Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Shizuka Wakui (section)

===2===
"Doctor, I think I want to end the therapy."

Doctor Mihara looks at me, slightly bewildered, and asks, "Why is that?"

"The reason I started seeing you to begin with was because I needed support back then, right?"

He gives me a small nod. "Do you feel that you are not in need of support anymore?"

"Yes, exactly. The fits of depression I used to have are gone, and so is my aversion against talking to others," I explain and decide to add something I experienced the other day when I was waiting here, "and I don't just run away from you screaming." 

A few wrinkles appear in the doctor's brow.

"...Who are you talking about?"

"The boy who used to be here before me. I think I saw him wearing the uniform of the Shikura middle school. He bumped into me the other day, didn't he? What was his name again?"

"...I am afraid that I cannot talk to you about my other clients."

"Not even his name? Whatever. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him lately."

His mien darkens clearly.

"He is not going to... come again."

"Is that so...?"

"Yes," he nods.

I doubt they would just discontinue his mental treatment in that condition; did something happen? Seeing how he ran away screaming, there must be a reason why he didn't want to come anymore.

But I have a strange gut feeling about this.

After all, that boy is a student of the Shikura middle school. Given that he was under mental treatment, it's more than possible that he had a reason for suicide, so he might be among the three suicide victims.

Judging from Doctor Mihara's bitter mien, he must know the truth. I refrain from asking more, however, because his personality would not allow him to answer me.

"At any rate, you said you want to cancel our meetings?" he says, getting back on topic, "in my view, it is a bit early for that."

"I know, Doctor. You're right in that my wounds have not yet healed up; I'm not my former self yet, either."

"That's not the problem," he argues. "These wounds will accompany you through your entire life, and you will not be able to return to your uninjured former self anymore."

"Where lies the problem, then?" I ask.

"I am hesitant to believe that you have really recovered from the shock."

"But in that case, wouldn't I be coming here for the rest of my life?"

The doctor pauses for a moment. "Still... it is still too early."

I get worked up a little; is he claiming that I'm <i>weird</i>?

Therefore, I object:

"Doctor. Let me be frank. We're not a wealthy household. The bill for this psychological therapy cuts pretty deep into our budget!"

"......" He lapses into silence as I bring up my monetary circumstances.

"Maybe you're right and I haven't fully recovered from the shock yet, but I'm confident that with the support of my parents and the few friends I have—like Kazuaki—I will be able to get better."

"I do not disagree with that. However, I feel that you are still in need of a specialist like me."

"Why?" I ask, somewhat irritated.

"...Very well, let me explain my concerns: I feel that you have delusional tendencies."

"...Delusional tendencies?" I ask in response to his unexpected claim. I have trouble seeing what he is referring to.

"Yes. I do not know how developed that inclination was when you first came here because you would not open yourself up to anyone... but I think that those delusional tendencies have become stronger as you regained your vitality."

"Huh? Do you mean I threw away my common sense in order to come to terms?" I ask.

"I cannot say for sure. I do surmise, however, that in order to protect yourself from the deep wound you sustained, you were forced to alter various things that would otherwise have caused more damage, including a certain sense of values."

"...In other words, you want to say that I'm still closing myself off?"

"I do not fully agree with the nuance of that... but that might be close. As I said earlier, it is by no means a bad thing to change. The problem is the direction of your change. Of course, I think that it is better than staying wounded, but I do not consider it a solution."

After carefully digesting his words, I object:

"Stop kidding me."

"Wakui-san..."

"I'm still <i>weird</i>, eh? That's not true! I've become <i>normal</i> again!" I scream, evoking more anger that comes welling up. "Enough! I'm sick and tired! You've seen me for the last time!"

With these words, I stand up and turn away from him.

"Wakui-san!"

Ignoring the words he throws after me, I leave his office.

There was no going back anymore.



I went to school as usual the next day.

My chin rested on the desk, I'm eagerly waiting for the chime to ring. Because of the slow pace the clock is moving at, I think back at the therapy session yesterday.

I think I got a bit too hysteric. I'm sorry for Doctor Mihara. He only stated his honest opinion, nothing more.

<i>That said,</i> I say to myself as I recall his words from yesterday.

Delusional? Me?

I admit, my fixed opinion on the existence of humanoid energies might seem delusional from a certain common-sense-influenced perspective. However, I have carefully elaborated the underlying logic for this theory; I'm in the right. If anything, I'm one step ahead of the average Joe.

Anyway, that doesn't really matter in this case: I haven't told the doctor about the humanoid energies.

I'm a patient; a mentally ill person. Because I'm aware of the implications this bears, I have deliberately kept from informing him so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

That means that... he views me as delusional even without the story about humanoid energies?

...That's nonsense. I'm normal. No matter which of my limbs you take a look into, I look completely <i>normal</i> and off-the-rack.

