Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 2 Sakura Kawai (section)

===2===


I picture Reina Kamisu to myself.

Above all she is beautiful. It's as if she was perfection given form. No, you could even say that she is perfection.

She is water so pure and transparent that you can't tell where it starts. I tasted from this pure water and had my life saved by it. A human body consists to 70 percent of water. In other words, 70 percent of my body consists already of Reina-san.

The water that is Reina-san is becoming clouded? The foothold is collapsing?

Impossible.

The conclusion that can be drawn is simple.



<u>Reina Kamisu is not dead.</u>



"Reina Kamisu isn't dead!"



Yukimi Mitsui said so.

Even the girl that I considered my enemy said so.

She also claimed herself as a subordinate of Reina Kamisu.

Quite frankly, I underestimated Reina-san's excellence.

I was under the impression that by being with her I was able to increase her value to some extent. Of course, I was completely wrong! Reina-san had no problems showing her splendor to its best advantage even in places that are outside my circle of influence.

Therefore, it's perfectly possible that plans for feigning her death came to be without my knowing.

How they did it?

I don't care. The only thing that matters is the fact that she's alive.

Besides ... would Reina-san even need any realistic means for something as minor as feigning her death?

Of course not.

Reina-san can overcome even death.



I met Reina-san's brother, Ryoji-san. He has also noticed that she's still alive. That makes him the third one of us and proves that it's an undeniable fact that Reina-san's alive.

On his request, I showed him around in school. He acted a bit strange here and there, but he also said this to me:

"I don't know what Reina wanted to achieve by scattering, but I do know the cause."

"What is it...?"

"The cause is—you and your friends."

I was confused at first.

What is the meaning of this? It was us who made her scatter? Has her brother perhaps gotten to this conclusion by talking to me?

Reina-san scattered because of ... us?

No, Reina-san scattered <u>for</u> us.

Which means...?

Right, Reina-san feigned her death for us.

I see. That would explain why she chose to feign her death at this school. It was all for our sake. Reina-san is trying to save us hopeless lambs.

Right, we are hopeless.

Anna, for example, suffers because of her family problems. I, for example, am unable to see anything but a dark, dull future. Because there is no god in this world, there is nothing to depend on and there is no hope for us.

That doesn't make sense!

This system is way too unbalanced. Too unfair. Too absurd. How is that OK? Everything's a lie except for the things that hurt? That's cruel!

Therefore, Reina-san can't be dead.

No, she can't be dead.

She can't be dead.

She's alive.

A-L-I-V-E.

I will kill everyone who dares to claim that she's dead in front of me. Because they're too stupid to be kept alive. Why do these ugly maggots even breathe even though they are blinded by commons sense, even though they believe in nothing but money!

Reina-san simply disappeared somewhere because of some reason.



"<u>Please take good care of Reina Kamisu</u>."
<!-- 「<u>今後とも神栖麗奈をよろしくお願いします</u>」 -->


The meaning of her last words starts to dawn on me.

She entrusted me with a task.

What task?

To preserve her place for when she appears again.

Reina-san is not dead, but only very few are aware of it. At this time, it's only Yukimi Mitsui, her brother and me. There may be more, but the number stays small. Moreover, there must be people who have doubts about the lie that is Reina-san's death, but they are lacking evidence.

However, it's true that the lie she spread is very cunning. So cunning, in fact, that the lie will become true once everyone starts to believe it. I don't want to state the obvious, but the dead can't coexist with the living. Dead people lose their relation to the living.

Reina-san will come back, but I feel that her return is bound to certain conditions.

After all, Reina-san is trying to save us. Salvation does not come to people who don't believe in salvation. Therefore, those who forgot her, those who lost faith in her will not be saved. There is no reason for her to appear in a place where she has been forgotten, in a place that is outside the range of her salvation.

It means that I have to make sure she has a place to return to.

In order to meet Reina-san—in order to meet again her again—I have to keep her place unoccupied.

I see! This is a trial.

A trial to test my faith in Reina-san.



As a way to arrange a place for Reina-san, I chose to take advantage of my position as the president of the student council. I asked the teachers to let me have a speech at the monthly assembly and received permission.

The day of the assembly arrived in no time. Through the microphone the teacher who presided over the assembly says, "The president of the student council would like to take the floor." Following his announcement, I climb on the stage and encounter almost five hundred faces, some of which are older than me, some of which are the same age, and some of which are younger than me. Most of their gazes are directed at me. I've gotten used to this sight. After receiving the sign, I, the teachers and the nearly five hundred students bow to each other.

I survey the audience.

Nearly five hundred people. This is hardly anything when comparing it to the numbers used by the mass media, but it's quite an overwhelming sight nevertheless. Is it really in my power to reach their hearts and project Reina-san into them? I don't want to admit it, but Yukimi Mitsui was right when she remarked that my charisma has dwindled. The weight of my words depends on whether or not Reina-san is present. Is it really in my power to show them the right path?

