Kore wa Zombie desu ka?:Volume 1 Prologue

(!)

Note: At the beginning of every chapter is a short aside/preview by one character, that (usually) has something to do with the section to follow. I will be translating these in bold before the main story part.

Could you dodge a meteorite?

Well I did. But really I didn't.

An encounter is kind of like a meteorite that suddenly falls on you.

You never know when it will hit, and even if you did you could do nothing to stop it.

What the meteorite is made of, where it came from and what it will do... you can't know any of that.

All I can say is, when a meteorite falls, something gets damaged.

Prologue: As of This Moment, You're Now a Masou Shoujo! Aren't You Honored?

The first summer since I came to this high school has arrived.

Every year it seems someone is debating "When does summer really begin?", but I don't care about that. "If it's hot, it's summertime." Isn't that enough?

I looked up at the clear skies with no trace of the previous rainy season, ignored whatever very useful thing the teacher was talking about, and just sat there enjoying the dullness of the lesson.

Oh, this is so boring. So wonderfully boring. Boredom itself is the most supreme luxury, in my opinion.

I slumped over my desk, exhausted. We were in the middle of a math lesson, but I didn't give a damn right then. I can't help it, ok? I hate the sunlight.

It isn't that I don't like the window side of the room. I consider the second seat from the back on the window side to be a very good position.

Jeez, how dare they throw water-- er, sun on my precious boredom time.

If this were night school, I wouldn't be so bothered. It isn't really about the heat.

It's the sunlight I can't stand. The sunlight!

There's no use in sitting here going on about it. I offer my thanks to whoever invented the curtain.

In an effort to cut off the sunlight, which they say is bad for your skin, too, I leaned back my seat and poked the boy sleeping behind me with my pencil.

"You mind closing the curtain?"

He just kept on snoring away, with no sign of waking up. I ought to just make this jerk sleep for all eternity. You hear me, jerk? I'm gonna eat you up!

Not good, I'm starting to lose it here... I squinted my eyes and glared at the abominable sunlight.

Damn it, if it weren't for the light from that blasted sun, I would fear nothing at all!

Well, if you've been awake through this your brain is probably melting away like a snow cone from the confusion, so let me put this as bluntly as I can.

I'm a zombie.

Uh, also a Masou Shoujo.

Yes. That was my once in a lifetime coming out speech. Okay, time to sleep now. Please let me sleep.

...And would someone please get that curtain?

As I recall, it happened around 7:12 PM.

That day, I had passed the time idling around school until the sun departed; when night came I left the gates.

You're probably wondering why I had to wait for nightfall, but I couldn't help it. If I tried to walk around under the sunlight I would collapse into the dirt almost immediately.

Despite appearances, I am a zombie, you know?

My house is about five minutes' walk away from the school. And of course at this late hour I don't exactly have a love interest to walk with me, so I headed home all alone.

I should have made it home in five minutes, but that day I felt like taking a detour.

Near my house there is a graveyard. It's fairly big graveyard, and like the typical zombie that I am, naturally I love the place.

Perhaps in defiance of the hot end-of-June air, the wind that blew there was cool. In the sky no stars were visible, only the glow of moonlight.

As I proceeded to about midway in, my footsteps made an enjoyably crunchy sound on the gravel. There, in complete disregard for prudence I sat directly on top of one of the tombstones. The chill of the rock felt unbearably good.

In the mood for some moon gazing, I stuffed my cheeks with an onigiri I had just bought. It was a moment of bliss. Ever since I became a zombie, I've been a lot more hungry than usual.

I may seem like a lonely sort of person, but I believe being alone is proof that one is at peace. Alone I can waste time at my leisure. This in itself is my ideal lifestyle.

So, just when I was feeling blissful...

I think I had built up some tension. I took the plastic bottle of green tea I had just finished and hurled it into the sky. It flew so far that it looked like a speck of dust.

As I watched the night sky wondering when it would finally land, I caught sight of something else shining.

A bird? No no, too big to be a bird. And there were two of them. And no matter how I looked neither of them seemed to be my plastic bottle.

I fled from that spot. I didn't panic, nor did I rush. I simply observed their trajectory, figured out where would be a safe place to stand, and moved myself there.

