OLN: Daybreak on Hyperion

[Himeko Inaba]

Hard to stop reading, isn't it?

Why do you think that is?

[Kairos]

I've just read through this book in one go and for the most part it was interesting. When I read a good book I'm able to non-stop be in the story as the author tells it. Unfortunately I found myself dropped out of the story quite a few times. Many times I found my mind wandering on characters should have interacted or how events should have played out.

To be honest I don't see why Kaede had to be a guy in the first place. The author skipped all of the character development and internal conflicts relating to Kaede just so he could jump into some snarky dialog. The story would have worked the same with a tsundre girl instead. I get it a little, Kaede is pragmatic in her outlook and thus more accepting of things. Using this excuse the author avoided gender bending issues and such. But in doing this I believe Kaede remains a flat novelty character.

Even though Kaede is now a girl, and even though she is on a new world, neither should be her main conflict as a pragmatic person. Her main conflict is that she is essentially a slave viewed as little more than property. Her senses can be hijacked at any time. Her master can use magic that she knows nothing about. And most of all he shows no remorse over the fact that he just performed the equivalent of kidnapping her and forcing her into lifelong servitude. After all, she comes from a world where freedom and privacy are practically taken for granted. So how does Kaede respond to this… by reading about the history of the world. Um… I’m sorry I don’t buy it.

I think if the author had grown Kaede’s internal conflict of being a servant and the external conflict with arrogant Pascal, then there would have been more suspense going into the assassination plot. Specifically Kaede could have used the assassination plot to test Pascal's trust. Kaede could have used the maid to get a magical device that could detect if her senses are hijacked and a way to block it. Likewise as her work output slows down and she acts more suspiciously she could have used the opportunity to test Pascal’s promise about not hijacking her senses without permission. With this Kaede could have postponed her final decision about what camp to side with until the last second and played out a better drama. In the end Kaede would have proven Pascal kept his word about not listening in, been given a way to detect if he ever does, and more importantly been given a way to block it in the future. As it stands Kaede came out of the story with nothing except newfound determination to be a slave.

Even some basic elements are missing. Why does Kaede never ask about magic in detail? It’s what brought her here, it’s what turned her into a girl, and most importantly it is what they will use against her should she be caught in a random assassination plot. She complains about her weak body, but not once does she workout or train (yep just history reading) even though she supposedly knows martial arts and multiple ways of sword fighting. Most of all she has a body that heals instantly. Muscle building is about breaking down muscle and building it back stronger. It’s a healing process. Where a normal human would have to wait a day or two for muscle growth, theoretically she can experience it in minutes. But no… she’s happy struggling to carry 4 books (yes history books). And lastly… don’t female archers need a chest protector (but I guess we wouldn’t want to get into gender bender issues)?

Overall I found the content enjoyable. The recent chapters of book 2 have been quite good, but that is still mostly content wise. I still find the character development lacking. Normally I wouldn’t bring it up but most light novels use standard arch types for characters. This book however is more of a hybrid something along the lines of Rakuin no Monshou. That is an example of some well-drawn out character development in a light novel.

[splynncrith]

Hard to stop reading, isn't it?

Well, it was not hard to stop ... just nearly impossible !! Even while I had dinner, the only one thing i wanted was going back to the story

So yes i got hooked

Why do you think that is?

Well, before answering, i'd like to precise one thing. I'm an old, hum no ... a seasoned RPG player and gamemaster so my reading grid is biaised by this fact and I will use some RPG analogies (oh, by RPG I mean the old thing you play around a table with friends like the venerable Dungeons and Dragons, not the computer ones).

So here come some answers to the "why" question (but maybe not really answering ...)

