Editing HEAVY OBJECT:Volume17 Chapter 2 (section)

===Part 1===

Let’s all enjoy the end of the year together!

The final big event of the year begins now!! Are you ready for the Royal Cleaner!?



“Hmph.”

Now, this was a major problem.

Inside the maintenance hangar large enough to contain the entire 50m Object, the blonde Princess looked something like a small animal with too many acorns in its cheeks. It was honestly very cute, but she would probably hit you if you said that in front of her.

“It feels like no one even needs me anymore. Quenser and the others get to have all the fun.”

“We were thrown out into the Arctic without those armor panels or even the bare minimum of a bulletproof jacket!! It was awful! It was so awful I can barely stand it! It was just the worst!!”

Quenser Barbotage was half speaking his mind and half trying to earn himself some sympathy, but the more he said, the worse the Princess’s mood got. She was curled up in the corner and refusing to look him in the eye.

A short distance away, the old maintenance lady breathed an exasperated sigh while holding a huge hydraulic tool.

She could not believe that damn fool did not understand the basic fact that talking on and on about how “awful” everything was could be devastating to the kid who missed out on the field trip.

“I hear you met Santa, Quenser.”

“Hmm?”

“The kids on that ship said Santa saved them, so you must have seen him, right?”

The information had gotten twisted along the way, but correcting her would not be the kind thing to do here.

“Ha ha ha. Well, it wasn’t as exciting as you’d think.”

“What kind of person was he?”

“I’m on the naughty list, so I didn’t get a present.”

Also, the Baby Magnum was the foundation of the 37th and only the Princess could pilot it. Any damage to her mental health could harm their future operations, so the old lady casually joined the conversation.

“Here, Princess. If you’re so bored without anything to do, I have plenty of work I can give you. There’s a lot of salt in this area, so we need to clean your Object as often as possible.”

“Hmph.”

“It isn’t the quality of the work that helps make memories. Simply spending time together strengthens our bonds. And this can double as that Royal Cleaner event too.”

She was still reluctant, but the Princess lifted her butt from the ground. More than just looking reluctant, she actually kept her lips pouted like a small child as she grabbed the cleaning equipment with both hands. The equipment was larger than a mop. It was most likely a larger version of the polishers that used polishing discs on the exterior of a car.

Meanwhile, Quenser actually looked surprised and glanced over at the old lady.

“You actually keep up with that kind of stuff? And here I was wondering why everyone was talking about that Royal Cleaner thing all of a sudden.”

“Because I’d rather not become a geek who can’t even make small talk.”

“Agh!?”

That one hurt coming from a wrinkly old lady.

In reality, the old lady’s geek levels far surpassed Quenser’s, but that just meant she knew exactly what to say to hurt the kind of person who had gotten way too into one particular interest.

The battlefield student dripped with sweat and gestured wildly while trying to explain himself.

“I-I-I-I know what it is! I’m up on all the latest trends! That’s the new event they created to fill the empty spot between Christmas and New Year’s, right!? And it’s a time for cleaning!! Everyone gathers together and cleans up the town!! I was only pretending. Yes, only pretending not to know so I would blend in!!!!!!”

The safe countries would likely be full of young people dressed in swimsuits, maid uniforms, and other outfits that kept the filth off of their normal clothes during this midwinter cleaning. While the event was meant to be about cleaning, it was mostly enjoyed for the sense of unity and to have a big party while dressed up in costumes. But since they were cleaning up as volunteers, the adults could not get mad at them like with the wild partying that happened at Halloween.

In fact.

Based on the cheers and excited cries coming from outside the hangar, the festival had reached the maintenance base zone as well. The maintenance team was simply too strict for that.

“(Well, life in the Island Nation was enough to see plenty of this before. Businessmen are always inventing and altering traditions to create whatever kind of event they need to make some money, so this hardly new. Just like with Halloween, Christmas, and Valentine’s, the people just want to party and don’t give a damn where the holiday came from or how it was originally celebrated.)”

The old lady sighed and tossed Quenser a metal water sprayer nozzle that was leaning against the wall nearby. It had a thick tube attached and it was far more than just a firefighting hose. That thing looked more like a small beam weapon.

“You can take care of the main cannon joints. Sand and salt are the enemy, so spray it all off. Use the ALS to detect any left behind.”

“Sure, sure. What wavelength?”