Don't falter! The more numerous the audience, the better. I don't need to convince all of them. I only need enough of them to create a place for Reina-san.

I open my dry mouth:

"Good morning, my dear schoolmates. My name is Sakura Kawai and today I would like to address Reina Kamisu's suicide."

Their gazes focus on me as I address the hottest topic at school. Everyone knows that I took on the position as president of the student council from Reina-san, and that I was her primary servant. They must be fairly curious about what I have to say about this subject.

"As you all know, Reina Kamisu was a special student. I am certain that I do not need to lose any words on <i>how</i> special she was. As such, many among you must still be confused by the sad news of her death. Many among you must still be mourning for her. I <u>was</u> one of them, too."

The students who noticed that I used past tense start to whisper to each other. Not a week has passed since Reina-san throw herself from the rooftop; in normal circumstances it would be impossible for me, her primary servant, to overcome the sadness of losing her.

"However—"

As expected, the majority of the students are all ears for my words. I deliberately choose to provoke them.

"—Let me be frank. Only a fool would be sad about her death."

My words create a general stir.

The students start to exchange glances and the teachers become alarmed. I don't mind if they stop me in the worst case, as long as I can communicate the important things. I only need to get their attention. Some of them will be curious enough to approach me of their own to hear the rest, and I will tell them. My thrilling ideas will soak through them and then automatically spread among the rest of the students.

My network is extensive enough to pull this off, even without Reina-san.

"Why is it foolish? Before I answer this question, let me read your mind."

I feel almost all of their five hundred gazes on me. Excellent.

"Certainly, you were all shocked by her suicide. You are bewildered and you are sad. But above all, do you not have  a 'fuzzy feeling' in your chests? <u>Do you not feel that something is wrong</u>?"

As I stand on the stage, I discover a few students who nodded.

"I know what that 'fuzzy feeling' is. Let me get straight to the resolution: you have this feeling because you think that Reina Kamisu might still be alive."

My words create yet another stir.

"Please do not misunderstand me: I mean it quite literally, not in the clichéd sense of her living on in our hearts. Her metabolism is still intact.<!-- 事実として彼女は生命活動をしている、という意味です --> You may say this is absurd, but then answer me: Can you deny it with all honesty? <u>Can you really say for sure that Reina Kamisu is dead</u>?"

To be frank, I'm only spitting nonsense. A fuzzy feeling? Well, of course they have that feeling! After all, Reina Kamisu, the person who occupied a large part of their hearts, died (they think) from one day to the next without a reason! How could they not have ruffled feelings about it?

However, the ones who fell for it and bought my explanation for their fuzzy feeling will think that <u>everything I said might be true.</u>

Some of them might naturally see through my trick, but can they deny my words with certainty? Can they pass on the compelling thought that Reina Kamisu might still be alive, just to deny what I said? Can they thrust the ones who got their hopes up back into the abyss of despair, even if they were certain it's a lie?

Reina Kamisu is dead. Reina Kamisu is alive. If you had to choose one, you would choose the latter.

<u>If both options are hard to believe, then you would choose the latter.</u>

It's a shame that I have to trick them, but sadly, only few are able to see the truth like me. <u>It's highly unlikely that anyone understands Reina-san like I do.</u>

I proceed to the final blow.

"Dear colleagues, my ideas must sound absurd to you, and I am aware of that. I would laugh it off as ridiculous if I was one of you.

"But ... it is the truth.

"All of you who are laughing at my words will be laughing out of the other side of your faces next week. Why? It's simple."

Yes, I understand Reina-san.

I know the answer.

I only need to give them a glimpse of the answer.



"Because next week, on the first day of July, Reina Kamisu will come back."



My speech turned out less successful than anticipated. The majority view seemed to be that my claims were too implausible, and because this became the mainstream, the people who actually believed me could no longer openly say so.

I don't think it was wrong to hold a speech. Actually, I'm positive that it was the best choice I could make. However, it seems like the world has become too science-oriented to leave room for the thought that someone could resurrect from the dead. Damn ... aren't men the ones who are supposed to only make logic decisions? Our society makes it hard to spread correct ideas. Even psychics who clearly have some sort of power are called fakes these days.

But I don't care.

I haven't failed.

It's true that the majority are fools who are unable to question Reina-san's death, but they're only the <u>majority</u>.

People who believe me, who believe in Reina Kamisu, may be the minority, but they do exist.



"I also thought that Reina-san is still alive! I was relieved to hear that I wasn't the only one who thought so!"

"That 'fuzzy feeling' you mentioned was really preying on my mind. You took a huge weight off my mind when you pointed it out to us and uncovered the truth behind it."

"Reina-san is still alive! There's no way she would die, is there?"

