Editing Toaru Majutsu no Index:Crossover4 (section)

===Part 3===

…She had a bad feeling from the beginning.

This would probably take several devastating turns. Shinobu had most likely gotten the idea based on something he saw on TV or on an online video, but he had ended up violating some rules because he was simply emulating what he had seen without understanding.

Heivia trembled and spoke up.

“7 vs. 8. 7 vs. 8!? I came all the way to another world because I heard there was a group blind date going on, so why are there more guys than girls!? That means the guys can’t work together on this one. Our only option is a bloody fight to not be left out!!”

“Yes, yes. Heivia, you have a fiancée, so we can just count you out, right?”

“Look up from your mobile device when you say that, Quenser! Who are you emailing, anyway!? And don’t try to knock me out of the running right off the bat!! Aren’t we companions from the same world!?”

That was the first problem.

He had not followed the most basic of rules, but the problem ran deeper than that.

The answer came from the coaxing voice of the bunny girl.

“Higashikawa-saaan?”

“How many times are you going to come back to life?”

“Since we were summoned into another world as a pair, our souls must be linked on a level beyond our physical bodies. Eh heh heh.”

“Why!? Why did I show up to a group blind date just to find the worst person I know sitting across from me!? And Attraction Land might have been full of colorful death games, but it had plenty of cute girls too! Couldn’t I win over at least one of the people I worked with to get out of there alive!? Don’t I get any reward at all!?”

That was the second problem.

Some of the guys and girls knew each other, which was a recipe for chaos. And using her power to manipulate destiny, the Zashiki Warashi could sense that fate had already linked some of them as lovers or husband and wife.

“Hey, is it just me or is this turning into a death game version of a group blind date where getting along with anyone will drive a decisive wedge between you and someone else here?” said Quenser hesitantly. “Shuffling things up will only lead to bloodshed, so staying with the standard course seems like the only option.”

“…”

“And Frolaytia, I see you glaring at me from across the table there! I don’t know if our future is opening up or closing down here, but if I get carried away and go for a grope, you can shoot me!! I-I’ll allow anything up to a 9mm to the side. Hey, someone heat this knife up on the burner to disinfect it!”

Just think about it.

If you had nothing to do on a Sunday and some awful friend dragged you to a family restaurant at the last second just to fill out the numbers, what would happen if you looked across the table to find your own girlfriend who claimed to have been too busy at work to go on a date?

It would mean hell.

It might seem like a peaceful space with no swords or magic, but the gate to hell was approaching fast.

“Waltraute, what does all this mean?”

“Sigh. I cannot unsparingly blame the other side this time, but worry not. …As your guardian deity, I will cut down all who approach you.”

Yes.

It was looking like swords could get involved depending on how this played out. The Zashiki Warashi made a mental note of that. It was time for a minefield where the slightest mistake would mean the end of your life!!

However.

“Hee hee. Hee hee hee. Brooother?”

“I thought something seemed off about this, but now we’re back to normal: she’s locked onto me and the world is doomed. Heh heh heh. Ahhh ha ha ha ha goddammit!!”

The White Queen was the finishing blow.

Logic had nothing to do with it anymore. With her here, there was no way they could avoid some kind of psychedelic world. Their only chance was for sinful Shiroyama Kyousuke to restrain that ultimate joker as much as possible. If that breakwater failed, it would mean the beginning of Armageddon. In all seriousness, the timeline of a parallel world could be destroyed.

But Shinobu (Age 6) was swinging his arms around on the boys’ side. He seemed to want to climb the stairs to adulthood as soon as possible, so he announced the beginning of the party.

“Okay, let’s start the group blind date!”

“Ugh. Do we really have to start this game of human old maid with no way of knowing who’s a landmine to avoid!?”

Spiky-haired Kamijou Touma trembled in fear. He was still confused why they were having a group blind date, but he would make a small kid cry if he bluntly refused to participate. And since the White Queen had designated a clear target and was ready to go, forcing this in a different direction would not end well.

