Editing Toaru Majutsu no Index:Crossover Chapter 2 (section)

===Part 2===

When night fell on the fifth day of trudging along, irreconcilable differences rose to the surface between Kamijou Touma, Index, Misaka Mikoto, Quenser Barbotage, Heivia Winchell, the Zashiki Warashi, the Yuki Onna, Anzai Kyousuke, Higashikawa Mamoru, the bunny girl, Nanajou Kyouichirou, and the Killer Queen as they gathered around a makeshift campfire.

The situation could be summed up as follows:

“What do you mean you’re cooking the apples!? Are you the kind of person that eats pineapple with sweet-and-sour pork!?” (Heivia)

“We don’t have a fridge here, so the apples are all warm! They’ll taste a lot better if we go all the way and cook them!!” (Misaka Mikoto)

This might seem like a trivial argument, but a lot had built up on the way here. Anyone would end up that way after being forced to walk for five days straight with sleeping on the grass or hard ground as their only rest.

“I don’t understand why anyone would want to cook fruit. Fruit goes with shaved ice or ice cream, so why are you turning in the exact opposite direction?” (Nanajou Kyouichirou)

“Jam and apple pies use cooked fruit! There’s also chocolate bananas, candied apricots, and tons of other examples!!” (Index)

“And I don’t think it’s all that rare to cook fruit as-is in Europe. In England, they cook melon and serve it with chicken.” (Zashiki Warashi)

“Wait! Don’t bring up southern British food! I might respect their music, museums, and beautiful women, but I can never accept their food!” (Quenser)

“Hey, hey, hey! If we’re gonna fight over it, do we really need the apples at all? They’re the dessert, not the main dish, so they don’t matter that much, right?” (Kamijou Touma)



Meanwhile, an electronic chime filled the Baby Magnum’s cockpit.

The Princess shifted her hips in her seat to turn around, open the door to a microwave bolted to the wall, and pull out a cheeseburger.

When she opened the pull tab of a nicely chilled metal can, the carbonation quickly bubbled out due to vigorous movement of the Object. She brought her lips to the cold can just before the drink geysered out and drank it.

Once it settled down, she pressed the can against her forehead, took a bite from the cheeseburger poking out of the wrapping, and muttered to herself while chewing.

“So good.” (Princess)



Soon, the world-saving heroes exploded.

One of the branches in the fire burst.

“Ahh, if only the murderer in charge of freezing was wandering around here.” (Killer Queen)

“…” (Frozen Jinnai Shinobu)

“Ah! Come to think of it, we’ve got a Yuki Onna!! We can get her to freeze the apples or make a sherbet or whatever we want.” (Anzai Kyousuke)

“Don’t be ridiculous. Do you really think I would use my power for anything other than Jinnai Shinobu’s happiness?” (Yuki Onna)

“Can’t we let the people who want apples eat them and leave it at that? I’m really not that interested in them.” (Kamijou Touma)



In addition to the microwave, the Baby Magnum included a handheld game system and the kind of mini-fridge found in hospitals and hotels. An Object single-handedly supported one side of a war, so the condition of the Pilot Elite could have a dire effect on the battle.

So…

“Hmm. Why is there so much vanilla? I really feel like chocolate chip or mint today.” (Princess)

The Princess shoved aside the frozen foods blocking the way and observed the brand-name ice cream cups. Finally, she chose one and pulled out the small cup between her thumb and forefinger.

“Today’s dessert will be this limited-time-only cherry blossom ice cream.” (Princess)



Next, Armageddon arrived.

“I’ve had enough!! I’ll never be able to get along with her! Come to think of it, I didn’t like her from the very beginning!!” (Higashikawa Mamoru)

“Oh, is that so? Well, that’s just perfect. You haven’t forgotten that causality has been twisted to the point that I’ve been resurrected, have you!? Don’t think that your Ever-Victorious Challenger is going to save you forever!!” (Bunny Girl)

“Wait, wait, wait!! Why are you two really trying to kill each other!? I-in that case, how about we divide up the apples and only cook half of them?” (Kamijou Touma)

“Take a side or shut up!!!!!” (Everyone Else)



A Pilot Elite’s special suit was perfectly skintight, but it had a zipper running from the throat down to the navel.

Inside the Baby Magnum’s cockpit, the Princess pulled out a military item known as a wash towel. Simply put, it was a combination of an antibacterial wipe and a soothing powder soap.