There was a loud "CRASH!" and a hole opened up in the place I was standing.

It blew the gravel on the ground into a tremendous cloud, and sand and rock poured down over the tombstones.

Now I see, this must be what they mean by "heavy rain", eh?

As I silently promised God I would never ever litter again, I made my way back to the newly formed crater.

I mean, come on, anyone would be curious. It had nothing at all to do with me being a zombie.

"Owowowowow!"

A girl wearing a cosplay you'd be hard pressed to find anywhere but a doujinshi sale was there clutching her hip. I estimated her height to be around 145cm.

Underneath the girl, an Asian black bear wearing a school uniform lay senseless on the ground. Also, for some reason there was a chainsaw off to one side.

When I picked it up, it was definitely a lot lighter than I thought. Or maybe it just felt light because I'm a zombie. ...But enough of that.

"Heey!" I called out to the girl holding her hips. She shook her chestnut colored, soft looking shoulder length hair and glared back at me.

Her pupils were large and intense, like a cat's. I wanted to stare lovingly into those pretty eyes, but my gaze kept drifting upward.

The reason for that was the bit of hair bouncing at the very top of her head, a unique phenomenon known as an ahoge.

"Are you all right?"

"Aaaahhh!"

Her mouth opened wide, the girl pointed her finger in my direction. What did she see? Could it be that she figured out I'm a zombie?

"My masou-renki! Give it back! Quickly! Hurry up! Immediately, this moment, quickly, rapidly, directly, in the blink of an eye, shortly, instantly, in a flash, at once, right now, swiftly,　immediately give it back!"

With a clattering noise she stomped her way across the gravel, drawing closer to me.

"Wait! Just hold on a minute. What the hell is a masou-renki?"

As she menaced her way across the gravel her ahoge waved back and forth. But what is the deal with her outfit, anyway? That costume, embarrassing just to look at, went "whoosh" and vanished, twinkling away to reveal her white skin... wait, she's naked?

"That thing that you have! If I don't have it then I can't use my attack magic!"

It seemed she was so angry she didn't even realize her own clothes had disappeared.

At any rate, she had such cute little breasts. It was awesome. Mother, I now know how it feels to truly be alive! ...Even though I'm dead.

"This?" I pointed to the chainsaw in my hand. She made a grab for it.

When she tried to touch it, the chainsaw released a spark like static electricity and stopped her white hand from getting close.

"Ouch! Why?!"

She tried again and again. Each time she came near it sparked. When she tried to force herself to hold on anyway, it turned into a powerful electric shock.

"All that aside, do you have a change of clothes or something?"

"Ah, huh?"

She was probably repeating my words in her head. She thought about it for around 2 seconds. Then her cheeks, ears, her whole face, even her entire body turned red.

"Don't look at me! Pervert! You Ero-Special!"

"Ero-Special? Don't call me something that sounds like Warsman's finishing move!"

Without stopping to debate the matter she kicked me in the face as hard as she could, then hid behind a nearby tombstone.

I wasn't even given a chance to consider going down there with her.

The more than 3 meters tall bear wearing a school uniform bent its knees and jumped into the air, throwing gravel all around. It was the one other thing that fell down here with the girl. Even a zombie like me would be startled, right? It was so sudden.

From when the bear rose high into the air to when it hit me with a flying kick took no more than about 1 second, as I remember. A magnificent quick attack, indeed.

But this was no time to be admiring it. As the heavily muscled foot struck my cheek with full force, my head collided with a tombstone.

Oh, my. I'm so glad I'm a zombie. I feel no pain at all. With my body, I could even smash my little toe into a corner and it wouldn't hurt. I am dead, after all.

I stood up and faced off against the bear. That last attack had knocked the chainsaw from my hand, and it fell to the ground nearby. The naked girl timidly tried to touch it, but of course it zapped her with a spark and rejected her.

"I've just got one question; what is this bear?"

Out of the corner of my eye I watched the girl turn her eyes back to the bear. I don't know where the heck it learned to, but the bear was taking a stance very much like kung fu.

"That's the fiendish high-school girl Kumatchi! You'd better run away! If you don't you'll be killed in an instant!"