“385 nanometers. It’s nothing but normal salt, so stick to the basics.”

The Baby Magnum itself was a huge sphere, which meant little space to stand on, so it was surrounded by steel beams and scaffolding like a jungle gym. It also had stairs and simple lifts, so it looked a lot like a small piece of modern architecture.

Quenser circled behind the Object, attached his lifeline to the metal railing, and then squeezed the trigger on the metal nozzle he held at his hip. He meant to start out with a weak blast, but the water pressure was so powerful he was nearly launched backwards.

“Bwah, ah!?”

The old lady looked as exasperated as ever from the floor below him.

“No one’s interested in seeing a guy like you all wet. Get to work.”

“Do none of you maintenance workers have a healthy fear of heights!?”

What he had to do was simple: blast the Object’s joints with the powerful water gun to remove the caked-on salt. However, the stubborn salt could not all be seen with the naked eye, so he had to wear special goggles and shine a purple light on it to see where the “stains” were.

“Okay,” said the Princess from directly above him.

Her cleaning device was something like a monstrous electric toothbrush larger than a mop. It was primarily used on the sensors, so it was most efficient to let the Pilot Elite herself do that job. That meant Quenser had to work separately from her this-

“Bfhh!? Um, uh! Princess, what are you doing!?”

“You have to ask? This is the Royal Cleaner.”

Something had changed.

[[Image:HO_v17_BW4.png|thumb]]

The short-haired Princess had been rummaging around inside the crane’s box seat, but when she emerged, she was wearing a classic maid uniform instead of her skintight special suit.

It was true people tended to wear things like that during the event, but…

“Wouldn’t your uniform have been good enough!? If you were only worried about getting dirty!?”

“You don’t like it?”

He was on a lower level and she was on a higher level, so the result should have been obvious. The classic type had a long skirt, but their positioning meant he could see right up it. However, she did not seem to have noticed that fact. But he could not let himself rejoice. What exactly he could see will have to remain unsaid!! Because if he rejoiced here, she would catch on!!

The old maintenance lady was working on the level below Quenser, so she would see the same thing if she happened to look up.

(How can I keep myself in this paradise for even one second longer!?)

“Hiyahh!!”

With a cry like the star of a Capitalist Corporations action movie, he somewhat bent the jointed light attached to the railing nearby. Using bright lights to cover up indecent things was a trick invented for Island Nation TV broadcasts. Who better to take inspiration from here than the geniuses who had first introduced Objects to the world?

“Hm? What is it, Quenser???”

“Nothing!! Just working to get out a stubborn bit of salt!! Out, damned spot, out!!”

He poured all his efforts into washing away her suspicion.

Meanwhile, the old lady did not seem to notice that her vision was unnaturally obscured.

“It’s all about probability and statistics. In other words, they’re after an economic effect. I bet the Royal Cleaner had its beginnings in the Capitalist Corporations and spread to the other world powers as word of it leaked out. The marketers were fine with any event they could use to get people fired up between the 26th and the 31st.”

“Ehh? What’s wrong with that if we can all have some fun together? Grin, grin.”

(Th-this is working. I’ve finally set things up perfectly!! Now no one can intrude upon my paradise!! Oh, light blue, huh? I see, I see. Such a lovely and refreshing color reminiscent of mint ice cream. Grin, grin, grin!!)

“Nh.”

The panties overhead made a weird noise.

She was still holding the monstrous polisher in both hands and carefully polishing up the area around the delicate sensors. That meant she had nothing left to hold down her skirt…or she shouldn’t have, but that “umbrella” was unnaturally bent inwards.

She was working at close enough range that she had bent her arms in to hold the polisher up against her body as she worked.

She was holding the monstrous cleaning device like a body pillow while its powerful motor caused it to vibrate.

“Nhhh?”

(W-wait, is something awakening inside her? Princess, are you experiencing an awakening from that vibration traveling through your body, just like with a bicycle seat or the corner of an old washing machine!? Yes, this is fantastic news. This is a most wonderful thing, Princesssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!)

“Ah.”

Quenser’s thoughts were cut off by a silly sound of surprise from the girl.

Because he was staring so intently overhead, he saw something slip from the Princess’s hands thanks to all the slippery cleaning fluid.

And a moment later, that mass of metal and a motor fell from the level above and hit the idiot square in the face.