"I'm not entirely convinced ... but if you are so certain of it and even know when she's coming back, I want to try to believe you."

"I never believed that Reina-san was dead!"



People who said things like this appeared before me. 17 in number. Most of them were third-year students who inherently spent more time with Reina-san than the younger generation. 17 is not a large number compared to 500, but it's not so small, either, if you think of it as half a class.

<i>Is Reina-san going to appear again even with such a small number?</i> Though a little anxious, I decide to be optimistic.

I mean, Reina-san is much smarter than me. She must have foreseen that I would only be able to convince a small number of people even if I did my best. But most of all, the girls who believe in her "presence" are the ones who long for salvation so hard that they have no other choice but to believe in her "presence." Reina-san would never abandon them.

However, that doesn't mean that we can sit back and wait. Just thinking that Reina-san might still be alive is not going to bring about any progress.

What we need is unification. Unified prayer. We have to focus our prayers so strongly that they will reach Reina-san.

That is what has to be done to accomplish Reina-san's return.

In order to proceed to action, I told "the girls" who believe in Reina-san's "presence" to assemble at the Student Council Room after school. By the way, part of the student council, which also includes Anna, also believe in Reina-san's "presence."

It's unfortunate that I'm the only one who "knows" of Reina-san's "presence," but it's not a problem. I only have to guide "the girls" to this knowledge.

It's Thursday, the 29th of June. The first of July will be the day after tomorrow. Time is running out. I have to make sure that "the girls" will make a beeline for our goal without getting sidetracked by anything.



After we assembled at the Student Council Room, we had a long conversation. About Reina-san. About our devotion to Reina-san. About our selfless love for Reina-san. About our relation to Reina-san. About our need for Reina-san. About the importance of Reina-san. About how Reina-san feigned her death. About why Reina-san disappeared. About how Reina-san is going to affect us in the future. About how Reina-san's Reina-san is Reina-san and Reina-san can Reina-san with Reina-san to be Reina-san. Unfortunately, six of the initial seventeen members could not keep up and left our ranks, but the rest of us were able to talk about Reina-san without end. In this manner, we deepened our trust in Reina-san and synchronized with each other.

However, talking only about Reina-san does not suffice. If Reina-san were a diamond and you wanted to fascinate someone with it, you could preach about the diamond's beauty as long as you want and still achieve nothing. Fortunately, they are already fascinated by the diamond that is Reina-san, but still it doesn't suffice. "The diamond suits you!" "It makes you charming!" "You need it!" Similarly, by talking about <i>why</i> we need the diamond and <i>why</i> we have to be fascinated with it, we can strengthen our faith in Reina-san.

"Anna?"

I decide to start with Anna, the easiest target, because she's my classmate, my roommate, the secretary of the student council, and a cutter. Not only can I predict her answers, she is in dire need of Reina-san. She's also a perfect case for the others to listen to.

"Do you have those moments when you feel tired of living in this world?"

Her eyes widen as I pose an unexpected question. It's obvious how she will answer this.

While looking at the bandage on her wrist, she replies, "...All the time."

I nod as compassionately as possible. The other girls, who have been talking with each other, start to give us their attention.

"...Do you also feel like this sometimes, Sakura?"

"Sure," I answer.

"That's a little surprising."

"Do I not look like someone who would get tired of living?"

"Mhm. I mean, you're clever, flexible, and pretty. You ... are good at making your way, I guess? I thought that people like you don't think like that."

"Good at making my way ... huh? Perhaps you can say that. But what if that's exactly why I'm suffering?"

"...Huh?"

"I'm clever. I'm also popular enough to make it to the student council president, although I may have gotten backup from Reina-san. I know how to make my way. I'm a realist. Because of that, I was unable to believe in anything and also unable to depend on anything."

Talking about yourself first is a common trick to break the ice. It will unlock Anna's heart.

"I understand that you don't have it easy, either," Anna says and adds hesitantly, "...But does it really make you suffer?"

"It does! When you're a realist, you lose the ability to have dreams, you know? For instance, let's assume I wanted to become a writer. In that case, I would realize that it's futile before even trying. There are thousands and thousands of aspiring writers, but only a small fraction of them make it, and only another fraction is able to get by.

"Because of my position in the student council, I often find myself surveying all of our students from the stage. Almost five hundred. That's an overwhelming number! If only one of those five hundred received the talent of succeeding as a writer, how many lots would I have to draw? Do I have that talent right now? Of course not. I never was the best in anything."

"...Mhm."

"When you're a realist, you look up, and when you look up, you see an endless sky. Why would I have the privilege to go all the way to the top? How could I soar up into the sky when I'm currently crawling on the ground? Do you understand, Anna? This is the pain of being realistic."

"...I think I understand."

"Tragic things like child abuse, divorce and accidents aren't the only things that make us suffer. I think that it's the things close to us that really torment us."

