Phenomeno:Case 07

Case 07: The Portrait of a Lily

I have few memories of my childhood.

No, that statement is bound to give birth to misunderstandings. Let me rephrase, my memories of childhood -- they're filled with problems surrounding a certain light -- perhaps that would be a better way to put it.

I later found out that the light was called a Biophoton. In the world, it's called an aura or a ring of light, the halo that's often depicted in Buddhist paintings. And I was able to see that light since childhood. It always shone alongside the outlines of a person.

Bright lights, Dim lights.

Swaying lights, Blurred lights.

Within them were red, white, blue, purple, and countless other colors; Since I was little, I think I distinguished people by the colors that entwined them, rather than their face, their clothes or their height. My mother was this color, my friend Chi-chan from kindergarten was this color, this color belonged to the man from the grocery store, that color belonged to the neighborhood kid who would bully me, and so on. I used to think that everyone was like that, and my carefree feelings led me to think that their colors were beautiful, but it wasn't until I was in the first grade of elementary school that I realized that I was the only one who identified people by their colors. I stupidly ended up talking about those lights to my classmate, and they shouted, "Shiina-chan, you're so creepy!" I got so startled that I stopped talking about it after that.

I asked my parents for advice, and they took me to an ophthalmologist. However, no abnormalities were detected in my eyes. I could see inorganic things with ease. But all living things were accompanied by some kind of light. In junior high school, the aura ended up becoming more and more prominent, and I suffered like a neurotic. I saw a psychiatrist as well, and had a neurosurgical examination. None of the results were abnormal, and none of the doctors could understand my suffering. From that time on, I gradually began to distance myself from my friends, becoming a girl who read books alone in the corner of the classroom. In this world full of light, books alone were my silent companions. They were able to give my heart peace and calmness. Perhaps it was because I continued to read in the dark, which had become such a stronghold of my heart, that my eyesight began to deteriorate. It got to the point where I couldn't even see the words on the chalkboard unless I wore glasses, and I thought that if I did that, I might not have to suffer from the auras of people that only I could see. I didn't want to wear glasses, but I still hoped that my eyesight would just about disappear.

And yet -- it seemed to have no direct relation to how good or bad my eyesight was. As usual, people were glowing, and the degree of glow was different for everyone. On the contrary, as my eyesight diminished, the colors of people's auras which had only been several were now so strong that I could distinguish dozens of different colors.

When I entered high school, I felt that power was at its peak.

Once, while I was commuting to school in the train, I was so overwhelmed by the light emitted from those around me that I lost consciousness. When I regained my senses, I was lying on a train seat, being cared for by many people. Many people had given up their seats for me during the overcrowded rush hour. I felt ashamed about that, and I also felt unbearably scared and resentful of my unexplained nature. There were many times when I thought that I would be better off destroying my own eyes.

And then, on a certain day --

"You can see them, can't you?"

That voice suddenly called out to me as I entered the school gates. I turned around to see a person clad in a gold-colored aura standing there.

No -- that dazzling glitter was different from gold. That light was mixed with a somewhat dull, purple color. I could also see something that resembled black smoke. I strained my eyes, desperately searching for the source of that person's light, their real body. That person was clad in the same black blazer uniform as me. A tall, slender female with an exceedingly beautiful face. Her eyebrows were arched in the shape of a crescent moon, and her eyes underneath were thin and long, full of affection. The bridge of her nose stretched out nicely like that of a foreigner, and her lips drew an alluring curve that even I, a woman, was shocked to see.

"Sorry for being so sudden. But I felt like I had to say it out loud. The lights you see -- they're called Biophotons, and all living beings have them. It's not really abnormal or anything."

"...Huh?"

"I should introduce myself first."

She smiled gently and held out her hand.

"Ayana Takamura. Third-year student."

I unconsciously squeezed her hand in return -- and was surprised at how cold it was.

Her hand itself was very soft, but I couldn't feel any warmth in it, as if it wasn't even alive.

"I can see them too."

".........Huh?"

"Come and visit me whenever you like. I'm usually in the literature club or student council after school."

I later found out that she was the current student council president, and head of the literature club. From what I heard in class, Ayana-san was very famous. Or rather, my classmates were surprised at me instead: 'You didn't know about Takamura-san?' Was their response. Regardless of gender, everyone became overzealous when talking about Takamura-san, as if they were fighting to be the first to talk about her. Her family apparently had a very long history, and that she was said to be descended from nobility. Excelling in both school and sports, she was a school record holder in track and field, yet despite that, she focused on her student council duties and the literature club. She's been elected as student council president for two years in a row, and in studies, she's ranked between first and third in her grade since she entered school. She's kind and friendly to everyone, and has the ability to handle the so-called "dirty talk" with the boys. Since her freshman year of high school, she seems to have received countless love confessions from seniors and boys of her grade, but has no romantic stories involving her, she's also popular among the girls as well. Why didn't I know about a super high school student like Takamura-san up until now? I wondered that to the point where I felt ashamed of myself.

I imagined a lily in full bloom on a hill where only dandelions grew carefree. As if this entire world had only her on it, Senpai stood alone and indifferent.

Even though she told me I could visit her whenever I liked, there was no way someone like me could readily visit such a great person. It had been about a week since I first met Takamura-san, and my high school life continued as usual. Yet still, with Takamura-san's words in mind -- "You are not abnormal" -- they helped me keep calm through the days.

"Hey there, Kurimoto-san."

One day, as I walked out the gates to leave school, I was called out again.

In front of my eyes was a complex golden-colored person --- Ayana Takamura was waving at me.

"T--Takamura-san."

"Good afternoon. Are you doing well?"

For a girl, Takamura-san was really tall. Probably around 170 cm.

As a short girl, I was overwhelmed by her gaze as she looked down at me.

"Hahaha, yes. I'm fine."

I replied awkwardly, when I suddenly realized.

How did she know my name? The other day, I was so stunned by everything that happened that I couldn't even introduce myself properly.

Ayana-san proceeded to smile pleasantly and spoke as if she read my mind:

"I remembered your class badge and came to visit during lunch break. You weren't in class at the time, so I asked about the girl with the red glasses -- one of the kids in your class told me: 'That must be Kurimoto-san'."

---Did that kind of thing happen?

For some reason, my face turned deep red, and I apologized.

"I'm really sorry. I usually eat lunch on a bench out in the courtyard -- after that I'm usually in the library reading."

"It's not something you have to apologize for. I see – The library, is it? Do you like books?"

"Y-yes."

"I wonder what kind of books you read. If you can, how about we visit the literature club right now?"

"...Huh?"

"Let's have a cup of tea. I wanted to have a talk with you. Are you free?"

She smiled gently at me, and without thinking, I vigorously nodded.

The literature club room was on the second floor of the prefabricated club room building at the north end of the high school.

"Well, come in."

Takamura-san took a key out from her pocket and opened the door, invited me inside.

The interior was a neat and tidily arranged room about 16 sqm in size.

There were three bookshelves, and a four-seat desk in the middle. In the corner of the room was an electric kettle and a few cute-looking cups placed upside down. But anyway, I think I felt quite excited at that time.

