Talk:Campione!:Volume 11 Chapter1

NOTE TO EDITORS:

I will be taking over if Black_Saber has not resumed working on V11 by the time I finish V10. This includes re-translating Chapter 1 because a lot of terminology did not follow the guidelines. In light of that, please do not worry too much about editing the earlier portions. Thanks! --Zzhk (talk) 17:24, 17 October 2012 (CDT)

Please review the Names and Terminology page and note that we are using "mage" instead of "magician." Thank you. --Zzhk 18:01, 2 August 2012 (CDT)

Just for the record, this translator already stated that English is not his/her first language, so I commend all editors on their efforts. As for specific issues, I'll just address one (the last time I edited someone else's chapter, I ended up re-translating most of it), regarding the use of <> brackets. First of all, the convention in all the other volumes has been using square brackets [] instead. Second of all, I agree they shouldn't be overused.

In the Japanese, there are two types of quotation marks: 「」 and 『』. 「」 is essentially speech and converted to "" without question. In eastern languages, 『』 is used for quotes within quotes or special emphasis. For quotes within quotes, single quotation marks '' are adequate. Personally, I am opposed to non-standard uses of English punctuation, so in the case of emphasis, these 『』 should be rendered bold, italicized, or just plain capitalized. However, since a lot of B-T translations do use [], I've conceded to use square brackets to denote very specific repeated terminology.

So editors, I thank you all for your efforts. My suggestion is to replace <> with [], bold, italics or capitalization as you see fit. --Zzhk 18:52, 2 August 2012 (CDT)

Editing Changelog -Betacyanin 18:21, 2 August 2012 (CDT)

Nothing else to do today so I started going through this for the hell of it. Also, now I remember why I stopped editing a long time ago. Jesus Christ the sentence structure. Note that I'm not a nippon!banzai desuboy, so I edit for English readability and flow.

Made an editor's changelog file out of conditioned reflex because FREAKING PAVLOV old habits die hard, and it's much easier to remember the more important changes you made. Copy/paste/format of it, only wrote down things of relative importance, preferably get more than one or two opinions if reverting random things. You know, discussion.

• Isla Sardinia sounds infinitely better, but not much of a change. No idea why it's 'Italia' though.
• "From all of the noticeable foods that he could mention," -> "Looking at all the noticeable foods that he could name," because that's the best I could do. Otherwise it was a lot of engrish. May want a tl check to see if 'looking' conveys it well.
• "Their hoods were deeply dropped down, so their faces were hard to see." --- There's a phrasing for a hood being over the head and face, and I can't think of it.
• "In order to respect the famous name of <Copper-black Cross>, we will use the most wicked magic." In order to -> Out of respect for; not sure on this one since it doesn't make sense either way.
• altered some uses of 'young man' to stuff like 'kid' and 'boy,' as it's overused. Not much of an issue to change back, but sounds clunky being used so much.
• "If he has to put it into words, it's 'cunning.'" --- used to be quick-witted, thought cunning worked better for her.
• "If you ignore her looks, you'll find she's dreadfully evil." -- added 'you'll find' to make more sense with the flow.
• "the seventh Campione that slew a God." -- was 'slays Gods,' this makes more sense contextually but she may have been speaking about Campiones in general.
• "Even then, he finally spoke." -- I have no idea how to phrase this and not look stupid. Have fun.
• "Pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps is the appropriate action." --- Original was 'To jump by yourself is the appropriate action.' Same meaning (unless mistranslated or edited), and a much, much better localization.
• "Erica is a prodigy with high expectations for her the future. She has outstanding talent, to the extent of it being foolish to overlook any danger around herself, including the risks from within her organization." --- this was what I got from the original, "Erica is expected to be a prodigy in the future. She has outstanding talent to the extent of foolishness to overlook the danger around herself, including the risk within the organization."
• "Well, the bread really tasted terrible, but on the contrary, that gave it a deep meaning." --- again, interpreted from "Well, the bread really had terrible taste, but on the contrary, it had a deep meaning."
• "Also, remember this. Rather than choosing food of normal taste, I'm the type of person that will respect any form of food, in regards to the taste. In that context, your choice of food wasn't the best, but not the worst either." --- really not sure there.
• "'you can give orders to the magicians residing in Sardinia using your status as a Campione,'" --- is there a particular reason why it has the ' ' quotes?
• "Thanking the cautious Erica" --- I hate these sentences. Not going to try this one right now, it's annoying to rephrase smoothly.
• "high-ground land." --- there's a valid word for this, but feeling unimaginative.
• "a good for nothing development" --- I would rather put something like 'nothing positive would come out of it' but I'm not really sure what she's supposed to be saying.

• Someone check all the <this> and <that>'s. Are all those really necessary? There's a freaking lot of them compared to other chapters.
  • Seriously, someone check for consistency with the other volumes. Even if they're there, do we really need all of them? They're obnoxious in English and most of the words have already been introduced, even in-chronology. And it's the same words, repeatedly. The other volumes don't have that.

Tl check (ie no bloody clue what it's trying to say and/or some vague idea but no way to tell without really having to guess or surmise it. Which you should not do):

• After counting the amount of pain that he was unable to bear, --- yeah, no.
• 'I must replenish my nutrition' as he ate some more. --- 'he [blank] as he ate some more.' - did he think it, did he feel it as an instinct?
• under the name of Emperor Name --- do I need to comment about my question?
• The words spoken by the man, enveloped with <Power>, transformed into <something> --- 1) too many <>s, 2) is <something> a tl note or a translation?
• all together will lose their light. --- all together as in everyone as one, or as in a unified group of people, or what?
• The Word Spell has now finished gathering <Power>. --- original: "The Word Spell, is now finished the <Power>." ...what?
• guard against the opposition magic!? --- opposition magic?
• 'What a strange sign,' Godou thought. --- now I'm wondering, should these uses of <power> be replaced with 'power word' or something? Or should 'sign' be changed, because you have to rationalize for some of these to make sense.
• "I'm just confirming how you are becoming more and more inhuman to the current you." --- ...what?
• Well, this isn't any real distrust. --- Original: "Well, this isn't kind of distrust."
• Erica turns out boasting. Her value of life benefactor to this extent is quite unusual. --- ...what?
• Erica used the tone to mimic the manners of <Someone> --- is <someone> untranslated or literally <someone>?
• "How is it, Godou? If you're gonna decline this second fight with a <Heretic God>, I won't talk to restrain you, you know." -- ...? 'I won't try to talk you out of it' maybe?
• Even if the Heaven gave her two or three talent, she herself was already able to use it freely the 'supposed to be gifted from heaven' which was polished practically with her own talents. --- ...what? I think it means that even if the Heavens were to give her various talents, her own natural ability would have let her polish those talents regardless.
• This whole island belonged to the local authorities of Sardinia, with Cagliari as the capital city. --- you'll want to check this, I interpreted/edited like that because it's factually correct, but when has that ever been a factor in a series.
• Godou tends to forget that Lucretia is quite old --- original was 'quite senile' - funny, but dunno if it fits. Check tl in case it's a joke.

The ceiling was taken down, just like a court, but it was very high. --- wut? from later in the chapter I assume there is no roof/ceiling, just like a courtyard?

"Also, he only thinks and acts using a sword, and the sword only. As there are lots of types of magic, if I have the opportunity, don't you think I can make it?" ---second half of the line needs reworking

"David Bianchi... I always thought that you almost reached the first class, but it turns out that I was wrong. You are only half first class. And it looks like you are unable to go higher than that." --- almost first class but already half first class? --Drowzycow (talk) 14:19, 17 October 2012 (CDT)