Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Chapter1 - Revision history

Dohma: /* Question from EN to RU translator */

2013-10-03T18:18:58Z

Question from EN to RU translator

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:18, 3 October 2013
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	Thanks in advance and there might be some more questions in the future.--[[User:Glenrok\|Glenrok]] ([[User talk:Glenrok\|talk]]) 03:59, 3 October 2013 (CDT)		Thanks in advance and there might be some more questions in the future.--[[User:Glenrok\|Glenrok]] ([[User talk:Glenrok\|talk]]) 03:59, 3 October 2013 (CDT)

			* It refers to the letters. The actual word used is 'characters' which can mean a letter from the Western, Arabic, Egyptian, Chinese... any script. I used the translation 'letters' to avoid confusion, but I assume the writing system in this fictional world is actually similar to the Japanese/Chinese where a single character is a word, but I have no way to confirm this. Good luck with your translations. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 13:18, 3 October 2013 (CDT)

Glenrok: Question for the translators

2013-10-03T08:59:45Z

Question for the translators

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:59, 3 October 2013
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	* I'm not really sure what you mean. Do you want to change the layout? Please elaborate. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 13:59, 18 June 2013 (CDT)		* I'm not really sure what you mean. Do you want to change the layout? Please elaborate. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 13:59, 18 June 2013 (CDT)


			=Question from EN to RU translator=

			Hello everybody! I'm translating RnM from English to Russian, and have some questions regarding the meaning of some lines in english text. Would you be so kind to specify it for me?

			"Of the guys here, even those that can read and write letters, I doubt they’ve ever read more than a hundred in their life." Is "a handred" regarding to the "Letters" or the "Books".

			Thanks in advance and there might be some more questions in the future.--[[User:Glenrok\|Glenrok]] ([[User talk:Glenrok\|talk]]) 03:59, 3 October 2013 (CDT)

Detalz at 20:44, 24 July 2013

2013-07-24T20:44:22Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:44, 24 July 2013
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	''couldn't this be anything but a present'' --> could this be anything but a present		''couldn't this be anything but a present'' --> could this be anything but a present

			<hr>

			Sorry, didn't notice the inline comments. I think you're good on most of them. You could consider Tarkas Gladiator Troupe as an alternative name. Also, regarding the "nail hitting him on the head," Consider "The nail hitting the head, Orba turned away." or usage of "Hitting home-run," "Hitting base," "Hit bulls-eye" "Right on the mark" as possible alternatives. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|Detalz]]) 15:43 July 24, 2013

	==Sections==		==Sections==

Dohma: replied on comments

2013-07-23T14:25:29Z

replied on comments

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:25, 23 July 2013
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	:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."		:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."
	::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." It might be a subtle difference since ''but'' is often conjugated with ''now'', but it's there. If you want to emphasize the differences in the change instead of just indicating emphasizing that there a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change in this example, at least that's how it feels to me. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)		::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." It might be a subtle difference since ''but'' is often conjugated with ''now'', but it's there. If you want to emphasize the differences in the change instead of just indicating emphasizing that there a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change in this example, at least that's how it feels to me. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
			:::* I agree with your 'but now' placing more emphasis than 'now', so I removed the 'but'. However, in your initial comment you said "Rather than to compare the former/current dragon, it feels more like he is announcing it", and I was actually reacting on that. I simply see いまや as a 'now' in contrast to the past, or what was previously said, not an emphasis. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''		'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''
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	*I took the liberty of translating it and added it to the page. Feel free to change it. "Imagining a time where longsword-wielding barbarians were once king, like in the olden days, where Orba was born in an environment similar to the red-light district and forced to adhere to its way of life, a future leaving much to be desired, where the great difficulties in bringing back the dead served as reality."		*I took the liberty of translating it and added it to the page. Feel free to change it. "Imagining a time where longsword-wielding barbarians were once king, like in the olden days, where Orba was born in an environment similar to the red-light district and forced to adhere to its way of life, a future leaving much to be desired, where the great difficulties in bringing back the dead served as reality."