"Please, have a seat anywhere you'd like."

'Y-y-yes', I replied as I hurriedly placed my bag down on one of the chairs, and sat down on the next chair, looking around in circles.

Takamura's scent softly drifted in the air, and it truly felt like this place was Takamura-san's castle.

I'd never used perfume before, but that alone made me feel as if I'd stepped into an adult space, as if I was softly floating in midair. While Takamura-san was making tea, I finally managed to calm down a little and carefully examined the club room.

The bookshelves were crammed with pocket paperbacks.

There were authors I knew, and names I'd never heard of before. There were books I'd always wanted to read, and whenever I'd find one of my favorite titles, I'd feel a little happy. All the bookshelves had a large shelf at the bottom, where the club magazines published by the literature club were neatly arranged. After I'd finished glancing over the shelf, I looked around again. The windows were tied with pretty and serene curtains, and on the wall were several posters by artists I didn't know.

And when I saw one of the posters--

I felt a chill, as small goosebumps creeped up on me. In the clean and mature atmosphere of the club room, the design of the poster alone seemed somewhat bizarre. In the picture, a white cloth was draped on a chair, and on top of the cloth, was a woman's head. You could call it creepy, but in the warm atmosphere of this room, that alone seemed to vividly stand out.

While I pondered over such things--

"Sorry, I'm afraid I can only offer black tea."

Takamura-san placed a steaming white cup in front of me.

"N-not at all. It's fine. Thank you."

I gently take the cup in my hands, then--

"Are you curious about that poster?"

Takamura-san smiled as she grasped her cup with both hands.

"Eh, no...."

"That was made by Beksiński. Zdzisław Beksiński. A Polish painter, photographer and artist who was also passionate about computer graphics in his later years. I love his work."

"I-Is that so?"

Gently sipping the tea from her cup and nodding, Takamura-san continued happily:

"What is art? There are so many self-proclaimed artists in the world, but sometimes, I get the feeling that real artists don't exist anywhere. And I feel that the title of 'artist' should never be used to describe oneself. When your work comforts others, isn't that when you truly become an artist to someone?"

I was somewhat spellbound by Takamura-san's expression as she spun her words in an elegant manner. I didn't know what made a painting good or bad, but for the first time I was surprised to see a student who seriously contemplated the interpretation of paintings and art, like how an art teacher would.

"However, this much is true."

Thereupon, she unexpectedly lowered her voice:

"The depth of one's art is proportional to the depth of one's sorrow."

"...Huh?"

"They say that people act to fill in the void in their lives, but -- Bekcinski was unhappy, so his work is imbued with a special kind of emotion."

"Is it sorrow?"

I asked in reply, and Takamura-san nodded her head.

"That's right, this person's life was a series of despairs. In his youth, he bore witness to the Nazi invasion, and in his adult years, he experienced Poland’s turbulent political period. Yet he continued to draw despite all that, and at last, when his paintings were finally recognized, he lost his beloved wife. Furthermore, in the year that followed, his dearest son committed suicide. And finally, two days before his birthday, he was stabbed to death seventeen times by the son of his lifelong friend.”

“…..”

“Even after death, his sorrow didn’t end. Fifty-nine of his works were bought by a Japanese man, who then disappeared. The location of those works is currently unknown. They’ve disappeared into the darkness of this world, without even being able to be experienced through the eyes of people.”

In spite of the weather being quite warm—

I felt a faint chill, and Takamura-san finally spoke in a whisper:

“Maybe that’s why… it’s been said that if you see this painting three times, you will die.”

That moment, I felt the head in the picture turn towards me –

I felt a chill up my spine.

The eyes of the woman on the chair slowly turned towards me.

I couldn’t bear to keep staring at the picture any longer, suddenly averting my gaze, I noticed –

Senpai was staring my face.

Those eyes -- were empty, and there was a light in them that seemed to be devouring everything in sight, as if to fill that emptiness with something.

Startled, I clasped my hand in front of my chest.

“—Just kidding.”

Senpai suddenly smiled.

“It was just a joke.”

“…Huh?”

“I see it every day, but as you can see, I’m still alive. Sorry for teasing you.”

Takamura-senpai laughed with amusement, and at the same time, I let out a deep sigh of relief.

I secretly examined her expression once again, but her eyes had already returned to their usual shine.

She merely stared at the poster, pressed the cup against her well-shaped lips, and smiled.

---

I became a member of the literature club soon after that.

I liked books, and I was relieved to be close to someone who understood my unique condition of being able to see people’s auras, but most of all, it was because I was charmed by the third-year student --- Ayana Takamura-san. She was someone who always gave me peace of mind. When I was confused about my future career path, she immediately replied: "Do what you love.”

“The thing that people love to do – Yes… the thing that they work on so hard that they forget to eat --- that is certainly the talent granted to them by heaven.”

Takamura-san often referred to the word ‘talent’ as ‘gift’.

I learned that in English-speaking countries, the word ‘gift’ took the meaning of ‘being granted something by heaven’.

“So, in a way - being able to see people's auras is also a gift of yours.”

She smiled at me.

“So, Kurimoto-san, what do you want to do in the future?”

“…Errr..uuhh…”

I hastily gathered the thoughts in my head.

“Well, I-I’d like to understand the things that I can see. Is it a sight-based phenomenon? A psychological phenomenon? Or some kind of cerebral phenomenon? I’m not sure, but at any rate, in the future I’d like to study in a place where I can specialize in such things.”

“That’s good. I’ll be cheering you on.”

Takamura-san smiled and patted me on the shoulder to encourage me.

After that, my life as a student changed completely.

I was still a bookworm, but I wasn’t just reading novels, I started reading a wide range of books – books on Psychology, Cognitive science, Auras in terms of the occult, and Ethnology. As my knowledge broadened, so did my interest in people. In myself, and in others. With that, I came to recognize that just as I was myself, other people were a group who established their own individuality. After all this time, I finally realized that everyone carried their own individual hardships, joys, and values. Perhaps it was because I was able to think like this that I started to talk to my classmates, whom I had been casually avoiding, and I think I became a little more active. I could still see people’s auras, but I was less likely to panic when I saw them. Of course, it was still scary, but not as scary as it had been.

“Say, Kurimoto-san.”

After school, I was organizing past club magazines in the literature club room when I was approached by Takamura-san, who was sorting through the shelves.

“Yes?”

“What do you think about this?”

Takamura-san held out her cellphone.

“Are you asking me about the cellphone’s design?”

“No, no. This message.”

Takamura-san laughed as she brought her cellphone close to my ear.

I heard something like a static buzzing sound, and a small bubbly sound you’d hear from an air pump in a fish tank.

“The reception is quite bad, isn’t it?” I answered, ‘Is that all?’ Takamura-san looked at me with amusement.

“You didn’t notice anything at all?”

While saying this, Takamura-san operated the cell phone and handed it to me again.

She seemed to set it up so that I could listen to it again from the beginning.

I pressed the receiver to my ears once again, and concentrated on listening to the sound in its entirety.

The bubbly sound and the electric buzzing sound. That really was all I could hear. I was about to say that out loud --- when I noticed. Beyond the noise, there was another sound; something else.

