Talk:Date A Live:Volume 2 Chapter 5 - Revision history

RikiNutcase at 02:26, 24 November 2012

2012-11-24T02:26:46Z

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	The word you're looking for is decoy/distraction:		The word you're looking for is decoy/distraction:

	With Tohka acting as the decoy, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.		:With Tohka acting as the decoy, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.
	OR
	With that distraction, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.		:With that distraction, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.

	something along those lines.		something along those lines.


	The moment Shidou said that, Tohka made a sigh—the hand that was holding the sword and the light membranes that appeared on her body important parts, disappeared into the air.		The moment Shidou said that, Tohka made a sigh—the hand that was holding the sword and the light membranes that appeared on her body important parts, disappeared into the air. -important parts, is pretty vague - the light membranes that covered her vitals might be better
	~~'''~~important parts~~'''~~ is pretty vague - the light membranes that covered her vitals might be better?

	The pointed tip of the building that enters the radius of the expanded Territory got twisted out, and was grabbed to float mid air.		The pointed tip of the building that enters the radius of the expanded Territory got twisted out, and was grabbed to float mid air. --clarify what you mean by this description doesn't make sense, not sure which of the building you're referring to here.
	~~Could you~~ clarify what you mean by this description~~, or give any more details? having read the section I~~'~~m guessing all you mean by pointed tip~~, ~~is the roof~~ of the building ~~was pointed (which I think is a little weird on office blocks which is why it sounds a little off~~ to ~~me) and that's the part she pulled the building up from~~

	"…………….Shin. Please, you definitely have to save that girl. You would have to lie………to not go save this kind and gentle little girl."		"…………….Shin. Please, you definitely have to save that girl. You would have to lie………to not go save this kind and gentle little girl."
	the line sounds a little off still. I assume it is referencing the Shidou will be her hero thing, so promise may fit better than lie?		the line sounds a little off still. I assume it is referencing the Shidou will be her hero thing, so promise may fit better than lie?

	wheel of battles > endless cycle of battles?		wheel of battles > endless cycle of battles?
	--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 20:00, 23 November 2012 (CST)		--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 20:00, 23 November 2012 (CST)

			With that distraction, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier. <--this would do.

			??? what building? Origami just goes near it and rip the building off with the Territory

			thats in the original context and i cant play around with it since it's only one word available.

			endless cycle--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 20:26, 23 November 2012 (CST)

Drowzycow: trying to make my queries a little more readable

2012-11-24T02:14:15Z

trying to make my queries a little more readable

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:14, 24 November 2012
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	The word you're looking for is decoy/distraction:		The word you're looking for is decoy/distraction:

	:With Tohka acting as the decoy, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.		With Tohka acting as the decoy, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.
			OR
	:With that distraction, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.		With that distraction, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.

	something along those lines.		something along those lines.


	The moment Shidou said that, Tohka made a sigh—the hand that was holding the sword and the light membranes that appeared on her body important parts, disappeared into the air. -important parts, is pretty vague - the light membranes that covered her vitals might be better		The moment Shidou said that, Tohka made a sigh—the hand that was holding the sword and the light membranes that appeared on her body important parts, disappeared into the air.
			'''important parts''' is pretty vague - the light membranes that covered her vitals might be better?

	The pointed tip of the building that enters the radius of the expanded Territory got twisted out, and was grabbed to float mid air. --clarify what you mean by this description ~~doesn~~'~~t make sense~~, ~~not sure which~~ of the building ~~you~~'~~re referring to here.~~		The pointed tip of the building that enters the radius of the expanded Territory got twisted out, and was grabbed to float mid air.
			Could you clarify what you mean by this description, or give any more details? having read the section I'm guessing all you mean by pointed tip, is the roof of the building was pointed (which I think is a little weird on office blocks which is why it sounds a little off to me) and that's the part she pulled the building up from