1. The characters
   They are rather well-balanced. Even Pascal who's supposed to be stronger than other is not so much stronger that it would make other characters feel like posters decorating the setting.
   The main team characters are "likable" (they could be hateable, that would be ok) , so they don't stay in the grey zone of the average NPC but get in the PC area.
   Maybe the weakest (from a storytelling point) is Kaede. From what I read in this thread, she should be the storyteller's point of view and Pascal is the MC. But I think that she has a bit too much specs for that : she is a human familiar (almost unheard of in the world), extraplanar visitor and cross-genre...
   I'm still wondering about the added value of that last point. I understant that Kaede took on his oriental herited philosophy to accept the change, but unless he had some buddhist temple acolyte background I don't think that would be this easy (having lived among japanese people for several years, i'm really not convinced... well, they may still try a few lewd things). But in the end, I'm not pissed off at all by this acceptance (human adaptability, maybe fatalism, is quite amazing ...)
   Perhaps Aorii has something in reserve to make a full use of this spec otherwise it is something more or less like "ok, he/she is cross-genre and... nothing more..." That adds few (but removes nothing as well). At this point she looks more like a tsundere girl with only a little bit of "tsun" (that's not bad), it may change if some romance is added later
2. The setting
   Well, every one who has watched (or read) Zero no Tsukaima won't be lost ^^'' Willingly or not the parallel is unavoidable.
   But it is used quite differently and that works well... Killing from the start any romance between the main characters is rather refreshing
   The wordl is roughly drawn (hey, it's volume one) but it gives the appetite for more discovery ... so give us more geopolictics
3. The story (volume 1 only)
   
   On a RPG point of view, here is your typical first scenerio of a campaign (and that's not bad by itself), i explain :
   What we got :
   
   1. characters presentation and group building : I liked how hyperien characters were introduced, having some "bad blood" between them. I just felt a bit down the way every one bought Pascal's apologies. The way they acted to help him was good, logical but i felt that in the end keeping one character spiteful against Pascal could have been like keeping a joker in your sleeve (for future treason, unexpected help ...) maybe by adding one character in the group and removing it when Pascal's batallion is built.
   2. setting drawn
      As a campaign builder, I know how difficult it is to create a setting which feel original (I insist on the "feel" word because in fantasy, originality is like a grail : often sought rarely found). So it's more how you use the setting that makes the story bad or good, and this one is on the latter side.
   3. Main story line, or what I think will be the main line (some continental war), and cliffhanger...

I realize that my comments could seem quite mild but a story is like a cooking recipe, You can use average ingredient and cook a great meal.
Here your ingredients are somehow above average (some points could be discussed, and have been...but the whole is coherent) and the chief is rather good.

And my last point, which was also on my first post in this thread, is that IT IS WELL WRITTEN !!! and really pleasent to read.

You can have the best scenario ever tought of, if it's written by a monkey with his feet that will not make a good novel ...

[Aorii]

Next chapter is awaiting Kadi's lazy butt XD


@Phantasimo
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm glad you enjoyed it so ^^
I make no promises about romance aspects though, other than it will be unusual and interesting =P


@splynncrith
Hahaha thanks. Hope you continue to enjoy ^o^
I have bit of an obsession with gemstones and the symbolism surrounding them ^^"
i.e. Rose Quartz = stone of universal love. Kaede is a modern humanist/philanthropist

Yes I know pen&paper RPG well. My worldbuilding experience comes from 6yrs of GMing D&D. I actually have character sheets (in a customized system) of all the story's main characters to make sure their power scaling makes sense and doesn't get out of hand XD

Yes, as you've read, Kaede's main role is storyteller and not story protagonist (which is Pascal and later on, Sylv as well). I use her mostly to reflect upon things, as she has a very wide knowledge base and incredible insight from a layman perspective (whereas Pascal thinks like a career officer and Sylv as a ruler). In fact, developing her is a real pain to plan since she lacks other specializations. Read down for why the genderbent...

They say that if you genderbend most males, they'll come off a little tsun because males have that culture of being more stoic/embarrassed about open display of feelings while females don't. (shrug)

Parzifal accepted Pascal's apology and he's the center of that group, which has a somewhat trickle-down effect. But I wouldn't say everyone 'bought' it =P Enough to 'push it under a rug' is how I would describe it.

Setting

Hyperion setting's parallel is intended. I describe it as "alternative history fantasy" =P aka what is a possible outcome if Earth geopolitics evolved with magic in mind.

It's embedded into the name itself. The continent name 'Hyperion', named after the in-setting dragonlord, named after the Titan of Greek Mythology. In the Greek Titanomachy, the Olympian Gods defeated the Titans and kept mythic power to themselves. Here, that did not happen, and Prometheus-like Dragonlords/Titans would spread the gift of magic to mankind.