The shocking truth. Somehow this bear is a high school girl... or is it? It is wearing a school uniform. That at least makes it a student. Well, taking 700 grains of salt with that,

"Doesn't seem all that fiendish to me?"

The bear before me had big round eyes like a teddy bear. Its fur was pretty, and it was actually kind of cute, ok? Enough so that if it weren't moving it would look just like an enormous teddy bear itself.

"Idiot! You are really stupid! Can't you measure your enemy's strength at all? This is why I can't stand the humans in this world!"

The girl continued on in an amazed tone of voice. You haven't really measured my strength right either, you know.

The not very strong looking, teddy-bear-like, cute faced bear opened its mouth. Then, with its fangs out it turned toward the moon and howled. It was the cry of a wild beast.

At that atmosphere-shaking roar, the girl and I both stiffened in fear. From the bear's mouth a purple poisonous-looking breath rose like a mist around us.

I closed my fists lightly and squinted my eyes.

The bear sucked in its breath and lowered its hips, then exhaled more of that purple gas as it kicked off from the dirt and rapidly closed the distance between us.

A backhand. I caught it with a backhand of my own. That was a marvelous strike, leaning in with its full body weight. It followed up with a spinning kick、then a series of three kicks moving from low to high, then a full-on shoulder tackle. And all of these flowed from one hit to the next without missing a beat. --I can't dodge this, it's freaking impossible!

In short order I was blown away and slammed into the tombstone the girl was hiding behind, pulverizing it.

"Uwah!" was yelled by the girl, not me. I don't feel pain, after all.

"Why did you have to come over where I am? Ugh! Didn't I tell you not to look?! You Eroro Gunsou! Just die already!"

Her already reddened face became even more red, and she started punching me repeatedly. Such a fresh attitude, this one.

"Would a uniform be okay?"

"I don't care!...Huh? What are you talking about?"

Her head tilted. Those large round eyes blinked twice.

"For your change of clothes."

Leaving it at that, I picked myself up and kicked the gravel covered ground.

I aimed for its head and stretched out my hand. The moment we crossed, its fur coated, muscle bound hands entwined with my own.

And the next, it swept my feet from under me and jammed my back into the gravel.

So this bear has no thumbs, but it can still perform a throw, huh? Along with that, it fell over me and elbowed me in the face. This too was with amazing force, and it made a terrible sound as though I had been hit with something like an iron ball. I thought perhaps it made a hole in the ground the shape of my head.

When I tried to hit it with my fist, it instantly jumped back. Again, it took that sort-of kung fu stance by stretching out its hands along the horizon, and waited for me.

Slowly I stood, brushing the gravel off, and once more I held up my fists.

"Don't you get it!? Someone like you can't defeat a Megalo! Now hurry and run away!"

From the shadow of a tombstone flew her nagging voice. Well now, you just shut up and watch me.

There was a single tree that overlooked the graveyard, as if watching over it. The tree swayed in the wind, and its leaves rustled. To me, the sound seemed almost like a cheer.

Once again, I closed the distance between me and the bear. I approached him straight on this time, with the intention of grabbing onto his face.

Once again, the bear’s hand grabbed onto my zombie arm. But this time the bear couldn’t stop me. I grabbed onto his uniform sleeve and pulled the bear towards me, while the other hand grabbed onto his huge nose.

Then I took the howling bear’s head with both hands and twisted. I heard a huge satisfying Crack!. The bear sent a line of drool flying into the air and spun around a number of times before stopping. Then, that three-meter tall bear fell onto the floor with a thud.

Have you heard of the idea that humans cannot use 100% of their strength?

The body can’t tolerate it when you use 100% of your strength, so the brain deliberately locks up some of this power away. Sometimes, in great catastrophes, you can tap into this power. Like at a fire or something.

Well, my body can tolerate it. In fact, I wish my body could lock some of this strength away. I can put out not only 100% of my strength, but 120%. I mean, that’s what I just did. And I can do even more.

I mean, I’m a zombie after all.

My muscles might protest, but I feel no pain. What’s more, my body has definitely become sturdier and heals quickly. Granted, if I use too much strength, my arms might fly off or something in reaction.

While I was thinking about these things, I successfully disrobed the evil high school girl or whatever and handed the uniform to the naked girl.

The girl quickly snatched the huge uniform away from me.

