Editing HEAVY OBJECT:MonicaSS (section)

===Part 1===

Paris, Normandy District.

As you likely know, that city existed at the very center of a safe country and was the combined capital of the Legitimacy Kingdom’s home country. Land values were so ridiculously high it was hard to even rent an apartment there. Buying one’s own home sweet home was completely out of the question, but there were a few locations that took up a large chunk of land even in Paris, one of the world’s most densely populated areas.

One of those was the Royal Techno Academy.

Quenser Barbotage had ''returned'' there this afternoon.

He wore the dark blue blazer of the Academy’s uniform. That Azur Soleil – azure sun – was the symbol of a prestigious school that strict mothers aspired to so much that they would throw their child into the entrance exam wars whether the child liked it or not. And blue was undeniably the color of the Legitimacy Kingdom. In other words, that uniform was worn by the children who would support the future of that world power.

Quenser traveled the world destroying the colossal Objects which could survive a nuclear bomb and the online news called him a Dragon Killer, but his proper home was this school full of green lawns that took students from elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and graduate school.

Allen Jackrose, a male classmate who wore the same uniform but wore plastic elbow and knee pads, had this to say.

“Hey now. If you were coming back from the battlefield, you should’ve told me. Now we can’t even throw you a surprise party. And did you come straight here from the airport? I hope you at least paid your parents a visit, Quensette.”

“Don’t call me that. That’s the legendary maid who only appears at the cultural festival. And I couldn’t stay at home because my old man is sheltering yet another girl like he’s taking in an abandoned cat. This one’s the illegitimate child of some noble and she’s been caught in the middle of some inheritance issues! I step inside my room to find that girl has transformed it into her independent nation of cake and tea. Ahh, I’ll have to find a cheap hotel to spend the night.”

“Your old man has got one hell of a chivalrous spirit for some plain-looking guy in a suit. He’s a knight from the age of Saint George. They don’t even make movies about that kind of retro hero anymore.”

“What he has is a kind of sickness, same as a compulsive gambler or speed demon. He doesn’t even think about how it will benefit him! From what I’ve heard, it was something similar that led him to marry my mom while they were still students.”

“Don’t worry. You’ve got the same blood in your veins.”

Since the Academy had an elementary school, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, and all the related research buildings, the campus was both sprawling and complicated. It was so easy to get lost that visitors and hopeful students called it a dungeon.

They were in a dining hall.

Allen looked perfectly at home, but Quenser was looking around restlessly even as he leaned back in his chair and rested his legs on the table.

“I can’t believe I’m in here. The sign out front says it’s the noble dining hall, right? I feel out of place as a commoner. It’s like seeing the pink tiles of the girls locker room.”

“Quensette, I’m not going to even ask why you know the color of the tiles in the girls locker room. But is it that weird? It’s hard for me to tell as a poor noble with the proper ID but not much else. My home is a 500-year-old rundown apartment, you know?”

“That just makes it rarer. Is it a world heritage site made from an old monastery or something?” Quenser breathed an exasperated sigh. “Anyway, how have your film studies been going? Weren’t you saying you planned to sell your script to a distribution company? How’d that go?”

“I made a connection with a producer and got their digital business card.” Allen pulled out his smartphone and waved it around. “They’re actually holding a competition today, but that was before all this trouble. To be honest, I’m carrying a print-out of my script under my clothes. Once this is over, I’m gonna run right there. Hopefully I’ll look like the star showing up just in the nick of time.”

“So even the Academy’s geniuses have trouble finding work, huh? Why not get some help from that…what was it called? That club you can only join if your grades are near the top in the school? Um, the Golden Lion Club? You’re part of that secret salon, aren’t you?”

“That’s only useful if you want strict military and government contacts. It’s a complete waste of time for the more relaxed entertainment industry.”

“Wow, that sounds good to me. I want an in as an Object designer, so I wish you’d hand over all those connections.”

“Got anything useful to trade me? …Anyway, I’m just clever enough to get perfect scores on my tests. When they hold me up like some kind of genius for that, it all feels so silly I wish I could trade lives with someone else.”

Quenser and Allen both yawned.

They could hear some loud voices coming from outside the building.

“Speaking of the girls your old man rescues, have you heard what Monica is up to?”

“Lady Monica, huh?”

Quenser’s voice was dripping with scorn, but Allen leaned forward.

“I heard she’s become an idol that sells decently enough. She visits different battlefields around the world and introduces cutting-edge Objects for everyone back in their living rooms! It’s damn amazing. She really can turn anything into a success. Hard to believe that’s the same girl who had to be sheltered in your food cellar after her family collapsed. I bet I could write an entire script just telling her life story.”

