..... */

2009-08-12T14:01:29Z

Very Major edit.....

Show changes

Cobra2150: /* What I think and a Question.... */

2009-08-12T13:59:55Z

What I think and a Question....

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:59, 12 August 2009
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	Only other question is, do you want me to keep posting them in the discussion area or just go and do the full edit.		Only other question is, do you want me to keep posting them in the discussion area or just go and do the full edit.


			Also I should be able to do about a chapter a week without much real trouble, I might do more if I get bored, which is a distinct possibility.


			-Cobra2150

Cobra2150: /* What I think and a Question.... */ new section

2009-08-12T13:14:45Z

What I think and a Question....: new section

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:14, 12 August 2009
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	- blewin		- blewin

			== What I think and a Question.... ==

			The way I usually look at it is if its not switching between who is talking, and the description pertains to some of what is said it should go with it, unless you especially want that portion of dialogue to stand out. Then you can break it up, inserting a pause by having the reader have to go to another line.

			Only other question is, do you want me to keep posting them in the discussion area or just go and do the full edit.

Blewin: /* Response to "Very Major edit....." */

2009-08-12T07:20:56Z

Response to "Very Major edit....."

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:20, 12 August 2009
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	"Let's see".		"Let's see".
	'''
	"No one is suitable. Everyone was affected by the atmosphere too much. You can't tell what'd happen in a battle. I want someone who can calmly observe without getting caught up in the confusion." Nina had been watching the entire commotion today. Every new Military Arts student was affected by the two who started the whole thing. Violent expressions on their faces said they wanted to join in and make the mess even bigger. To get caught up by the enemies like that was the same as digging their own graves.'''		'''"No one is suitable. Everyone was affected by the atmosphere too much. You can't tell what'd happen in a battle. I want someone who can calmly observe without getting caught up in the confusion." Nina had been watching the entire commotion today. Every new Military Arts student was affected by the two who started the whole thing. Violent expressions on their faces said they wanted to join in and make the mess even bigger. To get caught up by the enemies like that was the same as digging their own graves.'''

	I see we've different views on this point here.		I see we've different views on this point here.

	"You can't tell what'd happen in a battle," Nina said ''(comma)''.		'''"You can't tell what'd happen in a battle," Nina said''' ''(comma)''.

	Because the dialogue doesn't end with a comma, my understanding is that the explanation that follows the dialogue should start with a new paragraph (not really a "rule" to follow since language is versatile, but) - To me personally, that makes the dialogue stands out more and the division between dialogue and description/explanation whatever is clear and neat. I don't think putting that distinction in disrupts the flow since English does it too. I tend to put the description right after the dialogue if it isn't chunky.		Because the dialogue doesn't end with a comma, my understanding is that the explanation that follows the dialogue should start with a new paragraph (not really a "rule" to follow since language is versatile, but) - To me personally, that makes the dialogue stands out more and the division between dialogue and description/explanation whatever is clear and neat. I don't think putting that distinction in disrupts the flow since English does it too. I tend to put the description right after the dialogue if it isn't chunky.

			- blewin

Blewin at 07:19, 12 August 2009

2009-08-12T07:19:53Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:19, 12 August 2009
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	Alone once more, Karian took out a new document and laid it beside Layfon's resume. It was also a resume, but with the name Nina Antalk on it. "If things go well, this will become the strongest team. The problem is how to operate it..." he murmured. He didn't look cheerful at all.		Alone once more, Karian took out a new document and laid it beside Layfon's resume. It was also a resume, but with the name Nina Antalk on it. "If things go well, this will become the strongest team. The problem is how to operate it..." he murmured. He didn't look cheerful at all.


			== Response to "Very Major edit....." ==

			hi there. I don't think it's a "very major edit", since you didn't change any important things like characters' names etc. :) I really like your version. It's much smoother. Chapter 1 is less "english-friendly" you would say than other chapters, as it was my first time doing novel translation. I've endeavoured to link more sentences into paragraphs as I translated more and fumbled on with the craft of translation... though keeping the individual lines at times for emphasis.

			Anyway, if no one else objects and if you've the time on hand to do this, then please go ahead.