“…Huh?”

It was… a person’s voice. A slow, muttering voice, like a slow spinning record. A man’s voice. I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but it's definitely someone talking about something—

The moment I realized that, I got startled.

Before I had realized, the interior of the room had grown dark.

No -- from my eyes, from my brain, the blood was rapidly draining away.

This wasn’t good. This was – I’d experienced it before. It was similar to the anemia that happened when I was exposed to the auras of too many people. I might lose consciousness at this rate. Fearing that, I tried to move my ear away from the cellphone.

But --- my fingers couldn’t move. The cellphone stayed clung to my ear just like that. Was this the ‘paralysis’ that people often spoke of? Everything in my body stopped moving as if rejecting its owner’s command. All I could do was remain still as the man’s muffled words poured into my ear. The sound of bubbles, which was supposed to be coming from only one ear, was now coming from both ears, making me feel as if I were submerged in the deep sea, and I felt suffocated. No, in fact, I became unable to breathe.

“Ku…Gu….Guwaaa.”

In tears, I reached out for help.

Towards my senpai who had saved me from the suffering of seeing auras ---- Towards Ayana Takamura-san.

However—

Senpai stood there – she looked at me with the same empty eyes I had seen once before. Ayana Takamura-san’s expression was cold, and she gazed at me as if… as if she were devouring me, me who was unable to breathe, shedding tears and asking for help. I felt something resembling a fierce appetite in those wide, open eyes. She stared at me in silence, as if to burn the image in her memory: The moment of me being swallowed up by a muddy stream, and drowning to death.

“S…Senpai…!”

Even so, as I desperately reached out to her with tears in my eyes –

Finally, Senpai reached out to me.

She brought her hand in front of mine, and slapped it with great force.

The sound made the air vibrate sharply, and tore up something. In an instant, my body became able to move. I moved my ears away from the cell phone, and collapsed on the floor, desperately trying to catch my breath.

“Sorry, sorry. You alright?”

Saying that, Takamura-san gently massaged my back.

My breathing slowly returned to normal, and the scenery regained its brightness and color.

However, I had no clue as to what had just taken place.

“I guess this was too soon.” Senpai said and smiled quietly.

I would learn much later, that it was not a wrong number or something like that –

Takamura-san had gone to a place in Okutama where suicides occurred frequently, and simply recorded the sound there.

“They… exist everywhere.”

“I have no idea where they come from.”

“And they're very sensitive to the fact that they're being watched."

After a while, when things finally calmed down, Senpai spoke those words.

“Senpai, what are ‘they’?” I asked.

“Ghosts.” Takamura-senpai simply replied.

“I’ve been able to see them since I was a child.”

“G-Ghosts?”

-- Ghosts -- you mean the ones under the willow trees? Or the ones that have a grudge with their hands pointing downwards…… that kind of thing?

Senpai smiled in reply, ‘I think it’s a little different’.

“Not all of them have eyes, hands, or a human shape. Some of them are mere white shadows, and some of them are just sounds. However, I believe they were all originally the same thing. They are thoughts, fragments, and residues of what was once a person. And what's more, the biophotons you see. I think that’s them too.”

“H…huh? Huh? B-but Senpai. The things I see are just lights and--”

Senpai then put her long fingers to her chin and nodded.

“Listen carefully, Kurimoto-kun. The world is truly multi-faceted. What appears square-shaped to one might appear a sphere to another looking from another angle. In short, what you perceive as mere lights, look distinctly human in shape to me.”

“…”

“Well, for convenience’s sake, I call them ghosts -- but I'm not sure how to formally define them. However, it’s perfectly commonplace for them to be everywhere. I wish I could introduce them to you, but they are timid in their own way, and I don't really know what they are thinking.”

Ayana Takamura-senpai smiled, poured hot water into a cup, and handed it to me.

“Drink this, and then take slow, deep breaths. Put some strength in your stomach. Don’t worry, the living are much stronger than the dead. As long as we stay strong, they can’t interfere with us.”

I was abruptly being bombarded with such unbelievable things one after the other, but one thing became clear to me in my confused mind.

The reason why Senpai’s existence stood out among the other students.

The reason why she alone had a detached atmosphere about her, as if she was looking down on the world.

It was because the high school girl known as Ayana Takamura stood face to face with the world beyond.

---

“There are things that come out of the living, things that have been scraped off and float around. Most of them vanish with the disappearance of the body, but there are a few that wander around in this world even after the body’s disappearance. You may not be aware of it, but the lights you see probably contain things that are no longer alive. And they’re very sensitive to being seen, to being perceived. In other words, it’s as if you're walking alone in the endless darkness with a seven-colored electronic billboard on your back.”

On a certain day, Takamura-senpai talked to me and handed me a piece of paper with something strange written on it.

“This will keep them away, it’s what you’d call a good luck charm.”

“…A good luck charm?”

“That’s right. I knew it since the first time I saw you. You were just like me, wandering in the same dark abyss I’d been suffering in. Topics concerning ghost phenomenon are mostly avoided in this country. There’s a tendency to dismiss the occult as mere fairy tales, and it’s difficult to even research it. But without a doubt, they are everywhere. They’re always there, watching us in silence. With a keen eye, they look for those who might perceive them, and they cling to them.”

I gulped at those words.

“Go on, then. Chant these words. And recite them every morning and night, and whenever you get a bad feeling.”

“…Y, yes.”

I nodded, and chanted those words out loud without knowing their meaning.

Written in Hiragana, those words were easy to remember. They had a unique rhyme to them that made them audibly memorable. Repeating them just a few times was enough to soak them deep into my brain. They seemed to quickly melt into my bloodstream and run through my body.

However --- I think it was after that.

Strange things seemed to start happening around me.

In the morning, when I was brushing my teeth in front of the mirror, I saw someone standing behind me in my reflection. It was a transparent figure with long hair who smiled faintly. When I was lying down with one knee up, I felt someone’s hands on top of the knee. At night, when I was studying, a page of the dictionary which I hadn’t touched lay open in front of me. During times like that, I’d be so scared that I would recite the ‘good luck charm’ Senpai had taught me. I’d close my eyes and repeat it in desperation, strongly believing that it would be enough for them to leave me alone. However, the frequency with which something was hanging around me was only increasing.

In the daytime, I saw a person standing on top of a telephone pole.

On the ceiling of the room, a large face appeared.

The train window reflected an empty carriage without any people.

When I rubbed my eyes and looked again, things were normal.

However, whenever they materialized, a strange sound remained ringing in my ear.

Being at a complete loss, I consulted Senpai about it, who reassured me:

“There’s nothing to worry about. They had been clinging to you as they pleased up until now, so they’re desperately trying not to be torn off.”

“I-is that so?”

I believed those words.

With all my heart, I concentrated on chanting the good luck charm.

Eventually, my vision became darker and heavier, as if I were always wrapped by darkness. I became unable to tell the difference between yesterday and today, and time passed as I continued walking along an unending dark road.

But then --- on a certain day…

I noticed it during chemistry class in the lab.