“Ha ha! Her!? Smiling for the camera? Pushing her tits together and shaking her ass for some sex appeal? Not a chance! She can’t go a sentence without calling you a servant, she criticizes how you open a damn door, she insists you stand by her side to make her look better, and she can’t get enough of picking on a commoner like me! There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell she knows how to fake a smile!!”

“Um, uh…”

“And another thing. A battlefield idol reporter? She introduces cutting-edge Objects??? Nope, nope. There’s just no way. Wow, just imagining it gives me goose bumps. Besides, she’s lousy with machines! Whenever I brought her a portable TV or radio to keep her busy in our cramped cellar, she would break it before half a day was up and come crying to me every single time! Do you have any idea how many times I had to fix those things!? And how did that crazy girl even break them that badly!?”

“…”

“Hm? What’s the matter, Allen? You’ve gotten awfully quiet.”

Quenser looked confused and Allen finally spoke up in an apologetic way.

“Sorry, Quensette. I realize now that I really should have warned you sooner.”

“Warned me about what? Wait, don’t tell me. Did Monica get an extreme fan club here after her idol debut and they don’t take kindly to people badmouthing her? That’s just creepy!! There has to be something wrong with you to worship her of all people!!”

“Not…quite what I meant.”

Allen pointed toward Quenser.

No, he was technically pointing behind Quenser.

“Monica happened to have plans on campus, so she ended up returning here the same time as you.”

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!?”

He tried to spin around real quick, but it was too late.

Before he could, two arms wrapped around his neck from behind his chair. Someone’s full body weight leaned on him, a sweet scent and some warmth surrounded him, and a girl’s voice whispered in his ear as if to a lover.

The twintail demon rubbed her cheek against him as she spoke.

“Queeeeeeeeeeeeeeenserrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?”

“Hgh!! Hgh, Monikaaaaa!! Why are you here and why do you already have me in a headlock!?”

“Sorry if it prickles a bit. I was in a planning meeting for the surprise campus concert, so this Cinderella dress isn’t complete yet. It still has safety pins here and there. Hee hee hee hee hee.”

He could not turn around.

She had his head held in place and his butt had risen from the chair a bit, but she only spoke to him ever so gently.

“I’m sure you’re exhausted after your long trip, but let’s go have a chat over there. It seems you need a refresher course on how a knight and servant should treat his master☆”

“No, I’ve never forgotten a word you’ve said, Lady Monica. You are looking as beautiful as ever and your nobility is clearly greater than a mere external golden ratio because I can sense the glow of the soul within you! You remind me of a pure white blossom shining in the moonlight at the peak of Mont Blanc!”

“I don’t want blatant lies! Mont Blanc is snowy year round, so there are no flowers growing at its peak!! Come here, servant!! You dare remove your collar and forget your vow of servitude? Some reeducation is clearly in order!!!!!”

“Pff, wait, you don’t mean that thing where you tap my shoulders with that stick, do-…wait, no, no! Wait, Lady Monica! Why are you bringing that pepper shaker to my eye!? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!!!???”

The look in Allen’s eyes was warm as he watched the sacrifice dragged away, chair and all.

(God, I’m jealous. What could be better than flirting with a former noble and current idol? Monica chose to be a battlefield idol reporter so she could chase after Quensette and Quensette keeps accidentally placing himself right in her strike zone. Why don’t they just get married already???)

But unfortunately, this was not the time to be flirting.

After all…

With a loud boom, the dining hall’s outer wall collapsed.

Yes, a handmade railgun shell had shot through the wall.

It was fortunate everyone was knocked to the ground by the shockwave because it prevented them from being skewered by the shower of wreckage that followed.

“Ugh, cough!!”

“Those goddamn teachers! Have they finally pulled out that experimental nuclear fusion pellet launcher!?”

Allen did not actually approach the window, ''which was nailed shut with boards'', to check. Approaching the torn-up wall now would get you filled with holes.

He kept his head low and checked his smartphone.

If he had actually sent out a drone, it would have been immediately located and shot down by an experimental laser emitter. He was viewing footage from the swiveling camera attached to the top of the bell tower.

The green lawn had been torn up in places and tractors and snowplows with metal plates attached for armor were driving around. The things that looked like monstrous volleyball launchers were handmade cannons created by the best of each department. The naphtha-filled flamethrower was on the kinder end of the spectrum. There was also a compressed gas cannon using liquid nitrogen and a short-range missile launcher that misused proof-of-concept models for standalone rockets.