@Kairos
Wow, quite some direct feedback here. This is very useful, thanks a bunch =)
Although I'm not holding back on my defensive reasoning either, be forewarned! ^o^
I don't pretend to be a professional writer, especially for a novel that developed out of a whim. Interesting is good enough for me XD

Genderbender
Did Kaede had to be a guy for the purpose of this story? Not really. The main reason for that was because I wrote the 1st four chapters for fun (no novel intended) and my friends liked it enough to encourage me to keep going. So basically, Kaede was genderbent more for comedic purposes than anything else. But since going deeper and deeper into the novel, I took advantage of this to delve into gender and its effect on values/culture. A few discussions with beta-readers/bloggers lately made me realize that while most LNs are meta-exploratory towards otaku culture, Daybreak aims to explore general social/cultural/gender conventions.

Hence, I don't intend to 'avoid' genderbending issues. But I see no reason to pop them out all at once. In the end, Daybreak is a fantasy/adventure with a genderbender, not a primarily genderbender story.

After all, she comes from a world where freedom and privacy are practically taken for granted.

Are you sure we're thinking of the same Russia? Are you sure you're not viewing Kaede's upbringing (Russia/Japanese geared towards Eastern philosophy, which is society-centric rather than individual-centric, emphasizing individual duties instead of individual freedoms) through Western goggles?
Any realistic Japanese collegiate already knows he's going to become a slave to society and to his occupational boss once they start a career anyways... if you've ever looked into Japanese work culture.

I’m sorry I don’t buy it.

I guess my question would be... what would you do in a situation where you were tossing into a world where you suddenly have nothing, not even an education fit for its locality? As Kaede reflects in v1ch3: punching Pascal out of frustration for him being a total asshole was easy. Figuring out how a live in this world without his help... that might be an issue. While she can and does nudge him in certain directions, his fundamental character isn't going to change overnight.

Kaede could have used the maid to get a magical device that could detect if her senses are hijacked and a way to block it. Likewise as her work output slows down and she acts more suspiciously she could have used the opportunity to test Pascal’s promise about not hijacking her senses without permission.

Good point. I haven't really thought of that. But then, I'm not sure why such a device would exist either. Most familiars hardly care if their senses get hijacked. It's not easy to hijack another mage's sense due to the ether resistance, commoners usually lack the ether to power most magic items (plus, such specialized gadgetry -- magic or not -- is expensive! Basic supply/demand economics).

Although at that point one of the conclusions Kaede made was the Pascal could be trusted to keep his word if nothing else. I guess she's not suspicious enough to do the testing herself =P

(I'll admit this is probably due to myself. My friends often describe me as a fairly trusting/gullible person. I have try to be suspicious when writing characters with such a mentality. It's not really one of Kaede's)

Why does Kaede never ask about magic in detail?

Why does every computer user (aka all of us) not try to figure out how semi-conductor microprocessors work or how to build an Arithmatic Logic Unit from scratch? Kaede does ask about magic here and there. She asks enough to fit what she needs. Since Pascal says she can't cast spells herself, why does she care about the details she can't interact with anyway? That's like talking to the average user about how Microsoft Word is programmed (will the audience stay awake if I start talking about Design Patterns in software architecture? Same goes to spell architecture). It takes a very technical-oriented thinking to delve into mechanics deeper than an interaction level; Kaede isn't a technical person.

I do realize that the magic details have been slow to come out. Unfortunately, that's part of a drawback for choosing a gradual/slow setting-building than one filled with infodumps at the beginning. I can also tell you that personally as the writer, I'm not a technologist. I see culture as the most important aspect of a society/dealing with worldly issues, not technology (or magic).

he complains about her weak body, but not once does she workout or train (yep just history reading) even though she supposedly knows martial arts and multiple ways of sword fighting.

Again, one thing at a time. Also if you don't think archery builds muscles, you've been fooled by modern media. Drawing a longbow to full is MUCH HARDER than swinging a sword (more precisely, controlling a sword's swing, since beginning the swing is also easy). I guess it's my fault for not clarifying intent + common misconceptions... I'll see if I can nudge that a bit in the writing.

The chest protector is to make sure the breasts don't get in the way of the arrow draw. Kaede isn't exactly very endowed there (or ever described as having anything more than small chest =P)


(I really need to read Rakuin no Monshou...)