			:* Thanks for pointing it out. Also: 畷る > 啜る - but I make the same kind of mistakes, they really look alike. I changed it to this:
			::: He longed for the olden days, like the age where longsword-wielding barbarians were once kings. But the truth was, from the moment he was born, it was decided Orba would live his life sipping muddy waters, and if he wanted to do more in the future, it would be be much more difficult than bringing the dead back to life.


	'''"Kain looked uninterested but stood on the tips of his toes."''' Raw: "カインがつまらなさそうに背伸びしたが、..."		'''"Kain looked uninterested but stood on the tips of his toes."''' Raw: "カインがつまらなさそうに背伸びしたが、..."
	*に is used here to connect つまらなさ and 伸びした together. Coupled with そう the sentence should mean "He seemed about to stetch his arms out in boredom."		*に is used here to connect つまらなさ and 伸びした together. Coupled with そう the sentence should mean "He seemed about to stetch his arms out in boredom."
			:* Changed it.

	'''"...the one named Shique, nestled into his back, and Orba wildly shook him off with his hand"''' Raw: オルバは乱暴に手で振り払った。		'''"...the one named Shique, nestled into his back, and Orba wildly shook him off with his hand"''' Raw: オルバは乱暴に手で振り払った。
	*Except in the case of 乱暴にされた, 乱暴 usually denotes actions that are considered rude to the speaker. 'Wildy shook him off' might be an exaggeration. You could consider ''shoving off'', as a rude gesture that can be used to shake others off.		*Except in the case of 乱暴にされた, 乱暴 usually denotes actions that are considered rude to the speaker. 'Wildy shook him off' might be an exaggeration. You could consider ''shoving off'', as a rude gesture that can be used to shake others off.
			:* It ''does'' sound exaggerated, doesn't it. It's not like he's flailing his arms or anything. Still, I can't find any other entries than 乱暴 as 'violent' or something similar in my dictionaries. Also 振り払った already means 'shake off/push off', so the added adjective means Orba isn't very kind in pushing Shique away. I changed it to 'roughly'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''"Although I think it may practically be better for leading types......"''' Raw: "実際、指導者向きかもしれんが、かと思えば、"		'''"Although I think it may practically be better for leading types......"''' Raw: "実際、指導者向きかもしれんが、かと思えば、"
	*"You might be a suitable leader if not for your tendencies to..."		*"You might be a suitable leader if not for your tendencies to..."
			:* I don't see where you get the word 'tendency' from, unless if it's from '向き', which means 'suitable/better suited' in this context. But the sentence ''is'' a bit awkward. Change it to:
			::: "Although I think you're actually better suited as a leader, if not for that quick temper of yours. You like books [...]"

	'''Who is it that you fight? The other sword-slaves, yourself, or do you even have a purpose'''		'''Who is it that you fight? The other sword-slaves, yourself, or do you even have a purpose'''
	*おまえが戦っているのは誰だ? is a shortened version of おまえが戦っているのは誰（のため）だ?、ため being implied.　"Who are you fighting for? The other sword slaves, yourself, or do you have some other type of objective/goal?"		*おまえが戦っているのは誰だ? is a shortened version of おまえが戦っているのは誰（のため）だ?、ため being implied.　"Who are you fighting for? The other sword slaves, yourself, or do you have some other type of objective/goal?"
			:* I initially assumed Gowen accused Orba from fighting someone (being rebellous), and thus Orba's sullen reply. I ''do'' like your version better, though, and it makes more sense. So I changed it. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''His blood was always screaming in the dark.''' Raw: 血はいつも暗くざわめいていた.		'''His blood was always screaming in the dark.''' Raw: 血はいつも暗くざわめいていた.
	*暗いis modified into 暗くto become an adverb. Unfortunately, I can't think of the proper adverb to describe it. Closest I can get to is: His blood stirred in angst.		*暗いis modified into 暗くto become an adverb. Unfortunately, I can't think of the proper adverb to describe it. Closest I can get to is: His blood stirred in angst.
			:* A verb will also modify an adjective this way, as in 暗くなる 'it grows dark', where 'dark' is the adverb. 暗く can be further translated to either 'dark', 'darkly', or 'in darkness'. In this case I wanted to use the meaning of 'dark', or else the author wouldn't have specifically used this. Probably also because it's happening at night, so it's close to a pun. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