And yet, and yet! You treat me like a mentally ill person!

Getting upset again, I kick Kazuaki who is sitting next to me.

"Ouch!"

Idiot! Why do you cry out...?

As a natural consequence, the eyes of the class—the teacher's included—gather on Kazuaki. Feigning ignorance, I look at my notebook and start writing random characters.

"What was that for...?!" he complains quietly, scowling at me reproachfully, after everyone's attention returned to the lesson.

"Just because."

"So you were that kind of person who doesn't need a reason to beat someone, huh? Shizu-chan... sob, sob."

"'Sob, sob', eh? Who's the girl between us?"

Suddenly, the chime rings and ends our whispered exchange. Going through the routine, we stand up, bow to the teacher, and sit down.

A few moments later, our class teacher enters the classroom and finishes homeroom with some idle talk. My business at school is over for today.

Immediately after I stand up and say, "Bye," Kazuaki approaches me:

"Shizuka, wanna go home together?"

"Sorry, but I have something to do again."

That park is located in the opposite direction from the train station we would use when going home.

In visibly low spirits, Kazuaki mutters, "...Uh-huh."

"...Again, Kazuaki, I'm really not avoiding you," I assure.

"I know!"

"Then don't pull such a visage."

"But that appointment takes priority over me, doesn't it?"

Taken by surprise, I search for words.

"Well... that's true, but..."

"Aah, urm, it's okay, it's okay. Sorry for being grumpy."

Indeed, he's being a little grumpy. Still, I say what I'm supposed to say:

"...Sorry that I can't tag along with you."

That was enough to bring a smile to his face. Geez, he's such a simple person.

"See you, Kazuaki," I say as I wave him goodbye. He returns a wave, smiling.

Walking down the corridor, I head toward my shoe locker.

My pace is gradually increasing.

I want to go there, quickly, and see <i>her</i>.

Am I looking forward to seeing her? Hmm? At the very least, it feels different from going to a long-awaited bargain sale. If I were to phrase my current feelings... maybe like going for the first time to your boyfriend's place? Even though you feel only negative things like nervousness, fear and embarrassment, you don't feel bad at all. Like that.

"Um—" a voice suddenly disturbs me, however.

I look up to confirm whose voice that was, and recognize one of the C2 duo, Hozumi Shiiki, coming down the stairs.

"If that's not Hozumi-chan from the C2s," I remark in response.

"...What's 'C2'?"

"The name of your girl group. Ah, um, forget it."

<i>C2</i> stands for "the two chibis."

"Anyway," I continue, "what do you want from me? I'm in a hurry."

"I, um... would like to discuss something with you, concerning Toyoshina-senpai."

Kazuaki Toyoshina.

As is pretty obvious from her usual attitude, Hozumi-chan—that short but busty (D cup, I bet my shirt!) girl—has a crush on Kazuki. Like, she's all over him. You wouldn't believe that a calm-looking girl like her would be so offensive when it comes to Kazuaki. Although only when backed up by the other part of the C2 duo, Yoshino Mitsui.

Hm, this matter is interesting enough to spare a few minutes. I haven't set a time for my appointment with <i>her</i> after all. I'm not even sure if the concept of time exists for <i>her</i>.

"Fine, let's talk."

"Thank you," she replies. "Let's find us a better place to talk."

"Sure. How about the canteen?"

Hozumi-chan nods and follows me.




Waiting for her to start talking, I take a gulp from a paper cup and savor the taste of the orange juice. Hozumi-chan hasn't spoken a word since she sat down even though she was the one who asked me here.


Hm... should I expect a somewhat serious discussion here?

I think she knows that I've noticed her feelings for Kazuaki, and I think she also knows that I can't give her a hand in that matter.

I could've sworn that she planned to talk about that through, but maybe I was wrong?

As I start looking closely at her, Hozumi-chan lowers her gaze bashfully. She's by far not as offensive as she usually is... Because Yoshino-chan's not with her? Or does she only get offensive when it comes to getting Kazuaki's attention?

"...Urm..." she finally squeezes out.

"Hm?"

"Are you, Wakui-san, and Toyoshina-senpai only childhood friends?"

Having anticipated a question along those lines, I don't move a muscle.

"Oh my, you could've just asked Kazuaki."

"I did."

"Hm? Ah, yeah, he's easier to approach than me, isn't he? What did he say? Ah, no, it's OK. I can tell. But I see... so you realized that we are likely to give you a different answer to that question."

"..." She remains silent.

"Out of interest, do we look like mere childhood friends?"

Hozumi-chan ponders for a few moments. "No, you don't..."

I nod at her response.

"You're right. A mere childhood friend wouldn't choose the same high school just to stay together, nor would that person beg his teacher to put their seats next to each other, nor would that person toy happily with the other part's hair."

"...Who's who?"

"Do you really want to know?"

