On a Godless Planet:Volume1B Chapter 39
Chapter 39: Crying
–You don’t have to cry anymore
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“U-um, um?”
I missed my chance for a lot of things here. But chance or not, I had to do this. Leaving was my duty here. It had to happen. However…
“Okay, Senpai! Bring on the questions and make ‘em as tough as you want!”
He was sparkling.
I couldn’t refuse him, but maybe that meant I was too easy on him. Regardless…
…I’m too easy on myself too.
This was definitely relieving the weight I felt in my chest.
Or maybe I was just looking the other and pretending it wasn’t there.
“Let’s see.”
I checked the Revelation Board he sent me and it did indeed show a list of questions.
It was a long list and honestly a little confusing, so I used the Revelation Board’s voice recognition to narrow it down.
“Um, only the ones I can understand.”
The screen shrank about 7 times and the questions were reduced to just 5.
“Wow. You are dedicated to your bit, aren’t you?”
“Woohoo! Praise from Senpai! Way to go, me! I’m so glad I spent the time to think up all those questions on the way here!”
Was it really that exciting? But anyway, there were only 5 questions left, so I decided to ask them.
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Question 1: What are your hobbies?
Question 2: What is your favorite food?
Question 3: When is your birthday?
Question 4: Have you ever dated someone before?
Question 5: What has your life been like?
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“Um, Sumeragi-kun? Question 1: what are your hobbies?”
He answered immediately.
“Well! It used to be video games and before that it was visiting used book stores on my bike! Tachikawa doesn’t have very many used book stores, but if you go from Akishima to Fussa, there a bunch of independent ones! Since I got some exercise riding out there, my parents were cool with it and I got to buy and read books! Once I finished reading them, I would get rid of the price written on the back and go sell it, find out it didn’t get me any money at all, and buy it back! But once we got a PC-98 and MSX2 at home, all that changed! I started checking for old issues of LOGiN at the used bookstores! And let’s not forget about Technopolis! And the way they kept you from reading Comptiq in the store helped spice things up a little! But my latest hobby is praising you.”
He talked on and on.
He used a lot of terms I wasn’t familiar with, but it was good to have hobbies you could talk about.
“Um, while I do appreciate it, most people wouldn’t want to equate worship with a hobby, so be more careful, okay?”
“Okay! I will! But I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t understand what it’s like to worship you! How can you go through life without knowing about someone so amazing!?”
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“He’s awfully bright and lucid for a fanatic.”
“Bil, try to choose a kinder word next time. Even if it is accurate.”
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“Um, okay, on to the next question. What is your favorite food?”
“I like pretty much anything! I don’t really have what I would call a favorite, but I sometimes get a real hankering for something with a strong flavor, so I’ll get late night cravings for chicken ramen or an okonomiyaki with plenty of sauce and mayo. And I may not like them was much as Yomoji-senpai, but I’ll usually order a lamb steak or mutton steak if I see it on the menu. It’s a bit far, but the Nicola Pizza House near the Yokota Base on Route 16 has the best pizza, but the dandy owner who works as a waiter is getting up there in years and I bet the place will change once he’s gone. But my latest discovery is oden-style pork! I’m pretty sure I’ll be eating that for a while!”
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<When Nicola changes ownership, the rest of the staff leaves and starts a pizza house called Torino in neighboring Akiruno.>
“That is some extremely local information there.”
“Karamucho is better than any of that crap! Why didn’t he mention it!?”
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I moved on to the third question.
“Um, Question 3? When is your birthday?”
“It’s January 1, so it’s really easy to remember! I was apparently actually born at around 11 PM on the 31st, but the hospital asked my parents if they wanted to fudge the timing a little to make it the 1st and they agreed!
“A birthday that requires an explanation!?
“Hell yeah!
“But one problem is how a birthday then means my birthday presents, Christmas presents, and New Year money are often rolled up into one thing. So my parents discussed it with my extended family and they decided a special meal on Christmas was fine, but we wouldn’t do presents. So I usually just get some cold hard cash on January 1 and that’s it!”
That doesn’t sound fun, I thought while moving on to the next question.