	“'''They, too, will think our aspects are hopeless.''' Like the king who’s surrounded by luxuries I wouldn’t have the money for within a lifetime, and eating his stomach full with delicious food every night. He sometimes takes a large army on a campaign, or gets shocked by betrayal, but every day he’s alive. '''I’ll never be able to.''' Neither the king nor the nobles, can even imagine what’s inside our dreams. Those people… '''Yes, take this night for example, they don’t even seem to be looking up at the same moon as I.'''”		“'''They, too, will think our aspects are hopeless.''' Like the king who’s surrounded by luxuries I wouldn’t have the money for within a lifetime, and eating his stomach full with delicious food every night. He sometimes takes a large army on a campaign, or gets shocked by betrayal, but every day he’s alive. '''I’ll never be able to.''' Neither the king nor the nobles, can even imagine what’s inside our dreams. Those people… '''Yes, take this night for example, they don’t even seem to be looking up at the same moon as I.'''”
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	:''Like the king'' --> Even the king		:''Like the king'' --> Even the king
	:''eating'' --> stuffing		:''eating'' --> stuffing
			:* Made the changes based on your comments.

	'''"...burying his head in his arms and holding it with his hand."''' Raw: 両の手で抱えた膝に、頭を埋めながらおるは言った。		'''"...burying his head in his arms and holding it with his hand."''' Raw: 両の手で抱えた膝に、頭を埋めながらおるは言った。
	*burying his head between his arm-wrapped knees		*burying his head between his arm-wrapped knees
			:* Changed it.

	'''"...sold clothes of her native people and towels she made by hand at the City of Apta once every month."''' Raw: 毎月一回アプターの都に売りにいく民族衣装の柄を利用した手拭いをこさえて		'''"...sold clothes of her native people and towels she made by hand at the City of Apta once every month."''' Raw: 毎月一回アプターの都に売りにいく民族衣装の柄を利用した手拭いをこさえて
	*"...sold hand-made native clothing at the city of Apta once every month." 手拭いmeans hand-made. No usage of towel here.		*"...sold hand-made native clothing at the city of Apta once every month." 手拭いmeans hand-made. No usage of towel here.
			:* Well I only get 手拭い as meaning towel.[http://ejje.weblio.jp/content/手拭い] The furigana also say てぬぐい. But my translation isn't all that correct either, it doesn't say 'made by hand' or 'handmade' anywhere, but that she 'made' them. 利用した手拭い actually means '(things) used as towels' but I omitted 利用した because it only made the sentence hard to understand. Changed it to: 'sold native clothing and towels she made'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''"it was probably for his brother"''' Raw: 兄そのものであっただろう		'''"it was probably for his brother"''' Raw: 兄そのものであっただろう
	*"It was probably his brother." (Could you tell me how you got the 'for' in the sentence?)		*"It was probably his brother." (Could you tell me how you got the 'for' in the sentence?)
			:* Sentence: "If there was only one hope his mother worked for within her nearly colourless life, it was probably (for) his brother." It's a grammatical error of mine, I translated it like: "If there's one '''thing''' his mother worked for, it was for his brother." instead of "If there's one '''hope''' his mother worked for, it was his brother." --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''"...and Orba got into trouble secretly trying to mount one."''' Raw: オルバがこっそり跨ろうとしたら馬が大暴れして大変な目に遭ったこと、		'''"...and Orba got into trouble secretly trying to mount one."''' Raw: オルバがこっそり跨ろうとしたら馬が大暴れして大変な目に遭ったこと、
	*"...and Orba got into trouble secretly trying to mount one '''and caused the horse to go berserk.'''"		*"...and Orba got into trouble secretly trying to mount one '''and caused the horse to go berserk.'''"
			:* Added it.

