HanTsuki:Volume 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Our World Has Its End

Rika was a beautiful girl. Her long hair was so straight and lustrous it could be used in shampoo commercials. Her skin was so white as if it came from the country of snow; it was so fine, smooth, and dazzling. The white and black formed so strong a comparison that captivated anyone around her. Even her organs were so fine and well-shaped one would think it was definitely unfair for someone to have such beauty. She was like a Japanese doll, delicate, gentle, and beautiful. But—But! There was a saying that stated our God is fair: there would always be both sides to a coin—though I wouldn’t know if this was a sound explanation for her. Anyway, Rika’s personality was poor and scary. She was so self-centred and capricious, and she didn’t pay any heed to what others said. If something might go against her will, she would cry, growl, and even say something rude or even take it physically. There was only one girl I knew in the world that there would be such huge disparity in her personality and appearance.

“I’m back,” I said with a weary voice, opening the door of the ward.

Laying on the bed, Rika seemed unhappy.

“Why are you so late?” asked she.

On a side note, I went to the public library today for an errand and had just come back. It was deadly cold this morning, and the anchor for the weather forecast asserted as if he made a huge achievement, “Today is the coldest today of this year!” He looked very proud of himself, and there were some snowman dancing around with scarfs for no special reason. In fact, it was so cold I couldn’t bear it. The wind was fierce, striking in my blood and bones the coldness and chilliness. Deep, grey clouds covered the sky. I wore an excessively heavy, thick coat, a scarf, gloves, and journeyed my long road to the public library while holding my defence against the strong wind. Even the tips of my fingers were numb, and my face felt a bit pain, as if it was damaged in the cold weather. In short, I went through a lot of pain this morning. These errands could really stress people out. But at the end, all I got was only a “Why are you so late?” response. I really didn’t get how women think. Rika was so capricious, like she was a queen or something.

“Have you found the book?”

“Yeah.”

I handed the book to her from my pocket. The book was as large as my palm, the cover with adorable rabbits. Lying on her bed, Rika took the book directly.

“What is this?”

Her face slumped instantly, her elegant eyebrows rising at the same time.

I said nervously, “This is the book you asked me to find...Peter Rabbit...”

“This is in fact one of the books in the Peter Rabbit series, but I wanted you to borrow another one.”

“I-Is that so?”

“I want to read the The Tale of Flopsy Bunnies!”

Rika’s voice become more and more stern.

“What you borrow is apparently The Scary and Horrifying Rabbits!”

“But didn’t you say this one would also be fine?”

Rika’s order had many complicated requirements. She asked me to borrow this one, but that one if I couldn’t, and then I would have to borrow another one if I couldn’t borrow this one...these orders were too complicated for me, so I even wrote her orders word by word on a sheet of paper and brought it out with me.

“How did you listen to my orders? That one was the one I said to never borrow!”

“I-Is that so?”

I frantically flipped open my jacket pocket, but I couldn’t find that sheet of paper. Was it on the right side? No. It wasn’t. How about the left side? Perhaps it was in the pocket of my pants. I had gone through almost every pocket in the clothes I was wearing, yet I couldn’t find the sheet of paper. Had I lost it? My, this is too terrible. If I were to tell her this, I would definitely get reprimanded. I lowered my head with a wan face.

“Ah...”

There it was. A crumpled piece of paper fell to my feet’s side. I kneeled down to pick it up. Hahaha. There it was. As I showed a delightful smile, I unfolded the piece of paper. My messy writing was dancing around on that crumpled piece of paper. As what Rika said, I had put an X mark beside The Scary and Horrifying Rabbits. I must have forgotten about the mark when I was picking the book.

“Ha-haha. My, my. Why would I have forgotten the mark?”

I tried to alleviate the tension and squeeze a smile, but it didn’t work out. Rika’s anger was as its verge of explosion.

“You idiot! Can’t you do such simple things? How old are you? You’re not a child anymore!”

Sigh. I had to be scolded anyhow.

“But I’m still seventeen, who could be counted as a child.”

My grotesque protest was instantly frozen under Rika’s gaze.

“S-Sorry,” I scratched my head while apologising.

It was only three days since we first encountered, yet I couldn’t say a thing against this woman already. Once I hear Rika’s orders, I would have to listen to her and obey to her orders. Once she throws a tantrum, I would have to apologise immediately without another word. Even if it wasn’t my fault, I would always lower my head in apology. I had already become her little subordinate. Certainly it was because of the deep, negative effects of our first encounter. I had utterly succumbed to her.

Rika briskly said, “Please borrow the correct book this time.”

“Ah?”

“Again. Please borrow the book I’ve said.”

“Now? I’m just back!”

It was terrible. I was, at the least note, a patient living in the hospital—a patient that would decline visitors a month ago. Even though I was allowed to go out now, I couldn’t really get out and run around like this. This wouldn’t be good for my body. Rest was essential for my sickness to be cured. Nevertheless, Rika just briskly said, “The one who made the mistake is you.”

“It’s very cold today. Besides, if I go out now, the sun would have already set when I come back...”

“What about that then?”

“...”

“I’m asking you: what about that then?”

Rika stared directly at me. The colour of her eyes were so rich and appalling. Looking at those eyes, I would sometimes discover a pool of black water was now incessantly rolling about. Then I would feel if my body was engulfed in those of eyes of Rika’s. After that episode, whenever I was alone, there would be this strange acidulous feeling rushing into my chest. Now, Rika still stares at me with those eyes.

“I know. I’ll go now.”

“If you don’t hurry up, the doors of the library will be closed.”

“I will hurry up a bit and borrow the book.”

With that said, I got out of the ward.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

It was too cold outside. Perhaps it was because of the sun’s departure to the west, the temperature seemed to have dropped down a bit. The wind blowing onto me felt even colder than before. The east side of the sky was also gradually dimming.

“I’m completely devastated by her,” said I, puffing out a breath, which was instantly frozen into white matter. I coiled my scarf around my neck for several times, zipped up my jacket, and started my journey. My whole self felt heavy, perhaps my body condition was bit poor. The next check-up was scheduled a week later, maybe the results would turn out worse. Rika’s eyes appeared in my head. Why would Rika show such eyes?

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

As a result, I didn’t come in time for dinner, so I hadn’t have any dinner that night. As I held my hungry and empty stomach, I walked into Rika’s ward. The room was pitch black, with a bit of light scattered in through the windows, faintly outlining the contours of a girl. Rika was sitting on her bed, gazing beyond the windows.

“Why don’t you turn on the lights? What’s the matter?” asked I.

She gave no response.

“I’ve borrowed the book for you. It’s the right book this time.”

She still gave no response. I approached the edge of the bed and placed the book on the bed. Afterwards, I sat on the fold chair beside the bed. Rika wasn’t moving an inch. She kept silent and didn’t turn around to face me. I could clearly hear the small television sounds from the adjacent ward, and some other conversational sounds of passerbys walking through the wards. There were also different kinds of sounds, including the squeaking sounds of medical carts being pushed along, or the banging sounds of something falling to he floor. Perhaps it was because of my contraction with warm air that my mind had become a bit dazed off, as if I was floating in a dream. With that dizzy head, I took off my scarf and gloves, and blew some warm air onto my hands. My tips of my fingers were so numb by the bold that they couldn’t feel the warmth. At this moment, time was slowly flying away. Rika was still gazing beyond the windows. To be correct, she was still gazing at the Dragon Head Mountain—the Turret Mountain. She seemed completely ignorant of my presence.