“Okay, what’s the 4th one?”
I read the text and felt my heart skip a beat.
“U-um! Have you ever dated someone before!?”
“Nope! Never!”
He did not hesitate to answer.
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“I bet Sumeragi-chan could get a date pretty easily if he wasn’t so dang weird.”
“So you’re saying it’s a lost cause.”
“What would a normal Sumeragi even be like?”
“He wouldn’t make weird noises and jump around all the time?”
“There gooooes 80% of his charrrrm.”
“He’s 80% weird noises and jumping around?”
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I felt like I had asked something I shouldn’t have.
But Sumeragi-kun had written these questions, so it was probably fine. I was worried, but I still decided to move on.
The 5th question was the last one.
…Oh?
I read the last remaining question on the Revelation Board.
<What has your life been like?>
That was an especially easy one. The others had been directly asking about something, but this one was vaguer.
It was essentially giving him a free answer to say whatever he wanted.
“Okay, time for the last question.”
I asked it.
“What has your life been like?”
He responded the very moment I asked it.
“I can’t answer that!!”
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“Eh?”
Why? I wondered. He had answered all the other questions about his past, including something he had no experience with.
So why couldn’t he answer this more open-ended question?
“Sumeragi-kun!?”
He explained it just as I realized what he probably meant.
“My memories aren’t things I actually experienced! They’re all things Balancer invented and stuck in my head!”
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“The only life I’ve had – for the most recent me after the, um, rollback is it? – is what’s happened over the last 30 minutes or so! And if we include the previous High Elder Sumeragis, then I probably have around 2 or 3 weeks of life since I’m the 15th or 16th version. The rest of my past is only false memories.”
But…
“But I do know one thing, even if I only realized it a bit ago. My cicada-short life all started with you.”
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I didn’t know what he meant.
Well, that was hardly unusual with him, but this one held greater meaning for me.
“Why does your life start with me?”
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“Silly girl. Of course it starts with you. Tell her, Sumeragi Izumi.”
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I knew something.
“The original me – the very first one – hasn’t gotten a rerun and I don’t remember anything from that life, but I know I must have made a certain choice.”
This was important.
“The very first thing I did after being created and becoming aware…was choosing you.”
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“…!?”
Senpai grew flustered.
“Choosing me was the very first thing you did?”
Yes.
That’s right.
But she still didn’t understand. Well, she might remember being chosen, but I didn’t know exactly how it had happened.
There were things about this I didn’t know, but I did understand it.
“You know what happened earlier? I woke up remembering I had played a game and I found Balancer lying next to me.”
“B-Balancer!? What was that AI doing!?”
“And Mucho was standing next to my bed.”
“Wait! What was she doing in your room!? Not even I’ve been in there because I’ve only allowed myself to feel its warmth coming in through the wall! Sh-she can’t get away with this!!”
She seemed a little mistaken about what had happened, but I always took her side.
There was only one thing to say.
“Right!? She shouldn’t have done that!!”
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“Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! My lifespan’s in trouble! Or would you say I’m in lifespan trouble!? Bilgamesh! Enkidu! Do something!”
“What do you expect us to do?”
“You should probably try dying. I bet it would make Ereshkigal so mad.”
<Let’s not forget that I’m a victim here too!>
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Senpai checked my health management settings on a Revelation Board and sighed after seeing nothing was amiss.
“That was a close one, Sumeragi-kun.”
“Yeah, but I’m fine. My defenses are lax but tough.”
But anyway…
“While my memories came back to me and I learned what was going on, it occurred to me that Balancer always gets directly involved during critical events.”
That “always” meant something like this must have happened before. But when would that have been?
“When the first original me was rolled out like a limited edition, Balancer must have been there to teach me various stuff.”
Yes.
That had to be it. I was certain of it. Because…
“Balancer takes things seriously, so they would have taught told me that I was a created human and all that stuff the first time. Because that’s more efficient. Balancer’s an inconsiderate bastard, so they definitely would have told me everything without even thinking about how it would make me feel. But that would have let me do something.”
Would have, would have, would have – it was all speculation.
But this was the only thing that made sense.