[Phantasimo]

Next chapter is awaiting Kadi's lazy butt XD


@Phantasimo
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm glad you enjoyed it so ^^
I make no promises about romance aspects though, other than it will be unusual and interesting =P

It better be~ Or tables will be flipped~ jkjk xD
And yeah it was really interesting~! It definitely made me think of Zero no Tsukaima at the beginning, which I loved~.

[splynncrith]

Next chapter is awaiting Kadi's lazy butt XD


@splynncrith
Hahaha thanks. Hope you continue to enjoy ^o^
I have bit of an obsession with gemstones and the symbolism surrounding them ^^"
i.e. Rose Quartz = stone of universal love. Kaede is a modern humanist/philanthropist

Just finished the 9 chapters of volume 2 ... and I found what i asked for in my previous comments (politics, geopolitics, even make some use for genreblender )
I can't wait for the 10th ... I found a similar enjoyement reading your novel than when I read some of early works of David Eddings (in my opinion it's a compliment, I will hope you take it as well)

Yes I know pen&paper RPG well. My worldbuilding experience comes from 6yrs of GMing D&D. I actually have character sheets (in a customized system) of all the story's main characters to make sure their power scaling makes sense and doesn't get out of hand XD

I felt that way... because of the bestiary (who knows about Damphir ), juste before reading your novel I dove in the pathfinder Bestiary (vol 2) and found some illustration which could fit what i read later ^^"
By the end of chapter 9, the story sounds like a "matroshka" campain

Yes, as you've read, Kaede's main role is storyteller and not story protagonist (which is Pascal and later on, Sylv as well). I use her mostly to reflect upon things, as she has a very wide knowledge base and incredible insight from a layman perspective (whereas Pascal thinks like a career officer and Sylv as a ruler). In fact, developing her is a real pain to plan since she lacks other specializations. Read down for why the genderbent...

They say that if you genderbend most males, they'll come off a little tsun because males have that culture of being more stoic/embarrassed about open display of feelings while females don't. (shrug)

As I said upthere you managed to use the genreblender in chapter 9 (and I think there will be more to come ) so I'm no more on the "so what ?"-mode I was on the volume 1

Parzifal accepted Pascal's apology and he's the center of that group, which has a somewhat trickle-down effect. But I wouldn't say everyone 'bought' it =P Enough to 'push it under a rug' is how I would describe it.

Well sometimes my english may sound harsher than I really mean ^^"
But if I had your campain to play, as a gamemaster I sure would have tweaked it in keeping a NPC rather spiteful, just to play some dirty tricks to the PC later (well, for 25 years I've been on the S side of gamemastering I will not change now )

Setting

Hyperion setting's parallel is intended. I describe it as "alternative history fantasy" =P aka what is a possible outcome if Earth geopolitics evolved with magic in mind.

It's embedded into the name itself. The continent name 'Hyperion', named after the in-setting dragonlord, named after the Titan of Greek Mythology. In the Greek Titanomachy, the Olympian Gods defeated the Titans and kept mythic power to themselves. Here, that did not happen, and Prometheus-like Dragonlords/Titans would spread the gift of magic to mankind.

I took as some kind of uchronia, it seems it was (on mythics levels )
Maybe you can correct me but your map somehow really looks like Gondwana (the primeval continent) ?

[Kairos]

what would you do in a situation where you were tossing into a world where you suddenly have nothing, not even an education fit for its locality?

I probably would have stabbed the guy as he slept on the first night and then been executed myself, but that wouldn’t make a good story now would it.

Are you sure we're thinking of the same Russia? … Any realistic Japanese collegiate already knows he's going to become a slave to society and to his occupational boss once they start a career anyways

Sorry about that, I knew she was Japanese/Russian I just didn’t know where she was from. It could have been Japan, Russia, or even America with that background. Maybe it was mentioned and I missed it. And yes maybe it’s just my western ideals but I find the concept of literally being a slave much more terrifying than figuratively being a slave. But I also feel Kaede echoes this sentimentality when she is horrified that the maid is sentenced to be an indentured servant. They are practically equals now, so what’s the big deal? I mean the maid may even be higher on the legal ladder than Kaede (little more than property) and doesn’t have her senses hijacked. To be honest I just really can’t get into the mind of Kaede. Even recently she was yelling about ethics on the battlefield, it just seemed out of place for her pragmatic self. She seems to risk more for her enemies than for herself.