	"…………….Shin. Please, you definitely have to save that girl. You would have to lie………to not go save this kind and gentle little girl."		"…………….Shin. Please, you definitely have to save that girl. You would have to lie………to not go save this kind and gentle little girl."
	the line sounds a little off still. I assume it is referencing the Shidou will be her hero thing, so promise may fit better than lie?		the line sounds a little off still. I assume it is referencing the Shidou will be her hero thing, so promise may fit better than lie?

	wheel of battles > endless cycle of battles?		wheel of battles > endless cycle of battles?
	--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 20:00, 23 November 2012 (CST)		--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 20:00, 23 November 2012 (CST)

Drowzycow: /* Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by... */ more suggestions

2012-11-24T02:00:34Z

Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by...: more suggestions

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	In the form of substitution together with that, <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier. <!--how do you mean by form of substitution ?--> (this one means) AST goes chasing after Tohka while Shidou passes through behind them without them noticing. need ideas in sentence formation--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 18:36, 23 November 2012 (CST)		In the form of substitution together with that, <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier. <!--how do you mean by form of substitution ?--> (this one means) AST goes chasing after Tohka while Shidou passes through behind them without them noticing. need ideas in sentence formation--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 18:36, 23 November 2012 (CST)

			The word you're looking for is decoy/distraction:

			:With Tohka acting as the decoy, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.

			:With that distraction, the <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, managed reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier.

			something along those lines.


			The moment Shidou said that, Tohka made a sigh—the hand that was holding the sword and the light membranes that appeared on her body important parts, disappeared into the air. -important parts, is pretty vague - the light membranes that covered her vitals might be better

			The pointed tip of the building that enters the radius of the expanded Territory got twisted out, and was grabbed to float mid air. --clarify what you mean by this description doesn't make sense, not sure which of the building you're referring to here.

			"…………….Shin. Please, you definitely have to save that girl. You would have to lie………to not go save this kind and gentle little girl."
			the line sounds a little off still. I assume it is referencing the Shidou will be her hero thing, so promise may fit better than lie?

			wheel of battles > endless cycle of battles?
			--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 20:00, 23 November 2012 (CST)

RikiNutcase at 00:36, 24 November 2012

2012-11-24T00:36:14Z

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	then dull-moving? dim-witted? anyways it was meant to be "a slow big rabbit"<===--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 22:52, 22 November 2012 (CST)		then dull-moving? dim-witted? anyways it was meant to be "a slow big rabbit"<===--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 22:52, 22 November 2012 (CST)

			In the form of substitution together with that, <Sandalphon> that Shidou was riding on, reached to the base of Yoshino's barrier. <!--how do you mean by form of substitution ?--> (this one means) AST goes chasing after Tohka while Shidou passes through behind them without them noticing. need ideas in sentence formation--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 18:36, 23 November 2012 (CST)

RikiNutcase: /* Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by... */

2012-11-23T04:52:26Z

Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by...

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:52, 23 November 2012
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	for the "slow-witted silhouette" thing, i cant really understand what that means and i dont think u can use slow witted in that kind of context.		for the "slow-witted silhouette" thing, i cant really understand what that means and i dont think u can use slow witted in that kind of context.
	--[[User:MonsterBandage\|MonsterBandage]] 4:26, 22 November 2012 (CST)		--[[User:MonsterBandage\|MonsterBandage]] 4:26, 22 November 2012 (CST)

			then dull-moving? dim-witted? anyways it was meant to be "a slow big rabbit"<===--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 22:52, 22 November 2012 (CST)

Monsterbandage: /* Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by... */

2012-11-23T04:48:24Z

Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by...

