Zero no Tsukaima:Volume15 Chapter1 - Revision history

Veritatis cupitor at 19:06, 8 April 2019

2019-04-08T19:06:48Z

Rizo536 at 00:44, 1 February 2013

2013-02-01T00:44:08Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:44, 1 February 2013
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	It's also why Saito was attracted to her.		It's also why Saito was attracted to her.

	Louise, compared to before, had changed a lot. Towards the Henrietta ~~should~~ used to blindly trust and Romalia Pilgrims, she would speak out loud as soon as she feels that something is not right.		Louise, compared to before, had changed a lot. Towards the Henrietta that she used to blindly trust and Romalia Pilgrims, she would speak out loud as soon as she feels that something is not right.

	On the other hand..... she underlying parts have not changed at all. The gentleness and care when taking care of Saito in a coma for 3 days and night after being beaten by Guiche, her fearlessness against facing threatening Golomontas, these areas of her have not changed at all.		On the other hand..... she underlying parts have not changed at all. The gentleness and care when taking care of Saito in a coma for 3 days and night after being beaten by Guiche, her fearlessness against facing threatening Golomontas, these areas of her have not changed at all.

	Moreover, the attractive face of hers capable of making one heart restart again...... Louise bit her lips lightly, her long long eyelashes occasionally shaking up and down.... This living miracle assembled from these components' perfect reflection, has modeled Louise into an incomparable beauty.		Moreover, the attractive face of hers capable of making one's heart restart again...... Louise bit her lips lightly, her long long eyelashes occasionally shaking up and down.... This living miracle assembled from these components' perfect reflection, has modeled Louise into an incomparable beauty.

	Saito's mind was in a very peaceful state.		Saito's mind was in a very peaceful state.
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	Of course, that one was to make Louise feel jealous, did not contain any other meaning. Saito is a knight she should help. Never did she every imagined of having these feelings upon Saito, and never will either.		Of course, that one was to make Louise feel jealous, did not contain any other meaning. Saito is a knight she should help. Never did she every imagined of having these feelings upon Saito, and never will either.

	But...., since that moment, Tabitha started dreaming about Saito. These dreams, little by little gave Tabitha a change in emotions.		But.... since that moment, Tabitha started dreaming about Saito. These dreams, little by little gave Tabitha a change in emotions.

	Every time she meets Saito, her heart ~~will feel~~ like being bounded tightly.....		Every time she meets Saito, her heart felt like it was being bounded tightly.....

	Tabitha calmly denied that feeling in her heart. The knight she is determined to serve ~~will~~ easily simulate love like emotions. Her own situation is none other that this.		Tabitha calmly denied that feeling in her heart. The knight she was determined to serve would easily simulate love like emotions. Her own situation is none other that this.

	Tabitha only ~~know~~ these knowledge on the surface.		Tabitha only knew these knowledge on the surface.

	But similar to this time, there was another incident happened once that made her almost deny these things as well.		But similar to this time, there was another incident happened once that made her almost deny these things as well.

Rizo536 at 23:57, 31 January 2013

2013-01-31T23:57:21Z

Rizo536: /* Chapter 1: Carcassonne */

2013-01-31T04:51:25Z

Chapter 1: Carcassonne

Rizo536: Changed tense in many sentences - Grammar Correction - Tried to edit some parts to make sense

2013-01-31T04:33:39Z

Changed tense in many sentences - Grammar Correction - Tried to edit some parts to make sense

Show changes

65.190.65.3 at 07:58, 8 August 2012

2012-08-08T07:58:27Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:58, 8 August 2012
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	Tabitha asked for more while her chest was shaking with expectations.		Tabitha asked for more while her chest was shaking with expectations.

	"Unn. I mentioned it to you before, is about the Ondine Water Spirit Knights. We finally came to Gallia. Your hated foe is right inside this Gallia kingdom. We want to avenge for you, therefore wouldn't it be more convenient if we ~~word~~ the same coat of arms?"		"Unn. I mentioned it to you before, is about the Ondine Water Spirit Knights. We finally came to Gallia. Your hated foe is right inside this Gallia kingdom. We want to avenge for you, therefore wouldn't it be more convenient if we wore the same coat of arms?"