I'm not sure why such a device would exist either. Most familiars hardly care if their senses get hijacked.

Well I can think of a few good reasons, like you capture an enemy familiar, block its senses, and then use mind magic to interrogate it. An alternative may be that hijacking senses and telepathy work on the same channel and blocking one blocks the other. A device could grant the user the ability to flip between multiple telepathic links or silence them all if the situation arises (ie like a silent mode for a cell phone). Another alternative is a mage took a commoner wife and created some anti-magic device to protect her. Weather it exists or not isn’t really the point. The point is more I don’t know it exists and neither does Kaede. But even if such a thing didn’t exist, as long as she tries to find out more about it, it shows that she is unhappy with the current situation. To be honest I didn’t realize she didn’t like her current life until she said it. And since then she really hasn’t done much to improve it.

Since Pascal says she can't cast spells herself, why does she care about the details she can't interact with anyway?

What are the most common offensive magics? What are their strengths/weaknesses. How can the spells on my arm be used effectively. What are the strengths/weaknesses of the defensive magics. I see it more like cars. She doesn’t need to know how to build one. She doesn’t need to know how to drive one. She just needs to know basic info about cars and traffic laws in order for her to cross the street safely. If a car chased her down she could lure it into an intersection or oncoming traffic or run into a building. It’s more about understanding her options when magic is involved.

Also what is nice about a QA style info dump is that you can progress the character development. Ie… Kaede asks a question about magic. Pascal explains. Kaede ponders it leaping to further conclusions and applying her own knowledge. Kaede asks more intelligent questions. Pascal is impressed at her ability to quickly grasp concepts… Kaede finally asks a pointed question about blocking him from using her senses. Pascal says it can’t be done. Kaede doesn’t know if she can trust that answer, conflict increases. These kind of info dumps can be short and sprinkled around as she meets new characters.


I seem to be giving a lot of criticism, which seems strange since I enjoyed the story for the most part. So please don’t take this as any kind of insult. If I didn’t enjoy the story I wouldn’t have posted anything in the first place.

[Phantasimo]

Sorry about that, I knew she was Japanese/Russian I just didn’t know where she was from. It could have been Japan, Russia, or even America with that background. Maybe it was mentioned and I missed it. And yes maybe it’s just my western ideals but I find the concept of literally being a slave much more terrifying than figuratively being a slave. But I also feel Kaede echoes this sentimentality when she is horrified that the maid is sentenced to be an indentured servant. They are practically equals now, so what’s the big deal? I mean the maid may even be higher on the legal ladder than Kaede (little more than property) and doesn’t have her senses hijacked. To be honest I just really can’t get into the mind of Kaede. Even recently she was yelling about ethics on the battlefield, it just seemed out of place for her pragmatic self. She seems to risk more for her enemies than for herself.

Uhh, have we been reading the same OLN? Because I clearly remember just before Pascal and Kaede leaving the school that Kaede got a letter about citizenship. And that in ten years(this length of time isn't unheard of) she would be an official citizen of that country, AND she's getting this medal thing from the king as well. So, to be honest, I'm pretty sure she isn't at the same level as the maid. As indentured servants, in the times they had it, while most likely better than slaves, were still no different from slaves and being worth less than property. And to be honest, Kaede has way more freedom than any slave because of Pascal's personality, and I'm pretty sure Pascal isn't that much of an asshole to tap into her senses without asking unless the situation was a life/death situation, the guy is better than you think he is. After all, while he is the one that took her from her world, he is also doing what he can to make her stay in this world as good as possible, and even at this point he probably considers Kaede as family now. Also, we honestly still have no idea on what exactly happened to Kaede in her world while she was still guy, maybe Pascal's assumptions are correct and she had died before being summoned, heck maybe she had literally just died the moment the summon happened. We have no idea, for all we know currently, he could have easily saved her life. But, that's just going off topic. Anyway, Kaede isn't even a slave from what I can tell. :U

[Aorii]

@Phantasimo

IIRC looking for ZnT novels is how I came across B-T years ago. XD
My opinion on that series is bit mixed though. I loved a lot of the concepts and some of the drama. I hated the endless fanservice and often rolled my eyes at the relationship developments (too many convenient misunderstandings) =x



@splynncrith

Thanks. ^^

What do you mean "matroshka campaign"?

