Original LN Project: Avalon Beyond the Eclipse

[Aorii]

This is a light novel project I started up about a year ago and did much of its initial draft as part of 2011's National Novel Writing Month. It's still not actually finished, but I've gone through enough beta-reading/editing cycles to place it into open beta, so I'm dropping it off here to see if I can snatch some interest and assistance~
Comments, suggestions, and recommendations would be greatly welcomed o/


Intro / Synopsis:

Tyranny may flourish under the wisdom of one.
--- Yet unrestrained, it takes but another to ruin the works of all.
Democracy may ensure a balanced hand.
--- Yet dissociated, it concedes to the desires of the now and many.

Thus, the Philosopher King shall be united with the Representative Republic.
--- Grant the liege his orders, for civilization must advance.
--- Grant the people their voices, for the liege must answer.

Revolution is the battlefield on which authority is founded.
Bureaucracy is the battlefield in which progress is endorsed.
--- But an Imperator has his allies; he need not walk alone, he must not walk alone.

This was the story of a collegiate corporate scion raised in occupied territory, who stumbled through to the last bastion of mankind, saved by the hands of the blackest ops, and involved with a team that deemed no action too atrocious for their goals, all to rediscover the legacy of a distant Utopian dream that will alter the oncoming struggle for dominance in the fracturing new world.

Genres: Scifi/Fantasy, Drama, Military, Romance (somewhat)
Since I'm a worldbuilder with a specialization in fantasy/scifi hybrid world with fully merged magic and high-technology, there'll be plenty of that.


Chapters:
(Because of all the formatting work that went into it, I'll be leaving the chapters in open-shared google docs for now. These following links *should* work even without login, but even better if you do. I automatically drop any chapters editted enough to open-beta into the folder)
All Chapters (Google Docs Folder)

[Aorii]

Lessons learned: do not post eleven chapters at once... people will be too shocked to respond.

Anyhow, I wrote up another synopsis to replace the old nanowrimo one, one that would actually speak for story rather than just the premise:

Tyranny may flourish under the wisdom of one.
--- Yet unrestrained, it takes but another to ruin the works of all.
Democracy may ensure a balanced hand.
--- Yet dissociated, it concedes to the desires of the now and many.

Thus, the Philosopher King shall be united with the Representative Republic.
--- Grant the liege his orders, for civilization must advance.
--- Grant the people their voices, for the liege must answer.

Revolution is the battlefield on which authority is founded.
Bureaucracy is the battlefield in which progress is endorsed.
--- But an Imperator has his allies; he need not walk alone, he must not walk alone.

This was the story of a collegiate corporate scion raised in occupied territory, who stumbled through to the last bastion of mankind, saved by the hands of the blackest ops, and involved with a team that deemed no action too atrocious for their goals, all to rediscover the legacy of a distant Utopian dream that will alter the oncoming struggle for dominance in the fracturing new world.

[ShadowZeroHeart]

No offense, I am not too shocked, just that it is more like it seems too long to read through everything in my case(school term is tough), and you seem confident about what you have. I usually read the "teasers" people post due to their length(I won't read if someone posted an entire volume up), and also due to their incomplete world/story setting, thus requiring help. In this case, I believe it is not that similar.

Furthermore, due to my own personal reasons, reading through the prologue, while it doesnt seem too bad, does not perk my interest due to my dislike in the genre, thus not probing further into the story, thus no comments.

Sorry if you feel neglected from the lack of response.

[Aorii]

Thanks for answering actually o/

No offense taken. Besides, a response like that is still infinitely more helpful than none. I do realize that the genres of my writing style doesn't really fit most of the audience on this site (Seikai series being the only one remotely close :3) so I can't say I didn't expect a chill reception.

Although if you don't mind me asking, which particular genre did hit your dislike so directly?

[ShadowZeroHeart]

Thanks for answering actually o/

No offense taken. Besides, a response like that is still infinitely more helpful than none. I do realize that the genres of my writing style doesn't really fit most of the audience on this site (Seikai series being the only one remotely close :3) so I can't say I didn't expect a chill reception.