Despite all the effort that went into its development, it was a fantastical item not issued to the normal soldiers. In the purely natural environment of a desert or jungle, a well-trained nose could pick up the scent of shaving gel from five hundred meters away and a military dog’s accuracy was even higher. Using soap or shampoo in those conditions could literally be a deadly mistake.

However, that was not a problem from inside armor powerful enough to withstand a nuke.

Because of all that, the wash towel was known in the military as a “handheld bath”, a “euro-note towel”, or an “officer’s luxury”.

It was not as nice as soaking in a proper bath, but being able to clean one’s body had a great influence on their mental and physical condition.

The Princess also set her chair’s massage feature to “low” and stuck a hand in her special suit to wipe away the sweat.

Meanwhile, she muttered to herself with a blank look in her eyes.

“Viva relaxation.” (Princess)



A tremendous roar filled the air.

Kamijou, Quenser, Anzai Kyousuke, Nanajou Kyouichirou, and the rest of the boys were knocked to the ground with their butts sticking into the air like human chairs.

“A-aren’t the girls on the pro-cooked apples side a little too powerful?” (Heivia)

“The Railgun and Killer Queen are raising the average too much. A-and they also have those Youkai who can ignore any physical attacks.” (Quenser)

“W-wait a second. Cough. Why are you throwing me in with them?” (Kamijou Touma)

For that matter, Shinobu had already been thoroughly silenced inside his ice coffin, but even he was flipped upside down and skewered into the ground.

Meanwhile, Misaka Mikoto stood tall and brushed the dust from her hands.

“That takes care of that.” (Misaka Mikoto)

“We’re going to take a bath, but make sure those apples are cooked by the time we’re back.” (Zashiki Warashi)

After receiving a beating like that, the world-saving heroes were searching for some cruel way to get their revenge.

At the same time, a god arrived on a white horse to check on them.

“What happened while I was gone? Is that bearded head god spreading war among the humans again?” (Waltraute)

“Hey, the caravan guys are right over there. We might be able to find some rare snacks!” (Boy)

However, the other boys were not about to let that peaceful topic calm their hearts.

“(That doesn’t matter!! What am I supposed to do about this anger boiling in my heart? How about we go peep on them as they bathe!?)” (Anzai Kyousuke)

“(No, wait! Wait, comrade!!)” (Quenser)

“(What? There’s no reason to start acting clever now!)” (Higashikawa Mamoru)

“(That isn’t what I meant. That ‘Kyah! Pervert! Zap, zap!’ would only last a moment, but we’d end up roasted black. We need to resist for now and secretly move onward!! We can’t go with the cliché! If we want our revenge, we need an absolute victory that has a permanent effect!!)” (Quenser)

“(What’s this, Quenser? Did you have another brilliant idea in the face of disaster!?)” (Heivia)

“(Just watch. First, let’s go visit that caravan. We might be able to start a revolution with their lineup.)” (Quenser)

“(Okay, let’s do this! This is our only chance to act and we have six world-saving main characters working together. That has to be enough to take at least one step outside the normal punchline!!)” (Nanajou Kyouichirou)

“(Eh!? Since when am I part of your group!?)” (Kamijou Touma)

With that, the losers from the anti-cooked apples group made their way to the caravan. It was made up of several large carriages pulled by four horses each. Based on what they could communicate through gestures, it seemed the caravan had just completed a large trade and was on the way back to the city, so they only had scraps of cloth and broken clasps left over. None of it was useful for anything more than kindling.

“We don’t have any money, so what are we supposed to do?” (Anzai Kyousuke)

“Sell the apples. They caused all this anyway.” (Heivia)

The boys completed the trade and acquired the scraps of cloth and broken clasps, but what were they to do with them?

It was Quenser Barbotage, technical mastermind, who answered that question.

“Hey, Heivia. It’s time we put our stealth skills to full use. We need to approach the bathing girls like we’re sneaking into an enemy Object’s maintenance base.” (Quenser)

“What? So after all that, we’re just going to peep?” (Heivia)

“No, we’re gonna hide their clothes.” (Quenser)

“You’re really taking it to the next level, aren’t you!?” (Nanajou Kyouichirou)

“But if we do, they’ll have no choice but to use the change of clothes we prepare for them. We may only have scraps of cloth and broken clasps here, but a little work can transform them into something nice. For example, we can make up for the fantasy that’s been so sorely lacking here by making bikini armor, a seashell swimsuit, or something along those lines!!” (Quenser)

A lightning-like effect ran through their surroundings.