The chemistry teacher, dressed in white, put an old ten-yen coin into the beaker, and poured in hydrochloric acid, a reducing agent and sodium chloride.

“Being soaked in these liquids, this ten-yen coin will be polished as a metal.”

The ten-yen coin immediately regained its original vivid and golden-looking color.

Holding that up in a happy way to the students, the look on the teacher’s face was just like Senpai’s when she was gazing at me. That look was very similar to the one Takamura-senpai sometimes showed. Somewhere In the depths of her vacant eyes, a glitter of ecstasy shone forth.

“Experiment.”

All of a sudden, that word flashed across my mind.

--Am I not the ten-yen coin in that beaker?

--Am I not the subject of some kind of experiment?

The moment I thought that, my body stopped moving. Just like when I was pinned down by Senpai’s gaze back then, I ended up becoming trapped in Senpai’s eyes who wasn’t even here. In the twinkle of an eye, I felt helplessly exposed as my individuality whittled away. But if it is some kind of experiment, what in the world is it about? What is Senpai trying to do by using me?

Holding my breath in, I thought about such things, when something suddenly appeared on the blackboard. An empty part of the blackboard with no writing on it became distorted into a murky, swirling vortex. The next thing I knew, the room had grown eerily dark, as my heartbeat quickened.

--I’m scared.

The inexplicable events that were happening around me were unbearably scary. Am I at the bottom right now? Or does this hole go even deeper? It felt like I was wandering down a horribly misguided path. And something was staring coldly at me while I was curled up in fear. That empty gaze that seemed to snatch away all my trembling emotions, it filled me with fear.

--But even though it was unbearably scary.

At that time, I could neither run, nor could I turn away. It was because somewhere in that gaze, I sensed the urgency of a baby crawling towards me. The urgency of an infant desperately reaching out for its mother –

--Is what I thought, at the time.

---

During the early days of summer, Senpai remained absent for a few days from school.

From what I heard, her father had passed away. She was the most famous student in the school, so that sad news spread rapidly in all the grades. At that time, that news was treated as a sad matter worthy of everyone’s sympathy. When Senpai did return to school after a few days, there was a swarm of students who were worried about her as if it was their own personal affair. Senpai acted as cheerful as she could towards everyone, which helped her garner even more sympathy. However, not long afterwards, news spread of her private tutor passing away. One month afterwards, Senpai’s homeroom teacher committed suicide. As autumn arrived, I heard a rumor that a third-year boy who had been persistently trying to pursue a relationship with Senpai, jumped off the school roof.

I think that was around the time…

--Many people close to Takamura-senpai have died.

Such a rumor began to be whispered in secret. Of course, it was about Senpai -- the super high school student. There were still many who sympathized with her, and it was a small-scale rumor, so it took a long time for it to reach my ears since I didn’t have a wide circle of friends.

And then, on a certain day—

“Shiina-chan, can I talk to you for a moment?”

After school had ended, Kotoka Suzumoto-san, the girl I got along with the most in class, came to talk to me. I followed her to the back of the school building, where she uncomfortably began to speak.

“Say, did you hear the rumor about our senpai in second-year, Nakajō-san?”

“Nakajō-san? No.”

I shook my head, and Suzumoto-san bit her lip in response.

She remained silent for a while, before finally making up her mind to speak.

“Shiina-chan is a member of the literature club, right? Makoto Nakajō-san was also a member for two years.”

“Was…? Ah-it’s just me and Takamura-san right now, so I guess that person quit the club?”

“No, It’s something I heard from my senpai in the Brass band club, but apparently… she stopped coming to school. I don’t want to make a big fuss about it – but she’s not in a normal state.”

“…Eh?”

“She only wears white clothes, shuts herself inside her own room, has talismans posted all over the walls, windows and the door. At any rate, she spends all day cowering in fear. She yells, ‘It’s over there, I can see it.”

Those words made something cold crawl on my back.

“Why would she -- Nakajō-san, was it? Why would she end up like that?”

“Well….”

Suzumoto-san hesitantly looked down and mumbled.

However, I somehow already knew what Suzumoto-san was trying to say.”

“Um… I heard a rumor saying it was Senpai’s fault.”

Suzumoto-san eventually said it out loud, causing my body to tremble.

“That’s why, I got worried about you, Shiina-chan. Takamura-san is a great and wonderful person – but, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

I smiled and said that – but…

Even after I parted ways with Suzumoto-san, I couldn’t get rid of the chill that lingered in my heart.

According to her story, only special students were allowed in the literature club. The only students who could join the literature club required special permission from Ayana Takamura, who had absolute influence over the school. Come to think of it, I did find it strange. Takamura-san was so popular, yet why were the two of us the only members of the club? There should have been a lot more people willing to join. However, according to Suzumoto-san, that was because Takamura-san silently selected members on her own. Even if someone wanted to join the club, she would casually decline them during the interview as the club head. ‘This club is going to be dissolved soon’, or ‘You’re better suited to a sports club’, were the usual reasons given for declining. In that sense, the fact that I had joined the literature club was something special, and for a time, I was secretly the object of envy and jealousy in the classroom.

--What does it all mean?

I thought to myself.

Was it because I could see people’s auras, like Takamura-san? Does that mean that my senpai known as Nakajō-san, who had stopped coming to school, could see them as well?

Takamura-senpai definitely has some strange aspects about her. Since I became a member of the literature club, I came to know of her extraordinary obsession with things not of this world. Her fascination and research into the existence of ghosts. She had a deep knowledge of the occult, both ancient and modern, and admired the works of Eliphas Levi in particular. But I thought that was just something that girls of this era liked. Or maybe that's what I was trying to believe. Perhaps it was the influence of having been saved by Senpai’s words after I’d been suffering from seeing biophotons since childhood. I tried to believe that interest in things like fortune telling and spirituality, was particularly specialized in the case of Senpai who had exceptional thinking.

But my steps were heavy as I left Suzumoto-san and headed for the club room alone.

--I too, will soon end up like Makoto Nakajō-san, won’t I?

Will I stop going to school, wear white clothes, and be frightened of something invisible?

--No.

The darkness in the presence that lies ahead spreads much further.

Now, I can feel the presence of what’s known as death right by my side.

It was not a death that would happen from old age decades from now. Rather, it was a premonition of a sudden death arriving in mere weeks. But strangely enough, death itself was not so scary. If the world of the living is this world, and the world of the dead is the world beyond – then for the past few days, I can’t say with certainty that my surroundings are this world. The boundary between the two worlds is dissolving and collapsing, and I don't feel the life force in anything that makes up this world. In the midst of people’s radiating light, I felt as if I alone had lost my light.

However, right now—

I didn’t think it was such a bad thing.

All humans must die someday. Without exception, they will die. The question is, were you a person who could become someone needed by someone else while you were alive? I had begun to think such things without realizing –

In a panic, I looked around. My surroundings were full of bright, laughing and bustling students, I alone felt dark and dull.

I dragged my heavy steps to the club room; through the window, I saw the lights of the room were turned off. I had heard about the location of the duplicate key, and before I bent down to retrieve it, I tried pulled the door open. The door wasn’t locked at all. I slowly opened the door, and a fragrant scent immediately drifted through the door, the moment I realized what it was --- I ran inside and closed the door.

