Dark Elf:Volume1 Chapter1

Chapter 1: Trial and Error, How It All Began

Part 1

That deep, deep forest was known as the Forest of No Return.

Once you wandered into that cursed forest, you were doomed to never leave again. Thanks to that, there were no hunters living in the small inn town at the forest’s entrance and all the meat served at the restaurant had to be transported from afar by wagons. It was all venison or beef preserved with salt. The way it was soaked in water to remove the preserving salt before it was cooked provided a unique flavor, but it would get old fast if it was all you had.

The redheaded boy named Klaus Knockburn’s plate also contained a round object no more than 5cm thick. It was the stem of a giant Witch Pumpkin, a type of magic derivative. Normal people did not eat those. In the fields outside the village, they were viewed as big, heavy weeds and wagon drivers hated them. However, certain conditions had to be met to use magic. In Klaus’s case, he only had to soften up the hard, nasty stem by cooking and seasoning it, but some people had to eat or drink things with extreme bitterness or even toxins that had to be removed first. Figuring out the trick to preparing it and asking a cook to make it more appetizing was one job of a magic user.

…If I use up all the stem inside me, I get really bad headaches and dizziness. That might sound like a big problem, but it’s really not much different than what happens if you don’t eat anything for an entire day. Once you’re used to eating them, you stop thinking about how much trouble it is to do so.

“It doesn’t make any sense, does it? All this delicious meat is delivered along a road built through the Forest of No Return.”

A beautiful (on the outside) court scientist with long, glossy black hair and bright skin was moving her knife and fork across the table from Klaus. Observing the items she had on the table was enough to know what kind of magic she used. She did not have any Witch Pumpkin stem.

Her name was Reika Kickpleats.

She wore a thick black cloak, a witch hat with floral decorations, intellectual glasses, and a tight black dress that showed off her plentiful curves like a smooth silk camisole. That rotten teacher was downing a glass of red wine in the middle of the day.

“Pwahh☆ If you’re gonna be an absolute disaster anyway, you might as well start day drinking!!”

“Y’know, you could at least try not being a disaster.”

Klaus’s comment was not appreciated. Reika snatched up the broom leaning against the wall nearby and smacked him over the head with it.

“Ow!?”

“Pipe down, my #1 student.”

Klaus heard a heavy metallic clanking from directly behind him. She must have wanted him to lower his head, but that grip was made of hard and heavy Naval Cedar, the same wood used to build the giant sailing ships used for intercontinental travel. She had hit him in the head, but he felt a little nauseous and couldn’t get his voice out.

A knight in heavy armor was walking by behind him, so Reika unnaturally leaned her upper body down onto the table to hide herself in the crowd.

“Oh, dear. I can’t let the knights see me here, so I might have to have you go buy me sandwiches from now on.”

“What did you do this time?” groaned the redheaded boy.

His rotten teacher winked behind her glasses while resting her upper body on the table (and thus softly squishing her large breasts against it).

“It’s all a big misunderstanding☆ As always, I’m working myself to the bone to make the world a better place.”

Then she quietly explained her reason for this trip to the Forest of No Return.

This was his last warning. And Klaus was not stupid enough to enter that deep forest without even knowing why first. He sighed when he saw how good a mood she was in despite her messy hair.

Once she was done explaining, he had just one thing to say.

“What a mess.”

“Don’t act like you couldn’t guess this was going to get messy☆ Were you worried about your kind, gentle, and beautiful teacher traveling all on her lonesome?”

“Of course not. I’m here because of the extremely rare reports of dark elves being spotted in the Forest of No Return.”

Dark elves were occasionally seen in virgin forests.

But he had to be cautious.

“A human only has one chance in their entire life to find a dark elf village. There are no second chances. So if I give up and leave the forest, I can never ever find their village.”

“Isn’t that just a legend? Do you have any statistics to back it up, my #1 student?”

“Shut up and listen. I’ve been visiting likely forests and wasted my chance in all of them. I never even caught a glimpse of a dark elf, much less their village! So if I screw up here, I’ll have to travel across the ocean and try to find an uncharted island or something!!”

“Sigh. You’re almost as thorough as me.”

“I have to be. My past brethren have pursued the dark elves for generations, but not one of them managed to reach those legendary villages. They all lost hope, graduated, returned home, and took over the family business…but I refuse!! Why do you think I chose this elective in magical biology that lets me study all the fantasy lifeforms that don’t fit into the general classifications? I’ll do whatever it takes to find a real dark elf and marry her!!!!!!”

“But that’s the Forest of No Return. They say you can never find your way out again if you take a single step off the stone-paved road. Besides, aren’t dark elves depicted as villains in children’s books?”

Witches were also stereotypical children’s book villains, but that long history of prejudice had finally come to an end and it was now an elite position that granted you free access to the royal court. So couldn’t the same happen for dark elves? Klaus pouted his lips. He would make sure it happened.

“Sigh. Since you chose my lessons for your elective, I really wish you would direct this passion toward the rest of your fieldwork. I’ve never seen someone so bad at investigating strata and water veins.”

“Um, how exactly do you expect me to focus on something that doesn’t have brown boobs and a healthy ass?”

Reika Kickpleats received a refill from a waitress in a miniskirt uniform that excessively accentuated her chest (given her age, it may have been her way of finding someone to marry). Reika swished the red liquid around in her gloved hand and narrowed her eyes.

“What is it about dark elves that motivates you like this, my silly student? Especially when you have a lonely witch getting a little tipsy right in front of you?”

“Heh heh heh. An unusually good question for you, my silly teacher. You see, dark elves have shiny silver hair and brown bodies that are as athletic as they are sexy. I also love how they wear unnecessarily revealing clothing and consider it perfectly normal. These aren’t the normal elves you can find just about anywhere. Those ones act all friendly like they’re coming on to you, but then they brag about how many hundreds of years old they are and insist they have no interest in romance with a human, but dark elves have none of those impenetrable defenses!! Yes, the keyword here is purity. I need a pure dark elf who’s super strong, still lives in tune with nature, and has the wisdom of age, but is also kind of clueless and defenseless!!!!!!”

“That is legitimately creepy.”

Part 2

Dead-eyed Klaus Knockburn awoke from his reverie.

“Ahh…”

He was screwed and withdrawing into his memories wasn’t going to change that.

Was this some kind of ritual? He was tied to a log while dark elf dancers danced around him in yellow-jeweled outfits sheerer than lace underwear. Every time they arched their back, lifted their leg high, and rhythmically moved their belly, their gold chains, bracelets, and other accessories jangled together. A sweet feminine scent wafted over from one short-haired young woman while beads of sweat flew from her hair and skin. But the show was hard to enjoy when it felt like they were preparing him to be cooked.

Was this their village, or not? Either way, they were deep inside the dark-elf-controlled Forest of No Return. This far away from human civilization, no one would come to his rescue if he shouted. His rotten teacher had entered the forest with him, but where had she gone? Had she been caught and roasted earlier, or had she abandoned him and fled when he passed out? Whatever the case, the legends had been wrong and it was looking like the actual reward for seeing a naked dark elf was death. But he had a feeling that rotten woman would have broken several other taboos.

Klaus Knockburn was all alone. The dark elves he had dreamed of meeting had tied him to a log pillar, piled up dried plants at his feet, and were surrounding him with torches at the ready. The dancer in thin lace that he had dubbed Short Hair and the hunter in white leather he had dubbed Leader both had their midriffs showing and they were not shy about showing off their cleavage and thighs either. Once he started paying attention, he found a lot of exposed skin. Those outfits were aggressively revealing.

He was in a crisis situation.

He was surrounded by the dark elves you were lucky to see even once in a lifetime, but they were about to cook him alive. So he wanted to believe this was the result of a misguided survival instinct.

…O-oh, no.

Whatever the reason, it still happened.

“Wait, wait, wait, why!? No, it really is getting hard!!

Due to a private male concern, he really wanted to inconspicuously lean forward, but he unfortunately had to remain standing tall since he was tied to the thick pillar behind him. And they were staring at him. Every last one of them, from the brown girl hiding behind what was likely her mother (Okay, I’ll call her Little Girl for now) to an alluring young woman (She can be Tear Mole). Was the little girl in the white dress, who wore her silver hair in a braid mixed with some artificial hair to mimic her mother, leaning forward to get a better look?

He could only pray all those serious-faced dark elves had not noticed his shame!

“…”

Then the bathing girl – his future wife Slender – turned her head aside with a hand still on her hip. But he was pretty sure the visible side of her face had grown a bit red. Her pursed lips were also moving, but he was too far away to hear what she was muttering to herself.

…She didn’t notice, did she?

She didn’t, right!? Right!? pleaded Klaus. Please, goddess!!

But he had no way of communicating while tied up like this, so he couldn’t even ask her. He had never known how distressing it was to be unable to communicate! He ground his teeth together. This was the most trouble he had been in since he dozed off in class that one time. It had only been for 5 minutes, but when he woke up, he found that thing was doing what it tended to do in the mornings. He had tried his best to hide it, but his rotten teacher had covered her mouth with a hand and laughed most elegantly. “Oh, dear. What have we here? That cute thing is really working hard to catch my eye, isn’t it? Was I perhaps a little too sexy today?”

…Noooooo!! I can’t let that happen agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!

His entire body trembled as that nightmare came rushing back.

He was bound tight and had no chance of escaping. And even if he did slip free of the rope, he was fully surrounded by dark elves carrying torches and bows. Trying to escape in front of them would only get him pummeled into submission by the entire group.

He could use magic.

But if he used it poorly, it would only seal his fate.

Which would be the more painful death: having his vitals pierced by poison-tipped arrows, or having his skull smashed open by the dull machetes and axes used to create their firewood and torches? Either choice – or neither choice – would not be a pleasant death.

…Wait.

He was dripping with sweat and struggling to breath. He didn’t want them to laugh at him, but the complete lack of laughter led him to another realization.

…O-oh, no. Is this not just some cruel joke!?

It had excited him a little to think of this as a group of silver-haired, brown-skinned women ganging up on and tying him up, but was this actually very serious?

“Wait, wait! But reaching a dark elf village is one of my life goals!!”

Tension filled the air when he shouted in human language.

The dancers stiffened and briefly stopped their dance. The sudden pause sent beads of sweat flying from the ends of their silver hair. Even if they couldn’t understand him, they may have been able to sense his anger at this unreasonable situation.

A very ominous silence followed. His use of human language may have put them on guard, or maybe even riled them up.

On that note, was this even their village? He didn’t see any buildings around. It may have been a ceremonial ground or an execution ground.

If so, he hadn’t even reached his goal. He was figuratively sliding headfirst toward the incinerator.

He barely understood anything here, which pressed down on him like a thick wall.

…I…

His throat went dry. He felt death’s icy fingers on his back. He had no idea how this ritual worked, but if a single ember reached the pile of dried plants at his feet, even by mistake, he might be burned alive here. The possible discovery of his hard-on was no longer his primary concern.

…I need to make contact. I need to communicate!! I’ve wanted to meet dark elves for ages. They might be another species, but they look almost identical to us. Yeah, they have longer ears, but they have hearts and they have brains just like us. When they look this identical, they must be able to feel the same emotions we feel, so I know they’ll understand if I can just speak with them. Our wedding night isn’t over yet! Crap, now I’m really nervous. M-ma’am, I promise I will make your daughter happy! And you as well if you want to marry me too!!

Luckily, he did know a bit of the elf language. That wouldn’t be the same as the dark elf language, but they might be able to understand a fellow elf language…right? If there were any bilingual elves here, they were more likely to know dark elf and elf than dark elf and human!

If he screwed this up, he would be burned at the stake, so he licked his lips with a dry tongue.

…Um, “I wasn’t aware of your rules” would be…like this I think!!

He doubted anyone would mistake him for fluent, but he still managed to stumble through the elf words one at a time.

“Lhoipo plino jo. U sipk’q isino ab vaen nehop! U ilahacuwo ub u abbokzoz vae, pa yaehz vae lhoipo iq hoipq plino jv hubo?”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

H-huh?

Time seemed to grind to a halt as a tense silence formed, so Klaus Knockburn smiled a little.

But not because he was amused. Quite the opposite.

He was pretty sure he had gotten it right. He might have had an accent, but he had spoken proper elf to them. Yet he felt more than just a chill. No one was smiling, not sharp-eyed Leader and not even Little Girl hiding behind her mother’s back. They made him feel like he had just snorted with laughter in the middle of a funeral where everyone else was sobbing. He had made some critical mistake here. He didn’t need to understand their language to sense that. He could no longer control his emotions. Maybe people reacted with laughter when all the assumptions of safety they had built up in their head were suddenly broken down.

He hesitantly turned toward his future wife Slender.

She was sighing with one hand on her hip and one hand on her forehead.

She looked exasperated or maybe resigned.

…Wait, wait, wait! Forget I said anything! Give me a do-over!!

Meanwhile, Tear Mole the dancer and Glasses the priest, who had pointy gold decorations (horns? wings?) on either side of her head, were whispering to each other.

“Kob, Fiwkotuqo. Uv ko i htuoqg ah wko onxov?”

“Uw yaeng voop va, Noqbi. Ykufk uv inn wko pato toivaq ykb yo qoog wa vixo kup.”

As an outsider and a human, he had no way of knowing how the legendary dark elves would react. He had hoped they would respond more positively to the language of their cousins the elves, but only after making the choice did a very bad feeling set in. He begged the goddess to tell him it wasn’t so.

But what if?

…What if the elves and dark elves are mortal enemies and we humans just aren’t aware of it?

“Dojuq!!!!!!”

Surprisingly, it was intellectual-looking Glasses who gave the arrogant command. The many torches were all raised at once and then thrown toward the boy’s feet, landing on the pile of dried plants there.

Part 3

Klaus’s vision was obscured by flames and smoke.

He did not even have time for fear. His eyes and nose throbbed with pain and, instead of heat, he felt pain like sharp needles were piercing every part of his body. The direct pain and suffering shattered the freedom of thought that people were meant to preserve above all else.

He couldn’t think. Human or dark elf, the burning fire would consume anything in its path.

“Agh! Cough, cough!!”

He coughed violently and twisted around, but he still could not free himself from the log. He could use magic, but he had erred in his timing. It was too late to use his magic in a panic now that the fire was already set. He should have tried it sooner despite the risk. Then he might have been able to escape, even if the odds were low. They might have killed him, but at least he would have chosen his fate. He could have avoided this worst of all possibilities where he did nothing, had no chance of survival and was simply executed.

…Am I going to die like this?

It was horribly unfair, but the pain from his burned nose and throat kept him from screaming. But why did they do this? That was still a mystery. Had it been that wrong to see Slender naked? Or had it been a mistake to use the elf language? Was he going to die without even knowing the reason why?

All of a sudden, Klaus realized he could think again. Perhaps he had grown numb to the direct pain. If so, was the real terror about to hit him? That seems backwards, he thought with a slight smile. He felt a step removed from his own predicament, like he was looking down on himself in an out-of-body experience.

That was when he noticed it. In fact, maybe that was why he noticed it.

Something felt off to him.

There was way too much of it. Of what? Of the smoke. The white smoke billowed out like cotton candy and fully obscured his vision, but there shouldn’t have been that much of it. He thought about what this could mean while the smoke irritated his tear ducts and sent tears streaming down his cheeks. Why was there so much smoke after they threw their torches on the dried plants? He couldn’t think of any reason for that to trigger an incomplete combustion. He should have been engulfed in a giant pillar of fire.

And…

“Ito bae amib?”

He heard a voice from a seemingly impossible location.

He couldn’t understand it, but the sound definitely came from within the fire.

“Wkob fiq’w voo ykiw’v kirroquqj koto, va u fiq jow bae aew ah koto.”

He couldn’t see past his nose with all the smoke, but he recognized that clear voice.

Is that…Slender?

…But why? If this is a punishment for peeping on her bathing, she wouldn’t come to rescue me.

He felt a tug forward. That shouldn’t have moved him while tied to the log, but he collapsed forward nevertheless. Before his knees could land in the dried plants, he felt someone supporting his weight. He could feel an intelligent mind behind the action.

He also felt a litheness not found in his male body. He could sense someone’s pulse through their touching chests.

…Huh? There’s an awful lot there for someone named Slender.

He must have been too heavy for her because he felt her stagger back a few steps. Whoever this was, they were no ghost. They had a real, physical body.

…She undid the rope.

But in the middle of a fire???

No, there may not have been as much fire as it seemed. That unnatural fact may have been the result of something the dark elves did for their ritual.

“Uh, ah.”

He had questions, but he did not have it in him to find any answers. The thick smoke kept Leader, Curvy, and the others dark elf hunters from seeing him, but it also filled his lungs.

He did not even sense himself passing out.

He was not even aware he was crossing that line as his consciousness slipped away.

Part 4

A heavy pain pounded in Klaus Knockburn’s head. But that very suffering was proof he still lived.

“Kh…”

He had come to, but he lacked the strength to jump to his feet. He couldn’t remember what was happening or where he was.

“Oww.”

He could tell he was lying on his back deep in the forest. He could see conifer trees too big to reach his arms around and large boulders. It was all covered in green moss, making them all look like one combined mass. It appeared to be daytime, but the light was dim thanks to the branches overhead. Some colorful objects lay at the base of a tree. Red Ghost Turnips and orange Witch Pumpkins measuring more than a meter across were growing there. Their skin was as thick as a shield, making them a poor choice for cooking.

After spending a good long time observing his surroundings, Klaus rolled onto his stomach. What felt like a low pile carpet had to be the green moss. His fingers trembled and the rest of him refused to move. Where was he? Why was he lying in the middle of the forest? More and more questions occurred to him, but they were all swept from his mind a moment later.

A long-eared individual was watching him. The silver-haired, brown-skinned dark elf was w-sitting on the ground and cautiously extending just her head forward to peer at him.

It was Slender.

He cried out in surprise.

She jumped and tried to scoot back while still seated. All she really accomplished was straining her white leather clothing and messing up her sitting position.

“Y-ykiw? Gaq’w htoim aew numo wkiw, kepiq. Bae vfitog po!!”

Without straightening back up, she reached out a frantic hand, but scooting back had placed her out of reach of the bow she had left on the ground. She looked like the calm and composed type, but he was quickly learning she was easily flustered. He could not even get up, yet she had nearly fallen over and even had tears in her eyes as she tried to find something to do. She was acting like she had just encountered a violent ruffian.

“What?”

Klaus worked to dredge up the memories inside his smoke-addled mind.

He had nearly been burned at the stake, but then this girl had untied him within all that smoke.

“Did you save me from-”

Her fingertips found the bow on the ground.

A tremor ran down his spine, but he could not even raise his hands to protect his face. He could not move, but the brown girl didn’t even hear him out before running off into the forest.

No one else remained with him.

“Umm.”

He waited a while and started feeling lonely just lying there.

“Um, what is happening to me? I feel all tingly. When will I be able to get up?”

No one answered him.

He only heard the cries of wild birds and the rustling of the forest’s trees.

Then it hit him.

He realized anew that he was alone.

Hopelessly alone.

…Um, wait. What if I can never move again? What do I do about water and food? What if some crawling bugs swarm me?

It was all too sudden. Once he focused on it, he felt a great pressure like the entire forest was collapsing in on him.

Would he pass out from hunger and then be eaten by an animal?

Would that green moss grow across his pale bones like it did the rocks and trees?

He screamed.

He shouted and yelled. He didn’t stop even when he realized the dark elves might be out searching for him. His voice was swallowed up by the deep forest. Tears fell from his eyes. He had never known being alone could be so terrifying. It affected him so much he grew irrationally angry at the dark elves for not showing up when they were supposed to be chasing after him.

…Dammit, where is that idiot of a teacher when you need her? We were supposed to be investigating the forest together, so surely she didn’t run away and l-l-l-leave me behind, right!? Ahhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!???

Wishing wasn’t going to help. His teacher was never going to come rescue him.

No one was coming. He had to survive on his own. He reached an understanding of his situation while still lying on the ground. The biggest problem for the puny boy was his lack of fire or a weapon.

…There was Leader, Tear Mole, and…how many others?

He used his fingernails to scrape letters into the moss. He listed out everything he had seen and heard.

…The hunters and priests wore different clothing. Are the dancers a third category? No, they’re probably part of the priests. Little Girl wore a dress instead, so maybe she’s still an apprentice and doesn’t have an official role yet?

He breathed a heavy sigh. The tingling remained, but he managed to grit his teeth and slowly turn his head on its side. He took an objective view of what he had recorded to help input the information into his mind.

“They had me at their mercy by the river, so why didn’t they kill me then and there? Is that river a holy place, or is there some significance in the use of fire? Boobs, thighs…oh, goddess, I want to put Slender’s entire long ear in my mouth and- ah!?”

Was he drifting over to a wish list of activities because he was out of information to consider? He didn’t remember most of what he had seen and heard. That may have been the smoke’s doing, but he was disappointed in his unreliable memory all the same. He could not remember what it was he couldn’t remember, but he was struck by a vague sense of forgetfulness. He especially regretted failing to observe the details of the burning ritual just because he was so worried about dying. He was a failure of a scientist and he couldn’t even complain if his rotten teacher made fun of him now.

“Y-ykiw? Gaq’w htoim aew numo wkiw, kepiq. Bae vfitog po!!”

For some reason, Slender’s words after rescuing him from the fire kept replaying in his mind. He didn’t understand what it meant, so it was like having a foreign song stuck in his head.

That memory was so vivid compared to the rest.

Analyzing the dark elf language with so little information would be difficult. It was like a code that a linguist had failed to crack after years of work. But there was definitely meaning hidden there. He could also learn about dark elf customs and culture by observing their clothing and mannerisms.

Customs and culture.

That might not sound like much, but this had all begun with seeing Slender naked.

If he had understood their culture, he could have avoided that landmine. And he could use that knowledge to his advantage. If this rule was important enough for them to take someone’s life without hesitation, then it had to influence the way they thought. For example, if there was some sacred ground or holy place they never visited, he could use it as a hiding spot.

…But first, I need to get up.

His strength was slowly but surely returning. He focused his mind on his right hand while lying on his stomach. He pressed his palm against the mossy ground and tried to place his body weight on it.

All of a sudden, he no longer felt the ground below it.

“Wahh!? Ahhhhhhhh!!”

His nose slammed into the ground, but the surprise was greater than the pain. He gritted his teeth and desperately suppressed the urge to roll around. He could now see that he was lying right next to the edge of a cliff. If he had slid just a bit more to the side, he would have fallen into that bottomless ravine.

His heart hammered in his chest.

He desperately wanted to run away from all this tension, but his body told him he didn’t have what it took. He had no map, no rope, no knife, and no water bottle. He wanted a bow and a lamp. He needed a tent and a sleeping bag.

…I need so many tools just to stay alive. Can I really survive if I delve blindly into the forest emptyhanded? Aren’t there some bare minimum of tools you need when camping?

He was alone now, but that was why he needed a solid plan. If he hoped to leave the forest, he needed to travel deeper inside. The only people in the forest with tools were the dark elves. They weren’t going to lend him some if he asked politely, of course. With the exception of Slender, they would probably burn him at the stake. So he needed to sneak in to their village and borrow a map and knife.

Running away was the natural instinct.

But.

He could only attempt to reach their village once in his life. Once he left the forest, he could never try it again.

“Maybe when I reach the village, I’ll look through a window and happen to see Slender engaged in some embarrassing hobby and that can lead to a secret life together.”

He felt like the deep green of the forest was going to crush him to death if he did not speak his fantasies out loud.

Also…

“Where am I?”

He was in the forest. Deep in the forest. The raw nature of the place rejected human life.

It had several different names, including the Dragon’s Forest and Grave Keeper Woods, but one was more well known than the others: the Forest of No Return.

He shook the obvious question out of his heavy head and finally took a look around. The solid boulders were covered in green moss, the thick conifers didn’t look like they would grow any fruit, and some bushes sat low to the ground. He couldn’t spot any kind of landmark, so he had no way of knowing where in the forest he was.

His body felt chilly.

The deep forest was damp and cut off from the sunlight, but would that really affect him this much? The simple cloak he had bought in the royal capital did nothing to keep out the chill. He had assumed his unusual difficulty of movement was due to inhaling so much smoke, but it may have also been all the body heat he had lost while he slept.

He was worried about his chances now. His cloak was not helping as much as the shopkeeper had claimed, but it was meant for someone traveling in a group with firewood, thick tents, and other camping equipment loaded onto a convoy of wagons traveling along a safe road.

And…

“What is this?”

His hand touched something as he pressed it against the mossy ground to support his weight. The glittering gold and small red jewel of a single earring had fallen there.

Had someone lost it? He initially thought of Tear Mole and Short Hair. Those dancers had been covered in jewelry, but he didn’t recall them wearing earrings like this. Elves’ long ears drew the eye, so he could clearly remember this even without any real notes.

“Their ears…”

His own voice reminded him of something.

It reminded him of running across Slender bathing in the nude.

“Oh, right. Slender was wearing one of these when she was bathing!”

There was so much he still didn’t know about Slender. She had not screamed when he saw her naked, but she had not tried to stop the others from setting up the burning ritual. But then she had rigged the dried plants to produce a smokescreen and somehow carried him all the way here.

He had so many questions.

This went beyond language. Some rules he did not understand were at play in the Forest of No Return and he could not even figure out what was happening to him until he figured out what they were. And as the only person here, he was the only one who could do that. He had to get his body and mind moving and risk his life to search out the answers.

“Yeah, I should probably return this to her while I’m at it,” he murmured while rolling the earring around in his hand.

He had business at the dark elf village regardless, so he could leave it for her somewhere while he was there. Even better, he could happen across her there and return it in person.

He was afraid of what might happen in the village, but he wanted to see her again.

…I mean, she was naked and bathing when I first saw her, so who knows what excitement awaits me the next time. Ohh, I can’t wait. What if she’s all sticky from being trapped in a giant spider web!? Or what if she takes a face full of moth scales that make her fall in love with me!?

The dark elves scared him to death, but Slender didn’t.

That was his conclusion. He didn’t need to overcomplicate things here. He had long dreamed of finding the dark elves, but now he knew she was the only one for him.

“Which means marriage is the only option.”

He only had one chance to find the village in this forest and he would forever lose that chance if he gave up and left. She was the only person in the world he cared about right now, so he wanted to propose to her before he left the Forest of No Return. I have to! And then I need to clear a path that connects us forever and ever!!

He gently rolled the jewelry around on his palm. It was made from gold and a red gem. That meant the Forest of No Return was developed enough to create something like this. They had language and they had tools. The only problem was how they were using those things to try and burn him alive. If he could borrow some tools from their village, he could leave the forest alive and clear a path toward marrying his wife-to-be.

He could also use the lost earring. It was metal after all. He collected a large branch lying nearby.

He was not hoping to use it as a handmade spear or fishing rod.

…I can write on it.

He needed to be careful because pure gold was soft, but he could carve letters into the side of the damp tree branch! It wasn’t as nice as the parchment found back in the royal capital, but this way he could avoid foolishly losing what experience he had gained. Falsely remembering a crucial fact scared him more than anything else.

Yes. The paper and ink pens he was used to were nowhere to be found here.

He checked his pockets, but it looked like all of his possessions aside from his clothing had been confiscated. He didn’t even have his cheap mountain climbing knife, his preserved dried meat, or his student ID. He was surrounded by a seemingly endless expanse of deep forest in all directions. He was beginning to suspect throwing him out here with only the clothes on his back had been a more indirect form of execution.

How would he find the necessities needed to survive and how would he avoid the dark elves who were likely searching for the escapee right this very moment? Leader and Curvy’s bows had not been for sports. Those were projectile weapons used to protect their forest village and to hunt the large animals needed to feed their people. They probably also had several varieties of poison arrow. One hit from those and a human like him was dead. As much as he wanted to research the dark elves, he was tired of having to risk his own neck to do so. Instead of taking each other’s lives, he would much rather work with them to create new life.

“First of all, I’m sick of being alone. This is driving me crazy. I hate it, hate it, hate it!! I swear I’ll find a way to meet and talk with my wife! I swear it! Ideally, she would let me borrow some tools from her village too. I can’t hope to leave the forest if I can’t survive on my own.”

He had to survive.

Otherwise he could never marry Slender.

What was the point of an emotional proposal that ended in their deaths like in the climax of a play? If he died before he got a chance to touch those long, twitching ears, he just knew he would regret it so much he came back as a ghost. So right now, even a small stone or tree branch could be priceless. He had no idea when he would find another metal product.

He was alone and helpless.

He felt horribly unprepared and doubted he could survive this on his own, so he started to imagine the dark forest was pressing in on him from all directions. It made him feel like a small child, but he was terrified of being alone.

“Dammit…”

He slowly gathered his strength and stood up, partially to see how much his body had recovered.

He was scared.

His rotten teacher was always doing crazy things, but this was the first time she had grown completely uncontrollable.

If he was going to venture toward the center of the forest in order to safely escape, the hunters’ bows were of course a threat, but those priests creeped him out too. Not much was known about dark elf magic. What if they could use some kind of invisible curse or secretly track him through astral projection? It might sound absurd, but wasn’t impossible. He couldn’t say anything for sure about them, which scared him.

Especially when the one thing he did know was that they tied humans to logs and set them on fire with torches.

His biggest fear was that the lovely dark elves would have no qualms about using some kind of devastating magic power against a human who looked so much like them.

The royal capital wasn’t exactly peaceful. When he was late to submit a research report and had to walk the dark streets late at night, there was always a chance he would be mugged. But this was different. Just like a traveler attacked by a wild bear, this violence existed outside the human rules he was familiar with. It wasn’t the same as a mugger who attacked while well aware it was wrong.

They might even think this violence was an act of good. The majority was being controlled and the group thought they were doing the right thing. No one cared that they were burning someone alive. This wasn’t a case of a mystery going unresolved – they didn’t even see anything needing to be solved.

And whatever the case, no one would ever know what happened to him if he died here.

Not a single person.

He shuddered and held himself. The ordinary branch he was using to take notes was still in his arms. He greatly regretted working to rationally analyze the fear he had sealed away inside himself.

…Anyway, I need to find Slender and then leave this forest.

He hated to leave a place full of so many dark elves, but his safety came first. He only had the one chance to search out their village, but as long as he made it there before leaving the forest, he was pretty sure he could come and go as he pleased. So once he knew its location, he could put off a more in-depth investigation until later.

That meant his top priority was his wife. He tucked the note-taking branch below his belt on the side of his hip.

Now, which way to the dark elf village?

To obtain a wife and leave the forest, he wanted some civilized tools like a bow and a map.

“Slender’s navel and thighs were bare. She wasn’t dressed for walking through bushes. The dark elves must use cleared paths – the animal trails.”

The boy began walking. With the green moss looked like a stormy ocean thanks to the boulders it covered. He walked through the tunnel of trees, the overhead rustling of leaves sounding like whispering voices. What was that cloth sack hanging from a branch by a rope? He hesitantly approached and checked inside to find soil. What could that mean? Was it related to some dark elf myth or religion? Maybe an old story about hanging a slain enemy’s severed head from a tree branch?

Just then, he spotted a narrow animal trail created by flattening the underbrush below foot.

He could no longer tell if he was acting based on educated guesses or pure fantasy, but he didn’t think he had let his guard down. There was no sign of pursuit nearby. He couldn’t afford to sprain his ankle out here, so he had been very careful to avoid the gnarled tree roots and the three round stones as he walked.

A dull metallic snap burst up from the ground at his feet.

“Eh?”

He felt no pain. The only things in his head were confusion and a complaint directed at some deity or another. He actually stared in amazement when he looked down.

Something had latched onto his right ankle.

The crude metal contraption was larger than a beast’s jaws.

It was a beartrap meant to capture large animals.

No, it was possible this one had been built to trap humans.

Part 5

Klaus fell over.

His leg was caught. The trap had lodged itself into the sides of his right shin just a bit above the ankle. The trap was made from a pair of jagged metal panels shaped like the letter D. It was about the size of a straw hat folded in two. He doubted he could extricate his leg just by moving it around.

He heard a jangling sound. The dark elf hunters’ beartrap was attached to a chain that was staked into the ground. The chain was less than a meter long.

“Ow…”

Once he started focusing on the word beartrap, the reality caught up to him. The pain was unusual, feeling more like pressure on the bone than the flesh and blood. It was far worse than having your fingertip crushed by a thick pair of pliers.

Pain exploded inside him, but experiencing a new form of violence for the first time was even worse.

His mind demanded he shout in a rage, like a small child stung by a bee for the first time. He gathered all of his willpower to avoid obeying the demand.

This was the end.

There were some problems people could not solve on their own. The sense of loneliness reared its ugly head once more.

“Ow, agh, bwah!? What…the hell!? It’s stabbing into me? Gwargh!!!!”

He curled up on his side, but that did nothing to relieve the pain. In fact, the pain only grew. It was like having a leg cramp but your body was too stiff to reach your big toe. He gathered what little strength he had left to face reality. He bent his leg and reached trembling hands toward the beartrap.

It was hard.

It was solid. It was a spring-loaded trap, but he had a hard time believing this part was made to move. It didn’t even budge, like it had been welded solid in this configuration. He considered slipping his fingers in the crack to pry it open, but he was afraid he would either cut his fingers on the jagged metal or get them caught in there with his leg.

Back when he picked up the earring, he had feared he would not find another metal product. He wanted to laugh at his past self for being so foolish.

He heard a slight sound.

It was a rustling of leaves he had not noticed before. Were the dark elf hunters approaching? No, that was not just a careless footstep. Someone had intentionally thrown a pebble to see how he reacted.

They already knew someone had been caught in the trap. And what if they realized he was unlikely to resist?

He shuddered.

He had a sudden flashback to all those torches surrounding him and the smoke irritating his eyes and nose so badly. But nothing he did helped remove the beartrap that was so solid he suspected it was locked like this.

He grabbed the thick chain and pulled. It was only held in place by the metal stake driven into the ground, but that wasn’t budging either. He guessed it was connected to a large stone or something buried underground.

“Ko pevw kixo vworrog aq uw. Vapoaqo ja rufm vapo kotdv hat kup.”

“B-bov, pi’ip! Yo fiq’w now wkuv ja numo nivw wupo. Yo qoog wa jow kup wa vihowb.”

He heard voices from beyond the bushes. Voices he recognized. It was weird how familiar they could be when he didn’t understand the language, but his mind figured it out from the pitch and intonation.

He was about to be killed.

He knew that, but he still nearly wept with joy. The loneliness was fading.

But he couldn’t just cry. He felt some kind of pressure slowly approaching.

Were they still checking on what they had caught? Or had they already deemed it safe and were moving in for the kill?

He felt so dizzy from fear he forgot all about the pain in his leg.

If the dark elves surrounded him with bows and machetes and he couldn’t even move, he really was done for. The fear of the fire and smoke crept back into his mind. He couldn’t stop the tears when faced with that. The smoke brought the tears and snot out all on its own.

“Gh…”

If he could not escape through normal means, then he would have to use the one trick he had up his sleeve: magic.

But he couldn’t use magic emptyhanded. His magic required a magic derivative.

He could produce the power itself within his body, but he couldn’t control it well without that.

He dragged his trapped leg to reach a nearby Witch Pumpkin measuring a meter across. But he could not break through its skin with his fingernails, his fists, or even a stone from the ground. Its skin was as think as a shield, so he could not even dig out the stem at the top.

The footsteps were closing in. His heart was hammering so hard he wanted to scream, but he resisted the urge and looked to the side. Another large object sat alongside the Witch Pumpkin. The red object was an equally-large Ghost Turnip. He was pretty sure that was a root vegetable, but it had lived so long it was sticking out of the ground.

The pumpkin was not the only magic derivative he could use.

Ghost Turnips worked as well. But he did not want to eat the entire meter-long vegetable. For one thing, he couldn’t. They were just as cruelly tough as the Witch Pumpkins.

But Ghost Turnips did not have stems.

Instead, they had strange blue flowers fluttering at the very top. Technically, it was the part below the flowers he needed, but he did not have time to make the distinction. He stretched the chain as far as it would go and ate it, flowers and all. His throat tried to reject it, but he forced it down.

The base of a vegetable’s stem came from the calyx that supported the flower from below.

He was all fueled up now, so he looked elsewhere.

…I’m ready, so I need a target! Something unscathed would hide me better!!

Klaus spoke through the bitter flavor lingering in his mouth.

“Of the three traits, I choose salt. Cucurbitaceae, annual, ornamental, monoecious, creeper. I have grasped thy nature like counting the corners of a polygon or star. The polygon emanates and the star gathers – together they symbolize the control of power. By knowing thee, I become one with thee.”

Still caught in the beartrap, he crouched down and drew a square in the leaves on the ground. He was afraid of digging into the dirt below, so he used a light touch. He used the accurate square to picture the four elements and stood within that imagined magic circle. The symbols were only meant to aid his understanding, so drawing out a more complicated magic circle would be meaningless if he didn’t understand what it meant. But if he did understand, then no complicated circle was necessary. He used the four elements to grasp the three traits and linked heaven to earth. The solid metal trap got in the way of the simple motions, but he got through it.

“Camouflize Decoration – now I am thee!!”

He could use magic.

And now had to be the right time!!

The white explosion produced steam, not smoke.

That symbolized the superhuman powers wielded by humans, but this was not a physical phenomenon. He had used magic. And once that illusionary steam cleared away, the skinny boy was no longer there.

Only a plump orange object.

It looked like a round stone more than a meter long, but it was actually a Witch Pumpkin. But it was too big to eat. It was an ornamental variety, so it was not meant to be made into potage and eaten. It had no face, arms, or legs and the lack of legs meant it had nothing to be caught in the beartrap.

With nothing in its jaws anymore, the beartrap violently snapped fully shut. The explosion of steam had also blown away the magic circle drawn in the leaves.

(Damn, I’m screwed if they figure out this is me.)

Camouflize was a camouflage magic.

It was the one and only magic Klaus Knockburn could use. He could not shoot fire from his hand and he could not fly, but he could still transform into any lifeform.

Camouflaging himself as a Witch Pumpkin that resembled a colorful rock had freed him from the trap, but he was not out of the woods yet. The dark elves were drawing close.

If they discovered his secret, they would cook him alive.

He could not trust any of them except for his wife-to-be. Not even Little Girl who had been hiding behind her mother’s back.

(I’m dead if they see me move! I don’t know how animals move well enough to trick a hunter, so I chose to camouflage myself as a Witch Pumpkin that doesn’t move in the first place. So I can’t afford to move now!!)

A ponytailed dark elf wearing bright white leather and armed with a large bow emerged from the bushes unexpectedly nearby. He recognized her as Leader. She had plenty of pure gold and red gems on her ordinary clothing, so were those things not considered as valuable among dark elves as among humans?

“Ok?”

She was alone and she looked down at the ground in confusion.

Witch Pumpkins did not have lungs or a heart, but his pulse was running wild in his mind.

Leader slowly bent over, placed a hand on her knee, and pulled an arrow from the quiver at her hip. After a moment of thought, she poked the metal arrowhead against the thing lying on the ground.

“Wko wtir yiv vrteqj? Ykiw gaov wkiw poiq?”

She was focused on the beartrap, not the colorful Witch Pumpkin or the magic circle.

She seemed to find it odd the trap was shut with nothing in it. That was understandable. If a wild animal had gotten its leg caught, it never could have pulled its leg out by force. Not many things would get caught in the trap yet find a way to remove it and escape.

However.

(Oh, wow!)

Klaus Knockburn’s focus was elsewhere.

The serious-looking dark elf had bent over to view the unnatural beartrap. Without noting the presence of the Witch Pumpkin nearby. That was supposed to be what he wanted, but there was a problem. She had bent over with her back to him. Now, close your eyes and imagine what that positioning would mean.

It was right there in front of his eyes.

The blue leather miniskirt was so close he could hear it creaking. Dark elves were supposed to be so rare you were lucky to catch a glimpse of one while deep in the woods, but this one’s round butt was hovering mere centimeters from his face. It filled up his entire field of view!

(Oh, wow, wow, wow!! Wait, no, I swear this wasn’t on purpose! But I can’t even apologize like this. She’d kill me!!)

From this close up, he noted some details he hadn’t before. About her bow, not her butt. It was a composite bow made from multiple woods and animal tendon. That thing could kill a bear even without poison. Frankly, it was nicer than the bows used by the royal capital’s mercenaries. He could not underestimate them just because they lived deep in the woods. They had used these tools for ages, so they had built up a lot of experience. They had developed the technology they needed. That was all the more reason he couldn’t let her find him. Which meant he couldn’t warn her about her butt.

“Mouqi!”

The giant Witch Pumpkin nearly jumped from the ground in surprise.

That call had not come from ponytailed Leader. Another dark elf – the one he called Curvy – had arrived, placed her hands on her hips, and called out to Leader. And…

“Bae’nn gipijo baet ittayv wkiw yib. Wtoiw wkop yuwk pato fito iqg gaq’w ivvepo uw’v viho levw dofievo uw’v rauvaqog.”

“V-vattb, Neodonn!!”

(Oh, Leader is bowing toward Curvy. Did she show up first because she’s only a scout? C-could she actually be really low level?)

It looked like Curvy was actually higher ranking.

Klaus seriously considered changing his name for Leader, but he felt like that would only confuse him when he was reviewing his memories or his notes later on. He decided it was best to stick with the original name he gave her.

And he had bigger things to worry about anyway.

“U mqay bae’to yattuog. Uw uv iq opotjoqfb ihwot inn. Dew wkiw uv ykoq hannayuqj wko heqgipoqwinv piwwotv pavw. Wko pavw giqjotaev papoqw uv ykoq bae navo baet witjow’v wtiun.”

“U toinnb ip vatt- mbik!?”

Leader lost her balance and fell onto her butt in a surprisingly cute way.

And she did so on top of the large round stone. No, on top of the giant orange Witch Pumpkin.

Her wonderfully sexy butt fell right onto Klaus.

(Bgweh!? Th-that’s my face! She’s got all sorts of wonderful stuff right there in my face!!)

This particular pumpkin had human senses and a human mind. He had to do this to survive, but guilt still filled his chest(?). And as bad as he felt – and he did feel bad – he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying this very much, goddess dammit!! He blamed all the rotten luck he’d been having lately. This bit of luck felt blindingly bright by comparison!!

It took all his willpower to avoid accidentally dispelling the camouflage.

He could not lose focus. He couldn’t!!

(Don’t let this tempt you! I-I-I-I-I already have a wife. Just think what would happen to Slender if I ditched her and left her all alone! Are you going to doom her to a life of comforting herself below the covers at night!? When dark elves live so very long!?)

(Unlike his first impression of her) Leader showed no caution whatsoever. She did not bother standing back up and simply rubbed her thighs together while using the large Witch Pumpkin as a bench. This brand new experience for Klaus Knockburn was going to last a while longer.

“I-idaew wkiw doitwtir.”

“U mqay ykiw bae poiq. Oxoq wko hatovw iqupinv noitq, va u gaedw iqb ah wkop yaeng jow fiejkw qayigibv. U inva gaedw wkob faeng ovfiro aq wkout ayq.”

He was passionate about his dark elf research, but he was extremely unsure if he should talk about this warmth, weight, and roundness in his paper. The principles of the public good and of personal privacy warred in his mind. He was also hesitant to let the world know he had gotten his first face full of ass before his first kiss. In what world was that the proper order of things!?

(A-anyway. I think I’m successfully hiding from them. If I stay still, they might just leave without ever noticing me.)

That was when he sensed some killer intent approaching him like ripples. No, Klaus did not have the skills of a martial artist or assassin. This was coming from his ordinary senses.

Something small was crawling along the green carpet of moss. A whole line of them. Each individual one was a small bug the size of a grain of risotto rice, but his throat(???) went dry when he realized what they were.

They were termites.

He had said Witch Pumpkins could not be used for food, but that only applied to humans. It didn’t apply to termites that could eat through the trunk of a tree. And his camouflage was perfect, so they hadn’t noticed he wasn’t really a pumpkin!

“Kuv vfoqw uv inva i rtadnop.”

“Bov. Ykb ga kepiqv ftoiwo wkavo vwtiqjo vfoqwv iqg vrtib wkop inn axot wkout vmuq iqg kiut? Uw pimov wkop va oivb wa wtifm uq wko hatovw.”

“Wko vyoow vfoqwv ito wko yatvw. U toinnb karo ko uvq’w iwwifmog db i yung doit at vapowkuqj.”

“Wko hatovw ftoiwetov yunn rtadidnb wtb wa ixaug kup. Karohennb ko fiq iw noivw ifseuto gtuqmuqj yiwot aq kuv ayq, dew ko yaq’w nivw naqj yuwkaew iqbwkuqj wa oiw. Yo qoog wa kettb.”

(How long are you going to chat!? And I can’t understand a word of it!)

Leader and Curvy were having some kind of serious discussion with the former seated on the Klaus pumpkin and the latter standing, but he really wished they would just leave. If he took the time to appreciate the weight of the defenseless dark elf’s soft butt, the termites would reach him. An entire swarm of termites were marching his way!! He could not underestimate them just because they were small bugs. Their mandibles could hollow out a house’s pillars, so they would eat right through the hard pumpkin and end his life. He would be torn apart by those puny bugs, eaten by them, and expelled all across the forest as droppings smaller than sesame seeds. He would know they were slowly chewing through him starting from one end, but he would be killed without even the chance to scream. And then his pitiful corpse would be scattered across the forest instead of buried.

(~ ~ ~!!!!!!)

His fear had passed the limit. The feeling may have been like having a bucket of ice water dumped over your head when you were afraid someone would dump hot water on you. He was hit by a completely different type of fear than he had expected, so it did double damage.

The giant Witch Pumpkin could not move. If he moved, the dark elves would notice.

Yet he still took action. He used the vine growing from the top of the pumpkin to poke at Leader’s round butt.

Her reaction was dramatic.

“Mbik!?”

She jumped to her feet, blushed bright, held her hands to her butt through the blue miniskirt, and hopped up and down. Curvy responded in an exasperated tone.

“Ykiw kirroqog?”

“P-pb deww – vapowkuqj levw waefkog pb deww!”

“Yuwfk Reprmuqv iqg Jkavw Wetqurv ito ftiynuqj yuwk dejv. Fkofm wa pimo veto bae yotoq’w duwwoq db iqbwkuqj xoqapaev. Wkiw’v inn wko wupo yo kixo.”

“Ejk…”

She made a fuss, but there was no real tension. She must have thought a bug had bitten her. Curvy chided Leader who tearfully muttered something under her breath and bent over.

She spread her legs to shoulder width, bent over, and looked down toward her own crotch.

But now was not the time to be impressed by the forest denizen’s flexibility.

(Ah, ahhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?)

This was not just a glimpse. Klaus got a good look at everything. And from a low angle. But there was no way he could have avoided it since pumpkins can’t move! The view he got this time made him even more hesitant to include these observations in his paper.

Even if it had been a split-second decision, he had chosen a poor location to poke her.

The tearful silver ponytail woman bent her finger into a hook and slightly adjusted the position of her thin and sweaty underwear.

Specifically, she pulled it to the side.

(Ahhh, ah, ah, gwaaahhhhhhh!! Slender, Slender, Slender, Slender!!)

Klaus repeated that name in his mind like a magic spell meant to ward off evil.

Except all he did was conjure up the memory of her very slender bathing scene.

That only made things worse. If he had hands, he would have smacked himself on the forehead. He was amazed he wasn’t struck by lightning.

“Ep…u gaq’w voo iqb deprv.”

“'Naam, wkoto ito wotpuwov axot wkoto. Faeng uw kixo dooq aqo ah wkop?”

Termites must have been a constant problem for dark elves. The red gems decorating Curvy’s white leather clothing shook as she reached into her impressive cleavage and pulled out some dried herbs tied together with a string. She took out her water bottle, poured some water onto the broom keychain thing, and then flicked water droplets on the row of termites. Klaus didn’t know what exactly it did, but those powerful pests immediately began writhing in pain. He was pretty sure he had heard that medicines had very different effects on humans and bugs. And the dark elves seemed to know this was what would happen.

The dark elves used poison arrows. They could also develop their own medicines. He could not look down on them just because they didn’t have a formalized magic school. It was possible they had humans beat in knowledge and not just strength.

“Iqbyib, ko uvq’w koto. Now’v fkofm onvoykoto.”

“Dew ykoto faeng ko kixo jaqo? Kuv vfoqw vwarv koto iqg wkoto ito qa haawrtuqwv. Uw uvq’w numo ko ftavvog i tuxot wa yivk iyib kuv vfoqw.”

“Ykiwoxot wtufm ko evog, ko fiq’w kixo jaqo hit.”

Presumably the rest of the termites would die when they reached that same point because the two women turned around and left. Leader would occasionally rub her butt like she could still feel something there.

(Man, that was incredible. Nature is full of new discoveries.)

Klaus sat there in a daze for a while, but the silence chilled him as much as the wind.

He did not dare move for a while even after they had disappeared past the bushes. He knew he was just being paranoid this time, but he was terrified. Yes, she had fallen on her butt. Yes, she had jumped up in a surprisingly cute way when he poked her. Yes, she had slid her underwear aside with her finger. He appreciated all of it, but unfortunately, none of it meant much of anything. It simply meant they hadn’t noticed him there.

What if they decided to turn back for some reason? What if he ran into them later? Once they noticed him, that gentle atmosphere was gone.

Several minutes passed and his sense of time grew so distorted he felt like he had entered another world altogether.

If he stayed silent any longer, he was certain it would break something inside him.

“Phew…”

He sighed and dispelled his camouflage magic. With the illusionary white steam that symbolized human power and civilization, the bench-sized Witch Pumpkin became a skinny boy once more.

He had lost them. He had learned he could fool the dark elves with his magic. He had also learned their butts were wonderfully soft. If he had to compare it to anything, it would be “super sweet custard”.

“Now it’s my turn. The hunter has become the hunted.”

That way, he might just find the elusive dark elf village.

He felt so lonely he grew overly dramatic when he spoke. If he didn’t use this small success to encourage himself, the loneliness would crush him.

“I now know they won’t notice me if I use my camouflage magic. You have some nerve making me fight for my life when you can’t even handle a naughty prank!!”

But something felt wrong. Klaus was not equipped with a sixth sense capable of detecting someone’s presence or killer intent. What felt wrong was the mottled sunlight. One of the shadows cast by a tree branch was abnormally swollen at one point.

He slowly looked up.

A brown girl was perched silently on one of the tree branches forming an arch overhead.

It was his future wife, Slender.

“Kyahhh!? D-did she hear all that!?”

He just about jumped out of his skin while feeling as embarrassed as if he had been overheard humming in the bath, but she remained at absolute zero. She made no move to drop down to the ground.

“No, you’ve got it all wrong! It was like a midnight high! I was so relieved to be alive that I lost control of myself! I don’t normally talk like that, I swear! Please don’t think I’m weird!!”

Speaking to her in human language was meaningless. Which also meant she wouldn’t have understood what he had said earlier either.

Also, she was crouching on the branch and he was looking up at her, so there was very little blocking her underwear from view. Her poor defenses revealed hers were made of red leather. Surprisingly sexy. But he could not just tremble in shock and joy. She looked angry. Her hood was pulled down over her face, but the rabbit-like ear decorations were standing up straight. Very cute.

Again, she wouldn’t have understood anything he had said. However…

…Oh, this is still bad. If she saw me dispel my magic, then she knows I was enjoying Leader’s nice ass!

Just as he had that realization, Slender grabbed the large composite bow she carried over her shoulder, reached for her quiver, and pulled out an arrow that was more perfect than he would have expected for a handmade product.

…I was looking for her. I dreamed of seeing her again.

“Wait…”

She silently pulled the bowstring taut. The icy girl silently exhaled. The sharp arrowhead was made of metal. It even had a barb. How in the world had they made something like that in this forest!?

It was time to flirt with his future wife.

“Wait, wait, wait!! Y-you’re just being shy, right? If you really attack me with that, you’ll lose the title of the only pacifist – or at least nonlethal – dark elf in the forest!! Help me! Someone please explain to my wife that this isn’t a healthy way to express her shyness!!”

If begging wasn’t going to help, then his only option was to run away while zigzagging unpredictably.

No matter how good an archer she was, she would have a hard time keeping a direct line of sight with so many trees in the way. He just had to pray she couldn’t control her arrows with magic. If she had a homing spell, he was well and truly screwed.

Hard leaves and branches scraped at his limbs and cheeks. He forgot all about recently being caught in a beartrap as he ran wildly through the forest, but he eventually noticed something. He came to a stop and looked back while trying to catch his breath. He only heard the rustling of the leaves in the breeze.

Slender was gone.

And…

“Sh-she never did launch an arrow, did she?”

Part 6

Once the relief hit him, so did something else.

A previous problem was back with a vengeance. He staggered and placed a hand on a large tree trunk, but that wasn’t enough to support him and he slid down to a sitting position. He grimaced and held his stomach.

…Damn. It wasn’t enough.

His camouflage magic required a magic derivative. That meant he needed to eat a Witch Pumpkin stem to activate it. But he had only bitten into a Ghost Turnip’s flowers as an imperfect substitute. And when he didn’t have enough of the derivative, his power would run wild inside him and his health would suffer. It felt a lot like dehydration.

…Come to think of it, I’m missing any memory of how I was carried to that clearing after they captured me or how Slender helped me escape that clearing. I’ve been assuming this all happened in one day, but what if slept through an entire night without realizing it?

Most magic came with risks and Camouflize was no exception.

This had never really felt like a threat before. When he had been safely researching in the royal capital, magic derivatives had been readily available. So much so that the mere sight of a pumpkin stem smoothie was enough to make him feel sick.

But things were different here.

“This…is bad.”

His voice was barely audible.

He had slipped down onto his side. He was stuck in that unnatural position.

He could use magic.

But it was far from all powerful.

He could barely move, but his breathing rang irritatingly loud in his ears. He didn’t lack strength – he couldn’t control it. His heart was racing and cold sweat poured down his brow.

…Is there a pumpkin stem nearby? Or any kind of magic derivative?

He could fuel up by eating a magic derivative made from several stems, but it wouldn’t last. He would use it up when he used his camouflage magic, but it would also gradually reduce over time. He would lose any magic derivative he ingested after about 24 hours, but if he wanted to always be ready to use his magic, he preferred to resupply at least twice a day to make sure it never dipped down to zero.

He preferred not to eat more stems than he had to since they weren’t exactly tasty, but if he really wanted to compress as much of the derivative into his body as possible, about five was probably the limit. Any more and it would actually destabilize the power inside him.

But all of that was moot when he was too weak to tear off a hard Witch Pumpkin’s stem.

Ghost Turnip flowers were an imperfect substitute, but he couldn’t even find any of them.

…Am I going to die like this? Not in a trap and not because they hunt me down, but because I used my magic at the wrong time?

Reality was cruel and no one was guaranteed a dramatic death. He hadn’t come anywhere close to infiltrating the dark elf village or escaping the forest. He could never marry his future wife like this. He had always taken a cynical view of the plays he had seen in the royal capital, but he finally understood what the playwrights and directors were thinking. People wanted some drama and emotion when they died, even if they weren’t consciously aware of the desire.

Suddenly, Klaus Knockburn sensed some eyes on him.

This was not the dark elves. These eyes were close enough to the ground that he was on their eye level while lying on his side. He no longer had the strength left to move his head. This thing had been in front of him from the beginning and he had only just now noticed it.

What was that creature tilting its head at him? It was a Palmtop Mouse with its round body and distinctive buck teeth. They were a popular choice at the royal capital’s pet shops. But just like with goldfish, this was his first time seeing one in the wild. Its small front legs held a piece of orange Witch Pumpkin it had found somewhere.

He sensed only fear and death from this forest, but the Palmtop Mouse didn’t seem worried as it walked over to be his friend.

No, it didn’t want to be his friend.

“…”

He realized the truth.

And he realized it too late.

He heard a gnawing sound. He could see his limp hand lying on the ground. His hand had to look huge to the Palmtop Mouse, but it held out its front legs like it was asking for a handshake and picked up one of his fingers.

That was when the gnawing started. He also saw an unnatural red color.

When dealing with markings and camouflage, it was imperative you did not place too much trust in your own eyes. It was a human thing to think of Palmtop Mice as cute. Even they were wild animals that had optimized themselves to avoid danger and acquire food.

Oh, he realized.

He didn’t need to subconsciously reject this thing as a candidate. Out in the wild, everyone searched for food. Even the tiny Palmtop Mouse had survived this long by obtaining food from weaker lifeforms. Of course Klaus would be targeted by other animals when he was on the verge of death. And there was nothing strange about him doing everything he could to survive either. Not one thing.

The Palmtop Mouse had tried to eat him first anyway.

So he would play by the same rules. If the rules said the strong could eat the weak, then he wouldn’t be accepting any complaints.

He clenched his fist with more force than he thought he had left. He felt something being crushed in his hand and heard the rodent’s shrill screech. He must have broken some of its bones. In the royal capital, this animal cruelty would have horrified him, but he did not bat an eye now that he was following the animal’s rules.

He carried it to his mouth.

Yes, if this thing was holding a piece of Witch Pumpkin, then it must have chewed through the thick skin and feasted on the skin and the innards. That meant it would have the contents of the stem inside its body.

Only the human body could break down a magic derivative.

Was it his rotten teacher who had said a pufferfish’s toxin was not created inside the pufferfish? The process was known as bioconcentration. As bugs ate Witch Pumpkins and Ghost Turnips and rodents ate those bugs, the magic derivative would be spread across a wide variety of lifeforms. Klaus only had to take that derivative for himself. Eating the stem directly was guaranteed to work and safer too, but an indirect source was better than nothing.

He may have been concentrating so much on the theory behind it to distract himself from the raw sensations he was experiencing.

He bit through something hard and forced it down his throat. It was awful. It tasted rusty and weirdly bitter. A brush-like mass of hair caught in his throat. He gagged over and over before he got it down his esophagus, but he managed it in the end. Tears spilled from his eyes as he forced himself to swallow with an audible gulp.

He had eaten it.

He smiled weakly afterwards.

Normally, you would skin it first. You would remove the organs and blood and preserve it for a while. When you did eat it, you would wash it well, season it, and cook it. In fact, most people didn’t eat mice even if they did have meat. Even crayfish and snails were more acceptable as gourmet dishes.

But he had eaten it all the same. The blood, organs, bones, and everything else were circulating through his body to give him the strength he needed to move. Only then did the revulsion hit him. He writhed around in disgust, scratching at his throat, but then he noticed the symptoms akin to dehydration were fading. The rodent had indeed contained the magic derivative.

That was why he had the excess strength and willpower needed to roll around on the ground.

“Damn you.”

There were no enemies in this forest. The dark elves and the forest animals were only doing what they always did to stay alive. Klaus was the only one struggling so hard in the unfamiliar forest.

Nevertheless, he had survived.

He felt like he had altered the fate of the world, but he was only curled up and trembling.

“Goddess damn you all. I will survive no matter what happens out here. I’ll survive and escape this forest…ugh, sob.”

He looked like a creepy clown with the popular pet animal’s blood around his mouth. And he cried, forgetting all about the fact that he was still being pursued by the dark elves who had tried to execute him.

No one could hear him.

His sobs simply vanished into the deep forest.

He was so very alone. The royal capital had been overflowing with products and services, but here he had to be self sufficient or he would die. The forest itself was a deadly monster threatening his life.

Part 7

Do whatever it takes to survive, Klaus told himself.

The first thing he did was collect a stick and the earring he could use to write on it.

The metal beartrap was tempting, but in his haste to escape Slender’s bow, he had lost track of where it was. Plus, he didn’t know how to remove the stake and chain attaching it to the ground.

…Don’t get greedy. I need to find a small stone, a thorny plant, or anything else I can use as a weapon.

He spotted a stone nearby. It was about right for holding in the hand. He could attach it to the end of a thick branch as a makeshift hammer, or he could throw it as a projectile. He doubted that would accomplish much against an actual hunting bow, but he needed something to feel less helpless or he couldn’t keep going.

“…?”

Once he picked it up, he noticed the stone was oddly smooth. All the corners had been rounded down, like it had come from a riverbed.

That was strange for something found on the damp dirt of the forest.

Didn’t I avoid some round stones before I triggered the beartrap? He ran his finger over the branch he used to take notes to confirm and then returned to where he had found the round stone. It formed the third corner of an equilateral triangle.

“There’s more to this,” he said, gulping and crouching down to take a closer look. He poked gently at the ground with his note-taking stick.

He found something solid in the grass. He carefully parted the grass and found two round rocks partially buried in the ground. Those had to be a hunting trap. If you unwittingly stepped between them, their position would shift and they would crush your foot down to the bone.

“These are a sign. A dark elf sign!!”

This told him more as well. The dark elves obviously wanted to avoid being caught in their own traps. They also had to avoid getting lost in the forest and they wanted to share information on unstable cliffs or caves. So they had a sign they used to warn their own of danger without human outsiders noticing.

There had to be more than just the three round stones. The dark elves managed this forest, so they would have signs for things other than warning about traps. They likely used other tools for those signs and they would all be designed so an amateur wouldn’t even notice them.

…I need to find the artificial things that don’t belong in nature.

It could be a pile of dried leaves brought in from elsewhere or red clay that didn’t match the dark soil on the ground. It could be small marks on the tree trunks or poisonous fruits that no animals touched. He just had to find anything that didn’t belong.

Once he could read their sighs, he could travel safely. He still had to be careful since he was more likely to encounter a dark elf in the areas they had marked as safe, but whether he wanted to use those safe areas or avoid them, knowing where they were was far better than wandering without anything to guide him. They might even have signs to mark the human road or the exit from the forest. Of course, those would be marked as dangerous by the dark elves who lived in the Forest of No Return.

Would he search out the animal paths leading to the dark elf village?

Or would he search out the stone-paved road used by humans?

Either way, he would have more options to choose from once he knew the safe route through the forest. Then he could be the one to launch an arrow at Slender – the arrow of love.

“Camouflize.”

He gulped. The forest seemed to stretch on forever and he was surrounded by the damp wilderness where the sunlight couldn’t reach. But he still felt the world open up before his eyes.

“If I’m going to camouflage myself, I need to observe that lifeform first. That way I know what they look like, how they live, and any idiosyncrasies of their behavior. But that’s what I always do, so there’s nothing to worry about. I won’t be risking my life right away. I just have to continue observing them like I always do.”

There were no beautiful dark elves around at the moment. He was alone and had only one path forward, but he could sense their presence in the forest around him. He could not afford to overlook it. He had to find the small signs hidden there and use them to walk freely through this deep forest of death and terror.

Part 8

Three round stones arranged in an equilateral triangle warned of a trap.

Two sticks arranged like a lowercase “y” warned of an easy-to-miss animal path. He had been forced to try both options to check (and nearly died when some thick bushes got in the way), but the longer stick indicated the correct path.

An empty bird’s nest woven from a thorny plant…he wasn’t confident on this one, but he guessed that indicated an animal’s hunting ground. That guess was based on the fur and droppings he had found there.

The bright ribbons tied around tree branches at eye level were decoys meant to distract crafty humans, so he had to watch out for those. There was a good chance of a trap nearby.

While writing all this on the side of a handy stick, Klaus was forced to frown.

…Should I have devised a way to indicate direction first?

He looked up at the sun shining through the branches. He had heard plenty of rumors related to the rings in a tree stump or the side of a tree with moss growing on it, but how did those methods actually work? He needed to know the direction before he could draw a map.

This “conversation” with the dark elves continued. That was only his personal interpretation to help fight the loneliness and they might not be happy if they heard him put it that way, but he had to absorb as much information as he could.

He could not expect everything right away, so he gave up on the direction and focused on the figuring out the signs.

“Does this indicate a patch of herbs?” groaned Klaus.

