Monogatari Series:Orokamonogatari/Sodachi Fiasco 006

As I described, I knew of no common points between Amiko Yurugase and Hitagi Senjougahara except that they were isolated in their classes; however, once I approached Amiko Yurugase to talk, I couldn’t help but remember the time when I first spoke with Hitagi Senjougahara.

I ended up using past exam questions as a reference.

Even though I shouldn’t be using references.

Although this is purely my own intuition, in this world, there are special people who can’t be described beyond saying that they are “special people”, and Hitagi Senjougahara was one of those–though I wouldn’t necessarily go that far, (strictly speaking, that probably just describes people like Tsubasa Hanekawa), even so, I ought to reflect on what it means to be someone in that category of “special”.

Araragi is an exception (to me, everything about that man is an exception), but I should have broken off completely from Naoetsu High School at this point. Even so, the intense impression that girl had left me was that, “Her weak constitution makes her feel ephemeral”.

As if she were really ephemeral with a weak constitution. A little while ago, on my first day of school after returning from being a hikikomori, she punched me so hard I was sent to the infirmary… However, my strong impression is not entirely due to that incident.

Special people.

Of course, I don’t intend to keep rattling on endlessly about what makes special people special–it’s just that I can’t help but feel jealous.

As you know, I am a person who was unable to become special to anyone–I couldn’t become special to Araragi, and I couldn’t become special to my mother… I can’t even say I’m special to myself–but that’s alright now.

Since I’m not special, I can aim for mediocrity.

If I can’t at least do that, I won’t become anything.

But, even so, I ended up thinking about it.

There are not very many people like Tsubasa Hanekawa or Koyomi Araragi–each of them is a single rarity among a million.

I knew the emptiness of the words, “All people are equal,” from seeing people of their ilk, but actually, because people who give off that kind of intense individuality are one in a million, it would be difficult to even encounter one, let alone become one.

That opportunity has probably passed me by already.

…By no means is having a relationship with a special person a purely positive influence on your life, either. I wonder how many hapless ordinary people have gotten carelessly involved with special people, and ended up manipulated, exploited, abused, and discarded.

Thinking of the perils of being blinded by the special radiance of special people, the prudent choice would be to consider those men and women a risk to one’s person and stay away from them.

This isn’t manga.

It’s not a world where it’s fine if your character stands out–I must not forget that no matter how a manga protagonist acts in a story, in the end that’s still antisocial behavior.

It’s interesting to read for pleasure, but trying to act like that in the real world would be a disaster–somehow or other, I’ve ended up speaking about nothing but my jealousy after all; however, instead of complaints and grumblings about those men and women, what I’ve been pondering is rather, how did special people become special in the first place?

I’m always flustered by the argument that, “Although they went through the same unpleasant experiences as me, since they honestly did their best despite that, I ought not to sympathize with them just because of their unfortunate upbringing,” but if I were to interpret it statistically–that is, mathematically–even though it’s difficult for me understand, I suppose I have no choice but to recognize that those words carry certain amount of truth.

I wonder where I could find someone who grew up being abused by a good-for-nothing family like me, but honestly did their best and grew up to become great–well, that’s alright.

But, by the same logic, it seems there’s a considerably dubious reason for why special people are special, though it’s one that’s most like me to talk about.

That would be, that those men and women are special because they’re blessed.

Born in a good area and a good family.

Meeting good people.

Having rare talents, afforded opportunities to work hard–but looking at it logically, those things weren’t special at all; they were commonplace affairs that happen all the time.

However deeply you read the trifling autobiography of a great person that’s spread like a disease through bookstores, however faithfully you implement the lessons written inside, you can’t replicate the same success–even if you vicariously experience the same things as that special person, it’s not like you can become special yourself.

There are certainly rebellious people who can’t adjust to society and end up committing crimes, despite being born in a good area, born in a good family, meeting good people, having rare talents, and being afforded opportunities to work hard.

Statistically, mathematically, they definitely exist.

When I talk about committing crimes, that would certainly be extreme and excessive cases, but that doesn’t change the fact that most people just can’t become special–so, really, just when, where, and for what reason do special people become special people?

Perhaps, if an abject failure of a person like me is just a statistical anomaly on the low end of the scale–then are those men and women just statistical anomalies on the high end of the scale?

I could even think about it from the perspective of evolutionary biology–it might not be a statistical anomaly, but rather a genetic mutation.

Those men and women had been made special for no particular reason, but simply represented an advanced form of human existence–that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but if I were to think of it like that, I could comprehend it just a little bit. I could restrain my raging inferiority complex.

I’d feel better if someone had told me sooner, clearly, that there was no particular reason for those anomalies–that I don’t have to sympathize with the misfortune of misfortunate people, and that I shouldn’t aspire to being special like special people are. Someone like me can be helped just by having someone reassuringly declare that.

Although, in my case, it might be better to describe myself as a malfunction instead of an anomaly… As a failed human who hasn’t been disposed of yet, I have to watch out. I have to be careful.

Hitagi Senjougahara’s special nature, Tsubasa Hanekawa’s genetic evolution, and Koyomi Araragi’s exceptionalism are all things that could only be found at Naoetsu High School–those kinds of characters wouldn’t appear in Shishikurasaki High School.

From now on, for the foreseeable future, the type of people I have to deal with are especially ordinary, overwhelmingly ordinary boys and girls like Amiko Yurugase.

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