Editing HEAVY OBJECT:Volume17 Chapter 1 (section)

===Part 2===

The TV cameras captured the shocking truth!!

Santa Claus exists, but he is a busty blonde woman in a red bikini that is coming untied and a miniskirt that has slid out of place!!!!!!

“Um, due to a slight misunderstanding, we shamed ourselves in front of the entire world, so our 37th Mobile Maintenance Battalion is being punished. Rejoice, because our schedule for the rest of the year is going to be jam packed while we are dragged all over the world. Just assume that you are not getting any New Year’s leave.”

Major Frolaytia Capistrano had the eyes of a dead fish.

Carelessly opening the door of sexuality within a pure boy was a very serious crime.

His dreams must not be destroyed, no matter how thankful he might be himself!!

Quenser and the others were riding on transport planes at the moment. They were moving from the South Britain District to the Legitimacy Kingdom’s northern occupied territory so they could ultimately reach a region beyond even the Object-less Northern Restricted Zone. Specifically, the Arctic.

“Frolaytia sure is in a bad mood today.”

“Can you blame her?”

[[Image:HO_v17_BW1.png|thumb]]

The two idiots could not help but complain. While it looked like Dom Queen Frolaytia was sitting down to talk, there were no chairs in the transport plane’s cargo space. Their commander was instead resting her butt on the sexy Santa in question who was down on all fours.

“Ah, ahhh. A-all I did was take over last minute because the old man said his back was aching from the cold.”

She was a glasses woman with fluffy blonde hair who did not seem very strong-willed.

She looked college aged or a little older.

The fabric sticking out form her miniskirt was probably a swimsuit rather than underwear, but the roundness it contained was still impressive. The term “forbidden fruit” fit it perfectly. She was the kind of beautiful woman who unfortunately looked perfect with tears welling up in her eyes. Where had she been in the 37th all this time?

“Elise. Bear with it. And don’t forget your manners.” When her “chair” lost its balance and tilted below her, Frolaytia lightly slapped that ass with her empty hand. “We are being punished in the military fashion instead of the corporate one. That means we will begin our next battle under very unfavorable conditions, so prepare yourself for what I am about to tell you. First, I need to explain the situation in the Arctic.”

She shook her long, narrow kiseru as she spoke. That fact that she did not allow any of it to fall on Miss Elise Montana’s butt suggested that silver demon still had some kindness left in her heart.

“You have probably heard that the Arctic’s ice grows thinner by the year thanks to global warming. Unlike the past, icebreaker ships can forcibly break their way through, so it has become a hot area where all four world powers hope to extract oil and establish new sea routes.”

A large cargo ship used tens of thousands of euros’ worth of fuel in a day, so being able to take the shortest route meant a lot. Also, a new route would mean more freedom of movement for Objects as well.

Panama, the Hawaiian Islands, Gibraltar, and the Cape of Good Hope.

Just as wars had been fought around the world over cornerstones of transportation, the Arctic was starting to be seen as a worthwhile spot for controlling the current Age of Objects. Its importance meant it was a scene of intense fighting, and that meant more lost soldiers.

Quenser had trouble deciding whether he should be on his best behavior here or if he should intentionally irritate his commander as a way of indirectly punishing the miniskirt Santa, but for now…

“Who’s causing the trouble this time?”

“All four world powers really, but we are directly interested in the Legitimacy Kingdom and Information Alliance.” Frolaytia re-crossed her long legs atop her chair. “The problem is the intense cold wave that has caused temperatures to plummet across the entire Arctic in the past few days. The ice has grown nice and thick again, so both the Legitimacy Kingdom and the Information Alliance have all their ships trapped in the ice. Not even icebreakers are enough to escape. That means the rules of naval battles no longer apply. It looks like we need to follow the rules of land battles by walking across the thick ice to approach and blow up their stationary fortress artillery.”

Naval experts could only fight on the sea.

Even if they had received general all-around training, they could not do what actual marines and armies could do.

So were Quenser, Heivia, and the others being sent in as additional personnel?

“I will tell you everything you need to know this time.”

Frolaytia swung down her kiseru with a solid sound.

“Eek!?” screamed the fluffy blonde.

However, the busty silver-haired woman was a terribly kind person, so she had made sure to first place an ashtray on the butt of her glasses Santa seat.

“Eeeek!” The chair trembled. “H-huh? You keep building the tension and then nothing???”

“Doesn’t Elise look kind of happy as she trembles?”

Sharp-eyed Quenser’s observation went ignored.

“The direct conflict between the Legitimacy Kingdom and the Information Alliance comes down to the Julius Caesar, an aurora observation ship that was forcing its way through the ice near the North Pole.”

“Based on the name, I’m going to guess that ship is ours.”