Of course, she knew I was here, but she didn’t make a sound. Long accustomed to this, I only gazed blankly at the direction she was gazing. This would happen about once every day. Rika would suddenly fall silent without any omen. Should this happen, it was useless for me to say anything. Even if I were to talk to her, she would pay no heed even if she heard me. She would, at most, make some sounds to skimp me, which was the best I could hope for. She had a distance from me usually, but when this happened, it felt that she was even farther away from me—so far that even if I stretched my hands I couldn’t touch her. So I could only resort to silence. I could only bear silence. Then, I might try to imagine what she would be thinking now and then. What is she thinking? Why is she staring at the Turret Mountain? Does she want to climb that mountain? As I thought of these, I repeatedly blew on my hands; my hands could gradually feel the warmth now. Although these doubts in my heart could be directly sent to Rika for an answer, I hadn’t ever thought of this, as I wouldn’t get a response anyway. If I had to feel the sensation of words disappearing in the atmosphere after being said, let me just bear silence and keep it in my heart. Without any other resort, I just looked at Rika’s back like an idiot. She had a slim and tender body. It was because she was sitting on her bed that I could just see her upper body, but that, including her shoulders to her waist, was enough to be described as perfect. The curve of her body was extremely elegant. Merely looking at it would accelerate one’s heartbeat. By the way, humans are such fascinating creatures. Why would just a curve be so charming to one? For example, the curve of a flower vase would be elegant, but why wouldn’t it accelerate one’s heartbeat? Nevertheless, Rika was bit too thin. The slimness of her body had a sorrowful remark. I suddenly remembered Akiko’s words, “She’s doing fine.” I didn’t know what illness Rika had. Akiko didn’t tell me, and I didn’t find it comfortable to ask Rika. How could I? I mean—how could I just ask her such a question. Besides, to be honest, I was afraid of the answer. So, until then, I was totally ignorant of it.

Grumble...

This sound suddenly reminded me—it was my stomach’s growling sound. Even though my body had fallen into deep contemplation of different matters, my body was very loyal to its physiological status. My stomach would growl naturally when hungry.

Rika turned to me.

“I-I’m sorry,” I apologised without thinking.

What a hell of a shit I was. Rika’s expression was unclear in the dim room. Perhaps she was gasping. Although it was too inconceivable for one to throw a tantrum for a growling stomach, the reason why I didn’t have my dinner was all Rika’s fault, but it was hard to convince her sometimes even with reasons. I stood gingerly, as I thought she would throw a tantrum at me again.

“Um. Please take this for dinner.”

Yet, this was what I heard.

“Ah?”

I couldn’t make up what she was saying, as I was too astonished.

“Eat it.”

Rika pointed at the shelf beside the door. On the shelf was a tray containing the dinner set the hospital provided. Rice, other food, and soup was all placed there neatly. Surprised, I asked, “How did you get this?”

“It’s your dinner. I’ve brought it here.”

“Did you help me to take my dinner?”

She nodded. Every evening, the staff responsible for the food would send the food for every patient to their respective wards. And my dinner should be sent to my ward, which would be taken away after a specified time whether I had eaten it or not. And at this time, it should have been long taken away, yet Rika went to my ward specially to take away my dinner, lest it be taken away. I was way too astonished. I couldn’t even dream that such a capricious woman would do such a favour for me. When I was still gasping in awe...

“Aren’t you going to eat it?” asked Rika, “if you aren’t, then it’s better to throw it away.”

“Ah. No. I’m going to eat it! I’m eating it now!”

“You can use this to help you eat it,” said Rika as she moved her body to open the table beside her bed.

“You can also turn on the lights.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

I turned on the lights and transferred the tray onto the table.

Having seated on the chair, I quickly picked up the chopsticks. The rice, the other food, and the soup had already turned cold, but because it was my hunger that the food was extremely delicious. I devoured them in big mouthfuls. No, perhaps there were other reasons that made this meal delicious. Seeing me devouring the food, Rika smiled in delight.

“Yuuichi looks like a dog.”

This line may seem like disdaining someone in some circumstances, but this strangely gave me the otherwise. I lifted my head carefully to see Rikas delightful smile—her smile that was as beautiful as those of angels. Wouldn’t it be great if she could smile like this forever...I thought while I devoured the food.

“What’s the matter?” asked Rika with her head cocked, sensing the direction of my eyes.

I replied hastily, “This is delicious.”

“How would anyone think food provided by the hospital is delicious? Yuuichi is acting strange.”

“I’m not. This food is splendid.”

“All right. Then please eat more.”

Like pacifying a dog, Rika lightly stroked my head. Of course, this wouldn’t disgust me. Rika’s light touch sliding across my hair along with her smile elated me. I deliberately shoved my face into the bowl, lest my thoughts would be unveiled.

As I returned to my ward, I met Tada.

“Have you gone somewhere again?” Tada said, opening his mouth devoid of teeth, smiling, “is it a girlfriend?” He raised his little finger. How do I put it? Tada was a real old guy as well as a perverted one. These senses had already become his ‘initial settings’.

“Hahaha” I tried to skimp him by smirking, “I was finding my friend.”

She was my friend instead of my girlfriend.

“Sigh, why’s that? Shouldn’t vigour be the greatest at your age? Let me tell you: you need to be more active and strike when possible.”

Tada had an awkward accent. It was alleged that his messy tone came from him going through different places in the country. Albeit this hearsay, most of the words spoken by Tada was exaggerated, so I couldn’t tell how much of the hearsay was true. I had also heard that he had a trip to Hokkaido, but then he strangely said Hiroshima was in Hokkaido; when I corrected him by saying that Hiroshima was situated at Chugoku in the west side of Honshu, he still stood strong in his fallacious argument that there had been a time when that happened. What a stubborn old man.

“Hahaha,” I skimped him by smirking again.

Afterwards, he stretched his hand to me.

“Take this and eat it.”

After Tada stretched his hand, three amber-coloured round objects appeared on my palm. They were the memorable old sugar balls. The three sweet ambers glittered with beautiful radiance.

“Thanks,” said I, nodding.

Having returned to my ward, I popped one of them into my mouth. I was caught by the extreme sweetness of the ball when it touched my taste buds, which then was quickly spitted out of my mouth, hitting on the floor and rolling on the floor forlornly. How could I eat something like this?

“This candy is too sweet.”

What should I do? I looked at the two left sugar balls, unknowing of how to deal with them. Tsukasa’s room was situated at the first floor and facing the road. Nowhere could be more dangerous than here. Anyone could throw a rock, shatter the glasses, and slip in. Notwithstanding, it was great for some visitors like me since I could slip in the room at night through the windows without making a noise and interrupting others. Or to put it in another way, I could freely enter or leave the room anytime I wanted.

“Hey.”

After the lock—the bench—was unlocked, I immediately paid a visit to Tsukasa’s room. The moment I opened the windows, a twenty-five inch man’s face entered my eyes. That guy was wearing a lantern sleeve, the curve of his waist almost the same as a woman. His hand was holding a rapidly spinning foam generator. A sharp sound came from the speakers of the television: “Here comes the main point, yo!” What did ‘yo’ mean? What was this ‘yo’ shit? Pretending to heave a large sigh, I entered, saying, “My friend, don’t you think there is a problem with a boy watching the playback of Hirose Yoshikazu‘s Happy Kitchen with such a serious attitude?”

“Does it matter?” said Tsukasa sternly.

