Editing CubexCursedxCurious:Volume16 Chapter3 (section)

===Part 8===

His own room. After laying out the futon taken from the closet, he placed Fear on the very center. Then putting the prepared blanket at his feet, he lay down on the same futon&mdash;In other words, next to Fear.

"Y-You, why are you doing this...?"

"Because I want to. I want to sleep with you. That's all."

It was no lie. He really wanted to try this.

He wanted to do this with Fear, who had been keeping her distance from him, building high walls using her cube form, making it difficult for them to convey their thoughts to each other.

He wanted to go further than before, to bring them so close together that there would be no gaps, to touch each other once again. That was all.

Lying down beside the cube, Haruaki reached out lightly with his right hand. Fear's body shook&mdash;He ignored it and patted her corner gently. Which part of her body did this correspond to? The head would be fine but if happened to be some place like her butt... Hmm, that would have to wait until she reported it herself.

"Speaking of which, you sneaked into my bed before..."

Recalling what happened back when she first arrived here, Haruaki whispered quietly.

Haruaki did not know if Fear was reacting to his words or his hand rubbing her corner, but she shuddered while saying:

"D-Damn... shameless brat..."

Scolding him as usual. As usual? Exactly what he wanted. That was why he did it. Currently, he was taking any damage at all.

"Yes, that's right. I might be a shameless brat after all. I didn't dislike it much back then."

"Wha&mdash;"

"I don't dislike it now either. Like this, trying to touch you..."

He changed his way of touching to poke lightly with his fingertip. Her breathing became even more acute.

Then after a while...

"Even like this... in the shape of a box...?"

Haruaki thought for a moment then answered honestly:

"Hmm, if I had to say the truth, your human form is softer. I'd like to touch it too."

"Th-That's your real goal? Hmph..."

This time, Haruaki exhaled. Now was the chance to say what he wanted to say.

"&mdash;You became like this because of me, right? I've wanted to have a proper talk with you all this time."

He paused in his motions of touching her.

"On that ship... You went berserk only because I was too weak. If I were stronger, you wouldn't have been forced to do that to save us. That's why... Sorry."

"Don't apologize. The one who wants to apologize... is me."

But she did not continue with words of apology. Haruaki's guess was that she believed that no amount of apologizing would be enough, that was why she forbade herself from saying those words.

The bandage on his left hand. The emptiness occupying it. The vague pain. The cold sense of loss. But clearly, he had already started to get used to his left hand being like this.

Hence, he extended his left hand this time and stroked Fear's body as before. Nothing different from his right hand. No need for concern at all. No need to obsess over it at all. Even if the number of fingers had decreased, he was still able to touch Fear's body. And being able to do that was very important.

"..."

Fear seemed to hold her breath for an instant, but did not say anything. Even if it was only a mere fraction, he hoped his feelings could reach her.

"Say... You became like this because you don't want to hurt us again, right?"

Turned into the form of a cube. Turned into a passive tool of torture and execution instead of an active weapon. Turned into what she probably disliked, her form.

"Yes..."

Haruaki sighed greatly in exasperation. His hand's movements changed to caressing back and forth. As a result, his fingers' pain became more pronounced, but he did not care and said deliberately in a gentle tone of voice:

"Uh~ What you're doing is wrong, can you stop?"

"...!"

"It's not like I hate you in this form, but if you decide: 'I must stay like this forever!' That's really going to be a problem. I'd be very grateful if you could return to your original form quickly."

"Why...? Why... is it wrong? Staying like this, I'll... not hurt anyone again&mdash;"

"Nothing of that sort."

He interrupted.

"I'll feel hurt. Wanting to touch the soft you, wanting to see your usual face, I'll feel hurt..."

"Ah..."

Fear cried out in surprise.

Following up on his success, Haruaki continued to whisper:

"I know this is my willfulness, but I still have to say it. Not too long ago, you said you wanted to stay with me, right? I'll answer you right now... I too... want to stay with you. I want to live together in his home forever. So&mdash;This is an order. Just as before, stay here."

A willful move. A willful declaration.

However, this undoubtedly came from his heart.

After a very, very long silence&mdash;

"I can... stay here?"

"Of course you can. Stay."

Then Haruaki relaxed his tense face. Smiling, he said:

"Somehow I feel like I've had this conversation with you before. Back when you first got here."

But things were different from back then. His own thoughts were different.

Back then, he did not mind whether she stayed or left.

But now, even if she did not want to stay&mdash;She must stay.

Becuase he hoped for her to stay.

He did not want her to disappear.

"But... Oh right. I've been thinking... Was it really good for me to come here? Was the choice I made back then wrong? After coming to this home, what have I done? What can I do from now on? Was I wrong from the start? Still continuing to be wrong until now and will remain wrong forever? I can't dispel these thoughts&mdash;"

"Haha, it's because that Dominion Lord told you many terrible things, right? What an idiot... Even if he said you were a mistake from the start, there's no reason why everything that happened afterwards becomes a mistake, right? That guy only remembers you from your birth, but he doesn't know the you after coming here."