	'''"It was more than enough.That’s right, Orba, he responded to his own inner voice."''' Raw: もう充分だった。'''そうだろう、オルバ''' (Wakiten)。彼は内なる声に自ら応えた。		'''"It was more than enough.That’s right, Orba, he responded to his own inner voice."''' Raw: もう充分だった。'''そうだろう、オルバ''' (Wakiten)。彼は内なる声に自ら応えた。
	*I think these two sentences belong in the same line. "Enough was enough. Isn't that right, Orba?" And due to language differences, 'enough is enough' should be italicized.		*I think these two sentences belong in the same line. "Enough was enough. Isn't that right, Orba?" And due to language differences, 'enough is enough' should be italicized.
			:* I like 'enough is enough', but I don't think he's 'thinking' that part, purely based on そうだろう being accented in the raw, and as I read the text, it is then that I realise they're Orba's thoughts. Also もう充分だった is in the past tense, whereas そうだろう, again, breaks that order The way I see it, 'enough was enough' and that's when Orba spurs himself on into action. That's why I only placed that part in italics, and made it part of his thoughts, while the first part is still narration. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

			I'll do the rest later --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 09:25, 23 July 2013 (CDT)

Detalz: 2nd half of Chapter 1 comments

2013-07-22T04:24:20Z

2nd half of Chapter 1 comments

@@ Line 83: / Line 83: @@
 :* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."
-::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." If you want to emphasize the difference in the change instead of just indicating that a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change, at least that's how it feels to me. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
+::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." It might be a subtle difference since ''but'' is often conjugated with ''now'', but it's there. If you want to emphasize the differences in the change instead of just indicating emphasizing that there a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change in this example, at least that's how it feels to me. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
 '''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''
@@ Line 123: / Line 123: @@
 I changed Shaga Mines to Tsaga Mines as I mistakenly read ツァーガ 'Tsaga' as シャーガ 'Shaga'. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 12:04, 16 July 2013 (CDT)
 *Haha, I made the same mistake when reading over it. Somehow, Shaga just sounded better to me than Tsaga, so I guess I never paid it much attention. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz|talk]]) 18:38, 4 July 2013 (CDT)
 ==Sections==

Detalz at 17:40, 17 July 2013

2013-07-17T17:40:28Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:40, 17 July 2013
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	:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."		:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."
	::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." If you want to emphasize the difference in the change instead of just indicating that a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change, at least that's how it feels to me. ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)		::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." If you want to emphasize the difference in the change instead of just indicating that a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change, at least that's how it feels to me. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''		'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''

Detalz at 17:39, 17 July 2013

2013-07-17T17:39:08Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:39, 17 July 2013
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	:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."		:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."
			::*I think of いまや as an indicator of ''change''. While this change can be used as a point of comparison/contrast, it doesn't necessarily emphasize the difference, so much as it does that there is a change between two time periods. In english equivalents, it'd be something like: "I once thought reading books was pointless. Now I read books every day." If you want to emphasize the difference in the change instead of just indicating that a change has occurred, you'd have to add additional markers, "そしていまや", "...だが、いまや.." or "でもいまや". It's really is a minor change in terms of the sentence changes. But the meaning conveyed ends up really different with this minor change, at least that's how it feels to me. ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 18:38, 17 July 2013 (CDT)

	'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''		'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''
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	*I think the target of the bets are: Orba's face being seen with (Ran's) eyes, and Orba hearing (Ran's) voice with his own ears. Also, どちらが難しいか literally translates to "which might be harder," and in the case of betting, "which would happen first?" I would say its not so much of a difficulty, but whether Ran will see Orba's true face first, or Orba will get to hear Ran's voice first that the sword slaves were betting on.		*I think the target of the bets are: Orba's face being seen with (Ran's) eyes, and Orba hearing (Ran's) voice with his own ears. Also, どちらが難しいか literally translates to "which might be harder," and in the case of betting, "which would happen first?" I would say its not so much of a difficulty, but whether Ran will see Orba's true face first, or Orba will get to hear Ran's voice first that the sword slaves were betting on.
	:* Thanks for this! This sentence really puzzled me; I thought they were betting about what troubled the two of them or something, but didn't know 難しい was related the odds of something happening. Changed it to: "Whether they would see Orba face or hear Ran's voice first soon became the target of bets among the sword slaves short of entertainment."		:* Thanks for this! This sentence really puzzled me; I thought they were betting about what troubled the two of them or something, but didn't know 難しい was related the odds of something happening. Changed it to: "Whether they would see Orba face or hear Ran's voice first soon became the target of bets among the sword slaves short of entertainment."
			::*Np, I've had my fair share of help by using your translations as a reference to helping me decipher some of the sentences I came across as well. If you ever need help with some translations in future content, feel free to ask. I couldn't help taking a little peek. I'm really looking forward to the content in Volume 2.