But if I had your campain to play, as a gamemaster I sure would have tweaked it in keeping a NPC rather spiteful, just to play some dirty tricks to the PC later

Maybe that'll happen later? (shrug) I honestly don't know lol. I don't plan in high detail unless it's only a few chapters away. It allows me to write the story in a character-driven style (choices are picked based on character preference) instead of a plot-driven style (where character pick options based on where one wants the story to go).

I honestly never thought of Gondwana. But it is designed as a 'plausible result' of Earth's tech-tonic shift so... similarities are normal.



@Kairos

Mmmmh I think I'm sounding more defensive than I really am, because no this isn't insulting at all. Even when an author disagrees with a criticism, it's still useful in gauging reactions ^^

I forgot to mention one more detail about why Kaede hasn't really asked about magic much. Sadly Himeko was the one who reminded me:

She seems like an escapist who doesn't want to face her problems until necessary. That's the impression I got from the beginning.

This is noted as recently as ch9. Kaede tends to stay to her comfort zones unless she sees an immediate need to breach it. Among the reasons she doesn't go outside much (for anything, exercise included) is because all the stares and murmurs she got at the academy (hence she was worried about turning into a shut-in/NEET).

Himeko suggests I note this earlier on... I'm still undecided...

I probably would have stabbed the guy as he slept on the first night and then been executed myself, but that wouldn’t make a good story now would it.

Suicide = lose. That's like admitting defeat to life =P

I knew she was Japanese/Russian I just didn’t know where she was from.

She grew up in trans-Eurasia Russia (so between the Urals and Siberia) for early childhood and later went to Japan. I think this detail is scattered in two places in vol1... =\

But I also feel Kaede echoes this sentimentality when she is horrified that the maid is sentenced to be an indentured servant. They are practically equals now, so what’s the big deal?

Have you ever heard of the concept of soft power vs hard power? Pascal has a capacity of control over Kaede's life, but it's a choice whether he would do so or not. It's no different than how employers can hurt/ruin their employees' jobs by firing them (which most employment contracts allow them to do so for any reason). Does this mean to have a job is to be enslaved to it? Are housewives with no income of their own slaves to their husbands? (okay... feminist arguments are just asking for trouble XD).
Marina's case is different because her servitude is an omnipresent force. Nobody has to active make a choice to forcibly keep her there; she just is. Kaede's only "forced" bond with Pascal is that if he dies, she dies. But if she wants to run away and try her own chance at life? It's an option (just not one with good prospects), but nothing else stops her from doing so.
That being said, is there a gross skewing of power in Kaede's relationship with Pascal? Definitely. I guess you're the type that's not comfortable with that.

Even recently she was yelling about ethics on the battlefield, it just seemed out of place for her pragmatic self.

One of the biggest things I realized since starting to read psychology is that there is no such thing as a perfectly logical personality. It's why almost all people are hypocrites to a degree, because their learned values on different subjects are the result of different experiences that often don't match up (i.e. Kaede's preference for pragmatism doesn't change the fact she's read enough history to know lots of really awful stuff; as noted again in v2ch6: Russian, the Great Patriotic War is nasty). There is also an innate psychological backlash that deals with killing/watching people being killed that has nothing to do with pragmatism.

But even if such a thing didn’t exist, as long as she tries to find out more about it, it shows that she is unhappy with the current situation.

Mmmh, this is an unanticipated downside to making the first 10 chapters really fast paced. I wasn't nearly as detailed with the first week as I've been with the later chapters in regards to what Kaede was focusing on / worrying over. I'll look into what I might be able to squeeze in without bogging pace... since the rapid pace at start is what kept a lot of people's attention well.

What are the most common offensive magics? What are their strengths/weaknesses. How can the spells on my arm be used effectively. What are the strengths/weaknesses of the defensive magics.

She figured out enough by ch11 when she used Pascal's runes as a landmine field and customized the spell-load on an entire rune-set of hers, implying she at least did some work on the topic. I didn't see the need to infodump it ahead of the combat action.

