A Simple Survey:Volume1 File04

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File 04: Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique ©[edit]

In the end, it was a war of technology.

“K-Kunoichi-chan? I don’t think you can fly through the sky just with your arms and legs tied to a giant kite.”

“Don’t worry. It’ll be okay, old man! Look at this Iga Ninja Art – Free Flight...dbrblcher!?”

It was all given names like “ninja art” or “ninja technique”, but a ninja’s power really came from technology. That went for the shape and materials of a shuriken and the throwing form and training methods for the one throwing the shuriken.

It was made to look like a miracle or some secret art.

A ninja’s status was directly connected to his ability to reproduce such things with manmade tools.

“Dammit, it didn’t work…”

“If you can fall from a height like that and suffer nothing worse than some scratches and a panty shot, I’d say your safety techniques are what we should be adopting.”

“Old man, don’t you have some kind of interesting ninja art? The Kouga announced on the internet that they’ve implemented a cloning technique.”

“I’m willing to bet the information on their official site is full of exaggerations. That said, their metamaterial technology is quite something.”

I tried to get her to leave with that noncommittal response, but Kunoichi-chan stuck with me. She must have been starving for something exciting. There was nothing better for the health of my eyes than the way various parts of her were jiggling.

“I saw that! That’s the thing that bends laser weapons all over the place, right!? The upper level Kouga ninja really are flashy, aren’t they!?”

“I say techniques that show off like a bird in a singing competition go against the entire purpose of a ninja.”

“Old man, enough with these boring things like optimizing the shape of the shuriken. Can’t you make something with a little more oomph to it? Oomph!!”

“Well, I guess I do have something like that.”

“Really!?”

“It’s just a prototype though. Here it is! Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique!!”

“Throwing English into the name from the very beginning, I see!!”

What I pulled out of the storage shed was a piece of equipment that looked like a wetsuit used in scuba diving. The inside was covered in electrodes.

Kunoichi-chan sat on the ground cross-legged with a disappointed look in her eyes.

“That looks really boring.”

“Even if I told you it artificially created an out-of-body experience?”

“What!?”

“First, the amplitude of your brain waves is brought to a certain value using your body’s natural electricity. Then a large wave is forced in from outside. When that wave slams into them, your brain waves lose their place and end up leaving your body.”

“Oh, oh! A-and!? Old man, what happens in this out-of-body experience!? Can you cause supernatural phenomena that exceed the limits of your physical body!? Do you make a ‘dorororon’ sound effect!?”

“No, it isn’t anything as exciting as that.”

“…Oh, then we’re back to boring. Can it actually even cause an out-of-body experience?”

“By the way, Kunoichi-chan, did the bath seem a bit chilly last night?”

“It’s the middle of summer. Of course not.”

“Then my experiment was a success.”

“Old man!! Did you use your research money to create a tool for peeking!?”

“But performing intelligence work without being noticed is part of being a ninja…bchgrgalgal!?”

It was then that an email arrived at both my and Kunoichi-chan’s smart phones simultaneously. Everyone in the village had likely received one. It was an emergency email reporting an intruder. We did not simply have a siren go off because that would notify the intruder that they had been caught.

“They’re here, old man! It’s the Kouga!!”

“But I thought the village was surrounded by multiple light wave sensors?”

“It’s that clone technique that’s gotten popular lately. The metamaterial at the base can bend laser weapons, so they can probably get past the sensors!”

As Kunoichi-chan charged toward where the intruder was detected, she seemed in an oddly good mood. There was no real reason for me to go as well, but Kunoichi-chan would likely hit me later if I slacked off.

We ran into a Kouga ninja girl in a thick part of the forest around the perimeter of the village. I will refer to her as “ninja girl” so as not to confuse her with Kunoichi-chan.

“Wh-what!? It looks like some girl with huge breasts is naked other than a translucent raincoat!! Is this a secret Kouga weapon!? M-my blood pressuuuuuurrrreeeeee!!”

I grabbed my nose and leaned up against a nearby tree and the ninja girl shouted at me with her face beat red.

“This isn’t some Ninja Art – Blood Pressure Raising Technique!! The sunburning effect of artificial ultraviolet rays burned the metamaterial refracting surface!! Waahhhn!!”

“…C-come to think of it, those things that bent laser weapons were one-time-use kinds of things.”

“Old man, I remote hacked into her tablet and checked her secret scrolls. This bitch was trying to destroy the Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique!!”


“We are trying to develop the same technique in the Kouga village, but this Iga old man’s development speed was just too fast. At the press release during the last Ninja Technique Weapons Show, the Kouga developers were blown away.”

Well, the point of those weapons shows was to hold business negotiations and to apply pressure to the enemy. After that thought, I realized something.

“Mh!? Come to think of it, the Kouga were using that shuriken I developed!!”

“…Oh, I remember that. That was the one with the changeable rough skin meant to alter air resistance. The technology was so specialized that it would be immediately identified as an Iga shuriken if it was left at a scene, so the higher level ninja who specialize in assassination were complaining.”

“Uuh!?”

I had heard that the ninja would purposefully scrape away the surface of the shuriken with a file, but hearing it said to my face did make me sad.