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:48, 23 November 2012
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	it was meant for sending signals to the brain. and the body acting accordingly to the "Signal's" Sent. if you got any other any ways to put it then go ahead.--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 22:34, 22 November 2012 (CST)		it was meant for sending signals to the brain. and the body acting accordingly to the "Signal's" Sent. if you got any other any ways to put it then go ahead.--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 22:34, 22 November 2012 (CST)

			for the "slow-witted silhouette" thing, i cant really understand what that means and i dont think u can use slow witted in that kind of context.
			--[[User:MonsterBandage\|MonsterBandage]] 4:26, 22 November 2012 (CST)

RikiNutcase at 04:34, 23 November 2012

2012-11-23T04:34:41Z

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	for the part that goes "she sent her brain instructions to the thrusters" can i change it to "mental instructions" instead? Or is it specifically brain instructions which sounds hell of a lot weird. --[[User:MonsterBandage\|MonsterBandage]] 4:26, 22 November 2012 (CST)		for the part that goes "she sent her brain instructions to the thrusters" can i change it to "mental instructions" instead? Or is it specifically brain instructions which sounds hell of a lot weird. --[[User:MonsterBandage\|MonsterBandage]] 4:26, 22 November 2012 (CST)

			it was meant for sending signals to the brain. and the body acting accordingly to the "Signal's" Sent. if you got any other any ways to put it then go ahead.--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 22:34, 22 November 2012 (CST)

Monsterbandage: /* Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by... */

2012-11-23T04:26:35Z

Suggested edits/Could you clarify what you mean by...

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	*The moment it touched the ammunition, they would get covered in ice thus preventing the firepower to ignite before falling to the ground.		*The moment it touched the ammunition, they would get covered in ice thus preventing the firepower to ignite before falling to the ground.
	--[[User:Chancs\|Chancs]] ([[User talk:Chancs\|talk]]) 22:59, 20 November 2012 (CST)		--[[User:Chancs\|Chancs]] ([[User talk:Chancs\|talk]]) 22:59, 20 November 2012 (CST)

			for the part that goes "she sent her brain instructions to the thrusters" can i change it to "mental instructions" instead? Or is it specifically brain instructions which sounds hell of a lot weird. --[[User:MonsterBandage\|MonsterBandage]] 4:26, 22 November 2012 (CST)

Chancs at 04:59, 21 November 2012

2012-11-21T04:59:32Z

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	in the actually sentence that actually use "loss firepower" so at least make it "prevented them from igniting instead of exploding"--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 20:57, 20 November 2012 (CST)		in the actually sentence that actually use "loss firepower" so at least make it "prevented them from igniting instead of exploding"--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 20:57, 20 November 2012 (CST)

			Oh yeah :)). Again. This is what I think about the above:

			*As each of the attacks held power at a lethal level respectively, they were all the finishing strikes. If not for the Astral Dress, these would have resulted in Yoshino being killed over 100 times; it was the incarnation of killing intent and malice.

			*"—Okay, let's keep this up all the way."

			*The shot grazed Yoshino's shoulder tip and her cheek, and continued to pass through her back. (okay, not sure about the later part. Can we use "behind" instead of "through" ?)

			*She continued kicking the floor with her teeth being clenched tightly and her eyelids almost shut while almost coming close to crying. (scrap mine this out, it's odd)

			*(Thumbs up for that "shy" part)

			*The moment it touched the ammunition, they would get covered in ice thus preventing the firepower to ignite before falling to the ground.
			--[[User:Chancs\|Chancs]] ([[User talk:Chancs\|talk]]) 22:59, 20 November 2012 (CST)

RikiNutcase at 02:57, 21 November 2012

2012-11-21T02:57:57Z

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	Will that do?--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 19:38, 20 November 2012 (CST)		Will that do?--[[User:Drowzycow\|Drowzycow]] ([[User talk:Drowzycow\|talk]]) 19:38, 20 November 2012 (CST)

			in the actually sentence that actually use "loss firepower" so at least make it "prevented them from igniting instead of exploding"--[[User:RikiNutcase\|RikiNutcase]] ([[User talk:RikiNutcase\|talk]]) 20:57, 20 November 2012 (CST)