OLN: Daybreak on Hyperion

[Aorii]

@Caparo:
At least you approve ^^
Based on the B-T Fb notification, I don't think some others liked this one so much


@Skychan:
Firstly, thanks for the loads of feedback. I'm quite honored you're enjoying it that much ^o^
Secondly, yeah, the B-T forums is kind of a pain to use... between the registration, the password change requests that behave more like a bug than anything else, not to mention the latest login issues...

I think I saw your profile link in on Fictionpress? Could also just use that for feedback dropping XD

Yeah those introductory scenes are kind of a pain... defining the region/circumstance for those out-of-place scenes does sound like a good idea. Seems to give a lot better perspective when I add a sentence in to clarify:

Gabriel Gautier de Gaetane, Duke of Auxerre and brother of the Emperor, still knelt in prayer before the Cross of Holy Hyperion when the gates to the stone chapel opened. Through it one could see the dozens of banners flying outside, where an entire army camped in the fields surrounding the rural Lotharin town.

In regards to the assassination... well, how much they needed it is left to interpretation (and depends on how much you read into the details I guess). Although I don't remember the poison having any kind of "officialized duration", so technically it should have knocked an average person out a lot harder/longer.

I must not be a hats person... since I don't think I've put much thought into what the uniform hat looks like ^^"

A misdiagnosis is also the sign of a less competent/honest healer. It's not easy for a professional to claim they don't understand something... but, pretending to know is usually more harmful (certainly in medicine). So while it might shed more light on their practice, I don't think it's necessarily a good idea there (also because it would throw the entire flow off and I don't quite want to rewrite that entire scene! XD)

Glad you're interested in the relationship dynamic. It does worry me since it's a real opinion splitter : some people believe it makes thing more fascinating, others are really bothered by it. In either case, this is something I'll enjoy exploring if nothing else, since... "it's complicated", especially with the political aspects in mind.

On technology: you make a good point that since Kaede know more about "end results" it'll affect what techs she promotes advancing. The problem here is looking for the opportunity. Most modern technologies are built atop something extremely complicated that only specialists really understand. For example: as someone with some electrical engineering education, I can tell you that power grid transmission is no simple affair, and long-range electrical transmission is a requirement to adapt any electric-tech on a large scale. Hyperion is definitely at a point where they should have widespread steam-tech in the major industrial centers though for steam turbine power generation, though.

As for the gender changes: sheesh, that's a lot of reading ahead. Certainly fair she would look into some of those though. However, there's not much point talking about it (in writing) until the info start becoming important.

Vito Russo Test: not sure if this meets or doesn't meet criteria. But there's a much bigger one. Can't reveal much since this is a plot point later ^^

Mmmh, sorry but I don't think I can help too much on the recommendations aspect. One of the reasons this fiction idea was a genderbender is because how few genderbenders take it the topic seriously. I've been reading Boku wa Mari no Naka though -- it's an intensely psychological, but not really an 'enjoyable' series (more like, painfully intriguing lol!). As for pulled-into-alternate-world series, I'm a big fan of Twelve Kingdoms and Red River and it's pretty hard to beat either one in anime/manga side material XD

I do read a decent amount of western alternative history though. The Ring of Fire series being my favorite one... (partially because a large chunk of the series may be freely accessed thanks to Baen Books' policy, which made it easy to get into). As a genre, alternative history is probably the best in identifying the problems involved in adapting modern tech to a society of lesser technology... like when they were assessing the development of cartridge ammo in Ring of Fire and the high-school chemistry teacher realizes that developing percussion caps involves some very dangerous chemical work that he's not familiar with. So they stuck to mass production of muzzle-loading firearms instead of rapidly upgrading to breechloaders.

[caparo]

Based on the B-T Fb notification, I don't think some others liked this one so much

Wait a minute. Is there another discussion thread that I'm not aware of? I feel left out

[Aorii]

@Caparo:
Discussion thread? not at all. Just noting the facebook page where they announce chapter releases =P

[caparo]

@Aorii

Are you referring to https://www.facebook.com/Baka.Tsuki.org#?

If so, there doesn't seem to be any disapproving comments regarding the latest chapter.

[ldvtho]

Hi Aorii. Just finish reading the new chapter, and one random question got stuck in my mind somehow. (please forgive me if I sound silly. There is not enough blood flow to my brain right now)
Is there any evident (historically/ psychological research) that what Sylviane is doing (i.e sexuall harashment) can accomplish her intended purpose?

[Aorii]

@Caparo:
I track the "likes". It's not much, but in the absence of pagecounts, I need some method of gauging audience interest ^^"

@Idvtho:
It doesn't. Which is why Cecylia is telling Sylv that if she wants to get some purpose done, she needs to stay well away from that (at this stage, anyways).

[ldvtho]

Hmm. I look around a bit on the net, and I found the term "Stockholm Syndrome". In my opinion, this may have some relevant to your new chapter.

I am not trying to tell you how to write your story, Aorii. It is your story. The reason why I keep thinking back on this chapter is because I have this weird belief that there is a sound basis for Sylv action, and if she keep it going, she might archive what she intended.

And now I know there is a psychological term for it. live and let's learn.

