Volume 2, Chapter 4

[Const2k]

Every 'Viscount Wald' and 'Wald' was substituted by 'Viscount Wardes' and 'Wardes', according to 'ZnT Names and Terminology'.
But there things that aren't so obvious to fix... Someone with access to raws, please check [my assumptions]:

Guiche who did not dare [to look] at Wardes directly

Even in hand to hand combat with Wardes with[out] the use of magic

I don't [think] that I can compare with him in any aspect

Another world different from Halkeginia really does exists...
(without 'does' - I found no strikethrough font support here )

The man in the white mask gave a once over at the mercenaries that Fouquet had hired
('gave a glance'? Or is it okay as it is? I have no idea since English is foreign language for me)

she did not really know weather if she still has any feelings for him
(whether? still had?)

Meanwhile, Saito realizing that Louise was looking at himself
(Loise is a 'she', so she can't look at 'himself', am I right? If so, then script should read 'him' instead of 'himself'.)

The burning torches illuminated the ravine that they were about to cross
(I don't think 'that' is necessary here).

The burning torches had frightened the horses and thew Saito and Guiche off its backs
('thew' = 'they threw'; shouldn't 'its' be 'their' in this case? Moreover, 'The horses, frightened by ..., threw ...' sounds better to me.)

Just as they thought they [were] about to meet their doom

That same hurricane caught all the arrows and sent it away
(either 'sent them' or 'went' instead of 'sent it', but not as it is now)

Though I'm sure I didn't make any my own mistakes here, this doesn't mean it's really true... So I'll be glad if someone speaking English natively tells me I'm right or fixes my mistakes, if any.

[onizuka-gto]

i have to look for my ZNT raws, dunno where i put it.

So i can't give you an accurate check, but from the ones you stated...


Guiche who did not dare look at Wardes directly


Even in hand to hand combat with Wardes without the use of magic

I don't think that I can compare with him in any aspect

Another world different from Halkeginia really does exists...
(without 'does' - I found no strikethrough font support here )

<- not sure what this means, but it looks alright.

The man in the white mask gave a once over at the mercenaries that Fouquet had hired
('gave a glance'? Or is it okay as it is? I have no idea since English is foreign language for me)

<- this sentence is valid in english, but so is your alternative. you can even make it more simple by substituting "gave a once" with "glanced"

she did not really know whether if she still has any feelings for him


Meanwhile, Saito realizing that Louise was looking at him


The burning torches illuminated the ravine they were about to cross


The burning torches had frightened the horses and thew Saito and Guiche off its backs
('thew' = 'they threw'; shouldn't 'its' be 'their' in this case? Moreover, 'The horses, frightened by ..., threw ...' sounds better to me.)
<- yeah sounds better as:

The horses, frightened by the burning torches threw Saito and Guiche of its backs.

Just as they thought they were about to meet their doom

That same hurricane caught all the arrows and sent it away
(either 'sent them' or 'went' instead of 'sent it', but not as it is now)

<- this can be difficult, unless the next bit has a specific purpose such as:

"that same hurricane.......it was sent away into the next village" then its valid.

if that's just the end of the sentence, then its save to say that the implied meaning was that the hurricane disrupted the flights of the arrows so that the did not hit their targets.

As for "sent them away" its sound funny even in english, because it gives an impression that the arrows suddenly stopped in mid-air and shot back to...somewhere...

in that context you could substitute "sent it away" with:

That same hurricane caught all the arrows and scattered them away

as to imply that the wind of the hurricane just knocked them in the air into different directions.

[Const2k]

Oni, thanks for your input, I've just corrected the script. A few remarks:
"Another world different from Halkeginia really does exists..."
I always thought that last 's' in "does <verb>s" construction is excessive; it should read either "does <verb>" or "<verb>s" (without "does"), depending on the context. Are you absolutely sure quoted sentence is alright? As for strikethrough font, I meant [s]text[/s] tags that can be used to mark mistakes; I don't see the support for them here (just bold, italics and underline).

"That same hurricane caught all the arrows and sent it away."
It's a whole sentence. I've replaced "sent it" by "scattered them", but, thinking of it, it seems to me that whirlwind would scatter arrows in different directions; hurricane (a very strong wind, to simplify) would send them in its own direction instead. Translator (Christof) tells us it's hurricane, so I think I'll use "That same hurricane caught all the arrows and sent them away." instead.
I see a horse in English is 'it' (while it's 'she' in Russian (since horse is alive), that's why I thought horses' backs are 'their', not 'its'); nevertheless, arrows here should be "they" -> "sent them", am I right?

[Dan]

I think you need to look at the subject and make the verb fit, so even though "really does exist" sounds better, you're tallking about "Another world" which "exists". However, no one I know really talks that way. Instead of going for perfect English in our translations, I say we take the Mark Twain idea and write conversations as they would really be said. So it's fine either way.

"Them" is fine to use. It's a genderless pronoun anyway.

[Const2k]

Thanks for confirmation, Dan. I'm using "Another world different from Halkeginia really exists..." and "That same hurricane caught all the arrows and sent them away." for the script.

I agree that translators shouldn't aim for perfect English - it's editors' job after all.

[Dan]

Ok, that's good. Still, I think you brought a good point to light. Should we follow ridgid rules of English, or should we make the script readable/flow more easily in these kinds of cases?

I know a lot of people would just read it and keep going, but when I run across some awkardly worded phrases, I get caught up.

[Const2k]

Still, I think you brought a good point to light. Should we follow ridgid rules of English, or should we make the script readable/flow more easily in these kinds of cases?

I know a lot of people would just read it and keep going, but when I run across some awkardly worded phrases, I get caught up.

(a bit offtopic here, but anyway) We are leaving firm ground from here on. The main question is defining how much easier the script should flow for editors to ignore language rules. I smell religious wars here, so I don't think any mistakes AT ALL should be tolerated. Of course, they're inevitable, but IMO editor who's spotted a mistake is obliged to fix it. After all, translation has enough variations from Japanese original already (especially when it's based on Chinese texts), and mistakes will lower its authencity even more. Also, please keep in mind that B-T has readers from all over the globe, and the project is re-(re)translated into other languages as well... What makes your understanding (as native English speaker) easier, can make unnecessary problems with translation for foreigners (like myself).

By the way, I recall English language has "sequence of tenses" rule... According to it, aforementioned "she did not really know whether if she still has any feelings for him" must be "she did not really know whether if she still had any feelings for him". Is that so in modern American English or I need to refresh my school-level English knowledge? XD

[Dan]

I see your point. So in the interest of our translation being used as the basis for other translations, it should be grammatically correct.

"Had" would be correct, since she is questioning the existence of her feelings. Sort of like asking a friend "You had that game?" even though he still might have it.

[Const2k]

OK, I've fixed it. Thanks for explanation, Dan.

I see your point. So in the interest of our translation being used as the basis for other translations, it should be grammatically correct.

Yes, I think so. Besides, when people read books, they tend to remember the way words/sentences are written (even if they don't think about this). Reading is a way to improve one's language, so correct spelling helps everyone, while incorrect may be harmful. For example, from my web experience I thought that "anyways" is as correct to use as "anyway". Surely, it doesn't change meaning a bit, but... It's just wrong. So I'll continue proofreading (and editing, where my skills allow me); but don't think I ask other editors do the same - since I can hardly be an editor myself, I can't demand this from others.