“Basically, it is an Arctic cruise ship that has no interest at all in cruising the rest of the seven seas. Its ads ask if you would like to take the world’s shortest cruise around the globe. And since they do make a full circle of the Arctic, it’s technically true.”

Quenser did not care about the aurora, so he did not see the appeal. He was much more interested in seeing Santa’s boobs.

“It was officially disguised as a Christmas and New Year’s aurora observation tour, but the passenger list shows an unusual number of the Legitimacy Kingdom’s ultra-wealthy. Also, the ship was riding awfully low in the water for the number of crew and passengers, so they appear to be carrying something rather heavy. Now, if you depart from Scandinavia, cross the North Pole, and keep going, you will arrive at a small island in the Bering Sea which belongs to the same blank zone as Alaska. And as is so common in the blank zones left around the world after the collapse of the UN, a secret bank for depositing pure gold was secretly established there.”

If Quenser was being honest, he cared about that even less than the aurora.

The military had put together this rescue operation awfully quickly when these people really should have been punished for moving their secret gold to that bank. This reeked of collusion between the public and private sectors. And even if he revealed the criminality and the gold was recovered, none of it would end up in his pocket. It would all be confiscated by the government and treated as public property and that would be that.

“For some reason, it has been trapped in the Arctic Ocean." Frolaytia disinterestedly wiggled the foot of her crossed leg. “Even with the ice thinned out by global warming, breaking through requires a fair amount of power and they likely burned out their diesel engine by loading themselves down with too much gold. Thus began a war between the Legitimacy Kingdom who wants their money back and the Information Alliance that wants the information of that gold that they feel has fallen into their laps. Of course, both sides officially insist they are working to rescue the civilians who were trapped in an unfortunate accident while also working to eliminate the greedy enemy army that is obstructing their heroic service.”

Heivia gave a snort of laughter at that.

Both at the Information Alliance for thinking this gold had fallen into their laps and at the Legitimacy Kingdom for thinking it was “their money”. They clearly arrogantly believed they could take as much as they wanted if they imposed heavy taxes.

“Christmas only comes once a year, so why are they wasting it on that crap? They have dollar signs in their eyes year-round, don’t they?”

“That is what makes this such a pain-in-the-ass job no one wants to mess with. And the major cold wave threw off the initial schedule, so things are utter chaos out there. As thick as the ice is, it isn’t enough to carry an Object. And the obvious profit at hand has both sides sending in more and more troops. …An obvious quagmire, isn’t it? And even if we win this battle, it only earns us a single point. Guarding a Christmas parade in the sunny southern hemisphere would earn us just as many points, so that would be the far better mission.”

Simply put, it was time for yet another shitty job.

After all, the cold wave was so bad not even icebreaker ships could get through. Military uniforms provided more than just camouflage, but fighting in the Arctic would still require cold weather gear designed for the Arctic. Once they had permission to borrow that equipment, Quenser, Heivia, and the others pulled plastic-packaged uniforms out of a wooden box labelled “battlefield equipment”.

However…

“Um, Frolaytia?”

“What is it, Potato #1?”

“We’re going to be fighting in the white Arctic, aren’t we? Then what is the meaning of this?”

Quenser unfolded a uniform colored bright red.

And it had fluffy white additions.

These uniforms were redder than those of Buckingham Palace’s guards. In fact, were they even military uniforms? If you walked around a safe country city like this, every last person who saw you would call you Santa.

“I said this was a military-style punishment, didn’t I?” Frolaytia rubbed her own temples with her empty hand. “To be clear, I have to change into a miniskirt Santa outfit myself. These are officially being called a new type of anti-sensor camouflage, but I have my doubts regarding its actual effectiveness.”

“We might as well be sticking out our asses and asking to be shot.”

“Pretty much. You could say we have all been put in for high-payout life insurance policies.”

“I never signed up for that!!” screamed Quenser, but Frolaytia only winked.

Some parts of the world could be even crueler than the battlefield where bullets constantly whizzed by.

“Which is why the payout will have no one to go to and the government will have no choice but to confiscate it ‘to avoid trouble’. Isn’t this a wonderful system where they can eliminate the troublemakers and make money while they’re at it?”

But the 37th Mobile Maintenance Battalion could not have made it this far if they would obediently fight and die as they were told. Ever since the trouble in Alaska, they had clung to life with a stubbornness that put cockroaches to shame.

“Dammit, I’m surviving this no matter what it takes,” said one of those boys who could not read the room.

“Yes. I can’t think of a single reason why we should die here and give those out-of-shape officers a fat year-end bonus. As always, go kill the enemy and come back alive.”

“Um, Frolaytia? Is there anything else we should worry about?”

“The Information Alliance intends to do the same.”