Sekoguchi Tsukasa was a bit of a weird guy. Let me first tell you that he was an astronomy fan, so he would always put in his pockets scientific calculators used for working out orbits. Anyway, let us leave this alone since this was common. What I am going to tell you now is his features: his height and weight are 187cm and 92 kilograms respectively. Anyway, let us leave this alone since this was common too. Perhaps this was because of his usual serious practice that made muscles as strong as steel to cover his whole body. Anyway, this was perhaps common too. The problem comes down to this: his interest was making deserts. Frequently after school, he would hold small measuring spoons in his huge hands and make deserts with female students in the home education room. And the most puzzling thing was that the deserts he made were better than any other deserts made by female students, so delicious that even the girls gave him the venerable nickname ‘Sekoguchi Master’, and often threw letters of admiration into his shoe cabinet in school. This was what I couldn’t understand.

“You haven’t been around for some time. What’s the matter?” asked Tsukasa, looking at Hirose Yoshikazu dancing around crazily on the television—at least this what I thought, though it seemed he was cooking.

Originally, I wanted to explain why everything ended up like this, but then I gave up in doing so, as Tsukasa was totally immersed in the television.

“There’s a lot that happened. Let’s talk about that later since you’re so busy.”

It was just a waste of energy to tell Tsukasa anything at the moment.

“Is that so? I’m sorry,” said Tsukasa, seemingly uninterested to what I was saying, “Hey! Did you see that? That’s the god’s foam!”

What a weirdo. What the heck was that ‘god’s foam’? I had thought he was joking, but without further examination, I found him serious and stern. He was putting all his focus on a big notebook—normal notebooks on Tsukasa’s hands look like booklets—and jotting down some notes. Finally, Hirose Yoshikazu jumped up to mid-air and spun around. While he was spinning in the air, his hands danced around and his feet relaxed into a bending state. At this moment, special effects occurred on the screen: butterflies and stars flew around the sky, and light was shone to all corners.

“Fascinating illusion!” cried Hirose Yoshikazu as he landed. Afterwards, a pure, white cake appeared on the screen. It was indeed a fine, delicious cake, but a cake was merely a cake. What did that cake have to do with any fascinating illusions? Or perhaps, this essentially was a ‘fascinating illusion’. With these questions in my mind, I looked at Tsukasa. Stars shone in his eyes. His mouth was half-wide, his eyes locked onto the television firmly. Along with that, he kept on murmuring, “This is spectacular...”

I heaved a deep sigh, a sigh deep down from my heart: if only this guy didn’t have this hobby, he would have been perfect. The show ended at last after some time.

Tsukasa stared at the sandstorm-like flashing screen absent-mindedly. He seemed to be still enjoying the aftertaste. Getting impatient, I called for him, “Hey, Tsukasa.”

“Y-Yes,” replied Tsukasa, confused, coming back to his senses.

He had really lost his senses back there.

“Are you okay?” asked I, having a hidden meaning within my words. I didn’t know did he get it, as his response was only a simple nod.

“Of course. Hey, did you just see Hirose’s special move?”

It looked as if he didn’t get it.

“I saw it, but I have no idea of what he’s doing.”

“Tsk!” said Tsukasa, displeased. He then stood up, took off the jacket hung on the wall, and stretched his hands into its sleeves.

“Hey. Where are you going?”

“Sorry. Some relatives came and lived here. They are very annoying, so it wouldn’t be a good idea to disturb their sleep. Let’s head outside.”

“Outside? Have you thought of where to go?”

It was already midnight. There were few and far between shops that still run at this time in these suburban places.

“Yes. I have a senior working at a Karaoke shop. We can probably enter without being charged.”

“Karaoke, uh?”

I was tone-deaf. It wasn’t any exaggeration. I would even have a discrepancy of half a note in theme songs of children shows.

“We don’t necessarily have to sing,” complemented Tsukasa, probably putting what I have mind in consideration.

Though his face and body looked thick and rigid, he was a gentle and kind man. When he was cooking, the true essence of his personality would shine.

I said, half-jokingly, “Okay. Let me sing the theme song of ‘Prince Mackaroo’ then.”

“D-Do you really have to sing?” Tsukasa showed a sign of apparent disgust.

This guy didn’t simply said that for me but also as a preventive measure of escaping my singing voice...

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

Tsukasa and I weren’t yet friends half a year ago. Back then, we didn’t have anything in common; we were simply classmates. It was because of that guy’s eccentricity that made him difficult to approach, hence a legend at school. At normal circumstances, I would have never thought of becoming friends with him. We hadn’t spoken to a word to each other back then. It was that rain that bridged the gap between us. It was the drizzling rain that would never cease during the spring season. I was returning home from cram school on that day. In the individual conversation with the tutor for furthering my studies, all of the schools I want to go to were marked by a ‘D’, shocking me at the spot. The teacher of the cram school had his face crumpled.

“Looks like you need to lower your standard of the schools you want to go to,” he said, seemingly impatient. Though he had a formal tone, it was written all on his face that I needed to rewrite all of my standards before finding him. As such, I was drenched in melancholy, as mum, if seen my grades, would definitely say, “It’ll be fine if you study in local universities.” Even when I further my studies, my mum still wished for me to stay in this town, although she always said, “Anything you prefer will be fine,” every time my will for schools was mentioned, she would recommend local schools. If I had to get out of here, I must get grades at least up to standard. Getting a ‘D’ was the worst I could get.

“What could I do?” murmured I, gazing upon the drizzle of rain falling from the sky.

“It’s all my stupidity that led me into this.”

Rain poured incessantly, my mood dejected to the worst point. After that, I passed through the old station, which still had the lookout for fire strangely, and the track into the shortcut to my home—“Seko”. Seko was a dialect that meant a short path. It was alleged that it was a saying that started long ago and had passed till now. There were a lot of people like Tsukasa who had this word as their names. In some places, there would be around three students in a class called Sekokuchi. The first girl I loved—which was back when I was at primary school grade three—had the surname Sekoguchi. These cases would only happen in towns with such a long history. The history memories in my mind would sometimes appear in the roads I walked in, for example: wooden houses that were common and special here. The openings of these houses were very narrow, yet the endings would extend to a far distance. They would probably be described commonly as eel houses. It was alleged that this style was also called Tsumairi houses (妻入町屋). I walked to this house, my head lowered. Afterwards, I went through a corner, and a large body appeared before me. Looking at the distinctive face and body, I immediately knew he was Sekoguchi Tsukasa. But why was he kneeling along the road in this rain? I went over to him and threw some glances, happening to find there were two kittens purring beside Tsukasa’s feet. They looked like abandoned, stray cats. I knew what was happening right at that instant. To put it simply, a big guy found some kittens abandoned near his house, and so he took an umbrella and covered them. And so, now he was idling around, unknowing of what to do next. Kittens like these would die soon. It was preposterous for one to think that these abandoned kittens would be taken away by strangers. Abandoning them was equivalent to murdering them. When I was in middle school, there were some kittens abandoned at school. These kittens were so adorable that a lot of people would feed them. These kittens seemed to live with vigour and life. I would always stroke the soft fur on their backs, and they would make purring sounds from their throats, which was truly adorable. Merely looking at the sight of them sleeping lazily under the sun would incur a sense of happiness deep down in my heart. Nevertheless, these kittens were gone after the holidays. I couldn’t imagine who picked them away. Though it felt a bit lonely for them to be gone, whenever I imagine they could at last eat something delightful in someone’s house, I would reckon them having a wonderful life. You have to eat more and grow up, I would sometimes think. The unpalatable truth wasn’t what I thought though. Not long after, I heard from the girls along the corridor news I didn’t want to hear: “Hey, I heard that those kittens were dead.” “Eh~~ Really?” “It seemed that after the holidays, our janitor saw them in a corner of a bicycle parking lot, their bodies shrinking into a clump. He thought they were alive and tried to feed them, only to see that they didn’t move an inch. Feeling strange, he stretched out his hands to touch them, finding their bodies already become cold and icy.” “What happened then? Were they buried?” “No. I heard they were thrown to the burnable trash.” “What? That’s gross! Bother!” You’re the one that are gross, you idiot! I reprimanded them scornfully in my heart, though the girls were right. Then, I become dejected: how is she an idiot? Do I qualify to speak those kinds of words? Have I considered the fact that those kittens couldn’t endure? What have I done? Did I ever think of doing anything? The kittens were fed nothing during the holidays. Besides, heavy rain poured at those times. Kittens could have never endured through this harsh weather. Every time when I think of the kittens—their soft fur and the warmth within—my heart would grieve, drenching me into melancholy. With this melancholy, I still walked gingerly around Tsukasa’s back. After all, there was nothing I could help. Besides, I was afraid of going through the same grief might I join. The softness and warmth of the dead kittens in the bicycle parking lot induced the acceleration of my footsteps naturally. Wherever I went, the sound of rain followed me. Every time I remembered Tsukasa’s back, I would quickly try to cast it away from my mind. Having gone back home, time flew as I did my usual stuff: eat, watch the television, and read manga—it was yet another usual and boring day—or so I thought: I heard my mother’s call at around ten at night: “Yuuichi, your friend is here for you.”

Who would come to find me at this time? I walked to the gates with this question in my mind, surprised to find Sekoguchi Tsukasa standing here. He was drenched from head to toe, his chest holding kittens wrapped in towels. “U-Um...I’m sorry for coming to find you all of a sudden,” said Tsukasa, timidly, “could you take care of the cats?”

I was speechless. Tsukasa and I were classmates, but we weren’t close to each other. Why would he find me? Perhaps he saw me when I passed him, I guess, getting perturbed suddenly. I asked, fidgeting, “Why would you come to my...” House—I wanted to say, which I stopped when I saw a piece of paper buried in Tsukasa’s chest. Like his clothes and body, the paper was soaked in rain, and the contents were therefore exposed: “Contact List of the Class”—this was what I could vaguely see. In other words, Tsukasa had went through each and every house of his classmates to see if anyone could take up the cats for him. ‘’What an idiot’’, I thought. ‘’What is he thinking?’’ Despite being completely drowned in the rain, he wanted to, at least, find someone to adopt those abandoned cats. And he worked to the night for this. It was already ten. I was astounded as well as impatient in some sense. Nevertheless, while I was in my thoughts, I found that Tsukasa was only holding one cat. When I saw him at Seko, there were two cats.

“H-Hey. Where’s the other cat?”

“My classmate Kato adopted it.”

He sounded happy to have said classmate’s name. It was a naive and straight smile. I bet he had really been at cloud nine for this. Then, as if finding something strange, he made a squeaking sound.

“Ezaki, how did you know there were two cats?”

“Oh.”

I was a goner. He didn’t know I passed through him there. I was stumped: how could I tell him that I saw him there? At the same moment, something coming out of nowhere clicked. Looking from the narrow gate of my house, I could see Tsukasa’s body larger than usual, which probably could be ascribed to the narrow gate, or probably some other reasons. I sucked my saliva, making rough, loud sounds. The eyes of the kitten lying on Tsukasa’s hands looked straight at me mysteriously, its pupils reflecting an image of me, ignorant and striving to hide something. All of these were clearly reflected on the kitten’s pupils. The reflection made me look like a complete idiot, stunning me at the spot. The kitten was purring.

“What’s the matter?”

Tsukasa asked me.

“Ah. No.”

“Sorry for making such a strange request.”

“”Ah, right.”

“No, isn’t it?”

Gingerly I nodded my head.

“My mum is allergic to cats.”

“Okay. It’s fine.”

Tsukasa repeated a few times the word ‘sorry’. He was sorry for bothering me at such a late time; he was sorry for having such a request...this repeating behaviour had made me to feel even sorry for him, having to see him nod his head incessantly to show respect. Finally, he left after saying another ‘sorry’. With a final click, the door was shut. Here was I, left alone. Yes, I was ditched.

“...”

The rain outside the house drizzled. The lights at the gate were dim. The sounds of my mum watching television inside were heard.

“...”

The scene of Tsukasa being drowned in rain reappeared in my mind. I could still faintly hear the purring sounds of the kitten. Again I remembered myself passing through Tsukasa’s back gingerly.

“...”

Perhaps he would run around forever should he not find someone to adopt the kitten.

“What? Has your friend gone home?”

Walking along the corridor, my mum asked with her usual carefree tone. I wanted to say something, but the words just clogged in my throat: my lips shut soon after they were open. There was something running on in my head, hitting my chest. I was like an idiot, having some sound denying my feeling, but this spinning vortex forcibly sucked away my heart. It was stupid to have the heart of a tenderhearted person, yet my feet moved and shoved themselves to my old, worn-out shoes. The shoes were wet, and upon my feet shoving inside, the soggy fabric stuck onto my skin, which felt disgusting. Before my senses came back to me, I had already shouted, “I’m out for a while!” Then, I grabbed an umbrella and hurried out of my house. I looked around frantically, thinking where that big guy had gone under such copious rain. Having found the right direction, I ran towards there. It wasn’t anything worth mentioning anyway. I knew it, of course. However you put it, I was once someone who loved kittens genuinely, and also someone who threw them away without a second thought. I was someone who had thought the kittens would be better off if they were adopted. Thus said, I was irresponsible. Be that as it may, I still could lower my head along with Tsukasa.

“Lightning! Lightning! Boooom!”

We did enter with free admission.

Nevertheless, the store was those cheap stores that could scare customers away. The grape juice I called was as tasteless and plain as running water. Scrapes of paint and holes were found everywhere on the walls. The table was shuddering. Even the soundproof capability was poor: we could clearly hear the singing sounds from the room next to us.

The room next to us seemed to have entered ‘endless anime song’ mode.

“My earth-wrecking iron first! Garghhh!”

Remarkably shocking was the sound.

Those sound waves passed through the walls and shot straight into our room; even the glass cup on our table was shaking with clinging sounds.

The roaring sounds were increasing in intensity.

“Lightning! Lightning! Booooom!”

Plack, plack: the glass cup vibrated on the table. Tsukasa and I were stumped for a while, as if the vibrating glass cup casted a spell on us: we just stared at the cup. The anime song was such a wonder, I thought. What power it had.

Plack, plack: the glass cup continued to vibrate incessantly.

“How’s school lately?” I asked at the moment the song was in its interlude. Then, taking the vibrating glass cup, I drank some grape juice to dampen my throat—the taste was really plain.

“It’s the same as usual!” cried Tsukasa.

“We had a tripartite talk recently!”

“Yeah. I got the same notice!”

“Hey, how did it go?”

“My mother is going alone.”

We were really screaming our throats out, lest our words would be superseded by the singing sounds from the adjacent room.

“How did the teacher say?”

“Rats!”

Yes, it was perhaps worse than rats. After all, my homework was done poorly. Besides, I was forced to live in the hospital for a long time for being sick. Not only could I not go to school, but I also couldn’t go to cram school or take the mock exam. On the next year I would have to take the university entrance exams. Should this keep up, I would be a goner. Although I had tried to revise a bit, my grades worsened gradually. Another problem would be my lack of attendance in school, which would make me in danger of not being able to forward to the next grade.

