User talk:Irbored - Revision history

Evil Twin2146: /* Tsurugi no Joou to Rakuin no Ko */ new section

2014-12-16T09:14:08Z

Tsurugi no Joou to Rakuin no Ko: new section

← Older revision		Revision as of 09:14, 16 December 2014
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	'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />		'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />

			== Tsurugi no Joou to Rakuin no Ko ==

			Please... I beg of you, I started reading it last week and now I'm up to V2-C6. Mr. Irbored, Lord, King, High King, God Irbored I need it.

Xersax at 20:04, 7 February 2014

2014-02-07T20:04:29Z

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Xersax at 08:11, 27 January 2014

2014-01-27T08:11:41Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:11, 27 January 2014
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	12)Just ignore ~~this~~ what was here		12)Just ignore what was here

Xersax at 08:08, 27 January 2014

2014-01-27T08:08:31Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:08, 27 January 2014
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	12)~~''(...Still breathing. ）''~~		12)Just ignore this what was here

	~~''She moved her face close to Giulio's nose, barely feeling the flow of his breath, then she gushed a breath of relief, almost totally flat.''~~

	~~This might be totally presumptuous of me, but I think it flow nicer if the "still breathing" part~~ was ~~moved to after the "She moved ..." part. Suspense wise and all...~~

Xersax at 14:41, 14 January 2014

2014-01-14T14:41:52Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:41, 14 January 2014
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	Now for more checks. Mostly TLC-ish		Now for more checks. Mostly TLC-ish. (Listed in numerical order of appearance. The decimals are those I added while doing the grammar and spelling check.)

	1)'''''Imperial Capital central authorities, to go into the audience hall at the end, there are huge stone pillars dividing the wall into left and right blocks,''' legend is the Holy Capital appeared here before the state and the Imperial Capital was erected on it's stone pillars.''		1)'''''Imperial Capital central authorities, to go into the audience hall at the end, there are huge stone pillars dividing the wall into left and right blocks,''' legend is the Holy Capital appeared here before the state and the Imperial Capital was erected on it's stone pillars.''
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	4)''These words made Lady Luonisica whole body '''unbending'''.''		4)''These words made Lady Luonisica whole body '''unbending'''. Galerius '''was able to raise his eyebrows.''' Nearby Lucius was also '''fascinated''' and lifted his chin.''

	Unbending -> go rigid?		Unbending -> went rigid?

			"was able to raise his eyebrows"... This would imply that he couldn't do so before...

			Fascinated -> Intrigued?


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	''their'' loud talking could be heard?		''their'' loud talking could be heard?


			6.75)''there is(are) no enemy soldiers in this war, there is(are) no enemy generals, '''not the enemy''', nor the enemy flag, it is a retreat of the '''forever war'''.''

			"not the enemy" : there is no enemy?

			Forever war : Forever war?


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	Erm... Can understand what it means: Heart beating faster/stronger. But I think can be phrased better, because "entire body pumping" doesn't really makes sense.		Erm... Can understand what it means: Heart beating faster/stronger. But I think can be phrased better, because "entire body pumping" doesn't really makes sense.


			12.75)''Silvia her hands close to her chest, '''trying not to panic Giulio aware of her own heartbeat'''.''

			Not sure if it is: "trying not to panic Giulio, was aware of her own heartbeat" or "trying not to panic, whether Guilio was aware of her heartbeat"


			12.875)''Silvia hastily '''raised her raised voice''', the sound resounding throughout the room, scared she quickly covered her mouth.''

			If possible, any other way to avoid using 2 "raised". If not: "raised her already raised voice"?


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	After the footsteps faded into the distance and when all sounds seemed to have faded into the night, Silvia - alone in her bedchambers - leaned against the cold door, counting the beatings in her chest.		After the footsteps faded into the distance and when all sounds seemed to have faded into the night, Silvia - alone in her bedchambers - leaned against the cold door, counting the beatings in her chest.


			All the best, and take your time. :D

	[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)		[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)

Xersax at 14:09, 14 January 2014

2014-01-14T14:09:12Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:09, 14 January 2014
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	This might be totally presumptuous of me, but I think it flow nicer if the "still breathing" part was moved to after the "She moved ..." part. Suspense wise and all...		This might be totally presumptuous of me, but I think it flow nicer if the "still breathing" part was moved to after the "She moved ..." part. Suspense wise and all...


			12.5)''Giulio whispered, '''Silvia felt her entire body pumping''', reflexively wanting to get up and leave the bed.''

			Erm... Can understand what it means: Heart beating faster/stronger. But I think can be phrased better, because "entire body pumping" doesn't really makes sense.

Xersax at 13:56, 14 January 2014

2014-01-14T13:56:23Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:56, 14 January 2014
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	among -> through ; across -> between		among -> through ; across -> between


			6.5)''Lady Luonisica looked up and look askance at the overhead ceiling where '''loud talk could heard'''.''

			''their'' loud talking could be heard?


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	[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)		[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)


	'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />		'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />

Xersax at 12:27, 14 January 2014

2014-01-14T12:27:56Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:27, 14 January 2014
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	Alright. Noted.		Alright. Noted.

			If I've annoyed or angered you in anyway. I apologize. Here's to a better TL-Editor partnership. Yeap. Cheers.


	Now for more checks. Mostly TLC-ish		Now for more checks. Mostly TLC-ish
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	After the footsteps faded into the distance and when all sounds seemed to have faded into the night, Silvia - alone in her bedchambers - leaned against the cold door, counting the beatings in her chest.		After the footsteps faded into the distance and when all sounds seemed to have faded into the night, Silvia - alone in her bedchambers - leaned against the cold door, counting the beatings in her chest.


	~~If I've annoyed or angered you in anyway. I apologize. Here's to a better TL-Editor partnership. Yeah. Cheers.~~

	[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)		[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)
	'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />		'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />

Xersax: It's a huge chunk... Sorry...

2014-01-14T12:26:20Z

It's a huge chunk... Sorry...

Show changes

Irbored at 07:52, 14 January 2014

2014-01-14T07:52:50Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:52, 14 January 2014
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	[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 11:22, 7 January 2014 (CST)		[[User:Xersax\|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax\|talk]]) 11:22, 7 January 2014 (CST)

			(Placing thoughts in "( )" like previous chapters and the 'voices' in "< >". Just undo if it looks weird.)

			I use <> on key parts that have SPECIAL meaning. like 『战场上洒盐的死神』 - <Salt Spraying Soul Reaper on the Battlefield>. Seriously I told you before you should have left those as is.

			DONT DO THAT.
			[[User:Irbored\|Irbored]] ([[User talk:Irbored#top\|talk]]) 01:52, 14 January 2014 (CST)

	'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />		'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />