Editing Talk:Clannad:SEEN0414 (section)

== Alternative translation ==
I wish to post my translation to be used as additional materials to edit with, but it's in the wrong format (and thus cannot be used as a preview), and I do not know where to post it.[[User:Jc100|Jc100]] 04:38, 6 February 2007 (PST)

I suggest using this page and use the clannadbox div tags:
<pre>&lt;div class="clannadbox"&gt;
&lt;pre&gt;
insert text here
&lt;/pre&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;</pre>

-- [[User:Velocity7|velocity7]], 7:56 AM EST February 6, 2006

Actually, I meant that my translation was not in the SEEN format, I extracted it out for ease. I'll post mine for comparison though.[[User:Jc100|Jc100]] 19:15, 9 February 2007 (PST)

Since V7 didn't give me any specific instructions, I would be taking some liberal liberties with the editing of the text here, especially with tenses.

Forgive me if I make some errors here and there as I can't read Japanese, and am fairly new to this editing business. Please bring to light anything that is really supposed "to be like that".

p.s@velocity7: Bicube sends you a punch.

--[[User:Umiman|umiman]] 18:36, 12 February 2007 (PST)

Can someone look over lines 0088 - 0092.

It doesn't really seem to make sense how his father was depressed before the accident, and depressed again after the accident.

Also, there are issues with lines 0114 - 0115.

--[[User:Umiman|umiman]] 19:06, 13 February 2007 (PST)

This was the original translation I made, does this sounds better? 
******
Line 0114: They are totally different from me who has no dream at all.
Line 0115: I couldn't care less though, and also in this place... lives Sunohara.

******
About 0088 - 0092: Tomoya's father was depressed when he lost his wife, and made him waste his time by drinking alcohol and gambling. But one day, Tomoya and his father had a fight that end up injuring Tomoya, after that, his father locked up his feelings (maybe pretend to lock his feelings) towards Tomoya and started calling his name with a -kun attached to it.--[[User:DGreater1|DGreater1]] 19:37, 16 February 2007 (Phillipine time)

:@Uniman. See if the way my translation phrases it better. Feel free to 'assimilate' some of my lines to the main text file, or use your own if you have a new perspective on hhow to phrase them. But make sure to change the ellipse characters into sets of three periods, and the open and close quotation marks into just plain quotation marks as per the guidelines.

:--[[User:Jc100|Jc100]] 23:13, 18 February 2007 (PST)

******
Sorry for the long delay in reading this. Sick for quite awhile and had a lot of projects to do:

Line 0114: Reworked the sentence to fit.

Line 0115: I suggest using JC100's translation for this. I also suggest using Jc's translation for lines 0088 to 0092 as well.

From what I can see, DGreater1 and JC100 have quite contrasting translation styles. DGreater seems to focus more on faithfulness to the original text while JC100 is more keen on making it sound nice in English.

I might be wrong though, but I'll suggest the times when it might be better to switch between the two.

p.s: This is mostly a rough go-through. It's hard reading two translations at once, so please bear with me :).

--[[User:Umiman|umiman]] 22:29, 4 March 2007 (PST)
=== SEEN0414 and SEEN0415 Line Consistency ===
<pre>
****************************************
SEEN0414 Original
****************************************
<0047> Probably wondering what her boyfriend (or girlfriend) would say.
// その彼（あるいは彼女）は、どう答えたのだろうか。
<0048> \{Girl} "I really, really do."
// \{女の子} 「わたしはとってもとっても好きです」
<0049> \{Girl} "But, nothing... can remain the same."
// \{女の子} 「でも、なにもかも…変わらずにはいられないです」
<0050> \{Girl} "Even fun things and happy things."
// \{女の子} 「楽しいこととか、うれしいこととか、ぜんぶ」
<0051> \{Girl} "Nothing stays that way forever."
// \{女の子} 「ぜんぶ、変わらずにはいられないです」
<0052> With great difficulty, she continues to speak.
****************************************
SEEN0415 Original
****************************************
<0456> I heard this line before. But this time,she's looking at me.
// 聞いたことのあるセリフ。今度は俺に向けられていた。
<0457> \{\m{B}} "Well, not really."
// \{\m{B}} 「いや、取り立てては」
<0458> \{Girl} "Is that so..."
// \{女の子} 「そうですか…」
<0459> \{Girl} "I really really like this school." // same with line 0048 from SEEN0414
// \{女の子} 「わたしはとってもとっても好きです」
<0460> \{Girl} "But, there might be nothing here that will never change." // same with line 0049 from SEEN0414
// \{女の子} 「でも、なにもかも…変わらずにはいられないです」
<0461> \{Girl} "Enjoyable things and happy things, all of them." // same with line 0050 from SEEN0414
// \{女の子} 「楽しいこととか、うれしいこととか、ぜんぶ」
<0462> \{Girl} "All of them will change."
// \{女の子} 「ぜんぶ、変わらずにはいられないです…」// same with line 0051 from SEEN0414
<0463> It's the same lines I heard yesterday morning
// すべて、昨日の朝、聞いたセリフだ。
<0464> \{\m{B}} "And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?"
// \{\m{B}} 「それで、この場所が好きでいられなくなったのか」
<0465> I said the last word.
****************************************
SEEN0415 With the lines from SEEN0414
****************************************
<0456> I heard this line before. But this time, she's looking at me.
// 聞いたことのあるセリフ。今度は俺に向けられていた。
<0457> \{\m{B}} "Well, not really."
// \{\m{B}} 「いや、取り立てては」
<0458> \{Girl} "Is that so..."
// \{女の子} 「そうですか…」
<0459> \{Girl} "I really, really do."
// \{女の子} 「わたしはとってもとっても好きです」
<0460> \{Girl} "But, nothing... can remain the same."
// \{女の子} 「でも、なにもかも…変わらずにはいられないです」
<0461> \{Girl} "Even fun things and happy things."
// \{女の子} 「楽しいこととか、うれしいこととか、ぜんぶ」
<0462> \{Girl} "Nothing stays that way forever."
// \{女の子} 「ぜんぶ、変わらずにはいられないです」
<0463> It's the same lines I heard yesterday morning
// すべて、昨日の朝、聞いたセリフだ。
<0464> \{\m{B}} "And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?"
// \{\m{B}} 「それで、この場所が好きでいられなくなったのか」
<0465> I said the last word.
// 最後の言葉は俺が言っていた。
</pre>

What I mean is, is line 459-463 enough to make Tomoya think about ''"And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?"?''
Line 49-52 in SEEN0414 seems to be missing some context which makes Tomoya's line '''"And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?"''' quite confusing if you put it in SEEN0415 Line 459-463.

I'll try to put type it in like a book novel to make more sense...

<br>'''First Group'''<br>
She said, "I really, really do... But nothing... can remain the same."<br>
"Even fun things and happy things... Nothing stays that way forever."<br>
............
"And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?" Tomoya said the last line he thought she was thinking... <br>
"That's right." she replied.
<br>
<br>'''Second Group'''<br>
She said, "I really really like this school... But, there might be nothing here that will never change."<br>
"Enjoyable things and happy things, all of them... All of them will change."<br>
............
"And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?" Tomoya said the last line he thought she was thinking... <br>
"That's right." she replied.<br>

You see the difference with the lines? The first group of sentence is emphasizing that nothing stays the same forever, while the second group is emphasizing that there might be nothing there that will ever change. The lost of context makes the first group sound like Tomoya just blurted out the sentence '''"And then, you'll end up not liking this place anymore?"''' without reason. ''Nothing stays that way forever'' and Tomoya's line doesn't seem to connect properly too. Compared to ''"All of them will change, and then you'll end up not liking this place anymore."''

--DGreater1

Oh. I see. Yes, you are right. First Group needs the "everything '''in this school'''" meaning to make sense. On the other hand, Second Group has it, so Second Group makes sense.

Nagisa's monologues implicitly include a little the meaning "everything '''in the school'''" in the Japanese text. Of cource, the monologues are the first one, which is talking to someone in her mind(SEEN0414), and the second one, which is talking to Tomoya(SEEN0415).

--[[User:Akiha|Akiha]] 12:29, 22 April 2007 (PDT)