This was what I heard from my mother who talked with my teacher.

“You can repeat the exam anyway. Isn’t there always a way?”

“I’ll never repeat the exam!”

‘Never’—it would be easier to repeat the exam since there would be an extra year for me to study. If I want to live an easier life, it might be a good way. Still, this would squander one year. I had only lived for seventeen years, so one year was equal to 5.9% of my whole life. Though not everlasting, it was quite an appalling time to me at this moment. Once I had decided to repeat, I would have to spend the time living in this village.

That would be bad. I wanted to travel to other places, albeit one step farther. I wanted to travel to faraway cities, albeit a bit farther.

Having understood my will, Tsukasa made a voice of great agony, “Mmm...”

I echoed, “Mmm..”

Anime songs still came continuously from the adjacent room.

“Lightning bomb! Lightning bomb! Boooooom!”

The lyrics were a bit different from then, probably entering its second phase.

“My space-wrecking valour! Garghhhh!”

I would like to wreck space too, but the thing that was really wrecked was my ‘valour’. I would feel melancholic once I thought of things pertaining to my ‘future’.

Though when I turned my head to Tsukasa, his face was surprisingly stern. It was my affair, not his, yet he looked even agonised than myself.

I liked this friend of mine with a strangely huge body and a peculiar taste. First things first, I didn’t have any other weird connotation. In sorrow, Tsukasa would show a sorrowful face. In joy, he looked joyful. If lonely, he would curl up his backs in loneliness. When he was hungry, his stomach would growl (significantly loud also).

Tsukasa was so straightforward and simple it was scary. Normal people couldn’t do things in his way. Like me, anyone would have some strange blob in our self-conscious, blocking some path in our heart. In sorrow, I would instead laugh out loud. When I looked like a wagging dog in joy, I was really showing a sense of utter boredom. I was like a super idiot. Nevertheless, knowing that I was such an idiot didn’t help at all; there was no way I could show my feelings genuinely like Tsukasa. There was no way I could do what he had done on that rainy day...

The two kittens were growing healthily now, living in serenity and joy. A female student in his adjacent class adopted the second cat. It was alleged he would frequently pay visits to the kitten.

With huge efforts, I managed to put on a large smile.

“Yo, things will mend themselves at the end. If things didn’t work out the way I want, there are still those poor, random universities I can choose.”

“You can say it like that, but will your mother agree?”

“I can kneel down in request. Don’t look at me with that face. I’m good at pushing things at the last moment. I will do my best.”

The crying sounds coming from the adjacent room were becoming fiercer.

“Lightning! Lightning bomb! Boooooom!”

The song seemed to have climbed up to the climax.

Everyone in the room added to the chorus. The intensity of their voices was so high that it could be said to have wrecked the sky and perhaps even create sonic beams. There were even female voices embedded within. How many people were there anyway?

Before we knew it, our minds were already washed away by the music.

“My generation-wrecking bawl! Arghhh...” For that moment, I believed, the whole building shook.

No, perhaps it was only a misperception.

The boiling atmosphere near us accentuated, reaching higher temperatures. “Garghhh!” or “Yooooogh!” or “Wuarghh!” charged in endlessly. How could someone be in such high spirits? My shock had elevated into admiration. “What a wonder,” Tsukasa clapped his hands, “what a wonder.” I clapped my hands too. “In short, there will be something you can do, Yuuichi,” Tsukasa, while clapping his hands, showed a faint smile.

On that day, rarely, Rika ran to my ward according to her own will.

“What’s up, Rika?” I asked, quickly stuffing the bookmark into the book.

I was reading a book written by Akutagawa Ryunosuke that Rika lend me. Truth be told, I didn’t want to read that book Akuta-something wrote, but if I refused, I would drive Rika mad again, so I could only choose otherwise. Be that as it may, having started reading the book, I found Akutawa Ryunsuke an interesting person. How should I put it? I thought he was quite the abnormal person.

I asked Rika, who was silent, again, “has something happened?”

She didn’t answer me and walked towards me in awkward silence.

“Hey, hey.”

Rika took the book from my hands and flipped it, making shuffling sounds. The bookmark was in the book, so the page would always be turned to that page.

“Hey, what do you want!”

My, I have a bad feeling about this.

“You threw the bookmark in upon seeing me coming and closed the book, didn’t you?”

“Y-yeah...”

She was right. Last time, while I was reading, Rika went in like this time. She then took away the book I was holding and closed the book.

Then she said, with a mischievous smile, “Look. Now you won’t know which page you were reading!”

She was intentionally picking me. How vulgar and malicious it was of her. The one who told me to read the book was she. The one getting worked up should I stop reading was she, yet she would do such a thing. What a strange woman.

Having learnt from my past experience, I had prepared a bookmark this time.

Rika took the bookmark out of the book.

“Hmph! Then let me do this.”

She then closed the book.

I let out a dismal cry, “Ahh! What are you doing?”

“This is only a little punishment.”

“What are you punishing me for? I didn’t commit any crime! I won’t know where I have been reading now!”

“You’re a man. How noisy you are.”

Her adorable face wrinkled.

“Leave this alone. Come with me for a while.”

“Oh. What?”

It was a diversion I had not yet been prepared. I didn’t even have the time to fully digest what she had said.

“Hey. Be swift.”

Nevertheless, Rika seemed to have paid no heed to what I was thinking, walking with her back sticking to me. She opened the door and turned around to face me.

“What are you doing? Come on now.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll know by following me.”

Rika’s eyes seemed to glitter more ominously.

“Hey. Be swift.”

“All right.”

I succumbed to her in a few words.

It was only a waste of energy to talk anything with Rika. Although I would like her to give at least an excuse, so we wouldn’t have to start a little quarrel. Asking and receiving questions from Rika was always impossible. In times like this, the only thing I could do instead of ignoring her was obeying her. And the most intriguing thing was that I couldn’t ignore her. Perhaps it was because she was a beautiful girl. I stood up, my feet slipping into my slippers.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

I was exactly like the faeces of a goldfish, walking closely behind Rika’s back. Be that as it may, I was still guessing where she was taking me. Walking like this was boring, so I began to observe her back: today, Rika was wearing two-pieced striped pajamas. The size of the pajamas seemed a big too big of her, as half of her hands were buried in the sleeves. Nevertheless, she had such a small body. How would it feel to embrace her? She would completely immerse in the shoulders.

When Rika stepped out her right foot, the thin pajamas cloth would show the contours of her left shoulder blade, and when she stepped out her left, the contours of the right one would be shown. When I slowly looked downwards, seeing the curve along her waist, I couldn’t help feeling mixed and excited. My face gradually flushed. (Sigh. Why am I so evil? I am such a...)

‘A boy of seventeen’—it sounds like the congregation of impure objects. Probably having noticed my wicked eyes, Rika turned her head around. Consequently, our eyes met with each other. For a moment I was immersed into extreme anxiety.

“W-What?”

Did she notice I was eyeing her all along? If that was the truth, her rage would be boiling over the tip, and she might even slap me harshly on the face.

“W-What’s the matter?”

Rika didn’t answer me. She turned her head back and continued walking. I had no idea what she was thinking.

“Hey, Rika.”

“What?”

“Where are we heading to?”

“You’ll know by following me.”

“Does it matter if you tell me or not? The only place we can go is this hospital anyway. Are you going to fetch some juice in the restaurant?”

“You’re a man. Why are you so noisy.”

Her tone sounded like deterring detestable mosquitoes.

“Just follow me and keep your mouth shut.”

I heaved a long sigh.

