Editing Talk:Campione!:Volume 6 Chapter1 (section)

==Kira==
Comments:

"even the Venice Beach": Venice Beach is a place in California, "the" is not needed.  Anyway, I changed the entire sentence because the fan translation turns out to make more sense in this case.

"Jack works for the Los Angeles branch": past tense narration means that the story is told from some indeterminate time afterwards, when facts may have changed.  Hence "worked", i.e. no assumption on current state of affairs.  After all, he could die or the city could be destroyed through the course of the story.

"I am now have": "am now have" is clearly grammatically incorrect.

"How can I wait? To refuse...": wrong interpretation.  JPS is asking Jack to wait.

"gathered in this city than in any other": the second "in" just sounds clunky.  After all, the "than..." phrase can apply to "this city" rather than the verb "gathered in."  Of course, as a parsing issue, it does depend on the reader's preference.

"he was given the great title of the 'Ruler of the Underworld'": 'Ruler of the Underworld' is not his title.  He was given the ''name'' of a particular ruler of the underworld -- Pluto.  Hence, small letters for ruler of the underworld.

"turning himself into an invincible giant, and shooting magic bullets": he doesn't shoot magic bullets when he's an invincible giant, hence the separating comma.

Open for discussion (stylistic):

Is there any problem with the expression "winning a struggle"?  Struggles have to be "gone through" instead of won?

"it was an indisputable fact": Since the phrase "this is fact" is just as valid as "this is a fact," is it really necessary to put in an article?

Isn't "world famous" a valid phrase?

--[[User:Zzhk|Zzhk]] ([[User talk:Zzhk|talk]]) 19:08, 10 August 2012 (CDT)