Editing Toaru Majutsu no Index:GT Volume11 Chapter1 (section)

===Part 3===

Hell continued on and on.

They kept trudging along.

The place was apparently shaped like a bowl, but how many levels did it have in all? The clear jigsaw puzzle-like pieces of CRC’s miniature model were still clinking against each other without fitting together, so they could see the overall shape but not their exact position.

“Phew.”

After walking for a while, an odd thought occurred to Kamijou.

Hell was a dark, unpleasant place crawling with dangerous monsters. But when he just stood there, he didn’t feel any strong rejection to being there, like the intense pain or suffering of being in a fire or underwater.

He more felt an emptiness or blandness.

He had a vague idea staying here for too long would be a bad idea, but there were times when he wondered if coming to stop was really such a big problem.

If there was no immediate danger, was there any need to hurry on like this?

“Not wanting to die is a perfectly normal thing for living people,” said Rosencreutz as he walked nimbly alongside Kamijou. “That is because their instincts bind them there as long as they remain alive. Like the proverbial drowning man grasping at straws, their instincts will generally overpower their rational mind. Even if they have no dreams or hopes for the future, everyone knows dying is painful and frightening. So even without a reason to live, they will not want to die. Living people are fixed in that state.”

“Fixed?”

“Indeed. But the same is not true of the dead,” continued CRC, viewing a few unsteady shadows passing by in the darkness up ahead. “Because once they lose their life, they are freed from the bonds – the instincts – of life. Boy, do you have a dream for the future? Or a hope? Now that you are dead, you cannot rely on the ordinary instincts of a living being. Which means if you are to live, you must find an answer with your rational mind.”

“You mean…?”

“You can no longer rely on the lazy delaying factor of ''not dying simply because you do not want to die''. Your values and definitions have changed since you were alive. For the dead, being dead is the default state, so it is a very painful thing to wish strongly to return to life ''no matter what it might take''. You must find a purpose equally strong to the purposes that motivate the living to accept death.”

Before, he hadn’t died because he hadn’t wanted to die.

To overcome that required the willpower to sit down below the water and keep yourself there until your breathing stopped and death arrived.

Now, he didn’t live because he didn’t want to live.

How much willpower would it require to overcome that?

Was the pain and suffering of fighting his current “state of being” what Kingsford had meant by making a jailbreak from hell?

“…”

Kamijou stopped breathing.

Nothing felt wrong.

It wasn’t pleasant. He felt the pain of not breathing, but nothing more than that. He wasn’t afraid. He felt like he could keep doing this indefinitely as long as he didn’t decide to stop.

Did he have a powerful enough purpose?

Did he have a dream for the future? Did he have any hopes he wanted to ensure came true? Of course he wasn’t going to find anything like that. He was a 1st year in high school, so he wouldn’t be preparing for college or trying to find a job anytime soon.

He had always thought he didn’t want to die.

But he had accepted death to save Alice Anotherbible.

He had pushed himself to the limit.

And he really had died.

…It all made perfect sense. So what was there to complain about? Sure, dying was normally considered a painful thing, but he had taken that journey to accomplish what had to be done. And he had done it. So why should he keep fighting, keep struggling, and cling to the material world now that he was a ghost or a soul?

Attachment?

:Regrets?

::Or a grudge even?

Did he really have something like that in his heart?

“Oh, dear. It seems this bland hell has affected you faster than I 💭.”

“Affected?”

“🎯.”

Kamijou frowned and Kingsford nodded without turning toward him.

She spoke casually.

“That is how hell works. It removes one’s regrets about and ⛓️ to the world of the living so they will eternally wander this world of punishment. Thus, what you are feeling was ❌ born within you. You must ❌ let this false resignation deceive you. That is only the great device known as hell externally manipulating you. In a most efficient and effective manner.”

“But…”

Kamijou was hesitant to speak.

Like he was ashamed by the emptiness within him.

“Rosencreutz was right. You will normally grasp at straws when drowning. Because you can’t breath. But what if you don’t breath? Do you need to grasp at the straws then? If you can remain below the water without issue, why would you need to swim up to the distant surface? I am dead. That’s a fact. I have no dreams for the future. I can’t think of any reason why I would want to go to such lengths to come back to life.”

“❌.”

Kamijou himself couldn’t come up with anything, but Kingsford had an answer immediately.

An expert never made mistakes.

“You do, Kamijou Touma. You must clench your 🦷, crawl through the mud, and do whatever else it takes to escape hell and return to the world of the living. You have an all too obvious reason.”