My, how would there be such a willful girl? Perhaps, I had to sternly look at her for once. Again for killing time, I imagined myself talking to Rika condescendingly—right, to talk to her sternly and viciously, roaring to her things such as “What you blabbering about. Shut up.”

(Hell. There’s no way I can imagine something like that...)

But I could, without a problem, imagine myself fawning and doing as she pleased.

While I was thinking about these things, Rika stopped at the end of the corridor. A door with two openings was in front of us. These were the words written on the top of the door—“Operating Room”. While I was still pondering over its authenticity, my doubts came to become reality immediately, as Rika had already entered the operation room.

“Hey, hey, Rikia.”

I followed her in a panic.

“Stop! We would be scolded!”

“It’s fine. If we’re scolded, I’d say it was Yuuichi who pulled us both in. I’m good at faking a cry.”

Although Rika was smiling, I had a feeling she wasn’t joking.

“Have you entered the operation room, Yuuichi?”

“No.”

“Me either. So the operation room looks like this.”

Rika and I stood shoulder-to-shoulder, looking around the interior of the room. It was larger than I had imagined; it was almost twice the size of a six-persons room. There was a shelf occupying most of the wall. And there were some things that look like oxygen tanks placed in the corner of the room. There were also other various instruments placed everywhere in the room. The only ones I knew were the electrocardiogram monitor and the drip rack. Finally, in the centre of the room was the operating table. On the operating table laid a black cushion, covered with a green sheet. There was a bendable lighting device on top of it. There were ten light blubs aligned inside with equal distance.

“Yuuichi, will you lie down?” said Rika, slapping on the operating table.

“I...lie down...?”

“Are there anyone else?”

Rika seemed unusually delighted. She grinned ear to ear. By the way, this was the first time I saw Rika in such delight. At the same time, I found out that she looked hundreds of thousands times adorable when she was elated than when infuriated. I never thought she could be such adorable. How good it would be if she were to be in such good mood every day.

“Cough, cough,” Rika intentionally cleared her throat.

“So let’s start the operation.”

“What?”

“Let’s first start from the place between your Adam’s apple and chest, cutting open your chest as well as the sternum. When the heart is exposed, we’ll use an artificial pacemaker to maintain the flow of blood...”

I tensed up.

“W-Wait! What are you holding in your hands?”

“A surgical knife.”

“A s-surgical knife!”

The fine, long silver blade glimmered in Rika’s hands. “Kuku,” as Rika smiled, she pointed the surgical knife at me.

“Stop! Hey, cut it out. How did you get that?”

“It was placed here.”

Rika pointed at the cart beside the operating table. Casting a glance, I saw there neatly placed instruments such as surgical knives, injection needles, and scissors.

“Trust me. It will be fine.”

“What trust are you talking about! What do you want me to trust?”

“So let’s begin,” continued Rika with a playful tone. She then drew the surgical knife closer. The knife flashed an icy light; the moment the light reached my retina, I wanted, inwardly, to cry out loud.

At the same moment...

“Who’s inside?”

The door of the operating room suddenly opened, along with a calling sound—it was Akiko! In a flurry, Rika kneeled down, while I directly rolled onto the floor from the side of the operating table. Although my waist and my back fell onto the floor flatly, I stood the pain and crept below the operating table where Rika had already hidden herself. So confined was the space that there were not any space left to move. Rika and I were facing each other, our knees touching.

(Hey, stop coming closer!)

(I can’t help it!)

(Oh, you touched it! Rats. You idiot. You pervert!)

(S-Stop hitting me! We’d get discovered! Hey!)

We moved our lips and had a quarrel with our “lip language”.

Akiko made cracking footstep sounds as she walked around the operating room. She should be checking the room to see if anyone was around. Her footstep sounds gradually approached the operating table, our hiding place. If we were found, she would definitely kill us.

At this time, Rika and I stopped scowling angrily at each other, holding our breaths and waiting.

Akiko’s feet were before my eyes, stopping in front of me.

(I’m d-done for...)

Yet I noticed something even more worse unleashing—it was Rika’s trembling cheeks. Humans were such strange creatures. Sometimes we would have an urge to smile or laugh in situations we shouldn’t. Rika seemed to have entered in such state. If she were to laugh now, we would definitely be discovered. By then, we would probably get scolded harshly. And perhaps the long bench lock would revive.

If that was the case, then there was no other way—I stretched my hand to cover Rika’s mouth. Feeling my hand, Rika moved around restlessly. Even though I had pressed on it hardly, some weak sounds still leaked out. I felt a cold streak along my spine.

Did she hear us?

Fortunately, it didn’t. Akiko made cracking footstep sounds again and moved away. The sounds diminished gradually and following were the sounds of the door opening and closing.

“W-We’re safe.”

Confirming Akiko had left, I let out a breath I had been holding onto for a long time. Then I moved my hand away from Rika’s mouth. Rika’s laughing sounds, at the same instant, shot through the whole operating room.

“Yuuichi, it’s funny! Your face just now was twitching! Ahahaha. It’s funny!”

“What a reason for you to laugh!”

“But it’s really twitching!”

“Whom do you think that caused this?”

My angry scowls sounded quite serious. Yet upon looking at Rika’s glittering smile, I had cast my fury a thousand miles away. Rika who would let out laughs like this were indeed hundreds of thousands of times more adorable than when when she was angry.

My heart seemed to have been affected by Rika’s smile, becoming brighter than ever. When I had noticed it, my eyes were squinted because of my smile.

“Hahaha. It’s amusing.”

Rika was still overflowing with joy; I, on the other hand, was grouchy.

“Not a bit.”

But that’s just my little complaint. It had actually been quite fun, for I got to see Rika’s smile. This merely made my day.

“Still, we’re lucky for not being discovered.”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“If we’re discovered, we’d definitely get killed.”

We were now climbing the stairs heading to the rooftop. For some unapparent reason, Rika said she wanted to have a stroll there.

The iron door of the rooftop was heavy and rusted. Rika, feeble and small, seemed to find it difficult to push open the door. I stretched my hand behind her to help. Beside my arm, Rika smiled in a bit of embarrassment.

(Indeed, she’s completely different when she smiles....)

Upon coming out to the outdoors, Rika and I were surrounded by the cold wind. The towels and sheets that had been recently washed were being dried on the rooftop. Infused by wind, they looked round and stuffed, dancing around in the air. The scene looked exactly as if the people who had passed away in the hospital were showing themselves as ghosts and spirits. There could be hundreds of thousands or even more lives gone in this hospital. Uncountable lives far more than the number of sheets here. Also, there would still be more lives, endlessly, gone. What we call hospital was such a place. And we were now residing here.

Everything around me seemed to be taken granted too easily, so these thoughts hadn’t occurred to me before. After all, my sickness wouldn’t possibly take my life away. But things were different now: Rika and I seemed to be escaping something as we evaded those purely white towels and sheets and walked towards the armrest.

The whole village could be seen. It felt as if the village looked even more vivid and explicit than what it looked in the wards. The green colour of the Turret Mountain and the Ise shrine made them afloat in the grey village. The winter sky, though placid, dimmed and weakened the clear, white light descending from above. This might be a reason why the village seemed desolate, as if every resident had left their houses and gone aloft. Perhaps there were only Rika and I who were left here, having such boring delusions harbouring our minds.

“Hey. Why didn’t you ask me?” Rika asked, standing still.

I didn’t know what she meant, so I asked her conversely, “Ask? What should I ask you?”

The strong winter wind howled. Rika’s fine, long hair swayed along the wind, striking me still as I gazed blankly at its dance.