He found another new sign. He had no idea where they had gotten it, but a crab shell smaller than his palm had been half-buried in the ground. The sign here was the scent, not the color or shape.

This area was clearly being maintained. Garden may have been a better word than patch. There was a small clearing in the forest, allowing the sun to shine through. Lots of small, bright fruits similar to berries were growing there. Since they were not Witch Pumpkins or Ghost Turnips, they did not contain the magic derivative he needed for his camouflage magic. But he did have his ordinary hunger and thirst to deal with. What if he gathered these up and ate them? He gulped since he was currently more bothered by thirst than hunger, but he quickly shook his head. Something felt wrong. He took another careful look around.

…These fruits are growing at hip height, so why hasn’t a single one been gnawed on?

He had nearly been eaten by termites and a Palmtop Mouse just from lying on the ground.

He recalled the dark elves’ poison arrows and the herbal insecticide Curvy had used against the termites. The forest might look calm, but it was actually teeming with life. This garden was unnaturally clean, which scared him. It would be best to avoid eating anything he didn’t recognize.

…Or if I have extra, I can place whatever food I’ve found on the ground and watch to see if any other animals eat it.

He recalled the collection an eccentric collector in the royal capital had opened to the public in their mansion’s garden. The eucalyptus eaten by koalas was poisonous and hyenas preferred to eat rotten meat. Animals were different enough that seeing one eating a food was no guarantee, but it had to be better than nothing.

And…

“?”

Klaus crouched down low. He had heard something he had heard countless times in the royal capital and the maintained human roads: horse hooves. But that made no sense. Whatever picture books and fairy tales might say, wild horses did not live in the forest. Horses were cowardly herbivores, so they preferred the open fields where they could see clearly and use their speed to escape. They would avoid the hilly forests where visibility was poor. And the dark elves did not use them. How could they when they would never come across any? So what was this?

After some more thought, he gasped. If no horses should be here, there was only one answer. A human was riding the horse and guiding it with reins. The human road had to be nearby!

He suddenly realized that his standards of what was natural and unnatural and what was comforting or concerning had shifted from those of humans to those of the wild animals. He just about laughed out loud. He had no idea what day it was since he had passed out twice, but he doubted it had been more than one full day. If he had gone longer than that without anything to eat or drink, he would have died before coming to again. He had let the forest reshape his thoughts an awful lot for such a short time.

He stuck his note-taking stick in his belt so he wouldn’t drop it and placed the earring in his pocket.

“H-hey. Heyyy!”

He waved his hands and walked from the garden and through the bushes. He had not spoken to anyone in a while, so his voice was scratchy. At some point, he had grown so accustomed to being alone that he had begun to forget how to talk to other people.

But he still forced his way through the bushes.

And he collapsed on the other side.

The ground felt unusually hard. This was not the exposed dirt or the grass. It was somewhat uneven thanks to the roots lifting it up, but this was the stone pavement of a human road. That was enough to loosen his tear ducts. He very nearly kissed the pavement in his joy at discovering human civilization again.

“Help!”

“Ahh!?”

Someone shouted and tugged on the horse’s reins. With an upset whinny, the two muscular front legs of a warhorse wandered through the air.

Klaus had not looked in a mirror, but he could guess he looked horrific.

The thought occurred to him through his exhaustion and thirst, but it was too late to make himself presentable now.

The person riding the horse was…a surprise. The blond boy in lightweight armor designed for mountain travel had a baby face. He may have been younger than Klaus was. He probably wasn’t an actual knight.

“Wh-wh-wh-wh-who are you!? I nearly ran you over!!”

“Court Ma…Academy…Klaus Kno…burn…studying magical biology and came to this forest with Court Scientist Reika Kickpleats.”

His voice drifted in and out, but the knight(?) boy’s expression stiffened. He calmed his horse and descended from the saddle.

“You are from the Professor Kickpleats’s research team!? The jurisdiction differs, but I am in charge of defending the Hardjuicer Research Team. I am the honorable Sir Rainbook…’s page.”

…He’s heard of Professor Kickpleats, huh? I don’t even want to know what kind of dishonorable stories are out there about that rotten freak of a teacher. Come to think of it, don’t researchers normally request professional guards? If that freak wasn’t so cheap, maybe none of this would have happened to me.

But he couldn’t complain too much about that missing teacher. The dark elves had taken his student ID, so he had her reputation to thank here.

He had to report accurately on what had happened.

“Reika and I got separated and I don’t know where she is. I just managed to escape from a dark elf village. I was nearly executed in some strange ritual and they’re still trying to hunt me down.”

“Sounds like you had a rough time of it. You can join us, so don’t worry. We have plenty of resources.”

That offer seemed to drive a small thorn into Klaus’s heart.

He only had one chance with each forest. If he left the forest now, he would never be able to find the dark elf village. That meant he could never meet Slender again.

He was honestly impressed he still had it in him to be more worried about that than his life.

“I have no way of knowing if you are telling the truth or not, but one look at you is enough to know you are worn out enough for it to be true. People cannot harm themselves to that extent even if it will lend credence to a lie. For now, you can have something hot to eat and get some rest. Um…”

“It’s Klaus. Klaus Knockburn. And you?”

“The honorable Sir Rainbook’s-”

“Not that. Your name.”

Did he add “the honorable” every single time? It gave Klaus some secondhand embarrassment, but he never had understood how noble society worked.

“My apologies. My name is Loinbelt. I am still a page studying under the honorable Sir Rainbook, so I have no family name to give. I am simply Loinbelt.”

The horse’s saddle was decorated with what looked like a noble coat of arms, but Klaus didn’t know how to interpret it. He had never heard of Loinbelt or this Sir Rainbook (which might be rude for a commoner like him). But since the boy had accepted him without demanding to see his student ID, it would be unfair to ask any further questions. Loinbelt urged him to ride the horse since he was clearly exhausted, but Klaus declined. He had ridden horse-drawn wagons, but never a horse itself. If he tried it now, while half dead, he was pretty sure he would be thrown right off.

The babyface knight’s page, who had either a rapier or short sword at his hip, stayed off the horse and walked alongside Klaus. While pulling the swift horse’s reins along with him.

“Are you sure about this? I mean, I’m glad you’re helping me, but you must have been sent out as a messenger or something to be out on the road alone, right?”

“Ta ha ha. I’m ashamed to admit I failed to put out the campfire correctly. I was told not to return until I had buried and put out all the embers. Fortunately, that allowed me to come across you in your time of need.”

He seemed very sincere for his young age. None of the haughtiness Klaus associated with nobles and knights.

“Also, you mentioned a few other names.”

“You mean the honorable Sir Rainbook!?”

“No, um, I was more interested in the Hardjuicer Research Team you said you were guarding.”

Klaus had no intention of leaving the forest, but there was something he had to do.

Meanwhile, the young warrior was clearly disappointed. Had he wanted to talk about the knight he served? (The Sir Family Name form of address suggested a high-ranking noble.) The blond boy was pouting his lips a little.

“Yes. He is an authority on dark elves and magical biology in general. Hmm, I think he said he was going bug-catching in the forest himself because he failed to receive the cooperation of a bio-collector in the capital.”

…That tracks.

Klaus Knockburn breathed a heavy sigh in his thoughts. The capital’s school was a big place. He had never met the old man, but if the rumors were true, then he was even more of a freak than Court Scientist Reika Kickpleats. It was unclear why noble knights were working for a commoner scientist, but since he never got in trouble for his eccentric behavior, he had to be fairly skilled (or have some blackmail material on someone in the capital’s leadership). So he might be just as good, or even better than, that rotten teacher.

As they approached the camp, Klaus saw a small clearing in the forest. Several large tents had been set up there. And it was all very noisy.

Boys and girls with similar lightweight armor and warhorses called over to Loinbelt. Did the still-unseen Sir Rainbook have more than one page?

“Hey, why are you taking a leisurely walk!? We’re already about to head out!!”

“Did something happen?”

“Our mission is to collect samples. The shy dark elves have finally shown themselves and Professor Dissection is a little too excited about it. As in, he’s literally got a boner. It’s creepy!!”

The eccentric’s nickname had apparently spread beyond the school.

Klaus Knockburn grimaced.

He felt a thorn in his heart.

All he wanted to do was get to know Slender better. By which he meant marry her.

He still didn’t know why the dark elves were hunting him and trying to burn him at the stake. Could Slender be their princess and he had interrupted some kind of purification ritual? That made it all sound kind of adorable. It pushed away the fear and hatred. And if she really was a princess, then she was might be too perfect.

Of course, he knew that his silly fantasies didn’t change the fact that they were trying to kill him.

Still.

Imagining what they would look like on the dissection table had been a mistake. He clenched his back teeth, dug his boots into the dirt, and could not help but open his mouth. If they were going to answer for their crimes, it had to be in a way he could accept. For example, having all those beautiful women gather around him and let him rest in their lap for about a week. Then he could probably forgive them with a smile. No, he definitely could.

He was the victim and he didn’t want them dissected. He hadn’t asked for this intervention. This was between him and his future wife.

“Excuse me. By Court Scientist Hardjuicer, do you mean Kyle Hardjuicer?”

“Huh? Who’s this filthy kid?”

“Please let me see him. I’m from the academy too. Just a student, though.”

They must have been in a hurry because they appeared to be leaving without folding up the large tents. Klaus found a man in his sixties inside one of the tents. Even this deep in the forest, he wore the kind of white coat only seen in the capital’s labs. He wore an outdoor cape over the shoulders of the filthy coat.

“You?” They had never met, but the eccentric managed to guess his identity while looking up from the parchment document he was reading with a monocle. “Oh, are you Reika’s #1 student? Not one for first impressions, are you? You reek of sweat and filth. Blood too. Is that part of your fieldwork?”

“You know who I am?”

It was just like “Professor Dissection” to be reminded of outdoor research by the smell of blood. But Klaus had half expected to be kicked out immediately, so this was a surprise.

He could not read Kyle’s expression. He could see it. The man was looking straight at him, but he sensed as little emotion as he would staring into the eye of a fish he had just caught.

“You are the one and only student who chose to take your elective lessons from Reika of all people. Word of something like that gets around. I wish my own students had that kind of perseverance.”

Why didn’t that sound like a compliment? His only value was in his proximity to his rotten teacher and his only positive trait was his perseverance instead of his intelligence or memory. He could easily imagine his teacher excitedly telling the other teachers she had found a lively masochist to torment.

“I heard you traveled to the forest yourself because you could not get a collector’s permission.”

“Indeed.”

“Are you really going to do this?”

“Indeed. Why even bring it up?” Professor Dissection failed to notice Klaus’s tone of disapproval. His wrinkled finger toyed with the edge of the parchment document in front of him. “I came here for Brashgain’s bones and byproducts, but I am willing to shift focus if something in greater demand falls into my lap. I am ashamed to admit it to a student, but an eccentric like me needs to produce results on a regular basis to remind people why they keep me around. Little is known about how dark elves live for how well-known they are. They are like living fossils. They would be perfect to convince my patrons of my worth.”

“Sorry if I’m being dumb, but you would do that even to a dark elf?”

“Why wouldn’t I? They seem like the perfect candidate to me.”

“But they can speak of love just like humans can.”

“We can’t know that until we actually dissect them.”

The eccentric’s eccentricities reared their ugly head.

He was saying this about all of the dark elves, even Klaus’s future wife, Slender.

“The best way to determine if an animal is an herbivore or a carnivore is to check the length and contents of its intestines. If you see it for yourself, you can know for sure.”

Only because they had longer ears, were a different species, and had an unfamiliar language and culture.

“A dark elf cannot contain so much power inside such a skinny body. That means they must have something that amplifies the magic they use, but where exactly in their body is it located? It couldn’t be in their stomach, so my guess is either the chest or the butt, but what do you think? Not that our guesses matter when we will know for sure once I slice one open for myself.”

“I would expect this kind of talk during the Age of Navel Conquest when our people set sail and drew up a map of the world, but we’ve grown since then. The capital has even invited an elf priestess as a guest in the royal court. You can’t seriously think like this, can you!?”

“Oh, how I wish I could do it to her as well, but my requests keep getting rejected for some unfathomable reason. And just as I was losing heart, a new dark elf sighting comes in. Perfect timing, if you ask me.”

…He’s even worse than I thought.

Magical biology was only a separate field because humans had decided these were “fantasy” creatures. They were still living beings just like humans. Professor Dissection wasn’t interested in Klaus. If he simply held his tongue, the man was no threat to him. On the other hand, the dark elves had tried to burn him alive as part of some horrific ritual. Yet he found himself taking the dark elves’ side here.

They were still better than this man.

You could tell an herbivore from a carnivore simply by observing them from afar for two or three days. Anyone could find the answer if they checked the footprints and chewed remains of plants they left behind. But he didn’t do that. And not because he wanted to avoid doing so much work. He never even considered any option but this one. It was the only thing he trusted.

Kyle Hardjuicer reached for his belt and grabbed a pocket watch that looked terribly out of place in the forest.

“It is time.”

“Please wait! I’m not done!!”

