HanTsuki:Volume 1 Epilogue

Epilogue: Words Forgotten

The one who came to our rescue was Akiko. When Akiko got our destination from Tsukasa and flew to us, Rika was wondering whether to drag me down the mountain. I was immovable like a dead person, and Rika was all bloody. The situation could be said as a complete mess. Even Akiko was floored upon seeing us.

To remain Tsukasa’s reputation, I must add a note here. Under Akiko’s devilish questioning, Tsukasa persisted in not telling our destination for more than two hours. But later when we hadn’t return after some time, he spilled the beans out of worry and care. He wasn’t a guy to be underestimated.

In the end, the freedom Rika and I acquired lasted for a short two hour, although the price of that two hours were a bit too high. I sickness, already worsened before, messed up my liver because of this unruly chaos. I heard my condition had worsened to the state when I first came here, so I would need at least a month to get out. This was a declaration of my stay in the hospital over the year.

“You really are something, being able to move around in such bad condition,” the main doctor in charge said in surprise. He even laughed due to this shock.

Behind him, Akiko was enraged, her nerves racked up.

Anyway, I would have to stay on the bed immovable for around a week, my body severely worn out, deprived of even the power to get up. My body temperature lingered around thirty-nine degrees Celsius, receiving various injections throughout the day. The world seemed to twist because of the heat of my body. In this slightly twisted world, it was difficult to differentiate dreams from the reality, and I remembered a lot of things. Then, my thoughts were burned to ashes by the high heat of thirty-nine degrees. Perhaps, I believe, I had talked with my father in one of my dreams. In a slight unhappy tone, my father ordered the young me to buy photographic plates for him. “Listen carefully: buy the TriX four hundred.” Nodding, I held the five hundred yen dollar hardly and dashed out of home like a vigorous little monkey. I smiled under the dazzling sunlight, running and smiling in joy. The scene was wondrous. I should be in great hate of my father at that time.

Sigh. A dream is only a dream, not a representation of reality.

I had also talked with Rika in my dreams. Rika and I rode on a scooter like what we did that night. Rika’s hands clasped over my waist, holding me tightly. We sped forward endlessly and continuously.

“Don’t fell off!” Rika said with a bit of anger.

I replied in a carefree tone, “I said I know.”

Then, to scare Rika, I would deliberately accelerate suddenly, and Rika would cry out in a rarely adorable voice, then hitting my safety helmet.

“You idiot!”

Though being hit, I smiled in joy. Though a dream, I realised at that time I was in great favour of Rika’s angry voice. I forgot what happened after that. Where had we gone?

When I was finally able to move around, I immediately sneaked out of the ward without being noticed by Akiko. My body felt heavy and ill; even walking was strenuous.

Although there were a lot of old people in the hospital, they look much livelier than me, walking like tortoises yet passing beside me in great speed. A more frustrating thing was that after three old farts ‘overtook’ me, they turned around to give me a wicked grin. It looked as if Tada wasn’t the only sinister old guy around. Albeit I could almost tear up from my worn out and useless appearance, I knew I deserved for what I had done. I couldn’t blame anyone.

“Fu...”

Spending time minutes, I managed, in any case, to reach Rika’s ward. I knocked on the door. There was no reply.

Rats. Perhaps she went to have a check-up. If that was the case, then I had wasted all this effort. Man, so much for all the painstaking walk.

When this thought was still in my mind, the door was opened with a strong force.

“You big idiot!”

Upon seeing my face, Rika scowled furiously.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

“I have a question.”

I was lying...on Rika’s bed. Of course, Rika wasn’t lying beside me, but on the fold chair. She glared at me with eyes as sharp and cruel as Akiko.

“Why the treatment?”

“You’re a patient.”

“Aren’t you the patient? Your condition is obviously worse than mine.”

I was eyed cruelly.

“I can’t stand you,” said Rika with an insatiable tone.

“Yuuichi, you shouldn’t even get off the bed. You’re a big idiot.”

“I told you it’s fine for a short walk.”

“No.”

“But...”

“No.”

“Umm...”

“No.”

Whatever I said was rejected, so I could only keep silent.