	So this was the "thing". Tabitha felt a hint of disappointment.		So this was the "thing". Tabitha felt a hint of disappointment.

Wolfpup: Reverted edits by 142.204.247.152 (talk) to last revision by Wildk

2012-06-23T00:03:04Z

Reverted edits by 142.204.247.152 (talk) to last revision by Wildk

142.204.247.152: just my personal comments and opinions

2012-06-22T19:07:37Z

just my personal comments and opinions

Wildk: /* Chapter 1: Carcassonne */

2012-04-27T00:24:48Z

Chapter 1: Carcassonne

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:24, 27 April 2012
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	The day Pope Vittorio announced the commence of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place.		The day Pope Vittorio announced the commence of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place.

	As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain ~~'''Halaweiluin (克拉威魯卿)'''~~ himself awoke from his nightmare.		As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.

	The King may have promised him the "land of Romalia", but this does not justify his actions either. Therefore, in this case where a "Crusade" was even started, Halaweiluin completely lost his will to fight. Gallia may be powerful, but making the God these people believe in as a symbol for enemy would result in a complete failure.		The King may have promised him the "land of Romalia", but this does not justify his actions either. Therefore, in this case where a "Crusade" was even started, Halaweiluin completely lost his will to fight. Gallia may be powerful, but making the God these people believe in as a symbol for enemy would result in a complete failure.

	Concluding to make this decision, Halaweiluin reacted to it rapidly. After shaking off Romalia fleet's chase, he flew fast to ~~'''Son.Malon (桑.馬隆)'''~~. There, he honestly spoke of Gallia's conspiracy, then asked the entire crew if they are willing to surrender to Romalia.		Concluding to make this decision, Halaweiluin reacted to it rapidly. After shaking off Romalia fleet's chase, he flew fast to San Marin. There, he honestly spoke of Gallia's conspiracy, then asked the entire crew if they are willing to surrender to Romalia.

	Although Halaweiluin may not be a natural-born commander, the time he spent as a soldier was well-fit for his job. Crew members supporting his actions were surprisingly high, due to the fact that many of the soldiers already had their opinions to the ill-prepared operation. In the end, almost all of them agreed to rebel.		Although Halaweiluin may not be a natural-born commander, the time he spent as a soldier was well-fit for his job. Crew members supporting his actions were surprisingly high, due to the fact that many of the soldiers already had their opinions to the ill-prepared operation. In the end, almost all of them agreed to rebel.
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	These two incidents, to the distrusting and unhappy congressmen, is the perfect timing for them to overthrow the Government,		These two incidents, to the distrusting and unhappy congressmen, is the perfect timing for them to overthrow the Government,

	Like a chain of dominos, the Marquess of the land directly connecting Gallia and Tiger's highway '''Funsaludar (馮薩魯達亞)''' was the first to cooperate with the ~~Son.Malon~~ areas.		Like a chain of dominos, the Marquess of the land directly connecting Gallia and Tiger's highway '''Funsaludar (馮薩魯達亞)''' was the first to cooperate with the San Marin areas.

	Marquess Funsaludar have held a deep grudge against the government for reclaiming his land the year before the last.		Marquess Funsaludar have held a deep grudge against the government for reclaiming his land the year before the last.

Vaelis at 10:24, 19 April 2012

2012-04-19T10:24:03Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:24, 19 April 2012
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	==Carcassonne==		===Chapter 1: Carcassonne===

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:57, 31 January 2013
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	Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.		Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.

	Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles, which were ~~like a~~ snake's scales. Because of this, ~~this~~ city also has an alias named ~~maroon~~. Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.		Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles, which were the snake's scales. Because of this, the city also has an alias named Maroon. Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.

	This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching ~~it's~~ streets numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.		This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching its streets numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.

	"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!"		"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!"
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	Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.		Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.

	During this period, Louise had been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of.... the ~~contents~~ of the memories about Saito flowing into Louise's heart.		During this period, Louise had been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of.... the content of the memories about Saito flowing into Louise's heart.

	Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...		Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...
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	The Ondine Water Spirit Knights, Tabitha and Kirche extended their heads from the balcony of the tavern to watch the last part.		The Ondine Water Spirit Knights, Tabitha and Kirche extended their heads from the balcony of the tavern to watch the last part.

	"Really.... this is almost becoming their daily routine"		"Really.... this is almost becoming their daily routine."

	Guiche chuckled while gulping down wine.		Guiche chuckled while gulping down wine.
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	One member of the forum shook uncontrollably with anger.		One member of the forum shook uncontrollably with anger.

	That boy is none other than Malicorne. Using one hand stabbing and twisting his food cruelly, he said		That boy was none other than Malicorne. Using one hand stabbing and twisting his food cruelly, he said

	"Is there a problem with your eyes?"		"Is there a problem with your eyes?"
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	Malicorne's fist hit Guiche's cheek.		Malicorne's fist hit Guiche's cheek.

	"Putting up this kind of show brazenly, they really fear nothing, do they?"		"Putting on this kind of show so brazenly, they really fear nothing, do they?"

	Saito and Louise ignored them and went back into their own world again shamelessly. Only they would think that fighting is a part of flirting.		Saito and Louise ignored them and went back into their own world again shamelessly. Only they would think that fighting is a part of flirting.
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	"How should I explain it, that...."		"How should I explain it, that...."

	Saito shook his head. The tension at the scene was like an matured apple about to be fall on the ground but bounded so ~~tight~~ by iron wire that it almost ~~cuts~~ into ~~its~~ flesh. Must correct Louise's misconception, even though it's not a misconception at all. However, that would be too much for an illogical Louise to handle.		Saito shook his head. The tension at the scene was like a matured apple about to be fall on the ground, but bounded so tightly by iron wire that it was almost cut into the flesh. Must correct Louise's misconception, even though it's not a misconception at all. However, that would be too much for an illogical Louise to handle.

	The girl you like falling in love with yourself, and also in an environment that spells "do whatever you want" out loud..... yet Saito just had to screw things up at the crucial stage.		The girl you like falling in love with yourself, and also in an environment that spells "do whatever you want" out loud..... yet Saito just had to screw things up at the crucial stage.
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	"It's me, Malicorne......."		"It's me, Malicorne......."

	The couple trembled with fear as they observed the slightly chubby teen telling them his name. The reason he ~~looks~~ so huge is that the fury emitting from his body is too shocking to get a clear ~~sight~~.		The couple trembled with fear as they observed the slightly chubby teen telling them his name. The reason he looked so huge was that the fury emitting from his body was too shocking to get a clear view.

	"......Ma-Malicorne"		"......Ma-Malicorne!"

	"That's right. My name is Malicorne. I will be representing the citizens of Carcassonne to punish the flagrant 'heretics' with the hammer of God!"		"That's right. My name is Malicorne. I will be representing the citizens of Carcassonne to punish the flagrant 'heretics' with the hammer of God!"

	Malicorne said laughing darkly.		Malicorne said, laughing darkly.

	Saito and Louise crawled backwards in fear, attempting to flee. The rage leaking at such a massive scale from a dot ranked mage was enough to scare the legendary void user.		Saito and Louise crawled backwards in fear, attempting to flee. The rage leaking at such a massive scale from a dot ranked mage was enough to scare the legendary void user.

	Thunderclaps sounded in the air. His fury had triggered lightning. Although lightning magic is mainly composed of wind elements, it almost belongs to top level spells, which a dot ranked Malicorne ~~isn~~'t supposed to be able to use. Yet still, around his surroundings, lightning sparks fired all around.		Thunderclaps sounded in the air. His fury had triggered lightning. Although lightning magic is mainly composed of wind elements, it almost belongs to top level spells, which a dot ranked Malicorne wasn't supposed to be able to use. Yet still, around his surroundings, lightning sparks fired all around.

	The spell's power had magnified because of his jealousy.		The spell's power had magnified because of his jealousy.
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	"Speaking of which, at the start I was thinking 'how would this turn out', but I never could have imagined that we're already here now."		"Speaking of which, at the start I was thinking 'how would this turn out', but I never could have imagined that we're already here now."

