Editing Phenomeno: Volume 6 Prologue (section)

==Volume 6 Prologue==




A lot of things—got cut off.

Sad things.

Painful things. 

Unbeknownst to me, they had been scraped off before I realized it. 

Lately, I've been unable to get rid of these feelings in the depths of my consciousness. And you might say, “Isn't it just fine? It's not a problem at all. It’s important to forget painful things.”

Ah, it’s not like I want to go through all the trouble of experiencing my negative past all over again. Of course, there are countless things I don't want to remember. But, that's not it. There are times when I end up thinking that the sad things, and the bitter things, are part of who I am. 

I mean, if I only had happy memories, wouldn't you think that it was a threadbare life? You don't understand? Well, it's not like I'm making a problem out of it in particular. It's just, I can't accept that these feelings are scraped off without my knowledge. The fact that I've been through so much, and someone took it away from me without giving it substance, leaving only a tingling pain - it's just, just so empty.

I almost jump up in the middle of the night and scream, ‘Give it back’.

However, every time, someone would ask in return.



--You can have it back, but...

--Can you taste that sadness, that pain, once more?


I couldn’t answer immediately. 

Because even though the memories of that pain, that sadness, are no more, the fact that it was so painful, and so agonizing, is etched into my body.

--That’s why, I couldn’t answer. No, I must have decided to use ‘couldn’t answer’ as a cover for ‘not answering’. In this way, I waited for the question to fade away.



I was a coward – and above all, a loser.





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