In the daytime, the hospital was noisy, cramped with different sounds. “Lady, that’s very dangerous,” someone cried. Quick walking sounds came from a nurse. Nurses walk with fast-paced steps from day to night. Sounds of a TV anchor came from the adjacent ward: “So our year is coming to a close. Our brewer is now preparing for the first worship in the Ise shrine. According to the traditions, we are very busy preparing for sweet wine every year...”

The sweet wine in the Ise shrine is mixed with large amounts of ginger. I had no idea what those people were up to: excess gingers in wine would only pain your throat. Every year, I would make up my mind to refrain from drinking again, yet I would forget in the successive year and continue gulping those wines.

“Hey,” I said, after settling my guts, “I didn’t take you to the Turret Mountain because of my father.”

Right. I could tell this to her with determination and courage. During the week I laid in bed with fever, I kept thinking about how to tell this to her, these words I wanted to tell even when I lost my consciousness. In any case, I had to tell her as soon as possible. But how will Rika...ah?

She showed such an expression hidden in her words: “Yuuichi. Did you come here to tell me this? You did all this for me?”

What. This was what I got in return.

“So...you forgot everything, Yuiichi?”

“Eh? What do you mean?”

“I was saying...when you passed out in the Turret Mountain.”

Rika was suddenly experiencing difficulty in speaking. This was the first time I had seen Rika in this state. Also, her cheeks had, in some time, turned gradually red.

“Hm. After you fell down, didn’t you...say...umm..that...something?”

“Did I say something then?”

“Yes.” Rika’s face was completely red. “You said it.”

What did I say? I didn’t dare to ask. My face was heating up as well. My palms became damp from sweat. My entire stomach seemed to went up to somewhere near my throat.

What did I say after all?

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

The answer remained a mystery, for, after three minutes, Akiko swooped into the ward, threw me on a wheelchair, and took me back to my ward. On the way, Akiko kept scowling furiously, “How many times do I need to tell you! Your body is inapt for any kind of physical activity. Why don’t you understand? Your mind must be completely empty! I’m sure. Like dry, shrunken green peppers, your mind will make popping sounds once knocked on.”

With that said, she really knocked on my head. It didn’t make popping sounds, though, rather, hard, heavy sounds. It’s still hell of a pain, however. Wasn’t it common to see nurses knock on the patient’s head?

“What did I say when I passed out?”

Asked, Akiko immediately laughed out, making a short cutting sound.

“W-Why are you laughing?”

“Eh? Have you forgotten?”

“I really did say something, didn’t I?”

Being asked a few times, Akiko remained unwilling to answer me. She just kept grinning and smiling, saying repeatedly, “Ayah. It’s great,” or “Being young is certainly different,” or “I’m so jealous.”

What did I say after all?

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

What she referred to as “being young” hinted what I had said was of pivotal importance. When I recuperated by lying on my bed, my body recovered in extraordinary speed. Two weeks after the incident at the Turret Mountain, my fever went away completely. At the same time, Akiko stopped imprisoning me, though the curfew continued. This meant I couldn’t sneak out of the hospital; the most I could do was to stroll around in the hospital. In my stroll, I would often pay a visit to Rika’s ward. Rika acted as usual, being way too unruly, and demanding me to do this or that. On the other hand, I would just heed to her every beck and call. I didn’t know why, but I enjoyed this, perhaps I was intrinsically a loyal servant. Rika emotions would get pretty bad when her condition worsened. In those times, simply looking at her pale face and her posture of lying deep on the bed would make my heart ache and grieve. Anyone could tell Rika’s life was as fragile as a candle in the wind. Rika was clearer than anyone else. On one day, Rika suddenly said something like this: death was her neighbour. Once closing her eyes, she could fell that person standing right next to her. It wouldn’t scare her or call her, but just quietly stand there.

“It would wait obediently for a long time, yet it wouldn’t just vanish or go away. I’m very clear it would stay beside me. Perhaps I could even touch it by stretching my hand. Then, it would, someday, take me to somewhere else.”

This feeling was beyond my apprehension, for even if my condition worsened, it wouldn’t be fatal. So I could only remain silent and keep her company, hoping this could deter the death behind her to a bit farther distance.

I prayed...anytime and anywhere. (Please don’t take Rika away.) I would repeat myself again and again. My wish before was to leave this village and move into the metropolitan, getting into the crowd and knowing all sorts of things. Although I might tear up or think myself a useless piece of trash, life in the city had to be hundreds of thousands of times better than the steady life in this suburban place.

