Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Chapter5 (section)

== Part 2 ==

There's some expressions in this chapter which I could use a little help on suggestions. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 15:25, 2 August 2013 (CDT)

*「ああ、'''あいわかり申した'''」 'Ahh, I understand'
:It's actually much more polite, like 'duly understood'. But the latter feels a bit strange in this context, because Fedom is higher in rank than the one he speaks to. Leaving it like this could also just be fine. It's just that Fedom speaks rather politely when talking with certain people, and rather impolitely when talking to others - especially Orba.
:*"Ahh, your words have been received," is the only other possible phrase I can think of. It is a litte indirect, but can be considered more polite. My guess for his being polite, is because Oubary carries a message from the emperor, and to be rude to a messenger is to insult the person who sent it. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] 

:*About the "Ahh, I understand" bit, I believe it is natural that Fedom is polite because Oubary is also in the same room within earshot. It would arouse suspicion if Fedom were impolite because at that time Orba was still pretending to be the prince. Please correct me if I'm wrong because I don't know a word of Japanese. ~[[user:shirofune|shirofune]]

::* Looked it up some more, but Fedom is not being overly polite after all, he's just being formal - which isn't strange considering the circumstances. あいわかり (相分かる) is just a more formal way of saying I understand but with the explicit meaning that you comprehend something. 申した is a formal way of saying "I do". So he says something like 'I do understand', and he's saying it this way to indicate that he understands they can't go to the banquet because the Emperor's letter is of more importance here. I like "your words have been received" but I think it strays too far from the original meaning, so I simply made a minor change to "Ah yes, I understand." The subtle formality will be a bit lost in the translation, but that's probably how people would react in English as well. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]]

 
*「'''頼む'''」 'Leave it to me'
:It's a rather free translation. It could mean 'leave it to me', 'count on me', 'rely on me' or anything in this regard. I'm assuming it's Oubary saying this, but it could also be Orba I suppose (then it would be 'I'll rely on you'). However, in that case I suspect it would have been よろしく instead, and it wouldn't have been on a separate line.
:*I think Orba is one who says it. The reason for the different line is probably because of a pause between "Yeah..." and "I'll leave it to you." Also, Orba speaks this way because he knows he has to act the role of the prince just as Fedom wants to, in the presence of others. If it were Oubary speaking, 任せる would have been much more appropriate. I can't actually imagine a person of lower rank saying 頼む to one of higher rank. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]]
::* Yeah, Orba saying this fits better. And 頼む sort of comes off as a way of saying 'thanks' which would be strange in Orba's regard. Changed it. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]]

*'''勝ち残り''' 'taking the leftover fights'
:Also see the reference note. It’s a term for someone who wins by laying low and then take the finishing blow when necessary, like a kill-stealer. Suggestions for a nice English idiom or expression are welcome.
:*I actually like it the way it is. The only idioms I can think of remotely close to this are "taking the easy way out" and "reaping other's rewards".  --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]]
::* I'll keep it like this then, and leave the reference note for those interested. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]]

*'''へそを曲げられて'''も、のちのち厄介だ 'It’ll be troublesome in the future, if I get him angry.'
:Literally 'to bend someone’s bellybutton', which means ‘to make someone angry/irritated’. Does anyone have a nice English idiom for this? Because just leaving it like this doesn't really give much credit to the original in my opinion. I considered 'ruffle one's feathers' but that seems a little too mild in this case.
:*You could consider "get on his bad side" or "get under his skin." --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] 
::* "get under his skin" was what I was looking for, thanks!  --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]]

'''Oubary was having cold sweat under his clothes''' 服の下にじっとりと冷たい汗を搔いていた
It says this literally (Oubary had damp cold sweat running under his clothes), but 'under his clothes' sounds a bit strange in my opinion. [[User:Dohma|Dohma]]
*Yea, it definitely sounds weird worded like that. I would go with something like "He secretly broke off into a cold sweat."  --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz|talk]]) 20:54, 13 August 2013 (CDT)
:* Then I'll go with that. But, just to make sure, isn't it "break out in a cold sweat"? --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 07:43, 14 August 2013 (CDT)
::*Yep, that's the original phrase. I like to use "broke off" for past tense, since it usually implies it was triggered by some event. "He was secretly breaking out into a ocld sweat" or the one above, because the idiom can also be used to describe perspiration while ill or with related sleep troubles. So I like to make that minor indication by changing 'out' to 'off'. Either one works. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz|talk]]) 12:12, 14 August 2013 (CDT)
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Hello, reader here/wandering editor. In this sentence: “It might be an idea to send an envoy during the march, in the crown prince’s name.” I think the context implies that an adverb is used before '''idea'''. I am not sure which exact adverb it is but it should be ''better'' or ''safe''. So it will look like “It might be a '''better''' idea to send an envoy during the march, in the crown prince’s name.” or “It might be a '''safer''' idea to send an envoy during the march, in the crown prince’s name.” I just noticed this and is totally up to you guys to change it or leave it. Thanks for translating this interesting Light Novel.[[User:Stratos|Stratos]] ([[User talk:Stratos|talk]]) 07:42, 18 August 2013 (CDT)

* The raw literally says 'sending an envoy in the crown prince's name may (also) be one of our hands' (皇太子の御名で使者を送るのも手のひとつでしょう), but it is sort of said as a suggestion and there's no English equivalent for this usage of 'hand', which is why I translated it as 'it might be an idea'. But looking back on it now, "One option might be... etc." probably fits the situation better. Thanks for the comment. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 05:26, 19 August 2013 (CDT)