[Aorii]

@ldvtho

Um no, just no, in so many ways. Some of my psychologist friends would actually be offended by that...
You probably should read what Stockholm Syndrome actually is instead of taking a term and run with it. For one, it is a relationship developed out of circumstance by cutting off other external relations and by forcing the victim into a tight corner where a bond with the oppressor seems like a light in darkness...
I'm also not touching Stockholm Syndrome with a 10ft pole. There is a lot of bad connotations surrounding it and it is very rarely done properly in any story (and even when done and explored right, it's a big opinion splitter)

[rafa94]

Hi!! I read this thread by chance yesterday after registering here in the forum and then visited the main page in the Wiki. I checked the synopsis and scanned the first chapter (volume 1) to find a high quality prose. Seriously, your prose is very good. And, finally, I started reading! By now I've just finished chapter 5 and I love it!! The characters' personality are well-defined and the reader esaily immerses him/herself in the story. As well, Hyperion is a believable continent (though I need to read more). To sum up, great job! Congratulations!

I can't wait to continue reading the novel and, what's more, it helps me improve my English reading as I'm Spanish... I understood most of the text, except the dialogue when Pascal speaks badly because Kaede has beat him (chapter 3), the following sentences indeed:

"Wha'... wahe 'at... fo?"
"I fink 'ou brog 'wo 'oohe,"
"Area dehence and healing rune sed." (this is the easy one haha)

I can guess, but my English imagination is limited hahaha anyway, I'll go on reading

[Aminity]

So, I was out of Light novels to read (either not fully translated yet or they caught up to the releases the author made so far) and I was looking for something else to read. When I noticed Daybreak the info text really interested me so I started reading. As I read before going to bed it should be noted I quite overslept the next day because I had to keep reading one more chapter xD. As I read on my phone I was a bit disappointed it does not show up under Original in the BakaReaderEX app, but that doesn't take away the fact that its just an awesome piece of writing

I am at volume 2, chapter 4 now and I really like your style of writing as well as the referencing Kaede does to the world as we know it. When I go on tonight I will probably hit the last chapter available so I hope you are still as motivated as when you started writing

[Aorii]

I apologize for the delays in response (not to mention next chapter won't be out for some more weeks). Simply been way too preoccupied with moving and settling in at new place...
(Also because logging in here is a pain =\)

@rafa94:
Thanks. A certain English major will be glad to hear that all the training he gave me in prose seems to be paying off XD (still needs refining though; it's an ongoing process ^^") Glad you've enjoyed it thus far and hope for more feedback from you =)

Yeah odd spellings often make it hard to read. I do "accents" in most books myself so I try not to use it much. The translation spell gives a perfect excuse.



@Aminity:
So Daybreak does show up in the BakaReaderEX app but not as "original"?
Hope you continue to enjoy the story~ ^^

My motivation comes in cycles. More enthusiastic some months compared to others. Although time between updates have gotten longer and longer due to the increasing length of chapters and the number of characters / details need juggling.

[Aminity]

Sorry for the late reply.
No it doesn't show up in the app at all, caught up the last chapter as well, curious how volume 2 will turn out now xD

[Aorii]

I can't really tell why it doesn't show ... =(

After much delays, volume 2 chapter 11 is finally out...
http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... Chapter_11

Warning: one of the scenes is... weird. XD

[skychan]

Poor Kaede once Sylvianne kicks her out of Pascal's bed after the campaign she's going to suffer nightmares without her big teddy bear.
When Kaede thought, "news flash:" at Pascal, did their bond or the telepathic nature of it clarify the expressions meaning for him? I wouldn't expect that term to exist in Hyperion as yet.

I am a little curious, as Sylviane is clearly staying in the same encampment, why did she leave Kaede with Pascal that night, or not see to it that there were separate beds? Was she simply too busy to notice or is it something else?

Reading the conversation during the stroll with the three of them again I really enjoyed it. There is a definite feeling that Sylviane is growing to respect Kaede more, and recognize her as an individual more than simply as Pascal's familiar, as an unfortunate thing she will have to deal with for her life, but someone on her own merits.

In a general sense I really enjoy this chapter because you have managed to work in a very nice bit of socialization with most of the major characters into the middle of what could otherwise be dominated by action and combat.

I wonder, are you going to write a scene where the survivors of 3rd company get into a brawl over Kaede's virtue? It might be a nice homage to her gaining acceptance with the military if you can find a reasonable way to work it in.

It’s a bit of a non-sequiter, but I just realized, the typical d&d two rings, one necklace, one piece of armor, boots, gloves etc limit on magical items makes a bit more sense when the enchantments on those items is not intrinsic to the item itself but tied into the magic of the bearer. Such that too many enchanted rings etc would overwhelm the ability of someone to power them. At least in this world.

total pervert!" => Total pervert!
It was not as hyped up to be..." => as good as it was hyped up to be? It seems like you missed saying what it was hyped as. But it could just be conversational shortcuts.
Kaede would generally agree to that view. => Kaede generally agreed to that view, or agreed with that view.
happiness of individuals were mere illusions => was mere illusion. I think happiness is a single thing here despite it being held by multiple individuals.
she tend to be very picky => tends
admired engagement ring => admired the engagement ring
experiences in courtship in the other world => experiences of courtship

[wrwrwrwr21]

happiness of individuals were mere illusions => was mere illusion. I think happiness is a single thing here despite it being held by multiple individuals.

or: "Without civil stability, the happiness of individuals is merely an illusion, one that could vanish into thin air at any time." ?

Glad you're back Aorii, and thank you for the new chapter!