	The day Pope Vittorio announced the ~~commence~~ of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian ~~army~~ was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place.		The day Pope Vittorio announced the commencement of the "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. The Romalian Army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place.

	As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.		As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.
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	Officially becoming a real "rebellion", the news of the dual-usage fleets rising up against its home country spread across Gallia in no time.		Officially becoming a real "rebellion", the news of the dual-usage fleets rising up against its home country spread across Gallia in no time.

	The unsatisfied subjects of Joseph ,holding back their desires', their official response ~~to the rebel was, leaving the capital~~.		The unsatisfied subjects of Joseph, who were already holding back their desires, left the capital as their official response.

	The Crusade and the rebellion of the dual-usage fleets.		The Crusade and the rebellion of the dual-usage fleets.

	These two incidents, to the ~~distrusting~~ and unhappy congressmen, ~~was~~ the perfect timing for them to overthrow the Government,		These two incidents, to the distrustful and unhappy congressmen, were the perfect timing for them to overthrow the Government,

	Like a chain of dominos, the Marquess of the land directly connecting Gallia and Tiger's Highway '''Funsaludar (馮薩魯達亞)''' ~~was~~ the first to cooperate with the San Marin areas.		Like a chain of dominos, the Marquess of the land directly connecting Gallia and Tiger's Highway '''Funsaludar (馮薩魯達亞)''' were the first to cooperate with the San Marin areas.

	Marquess Funsaludar have held a deep grudge against the government for reclaiming his land the year before the last.		Marquess Funsaludar have held a deep grudge against the government for reclaiming his land the year before the last.

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:51, 31 January 2013
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	Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.		Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.

	Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles ~~will be the~~ snake's scales. Because of this, this city also has an alias named maroon. Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.		Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles, which were like a snake's scales. Because of this, this city also has an alias named maroon. Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.

	This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching it's streets ~~for~~ numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.		This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching it's streets numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.

	"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!"		"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!"
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	Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.		Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.

	During this period, Louise ~~have~~ been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of.... the contents ~~from~~ the memories of Saito flowing into Louise's heart.		During this period, Louise had been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of.... the contents of the memories about Saito flowing into Louise's heart.

	Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...		Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...
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	Malicorne spun around, about to puke. He quickly regained himself and jumped up, crying out with a fierce face.		Malicorne spun around, about to puke. He quickly regained himself and jumped up, crying out with a fierce face.

	"Using an ironic expression to put this makes this ~~sounds~~ laaaaaammmmmeeeeeeee!"		"Using an ironic expression to put this makes this sound laaaaaammmmmeeeeeeee!"

	Malicorne suddenly saying things so willfully gave his counterparts sitting next to him a scare.		Malicorne suddenly saying things so willfully gave his counterparts sitting next to him a scare.
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	The spell's power had magnified because of his jealousy.		The spell's power had magnified because of his jealousy.

	After Malicorne ~~has~~ finished chanting, a cloud condensed above their heads.		After Malicorne had finished chanting, a cloud condensed above their heads.

	"St-stop! Malicorne!"		"St-stop! Malicorne!"

	A ~~streak of~~ lightning bolt hit Louise and Saito right on. The two held each other, drenched in the enormous amounts of current, and fainted.		A lightning bolt hit Louise and Saito right on. The two held each other, drenched in the enormous amounts of current, and fainted.

	Even so, Malicorne's madness has still not been dispersed and kept stomping on the couple's bodies.		Even so, Malicorne's madness has still not been dispersed and kept stomping on the couple's bodies.

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:03, 23 June 2012
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	===Chapter 1: Carcassonne===		===Chapter 1: Carcassonne===

	~~<!-- comments by: midgardz-->~~
	Residing on the Southern parts of Gallia, Carcassonne is a medium sized city around 400 miles west of the capital Lutèce. <!-- The sentecnce from Carcassonne to Lutèce is too long please use punctuation to seperate this -->

	On the surface, that is. ~~<!-- Incomplete sentence-->~~		Residing on the Southern parts of Gallia, Carcassonne is a medium sized city around 400 miles west of the capital Lutèce.

			On the surface, that is.

	Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.		Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.

	Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles will be the snake's scales.~~<!-- use simile or methaphor when comparing 2 identical things - it common in English light novels -->~~ Because of this, this city also has an alias named maroon ~~<!-- revise pronoun, its hard to understand -->~~ . Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.		Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles will be the snake's scales. Because of this, this city also has an alias named maroon. Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.

	This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching it's streets for numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.		This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching it's streets for numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.

	"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!" ~~<!-- need revision. its not too clear -->~~		"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!"

	Saito panted heavily, running for his life on the stone paved roads. The pedestrians looked at this pair of fascinating master and familiar accompanied by Romalian army with astonished expressions.		Saito panted heavily, running for his life on the stone paved roads. The pedestrians looked at this pair of fascinating master and familiar accompanied by Romalian army with astonished expressions.
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	Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.		Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.

	During this period, Louise have been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of....~~<!-- please be specific and dont use ellipses on this. its hard to follow-->~~ the contents from Saito's memories flowing into Louise's heart.		During this period, Louise have been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of.... the contents from Saito's memories flowing into Louise's heart.

	Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...		Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...
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	Saito pulled Louise close, mumbled for a while in her ear, then Louise bowed her head embarrassingly and said something.		Saito pulled Louise close, mumbled for a while in her ear, then Louise bowed her head embarrassingly and said something.

	"......Idiot. ~~<!-- add a noun/pronoun? ex. she -->~~ Must be saying 'you naughty boy' or whatever......"		"......Idiot. Must be saying 'you naughty boy' or whatever......"

	Malicorne lip-read Louise's script with a tone almost sighing. Such highly skilled techniques.		Malicorne lip-read Louise's script with a tone almost sighing. Such highly skilled techniques.
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	"How should I explain it, that...."		"How should I explain it, that...."

	Saito shook his head. The tension at the scene was like an matured apple about to be fall on the ground but bounded so tight by iron wire that it almost cuts into its flesh. Must correct Louise's misconception~~<!-- please complete the sentence -->~~, even though it's not a misconception at all. However, that would be too much for an illogical Louise to handle.		Saito shook his head. The tension at the scene was like an matured apple about to be fall on the ground but bounded so tight by iron wire that it almost cuts into its flesh. Must correct Louise's misconception, even though it's not a misconception at all. However, that would be too much for an illogical Louise to handle.

	The girl you like falling in love with yourself ~~<!-- rephrase its hard to understand -->~~, and also in an environment that spells "do whatever you want" out loud..... yet Saito just had to screw things up at the crucial stage.		The girl you like falling in love with yourself, and also in an environment that spells "do whatever you want" out loud..... yet Saito just had to screw things up at the crucial stage.

	If he doesn't come up with something quick....... after some frantic processing in his brain, Saito, being stuck in a stalemate, came up with a shocking excuse.		If he doesn't come up with something quick....... after some frantic processing in his brain, Saito, being stuck in a stalemate, came up with a shocking excuse.
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	"Speaking of which, at the start I was thinking 'how would this turn out', but I never could have imagined that we're already here now."		"Speaking of which, at the start I was thinking 'how would this turn out', but I never could have imagined that we're already here now."

	The day Pope Vittorio announced the commence of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place. ~~<!-- this whole sentence is rather long and hard to understand ill resume later -->~~		The day Pope Vittorio announced the commence of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place.

	As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.		As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:07, 22 June 2012
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	===Chapter 1: Carcassonne===		===Chapter 1: Carcassonne===

			<!-- comments by: midgardz-->
			Residing on the Southern parts of Gallia, Carcassonne is a medium sized city around 400 miles west of the capital Lutèce. <!-- The sentecnce from Carcassonne to Lutèce is too long please use punctuation to seperate this -->

	~~Residing on the Southern parts of Gallia, Carcassonne is a medium sized city around 400 miles west of the capital Lutèce.~~		On the surface, that is. <!-- Incomplete sentence-->

	On the surface, that is.

	Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.		Spanning 50 metres wide, 2 miles long, this narrow but long city was built hanging on a cliff like a bridge. If someone views it from the sky, it would almost look like a giant winding snake.

	Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles will be the snake's scales. Because of this, this city also has an alias named maroon. Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.		Roofs made from layers and layers of red tiles will be the snake's scales.<!-- use simile or methaphor when comparing 2 identical things - it common in English light novels --> Because of this, this city also has an alias named maroon <!-- revise pronoun, its hard to understand --> . Containing a population of around 2000 citizens, this city has a long history.

	This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching it's streets for numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.		This city has successfully prevented '''Aren people(亞人)'''<!-- 亜人 in Japanse - "Demihumans", as far as I remember, something like barbarians' hordes, probably --> from touching it's streets for numerous times. In its streets today, a familiar and its master were frantically running.

	"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!"		"Stop! In the name of the Queen's official Louise Françoise I order you!" <!-- need revision. its not too clear -->

	Saito panted heavily, running for his life on the stone paved roads. The pedestrians looked at this pair of fascinating master and familiar accompanied by Romalian army with astonished expressions.		Saito panted heavily, running for his life on the stone paved roads. The pedestrians looked at this pair of fascinating master and familiar accompanied by Romalian army with astonished expressions.
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	Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.		Yes. It has already been two whole weeks after the Myozunitonirun led Golomonta army have been crushed.

	During this period, Louise have been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of.... the contents from Saito's memories flowing into Louise's heart.		During this period, Louise have been blaming Saito non-stop. That is because of....<!-- please be specific and dont use ellipses on this. its hard to follow--> the contents from Saito's memories flowing into Louise's heart.

	Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...		Unable to stand Saito's departure, Louise pleaded Tiffania to erase all her memories about Saito...
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	Saito pulled Louise close, mumbled for a while in her ear, then Louise bowed her head embarrassingly and said something.		Saito pulled Louise close, mumbled for a while in her ear, then Louise bowed her head embarrassingly and said something.

	"......Idiot. Must be saying 'you naughty boy' or whatever......"		"......Idiot. <!-- add a noun/pronoun? ex. she --> Must be saying 'you naughty boy' or whatever......"

	Malicorne lip-read Louise's script with a tone almost sighing. Such highly skilled techniques.		Malicorne lip-read Louise's script with a tone almost sighing. Such highly skilled techniques.
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	"How should I explain it, that...."		"How should I explain it, that...."

	Saito shook his head. The tension at the scene was like an matured apple about to be fall on the ground but bounded so tight by iron wire that it almost cuts into its flesh. Must correct Louise's misconception, even though it's not a misconception at all. However, that would be too much for an illogical Louise to handle.		Saito shook his head. The tension at the scene was like an matured apple about to be fall on the ground but bounded so tight by iron wire that it almost cuts into its flesh. Must correct Louise's misconception<!-- please complete the sentence -->, even though it's not a misconception at all. However, that would be too much for an illogical Louise to handle.

	The girl you like falling in love with yourself, and also in an environment that spells "do whatever you want" out loud..... yet Saito just had to screw things up at the crucial stage.		The girl you like falling in love with yourself <!-- rephrase its hard to understand -->, and also in an environment that spells "do whatever you want" out loud..... yet Saito just had to screw things up at the crucial stage.

	If he doesn't come up with something quick....... after some frantic processing in his brain, Saito, being stuck in a stalemate, came up with a shocking excuse.		If he doesn't come up with something quick....... after some frantic processing in his brain, Saito, being stuck in a stalemate, came up with a shocking excuse.
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	"Speaking of which, at the start I was thinking 'how would this turn out', but I never could have imagined that we're already here now."		"Speaking of which, at the start I was thinking 'how would this turn out', but I never could have imagined that we're already here now."

	The day Pope Vittorio announced the commence of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place.		The day Pope Vittorio announced the commence of "Crusade" was in the month of '''Lutos (烏魯)''', '''Teraz(特瓦茲)''' week and '''Ingot(銀格)''' day. To now, it has already been two weeks. Romalian army was only able to conquer the main part of Gallia because of the help from a real rebellion out of the dual-use fleets which triggered this war in the first place. <!-- this whole sentence is rather long and hard to understand ill resume later -->

	As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.		As Myozunitonirun's '''Golomonta''' army was overran, fleet captain Claville himself awoke from his nightmare.