“We can continue once I get back. Oh, and I do not doubt you are who you say you are. In fact, I welcome you. I will freely share my results with you. I would very much like to hear some fresh stories from the Kickpleats lab, so how about we continue our chat while you watch me work tonight?”

Klaus had not had goose bumps like this even when he thought he was going to be a meal for termites or a Palmtop Mouse.

This human was something else entirely. He realized now that humans were the most frightening creature of all. This man did not hate the dark elves, nor did he want their gold or gems. He was going to slice open someone’s body out of habit and custom.

Of course, struggling here was not going to solve anything. Klaus could not shoot fire or lightning from his hand. His only magic was camouflage. He was alone with the frail old man now, but there were dozens of real knights, expert warriors, waiting outside the tent.

He knew he stood no chance.

So he squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his teeth, and felt a weight in his gut as he got out a groaning voice.

“Professor.”

“Yes?”

“I freely admit my teacher is as much of a rotten freak as the rumors say. She is the absolute worst from the moment she wakes up in the morning to the moment she goes to sleep at night. I may be the only person left who can stand being around that undisciplined court scientist.”

He thought of Slender who had opted to speak with him over screaming when he had seen her bathing. He thought of the girl who had reached out a helping hand when he was being burned at the stake for some kind of rule he didn’t understand.

Was he supposed to abandon her now?

Was he supposed to hold his tongue while she was placed on the vivisection table, had her gut cut open, and her organs removed one by one? Just because her ears were longer, she spoke another language, and she belonged to another species?

Klaus Knockburn opened his eyes wide and touched the handle of a ceramic pot. He tightly grabbed that blunt object heavy with its liquid contents.

“But not even I can stand you.”

“…”

“Professor, there’s no love in what you do.”

Part 9

It ended exactly how he had expected.

The heavy ceramic pot was shattered on the floor and Klaus was sprawled out on the ground, unable to move.

His hands were tied behind his back and his face pressed against the floor with the old man looking down at him and casually waving a hand.

“No, no. Kill him here and Reika will have my head when she finds out.”

Kyle Hardjuicer was unscathed and surrounded by knights wielding the daggers meant to finish off an injured opponent.

And that included Loinbelt, the baby-faced page who had helped the redhead boy earlier.

“It’s a real shame. Not that I was hoping to make you my elective student at this point. You are already spoken for. My only real option is to write a dissection book that can convey the accurate information to far more people. And to acquire the necessary details, I must first take a look inside those creatures.”

Professor Dissection exited the tent with the knights, leaving Klaus alone.

“Dammit.”

Klaus squirmed and awkwardly untied the ropes binding his wrists behind him.

He had nearly been burned at the stake when the dark elves tied him up, so rope escape methods had already been on his mind. Admittedly, he had only come up with the extremely simple method of getting his sleeves caught in the rope meant to bind his wrists. The trick to escaping ropes was to create a gap. Once he pulled his sleeves out from the rope, he had some wiggle room between his wrists and the rope.

Since they weren’t weapons, his stick and earring were left out on the table. That collection of his experiences was almost as valuable to him as his life. Only his wife was more valuable than his life.

However, when he tried to get up, he wobbled and fell flat on the ground again.

He had escaped the rope, but he was still weak.

This was the hunger and thirst brought on by extreme physical exhaustion. He had obtained some magic derivative from the Palmtop Mouse, but his ordinary stamina was still an issue. And it wasn’t like he could chase after them and stop them by force. Through some kind of trickery, that old man had managed to get the knights on his side even though he was a commoner and an eccentric. Those military experts would work together to swiftly suppress a skinny guy like him well before he could cause Kyle any harm.

…I could use my camouflage power to turn into a large animal…no, that wouldn’t work. Changing form wouldn’t bring back my strength and there must be plenty of preserved food here since they left all their supplies behind…oh, but an animal can’t defeat spears and bows and those are powerful military weapons, not just hunting ones.

“So…”

He felt hunger, thirst, pain, and suffering. He could not win this just by indirectly taking the magic derivative built up in a Palmtop Mouse through bioconcentration. No one would blame him if he just passed out here on the floor. That was the ordinary reaction for a living being.

But.

Even so.

“Do you think I’m going to give up on my wife just because I can’t win?”

He clenched his teeth and forced himself up from the ground again.

He walked unsteadily out of the tent.

He heard the neighing and hoofbeats of warhorses, which sounded so out of place deep in the forest.

A few of them had twisted their ankles on the rocks, Witch Pumpkins, or tree roots and a few more had been caught in beartraps or other traps, but that was not enough to defeat trained knights.

The dark elves, the rulers of this forest, were on the run.

Even though they had caused Klaus so much fear.

“Iqb xaneqwootv, jiwkot itaeqg!! Yo yunn ifw iv i guxotvuaq! Yo yunn gtiy wkop iyib db rtowoqguqj wa hnoo!!”

“Uw riuqv po, dew wkob iwwifmog ev hutvw iqg yo fiqqaw now wkop nafiwo wko xunnijo. Fapo yuwk po uh bae ito rtoritog wa gutwb baet kiqgv!!”

Leader and Curvy, the hunters who had used their silence as a weapon, were now raising their voices. Perhaps that was a sign of how worked up they were, but straying from their usual ways made it sound to Klaus like they were losing.

He seriously doubted their village was in this area.

They would never place their secret village right alongside the human road. Had they been on their way to that garden, or just on a walk? Whatever the case, they must have been unlucky enough to run across the human expedition.

“…”

Klaus kept his eyes peeled for the trap signs as he took up position on a small hill.

A thought occurred to him. He could not let Professor Dissection get away with this. He would save the dark elves from that bastard who felt the need to cut open everything he came across. But when you got down to it, how was Klaus any different? His methods were different, but he still wasn’t on the dark elves’ side. He didn’t know their language or their customs. Anything he did would only be the self-righteous actions of a human outsider.

Just then…

“Qyik!? Ykiw, ykiw uv wko poiquqj ah wkuv!?”

“Uw’v inn tujkw. Fapo wkuv yib.”

Any kind of activity stood out this deep in the forest, yet someone had chosen to do more than necessary. And it caused quite a reaction. A dark elf calmly pulled on a small hand. She had long, silver hair and brown skin and she looked to be 15 or 16. She wore a white-bleached vest and a blue tight skirt, so she had to be one of the hunters.

And an earring glittered on just one of her ears.

This was Slender. The attacks were concentrated on her of all people.

The one speaking loudly and being pulled along by her appeared to be Little Girl who had been hiding behind her mother’s back in the clearing. What had happened to her mother? Klaus frowned as he watched that small girl in a dress tripping and falling in the mud over and over and as she sobbed and was forced to run away. Slender could not abandon her, so she would rub the sobbing child on the back and get her running again. The boy gritted his teeth when he saw it. He knew the emotion throbbing in his chest.

…Go to hell.

He felt burning fury. He felt the same unbearable anger he would have felt if he saw a human child surrounded and brought to tears by a group of fully grown adults.

…I’m going to marry Slender. Nothing can change that now. But what about the wedding? I can’t have the bride’s side of the guests be entirely empty because of some old geezer’s twisted ideas about science.

He had felt definite fear and confusion when he was nearly burned alive by the dark elves, caught by the beartrap, nearly fell off the cliff, and nearly eaten by termites, but this was the first time he felt his heart burning with such obvious rage.

As a scientist in training, he chose a solid stance against this kind of unreasonable and abominable treatment.

“That’s enough,” he muttered under his breath.

The situation was only going to get worse. The rules he had always lived by did not apply here in the Forest of No Return. He was unarmed and alone while Kyle’s knights and the dark elf village clashed. If he assisted Professor Dissection, the dark elves would be his only enemy, but the dark elves would not take his side even if he assisted them. If he did that, he would have both sides as his enemy. If he let his emotions take over and made a rash decision, he was unlikely to return alive.

But.

He squeezed the earring in his hand.

…What did Slender do when they were burning me at the stake? Do you think she considered who would take her side and how she would benefit when she chose to save me?

If a dark elf could make that kind of decision, then surely a human could too.

“I don’t care if I’m just being self-righteous,” he said more strongly.

He was through wracking his brains to find some kind of excuse for his actions.

He didn’t know the dark elves’ language or customs, but he might be able to dry Little Girl’s tears while she searched for her mother and he might be able to prevent Slender from being dissected after refusing to let go of that small hand.

The dark elves scared him.

But he wanted to invite them to his wedding with his lovely bride.

If he wanted Slender to fall for him, that was the kind of human he had to be!!

“I won’t let this self-righteousness go to waste.”

Part 10

Klaus slid down the slope.

He charged onto the life-size game board while keeping the locations of the dark elf girl and the warhorses in his head so as not to lose track of them.

First, he reviewed the battle conditions. He had chosen to save Slender. He would do so no matter what. But that good will was one-way and he doubted the dark elves would reciprocate. If he stood in the knights’ way, Slender might even shoot him in the back with an arrow.

…I still don’t know why she disobeyed her village to save me, so I can’t let my guard down. I can’t speak with her, so she might think the human she saved on a whim returned the favor by calling a bunch of his friends to attack.

He could not expect her thanks.

But he had not chosen to save her to demand anything in return.

And…

…I would have a hard time fighting directly against the knights. They’re combat experts. Even more so than martial artists. An amateur can’t accomplish anything by challenging them.

The only card in his deck was the Camouflize magic.

He could also tell he was woozy. He had a bad headache similar to a dehydration symptom. That meant he had very little magic derivative left after charging out here without grabbing any supplies.

…I can only use my magic once. And even if it does work, I’ll have zero stem left in me, so I’ll pass out.

“That means my goal can’t be defeating the knights. No one could do that. I need to sow enough confusion for the dark elves to escape!!”

He could not rely on the idea that he could defeat a whole group of humans by camouflaging himself as a large magical creature like a dragon or griffin. These knights could slay one of those and move on. That was what it meant to be experts in the field of combat. It was wrong to assume they could be defeated as long as you were clever enough. He would die as soon as he tried to challenge them in their field of expertise.

The dark elf girl was not going to last long while helping sobbing Little Girl escape.

Professor Dissection’s objective was to take her alive and dissect her. That was why Loinbelt (who Klaus hoped was questioning his actions here) and the others were going easy on her as they pursued her, but there were no guarantees. If one of those 500kg warhorses reached her, she would be crushed. She would be killed just like the traffic accidents between a runaway horse and a pedestrian that he had occasionally seen in the royal capital.

…I’ll show you a surprise before you can lay a finger on my wife. I swear it.

What would he transform into?

When and where would he use it?

“Of the three traits, I choose mercury. Mammal, perissodactyl, equid, kingdom, gone feral after domestication, an animal with no original. I have grasped thy nature like counting the corners of a polygon or star. The polygon emanates and the star gathers – together they symbolize the control of power. By knowing thee, I become one with thee.”

He recited the incantation while he ran. He worked to understand what it was he wished to become.

He couldn’t reach a full understanding. That would be as endless a task as painting the grains of sand on the beach or the stars in the sky by adding each individual dot to the canvas. So he selected a few aspects of the whole and filled in the gaps with his imagination to guide him. As long as he got that right, he could create a very realistic scene, like an oil painting that intentionally omitted information.

With that set, he only had to raise his voice.

He drew a square magic circle on the ground and stepped inside. So he could grasp the three traits through the four elements and connect heaven to earth.

He had magic and now was the time to use it. Once he knew that, he had to act immediately!!

“Camouflize Decoration – now I am thee!!”

With an almost comical-looking blast of steam, Klaus Knockburn gained an entirely different body. But the distortion to his vision was not because the position of his eyes had changed.

(Cough, cough. Ugh, I’m so dizzy! I really am going to pass out like this!!)

He clenched his teeth, but he grinned on the inside. Of course he did. This was 100 times better than letting that girl die. Once he knew where he stood, all his hesitation vanished. He couldn’t understand her language and he couldn’t ask her how she felt, but he felt confident she would do the same in his position.

Now that he was on Slender’s side and viewing the world from her viewpoint, the world seemed to open up around him.

He had an entirely different body now, so he could appear in front of the dark elf and the knights without them knowing it was him.

“Wha-!?”

If they collided, it would mean a legit traffic accident, so he had known Page Loinbelt would immediately pull on the reins and stop his horse. Just like on the road earlier.

From up close, he noticed doubt and guilt on Loinbelt’s face. There was even a touch of relief when he was forced to unexpectedly stop. Geez, what an honest knight.

(Yeah, you would never agree with this, would you? You instinctively risked falling off your horse to protect a stranger. If that’s the kind of knight you hope to be, then you must hate being ordered to work as a group to chase after someone much weaker than you and take them prisoner, right!?)

There were times when you had to obey even if you didn’t want to.

Klaus himself had briefly hesitated because trying to directly stop Professor Dissection would only get him killed by the knights. So he wasn’t going to blame Loinbelt. He had no right.

(So I’ll stop you. If you’re silly sense of knightly duty prevents you from disobeying an order, then I’ll stop you instead! That’s my way of repaying you for saving me!!)