In the dark club room, by the window-side, Senpai was sitting on a chair smoking a cigarette. With a vacant expression, a white ectoplasm-like smoke drifted from her lips. The sweet, thick scent made my head spin. But more so than that, it made me panic.

“S-senpai.”

A vacant looking Takamura-san looked my way.

Her face looked pale, whiter and more transparent than usual.

“Hey.”

“W-what are you doing?”

Senpai motionlessly stared out of the window in response.

I moved to ask once again, when –

“I’ve been thinking.” Muttered Ayana Takamura-san.

“About where… people go to.”

“…Huh?”

“From here on, where is the human species heading? Space? Another dimension? I think neither. From now on, humanity is headed towards a more inner world. But in a future where the individual world becomes shared and crowded, can individuality truly be established?”

“….”

“In a shrinking world, the idea of artificially creating a Mary – haha. The world is so twisted, isn't it? You don't even acknowledge the existence of ghosts, but you place more importance on the spiritual path than on humans. That's why things are going in unpredictable directions.”

I had no idea what was she saying. Anyways, I shut the window and spoke:

“Senpai, smoking will get you expelled. Doing something like that as the student council president is just…”

“…Right.”

“P-please put it out this instant.”

“I mean, it’s fine, isn’t it?”

Takamura-san smiled silently.

“It’s fine if I stop being the student council president, I don’t care for any more prestige. I don’t even want to give birth to a child – Ah, a flesh and blood child, that is.”

“I-I don’t know what you mean. Anyway, *cough* It’s so smoky in here, if a teacher comes—”

“...So that’s it, you might have a child in the future. Sorry about that.”

Despite apologizing, Senpai showed no signs of putting out her cigarette.

The cigarette between her long fingertips was stretched so far out that the ashes were about to drop down.

“Adults are such assholes.” Senpai eventually grumbled.

“If being an adult means having to compromise, then I don't want to be an adult at all.”

“…”

“Don’t cause trouble for people. Cut off small, irreplaceable things in order to conform to society. To do so, lie and justify your actions. No matter how correct an opinion might be, eliminate anything that threatens a stable society. Or pretend to never see it. Ignore it as if doesn’t even exist. Most people do not see the truth. However, the countless things that have been eliminated are still there, despite not being seen.”

“Are you…”

For some reason, the words naturally came out of my mouth.

“Are you talking about ghosts?”

In response, Takamura-san looked at me in surprise – and smiled silently.

“I see. Ghosts are that as well. That’s right, It’s about ghosts.”

She chuckled feebly; her large eyes narrowed as she muttered:

“Ah, I see. That's why ghosts will never disappear from this world. Because people unconsciously acknowledge the existence of what they've been trampling upon.”

Enshrouded in the sweet white scent, senpai smiled.

“I can see their suffering. That's why I don't want to belong to the side that tramples on them. If I could reduce it to just one perfectly clear thought, it would be this: This body is a hindrance. Humans only believe the things reflected in their eyes. It is in the body that all bonds reside. That is why, I don’t need something like a body. That’s why, I want to erase this body tied down by bonds before my soul is corrupted.”

The smile on her face was transparent, like a dream- - it was as if she herself were a ghost, and my legs began to tremble.

“Say, Kurimoto-san.” Senpai suddenly spoke.

“Let’s take a photo together, shall we?”

“…Huh?”

“I’ve always hated photos, and I haven’t had one taken one in a long time – but, it would be nice to share at least one memory with you.”

Saying this, she brazenly stubbed out her cigarette against the window sill at last, and stood up. She grabbed the polaroid camera used for covering news, and left the room. Flustered, I chased after her, coming out into the courtyard, she called and stopped one of the students nearby, and asked them to take our photo. We lined in front of some large zelkova trees. Senpai put her hand on my shoulder while I was still in a daze. Her hand was soft, and her scent was wonderful as she leaned in close to me.

--The scent of a lily.

An inexplicable sadness swelled up in my heart as I thought that. I don’t know where that emotion came from. However, my feelings towards Ayana-senpai – sometimes of admiration, sometimes of fear – and finally realizing that I liked her so much that I didn’t want her to leave. I recalled the lily in the language of flowers. It represented purity and innocence. This person could see everything people unconsciously overlooked – no, the things people had to overlook in order to keep living.

How painful must that have been?

How it must have made her want to scream out.

If a person had to take in the thoughts of all those around them in their mind, they wouldn’t be able to keep their mind normal for even a single day. It must have been hell to be constantly exposed to the dark emotions that no one ever expresses. I could only imagine how painful it must have been for Senpai, who managed to cope with everyday life with her extraordinary mental strength and analytical skills. For a long time, I was troubled by the light that people gave off, and I wished that I could destroy my eyes -- but in my heart, I caught a glimpse of the path that Senpai had taken.

With a click, the shutter sounded—

Senpai thanked the student as she took the camera.

She took the printed picture from the polaroid camera which was still not fully developed, and looked up.

She squinted at the dazzling green trees of Koumei institute, and spoke:

“Someday, people will pay for what they’ve done.”

Under the white, dazzling sunlight seeping through the trees, she whispered:

“The violent revenge of countless thoughts that have been trampled for the so-called greater good of civilization will happen before our eyes.”

Those words were like an old forgotten prophecy. Like a melody that had leaked from the Akashic Records, something no person could overrule, had rung out into the world.

After that, Ayana Takamura-san turned to face me once more, and handed me the photograph in silence.

In it, were two high school girls.

In the sunlight seeping through the trees, the two of them smiled like some kind of miracle.

“This is my last order as the club head.” Senpai spoke to me while I was looking at the picture.

“From this moment on, forget about me.”

“…Huh?”

She seized me with her clear, gentle eyes, and spoke:

“Forget what I said, what I did to you, my face, my voice, my scent, everything. Forget it all, and don't come back here again.”

---

Soon afterwards… Senpai disappeared.

The sudden disappearance of the student council president: It caused a panic in the school, and a missing person report was immediately filed with the police. Every nook and cranny of the school was searched, and I think the whole town was abuzz with commotion for a while. It was probably related to the fact with the fact that Senpai’s deceased father was a famous businessman who had been donating a lot of money to the school. The school went to extraordinary lengths to try and find her. However, a month passed with no sign of Senpai’s whereabouts. There was a rumor saying she committed suicide, but I didn’t know what it was based on, and from having known Senpai up close, albeit for a short time, I didn’t believe it so easily. She definitely said she wanted to erase herself – but I couldn’t help but feel that the word ‘suicide’ didn’t fit Senpai. She had a strong grasp on everything from where she stood, and a strong will to accomplish her goals.

Most people, including myself, can only see what lies in front of us, what is right next to us, and our own footprints etched behind us. However, I felt that Senpai was always gazing alone at something that lay far beyond in the distance. She had a kind of solitude that was similar to enlightenment, as if she was looking down on everything alone from a position much higher up than the clouds or the sky. For that reason, I felt that her actions would not be meaningless. The beauty of her actions would be noticed by many people only after viewing the record of her chess moves – is the image I had which was hard to erase. That was precisely why, no matter what, I couldn’t believe the rumor of Senpai ending her own life.

