OLN: Daybreak on Hyperion

[Aorii]

aaaaannnd CH14 is out after four revisions.
http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... Chapter_14

I'm still not sure about some parts of the content (and beta-readers have been busy which really limited our discussions). So... thoughts extra welcomed.

Decided to conclude this vol with CH14 and push the remaining chapter (and Sylviane's intro) into vol2.

[SereneSolace]

Great Job on the first volume!

One thing that bothered me in the last chapter, the king of Weichsel's name, King Leopold. King Leopold is the name of a king known for his great exploitation of the Congo and the death of 2-15 million Congonese. Leopold II of Belgium outwardly pretended to be a philanthropist while he profited greatly from the Congo. For him being on the protagonist side, it certainly doesn't bode well for Weichsel.

[Aorii]

@SereneSolace
Thanks ^^
The name is actually a very common one, so I wouldn't read too much into it at this point ^^;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold#Royalty

[Schion93]

I'm LOVING this story, keep up the good work. Btw I'm curious how strong Pascal and Kaede really is since we didn't really see both of them in action much

[Schion93]

I will refer you if you are interested to this manga called " Kanojo ni Naru Hi" , many people found it outright strange but I liked it .

Is that like Mikiyo Tsudas "Day of Revolution"?

There is sequel of sorts to it called Kanojo ni Naru Hi Another which is also a good read XD

[Aorii]

@Schion93
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
As for the characters...

Pascal is tanky, can rapidly replenish buffs, and has high ether reserves thanks to his runic/gem magic. But as Siegfried von Kirchner pointed out in CH6, his preferred magic style has limited offensive potential. His sword skills are average; his rapid-buffing is what gives him the edge in most duels for a quick finish.

Kaede is an amateur, 'nuff said =P

I actually have character sheets for all the characters just so I don't fall into a power-creep issue xD
All the characters are built with one or two of eight classifications in mind:

• Knight - the spellsword fighters who really pull their weight up close; knights operate better in groups.
• Champion - also fighters of the martial type; champions are better than knights but prefer to work by themselves.
• Warlord - battle-commanders; they can fight, but not as well as using tactics to command others.
• Emissary - aka politicians; they have a ridiculous amount of social skills and abilities.
• Strategist - tactical and strategic advisers in political, economic, and/or military matters; they do not pull their weight in most fights.
• Director - administrators with superb organization skills, whether it's to handle trade or manage army logistics.
• Infiltrator - spies and assassins, mostly.
• Archmage - the magic equivalent of champions, just prefers pure spellpower over sword-n-sorcery. Some operate well with other mages, others not so much.

"So what if he can fight really well? How many enemies can he kill -- tens? hundreds? I want him to learn how to command tens of thousands!"
-- Emperor Wudi of Han Dynasty, China, about Wei Qing, a stable servant who eventually rose to become the Grand Commandant of the Empire

[SereneSolace]

• Knight - the spellsword fighters who really pull their weight up close; knights operate better in groups.
• Champion - also fighters of the martial type; champions are better than knights but prefer to work by themselves.
• Warlord - battle-commanders; they can fight, but not as well as using tactics to command others.
• Emissary - aka politicians; they have a ridiculous amount of social skills and abilities.
• Strategist - tactical and strategic advisers in political, economic, and/or military matters; they do not pull their weight in most fights.
• Director - administrators with superb organization skills, whether it's to handle trade or manage army logistics.
• Infiltrator - spies and assassins, mostly.
• Archmage - the magic equivalent of champions, just prefers pure spellpower over sword-n-sorcery. Some operate well with other mages, others not so much.

No guardian/defensive magic class? Those Archmage's must completely dominate the battlefield with AoE spells :p

[Aorii]

@SereneSolace
Defensive spellcasting is heavier for most mages than offense though. Mass buffs, spellfire interdiction, and dispelling hostile magic is on the job description for unit commanders. So obviously, climbing the rank ladder is much harder for those not of noble or at least yeoman birth.

Archmages are rare since it requires natural talent (high magical potential and good affinities) on top of discipline, plus expertise through long periods of training. They're still not the all-trump. Good casters may be worth their weight in gold, but so is a well-organized team of lessers.