	'''Then, after being excused for a meal of bread and soup ''' Raw:"それから申し訳程度のパンとスープで食事を済ませー"		'''Then, after being excused for a meal of bread and soup ''' Raw:"それから申し訳程度のパンとスープで食事を済ませー"
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	I changed Shaga Mines to Tsaga Mines as I mistakenly read ツァーガ 'Tsaga' as シャーガ 'Shaga'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 12:04, 16 July 2013 (CDT)		I changed Shaga Mines to Tsaga Mines as I mistakenly read ツァーガ 'Tsaga' as シャーガ 'Shaga'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 12:04, 16 July 2013 (CDT)
			*Haha, I made the same mistake when reading over it. Somehow, Shaga just sounded better to me than Tsaga, so I guess I never paid it much attention. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 18:38, 4 July 2013 (CDT)

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Dohma at 17:04, 16 July 2013

2013-07-16T17:04:14Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:04, 16 July 2013
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	*The sentence is awkward, since Orba has been describing in the past tense, and then you jump to present with "And then there's." He didn't mean there would be another fight in a literal sense, but more of figurative.		*The sentence is awkward, since Orba has been describing in the past tense, and then you jump to present with "And then there's." He didn't mean there would be another fight in a literal sense, but more of figurative.
	:* Changed it. Thanks for checking this! --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 05:55, 16 July 2013 (CDT)		:* Changed it. Thanks for checking this! --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 05:55, 16 July 2013 (CDT)

			<hr>

			I changed Shaga Mines to Tsaga Mines as I mistakenly read ツァーガ 'Tsaga' as シャーガ 'Shaga'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 12:04, 16 July 2013 (CDT)

	==Sections==		==Sections==

Dohma at 10:55, 16 July 2013

2013-07-16T10:55:03Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:55, 16 July 2013
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	'''Once, the great dragons that established our culture roamed on the earth’s surface, but they were just the same as the bloodthirsty beast we look down upon now.''' Raw: かつては地表を埋め尽くし、文化をも築いたであろう偉大なドラゴンたちも、いまや我々の見下ろすこの先では、血に飢えた、ただの獣も同然。		'''Once, the great dragons that established our culture roamed on the earth’s surface, but they were just the same as the bloodthirsty beast we look down upon now.''' Raw: かつては地表を埋め尽くし、文化をも築いたであろう偉大なドラゴンたちも、いまや我々の見下ろすこの先では、血に飢えた、ただの獣も同然。
	*I think your usage of but is a bit wrong in the sentence. Rather than to compare the former/current dragon, it feels more like he is announcing it. "The great dragons had once roamed the earth and established our culture. And the ~~bloodthristy~~ beast we have been looking down upon is this very same dragon!", or something of the sort.		*I think your usage of but is a bit wrong in the sentence. Rather than to compare the former/current dragon, it feels more like he is announcing it. "The great dragons had once roamed the earth and established our culture. And the bloodthirsty beast we have been looking down upon is this very same dragon!", or something of the sort.
	:
			:* You're right that he is sort of announcing the dragon - maybe that doesn't come across right in my original translation. However, he ''does'' make a comparison in this sentence. Also adding や to いま (いまや) makes the latter part ''contrast'' with what was earlier said, as in 'but now'. So, now, the dragons are nothing more than simple, bloodthirsty beasts - like the one standing before them. It's not much of a difference but I changed it to: "The great dragons once roamed the earth and have likely established our culture, but now they are no more than the bloodthirsty, simple beast we look down on now."