“Look away!”

She angrily issued that one command, and I obeyed. I quickly turned around, and stood there while listening to the rustling sounds of her changing.

“So, what exactly was that bear thing?”

“I told you already, didn’t I?! It was the evil demon baron Kumacchi!”

… Well, that name sure is different.

“But also, to think that a B-class Megalo could be wiped out in one strike…”

“Well, one strike or whatever, if you twist something’s neck around once it’ll die, right? I don’t know a single person who wouldn’t die from something like that.”

Of course, that’s only from personal experience.

It seemed that she had finished changing, and I felt a pull on my shirt.

When I turned around, I saw the girl wrapped around in the huge baggy uniform that was dragging on the floor and had its sleeves rolled up a large number of times.

She was glaring at me and her mouth was twisted into a frown. Her ahoge, as if it was receiving a signal from somewhere, violently swayed from side to side.

“Pick up my masou renki.”

It was right there, but she probably still couldn’t touch it. I listened to her desire and collected the weapon. Even though I was touching it, I didn’t get shocked.

“Geez. Why exactly am I being rejected by this thing?”

Even if she asks me that, all I can do is cock my neck in puzzlement.

“Alright… take me to your house. I have to make a phone call.”

“Phone? If you need a phone… I have one here.”

I took out my cell phone from my pants pocket. I had smashed hard into that tombstone earlier, but it seemed that my cell phone hadn’t broken.

“What kind of sorcery is that?”

Seeing the black cell phone, she took a step back and seemed to fall into a defensive stance. I don’t think she knew what a cell phone was. When I held it out at her, she dodged. Heh, amusing.

“It’s just a phone.”

“Really? If you’re lying to me, you’re going to become like Kumacchi over there.”

She pointed at the collapsed bear. The bear turned into sparkling white particles and rose in the wind, soon disintegrating… I wouldn’t want to become like that.

“Yeah yeah.” I responded nonchalantly, and began to explain to her how to use the phone. Quite unexpectedly, she sincerely listened to my explanation and nodded.

Whether she understood how to use the phone or not, with the quickness of a master of Hyakunin Isshu, she snatched the phone away from me and dialed a number.

Riiiiiing. Riiiiiing. Riiiiiing.

“Ah, is this Dai-sensei? It’s me. Haruna from the refrain year, rising class!”

It seemed she had gotten a hold of who she wanted.

From what she had said about “humans in this world” before, she was probably from another world. I guess phone signals could traverse worlds… and for some reason, the words “refrain year, rising class” had a bad ring to them.

“Eh? Ah, I haven’t found it yet… sorry about that. But there’s something else. I’m being rejected by Mystletainn.”

It seemed that the chainsaw had the fancy name of Mystletainn.

“Ah, yeah. It just shoots sparks at me. Yeah. My magic power dried up? I see… wait! There’s no way a human in this world could have that kind of magical power!”

Oh? For some reason, she seemed surprised at something. She began to pace around the area with a hand on her chin, and appeared to be thinking.

“I see. Certainly, that can be the only explanation. I understand. For now, I’ll do what I can in this world. As for how I’m going to get home… alright. Excuse me. Sorry for taking up your time. Yes. Alright, until later.”

I couldn’t really follow the logic of the conversation, but if you’re done with my phone, please give it back. When I held out my hand, she roughly thrust the phone back into my hands.

“You, you stole my magical power, didn’t you?”

She glared at me with upturned eyes. Why exactly is she looking at me like that?

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Sorry.”

“Who exactly are you? Dai-sensei told me that you’d have to have an impossible amount of magical power to be able to steal the magical power from me, the genius bishoujo demon baroness Haruna-chan!”

So now you’re a demon baroness? Is she obsessed with demon barons or something?

I have no idea about this magical power or whatever she’s talking about. But, I knew one person who was well-informed about this kind of thing. That person was probably at my house right now, leisurely watching comedies on TV.

Well, what should I do? The only two people who knew that I was a zombie were myself and the person who made me this way. Well, I guess it probably is fine if I told it to this “genius bishoujo demon baroness Haruna-chan” too.

“Hurry up and speak! Who are you?! Could it be, you’re one of this world’s wizards?! Y-You thinking of stabbing me to death or something?!”