Hozumi-chan casts her eyes downward and lapses into silence again.

I take another gulp from my orange juice, deliberately drinking from it slowly because I don't know how long she is going to stay silent.

It isn't before I put the emptied paper cup onto the table that she continues.

"...How should I deal with that?" Hozumi-chan whispers low-spiritedly.

"What do you mean by that? Are you restraining yourself for him...? No, you were aware of that all along. You're restraining yourself for me, right?"

After a few moments of wavering, she finally nods.

"Don't mind me," I say.

Surprised, Hozumi-chan looks up at me.

"What's up with that face? Didn't expect me to say that?"

"B-But... you both love each other no matter how you look at it..."

"<u>No matter how you look at it?</u> Also when you look at us?" I ask.

"Probably..."

"You're unsure? Even though we're talking about the boy that's always on your mind?"

"...Yes," she replies honestly.

"I see. That means that you, Hozumi-chan, have a better idea of us than those unspecified people that view us as a couple."

"Huh...?"

"I don't know Kazuaki's thoughts on this, but I for one have no idea how you could describe our relationship."

"You don't...?"

"Mm."

Hozumi-chan takes a few moments to think about <u>the reason why I phrased it that way</u>. At last, she comes to an answer.

"Does that mean that I don't have to restrain myself for you?" she asks.

After a short pause, I reply, "Sure."

"Good...," she says with a blatant smile, which she is trying to hide, "I always felt bad about you."<!-- regretful -->

"I know that you did," I confess as I hold the empty cup against my lips, "but don't resent me for that. I couldn't just tell you to ignore me and hit on him to your heart's content, could I?"

"...Yes," Hozumi-chan says, her face gloomy-looking again.

"Ah, I'm not being sarcastic here, okay? ...In fact, I'd rather Kazuaki found someone else other than me."

She is visibly surprised by that fact. Geez...will her face ever stay put for a while?

"I don't know if a day will come when I can answer his feelings for me. Maybe not, and I'd keep him waiting. Therefore, I think it's for his sake if I left him to a girl like you, Hozumi-chan," I explain and she listens. While putting down and picking up the cup for no particular reason, I continue, "He ought to learn that I'm not the only girl there is. Because he... only ever paid attention to me."

Hozumi-chan remains silent, her face cast down. After a while, she looks up and looks me deep in the eyes.

"I won't... hold back anymore!" she says with a calm but resolute voice.

Slightly unsettled by her straight gaze, I avert my eyes a little bit.

"And I just told you that's okay, didn't I?" I answer—with a voice slightly quieter than before.

Still fixed on my face, she nods, "...I see." She let's out a short sigh I almost overlooked. "Thank you for your time. See you..."

"Yeah, see you."

Hozumi-chan picks up her bag and, after giving me a brief bow, leaves without looking back.

As I gaze at my empty paper cup, I ask myself:

<i>...Hey Shizuka. Are you serious?</i>

I wonder? I think I am. I think so... but somehow I'm not fully comfortable with what I said. I feel a bit like I were trying to make myself believe a drawn apple was a real one.

I gaze at the chair in front of me that's still pulled away from the table.

Hozumi-chan.

She's a good girl. No doubt about that. Even I have to admit that she's pretty. Every normal boy would fall for her almost instantly if she wanted them to.

But what of it?

She's a good girl, so what? She's pretty, so what? Does that make her suitable for Kazuaki?

I try to imagine not me but her standing besides Kazuaki.

...No, I can't. I can't imagine that.

However... there is something I'm grateful of her.

Only thanks to her could I remain level-headed like this—because she didn't probe into my actual feelings for Kazuaki.

A tingling sensation runs through my head like a swarm of ants. I feel nauseated even though my stomach is perfectly fine.

I—

—crushed the paper cup in my hand.




The talk with Hozumi-chan has affected me, no doubt, but that's no reason to change my plans; I head to <i>her</i>.

I don't know when and where she is waiting, but I know that she's <b>there</b>.

The humanoid energies are flickering again, frantically trying to break into someone's body.

<i>{Unforgivable. Unforgivable. Your new website is unforgivable.}</i>

<i>{I love you. Iloveyou. I love you, giant vs. Yakult.}</i>

<i>{I know your secret! You take off your trousers when you go to the toilet!}</i>

It's getting dangerous—<i>their</i> words are starting to make sense to me. I'm slowly starting to see the underlying feelings of their cryptic messages.

A tingling pain runs through my body.

I instinctively realize that it's dangerous to understand <i>their</i> language. Understanding them is equivalent to being able to communicate with them, and communicating with them requires opening myself to them for the duration of the conversation. <i>They</i> are not going to let that chance slip.

I try to disregard <i>them</i> like I would ignore those people distributing free tissues.

I just have to avoid contact with them, that's all. I just have to ignore the fact that they're not just roughly shaped like humans anymore, but possess human silhouettes by now.