“?”

Kamijou didn’t understand.

Anna Kingsford pointed her index finger to the side and moved it in a circle.

What kind of trick was she using?

A girl sat below a spotlight there. A silver-haired green-eyed girl in a white nun’s habit with gold embroidery decorating it like a fancy teacup.

What had that expert just done!?

“Wha-? That’s…Index?”

Kamijou’s eyes widened, but Christian Rosencreutz simply looked bored. Apparently this wasn’t worthy of surprise for another expert.

“Hmph. ''Made a connection,'' did you? But it’s only a pinhole.”

“Well, yes. The Qliphoth is a 🗺️ of the entire realm of 👻s and curses, but it is also an access route from hell to earth.”

That didn’t explain much for Kamijou.

But below the unseen surface, some kind of rules and laws must have fit together. Hell hadn’t counted this as a violation, but it sure seemed like a cheat or a loophole to Kamijou.

More importantly, that was Index.

Kamijou and Rosencreutz’s presence made sense – they were dead. But what was she doing here? Hadn’t Kingsford said this was hell – a destination for the dead!?

“Index!!”

“She can ❌ hear you. This is much like 👁️ing out through your front 🚪’s peephole.”

“Also, she isn’t here. You’re only spying on another territory located far from here. The world is made up of countless overlapping phases, but the distance between each phase is unimaginably great.”

“This is a different place. If you wish to open the 🚪 to meet her, you must first escape from this hell.”

“…”

Index wasn’t in hell.

That was a relief, at least.

He hesitantly reached out for her slender shoulder with his right hand, but stopped partway through the action. He didn’t know whether or not he still had Imagine Breaker, but negating this image of Index would be more than his heart could bear.

Maybe it was only an image, but he had finally seen Index again.

After he wasn’t even able to say goodbye.

“Touma…”

It felt like forever since he had heard that voice.

He relished the sound for just a moment. Because he had thought he would never hear it again.

But…

“Why did you have to die?”

He froze.

Index was seated on the ground and didn’t raise her head.

She looked anything but happy.

But wait.

Kamijou could accept his own death, but what did this mean for Index? She had been living in his dorm room. So had Othinus. He hadn’t seen Anna Sprengel since that time in the hospital, but she hadn’t even had a temporary place to stay.

And this wasn’t limited to the magic side.

He also had friends on the science side – in Academy City.

“How could I just let him die like that? And I call myself Academy City’s #3? I never even thanked that idiot. Not even for saving all my sisters!!”

This time, the image was of Misaka Mikoto.

She was hanging her head and her voice had no strength to it.

And it wasn’t just that special Level 5. He should have started the third school term like normal after the final day of winter break, but now he wouldn’t be able to see any of his classmates.

What about New Board Chairman Accelerator? He had directed all of Academy City’s forces against CRC because he bet on Kamijou winning. He had apparently been defeated by Trismegistus and taken out of the fight when Alice arose as a threat afterwards, but he had still bet on the city prevailing. He had trusted the rest of the city could solve the problem without him.

How had all that turned out in the end?

“We were classmates. Of course I just assumed you’d be here. …What do you mean I can never see you ever again, Kami-yan?”

“Everyone, please gather in the gym first thing that day. Sob. We will be heading out to the funeral afterwards, so the opening ceremony is going to take up the full half day.”

The mood in the classroom was bleak.

One desk stood out from the rest by having no one sitting in it.

Those classmates were seeing each other for the first time since before the break. They had to have plenty they wanted to share, but not one of them was smiling. They were all turning emotionless eyes toward the empty seat.

“…”

This wasn’t right.

Kamijou had an extremely bad feeling. Like realizing he had buttoned his shirt up wrong. Or like he had turned in a test with supreme confidence, but then couldn’t remember if he had actually written his name on it.

He was satisfied with his death.

But…had he actually thought that through?

And.

And.

And.

The last person to appear in the spotlight was Alice Anotherbible. The girl who had used herself as the ingredients to remake herself. The girl Kamijou had risked his one and only life to save.

But something wasn’t right.

Her head was lowered. Her shoulders were slumped. She wasn’t looking out ahead. Left all alone in an uninteresting world, she couldn’t bring herself to go anywhere.

What had happened to her?

“Al-”

But Kamijou Touma couldn’t speak to her.

Just before he tried, she whispered to herself.

“Teacher died.”

Kamijou’s shoulders shook.

He froze in place.

Her voice was void of all emotion. She sounded worn down. Like her life, her soul, or some other intangible something had critically worn away. She seemed in an even worse state than Kamijou who had wound up in hell.