… What kind of terrible wizards do you know?

“I’m a zombie.”

“Hueh?”

“Just a walking corpse. I’m dead.”

“The undead! Undead demon ba-… no, you’re not a demon baron, that’s for sure.”

She covered up her words mid-sentence. Does everything have to be a demon baron with you?!

“I see… hmm, I see. If you’re dead, it won’t matter if you’re impaled with a sword…”

Why exactly did she want to impale me with a sword that much? Hm? Wait a second. Could it be that she knew that I was stabbed to death?

Lately, there have been a series of bizarre serial murders in this town. I also got involved with that and died… and well, the reason I’m a zombie now is because the murderer stabbed me with a sword. And even if she knew about these murders, would she know that the murder weapon was a sword?

Perhaps… the one who killed me was… her? Her attitude is just too strange…

Exactly what does she know?

“Hey, are you connected to the serial murders?”

“… You’re going to take responsibility for your actions.”

She completely ignored me. Well, whatever. I’ll ask her later.

“What responsibility?”

“My mission as a masou shoujo in this disgusting world was to look for artifacts. Also, to defeat the Megalo that appeared.”

“Ahh, a mahou shoujo. I thought that’s what you might have been.”

“Huh? I’m a masou shoujo! Don’t lump me together with those clichés!”

“I don’t know the difference. So, what are Megalo? Things like that bear?”

“Yes. That frightening thing before.”

“Why are you fighting with things like that?”

Even for a zombie like me, it was a tough opponent. For this cheeky little bishoujo, it was probably a matter of life or death.

“Megalo are little insects that are trying to destroy my world. So if we leave even one alive, there is no future for masou shoujo like me. And that’s why I’m a warrior. Hmph, pretty amazing, aren’t I?”

“I see, so they’re your natural enemies. If they want to destroy your world, why exactly are they appearing in this one?”

“Well, let me just ask you, do you really want to have a war at your own home?”

Well, don’t go and fight at someone else’s doorstep then! Although, if she’s getting rid of things that are also threats to humans, then I guess I’m grateful.

“Anyways, I can’t fight in this condition, so you do it!”

“Huh?”

“From henceforth, you have become a masou shoujo! You should be honored!”

In a flash, she pointed at me with her index finger. What, was this an official decision or something?

“Wait wait. Those, umm… mahou… I mean masou shoujo… I’m a guy, not a girl. You should stop while you’re ahead.”

“As if I care! I told you to just do it!”

Eh, is she deaf or something? Now I know what they mean when they say “I’d like to see her parents’ faces.”

“Please reconsider it. This really is an important point. It’s not like it’s that easy to-“

“And in that time… I’m super ultra mega reluctant but… you’re going to allow me to stay at your house.”

She muttered with a frustrated look on her face, and averted her gaze.

… Give me a break. What’s going to happen to my lonely, boring days if someone as noisy as this came over to stay? Just thinking about it frightened me.

“… You, what’s your name?”

“It’s Ayumu. Aikawa Ayumu… hey but seriously, just think about it a bit mo-“

“… Ayumu. I see. It’s Ayumu.”

How deaf can one person be? I get the feeling that I knew exactly what the inventor of the phrase “in one ear and out the other” must have felt. Even if I told her she couldn’t come over, anything I said that she didn’t want to hear would just not register, right?

And also… this situation was my fault in the first place…?

… Well, whatever. If it really is my fault, then I have no choice but to at least let her stay over. Yes. Life is about accepting things. So let’s not hesitate.

“I understand. I’ll… be a masou shoujo or whatever.”

She was probably waiting to hear my surrender. Her ahoge bounced up and down in a lively fashion and she nodded with a triumphant expression.

“If you’ve decided that, let’s begin practicing being a masou shoujo right away!”

I watched her with my head held between my hands as she pumped her fist in the air, and began to walk with a spring in her step.

“But, I have one condition.”

“What? If it’s something strange, I’m going to kick you.”

“I want you to call me oniichan.”

Ahh, geez, she really did kick me hard. It was a high kick in the style of Mirko Cro Cop.

And well, that was how I was forced to become a masou shoujo.

Even though I’m a guy. And, well…

I’m also a zombie.