However, even after two months had passed, Senpai still didn’t appear anywhere.

And, as if becoming bound to Senpai’s words, my feet receded from the club room.

I couldn’t believe that Senpai was dead, but I also couldn’t feel her presence in this world – It was hard to explain this strange feeling. It was as if she was right by my side, but I also felt that I would never meet her again. At any rate, I stopped chanting the ‘good luck charm’ that Senpai had taught me, and before I knew it, I was no longer seeing strange phenomena.

And it was probably around this time, when…

The auras of people which had tormented me so much, disappeared entirely from my sight. It was as if Senpai had taken away all my mysteries, and the world became inorganic. It was not something I could immediately get used to, since I was used to seeing auras since I was a child -- but gradually, I began to distinguish people by their faces. It felt so refreshing, as if I had been reborn.

The seasons changed from winter, to spring—

I moved on to my second year of high school. Takamura-san’s class graduated, and it seemed everyone finally accepted Ayana Takamura’s disappearance. The school had been dark and depressed for a long time, as if it had lost its sun, but as if it was all swept away with the emergence of the cherry blossoms and the freshness of the new students, it was beginning to regain its peace.

But since then, strange rumors started being whispered in secret.

“Last night, I saw Takamura-senpai.”

Such rumors began swirling simultaneously everywhere.

There were many rumors, like someone who saw a shadow looking their way through the library window, or seeing a figure walking up the stairs of the school building, and it even involved a teacher who suddenly gazed somewhere and blurted out: "Huh? Is that you, Takamura?”

It was probably the numerous rumors that spurred me to do it.

On a certain day after school – I proceeded to the literature club for the first time in six months.

I opened the door with a spare key and at the same time, a nostalgic feeling poured out from within.

Nothing had changed.

Takamu-san’s scent still lingered everywhere, and the bookcase, table, and cabinet with the tea set were still there.

On a narrow vase by the window-side, there was a single flower, a lily.

It was, a black lily.

It was like Senpai: a lonely, solitary and beautiful lily.

The moment I saw that, I sensed a large void unfold in my heart. I felt like I wanted to cry, yet no tears welled up in my eyes, nothing but the wind swept through the sudden void in my heart.

Just beyond the window, the branches of a cherry tree grew in luxuriant abundance, swaying gently in the spring breeze.

The wind shaped itself in a spiral, causing the cherry blossoms to flutter in the air.

It made me realize that even if I didn't like it, the seasons were changing.

And it indicated that I alone remained left behind in the season Senpai was in.

--Why… are you sad?

Together with the cherry petals blowing against the window, I thought I heard someone's voice.

I don’t know, I answered quietly.

--I see, It’s your gift.

I choke up at that nostalgic, scornfully worded expression.

And when I realized that the voice belonged to the Takamura-san who lived inside of me -- I gasped.

I once again took a look around the club room.

I touch the desk, the window frame, the floor - all of it.

I traced the edges of window frame and bookshelves with my fingers.

--Isn’t it strange?

Everything is the same in here. It's been half a year since anyone came to this club room. And yet, there’s no dust, no stagnation in the air. And the strangest thing of all was that this black lily by the window-side that was in full bloom. How can this lily still be blooming when even the water in the pitcher dried up long ago?

When I realized this, my heart began to race so fast I could hear my heartbeat.

Could it be—

Could it be that in this room…?

No, in this school… is she still here?

Even though we can’t see her, is Senpai still here?

Something cold ran down my back.

I suddenly felt someone's eyes on me, and I turned around… to see the woman in the Beksiński poster on the wall… staring at me.

I shook my head, trying to shake off her gaze.

That’s when I found the notebook on the table.

It was written in Senpai’s handwriting, and titled: ‘Dictation -- or the research of texts or sequences of text whose meaning, when understood, can cause spiritual phenomena.’ As if drawn toward its long title, I touched the notebook, and at that moment, I was filled with terror. The notebook had the texture of human skin. I gulped, and sat down in the chair. In the light of the setting sun, I opened the notebook alone in the club room. There, in careful handwriting, were a series of words that made no sense at all.

『The inside of a mirror. The mirror’s bottom. What do you see in there? 』

『Why are you back? Why are you red? I'm lonely. It's so noisy. 』

『A black train. It's bright red. But it's fast. Because It's very fast. 』

It must be some sort of poem. I didn’t know what it meant, but when I read it, something felt distorted in the words inside. It felt as if a fire was burning in the back of my head, and I quickly turned the pages as I skimmed through it. But --- I stopped my fingers at a certain page. Therein was the ‘good luck charm’ that I had been made to chant repeatedly. And next to it, as an explanation perhaps, was a small note from Senpai.

--A taboo word that separates the subject from their guardian spirit.

That's what was written on there.

And at long last, I finally realized.

As I had thought, I really was being experimented on. Senpai had gathered the effects of these distorted words from countless books. The person who had stood between me and the world that I had been so afraid of, who had existed like a bulwark for me, was slowly disappearing at this moment. But I felt no hatred. Instead, what welled up in my heart was an inexplicable sorrow.

--- Kotodama hide even more amazing potential.

--- The wasteful potential to clean humans who are garbage.

Cleaning…humans? Tilting my head in confusion, I turned to the next page, where I found a page filled with paragraphs of text. They were normal sentences, but the content within was anything but.

The story of how Senpai had a step-mother. Her step-mother, who didn’t cook her any dinner, only doted on her younger step-sister, what’s more, she was having an affair with the home tutor Senpai’s father had assigned her.

Of how her homeroom teacher, who committed suicide, was persistently trying to woo her despite having a wife and child.

Or how the third-year boy who had been after her tried to attack her after school.

And…

How a new life came to dwell within Senpai’s body.

Senpai bore a strong resemblance to her late mother, and in desiring that…her father -- her real father, kept visiting her room. He had crossed the line between parent and child since her middle school years.

–I’ve always hated photos –

Suddenly recalling Senpai’s words, I collapsed down on my knees. I almost threw up the bitterness that was bubbling up inside me, but somehow managed to hold it back in time.

Senpai was—

Senpai was not perceived as a daughter in her father’s eyes. She was the spitting image of her deceased mother. That drove her father mad, and made her the object of her step-mother’s envy. Senpai was never in the wrong – but, knowing that her mere presence distorted the world around her, she must have suffered for a long time.

I took deep breaths to calm my racing heart, which was on the verge of bursting – and managed to trace the words once more.

Let’s shift the distorted axis on which they stand a little further, is what Senpai wrote in the memo. Let’s replace the letters in their vision to taboo words. Little by little. Just a bit at a time. They will see it unconsciously, and it will remain as a seed in their heart. Eventually, the seed will sprout, and blossom. They’ll be swallowed by the weakness in their heart. Their minds will be buried by their negative consciousness. How easy it is to kill someone; all you have to do is change the direction of their mind just a tiny fraction. It’s fine if they normally turn their face away from what they don’t want to see. It’s fine if the pain of what they’ve trampled on always lies in wait besides them.