“Things about me.”

“What about you?”

“My body condition.”

My heart suddenly throbbed. It really skipped a beat.

“You should know about it; at the least, you know it’s not too good.”

“Mmm. Yes.”

“I know you have been wary of this simply from your attitude, but why didn’t you ever ask me? I hate such feelings of uncertainty.”

She stopped speaking for a while; she must have been waiting, waiting for me to speak. Knowing of this, I asked, “Is it really that bad?”

My feet immediately started to shake. This feeling was like dreaming of falling from some high height in the midnight and waking up subsequently in a flurry and in panic.

“I might die.”

As she spoke these words, she, for some unapparent reason, wore a smile.

“It seems to be set.”

At that instant, my view distorted rapidly. It was exactly like the formation of a crystal into a high-performance fish view. Everything seemed explicitly clear, even details were there: the serious decay of the armrest or the scattered white paint gave a prickly sensation to my fingers. Rika’s hands on the armrest looked really small, so small they looked to be devoid of the ability to grasp her destiny or luck. Her fingernails were cut short; girls of her age would want to leave their fingers long, or perhaps apply them with nail polish. Yet patients were prohibited to do this, for if they do, when emergency situations occur, say they move around frantically in pain, their fingernails might scratch the doctors or the nurses.

On her body were other similar dismal situations. Her hair was long and non-dyed, all because she couldn’t go to the salon during her long stay in the hospital. The hair illustrated her seemingly endless days in the hospital. In fact since the first time I saw her I had noticed she had been staying in hospital for a long period. She hadn’t bought any clothes during these several years. From day till night, day after day, she was always wearing her pajamas. Clothes other than that were prohibited. The most she could do was to select the patterns of the pajamas. Certainly, putting up makeup was also prohibited. Mascara, eye shadow, rouge, lipstick...all of these possessions of girls of her age were probably all so non-existent in Rika.

From now on, even more things would be deprived from her.

“W-What sickness do you have?”

Though mine, the sound seemed far away. My whole person was dizzy, having the feeling of insufficient blood flowing to my head.

“Heart. Do you know what valves are? When the heart pumps blood like a pump, valves prevent the backflow of blood. If the valves malfunction, the only thing possible, I heard, is to transplant the organ, but my tissues are weak, so the chance of failure is high,” said Rika, her voice without any articulation; the tone was like the dinner I had yesterday: it was quite delicious, but a bit too spicy. It would be better if some aromatic herbs were placed...

Rika continued with the same tone, “This is hereditary. My father had the same sickness and had been living in hospital. My father resolutely decided to do the transplant operation when I was eight. The first time it failed. The doctor did his best to save him and managed to do another operation. Yet my father wasn’t saved in the end. His heart stopped during the operation. Because of this past experience, doctors were afraid of doing the operation for me.”

“B-But the operation your father had was ten years from now. Operations nowadays should be a lot safer.”

“Yes. The chance of success is a lot higher now.”

Rika’s head moved a bit. It looked she was nodded her head vertically, but it looked as if she was waving her head too.

“But it’s all a gamble with a low winning possibility.”

As soon as I heard the word gamble, the scene of my father ripping a parimutuel ticket would surface itself in my heart.

When I thought about it, my father had always been a loser in gambling. Gamble was this sort of a thing. The chance of winning was remarkably low. Yet you only lose money in parimutuel gambling. You only have to tear the ticket, throw it, and put your mind in winning the next gamble. But should Rika lose in this gamble haunted with such low-winning chance, what she would lose was her life.

She wouldn’t have the next chance. Not any.

“Should I take the operation, I would have to prepare myself mentally like my father.”

“Like your father...you mean...?”

“My father took me to the mountain before the operation. He said when he was young and healthy, he would often go there to play. Actually, in his current state back then, he couldn’t climb mountains. He took me there using the last bit of strength he could offer. That was when I knew my father had already prepared himself mentally. After that, I had forgotten where the mountain was. After all, I was too small, and my father hadn’t told the true name of the mountain to me. My father only called it the Turret Mountain.”

“What. Isn’t it...”

Rika nodded.

“It’s you who told me, Yuuichi!” That mountain is the Turret Mountain.”

I followed Rika’s eyes intently: the Turret Mountain was there. It was the place Rika and his father went, the place of their last memories after his father had prepared himself mentally. I remembered how Rika looked like in her ward, falling in silence, staring endlessly beyond the windows.

(I understand now...)

Rika was staring at that mountain, staring at the memories embedded within. She had always thought of her father who had died from their common illness. Also, perhaps she was also thinking of her short life.

“I, I want to go there again and have a look.”

After a long while, Rika murmured, “If I do that, can I prepare myself mentally too?”

When the lights were off, I sneaked out of the hospital. My body felt heavy and weary. Actually, if I don’t sleep well and let my body rest, the results of my body check will be poor, meaning that my condition is aggravating, indicating a really bad situation. In the worst-case scenario, the date that I leave the hospital will be postponed. It was a headache. Why had I made myself in such a situation? Was it because I had made it a habit? Or was there something stuck in my heart?

My body feeling weary was an obvious sign of my condition worsening. Still, I left the hospital and kept walking on the streets in the winter night.

The whole village was desolate and silent, without a sign of human. Every store on the street had closed their steel bars; the cool, icy breeze swept through the lower part of the triforium; the incessantly blinking red signal dyed the asphalt road with red and black intermittently.

I looked upwards, seeing a half moon hanging high on the sky. Even the Sirius was unusually dim around the moonlight.

“Oh, what’s up?”

After I knocked the windows, Tsusaka opened the windows for me.

“You came here yesterday already. Is it all right to come out every day? Won’t you get scolded?”

I grinned, “No, it isn’t. I’ll get scolded.”

“How’s your body?”

“Not to good either.”

Grinning, I climbed through the windows.

“Meh. What a headache.”

“What’s aching your head?”

“Haven’t I told you? I was on charge to take care of some wrecked girl.”

On the day we went to karaoke, I told him a lot about Rika: how I couldn’t stand these days, and how any girl would be so unruly as her...I blabbered everything to him to vent my depression, and he sympathised with me.

“I’m talking about that girl.”

Having loosened myself up, I started my long talk again.

I sat on the floor, turned on the video game console, and started playing shooting games. “Yiuu, yiuuu. The sound effects wheezed in the room loudly. The fighter aircraft repeatedly swung in circles in high speed, taking down the enemy aircrafts in front of it. <Good job> <Let’s go!> <You are the best!>...Once the enemy aircraft billows fire and dust, the co-pilot would make these sounds. I was preoccupied in attacking the emerging enemy aircrafts.

Cling!

The sound effects blasted.

Rinnngg!

The co-pilot sounded a bit noisily.

“Isn’t that girl called Rika?”

“Yeah. I heard she would soon die.”

“Ah...”

“It seems to be some problem with the growth of her heart valves. These tissues were as weak as sponges. I heard the operation might not cure her, and that her father had died from the same illness.”

There was an enemy aircraft behind me. I repeated swinging in high speed to get out with the enemy aircraft’s focus area, but however I tried, I couldn’t. Its missile flew at me, and a booming sound was heard. The lower right corner of the aircraft pictures gradually became red. <The right wing is blasted...the left wing is blasted...the power of the engine is low...>

<Goddam!>

The co-pilot let out a dismal cry.

“Truth be told, I’m really fed up with her.”

“Did you ask her in person?”

“She told me herself, saying that she hate my attitude of not wanting to make things clear. She is this kind of a girl. How should I put it? She doesn’t leave things undealt with. That’s why she’s so harsh and adamant.”