	'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''		'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''
	* You're jumping the gun here. 「とある亡国の王女」only refers to "a certain princess from a ruined country" Though they most likely were referring to Vileena, it's best to keep ambiguous things ambiguous.		* You're jumping the gun here. 「とある亡国の王女」only refers to "a certain princess from a ruined country" Though they most likely were referring to Vileena, it's best to keep ambiguous things ambiguous.
			:* You're correct. I probably read 三女 or something... I forgot [[User:EusthEnoptEron\|EEE]] also mentioned this when he proofchecked.

	'''It swung its long tail around, rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon still struggled, not able to shake off the gladiator, as it shook off a second and a third attack tearing through scales that were equal to an iron armour, and flesh and blood got splattered around'''		'''It swung its long tail around, rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon still struggled, not able to shake off the gladiator, as it shook off a second and a third attack tearing through scales that were equal to an iron armour, and flesh and blood got splattered around'''
	*The wording in this sentence is a bit weird, since you tried to keep as many commas in place as possible. The use of 'shook off a second/third attack' is also misleading, when the dragon was actually shaking off Orba as he performed his attacks. Wouldn't it be better to partition it into a few sentences? Here's a sample: It swung its long tail around and rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon was not able to shake off the gladiator. A second strike. And on the third, as the dragon continued its attempt to shake off the gladiator, its scales that were as tough as iron armour were torn through, and pieces of flesh and blood splattered about.		*The wording in this sentence is a bit weird, since you tried to keep as many commas in place as possible. The use of 'shook off a second/third attack' is also misleading, when the dragon was actually shaking off Orba as he performed his attacks. Wouldn't it be better to partition it into a few sentences? Here's a sample: It swung its long tail around and rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon was not able to shake off the gladiator. A second strike. And on the third, as the dragon continued its attempt to shake off the gladiator, its scales that were as tough as iron armour were torn through, and pieces of flesh and blood splattered about.

			:* I split it up in two: "It swung its long tail around and rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon still struggled, not able to shake off the gladiator. It shook off a second strike. But the third tore through its scales, as tough as iron armour, and pieces of flesh and blood got splattered about." I don't think adding 'the dragon continued its attempt to shake off the gladiator' a second time is necessary though.

	'''Orba, staring down the lurking darkness, ''' Raw: "オルバは、低い位置にわだかまる闇をにらみ上げながら、"		'''Orba, staring down the lurking darkness, ''' Raw: "オルバは、低い位置にわだかまる闇をにらみ上げながら、"
	*I'm not exactly sure what significance staring down the darkness holds. Is that there a symbolic meaning in there? He should be staring up ''in'' the lurking darkness.		*I'm not exactly sure what significance staring down the darkness holds. Is that there a symbolic meaning in there? He should be staring up ''in'' the lurking darkness.
			:* I don't know why I used 'down' actually... 'lurking' may be a bit strange here, it could also mean 'coiling' - basically, he's surrounded by darkness. And he's staring up at (or into) it, probably because he's lying down. Changed it to: "Orba, staring up at the darkness surrounding him,"

	'''One of the other slaves ordered to feed the dragons, she was directly touching the dragons’ scales. ''' Raw: "他の奴隷たちに竜の給餌を命じている'''一方で、彼女自身は'''竜たちの鱗に直接手を触れている。"		'''One of the other slaves ordered to feed the dragons, she was directly touching the dragons’ scales. ''' Raw: "他の奴隷たちに竜の給餌を命じている'''一方で、彼女自身は'''竜たちの鱗に直接手を触れている。"
	*Doesn't the highlighted portion single her out? "Of the other slaves.....only she herself was directly touching the dragon's scales. "		*Doesn't the highlighted portion single her out? "Of the other slaves.....only she herself was directly touching the dragon's scales. "
			:* You're correct. Changed it.

