Talk:Maria-sama ga Miteru:Volume5 Chapter4 2 - Revision history

Seki: /* Hi hi */ new section

2009-01-11T19:13:39Z

Hi hi: new section

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:13, 11 January 2009
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	JBV^_^		JBV^_^

			== Hi hi ==

			Yeah I kinda fail at noticing these talk things (it's really hit or miss on whether I actually notice it on the recent changes page) so if you've noticed other things just message or something, I dunno.

			Anyways, the first one was a typo (the, = them) and then forgetting an a (them a). The rest I just used your changes :p

JackBassV: /* Seaching for a light switch. */ new section

2009-01-11T10:22:22Z

Seaching for a light switch.: new section

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:22, 11 January 2009
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	Turncoat means traitor, so should it read ''and sometimes even makes the other person change their mind.''?		Turncoat means traitor, so should it read ''and sometimes even makes the other person change their mind.''?

			JBV^_^

			== Seaching for a light switch. ==

			''Hoisting herself up, Rosa Gigantea patted down her own skirt. It'd already become quite dark, so she could hardly tell what sort of face Rosa Gigantea had. Luckily, one of the lamp-posts littered around the school managed to reach the greenhouse, so she made it out without tripping. There might be a light switch somewhere, but they'd easily be able to get out before they could find that.''

			There are three sentences here. Thanks to the phrase '''so she made it out without tripping''', the third one appears to precede the second sentence.

			For it to make sense, it should be changed to ''There might '''have been''' a light switch somewhere, but '''they were''' easily able to get out before they could find it.''

			Finally, a minor suggestion. The phrase ''she made it out without tripping'' could suggest that she made out the face of rosa Gigantea, without tripping (which then means the last sentence makes sense chronologically.) Changing it to ''she made it outside without tripping'' clarifies the meaning.

	JBV^_^		JBV^_^

JackBassV: What's missing?

2009-01-11T09:49:50Z

What's missing?

New page

== What's missing? ==

Yoshino-chan immediately brings forth an aggressive discussion, to make sure the other person knows her stance, ''and sometimes even to make the, turncoat''.

The italicised part is a stub, in that the first part of the sentence makes perfect sense, but the last part makes no sense whatsoever.

Turncoat means traitor, so should it read ''and sometimes even makes the other person change their mind.''?

JBV^_^