(It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t.)

Kamijou prepared himself for the worst, but much to his surprise, nothing at all happened.

With everyone’s focus on him, Shinobu tilted his head.

“What’s wrong? Hurry up and start.”

(This is our chance!!)

Everyone had the same thought. Shinobu wanted to have a group blind date, but he did not really know what one was. He would believe whatever they told him.

If they gave him a reason to think they were done here, they might be able to leave before any blood was spilled.

“You see, Boo Boo, the king game is where everyone draws chopsticks like these…”

“Squeal. I’m not sure what you mean by chopsticks. Why do you chop them? Are these wooden sticks some kind of fortunetelling tools?”

“That girl in red armor is doing her damnedest to get us all thrown into the abyss. Someone stop her!!”

When Beatrice made a suggestion with a smile, Higashikawa, someone who had experienced true death games, bristled and yelled a warning, but he was surprised to find that not everyone agreed with him. The clash between order and chaos had already begun.

Waltraute, woman of love and justice, spoke up with a troubled look.

“M-mhh. We can just leave now. We have no obligation to go along with this.”

“Ehhh? That’s no fun, Waltraute. Let’s have some fun.”

But the boy, who had carelessly fallen to the side of money and desire, began pestering her.

It was obvious this would never end well. Before even getting to the group blind date, the “for” group and the “against” group were going to start physically grappling. The problem was how many of them were from battle stories and were thus meatheads who truly believed they could communicate with someone’s soul by getting into a fight.

But those from a clever intellectual story were not going to stand for that. The Zashiki Warashi worked to convince the 6-year-old boy who was acting as the host.

“Shinobu. Hey, Shinobu.”

“What is it, Nee-chan? Are you going to hold chocolate candy in your mouth?”

“Six is way too young to learn about that game! What have you been teaching him, you dangerous bunny!! …Ahem. What I was trying to say is that you should probably call off this group blind date.”

“Why!? Quiet, please quiet down. A group blind date is the latest way to have fun, so it’s sure to make everyone smile. That’s what grampa said while he was staring up at the moon from the porch! If you have a problem with that, then out with it!”

“Well, let’s say this group blind date keeps going and the people here start to make friends with each other. Then the two of us might end up with other people. Are you sure you want me going with someone else?”

“Hmm?” Young Shinobu tilted his head like he did not really get it. And then, “Wouldn’t that just make our group bigger so we could all be friends? That sounds great! Yes, I was thinking you should get out more, Nee-chan.”

The Zashiki Warashi fell silent with an incredibly displeased look on her face.

“……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………”

The one who began panicking was Higashikawa Mamoru who had overcome some cruel death games and psychological battles. If he was not sensitive to this kind of thing, he never would have survived that hellish Attraction Land.

“Wait, let’s calm down. Okay, nonhuman-chan? Don’t pout your lips like that. He’s 6. He’s talking about being friends in the 6-year-old sense!!”

“The thing about Shinobu is, he’s reached the age where he suddenly says he’s going to marry the Nakrut lady who makes a delivery every morning. That means he knows what love is. And yet he can still make that judgment so easily. I see, I see. So he doesn’t care at all if I get with someone else and leave the house. Oh, I see.”

“Don’t tearfully put on headphones and start listening to rock to shut everything out!! You need to take another look at this first!! You’re acting more childish than the 6-year-old, so why is this silliness creating some ominous aura of impending doom around you!? It’s like your long hair is stirring or something! D-don’t tell me you knew this would happen when you egged on that little host, you black-hearted bunny!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. But I’m supposed to be unbeatable in any kind of gamble and even I’m feeling my fate being tugged at. What is this attraction? A goddess of fortune or something?”

Shinobu did not seem to have noticed the danger at all. He only tilted his head as the Zashiki Warashi puffed out her cheeks in the most dangerous sulking fit of the age.

