Editing Talk:Zero no Tsukaima:Volume1 Story1 Chapter1 (section)

=== Page 14 ===

"Mr. Colbert!"
'''The girl who has been called Louise shouted(1)'''. The wall of people divided, '''and there appeared a middle aged man.(2)'''

'''Saito thought it was funny. Because this man looked ridiculous.(3)'''
He '''had a big wooden cane(4)''' and was wearing a '''black robe that covered him.(5)'''
What kind of look is that? He seemed like a wizard, is he sane?

I got it, this place must be a place for cosplay.
'''But this atmosphere doesn't seem right for it.(6)'''

All of a sudden Saito was gripped with fear. What am I going to do if this was an religious 

group? It is possible.
They must have put me to sleep some how and brought me here while I was taking a walk in 

town.
That mirror must have been a trap. If not I have no explanation for this.

Stay quiet, '''until he knows what was going on(6)''', Saito thought to himself.

'''That girl Louise keeps on talking, saying "Let me try it again", or "please", and shaking''' 

'''her arms wildly.(7)'''

I felt sorry for her to be in this weird religious group, especially since she is so cute.

"What is it, Miss. Valiale?"

"Please! let me try the summoning one more time!"



I'll use this symbol '''->''' to indicate that I have or want to substitute something.

(1) -> "The girl called Louise shouted" (removed "has been")


(2) -> "and there, appeared a middle-aged man." (added a comma and a hypen)


(3) -> "Saito thought it was funny because this man looked ridiculous." (joined the two sentences)


(4) -> "sported a big wooden cane" (used the word "sported" to emphasise that the man looks ridiculous)


(5) Does the black robe cover him '''entirely''' or? Robes are either worn or donned. I don't think they "cover" people. Other ways to suggest how the man is wearing the robe would be: "the black robe was draped over him" or "the black robe hung from his shoulders".


(6) -> "But this doesn't seem to be the right atmosphere for it." (Mild grammatical change)


(7) -> "until he knows what is going on" (I don't believe people think to themselves in past tense...)


(8) -> "That girl Louise kept on saying "Let me try it again", or "please", whilst shaking her arms wildly." (IMHO, Louise was being described in the past tense, not the present tense.)

--[[User:Da~Mike|Da~Mike]] 18:50, 20 August 2006 (GMT)