"But&mdash;In hindsight, I did things with irrevocable results&mdash;"

He could sense faintly.

Fear's gaze was directed towards his left hand that was stroking her body.

"What have I done? In the end, everything was wasted effort, right? If it's like that, what pains me the most to this day, that harming a certain person's body was all I could do, then the meaning of my time living here&mdash;"

"Like I said, nothing of that sort. The meaning of your time living here? Of course there is meaning. The positive things are too many to count."

"R-Really...?"

"Yeah. The positive effects and changes here after you came. Although I might be exaggerating, there are definitely things that make me feel 'thank goodness'&mdash;"

Using a calm voice with a smile of nostalgia, he then said:

"Lemme think... First, from my perspective, I learned the soft feeling of caressing your head, I also learned the softness of your body, the taste of your skin, the pleasant sound of your voice, and also learned your weight..."

"W-Wait wait wait! What the... Those are all embarrassing things! Shameless, too shameless...! D-Don't joke around...!"

Haruaki's smile did not go away. He was not joking. He definitely started with things to embarrass her on purpose, but he was absolutely not joking.

Everything he said was true.

"There's more. Like I know you have a habit of curling up in a ball to sleep. You also love cute animals like cats and dogs very much. I also know that after seeing those animals, you look very cute the way you can't hold yourself back. Then when I see you stuffing yourself with rice crackers, as long as I ignore the matter of the home budget, it fills me with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, it's really great..."

"S-Still the same stuff! Those are all trivial things, not worth mentioning&mdash;"

"But if you weren't here, I'd never learn those things."

Horizontal gaze. Staring at Fear's body, he said with a serious demeanor:

"I've never felt happiness from these feelings before&mdash;That's why they're very precious to me."

"Uguu." Fear made a sound like something was stuck in her throat.

Seeing her unable to argue back, Haruaki continued. He did not stop the motion of his hand either. Changing the angle, he stroked Fear's surface. She shuddered again.

"Not just my own personal feelings... There are lots more. In your case, you started doing things you were originally unable to do. Like greeting others, working part-time jobs, also going to school as well. Then there are the people who made contact with you, everyone is smiling and laughing, right? This is a good thing."

"..."

"Yes, making friends of all kinds of people is a good thing. If you hadn't shown up... Right, we wouldn't have become so close with Class Rep, we wouldn't have known her secret and Class Rep would probably still be a part of that Lab Chief's Nation. Also Sovereighnty, Shiraho, Un Izoey, Amanda, Chihaya and Isuzu... We got to know so many people. Let's not forget people in town. Because you're so striking, people in the shopping street all remember your appearance. When you suddenly rushed at someone who was taking a puppy out for a walk, you ended up getting to help walk the puppy every now and then... Oh right, what was the owner's name?"

"...Yamashita."

"Yes, Yamashita-san. That Siberian Husky looked so fierce but was very cute. Ever since you came, Kuroe looks so happy every day and never goes on sudden trips again. Haha, I've also noticed that Konoha shows an unexpectedly childish side whenever she's talking to you. It's all thanks to you... Apart from that... The liquor shop owner started giving us freebies frequently when delivering the soy sauce, strangers starting conversations with us in school has also increased&mdash;"

Haruaki found his examples quite scattered and divided.

Without any order, he was simply turning images surfacing in his mind into words. Using the hand with missing fingers, he stroked Fear's body, whispering as though singing a song to match the rhythm of his hand.

Thanks to Fear, things were gained, things had changed.

"Because you eat a lot, I've come to want to let you eat more kinds of food, improving my cooking skill in leaps and bounds. Then there's rice cracker flavors and types, even I've become an expert quietly. I've also started to watch TV shows I wouldn't watch if I were alone. My English grades have improved. When I come home to find the house so lively before I say 'I'm back,' I can't help but feel happy. Because you have such a strong sense of curiosity, situations where I have to explain things to you have increased, thus making it so easy for time to pass. We've played so many nostalgic games, laughing all the time..."

His consciousness was gradually growing fuzzy. The room's darkness, his own voice, Fear's texture, all this produced an inexplicable and incredible sense of comfort, bringing forth peaceful drowsiness.

"I'm very grateful to you for staying here. I hope you'll continue... to stay from here on... So, hey, Fear..."

He whispered softly.

Leaving his hand continue to rest on Fear after stopping his caressing...

Haruaki closed his eyes.

The sense of emptiness no longer occupied his left hand.

Of course, the fact that he was missing fingers did not change.

However, the cold sense of loss that originally resulted was now&mdash;

It was now replaced by warmth as though someone had used their palm to gently cover his fingers.