“Nee-chan?”

“Leave me alone.”

“What’s wrong, Nee-chan?”

“I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Making no progress, Shinobu decided on a different tactic. He climbed up onto the low table and then made a landing right in the Zashiki Warashi’s lap. If he grappled and rolled around with her for about 5 minutes, she would be back in a good mood.

Meanwhile, the grinning bunny girl lined up drinks on the table: orange juice, soda, oolong tea, and some white drink made with lactic acid fermentation. She had clearly taken them from the Jinnai house’s fridge without asking, but that had placed her in the perfect position to serve the others.

“Okay, okay. Does everyone have a drink now? Tch. The only snacks are chips and chocolates. If there was a bowl of salad, I could have shown off how pretty and cute I am by demonstrating how well I can distribute it onto individual plates. Well, I guess I can show off my skill by opening the bag of chips in a special way…”

“The fact that you’re working actively toward something is scaring me, but who are you trying to show off to?”

“Eh heh. Jealous? …While it isn’t on the level of that Shinobu boy, there are a lot of people with some significant karma here. If I poke around a bit, I bet I can make something interesting happen. Something that surpasses the Absurd☆”

“Oh, yeah. You were an anti-Absurd scholar or something like that, weren’t you? But stop it. I have a feeling some of the people here are seriously dangerous. Like that white girl, that queen, or that murderous twintails. The atmosphere here tells me that messing with her would be a critical mistake, so seriously don’t do this. I said seriously twice, okay!?”

“Oh, is it time to shove you into the boiling bath already?”

“Ahh, why did I say that!?”

Higashikawa seriously held his head in his hands, but it was too late now. The bunny girl was already licking her lips and observing that white sun and Shiroyama Kyousuke who was most closely related to her.

But those two had already set up an inviolable space for themselves even though the group had not done a toast yet.

“Hee hee hee. Here, brother. Cheers☆ Let’s forget about fighting to the death and just enjoy ourselves. The white fermented milk drink is the only acceptable answer, isn’t it?”

“If it just needs to use lactic acid fermentation, does it really need to be white? …And it’s the same either way to you, isn’t it? Are you trying to get me to discuss the destruction of the world?”

All the pure love and killer intent forming a vortex around them created a heavy atmosphere indeed, so even Quenser and Heivia were discouraged from breathing heavily and shouting “Wahah! Twintail titties!”

Also, they had another pair of titties they wanted to try for first.

Those legendary Frolaytia Peaks had sent countless challengers to their doom with their avalanches and blizzards.

“…”

“(Hey, what are we supposed to do? She’s not saying anything. She was more or less forced into this situation and she can’t smoke with a few kids in here, so I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so irritated!!)”

“(That’s why I’m going to rely on technology here.)”

“(Hm? What’s that supposed to mean?)”

Heivia heard a quiet sound as Quenser placed something below the low table and on the tatami mat between the two of them.

“(Doesn’t a military tranquilizer gun seem to shine so bright at times like this?)”

“Wait, you son of a-…!?”

Heivia started to make a scene, but the power of compressed gas propelled a silent projectile into his thigh and he instantly fell asleep.

“Hm? What’s the matter, Quenser?”

“Huh, I guess his drink must have had alcohol in it. Come to think of it, they said this was a brewery, didn’t they? Ah ha ha ha.”

The smiling wolf pretended to smell the contents of the glass to hide the truth.

He was not going to waste Heivia’s “death” after coming this far.

He was going to grope someone. He had no other choice, really. When he took a closer look, he realized that the girls gathered here made for quite a mountain range if you excluded the white nun called Index. So he did not even need to try to break through Frolaytia’s impregnable defenses. That was the only thing on his mind. The odds were good he was going to die here, but he was not going to go down without a grope!!

And he had thrown another seed of chaos onto the board.

You can do anything if you have a tranquilizer gun!