[Aorii]

First chapter of next volume! Came out faster than I expected:
http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... _Chapter_1

Blue because red doesn't burn hot enough.

[Schion93]

Good job on chapter one of volume 2 it was great reading about Pascal and the princesses time together :3 as always, keep up the good work

[Ilcadbbl]

Hi, your novel has been a great read.

I do have a few comments(questions), mostly about the gender thing.
-Was his/her name always Kaede? If she started out as a boy wouldn't she have a guy's name? Maybe it's just me but I feel as if Kaede is a girl's name.
-Why was she so willing to give in to wearing woman's clothing. You would think after however long she was alive previously, she would rather be wearing pants... instead of skirts and heels. (the gender pronouns are killing me)
-Also people generally come across height changing issues. AS in, after you grow a decent amount, you become unbalanced and uncoordinated. Shouldn't Kaede have experienced some of this?
-I'm confused where the bow came from, and how Kaede learned to shoot. (A lot of her history seems to be missing) It seems like a plot point thrown in there, but then hasn't really come into effect yet.
-Can you explain the "Borinful" joke? Boring?

Other than that, your story is quite amazing. I actually didn't realize it was a original light novel for the first read through. Only after i went looking for it again did I find out. I hope to read a lot lot more!

[Aorii]

@Schion93 - Thanks ^^

@Ilcadbbl - Glad you've enjoyed it. So for the questions:
-Was his/her name always Kaede? If she started out as a boy wouldn't she have a guy's name? Maybe it's just me but I feel as if Kaede is a girl's name.
-- Kaede is a unisex name (so is her middle/Russian name Nika), although cultural trends have leaned toward female side bit more. His/her parents were lazy.

-Why was she so willing to give in to wearing woman's clothing. You would think after however long she was alive previously, she would rather be wearing pants... instead of skirts and heels. (the gender pronouns are killing me)
-- That's Pascal's fault, since he's the one who ordered her clothes. Kaede herself didn't go shopping until with Ariadne (CH7), by which point she's understood the dress culture a lot more -- which is based on the Earth Medieval "each gender must wear appropriate clothing" culture, courtesy of the Catholic Church. I'll see if I can drop a few more lines in to make this obvious.
-- I used 'her' for Kaede starting real earlier precious because of address issues =P

-Also people generally come across height changing issues. AS in, after you grow a decent amount, you become unbalanced and uncoordinated. Shouldn't Kaede have experienced some of this?
-- Well, she does have coordination issues at the start. Just not a ton of it. I blame magic, and the fact it's kind of annoying to write and boring to read about xD

-I'm confused where the bow came from, and how Kaede learned to shoot. (A lot of her history seems to be missing) It seems like a plot point thrown in there, but then hasn't really come into effect yet.
-- She did comment upon waking up she was preparing for an archery tournament... it's still a modern sport after all.

-Can you explain the "Borinful" joke? Boring?
-- Boring-ful. I didn't want to elaborate because of how lame it is. Hence Kaede's comment on Pascal's maturity.

[thatrandom_guy]

Well just started & finished reading your novel, started at 2:28am its is now 7:34am & just from that you can tell I have been exceptionally entertained or I read terribly slowly either way, I haven't stopped until I finished volume 1 so thank you for that & until I read this forum I truly believed this was from a "professional" author (I quote professional since this was a better read than most LN's I've read) due to this story having a excellent plot so far & truly interesting character. It has been a story thus far that has draw me in to know what's coming next, I really hope you continue as I personally would pay to read such great work.

As far a constructive criticism & feedback goes im sorry to say that isn't my speciality but if I come across any in future I shall let you know in a respectable and helpful way of course since you can guarantee ill shall be coming back to read this novel as it progresses. Again thank you for this great work & looking forward to more (:

[Aorii]

@thatrandom_guy
Thanks for the encouragement ^o^ I'm glad you liked it.
And feel free to point out when you do have issues with any part. Until then, enjoy =)

[windoze]

Thanks for writing the novel! Great first volume, hoping to read a second volume

It's great to see some interesting and alternate world building