Although if you don't mind me asking, which particular genre did hit your dislike so directly?

I am not exactly sure why, but I for some reason hate mecha type and those futuristic sci fic like star trek, gundam and all? I really liked Gundam Wing, but perhaps due to the repetition or something, I kinda hate them now for some unknown reason. Especially in terms of writing? One reason is that I find it hard to really tell a good story about piloting these things? Its like I can't accept it mentally.

Judging from the way you started off, I believe it is something like that?

P.S. I also hate things like fate and destiny, especially those that will come true, as if people cannot ever break away from their eventual fates.

[Aorii]

Not quite, but somewhat. I'm a worldbuilder with specialization in scifi/fantasy hybrid, so full magic-meld-technology is my style here, since one of my biggest complaints is relative lack of good hybrid settings out there :3 But I guess that simply makes it even harder to picture for contemporary fans...

mmmh, funny, I don't believe in fate myself, but I do believe in massive preplanning and coincidences that spin out of control ^^;;
(projects that span centuries isn't all that different from 'fate' I guess :3 except when things go wrong, Murphy always strikes.)

[ShadowZeroHeart]

magic-meld-technology, like index? Anyway, there are some good novels of that genre out there, except they tend to put in magic first, and explain it with science later. While not exactly in the novel itself, this following is from the authors notes from a certain novel with regards to that volume, if you are interested:

Spoiler! :

This time, the story goes a little into the theory of Magic, actually Magic is not just a natural phenomenon, but a very complicated technique. Real magic, is controlled by easy yet complex powers beyond everyone's imagination.

Most fantasy novels around usually depicts mages creating fireballs, releasing lightnings and controlling matters with magnetism, or crushing enemies with gravity. Actually these magic, is proof of what modern scientists are trying to prove of the "classical unified field theory".

"classical unified field theory" is actually the ultimate theory that Einstein did not manage to complete. In simple words, it is a theory that uses electricity, magnetism, gravity and other universal energy to appear in the same fashion. Currently electricity and magnetism has been unified, and the famous Maxwell's equations is the result of the collation of them. Yet other energy, especially gravity, is still a big mystery of the scientific realm. Even the famous "Knot Theory" can only be categorized into 5 major sections, and a really long way to go from the truth.

As for what I really think about sci-fic stories, probably because I fell in love with how words can tell stories the way they do, but I don't think sci-fic stories can really bring out that beauty of words? It takes too much time to go into details, yet details is what you need. Its a big irony. Projects that spans centuries ain't fate. Because it just takes longer to do, but it does not restrict people/things to it.

Anyway, just so sorry that I probably won't keep tuned into this series.

[Aorii]

Far more thoroughly than Index, down to a very psychological/sociological level; but alas, I have bones to pick with Index's setting... so best I don't delve into that one >.<

Thanks for the excerpt, I'll definitely have to consider this again later

And yes, I understand your point, it's the very same why some of my friends consider contemporary / historical fiction far superior to any other kind. Since I wrote this fiction to not only introduce a world but also build two characters from the ground up, slowness is even more of an unavoidable weakness than usual. (shrug)

Thanks for the overall feedback as well; it's been helpful :3

[ShadowZeroHeart]

Far more thoroughly than Index, down to a very psychological/sociological level; but alas, I have bones to pick with Index's setting... so best I don't delve into that one >.<

Don't worry, I hate index too.

Anyway, hopefully I somehow contributed, but as this is seriously not my type of story, I will not be reading it, so really sorry about this. Hopefully I will enjoy your next work if any.

[zwei00]

Hey there~

Historical plus fantasy/sci-fi genre is definitely of my favorite palate of light novels -ehm, manga too-!
When I found the story, I thought it was written off by some professional author, but actually you did it..whoa, you just deserve a standing ovation! The plot is very good, I loved Kannon as a character, and the historical/fantasy part..ugh, hard to find such good story in this genre, but you pulled it off brilliantly! I love it!

From an avid fan-reader,
zwei00

P/S: Keep the good, good work up!