Editing CubexCursedxCurious:Volume14 Chapter4 (section)

===Part 2===

"Nohooooooo!? Nnn ah, hee, yah..."

"..."

"W-Wait, don't... rub that kind of spot... so hard... Nnn... Haah..."

"Awawawa. What should I do? Faced with this situation, even I'm hesitating over whether it's appropriate to take out my camera!"

"..."

"Nnnnnngh! Ah, hah... The front... The back... The front again&mdash;? K-Kirika! It's enough, Kirika! Hey&mdash;!"

"Hmm...? Oh!"

Kirika suddenly looked up, noticing with startlement. Before her eyes, Kuroe's hair was raised in midair while the «Tragic Black River» was in action&mdash;How should this scene be described? In a sexual manner difficult to articulate in few words, Fear was suffering tight bondage. Kirika frantically released the «Tragic Black River» then remembered.

(Oh right. I remember we were discussing how it's too boring to simply watch Yachi training. While monitoring Lilyhowell, we should do something to avoid wasting time...)

Hence, Kuroe had suggested: "On further thought, I've never practiced seriously how to restrain others." Hence, in order to use their own weapons in a more experienced manner&mdash;and for the sake of slightly improving their restraining skills&mdash;Kirika and Kuroe had asked Fear to serve as their practice target for special training. This was because the two of them were tasked with restraining Nirushaaki.
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"Hmm~ Looking at the binding method just now... If it's my move, I'd definitely name it «Sexual Harassment Motomori». Should I pirate it for my own use?"

"S-Sorry, I think I spaced out slightly. How absolutely ridiculous..."

"Yeah, let's take a short break. There's tea in the flask~"

"Oh actually, I've brought rice crackers too."

While listening to this dialogue, Kirika glanced sideways to see ''him'' ahead, currently practicing his sword swings with single-minded focus. Lilyhowell was sitting on the floor slightly farther away, watching him intently.

Kirika's mind was slightly in a daze while she took a break together with Fear.

Honestly speaking&mdash;She found herself lacking in motivation.

Why was that? &mdash;She pondered. Speaking of which, why did she feel so bothered about the matter of fighting alongside Lilyhowell? And why was she unable to erase that kind of feeling? Then also pondering&mdash;She wondered why there was this feeling of finding excuses for her own reasons?

She took a sip of the tea that Kuroe had handed over. She originally wanted to look at Haruaki but inexplicably, she stopped halfway in turning her head, turning her gaze back to the steaming surface of the tea.

The more she introspected&mdash;for some reason&mdash;the more she dared not look at him.

(Hmm, in other words...)

As expected, absolutely ridiculous. She would feel guilty. Conversely, she took this as evidence of her ugly heart existing inside.

The reason why she felt unmotivated...

Was because deep in her heart...

She was harboring thoughts of "what if ''she'' never came back"&mdash;

If ''she'' forgot the confession ''she'' had witnessed&mdash;no, if ''she'' forgot all of her memories from before the confession, Kirika would be able to take her place by ''his'' side. It was probably because she was harboring this sort of incurably ugly delusion&mdash;

No. She hoped not. This sort of notion was not allowed.

However, inside her heart, another self was unable to deny these thoughts completely. Kirika was aware that these thoughts would give birth to feelings so tragic it would make her want to cry, but she also felt that no matter how much she tried to erase them, they would still remain attached somewhere in the depths of her heart, impossible to remove.

(I'm the worst...)

The depths of her chest and the interior of her abdomen were filled with thick and rotten mud. She really wanted to pluck out those internal organs, filthy because they were ugly, then cleanse them thoroughly with detergent&mdash;

But then it struck her. She was actually capable of doing that in fact. How ugly to the extreme.