Now I still had that wish, but a stronger, more real, warmer dream had gradually occupied me. For this dream, I was willing to lose everything else.

Hence, I kept praying. (Please don’t take Rika away.)

If the god of death would really appear in front of me, I would denounce him from being a god, until he couldn’t strangle back up. The unpalatable truth was that I couldn’t.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

In one night, before the lights were turned off, I went to Rika’s ward as usual.

“Eh. Yuuichi,” Rika said right upon seeing me,” you’re stressed as well.”

Her heartfelt and sorrowful tone raised my caution. What should I do this time? Would she be asking me to buy her bread or beverages to quench her thirst? Even when I ask her which juice she wanted, she would never answer, or just let me choose. Then, when I had bought it, she would tell me this wasn’t what she wanted and demanded me to buy something else.

Sigh. Why did I choose this path covered with thorns?

“What’s it this time?”

Prepared mentally, I stood up, but something different came out from Rika’s mouth in the next instant: “You don’t have to go through all the trouble to take care of me.”

“W-What’s the matter? Why are you saying that?”

“Isn’t that so? I don’t know how long I’ll live. Perhaps I’ll be gone on the next day! That’s...That’s really going to happen. I have to make myself clear: there wouldn’t be anything good happening if you stick around me; you’ll only bear dismal consequences.”

Her words weren’t overstated but the truth. The flashing gem in my hands would fall off at any moment. However hard I grasped it in my hands, or however I wanted to safeguard it in the depths of my heart, perhaps, when I returned to my senses, I would only find the gem broken to pieces beside my feet.

Rika was smiling at that time. She smiled after preparing herself mentally. Looking at her smile, I couldn’t say words such as “this wouldn’t happen.” Rika understood her fate. She had given up everything. On that day, that day we went to the Turret Mountain, she had made up her mind to prepare herself mentally for death.

I nodded my head to ascertain my thoughts.

“It’s fine this way...” my voice sounded hoarse.

Actually I had to employ different kinds of words to convey my feelings to Rika. Yet, as a piece of trash, I couldn’t make up any word of that sort. Lifting my head, I found Rika eyeing me closely. Her smile had long gone from her face. What the expression she held represented was a bit difficult to understand. Then, I lowered my head again.

Akiko’s footstep sounds came from somewhere afar. Although it was the same stepping sound nurses had specially, the pace of Akiko’s footsteps was always a bit disarrayed. She might be infuriated again; perhaps she threw a large tantrum at someone just now. Akiko’s footstep sounds gradually left until inaudible. At the same time, Rika commenced, “I might have to take the operation.”

I was shocked by this unexpected decision.

“Eh? Is that fine? Isn’t the operation difficult?”

She nodded.

“But if I don’t take the operation, my life would only become shorter.”

“...”

“They say if I take the operation, I could still cling to some slight hope.”

Both of us remained silent for a while.

“I have prepared myself mentally,” Rika said and added later, “..all thanks to Yuuichi.”

The mental preparation Rika talked about just now was different from that she talked about when she was at the Turret Mountain. For a while, I hadn’t noticed this. But this was what she said at that time: she had prepared herself mentally for death. Nevertheless, the mental preparation she talked about was the preparation to continue her life. And for this she would decide to take this dangerous operation. Speaking of which, the meaning of this mental preparation had changed at some time point. I didn’t know what or when it had changed. Although I wanted to know, I, perhaps of embarrassment, decided to remain ignorant.

Rika was flushed. To Rika, who don’t easily get this embarrassed, this expression was perhaps her limit.

“Mmm. Yeah.”

Stuttering and flushing, I had reached my limit as well. To veil both of our embarrassment, we looked through the windows together. We could see the shrine’s forest in a faraway place as well as the Turret Mountain. The half moon glittered with brightness the same way it did that night. So did the Sirius. That brightness showered on us faintly.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

There was one last thing. Tada’s collection was all stacked under my bed. Sometimes my fair weather friends would come and bring away with them one or two. So these stuff were now renamed as Ezaki’s collection. Of course, this was completely kept away from Rika. Do I even have to spell it out?

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