Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Shizuka Wakui (section)

===5===
I told Reina Kamisu that I would follow her.

She welcomed me with open arms, seeming very happy about my decision. Of course, one reason for her delight is the raise in effectiveness, but I think she's also happy about finally having a companion in her sheer endless fight.

I don't know how long she's been fighting so far, but purging one humanoid energy after another (which keep increasing in the meanwhile) is like collecting the sand of a desert grain by grain.

I see. Maybe she's been waiting for a person like me who could help her save the world. No, she's still waiting. If the number of people helping her keeps increasing, then saving the world will stop being a pipe dream.

I look around in my room.

This will be the last time I'm here; deep emotion fills my heart. While it's not a cool room—with furniture like a dresser from my mom and things like a weird doll—but here I laughed and cried and laughed and cried.

Should I leave a letter to my parents and Kazuaki? ...No, they would confuse it for my last words or something. Although that might be true in their eyes.

I open the lock of the topmost drawer of my desk and take out a cross choker.

Reina Kamisu told me that I would need to put on something very dear to me. When I asked for the reason, she explained that I needed a token of regret. I could see that I might accidentally get trapped on the other side of the world unless there was something chaining me to this side. In order to become like Reina, I'll probably need something like that.

I put on the choker.

I won't waver anymore.

I walk down the stairs and put on my shoes at the entrance.

"Shizuka, where are you going?" my mom asks from the kitchen without showing up.

"Just a bit far away."

With these words, I open the door.



By now, humanoid energies and humans look almost the same to me but I can still discern them somehow. Those energies have no aim or destination, so they practically stay put at one place; they mumble things even though they're alone, and while they're talking to themselves, their facial expressions do not change a bit.

Coming across several humanoid energy-like beings, I head to the place she's waiting.

<i>{Why did you throw me away, Takeshi! You told me you loved me!}</i>

<i>{I don't have any friends. I don't need to live.}</i>

<i>{Had I not gazed after that hot school girl, neither I nor the family driving the other car would have had to die. What an idiotic accident!}</i>

Among them was one of a middle-aged man:

<i>{Why did you fire me! What did I do wrong!}</i>

Apparently, he had killed himself after losing his job.

"Hello," I said, for the first time addressing a humanoid energy. Suicide after failing in one's job life is not that uncommon, but his face somewhat resembled that of my dad.

<i>{You can... see me?}</i>

"I can. I can also hear you."

<i>{I see... You shouldn't talk with me. Or perhaps... there's no harm to a young lady like you?}</i>

"I'm sure there's none. Our values are way too different."

<i>{Values, you say... In other words, you think the reason why I committed suicide seems cheap and cliched to you?}</i>

"Kind of. I mean, you'll just get less income if you're fired, and that's it, right?"

The middle-aged humanoid energy looked at me sorrowfully. No, he (?) had a sorrowful look glued to his face all the time.

<i>{It's not that simple, young lady.}</i>

"What's not so simple then?"

<i>{I'm bad at explaining things, so I won't be able to convince you, but work was everything to me. Despite that, I was told to be of no use for the company. Do you see what I mean?}</i>

"I do, but I'm not convinced after all."

<i>{I guess so. But there's one thing that I want you to understand: there's no place for old men like me. Not even in the family I was supposed to feed. Nevertheless, I firmly believed that I was needed, that I was a gear in the family that was the company I worked at.}</i>

"But you didn't stay one of its gears."

<i>{Exactly. And I wasn't able to become part of anything else.}</i>

"I think I understood more or less. Still... I think ending one's life because of that is stupid."

He lowered his gaze somewhat and answered,

<i>{Yes... maybe you're right.}</i>

I think I then spotted a faint smile in his face.

And he swirled left and right.



"As I thought. You died, didn't you?"

<i>{What do you mean...?}</i>

I found <i>him</i>.

"Don't you remember me?"

<i>{I don't...}</i>

I should have known; humanoid energies are the core of our energy, and as such only possess the most crucial of memories.

"When you were alive, you once bumped into me when you came rushing out of our psychiatrist's room."

<i>{I see... sorry.}</i>

"Oh, I don't mind. By the way, what's your name?"

<i>{Atsushi Kogure...}</i>

"I see, Atsushi-kun it is."

<i>{What's your name...?}</i>

"My name? I'm Shizuka Wakui."

<i>{What business do you have with me, Shizuka-san?}</i>

"None, actually... if anything, I felt a bit nostalgic."

<i>{I see... Would you please leave me alone, then?}</i>

"How cold. Hm... Okay, then may I ask you one thing?"

<i>{You may... but I won't be able to answer you because I can't remember anything.}</i>

"Really? I'll ask anyway. You bumped into me—I told you that, right?"