<strike>The usual RPG Item Mixing event had arrived.</strike>

However, Kamijou Touma alone remained rational.

“Wait, wait, wait. We can’t do that! If we do, they really, really will kill us this time.” (Kamijou Touma)

“…” (Everyone Else)

“Huh? It’s just me? I’m the only one with any sense left!? Stop this! It’s definitely a bad idea! Biri Biri is gonna cook us at least medium rare!!” (Kamijou Touma)

However, the world-saving heroes used this pointless opportunity to join forces. <strike>With the intensity of the latter half of Chapter 4,</strike> they attacked the pointy-haired boy head-on and then got down to planning.



Eventually, someone noticed something was wrong.

“Hm? Huh!? My uniform isn’t where I left it!” (Misaka Mikoto)

“My clothes are gone, too.” (Index)

“There weren’t any monkeys like at a hot spring, so I think we know exactly who did this.” (Zashiki Warashi)

They found some other clothes folded up not far away.

When they unfolded them, they found scraps of cloth that would fit right alongside the phrase “please do not touch the dancers”.

“Those boys!!” (Killer Queen)

As the killing specialist filled with rage, a male voice reached them from beyond a thicket.

“Hi, hi. You were getting upset with how dirty your clothes were, weren’t you? A caravan happened to be passing by, so we bought some new clothes for you. And this is a fantasy world, so apparently bikini armor and nude capes are perfectly normal here.” (Quenser)

“Quit playing dumb!!” (Misaka Mikoto)

“But we can’t exactly argue that it isn’t normal in this world. We haven’t seen a human village here yet.” (Yuki Onna)

“E-either way, this isn’t acceptable! We don’t have to follow the local rules, so we can just wear our original clothes.” (Index)

“Wow. I don’t know why, but today’s fire is really burning good.” (Heivia)

The girls’ faces grew entirely pale.

Even with the thicket blocking a direct view, the light of the fire was notably brighter than normal. A roaring campfire was nice, but what was it burning?

Hint: What is missing?

“Ahhh!! Did you burn our clothes!?” (Bunny Girl)

“I really feel like killing you right now, but I don’t want to head out like this either.” (Zashiki Warashi)

“Do we have to make a…small sacrifice here?” (Misaka Mikoto)

The girls spread out their prepared clothes on the ground once more and checked on their tragic composition.

It was a mystery how the boys had known, but they were sized perfectly. That gave them no choice but to wear what was prepared for them.

The situation was as follows:

Index → Equipped: Nude Cape (Blue)

Misaka Mikoto → Equipped: Bikini Armor (Red)

Zashiki Warashi → Equipped: Tropical Leaf Swimsuit (Green)

Yuki Onna → Equipped: Impish Bondage Bikini (Black)

Bunny Girl → Equipped: Bunny Suit (White)

Killer Queen → Equipped: Dancer (Gold)

After donning the clothing and blushing bright red at how ridiculous it all was, Misaka Mikoto sent bluish-white sparks scattering from her bangs.

“Okay, time to turn every last one of them to charcoal!!” (Misaka Mikoto)

“Wait. Why am I still in a bunny suit?” (Bunny Girl)

“Maybe they thought your outfit was perfect already and decided not to fix what wasn’t broken.” (Zashiki Warashi)



After learning their revenge had been a success, Quenser Barbotage held his sides and beat the ground.

“Ah ha ha ha ha ha!! Success! Success! Now this is feeling more like- dbgshah!?” (Quenser)

“I’m throwing!! Every single one of you!! Into that fire!!” (Misaka Mikoto)

“Wait, wait, Misaka-chan, wait! That wouldn’t just be medium rare! That would be a failed attempt at well done!! And besides, I stood in harm’s way to protect you from this!!” (Kamijou Touma)

“And can someone explain why I’m the only one with the unintelligent-looking warrior-type outfit!?” (Misaka Mikoto)

“Again, it wasn’t me! And if you look back at how you act on a daily basis, the best job for you is the 0 MP gorilla-type that-…no, wait!! Don’t throw me in the fire!!” (Kamijou Touma)

Incidentally, Index’s habit was known as the Walking Church and was one-of-a-kind, so it seemed like burning it would cause some problems down the road. However, it would all work out somehow or another. <strike>Distortions in causality and the timeline could accomplish anything.</strike>