There was not just one side making a unilateral attack. Makeshift barricades were set up all over and people were leaning out from behind them to fire on the others. The students and teachers were using weapons made from the knowledge of their respective technical schools.

Either the school was self-governed or the police had decided their standard equipment was not up to the task because there was no sign of the local authorities. That was hardly surprising when everyone had firepower capable of blowing right through your average armored truck. A police car or riot shield would be as useless as paper. The police had only set up shields outside the fence to make sure no stray bullets escaped the campus.

The weapon that had attacked the dining hall was an especially brutal model: an experimental railgun loaded on the back of an armored truck.

Quenser saw something from the floor after his chair flipped over backwards.

He saw Monica recklessly and unsteadily attempting to stand up in her pinned-together dress and he saw more of the dining hall’s outer wall being blown away.

The railgun had been fired again.

“It’s gonna hit- bwah!!!???”

Before he could give a warning, he was flipped over again.

And as the shell cut across the dining hall, it caught perfectly on just the skirt of Monica’s dress, blew it away, and broke through into the hallway.

A few scraps of cloth fluttered through the air like swan feathers.

Quenser thought blood was going to drip from his ears, but he poured all his strength into his voice.

“That was some impressive control!! But that’s a railgun, right!? Why didn’t it blow you to smithereens!?”

“My dress is only pinned together, so only the outer cloth came off.”

“…I really don’t think that’s enough to explain it.”

“Do not act like I should be dead, servant!”

“Well, I’m not gonna complain too much when I get to see some skin!!”

Super-mini dress Monica belatedly hid her thighs behind a hand and used the other hand to slap him, but with how long she had known him, she should have known he would see that as a reward.

Woken up by the slap, Quenser dragged the twintail idol to the floor so she would not be hit by the third railgun shot and he shouted to Allen.

“Can we get student reinforcements!?”

“They won’t arrive in time from where they are. If we don’t get out of here now, the teachers’ troops will be in here.”

Some dangerous words were being used here.

And it was not restricted to Quenser’s group.

The shouts heard outside the building were very different from the healthy ones of runners and sports practice.

“Wahh!? Someone from that fanatical Animal Committee has finally unlocked the cages! Are those crocodiles!? No, they’re gators!!”

“Ulljenne and the others are not weapons!! Animals are our neighbors and must be protected!! If you keep complaining, I’ll sue you for defamation!!”

“Liar!! You put them in special-made reinforced suits to increase the power of their jaws!! Hey, someone bring in the taser! Hook it up to the battery and amp for the light music club’s guerilla concert!!”

“Outta the way! Don’t get anywhere near any water!! Charge complete! Let’s do this!! Prepare for discharge!!!!!”

A loud zap, a blinding flash of light, and several screams followed.

The railgun was frightening, but a pack of gators sent a different type of fear crawling along one’s fingertips. The overall situation was best described as chaotic and the makeshift strategy meeting continued in the dining hall.

Allen held his head in his hands as he spoke.

“Unfortunately, we have to abandon the dining hall. I guess that means the teachers will take the fridges and ovens. We’re losing some important infrastructure here. We need to hurry out of here with as much food and water as we can carry!!”

“In that case, we should tear down some curtains and make some bags. The Island Nation has these convenient things called furoshiki! They can make all sorts of bags depending on how you tie them!!”

“Quensette, what will you do!?”

“You’re abandoning this place, right?” The student grinned. “Then leave all the kitchen work to the legendary maid Quensette. I’ll tamper with the gas range a bit. When those greedy teachers come marching in here, the whole room will blow up and turn all the leftover food to ashes. There won’t be a single crumb left for them to eat.”

Allen whistled.

“Scorched earth tactics, huh? That’s pretty cruel. And if you have it turned to ashes right before their eyes, they’ll probably explode with infighting. And here I thought neither of you two would be returning home at a time like this.”

“To be clear, I never would’ve come had I known!!” shouted Quenser. “The second I entered the campus, the gate slammed shut behind me and fighting erupted all around me! But since I’m here, I’m gonna make sure every last one of them regrets it!!!!!”

“I was right to drag you two into this. Anyway, let’s scram and begin fighting back against those teachers!!”

“Wait, how long do you plan to keep holding me, servant!?”

“Until you stop shaking!!”

Once the necessary work was complete, Quenser’s group grabbed an electric nail gun and a makeshift slingshot bow gun made from a bicycle tire tube before leaving the dining hall.

Yes.

They were in Paris, right smack in the center of the Legitimacy Kingdom’s home country.

The radiant Royal Techno Academy was split between the students and teachers, creating a truly unprecedented battlefield.