Well... I've heard from some people that the magic system is unclear/coming out too slow. I've heard from some that the setting theme is, or the gender identity changes are. And I still have people complaining about infodumps. Sorry, can't provide everything at once =P

[Phantasimo]

@Phantasimo

IIRC looking for ZnT novels is how I came across B-T years ago. XD
My opinion on that series is bit mixed though. I loved a lot of the concepts and some of the drama. I hated the endless fanservice and often rolled my eyes at the relationship developments (too many convenient misunderstandings) =x

Haha, surprisingly enough, that was the same reason for me finding B-T, well that and Index. xD And yeah, the fanservice and the convenient misunderstandings were a bit much. xDD But, I personally enjoyed the story nonetheless~ though I am sad that it has ended (ZnT). :U

But, I am excited to see Kaede's romance at some point, maybe she'll meet a nice female Samaran~ Or a Dhampir~ :Y xD

[Aorii]

A tirade on magical mechanics

What are the most common offensive magics? What are their strengths/weaknesses. How can the spells on my arm be used effectively. What are the strengths/weaknesses of the defensive magics. I see it more like cars. She doesn’t need to know how to build one. She doesn’t need to know how to drive one. She just needs to know basic info about cars and traffic laws in order for her to cross the street safely. If a car chased her down she could lure it into an intersection or oncoming traffic or run into a building. It’s more about understanding her options when magic is involved.

I gave this a lot of thought overnight and came up with one conclusion:

This is not doable; not near the beginning (vol1) anyhow.

The problem is that you're presuming this to be similar to some silly fantasy game, where there is only a certain selection of offensive/defensive spells that can be exchanged, where damage output + damage type is everything...

Well, as any veteran tabletop RPG player can tell you, in any half-decently built fantasy world where magic is relatively common, the spell-list will be massive. Spell selections will vary by culture, by locality, by specialization, by doctrine, and by individual preference...

• Infantry officers will prefer more static/field control spells than cavalry, while artillery Reiters aim for spells with "massive bombardment synergy".
• People from the frozen north (where ice and snow are freely available and easily, where fireballs leave mud craters and frost spells can glue feet into the ground) have different preferences from those in the southern coasts.
• Lotharin spellcasters (who prefers wooded terrain and thus will avoid fire spells unless it suits them) will have different traditions than Weichsel ones (whose mobility doctrine means they fight on the move, in the open).
• Specialist mages such as spellstorms (high salvo fire density), spellsnipers (high piercing ward penetration), stormcallers (weather control), geomancers (terrain tapping), etc etc will all use different repertoires of spells.

Are there still 'common' spells? Yes. Spells like Resistance (general elemental/ether resistance boost), Negation (spellsword ward piercing boost), and Dispel are there. But outside that? The "common"ness of spells will change depending on where you fight, who you're fighting, etc.

You can learn more about how an arsenal (spell or materiel) affects war from reading about battles (which goes under history) than any book purely about armaments.

(Edit):
I guess I do need to figure out if there's a way to squeeze this discussion into the novel itself to highlight the fact.

[Aorii]

volume 2 chapter 10 posted
http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... Chapter_10

first taste of things getting weird, and critical...

[skychan]

Wow...

Okay I have to say getting a log in for the forums section was nigh impossible, more a trick of continuing to try forever until it finally gave me a question that I could guess the correct answer and format for... now that all said.

Chapter 9

I'm very pleased to have heard about this story and now finished catching up. I would have had more comments but I gave up trying to register a second time on the forum so those comments are lost. In general however I like how Pascal has been portrayed. Both incredibly insensitive and harshly pragmatic on the surface while actually being quite a bit more once you start peeling back the layers of the onion.

Chapter 10

I have to say that the relationship between Sylviane, Kaede and Cecylia is wonderful. I like how complex it is shaping up to be. How there can be friendship, affection, yet downright brutal competition all at once. The fact that Kaede is still so unsettled throughout this chapter, and doesn't truly know her own mind yet only makes the dynamic more interesting. The hints of what Sylviane really wants from her, and that Cecylia is actively helping her gain are the icing on the cake. If she can earn Kaede's full trust, I think that what will come out of it would be incredible, both in depth of feeling, trust, and the fulfillment that all involved will get out of the relationship.

[skychan]

General comments after reading comments.



