User talk:Aorii

Rinkan no Madoushi

So far its leaning towards a seinen fantasy story with a female protagonist. :) Stellarroze 14:29, 9 April 2012 (CDT)

can you please do black bullet??--101.99.160.176 05:42, 6 December 2012 (CST)

Daybreak on Hyperion

I like your story, keep up the good work, would love to read more. In the last chapter it got a bit confusing tho, first Keade got shot and then sends a message via telepathy. What has happened in between? How did the other mage get on the roof, and so on ? 93.223.35.150 04:38, 4 January 2014 (CST)

Thanks. As for what happened, Ariadne implied at the beginning of her part (section 5) that Kaede was faking the unconsciousness. Being the airborne one, she had no problem receiving direct line-of-sight telepathy from Kaede. Because of how fragmented the fight is in ch11, the continuously switching POVs makes it bit hard to read. Sorry about that ^^ - Aorii

I got all that, but what I really meant was that you usually get a little character recap here. Like she got shot, struggeled against the pain, activated some runes to dull the pain, heard foot steps, assessed it was best to play dead for the time being, and stab the mage prick, that came with her magic sword later when the time was right. :) Jumps are good and all but if too much is implied it's a bit confusing. Interesting story line, keep it up :) 93.223.35.150 11:47, 4 January 2014 (CST)

Thanks for the good idea. I added an extra scene (#5, start with "Trying to monitor the situation"). Couldn't go too far with the time overlap since excess repetitiveness lowers tension and dulls the action overall, but hope this clarify and helps the transition o/ - Aorii