	"'''Whether there were difficulties with Ran seeing his true face through her eyes, or listening with her voice,''' soon became the target of bets among the sword slaves short of entertainment." Raw: "口も開かなかった。オルバの素顔をその目で見るか、ランの声を耳にするのとではどちらが難しいか...."		"'''Whether there were difficulties with Ran seeing his true face through her eyes, or listening with her voice,''' soon became the target of bets among the sword slaves short of entertainment." Raw: "口も開かなかった。オルバの素顔をその目で見るか、ランの声を耳にするのとではどちらが難しいか...."
	*I think the target of the bets are: Orba's face being seen with (Ran's) eyes, and Orba hearing (Ran's) voice with his own ears. Also, どちらが難しいか literally translates to "which might be harder," and in the case of betting, "which would happen first?" I would say its not so much of a difficulty, but whether Ran will see Orba's true face first, or Orba will get to hear Ran's voice first that the sword slaves were betting on.		*I think the target of the bets are: Orba's face being seen with (Ran's) eyes, and Orba hearing (Ran's) voice with his own ears. Also, どちらが難しいか literally translates to "which might be harder," and in the case of betting, "which would happen first?" I would say its not so much of a difficulty, but whether Ran will see Orba's true face first, or Orba will get to hear Ran's voice first that the sword slaves were betting on.
			:* Thanks for this! This sentence really puzzled me; I thought they were betting about what troubled the two of them or something, but didn't know 難しい was related the odds of something happening. Changed it to: "Whether they would see Orba face or hear Ran's voice first soon became the target of bets among the sword slaves short of entertainment."

	'''Then, after being excused for a meal of bread and soup ''' Raw:"それから申し訳程度のパンとスープで食事を済ませー"		'''Then, after being excused for a meal of bread and soup ''' Raw:"それから申し訳程度のパンとスープで食事を済ませー"
	*申し訳程度 here is not used to mean excuse himself, but used to express a '''bare minimal''' quantity. "And then he finished a meal with bare minimal bread and soup.."		*申し訳程度 here is not used to mean excuse himself, but used to express a '''bare minimal''' quantity. "And then he finished a meal with bare minimal bread and soup.."
			:* You're correct, I checked the dictionary. 申し訳程度 literally means 'sorry amount'. Changed it to 'sorry amount of bread and soup'.

	''The next match was a cavalry battle.''		''The next match was a cavalry battle.''
	*Cavalry usually denotes a unit of men on horseback. For the duel, you might want to consider jousting. Or if you don't like that, just say the next match was on horseback		*Cavalry usually denotes a unit of men on horseback. For the duel, you might want to consider jousting. Or if you don't like that, just say the next match was on horseback
			:* Changed it to 'mounted battle'.

	''And then there’s another fight'' ---> And then there would be another fight.		''And then there’s another fight'' ---> And then there would be another fight.
	*The sentence is awkward, since Orba has been describing in the past tense, and then you jump to present with "And then there's." He didn't mean there would be another fight in a literal sense, but more of figurative.		*The sentence is awkward, since Orba has been describing in the past tense, and then you jump to present with "And then there's." He didn't mean there would be another fight in a literal sense, but more of figurative.
			:* Changed it. Thanks for checking this! --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 05:55, 16 July 2013 (CDT)

	==Sections==		==Sections==

Detalz at 08:31, 4 July 2013

2013-07-04T08:31:10Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:31, 4 July 2013
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	::* I see what you mean. It would be correct to refer to the crossing with "great speed". I just checked the raw, and the "clash" or "crossing" was indeed what was referred here. I'll change it to "at a great speed", in order to fix the lack of an article in the original. -[[User:Kiydon\|Kiydon]]		::* I see what you mean. It would be correct to refer to the crossing with "great speed". I just checked the raw, and the "clash" or "crossing" was indeed what was referred here. I'll change it to "at a great speed", in order to fix the lack of an article in the original. -[[User:Kiydon\|Kiydon]]