Senpai’s father, who poured his twisted love in her, fell down the stairs and broke his neck. Senpai’s tutor, who was having an affair with her step-mother, got caught in the wheel of a truck, turning into nothing more than pulverized meat. The homeroom teacher who was trying to woo her, slit his own throat with a kitchen knife, the resulting blood splatter reached all the way up to the ceiling. The male student who tried to assault her, jumped off the top of the school building, his head crushed deep back inside his body.

Right next to those grisly scenes, the image of Senpai, with her vacant eyes sprung to my mind. Thin as a paper doll, she stood lurched over with her dark, hollow eyes.

I snapped the notebook shut. Where am I? Who am I? I wanted to properly recognize that, so I opened the window. Sticking out my face, I pumped the spring air, full of life, into my lungs.

--There’s no doubt about it anymore.

Senpai killed people, and not just one or two. It was something that would remain hidden for eternity, as long as no one found this note. No, even if someone were to find it, who would believe such a thing? The idea of killing people through words. In this country, talking about ghost phenomenon is frowned upon. The occult is nothing more than children’s fairy tales, and it’s not even researched.

As I regained my breath, I looked down at the notebook again - and the moment I noticed the words inscribed on the back cover of the notebook, I got inexplicable goosebumps.

--Hey, did you notice?

Those words, with an unknown addressee, concluded the book.

I don't remember how long I was there alone.

I just sat back in my chair, holding the notebook in my lap, dumbfounded. The wind blowing in from the window had turned cold, and it was now completely dark outside.

I stood up feeling dizzy, and closed the window.

And…as I was about to turn on the light switch—

I suddenly heard someone’s voice close to my ear.

In a panic, I switched the light switch on.

However, the room remained dark as the fluorescent lights remained off. Despite this, I kept flipping the switch on and off again and again with my trembling fingers.

In the darkness, that voice continued to whisper in my ear.

--Humans are the embodiment of malice.

Those…were words Senpai once spoke.

The voice continued to echo around me as I kept clicking the switch.

“It’s best to be suspicious of what appears to be good at first glance.”

“People only act according to their interests, and they can be perverted in any way by their interests.”

“Sinful acts were unavoidable -- is how they justify it afterwards.”

“They pretend not to see the things they trample underneath.”

“Religion, music, novels, movies, paintings...”

“It’s all a business.”

“They're not there as a piece of a dream…”

“They only serve as a gateway for someone’s profit through the economy.”

“The only way to break free of this twisted world – is to erase the body.”

Senpai’s countless remarks replayed in my head like a chorus.

Or so I was trying to believe.

--Everything in this world is a lie.

The black miasma that fills the club room almost engulfs me.

I continued to feel someone's eyes on me. That gaze was right behind me. I was alone in the room, of course. But there was someone standing right behind me. A nostalgic tall figure stood there. But it wasn’t the person I knew anymore.

--I’m scared. But it was useless to try and run away. I somehow knew that if I ran, I would be chased for the rest of my life. It was already there. Senpai had strongly rooted herself inside me.

I balance my heart.

I catch my breath.

I put strength in my stomach.

“I—”

I can’t show any weakness. If I do, I’ll be taken over. I’ll be swallowed up by the bottomless darkness that was closing in right behind me.

“I think it’s not just malice.”

It took all I had to spout out those words.

“Because Senpai, you—”

Unbeknownst, tears had started to flow from my eyes.

“You told me to forget everything, didn’t you?!”

The person known as Ayana Takamura, knew where she stood. She knew where she stood, and she probably knew that she was in the wrong place. Yet, she remained there helplessly. She stood there, alone and isolated, wanting someone to understand her. She just wanted a person who could see things the same way she saw them. She had been searching for a long time, but she couldn’t find anyone who could stand there. No – she finally learned that she couldn’t let them stand there. That’s why she told me to forget everything.

What should I do? Senpai had disappeared. She ended up vanishing. In all likelihood, she was no longer a living being. How should I confront this thing that used to be Senpai from here on?

I found myself standing under the lights which had switched on—

I took out a plastic garbage bag from the cupboard, then threw the notebook inside, and the vase along with the black lily into it. I then ripped the poster off the wall while doing my best not to look at it, and threw that into the bag as well. I put the tea kettle in there, and everything that had a trace of Senpai’s presence. I thoroughly cleaned everywhere in the club room as if I were trying to erase all traces and signs, everything of the other world that Senpai was engulfed in.

I have to start over again. The only way to get rid of these inescapable thoughts is to overwrite them. This club, this school, must be reborn as an origin of hope. From now on -- I must face the monsters as myself. I must walk the depths of the other world with my body firmly tied to this world.

From here on, I must bear the abyss of the other world -- for the rest of my life.

After using up all my strength to clean the club room, I ran outside.

Under the setting sun, I rushed away from the school without looking back.

---

Under a clear, blue sky—

White smoke billowed from the incinerator up to the heavens.

Early next morning, I arrived at school before classes started, visited the club room again, and threw away the functional bookshelf. In its place, I set up an old bookshelf that was abandoned behind the library. I swapped all the books as well. I swapped all the curtains, the slippers, and everything else with things I had brought from home. I carried out all of the things with a strong trace of Senpai one after another, and brought them to the front of the incinerator on a cart. One by one, I threw them into the fire.

--Let’s disband the literature club. But if that's all that’s done, the club room will come back to life again when kids who are interested in literature appear. So, I should close the club and start a new one here at the same time by borrowing the name of my friends. A club that will put off any ordinary students wanting to join – That’s right, a club that gives the impression of being too complex to join would be good. How about something like ‘Journalism Research Society’?

(-- Constantly updating information, is that your gift?)

I hear Senpai chuckling under her breath in the blowing wind.

I ignore her voice.

Pretending not to hear anything, I throw the black lily in the fire.

(-- But… it will betray you someday.)

As I listened to that voice in the wind---

I took out that photo from the plastic bag, and put it into the incinerator while trying not to look at it.

It was instantly engulfed in the fire. In the churning orange flames, the polaroid photograph crumpled as it writhed in the heat.

“……..Goodbye……..Senpai……”

I heard my voice mixed in with the sobs, as if it were someone else’s. In the midst of the blurred and crumbling scene -- Senpai was still smiling gently.

---

“It’s already…. been five years since then.”

With the long, long story finally over—

Krishna-san took a sip of iced tea, which was now completely lukewarm.

Even though it was early October, the sound of cicadas reached my ears, as if representing the unyielding summer that persisted.

In any case, I had no idea what I should say. It was my first time hearing this story, and yet somehow, I felt like I had heard it somewhere before.

“The reason I became involved with the world beyond -- well, it was because of this. I must continue to investigate. I have to keep looking into the traces of the faint ‘them’ that Senpai referred to. Their sorrow. Their delusions. I have to keep my mind steady so I don’t get swallowed up by it, and proceed with their classification. If I don't do that – then sooner or later, I’ll be swallowed by her eyes.”

Krishna-san spoke with a somewhat distant look in her eyes.