Everyone nods in agreement. I know that they all feel discontent with something in their lives.

How should we be optimistic in a world where nothing ever works out? How should we have dreams when we can't even make it into the University of Tokyo, which counts more than 3000 admissions every year? If we earnestly tried to accomplish our dreams, all we would get is scoff at believing in skills we don't have. That's why we give up. Realistic thinking bereaves us of our future and makes us give up. This is how the world throws us into the abyss.

"What about you, Anna? What is tormenting you?"

Anna remains silent. Not because she doesn't want to answer, but because she doesn't know how to word it.

"...I often wonder why I'm living," she eventually says with her glance cast down. "Because it doesn't matter whether I'm alive or not."

"That's not true, Anna! I'd be sad if I lost you."

"Mhm, thanks. But ... that's it."

"What do you mean...?"

"You'd be sad and that's it. Or would my death follow you for your entire life? Would you mourn for me for the rest of you life?"

"I—"

Of course, I would be sad if Anna died. I would probably cry. But ... I don't know how long that sadness would last.

"If I died a shocking death, it might subsist as a trauma. If I died young, you might remember it for that. But in that case, you wouldn't remember me but only my 'death,' right? I'd only live on as a bad memory, which means that my value is negative.

For example, if I went missing, I'm sure you would be worried about me in the beginning, but after only a month you would hardly talk about me anymore, and after a year you would have forgotten me. I think that I don't mean much to all of you."

"That's not true!"

I'm aware that I sound a bit phony.

Of course I care about Anna. She's a good girl—the type who gets along with everyone. On the other side, in many senses you will never find a person of this type in the center of a group. In short, she's one of many. Anna is never the center.

"But Anna, listen ... if, for the sake of the argument, we wouldn't mourn for you so long, what about your family?"

Anna suddenly contorts her face.

Aah—looks like I put my foot in it.

I immediately realized it. The moment I saw her self-ironic　face when I said the word "family", I realized what her answer is.

The answer to my question is "no" and more importantly...

This is the cause for Anna's view on life.

"My family?" Anna sneers with her eyes cast down. "Even though I only have a father who hasn't exchanged a word with me for over a year?"

I couldn't ask about her mother. Nothing good would come of it.

"...Oh, why would anyone care about or understand me when even my family doesn't?"

No one understands her.

I would like deny that, but again, I can't.

It's a fact that her father did not come when she cut her wrist. Of course, she cut her wrist to show me her wound, but at the bottom of it is her family, her father who neglected her.

No one understands you.

Exactly.

The same applies to me: nobody understands me. People are so good at feigning understanding that I sometimes almost buy into it, but in the end, nobody ever understood me. Everyone always dismissed my worries as the wailing of a pubescent, spoiled girl.

Even though they were so defining to me.

Nobody understands my values and beliefs, and I don't understand the values and beliefs of anybody.

Therefore I'm sure I can't understand Anna, either.

"Aah—why do I live...?"

Anna is serious.

To Anna, who is in the firm belief that even her family lacks understanding for her, living can't be enjoyable. She must be wishing to disappear like melting snow. Just like me.

Will this sentiment ever disappear? Will we find ourselves doing some generic office work in our future, and giving birth to cute babies while experiencing twinges of emptiness from time to time? Is that what we will become to survive?

Just thinking about it makes me sick.

This thought is so realistic. So filthy.

We may have been foolish, but we were pure.

"Anna."

"Hm?"

"This sucks."

"Yeah, it does."

"This world sucks."

"It does."

"It's painful, right?"

"It's painful!"

"Do you want to be saved?"

"I want to be saved!"

"Do you want to see Reina-san?"

"I want to see Reina-san!"

Dear God, whether you exist or not.

We need salvation.

I demand of you to return Reina-san immediately.

"Reina-san is different from us," I say.

"Yes, she is different. She is incredibly pretty and perfect and I'm sure that there's a meaning to her life even if there's none to ours."

"Yes, I agree."

"...Yeah."

"Unlike us, she does not have any fixed definitions that predefine her life."

"Yeah."

"Then <u>how do we want to define Reina-san</u>?"

Anna and the others look up into space.

"Aah—"

—Their eyes start to twinkle.

"—I see now," Anna mutters. "Aah, I see ... I see!"

"You're right, Anna. Listen, everyone, you found the answer!"

There's no need to explain everything. There can't be a need to explain everything, otherwise it wouldn't be believable.

I only needed to lead their way to a sentiment they already have.

"Living is so painful to us, which is why ... Reina-san lives."

Reina-san is water.

She is sweet water that fulfills you the more desperate you are.

Reina-san bears a deep meaning just by existing.

A person like her—

"She can't be dead," someone says.

"Reina-san is alive," I assure with a nod. "And—she will appear on the first of July."

Ah, at last!

They all made it there.