When you switch perspectives from the main or established characters you need to provide the reader with much clearer guidance as to where they are. Preferably within the first paragraph to identify, clearly, the nation and attitude of that nation towards our characters and now the war. Two times you have introduced a snip that was hard to follow. The first time we saw the Empire plotting, and when se saw the Princes' brother plotting. Simple names aren't enough to keep things clear for us when we have not had them pounded into our skulls. You need more, to reference major events or opinions that those areas hold.

Ie with the prince in chapter 10. Describe the chapel as being surrounded by the army raised to go south to fight the invading heathens to stop them until their allies can help. That would be enough to clearly identify the nation and area the segment takes place in. Then when you reveal whats going on we don't pause, wondering if we are actually reading about people in the empire.

Back in the past, with the assassination attempt.

I do agree with Chill-I-am in that I am surprised just how much they seemed to need Kaede's timing note. I can only guess that they couldn't actually spy like they claimed they were doing.

On the original poisoning. It appears that Samarans should heal even from an antimagic/antimage poison faster than normal, so I would actually suggest that you change it's stated duration to be about double whatever period you want Kaede down. (or whatever multiple you want Samaran's and their blood to be normally healing faster at). When I first was reading that I thought that it was a killing poison and the only reason she was alive at all was her biology. Instead her biology doesn't seem to have been involved at all. It is mentioned, so it should be.

On spots to mention Pascal's hair. Uniforms, uniforms, uniforms. They have hats and helmets and whenever you have an excuse to describe one, going on, or off you can use it to describe his hair.

More on poison. How many poisons can resist a detect spell? The number is presumably low so that should in itself be rather identifiable by lack of evidence as presumably other causes of Kaede's collapse should have been identifiable. You might want to put more in about how healers have seen something similar before as for why they don't think of poisoning. Or as House would have us believe, "Its Lupus!" A misdiagnosis is better than a lack of one.

On the unbalanced relationship angle.

I actually really like this. The fact that Kaede is in a very unbalanced relationship powerwise with both Sylv and Pascal is good for your story. It adds to the interest I have and I do approve of it. The society you are writing about should not have her as his equal. That is why I am so looking forward to her being given her award for valor. It will be a point that for just a moment she will be on equal footing with those around her, perhaps even more than equal before being pushed back down into a subservient role. (even if she doesn't truly dislike such a dynamic as you begin to imply in chp 10)

Oh, another review reminded me. I would like to see more of Kaede and technology and the power of ideas. To see where she could leverage modern world knowledge, perhaps particularly with electricity, to Pascal's advantage. I grant it won't likely come until after the fighting, but one big difference here is that our world is more technologically advanced, by necessity, than theirs. Be it as simple as germ theory, or something far more complex, I would like to see that aspect of her knowledge used. Its one reason she was summoned as his intellectual equal. You have a very good point on why firearms never developed. However just because magic shortstopped a technology doesn't mean that knowing the end result wont allow Kaede to be able to make potent arguments for its adoption later. Typewriters, cyphers, pen's. At what point does regular tech become easier than magic? I also would like to see her make more use of history, both theirs as she learns it and ours as she finds lessons unknown to them.

On sudden gender changes. I would have expected to menstruate, I would also have been far more concerned by not and done research about Samaran's to find out if that was natural. I would also be all over everything I could get on them to find out if there are important racial differences to sex and pregnancy that could bite me on the… ass later. Even if not attracted to men I would want to know what the possible repercussions could be. 1 month pregnancy? 24 months? Cross racial viability?

On the Vito Russo Test comment you made. I have a feeling that Sylv may be the one to pass that for you from this last chapter. With the possibility of Cecylia being involved either in youthful 'indiscretions/discovery' or at least as a confidant of that kinds of behavior that she engaged/engages in.

As a final note, I think you hit on a slew of my favorite things. Pulled into a different world, Genderswapping. Its wonderful. So yes I love things like ZnT, SAO, Ranma, etc. So I'm just curious, do you know of other good stories that are similar or have similar concepts and patterns to them? I ask because after reading yours and reaching the end… I'm suffering withdrawal of such good stories and writing! Good stories that include genderbending are hard to find and this one is grand. I already picked up on Kanojo ni Naru Hi from the discussion thread here, but are there others?

[caparo]

volume 2 chapter 10 posted
http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... Chapter_10

first taste of things getting weird, and critical...

Things are getting critical, in a good way