Something felt intensely wrong to Kamijou.

He had made the right choice…he thought.

He had saved Alice.

He had seen no option except to sacrifice his life.

And he had succeeded, hadn’t he?

Yet he couldn’t shake the feeling.

He looked back at his choice over and over, confirming he had done the right thing, but the anxiety wouldn’t leave him.

He felt like he had missed some crucial fact, like he thought he had followed the bungee jump instructor’s directions flawlessly, but then, just before he jumped, he saw the other end of his lifeline dangling down, not connected to anything.

“The girl killed him. She shouldn’t have hoped he would save her. If only she hadn’t thought about making up with him. If the girl didn’t exist, none of this would have happened.”

She burned with resentment.

But it wasn’t directed at Kamijou who had died and left the stage, satisfied.

That girl was pure, innocent, and honest.

So.

That resentment was directed entirely at Alice Anotherbible.

She could no longer forgive herself.

“It’s all the girl’s fault. She is a murderer. …The girl wishes she had never been born.”

There wasn’t even noise.

Only an endless span of pure silence.

“No…”

Kamijou was trembling.

He couldn’t believe what he had just seen.

“No!! Are you kidding me with this!? This isn’t what I gave up my life to see! Was it all a waste…? I sacrificed my life and it still wasn’t enough!? I mean, Alice did nothing wrong. I chose to sacrifice my life. I’m satisfied with my choice. So why should Alice blame herself!?”

“But your 🗣️ can ❌ reach her.”

With that simple statement, Kingsford shook her head.

“If you look at just the objective and mechanical facts, Alice Anotherbible gave a ☠️ly wound to Kamijou Touma. …That is the whole of it. She ☠️ed you. The truth has a way of being omitted. Without you there to 💬 it was your strong willpower that burned away your life, the feelings behind the event have no way of reaching anyone. They can ❌ reach the 🌍 at large which burns with misguided accusations and they can ❌ reach little Alice who you tried to save.”

“But…”

“As things are, the mechanical fact that Alice Anotherbible ☠️ed Kamijou Touma is all that will remain. There is ❌ time. And if she accepts the plain and simple abbreviation as the truth, Alice herself will be crushed under its weight. She will believe she is a ☠️er who is ❌ allowed happiness. She will 🪤 herself in that mistaken definition and reduce her own value.”

“…”

“''Do you want to 👁️ her carry the burden of your ☠️ and choose for herself to fall? A meaningless fall taking her all the way to these depths?''”

Of course not.

It was so easy for the one who died.

He could experience satisfaction in his accomplishment and die. End of story.

But what about the one who killed him?

Was it easier for the victim or the killer? Kamijou had no way of determining that. But at the very least, Kamijou Touma was the satisfied victim while Alice had been made into the killer against her will. He didn’t even need to wait for Kingsford to say more. Why had he been so smugly certain he had saved her all on his own? This wasn’t right at all!!

What exactly had he done?

He had discovered a girl who had been wandering for so long, unable to seek out help. But instead of saving her, he had bloodied her hands and placed the crime of murder on her head.

That wasn’t her crime.

It had been Kamijou’s plan.

He had made the choice all on his own. She had never agreed to any of it.

So…

So why did she have to be crushed by his selfish actions!?

Anna Kingsford was always correct.

Which was why she was known as an expert.

“What will you do?”

“…”

A dull thud rang out.

Kamijou Touma had slammed his right fist into his own cheek.

The boy used the back of his hand to wipe the taste of blood from his lips.

For the living, being alive was the default state. For the dead, being dead was the default state. A dead person trying to force themselves back to life required just as much willpower as a living person keeping themselves underwater until they drowned.

That was probably true.

Kamijou had no job he wanted in the future and no dream he wanted to achieve. He didn’t even know if he wanted to get a job after high school or continue on to college.

But this was wrong.

It was wrong.

“Are you kidding me?”

He had done everything he could to save Alice Anotherbible, the girl who had wandered the wide world all alone and decided to destroy it all. He had accepted that maybe he had no choice but to lose his one and only life to accomplish that goal.

But what if it didn’t end with his death?

What if he hadn’t actually saved anyone?

What if his death had been wasted, or even made things worse? What if his final choice had only dragged Alice even deeper down toward the depths of hell?



Then he had to start by destroying that illusion.



Kamijou Touma clenched his right fist as hard as he could.

He raised his lowered head to stare straight ahead. So he could accurately view the exit from hell.

He felt real strength once more.