The aircraft became harder to control, and because of this, my aircraft was often attacked by enemy aircrafts. The picture of the aircraft on the lower right corner was dyed with a complete crimson, bloody colour. I hadn’t heard the dismal cries of co-pilot; he should have died during the jet escape. Sorry, my comrade.

The screen a complete black afterwards...

White text appeared in the black background: <You have been taken down. Do you want to challenge again?> I pressed several times the button “Yes”.

“Sigh. In fact I can understand some of her feelings. Having been residing in the hospital for such a long time, anyone would become irascible and impatient. Weren’t I prohibited to meet visitors in my first month of the hospital stay? That was enough to drive me nuts. Rika’s stay could be much longer, say, several years.”

Rika’s unruliness was inevitable in this situation.

We humans were such creatures. When placed in a painful situation, we would become irascible and impatient, unable to cast these feelings away with a smile. This was inevitable. Besides, Rika and I were still seventeen, children. There was no way we could control our emotions. I remembered Rika’s voice: “You’re so noisy! Scram!” Once I anger her, even only a bit, she would immediately shout out her dissatisfactory, but when I really decided to turn away, she would say angrily, “What? Don’t you know how to apologise?”

Whenever such situations found me, I was helpless, fawning, and apologising like an idiot, forcing my all to uplift her mood. Now that I knew everything, I only considered Rika’s noisy sounds too sorrowful.

<”You idiot! Don’t come back!”>

Perhaps, someday, I wouldn’t even hear her angry scowls. She was already far away from me, and perhaps she would travel to a place even farther away someday. While I thought of these, I controlled the aircraft crudely, continuing the battle. And because of this I ended up failing the mission. When I had managed to get to the third stage, the dark night was already gradually replaced with brilliant, bright light.

Tsukasa had been staying up with me for so long, and he had to go to school today.

“I’m returning,” I declared selfishly and stood up subsequently.

“U-Um...”

Tsukasa spoke when I was crawling through the window.

“What?”

“I think it’s a wonder why you, even knowing that Rika is so unruly, are willing to keep her company.”

“...”

“Also...”

“Oh, the sky’s bright already!” I interrupted Tsukasa’s words. Then, slipping my feet into the shoes placed beside the windows, I walked away.

“Tsukasa. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“Mmm. Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

The half moon as well as the Sirius was gone.

The dawning sky was dyed with a bright silver colour, so it felt particularly far. Even if I stood still and stretched both of my hands, I couldn’t reach that sky. My fingers were destined only to linger in the empty mid-air. Only the east horizon was glowing with a dazzling gold shimmer, for the sun was about to land on it.

Another day began, or perhaps yesterday ended.

No matter how many lives were gone in a day, how many people were hurt because of this, how many other people were hurt because of these people, or whether some naughty kid brought trouble to others, our lives would begin or end like usual. It was the same, endless reputation wherever the place. And it was because of this that our usual lives would be called usual. Be it the cars parked on the road, the asphalt road on the ground, or the white smoke I was puffing—everything was hosting equally the familiar usualness.

Even death was a part of this. No one could escape from it.

I staggered forward. My body felt even tired than when I left hospital. It wasn’t only a result of staying up. This tiredness illustrated the rotting of my inner organs, the distinct symptoms of intestines unwell.

The results of my body check would definitely be poor.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

The hospital was buzzing in the morning. It was fortunate for me, for I wouldn’t garner much attention in this noise. I walked through the gates confidently, having the pose “I’m only out to buy juice,” or “I’m back after a short while”, and walked into my ward.

I worked hard to return to my ward without having anyone notice me, but I stopped walking, for the door of Tada’s ward, adjacent to mine, was open. To prevent the door from closing, there was a doorstop in front of the foot of the door. The bed inside was empty. I didn’t mean no one was sleeping on it, but the mattress was turned entirely upside down. The naked bed showed only the white bed frame like the bone structure of some large animal.

The empty bed led to only two explanations...

Had he left from hospital? Or did he...

“Hi, juvenile delinquent.”

It was Akiko.

“You sneaked out of hospital yesterday, didn’t you?”

Akiko looked deprived of sleep. I didn’t know whether it really was lack of sleep or some other reason. Her face looked madly appalling.

I asked in a flurry, “How’s Tada?”

“His illness worsened suddenly last night,” said Akiko, stretching her body, “he passed away at three this morning.”

Passed away...

That old pervert passed away...

“Three this morning...”

“Yeah, that’s why I found out you have sneaked out. You should stop already, as it’s tiring for me to help you to cover this up. I was almost caught by the head nurse. Do you understand, you juvenile delinquent?”

“Yes...”

I nodded and walked back to my ward. My mind felt completely numb, and my eyes couldn’t focus on the things in my vision.

My consciousness still stayed on the bed...

After some effort, I remembered the amber sugar balls Tada had gave me. I had thrown them away, for they were too hard to swallow. There were even clinging sounds when I threw them away. I ran beside the trashcan to try to find them. Read magazines, orange peels, crumpled tissue balls, coffee cans, leftover bread crumbs, an empty chocolate box...I pushed these stuff aside and dived my fingers into the depths of the trashcan. Nothing. My fingers could only touch a dirty bottom but definitely not anything of the brilliance of the ambers. It was reasonable, though. It had been a several days since I had threw them away. They must have been brought away as trash long ago.

Knock, knock, knock...

Knocking sounds came from the door.

“Can I bother you for a moment?”

Akiko opened the door and came in, holding a seemingly heavy and large paper box.

“What’s up, Akiko?”

“This is what Tada told me to take care of. What an old pervert, giving others trouble at his last moments. I can’t take him.”

As Akiko spoke, she threw the paper box beside my bed, making a thud. Then, she spilled everything out from the box, followed with clapping and flipping sounds. Before my eyes were magazines stacked like a mountain; all of the magazines, of course, have females as their protagonists.

‘The Temptation of the University Female Student in the Classroom’

‘The Night of the Burning Love Affair’

‘Hot Girl Wearing Glasses’

‘Free Lades & Big Babies’

‘The Female Hot Spring - I’m being cooked to such a hot state’

‘Ahah. The Breast in My Memory’

‘The Moe short Sports Pants’

Almost everything with every title was there. There were succinct, great titles and cliche titles as well. Some of them, being cliche, could in fact bring a distinctive taste. The contents should be mostly similar. Humans take different forms of existence. Was this what people meant by “The Lord is ubiquitous?” No, this didn’t seem quite right. My blank mind, having used up over the night, was thinking of this stuff.

This was Tada’s collection.

Akiko went to and fro Tada’s ward and mine to move these pornographic magazines. The number of them was stunning; it was not just a hundred but tens of times larger than that. After thirty minutes, there stood a mountain in my ward made of pornographic books and magazines: it really was a mountain. And fabulous it was. Remarkable it was.

“This is what Tada told me to take care of,” Akiko said, gasping, “He told me to give these blue magazines to you.”

“To me?”

“Right. There were his last words. Isn’t this too much? That old fart once came back to his senses before he left, and I asked him what he wanted to say. He told me to give you these blue magazines. From what I see, he should know he’s about to die, but he didn’t mention anything else but this. Men are really idiots, helpless idiots. Anyway, that’s about it. You should take them with gratitude.”

When Akiko left my ward, she gave the pornographic mountain a sturdy kick.

On the following day, my body was checked. The results were poor: every number had rocketed to the red warning area. The doctor-in-charge was shocked and stumped, and Akiko enraged; thus, the long bench lock revived.

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