Editing Talk:Chrome Shelled Regios:Volume1 Chapter1 (section)

== Response to "Very Major edit....." ==

hi there. I don't think it's a "very major edit", since you didn't change any important things like characters' names etc. :) I really like your version. It's much smoother. Chapter 1 is less "english-friendly" you would say than other chapters, as it was my first time doing novel translation. I've endeavoured to link more sentences into paragraphs as I translated more and fumbled on with the craft of translation... though keeping the individual lines at times for emphasis. 

Anyway, if no one else objects and if you've the time on hand to do this, then please go ahead. 

Just a couple of points:

'''"Dressed casually, the General Studies students walked as they chatted with friends.  While reluctant smiles surfaced on Agricultural and Mechanical Engineering students who weren't used to the uniforms that they hadn't worn in a long time, and the Alchemy and Medical students wore dirty white coats over top of their uniforms.  While the Military Arts students, who differed from the others, stepped towards the hall with their heads lifted high."'''

Grammatically and semantically, the above two phrases starting with "while" don't quite make sense. Might want to rephrase it.

'''"Lets see, Layfon Alseif, D-Rank scholarship, part-time work and classes."'''

"Let's see".

'''"No one is suitable. Everyone was affected by the atmosphere too much. You can't tell what'd happen in a battle. I want someone who can calmly observe without getting caught up in the confusion."  Nina had been watching the entire commotion today. Every new Military Arts student was affected by the two who started the whole thing. Violent expressions on their faces said they wanted to join in and make the mess even bigger.  To get caught up by the enemies like that was the same as digging their own graves.'''

I see we've different views on this point here. 

'''"You can't tell what'd happen in a battle," Nina said''' ''(comma)''.

Because the dialogue doesn't end with a comma, my understanding is that the explanation that follows the dialogue should start with a new paragraph (not really a "rule" to follow since language is versatile, but) -  To me personally, that makes the dialogue stands out more and the division between dialogue and description/explanation whatever is clear and neat. I don't think putting that distinction in disrupts the flow since English does it too. I tend to put the description right after the dialogue if it isn't chunky.

- blewin