“I was supposed to participate in the terraforming as an independent being – as a human. Balancer couldn’t intervene, which is why I was created.”
And what did I need to do to do that?
“First, I would have thought about and chosen which god I wanted as a partner.”
And that was…
“You, Senpai. The very first thing I did on my own was choose you.”
Yes. I had.
“All my memories were fake, so choosing you was the very first thing I really and truly did for myself.”
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“–––––––”
Senpai gasped.
That told me I was right.
I didn’t remember what happened back then, but she did.
How could I be so stupid that I forgot something so important? But I had reclaimed some of it here.
“I wonder why I chose you.”
“Well…”
“Balancer would have told me first and foremost that I was a created human and that my entire past was fake. I might have put on a show of being happy, but could I have really and truly happily chosen a partner after learning that?”
It was a good question.
I felt like I could do it now.
But that was because I had Senpai now. At the time, I must have been feeling really blue.
“I would’ve been wondering why I even exist.”
“Sumeragi-kun!”
Yeah. Senpai was worried for me and she was very real. So…
“That’s why the first me looked at all the gods out there and chose one who had been pushed away from everyone else and forced to be alone. I chose a god who didn’t know what to do and didn’t know who she could be with.”
Because…
“That was me. I was the same. If I couldn’t reach out and tell her she wasn’t alone, then I couldn’t save myself. And I could save someone just like me in the process.”
So…
“I chose you…and you accepted it and came to me. You chose to be with a fake guy like me with no past or anything else.”
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Yes.
That had to be how it happened.
And I imagined what the first me would have done.
“Yes. And it must have been a hell of a surprise when I first saw you. I would have been expecting a horrific creature but there you were in all your busty glory, so I must have jumped for joy.”
“I’d rather not say, but you tried to do a backflip, didn’t quite make it, slammed your head against the floor, and ended up with blood all over you.”
“Damn, First Me! You really knew how to express your joy!”
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“Why can’t he ever let it end on the touching part?”
“Pretty sure it’s a kind of sickness.”
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“Lend me your hand, Senpai.”
“Eh?”
She held out her right hand not knowing what for and I took it in my right hand.
“I’m never letting go again!”
“Eh!? Wait, Sumeragi-kun!”
She pulled, but I didn’t care.
“You’re staying with me! That’s not changing! Because I can’t go on without you!”
“But you can’t have me with you!”
“Why not!?”
“Because I’m Iwanaga-hime!”
“I don’t mind! I wouldn’t have chosen you if you weren’t! And choosing you wouldn’t have saved me if you weren’t!”
“But if I stay with you, you might gain a long lifespan! And then you won’t be seen as human any longer!”
“We don’t know that! And even if it does happen, someone else will figure it out! And…”
This part was important.
“If I have to choose between a long life with you by my side and a short life without you, the long life with you sounds so much better!”
“You can’t!
“I can!”
I ran my other hand over the table.
“You feel the same, don’t you!? If you really didn’t want to terraform and wanted to end it, you wouldn’t create such a beautiful table! I can tell! You said you could only create this rocky piece of land, but of course that’s what you make! Because Iwanaga-hime has authority over more than just lifespans!”
I said it.
“The ‘iwa’ of Iwanaga-hime means rock because you’re a rock god. This stone hut and the stone land it stands on aren’t something just anyone could make; they’re the product of your original authority to manipulate rock, aren’t they!? So you must have enjoyed yourself when you were making this place. Because you were finally able to use your power as a god without having to mess with anyone’s lifespan. And you also made sure to give it walls and doors and everything needed to live here so that it could act as a shelter once I came here. That had to be one of your first – if not the first – job you were ever given. And just look at how perfectly flat and smooth this table is! Makes me want to lick all over it!”
“Eh!?”
I slapped myself in the face.
“I didn’t mean to say that!”
I really hadn’t. I really needed to fix that side of myself.
“But it doesn’t matter! What matters is that you really do want to stay here!”
And…
“When I died before, I thought I knew what you wanted, but I was wrong and I tried to act cool while actually disrespecting you. For that I’m sorry. I should have worked with you to figure out a solution to that busty Mesopotamian goddess being ‘granted death’. Because we’re supposed to be doing everything together.”
