Editing HEAVY OBJECT:Volume11 Chapter 1 (section)

===Part 1===

It was July in the middle of the desert in the Central American Rio Grande District. Below a blazing sun that would have fit in right alongside cacti and cowboy hats, the Legitimacy Kingdom’s 37th Mobile Maintenance Battalion was faced with an unprecedented danger.

Namely…

“As the independent Black Uniform unit, we will now meld an unscheduled inspection! All members of the 37th must follow our instructions regardless of rank!!”

It was absolute chaos.

The Black Uniforms were an independent unit with special privileges. Their primary mission was to police the troops. In other words, they performed investigations, made reports, and supplied punishments to ensure the Legitimacy Kingdom units deployed around the world did not go on a rampage or secretly commit war crimes.

They were of course frightening. Incredibly frightening.

That was hardly surprising when they carried guns filled with bullets meant for their allies, not the enemy.

Quenser and Heivia’s maintenance base zone was a collection of over one hundred large vehicles, but shouts, screams, sobs, and lawyer-like arguments blended together in the barracks where the soldiers lived.

“Nooo!! I can’t sleep without Honey the Bear! It has a major effect on my combat readiness, so you should actually pay for it!!”

“Not a chance. Confiscated.”

“Wait, wait. This may look like the latest handheld gaming system, but the electronic simulation division is constantly researching terrorist equipment made by modifying civilian devices to develop countermeasures. If you check the special addition to Article 30 Line 2 of the regulations-…”

“Confiscated.”

“Ahhh, wait! I’ll give up on everything under the bed, but please don’t check above the ceiling!!”

“Why do these people have so many personal items!? And what is this!? Who filled this gun’s control chip with access keys to strip chats!? This is military property!!”

In the middle of it all, Battlefield Student Quenser Barbotage looked like a deadbeat husband trying to stop his wife from leaving after she handed him divorce papers. Atop the scorching desert sand, he clung to the waist of a young woman with glasses, short blonde hair, and giant breasts. The size of her breasts must have been a sign of how well-behaved she was!

His face was of course covered in tears and snot.

“C’moooooon! Don’t be like that. Surely you can let this much slide!! Right, miss!?”

“No, no, no! B-besides, why do you have so many massagers!? It’s indecent!!”

“Ehhh? They’re just health devices. If they look inappropriate to you, I think that’s a sign of your own dirty mind. Grin, grin. Does that mean you know of an indecent way of using these things? Smirk, smirk.”

“Confiscated.”

“Noooo!! Wait! Tits! Hear me out, miss! Tits! I have a legit reason to have these! Tits!!”

“Where do you think you’re shoving your face!? Do you want me to add lack of respect to your list of offenses!? Do you ''want'' to spend the night in a cell!?”

“Ehhh? Spend a night in a cell? With you?”

“Why would-… Why would I spend a night locked up with you!?”

“Heh. They do say the summer sun can lead people to dangerous love affairs. What’s wrong with spending some time together in a cramped space? Don’t worry. I’m down with being on the top or the bottom.”

“Major Capistrano! I would like to request a drug test!! His language is a complete mess and I cannot make heads or tails of what he’s trying to say. Are you sure he’s okay!?”

Busty and silver-haired Frolaytia Capistrano lightly scratched her head with a long, skinny kiseru in her mouth while she leaned against a metal container placed on the sand.

“That guy can see angels when completely sober, so there’s nothing you can do.”

“Major, you aren’t much better. Don’t try to distract me with that clean and upright atmosphere.”

Frolaytia’s love of the Island Nation was well-known within the battalion, so Quenser wondered if her collection would be confiscated too.

“This is an issue of authority, lieutenant. I’m willing to grant the Black Uniforms their independence, but you must also respect my right to secrecy as an officer who remotely commands multiple units and their Pilot Elites. Simply put, stay out of my room.”

“Noooo fairrrrrr! Why do you get the only safe space!? And if you knew this inspection was coming, why didn’t you hide our things in there too!?”

Quenser’s eyes opened wide, but then something unbelievable happened.

The Black Uniform woman recklessly snatched Frolatyia’s kiseru from her mouth.

“I will keep out of your room as asked, but nothing is stopping me outside of that space. I will be confiscating this, major.”

The busty commander replied quite charmingly with an indescribable smile.

“Do you want me to ***** your ***** all the way to the back of your *****, you *****?”

“Threats will get you nowhere. Confiscated☆”

Even if it was unscheduled, why was such a large scale inspection being carried out now? Quenser asked and his busty commander answered.

“A carefree noble from a safe country is apparently making a surprise visit, so we’re getting all cleaned up so they won’t see anything that might offend them.”

“Talk about a nuisance! And how is it a surprise visit if we know it’s coming!?”

“Who was it again? Oh, right. Some girl known as the Blue Rose of Winchell.”

“I’m going to kill Heivia!!”

Pissed, Quenser looked around with killer intent in his eyes (and while still clinging to the young woman). Word must have already gotten around because Private Heivia Winchell was being ganged up on by several other soldiers.

The noble boy tried to explain himself.

“I’m telling you, this has nothing to do with me! B-besides, the Blue Rose? With a flower in the name, it’s obviously a girl, but I don’t even know her name. She’s some sister several places or even a dozen or so places down the line from me! This is as much trouble for me as for you!!”

“This guy has more little sisters than he can count and he has the nerve to call it ‘trouble’!? This is worse than that legend from the Island Nation who had a dozen little sisters!!”

“Get him!”

“Death to the bourgeois who have grown fat in this age of plenty!!”

Blows could be heard landing and the short-haired blonde glasses woman managed to remove Quenser from her waist. She was blushing a little and she raised her index finger in front of her face in scolding gesture.

“Anyway! We will be taking away all items that are not mission essential. No excuses! Goodbye!!”

After straightening her back in a salute, the frustrated young lady left with her butt wiggling back and forth inside her tight skirt. Frolaytia spoke to Quenser who had collapsed to the scorching desert sand.

“Well?”

“Yes?”

“You got awfully close to that Black Uniform, but I assume you had a reason.”

She grinned and Quenser gave a wicked smile in return.

He tossed up the handheld device hidden in his palm.

“With some help from the electronic simulation division, I successfully stole the data using a contactless transmission. I’ve located the planned storage site of the confiscated items. If we can swap out the items before they write up their list, they’ll be happy with a pile of worthless junk.”

“Very good then. …That kiseru used the Island Nation’s Wajima lacquer. I’m not losing it to some little girl with no eye for value.”

With that irritated comment, she knocked on the door of the container behind her.

The contents avalanched out. It was packed full of cheap folk crafts of unknown use that had likely been bought at local souvenir shops.

“When I heard an inspection was coming, I wanted some insurance just in case. Now, time for Round 2, Quenser.”

“This is scary. That busty commander makes for one hell of an ally when she’s actually on your side.”