Ignoring <i>them</i> with all my might, I find myself at the same park as the other day again. <i>She</i> is sitting on the same bench as previously.

The first thing I ask <i>her</i>, who is absurdly beautiful, is:

"Hey, is it because of you that I can now see the outlines of humanoid energies?"

"'You'," she says instead of answering my question. Apparently, she is not addressing me, but repeating the word I used to refer to her. "Call me Reina. In return, I'll also call you Shizuka. Okay?"

"I don't mind..." I answer warily.

"Shizuka it is, then. Did you consider my offer?"

Heh, my question got ignored.

"Your <i>offer</i>, huh... don't you think that a little too one-sided? You said what you wanted to say and suddenly 'disappeared.' Besides, I have no idea what you mean by, 'Do you want to come with me?'"

"Seriously...?"

"Seriously," I reply with a sigh.

"Even though you possess such skills?" she asks with blunt astonishment.

"Yes. I suppose we acquired these skills in different ways. When you climb a mountain from different directions, you still arrive at the same place, no?"

Reina pauses for a while and nods at last.

"I see, that's why you call <i>them</i> 'humanoid energies.'"

"Understood?"

"Yes. Because there is a much easier and straightforward name for them, isn't there? 'Spirits.'"

"I have to admit that I also thought of that name when I first got to recognize their outlines. However, there is a certain <u>discrepancy</u> between my definition of the word 'spirit' and how I define 'humanoid energy,' although that's probably just my common sense restraining me. I couldn't give this phenomenon a hackneyed name such as 'spirit.' Even now, to be honest, they will stay humanoid energies to me. Do you understand?"

"I certainly do. But you ought to keep in mind that they're not <i>humanoid energies</i> for anyone else. Of course, <i>spirit</i> is only the answer for a limited number of people as well," she explains.

"...Sorry, I'm afraid you've lost me."

"In other words, the term 'humanoid energy' may be your own way of calling them, but <u>by naming them that way, they have assumed the role of humanoid energies.</u>"

"...like an orange becomes an orange with our awareness of that name...?"

"Hmm, that's slightly off, I'm afraid. You should take a less explainable thing as an example. Like... God. Do you believe in God, Shizuka?"

"I, I guess not."

"Okay, that means that you might thank your own luck when you've been lucky, right? But as soon as we coin the term 'God', you'll be thanking not your luck, but God for watching over you—and that's an entirely different message, isn't it?"

"...Yeah, I think I see where you're coming from, but that's not a good example. To raise a better one, 'air' can only exist as 'air' if you know its name. That's your point, right?"

After all, we cannot <u>perceive</u> air unless we have heard of it, since it's neither visible nor palpable.

"Color me impressed, Shizuka. You're quick!"

"Hold back the flattery, please. Anyway, may I ask a few questions?"

"Sure, if I can answer them," she says, accepting my request.

"Great, then to start—" I pose the question I've been dying to ask, "—Who are you?"

Seemingly unable to grasp the significance of my question, Reina inclines her head.

"Why do you ask?"

"You're not human, but neither are you a humanoid energy."

"But you already know my name, don't you?"

"...Reina Kamisu." As I say her name, <u>I understand what she's getting at.</u>

"Right, I'm Reina Kamisu. <u>That and nothing else.</u>"

Right, I have already <u>named the essence of that phenomenon 'Reina Kamisu.'</u>

"...Fine, I will no longer ask that question. But... why did you get in touch with me?"

"It seems like there is a misunderstanding on your part. <i>You</i> were the initiator of our contact, weren't you?"

"...True. Then why did you make that offer to me?"

"Because you have power, Shizuka."

"What power?"

"You have the ability to sense 'humanoid energies,' to borrow your naming."

"I know that. What I don't know is what kind of power this ability translates into."

Reina stays silent for a few moments, thinking, until she answers me with a smile:

"<u>It's the power to save the world.</u>"

Surprised, my eyes widen. After all, my fundamental suspicion was that Reina's existence poses a threat to peace, and that's why I got in touch with her.

If I were to believe her words...

"—So what you're doing—setting the humanoid energies into motion—is part of saving the world?"

"Yes."

"Spare me your lies! I know that your deeds have yielded several victims!"

"<u>'Several',</u>" she smiles. "<u>Is saving several people equivalent to saving the world?</u>"

"...Do you mean that...?"

"You're probably spot on."

In other words, Reina <u>has sacrificed a few people in order to save everyone else</u>? Like the masses in a war that was started just to seize a single dictator? Like an elephant among a hungry group of animals that was killed for the others to survive?

As I fight with increasing confusion, Reina smiles at me and continues:

"I know it all, Shizuka."

Her following words unsettle me even more.

"<u>You only acquired that ability after <i>that incident</i>, didn't you?</u>"