Talk:Tsukumodo:Volume 1 Statue

Do you intentionally use formal or archaic speech? Like "please be not stained with my blood" and "dwelling"...

Yeah, although I failed badly. :D Keep in mind that it takes place a few hundred years ago.

• well... Saki and company obviously live NOT a few hundred years ago.

If you find something that sounds archaic in Saki's parts, feel free to change it. But the sentence up there isn't. ;)

Why are there alot of (brackets)? I kinda feel it would be better without them...

They mark thoughts, so yeah... Could also use cursive text or something like that.

• okay. brackets are fine...

i didn't change the following lines:

From time to time the villagers could get their hands on some little medicine in exchange for a bed and a breakfast, but by far not enough to suffice for everyone.

(on a little medicine. Or by "little" you mean medicine for minor illnesses? in which case i'd use some other word instead of

little.)

Point taken. It's the former.

No doubt too deep for me, but it was some kind of automaton clock by all appearances.

(too complicated/complex)

It was some kind of automaton clock, although I didn't quite get its purpose. ?

• sounds good.

These thoughts crossed my mind, while the dog kept removing itself from the pot step by step, revealing more of the head-like root.

(moving away from)

Agreed

"Ah. Mandrake it was."

(it was mandrake)

Mh... sounds a bit odd to my ear.

• okay, then we leave it as it was.

Wasn't there some tale or legend where dogs got used to pull up some kind of plant?

(pull out)

Pull up should be okay, since I copied most of that sentence from Wikipedia. :D

• okay, but "got used to" is easily mistaken for a phrase that means that pulling out the roots is not new to them. "were used" is better.

Point taken

"Heck, that's no alarmer anymore,

(alarm clock. i didn't find alarmer in the dictionary...)

True, it was in my dictionary, but looks like it's not widely used.

Within the rising temperature, I heard the sound of wood splitting.

(As the temperture was rising, I heard the sound of wood splitting.)

Agreed

Please be not stained with my blood.

(don't be)

Whichever sounds older

• "be not" is older...

I was not the only one who wanted to live together with Juan-sama, but he always rejected.

(rejected everyone else)

Agreed

Each morning I polished it with a towel wetted in cold winter water.

(soaked?)

I don't mind either way, but I believe wet would also work?

• wetted technicly works. i just think "soaked" sounds better.

Okay, let's go with soaked then

One reason was of course my attitude, but it was much more because my hands were already numb and their skin as hard as stone.

(but it was mostly because)

Agreed

I was comfortable the way it was.

(with the way it was)

Agreed

Only at these times, I wished that I'd had still feeling in them.

(i'd still had)

Agreed

He cherished the statue and never failed to perform his office.

(sounds kinda formal...)

Again, if it sounds old and stiff, then it has achieved its purpose. If it only sounds odd or like manager-speech -> eradication

• i dunno when the word office originated, but ppl will have associations with present time, imho. "and healed the people without fail". how's that? eradication sounds a bit technical...

Works for me. And eradication was a joke :P

--Idiffer 05:19, 6 May 2012 (CDT)

---

"Ah. Mandrake it was."

(this is still bothering me. sounds a bit archaic. actually the biggest problem i have with editing antique shop is that you write in british english and i learned american english. so maybe that's the thing. how about "Ah.It was called mandrake"? if you don't like it then we leave as is for good...)

Okay, okay, feel free to change it. :D And btw. I intend to be writing in AE, too. Well, officially I learned BE, perhaps that has influenced my style a little. EusthEnoptEron 08:13, 8 May 2012 (CDT)

• Okay. sorry for pestering you))

--Idiffer 07:59, 8 May 2012 (CDT)

Whitewinters's questions

1. "For a wonder, however, there also appear to be some who claimed that the statue had depicted a peaceful Buddha." Claimed that it used to look like Buddha or that it just did?

This probably refers to the statements about its appearance that were made before it turned malicious. So the former. EusthEnoptEron 06:34, 11 May 2012 (CDT)

2. is there a specific buddha in mind? Or does the passage specifically refer to Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha appearing in his dream?

It wasn't specifically mentioned what kind of Buddha it was, but most likely it is the one you named. To be honest, I was always under the impression, there was only one. ;) EusthEnoptEron 06:34, 11 May 2012 (CDT)

In tales and legends, there are often tools that contained power. (Shouldn't it be "powers" since "tools" is plural?)

I'm never sure about that one. Sounds valid in this case, though, so I changed it. EusthEnoptEron (talk)

I sure lost a few years of my lifespan from the thing... (More of a stylistic suggestion/question, but would "I'm sure I lost a few years of my lifespan because of that thing" sound better? Or was it meant to read "I surely lost"?)

It's a statue that was retrieved from a village that was deserted about a hundred years ago, you know? (Not sure about this, but maybe it should read "that had been deserted"?)

And yet the statue is said to cure any illness by touching it. (Hmm.."by touching it" sounds odd. Not sure how this should be rephrased.)

When you touch it, do it with gloves. (Shouldn't it be "do so" or is it fine as is? Maybe replace "do" with "touch" if it is fine to repeat touch.)

Otherwise I take no responsibility if you die. (Not sure. For some reason, I feel like it should read "I'll take no responsibility" or "I won't take any..".)

The more people he saved, the more his power was doubted to be some sort of a curse, and it wasn't uncommon for him to be driven away under the fear that he was a demon under the guise of a human. (According to the way I understand this sentence, shouldn't "and" be "but" or "yet"?)

I used the wrong word here. Not "doubted", but "suspected". EusthEnoptEron (talk)

As for Saki, who had touched the statue I had been told not (Shouldn't it be "told not to touch"?)

Saki, you're okay? (How about "are you okay"?)

Agreed. I probably tried using the slang "You okay?"

Then, I noticed somewhat surprised what she was dressed like. (Should "surprised" be "surprisedly"? "Surprisedly" is an actual word I think.)

I think it should be fine if you think of it as a clause. EusthEnoptEron (talk)