“I don’t know if what I’m doing is actually confronting things. Maybe I'm just running away. But by watching my Ayana Takamura-senpai up close, I learned that there was a world I could not step into, no matter what. I learned that there was a world right next to us we shouldn’t get deeply involved in. That’s why I felt I had to classify it. And that was the beginning of the website ‘Ikaigabuchi’.”

I squirmed and looked to the side, and saw Yoishi sitting there, expressionless as ever.

A few days had passed since Krishna-san had lost consciousness in the club room.

On that afternoon, Yoishi and I had been abruptly called up to the club room by Krishna-san, and while I had expected her to start lecturing us, she unexpectedly told us the story about her high school days. The story behind her Senpai who had disappeared.

“That was not Senpai’s only experiment involving taboo words. She had placed countless taboo words on stone monuments, the school anthem, and student council slogans that students casually looked at throughout the school. Most of them have now been corrected or removed. But I didn't know about that book mixed in with the other library books.”

The petite occult site manager spoke with a sorrowful face that was uncharacteristic of her.

The book she was talking about was of course ‘Rororo’. The book that bastard Sako had taken away, it seems the crazy person who put the book there was her Senpai. In the clock tower, in the cat, in the club room early in the morning, and in the library, I learned that the dark gaze that had been staring at me was apparently her.

“So, after that Senpai of yours disappeared, that’s when you met Sako?”

Krishna-san silently nodded.

“I told you before that I had been through a lot – well, even after I changed everything to new in the literature club room, I still continued to hear Senpai’s voice for a while. I ultimately met him through a priest who knew my parents. That was when I finally managed to stop hearing Senpai’s voice – but it still didn’t disappear completely. Just by living my life, my spine naturally distorts, and I start hearing Senpai’s voice again. That's why I've been getting my spine corrected on a regular basis. But the other day, Takita-san showed up unexpectedly. And he told me, ‘It's time to cut off the source.’”

“Cut off… the source?”

“He was trying to remove all the taboo words that had been left behind in the school – he was probably talking about ‘Rororo’. That’s what he said. He asked me to lend him any of the things left behind by Senpai. So, I offered him the notebook that contained the taboo words – but that’s when that photograph fell out of it. That photograph Senpai and I had taken together. I thought I had burned it properly – but… no, I don't know if the memory of burning it was my desire or not -- I just don't know anymore.”

As I stared at my lap in silence, Krishna added with a groan.

“Anyway, I think it’s best to leave it to an expert from now on.”

…An expert. In short, that means it’s up to that bastard Sako.

Somehow or another, I had understood most of the story--

But even after I had finished listening, something creepy still remained. That Senpai of hers, the mystery of what she was trying to do by laying out all those taboo words on campus – and the fundamental question of where she had disappeared to and what became of her.

I asked Krishna-san, and she just shook her head slightly.

“I don’t know. No… to tell you the truth, I don’t want to know. My honest opinion might be that I don’t want to think about it at all. I have a feeling that the moment someone figures out Senpai’s plan, is when it might actually be realized.”

I shuddered at her words.

That’s right – that book she wrote. It was titled: ‘Dictation -- or the research of texts or sequences of text whose meaning, when understood, can cause spiritual phenomena’.

“It's been five years since then. Takamura-senpai is probably not alive. But if you ask me if she has disappeared from this world, I can't confirm that. That’s because Senpai’s thoughts still exist everywhere in this school.”

After that, Krishna-san shifted her gaze to the gloomy, silent Yoishi sitting next to me.

“Yoishi Mitsurugi. I sense that you see a different world than most people. And that means it's different from what Nagi-kun and I see. It’s filled with things people shouldn't know. It’s filled with things that shouldn’t be talked about. That's why I warned Nagi-kun not to get involved with you. Do you have any objection to that?”

“…I don’t.”

Yoishi muttered.

“This person and I just can't get mix.”

“Well, it's true that the confused emotions inside me are encouraging that idea even more. In other words, you remind me too much of Takamura-senpai, someone who went too far into the other world and couldn't come back. That’s somethings that’s very sad. A person who has discovered the depths of the darkness. And someone else who has become connected with that person. Mutual involvement leads everyone to misery.”

“That’s true, certainly.”

Yoishi nodded while swaying her leather shoes one on top of the other.

From the window of the Beatnik Research club, cheerful laughter emanated from the students outside and reached our ears. A breeze full of life poured into the room. Feeling it on my cheeks – I also felt an immeasurable distance between myself and Yoishi, who was sitting right next to me. It’s true that I also felt that Yoishi did not stand in the depths of darkness by choice. Something unthinkable happened in her past, which turned her into this supernatural psychic antenna that everyone is pulled towards. But I also knew that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I still have a functioning sense of fear. In addition, I'm much more unqualified than others as an occult enthusiast, and a weakling to boot.

That’s why –

That’s why, it’s impossible for me to be your friend.

I failed to say those words out loud; all I could do was continue to look downwards.

How much time had passed—

The black shadow gently moved besides me.

Yoishi lifted her pale face, straightened her legs, and leaned forwards to speak.

“But – it’s already too late.”

With a start, Krishna-san looked up as Yoishi continued:

“Because after all, the subject of that missing Senpai’s experiment… is not you.”

“…What are you saying?”

“In your evaluation of the person called Ayana Takamura, you said this: She had a strong grasp on everything from where she stood, and a strong will to accomplish her goals. She also had no lingering attachments to her flesh and body.”

“What about it?”

“With respect to the various details you’ve given us this far, you still hold a very clear memory of Ayana Takamura. It's so vivid that I can picture it in my mind when I hear it. She provided you with just one escape route, and yet, you failed to notice it.”

Krishna-san’s face grew pale at Yoishi’s intermittent speech.

“Why did you tell us about her?”

“That was because….”

“Why do you still have the notebook?”

“That was… to research taboo words, just in case….”

Krishna-san’s voice grew hoarse, as Yoishi shook her head, ‘No’.

“Ayana Takamura told you to forget everything. Her face, her voice, her scent, all of it. You were supposed to forget everything the same time you burned all her belongings. And yet --- just now, you’ve spread her existence into this world.”

Those words made Krishna-san lose her voice, and my vision darkened.

Krishna-san hated the darkness that had swallowed up her Senpai, but she couldn’t hate the person her Senpai was. That was because of Krishna's kindness and compassion, the foundation of her humanity. I knew that this compassion served as the source of her strength. But –

“Humans are the embodiment of malice.”

Without showing any mercy, and with glee spun in her words, Yoishi continued.

“That of course, includes the person who uttered those words, Ayana Takamura herself. And right now, everything is going exactly how she wished.”

Somewhere far away, I heard someone’s laughter.

A laughter filled with delight echoed, indicating that everything was going according to their plan.

The laughter kept ringing in my ears; I shook my head, as if to drive it away. But the black fog that engulfed my vision grew thicker and thicker.

Eventually, Yoishi stood up on her own, and spoke:

“In the language of flowers, the lily represents purity and innocence – but the black lily means something else.”

She slowly walked up to the door, where she turned to face us once more.

That pale face filled with ecstasy. Those dark eyes that shone with a bewitching glow. As if enjoying our speechlessness, she spoke:

“It means, ‘I curse you.’”

---