			Just a couple of points:

			'''"Dressed casually, the General Studies students walked as they chatted with friends. While reluctant smiles surfaced on Agricultural and Mechanical Engineering students who weren't used to the uniforms that they hadn't worn in a long time, and the Alchemy and Medical students wore dirty white coats over top of their uniforms. While the Military Arts students, who differed from the others, stepped towards the hall with their heads lifted high."'''

			Grammatically and semantically, the above two phrases starting with "while" don't quite make sense. Might want to rephrase it.

			'''"Lets see, Layfon Alseif, D-Rank scholarship, part-time work and classes."'''

			"Let's see".
			'''
			"No one is suitable. Everyone was affected by the atmosphere too much. You can't tell what'd happen in a battle. I want someone who can calmly observe without getting caught up in the confusion." Nina had been watching the entire commotion today. Every new Military Arts student was affected by the two who started the whole thing. Violent expressions on their faces said they wanted to join in and make the mess even bigger. To get caught up by the enemies like that was the same as digging their own graves.'''

			I see we've different views on this point here.

			"You can't tell what'd happen in a battle," Nina said ''(comma)''.

			Because the dialogue doesn't end with a comma, my understanding is that the explanation that follows the dialogue should start with a new paragraph (not really a "rule" to follow since language is versatile, but) - To me personally, that makes the dialogue stands out more and the division between dialogue and description/explanation whatever is clear and neat. I don't think putting that distinction in disrupts the flow since English does it too. I tend to put the description right after the dialogue if it isn't chunky.

Cobra2150: /* Very Major edit..... */

2009-08-11T20:07:21Z

Very Major edit.....

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:07, 11 August 2009
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	Since leaving you, I've been traveling on the bus for a month and have finally arrived at Zuellni. I made it in time for the opening ceremony of the term. During my journey, I had to change buses five times. Having lived in only one city ~~back~~, I never realized traveling could be so exhausting. It's really tiring and difficult to reach another city, since all the cities move according to their own consciousness. I never understood why the alchemists of the past gave cities self-consciousness. But that was apparently to enable them to avoid the filth monsters and save us. I can now see why they made the decision that they did.		Since leaving you, I've been traveling on the bus for a month and have finally arrived at Zuellni. I made it in time for the opening ceremony of the term. During my journey, I had to change buses five times. Having lived in only one city, I never realized traveling could be so exhausting. It's really tiring and difficult to reach another city, since all the cities move according to their own consciousness. I never understood why the alchemists of the past gave cities self-consciousness. But that was apparently to enable them to avoid the filth monsters and save us. I can now see why they made the decision that they did.

	During my journey, I once saw a group of filth monsters that were not that far away. Their cruel and dangerous appearance is really appalling. The thought of being attacked on a bus with nowhere to escape to was enough to raise all of the hairs on the back of my neck.		During my journey, I once saw a group of filth monsters that were not that far away. Their cruel and dangerous appearance is really appalling. The thought of being attacked on a bus with nowhere to escape to was enough to raise all of the hairs on the back of my neck.

Cobra2150: /* Very Major edit..... */ new section

2009-08-11T20:05:28Z

Very Major edit.....: new section

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Redlar at 01:02, 5 May 2009

2009-05-05T01:02:00Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:02, 5 May 2009
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	As for the second question, the meaning's closer to a jab. Let me change that to "You've got high body temperature, haven't you?" - blewin		As for the second question, the meaning's closer to a jab. Let me change that to "You've got high body temperature, haven't you?" - blewin

			"student-like all-encompassing fight"-This is a little confusing. When I read it, it sounds like it's an educational thing or something, but the wording is unclear. Could you clear this up? -Redlar

Blewin at 10:04, 3 May 2009

2009-05-03T10:04:52Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:04, 3 May 2009
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	“Is it right that your temperature is high?”is very confusing. Is there a better way to translate this?		“Is it right that your temperature is high?”is very confusing. Is there a better way to translate this?


			I'm not sure how this discussion thing works.... do we just edit the page to post a response? Anyway, that room is the heart of the city, so to me, it's like the central mechanism... so I worded it as the Mechanical Department. shrug

			As for the second question, the meaning's closer to a jab. Let me change that to "You've got high body temperature, haven't you?" - blewin