So…
“Won’t you join me again so we can get a fresh start, Senpai!?”
“…!”
Tears spilled from the corners of her eyes.
But I didn’t think I had screwed up.
This was fine.
It meant she was letting her true feelings out instead of hiding them like she had been.
So I didn’t let go of her hand. We stood up while tugging on each other’s hands.
“We can’t!”
She held my hand and shook it.
“I don’t want to cause you any more trouble! Because…”
Because…
“Because I was so happy when you chose me and when you stayed with me all this time! You did so much for me, so I can’t cause you any more trouble!”
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“Then,” I said while holding Senpai’s hand. “You’re going to return to your virtual manifestation?”
“…?”
My sudden cooperation caused her to lose all momentum, but she quickly wiped away her tears, took a breath, and spoke.
“Yes, I will. Because that would be best for everyone.”
“Okay, you do that. But once you do, I’m going to Balancer and Kuwajiri.”
And…
“I’m asking them to erase all my memories.”
“But why?”
That was obvious. Losing my memories could only lead to one thing.
“Without my memories, I’ll be even dumber than I am now and they’ll have to completely redo the terraforming.”
And what would happen then?
“I’ll have to choose a brand new partner. So Balancer will explain everything to me before I make the choice just like with the first me.”
Yes. And what would I do then?
“I’ll choose you again.”
And…
“They can redo it as many times as they like – I’ll always find you and choose you!”
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“You can’t!”
Senpai frantically shook her head.
“I won’t accept it next time!”
And then I’ll ask Balancer why. And once I know I can’t save myself, I know exactly what choice I’ll make.”
I said it.
“I’ll ask Balancer to erase my memories.”
And…
“Without my memories, I’ll choose you again.”
Yes.
“It’ll keep going like that over and over and over again. I’ll keep choosing you and saying I want you by my side.”
“Why? I’ll take your humanity away from you.”
That really was a problem.
The other gods could take care of all the political stuff, but there was no changing her authority. But…
“Senpai.”
I knew it probably wasn’t possible, but I had to say it.
“If your power does turn me into a god, I’ll spend that long life figuring out a way to remove it.”
“But…”
Yeah, it was time to say something stupid. Something that seemed absolutely ridiculous.
“And I’ll make you human too.”
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It felt so much more real once I said it.
Was it possible in the myths to turn a god into a human?
No, it felt like there was a simpler way than that.
“Let’s finish the terraforming. Let’s finish it for all the planets in this star system. We can let humanity develop here and have a ton of fun while we do it. And that will make you human.”
“Why would finishing the terraforming make me human?”
“Because once this star system is full of humans, they’ll want another planet.”
And I knew the easiest one for them to reach.
“Earth.”
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“Right now, Earth is a godless planet. The two of us can go there ahead of everyone else and create our own new myths there. We’ll prove ourselves here and then be the first on Earth! And then we’ll make a statement with our own myths! We’ll go to that godless planet and create a myth that says: The two of them became human and lived decently long and happy lives together.”
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…Ah.
I realized that Sumeragi-kun had kept his hand on mine this entire time.
His sweaty and firm grip told me just how seriously he was taking this.
…Ahh.
He really had received a lousy lot in life.
He had been created and given a role he had not asked for and now he was reaching a hand out to someone like me because he could not bring himself to abandon someone who reminded him of himself.
Wasn’t there a god out there who could bring him happiness?
But…but that wouldn’t work.
Even if some other god could bring him happiness, they couldn’t save him.
He couldn’t be saved by a god who did not remind him of himself.
So…
“Sumeragi-kun.”
I gave up on something.
“This is going to make me a bad god.”
I gave up on being a good god.
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I wouldn’t worry about anyone else.
I wouldn’t try to do what was best for everyone.
I wouldn’t think about what would benefit the world.
Because…
“Long ago, I was raised deep in the mountains near Mt. Fuji where I rarely interacted with anyone outside my family. But I did hear the stories from wandering gods and the like.”
So…
“When my father told me to prepare to be wed, I thought someone was finally going to love me like in all the stories.”