Meanwhile, the raincoat-wearing huge-breasted ninja thrust her chest out in pride (causing me more problems!!).

“Heh heh heh. The Ninja Patent Office uses a first-to-file system!! I do recall that the Iga rough skin shuriken was applied to the Ninja Patent Office. However, during the inspection, the Kouga developed their own, applied it, and it cleared the inspection!! In other words, ours is the official one!!”

“Wait a second. That doesn’t add up. Oh, right. If I recall, when I applied for a patent, a virus scare in the Ninja Patent Office servers and a small fire in the document storage area caused the process to be delayed…”

“Nyan nyan☆”

“H-how could you!?”

“What are you saying!? You Iga anticipated a portion of our development of mizugumo and submitted for a patent on a necessary part of the research ahead of us! We were forced to spend 5 years finding a way around that!!”

“…Old man?”

“Gwah ha ha! Being a modern ninja means being an expert in information warfare!!”

“And that is why we must destroy your Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique before you can get a © added to the end!!”

“I see, I see. And while we can do nothing but watch on, you Kouga will complete your research and submit it to the Ninja Patent Office? It’s already too late!! That will no longer work!!”

“Nonsense. We have already checked. The Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique has yet to be submitted to the Ninja Patent Office!!”

“Not to the Japanese Ninja Patent Office, no. But what about the Bahamian Central Ninja Patent Administration!?”

“Hahh…!?”

“Their inspection time is much shorter than the Japanese Ninja Patent Office, so I thought it would be easier to just use a foreign agency and system.”

“Wha-…? You-…! You can’t do that!! The ninja is a part of Japanese culture!! It’s Cool Japan!! What are we supposed to do in the Kouga if you start bringing the Bahamas into this!?”

“If you’re gonna complain, I suggest you take it up with the Bahamian courts. Bahamian lawyers will represent us and argue over the Bahamian laws in the Bahamian language. And you will have to pay for the trip to the other side of the world.”

“Waaahhn!! I’ve never left the Chubu region, so I don’t think I could handle that!!”

The nude raincoat girl (with huge breasts) ran off somewhere at full speed while crying like a child. By the way, the Kouga village was in the Kinki region.

Kunoichi-chan had been completely taken aback by the entire thing, but she finally regained her ability to function.

“…Old man, it was immature of you to make a girl cry.”

“Huh? It seems to me, you let her escape!”

“Argh!!” Kunoichi-chan clicked her tongue and began pursuit. “I’m betting her getting caught by the sensors on the way into the Iga village was a bluff! By giving us a sense of security by the fact that she did not actually make it in, we might be a little more lenient in our pursuit!!”

“But the Ninja Art – Sleep Diver Technique was not damaged.”

“How do you know that is what the Kouga are after? We only saw the secret scrolls in the Kouga ninja girl’s tablet!! All of that could have been planted for us to find!!”

I realized she was right.

But something still didn’t add up.

“If she could get in just fine, couldn’t she have slipped out unnoticed just as easily?”

“She can’t get rid of footprints and smell, old man. If we realized she did something to the Iga ninja techniques we are developing or had even stolen our technological information, we would have used dogs and everything else at our disposal to pursue her. But if she makes us think we stopped her before she could do anything, we will not be as tenacious in our pursuit. Despite it being the exact same job, we would be more careless and less persistent.”

“…So that disappointed aura of hers was all an act?”

“Old man, you secretly found her moe, didn’t you? We are professionals at this kind of thing, so be on your guard. At any rate, we need to take care of this Kouga ninja. That is how we ensure the safety of our business from the background.”

“No, wait!!”

“Wh-what is it, old man?”

“This is the kind of elite ninja girl that was sent to the front lines. If we managed to acquire the ninja tools she has, we might be able to learn something about Kouga technology. Even if we could not use it, we could at least gain a better understanding of the direction their technology will develop in the future. Then we could put together some interception ninja techniques ‘ahead of time’ to oppose those things.”

New technology opened up brand new territory. If that new territory was something no one had anticipated, the old methods of defense would no longer work. As such, massive amounts of research money were spent on finding paths to that unknown territory in order to take all the advantages found within for oneself.

But if we circled ahead and sealed off that path and set up mountains of swords in that new territory, the Kouga would be unable to get back the money they had spent reaching it. They would be left with nothing but massive amounts of debt. That kind of monetary damage was a wonderful way of waging war, don’t you think?

“…Old man, you’re a ninja too, right?”

“Well, I’m certainly not a samurai that fights fair and square.”

“Then don’t you think it makes no security sense for a high class ninja to be carrying technology they don’t want others to have when heading to the enemy’s village?”

“That is why the Iga and the Kouga have this kind of cultural exchange. And that is also why I am creating wonderful ninja techniques like the Ninja Art – Sleep Diver that allows you – well, it’s not even you really – to head to the front lines without worrying about that.”

“Okay, fine. I don’t want her to have the last laugh. If she doesn’t pay the penalty, this will have been a waste.”

“Also, I need to ask that nude, raincoat-wearing, and huge-breasted girl some things about her body! That’s the dream of men!! In fact, it would be a waste to eliminate her! It wouldn’t be ecological!!”

“Ah!! My motivation gauge just dropped down to zero!!”