			These are possible errors I noticed in the translation, and covers the first half of the entire chapter(Part 1 and half of Part 2). If you would rather me post everything in one go, just leave a message either here or in my chat and I'll do so for Chapter 2 onwards. And I was thinking, after the onset of Chapter 5, main character comments/descriptions should be added. I think we have just about enough information to describe everyone, except possibly Vileena. I'll probably post them on the forum, and hope you would have a look at it (a week or two from now). Hope you don't mind all the sample sentences. I really suck at describing grammatical errors and such. And without further ado, here are the edits(the ones in italics are trivial): --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 09:30, 4 July 2013 (CDT)

			'''Once, the great dragons that established our culture roamed on the earth’s surface, but they were just the same as the bloodthirsty beast we look down upon now.''' Raw: かつては地表を埋め尽くし、文化をも築いたであろう偉大なドラゴンたちも、いまや我々の見下ろすこの先では、血に飢えた、ただの獣も同然。
			*I think your usage of but is a bit wrong in the sentence. Rather than to compare the former/current dragon, it feels more like he is announcing it. "The great dragons had once roamed the earth and established our culture. And the bloodthristy beast we have been looking down upon is this very same dragon!", or something of the sort.
			:
			'''"...as the orator stated, ‘a certain ''third daughter'' from a ruined country’"'''
			* You're jumping the gun here. 「とある亡国の王女」only refers to "a certain princess from a ruined country" Though they most likely were referring to Vileena, it's best to keep ambiguous things ambiguous.

			'''It swung its long tail around, rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon still struggled, not able to shake off the gladiator, as it shook off a second and a third attack tearing through scales that were equal to an iron armour, and flesh and blood got splattered around'''
			*The wording in this sentence is a bit weird, since you tried to keep as many commas in place as possible. The use of 'shook off a second/third attack' is also misleading, when the dragon was actually shaking off Orba as he performed his attacks. Wouldn't it be better to partition it into a few sentences? Here's a sample: It swung its long tail around and rocked the ground by stamping its feet, but the dragon was not able to shake off the gladiator. A second strike. And on the third, as the dragon continued its attempt to shake off the gladiator, its scales that were as tough as iron armour were torn through, and pieces of flesh and blood splattered about.

			'''Orba, staring down the lurking darkness, ''' Raw: "オルバは、低い位置にわだかまる闇をにらみ上げながら、"
			*I'm not exactly sure what significance staring down the darkness holds. Is that there a symbolic meaning in there? He should be staring up ''in'' the lurking darkness.

			'''One of the other slaves ordered to feed the dragons, she was directly touching the dragons’ scales. ''' Raw: "他の奴隷たちに竜の給餌を命じている'''一方で、彼女自身は'''竜たちの鱗に直接手を触れている。"
			*Doesn't the highlighted portion single her out? "Of the other slaves.....only she herself was directly touching the dragon's scales. "

			"'''Whether there were difficulties with Ran seeing his true face through her eyes, or listening with her voice,''' soon became the target of bets among the sword slaves short of entertainment." Raw: "口も開かなかった。オルバの素顔をその目で見るか、ランの声を耳にするのとではどちらが難しいか...."
			*I think the target of the bets are: Orba's face being seen with (Ran's) eyes, and Orba hearing (Ran's) voice with his own ears. Also, どちらが難しいか literally translates to "which might be harder," and in the case of betting, "which would happen first?" I would say its not so much of a difficulty, but whether Ran will see Orba's true face first, or Orba will get to hear Ran's voice first that the sword slaves were betting on.

			'''Then, after being excused for a meal of bread and soup ''' Raw:"それから申し訳程度のパンとスープで食事を済ませー"
			*申し訳程度 here is not used to mean excuse himself, but used to express a '''bare minimal''' quantity. "And then he finished a meal with bare minimal bread and soup.."

			''The next match was a cavalry battle.''
			*Cavalry usually denotes a unit of men on horseback. For the duel, you might want to consider jousting. Or if you don't like that, just say the next match was on horseback

			''And then there’s another fight'' ---> And then there would be another fight.
			*The sentence is awkward, since Orba has been describing in the past tense, and then you jump to present with "And then there's." He didn't mean there would be another fight in a literal sense, but more of figurative.

	==Sections==		==Sections==