But that did not happen.
And there was a reason for it.
I thought that reason meant no one would ever love me like that, so I went into hiding and resigned myself to living alone.
But…
“Sumeragi-kun.”
When he chose me, I could have refused. But I didn’t because…
“When I received your request, I was told all about you.”
He had only just been created. He had been given a past, but he was still all alone.
I couldn’t believe they had done that to him.
“I didn’t want you to feel the way I did.”
Yes, it was time I focused on how I felt back then.
Part of me fears I’ll change him and bring him unhappiness, but I can ignore those thoughts.
Instead, I’ll focus on my efforts to make him happy.
That settles it.
It isn’t logical.
It isn’t even emotional.
I can’t change how I feel about things.
I’ll simply obey the part of me that wants to do that for him.
Maybe you could call it faith. And if so…
“Make sure to praise me every day. Cause I’ll leave otherwise.”
“Easy peasy! I can praise you right now if you want!”
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“Whoa.”
Shifu had a reason for crying out: her footing.
The ground below her feet had been breaking and shaking due to the battle, but it suddenly calmed down.
It was no longer shaking, but she was freed from the shaking so suddenly she lost her balance.
And that was not all.
“Sumeragi!?”
Tooru looked back to see the stone hut.
Light was scattering all around it.
It came from Revelation Boards.
A countless number of ether lights played the trumpet and burst just in time for more to appear and create a blizzard of them. It rapidly spread out to reach the battling gods, remaking their surroundings into a wasteland of scattering light.
“This isn’t normal, is it!?”
“Did she activate the Extend setting!?”
Senpai-chan’s level kept going up, which could only mean one thing.
“He brought her back, didn’t he!? They’re back together!”
“Oh, but we miiiight be in dangerous waters now.”
A lot of time had passed out here.
“It’d be great if she fixed this up real quick!”
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“Sumeragi-kun? Could you look the other way for a second?”
I did as Senpai asked inside the stone hut full of scattering light.
What was this about? The situation seemed kind of familiar.
…The Crane Wife!
That was it. Was she going to turn into a crane and make a kimono while I wasn’t looking? That would make her a furry, but Shinto is cool with anything! So it’s cool with me too!
“Okay, you can turn back around.”
“Don’t worry, I’m completely fine with furry stuff! A nice thick coat of fur would be great!”
“Eh?”
I punched myself in the jaw. You throw a nice punch, kid. …But anyway, I was bleeding a bit in my mouth, but it was within acceptable bounds. Then I looked to Senpai.
“Huh?”
She was wearing something different now.
It looked like it was based on the new style uniform, but it had long sleeves and a lot of scattering flowers and stone objects as decorations, making her look like the intellectual female general in a tokusatsu show. I doubt that comparison will mean much to anyone, though.
“This is my equipment or clothing as a god. Because my casual clothes are so unfashionable. Since you worship me, it seems I can enter this form when the conditions are right.”
“So it’s like a Super Transformation or something?”
“My divine rank is terrible…but I can still do something small like this.”
“This is small!? But it’s so cool! It has powerful Iwanaga-hime energy!”
But something else was bothering me here.
“Um, Senpai?”
“Y-yes?”
“Well, um.” I was hesitant to say it, but I decided I had to be honest here. “I can see through it!”
“D-don’t say that so loud! And, well, the thing is…this was designed for when I got married.”
“So…have you ever worn it before?”
“It’s been in storage since I first tried it on and I only just now remembered it existed.”
That’s such a Senpai thing to do, I thought while she stepped closer.
She wrapped her arms around my head, which naturally pulled me towards something.
…Those giant see-through boobs are all I can see!
I could die happy now. There was no way I would lose this memory if I rolled back again. I was certain of it. But…
“Oh.”
Lips pressed against my forehead.
She kissed me.
After a pause, she stepped back and smiled in front of me.
“That means you’re mine.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much!”
Our eyes met and we both smiled.
Then she gave a small bow.
“Now, let’s get a fresh start.”
“Yes, let’s do that! But make sure to remove the see-through setting before going outside!”
I didn’t want anyone else to see that.
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