Now, what exactly had Klaus Knockburn Camouflized into?

And why had Loinbelt felt the need to pull on the reins while riding atop a 500kg warhorse?

Because Klaus was a mare.

And not just any mare. He was one any male horse would find irresistibly attractive.

“Kh…stop, swift and honorable Vainbux! I said stop!”

Loinbelt tried his best to stop the horse, but it was too late.

Klaus could not create a camouflaged form out of nothing, so he had based it on the warhorses he could see. They were all powerful males, but the observations for his camouflage magic only determined the species, such as horse or cattle. If he were camouflaging himself as a dalmatian, for example, he could adjust everything other than the species to his liking: coat, markings, sex, age, etc.

He would choose one of three traits to focus on when casting his magic. Salt meant leaving everything the same as the original, sulfur meant prioritizing the male side, and mercury meant prioritizing the female side.

(Hm, will this do the trick?)

He did not know how horses behaved and anyone who did may have thought this horse was acting very strangely indeed, but shaking his butt in front of the many warhorses had a dramatic effect. The knights lost all control like they were now riding racehorses injected full of banned drugs.

And Klaus made sure to continue his observations as a scientist.

(Whew, impressive. That one certainly lives up to the “hung like a horse” saying. Warhorses are normally castrated for better control, but maybe the idea is to sell them off as studs after they retire. Are the regulations looser with a second-class horse given to a page?)

Loinbelt did fairly well, but his Vainbux (who the baby-faced page insisted on praising as much as his knight) was not the only warhorse here.

Klaus heard more and more whinnies which were even more frightening than the sounds of a steam engine. Some knights were tossed about, some clung on for dear life, and others were thrown clear. It was a complete disaster. With the front row of horses out of control, the shock and panic spread as a chain reaction.

Alchemists had developed a form of explosive powder. that would make a loud noise when ignited, so it was sometimes thrown out onto the battlefield to confuse the trained warhorses.

(I’ve got them!!)

He felt like he was out fishing and he felt the imaginary tug of a solid bite. He had no actual numbers or signs to go by, but he knew he could allow Slender and Little Girl to escape now.

However.

(Wait. Distracting them is all well and good, but what do I do now?)

He hadn’t thought this through.

A chill ran down his spine(?).

He hesitantly looked back to find the muscular machos of the horse world breathing heavily and leering at his mare ass. He rapidly grew embarrassed by his own actions here. But try as he might, he could not shake their attention. The horse language was an even greater mystery than the dark elf language, but the looks in their beady eyes could not have been clearer.

How kind of you to offer, you charming young lady.

I hope you’re ready to be shared by all of us until dawn☆

(Ah, ahhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?)

Taking a quick look back at the dark elf girl before thoughtlessly charging into the nearby bushes may have been a mistake. The many warhorses rushed after their prey, despite being herbivores who normally peacefully ate the grass.

“Bae?”

He thought he heard Slender’s voice while she sat flat on the ground with her arms around Little Girl’s shoulders from behind.

Come to think of it, hadn’t she seen his camouflage magic back when he was being crushed below Leader’s ass as a Witch Pumpkin?

Part 11

The dizziness had grown far worse and he couldn’t control his perspiration. He really thought he was going to die this time.

He had been down to his last stem, so he was never going to last long after using Camouflize.

“Whoa!?”

He frantically uncamouflaged in a blast of white steam and rolled behind a mossy rock. The thundering hooves of the heavyweight warhorses raced past. He came dangerously close to losing his virginity out in the open woods before he could lose it on his wedding night. The horses would have gathered around him and spent all night making sure he was very well acquainted with those monstrous things hanging between their legs.

“I-I never could have called my rotten teacher a pervert again if that happened.”

He sat on the ground and tried to wipe the sweat from his brow, but he found he couldn’t raise his arm.

His was down to zero Witch Pumpkin stems. With the magic derivative deficiency set in, he really was approaching death. He had the severe headache of a dehydration symptom as well as powerful nausea. He could no longer accomplish something so simple. He clenched his teeth, but the dizziness would not go away. He had finally hit his limit. Even he could tell the unpleasantly warm sweat on his brow was rapidly cooling.

…They…got away, right?

His thoughts turned to the girl who looked around 15 or 16. But a dark elf’s age did not necessarily match their appearance, so she may have been a 3000-year-old granny for all he knew.

He rested his back against the large rock and worked his woozy head. None of this was worth it if she had been captured by Professor Dissection. He wanted her to be happy. She didn’t owe him anything for saving her, but he still wanted her to take care of herself after he risked his life to repay her. After all, he doubted he was going to live long enough to see her again.

…Oh, I forgot to return her earring.

With that thought on his mind, he started to shut his eyes in resignation.

But then it happened.

He saw something transparent.

He saw an unbelievable destructive gash.

An unseen mass of great power tore away the leaves of the trees and pierced the air as it followed the course of a flying arrow.

That was Archdragon Magic. Specifically, Charge of the Wyvern.

He could tell it wasn’t aimed at him, but his seated body was still lifted from the ground and thrown several meters. He slammed into a green mossy object that may have been a pillar or a rock.

“Kah!?”

The fearsome destruction reaped lives while traveling with enough confidence to carefully avoid felling any of the trees. Charge of the Wyvern was not the only magic used here. Wings of the Lindwurm sent in a great mass of air that was concentrated down to a single point before exploding in every direction. Levelling of the Drake increased an invisible pressure until it was powerful enough to flatten the target and the mossy terrain around them. Rolling of the Wyrm easily smashed large boulders.

Which side was doing this?

During his time in the Court Magic Academy, Klaus had never heard of a human managing to reproduce Archdragon Magic based on the scraps of information found in the old texts sleeping within the forbidden section of the royal library.

“Eek, eek!”

So the answer was simple. Especially when he heard a voice begging for its life echoing from deeper in the deadly forest.

The wrinkled old voice spoke the human language.

Which meant it was not a dark elf.

“What did I do to deserve this!? Eek, we must reveal the secrets of all forms of life. To create a freer world!! And dissection is necessary to reveal those secrets!! I have done nothing wrong!!”

The owner of the voice was obliterated, reduced to no more than some splattered remains.

His eyes had been as unreadable as a fish’s.

That researcher had been self-centered to the end, so all he left behind was a pathetic plea for his life. It didn’t seem like his words reached anyone. His life was snuffed out with the disturbing sound of something sticky being thrown against the wall. That was the end for a lonely old man who had managed to cling to success for so long despite his eccentric nature.

Yes, the dark elves could think, talk, and take action just like humans.

So of course they could use magic just like humans. In fact, no human knew much about the dark elves’ lifestyle, religious views, or technological level. There was just as little information on the magic they used. So why underestimate them? Wasn’t it possible their magic was even more advanced!?

…Archdragon Magic.

Klaus’s survival instincts told him to continue his observations even on the verge of death. He would not survive through fight or flight if he lacked information. So his instincts were telling him to gather that information to give him whatever chance he could get.

…I doubt they can just use magic like that for no reason. There must be more to this – some kind of core that supports the Archdragon Magic no one else can use!!

His memories seemed to flicker in and out. He did not remember much immediately before or after seeing Slender bathing, or when they had taken him to their village. For example, he knew he had happened across that mountain stream, but he couldn’t remember why he had been walking in that area. Could there be other gaps in his memory? He must have been injured badly enough that he didn’t even notice the gaps until the memories returned to him.

But one of the drawers in his mind suddenly opened.

He had been thrown several meters through the air and slammed into a mossy object that could have been a pillar or a rock. But now he was confident it was neither.

This forest was also known as the Dragon’s Forest.

He had seen giant, pointy white fangs all around when he had stumbled across naked Slender.

And Professor Dissection had originally been here to research Brashgain’s bones.

In other words…

“The dragon was over 10km long and could cover an entire city with his wings spread. 500 years ago, back when the knights still had some righteousness left, the humans managed to band together to slay that great predator.”

Reika Kickpleats’s words replayed in his mind.

This was when she had explained why she was only bringing her tight-lipped #1 student into the forest with her.

“The dark elves are working to resurrect Brashgain. In order to bring flesh back to the great skeleton stretching across the entire forest and to return him to his former glory, they have set up a massive magic circle to absorb power from the land itself. He is a true monster, so recovery magic really can resurrect him from that state. And we humans are so much weaker nowadays, so we won’t last long if this succeeds. We have to put a stop to this but we also must prevent any other humans from seeing it. We face utter destruction, but if enough people panic, we might be brought down without the dragon needing to do a thing.”

He only had one chance to find the dark elf village.

If he gave up and left the forest, he could never attempt it again.

So the boy slowly looked up at the mossy object he was leaning against.

That enormous crescent moon curve was…a rib.

One look through the gaps in the trees and streams was enough to tell that 10km dragon corpse really did cover the entire length of the forest.

His teacher was gone and the knights had just been wiped out. With this distraction dealt with, the dark elves would soon be back to their original work. Deep in the woods where no one could reach them, they would carry out the ceremony necessary to resurrect Brashgain and bring doom to the world.

Why would they do that? One look at Professor Dissection was answer enough. He was a rather extreme example, but he was like a concentrated version of how humans tended to treat magical lifeforms.

Humans saw them as creatures of fantasy. Humans refused to give them equal rights. They could so clearly think and behave just like humans, but humans dodged the burden and responsibility of treating them as equals by labeling them as inferior. But the downtrodden were not going to just sit there and take the abuse forever.

The dark elves had already developed a solid motive for their actions.

Only the humans acted like everything was fine.

“…”

Klaus Knockburn, currently slumped over and unable to move, had made a choice earlier. He had chosen his future wife. He had decided to rescue Slender who was in trouble after refusing to abandon a crying child.

And this was where it had gotten him.

Had he really done the right thing?

In a flash of motion, Klaus grabbed the glossy black beetle starting to crawl on him.

He stuffed it into his mouth and forced it down his throat.

It was likely a forest decomposer that cleaned the forest of insect and animal corpses. You might find something similar if you checked in the garbage can behind a royal capital restaurant.

But he still ate it.

He broke a taboo to live. Was that its legs or antennae that caught in his throat? He didn’t even want to know the source of that bitterness when he bit into its squishy belly. He ignored all that and got it down. He was not enjoying a nice meal for its flavor and texture. When living by the rules of the wild, you couldn’t complain when someone ate you. He had to steel himself to live by those same rules if he hoped to survive out here.

“Ewww. Dammit, why do I have to eat Witch Pumpkin stems of all things?”

But he no longer felt like he had an invisible ring of metal tightened around his forehead. This species of beetle must eat Witch Pumpkins or Ghost Turnips as well, so it acted as an indirect supply.

He could not die yet.

He could not escape to the human village just outside the forest.

In the Forest of No Return, a single step from the road was supposed to leave you stranded, never to escape. All of his assumptions about the human road had just been overturned. The dark elves did not fear the humans. They may have been overlooking the human wagons coming and going, but not anymore. If he tried to stagger his way to safety along the road, he would almost certainly run into an ambush and be blown away by Archdragon Magic along with the stone-paved road itself.

He could not afford to lose his life like that.

If he died, he could not stop the dragon resurrection. Nor could he find Slender again and ask her what was going on.

“Goddess dammit.”

He was moving slower than a snail, but he still got up. No voice answered his curse. The eerie silence of death had once more taken over the deep, damp forest ruled by the dark elves.

He had to do whatever it took to prevent the dark elves from resurrecting Brashgain, the 10km city-sized dragon that viewed humans as his prey. Rotten freak though she was, Reika Kickpleats was a genius, so if she said that would mean the end of humanity, he had to assume those modern knights (She said we’re weaker nowadays, didn’t she?) wouldn’t be enough. This one thing would mean the destruction of every human country and organization out there. That thing would be a living ultimate weapon.

“Who can I rely on?”

He toyed with the earring in his pocket, confirming its presence there.

Slender. In hindsight, it was such a silly name, but changing it now would only confuse his memories and notes. So he carved into his note-taking stick that Slender was his one and only option.

That girl was quickly becoming a special member of the dark elf species. She looked to be 15 or 16 and she was likely one of their bow-wielding hunters.

Was she an enemy or an ally? Should he really have rescued her?

Klaus slapped his hands against his cheeks.

…Don’t hesitate, don’t second-guess yourself, and don’t overturn your assumptions for subjective reasons. Whatever her reasons might be, she still rescued me!

Reality could be cruel and Slender might be part of a village plotting to destroy the world. If he was wrong, he would be ruining his one chance of preventing the dragon’s resurrection. And then the world was doomed.

But he did not change his mind.

He could trust his future wife. And if he trusted her, then he could continue onward with confidence in his step.

If he trusted her, he needed to work toward being the kind of guy she would fall for.

“Time to win this lonely war and find all the answers.”

The only card in his deck was Camouflize.

He didn’t even know where he would find any food to eat, but he had to find a way survive in this dark elf forest.

If he won, it would all work itself out.

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