<i>{Yes...}</i>

"<u>What again were you shouting when you rushed out of the room?</u>"

His eyes widen at once. I'm taken by surprise—humanoid energies do not change their expressions.

<i>{I don't know.}</i>

That's a lie. After all, he's putting way more emphasis into his words than before.

<i>{I don't know!}</i> he shouts, apparently sensing my doubt.

Atushi-kun said no more after that.



After changing trains a few times, I finally get off the train at the nearest station from a certain lake I've looked up beforehand.

During the travel, I was once again reminded of the omnipresence of humanoid energies. I fear the world could turn over any moment.

Spotting a group of carefree school girls, I feel a bit jealous of them. They don't have to see any of this and don't have to know how thin the ice is that we're on. The balance is as fragile as doing a triple Axel in an ice rink with ultra-thin ice.

After confirming the position of the lake on a map hung up at the station, I head to my destination.

As I walk, I recall Reina's words.

<i>"Water works perfectly because it's connected all over the world."</i>

In order to find a lake that fit the bill, I had to bring myself to google for 'places to commit suicide'.

I mean, 'suicide'...? Heck, it's not like I'm going to die.

After a 40-minute walk, I arrive at the lake. I could have used a taxi (I won't have to care about money from now on, after all) but I didn't want to cause any bothersome misunderstandings.

"You're late."

Reina was there first, waiting for me with an absurdly beautiful smile.

"I'm sorry."

But I could come here whenever I wanted, no? You didn't tell me where I had to go, after all.

I gaze at the lake before me.

Ah, I see. No wonder it's become infamous as a place for suicide. What a huge number of humanoid energies. In fact, there's so many of them, that they have mingled into beings with an entirely different shape. It's like on of those old paintings of Youkais. Several heads are extending toward me, observing me closely. They look a bit like grapes to me, with the heads being the grapes.

I see. With there being so many of them, there is a wavelength for any person who comes here, drawing them into death. Of course, the people who come here do so with the intent of committing suicide; but actually ending one's life isn't so easy. The fear and attachment to life that surfaces when facing death helps prevent suicide.

However, in the case of this lake, <u>it's already too late once they've come here.</u>

The humanoid energies exploit the hollow hearts of the suicidal visitors, shorting their reasonable thinking and drawing them into death.

"Shizuka, there are several places like this in the world."

"And we have to get rid of those places one by one, right?"

"Mmm," she shakes her head, "that's impossible."

"Why...?"

"It's as simple as the problem of many against few. We have too little power. Once a place has turned into this, it's beyond purification."

I look at 'them' again.

I see. Having mixed together, complementing each other, they have turned into a monster. Should I try to step in and erase them, they will take me in as well and still try to regain their former shape. A mechanism that's much alike a black hole formed in this place.

<u>This place can't be purged anymore.</u>

"Ah—"

I see now. I understand everything.

This is it. <u>This is what happens when our side of the world turns over.</u>

Our proportional relation in power is negated on this side, and thus <u>we get taken in by them</u>. Our souls get devoured, our bodies become hollow and decay. That's the outcome we're steering towards.

"...We must stop these places from increasing, right?"

"Yes", Reina nods in response to my realization. "That's our mission."

I scowl at the monster in front of us. All of those grape-like beings are void of expression yet hostile.

They are—<u>my enemy</u>.

I press my cross choker tightly.

"Reina, one last thing."

"...One <i>last</i> thing?" she smiles.

"...You're right. It's only just starting."

"It is! So, what do you want to know?"

"You said that everyone has a certain role, right?"

"I did, yes."

"That it's my role to save the world," I add.

"Right. Only the chosen ones can do that."

"So, I was chosen because I obtained my power."

And—

"—<u>I obtained this power because of that incident.</u>"

Reina nods with a smile.

Yeah, I see. I see now.

It never made sense to me: Why did I have to suffer so much? I was by no means a saint, of course, but I think I lived humbly enough to earn myself a ticket to heaven. So why did that incident happen to me of all people? It never made sense.

Of course, reality bares its teeth against anyone—without any consideration but with deadly poison in its teeth.

Yet, I helplessly failed to understand why it happened to me.

But now I can say with conviction:

Yes, there was a reason why I had to suffer so much.

It's simple—

—It was necessary in order to save the world.

"You're right, Shizuka," she says with a warm smile. "<u>Those were obstacles imposed on you so that you could fulfill your mission!</u>"

Right! I found the truth!

I mean, it wouldn't be fair otherwise. It would be unfair if I were the only one so unlucky.

After all, <u>if there wasn't a proper meaning in that incident, my suffering would have been all for naught.</u>

"Yeah, then let's go, Reina! Let the game begin!"

"Yeah!"

Right, there's no reason to waver anymore.

I only have to muster up some courage and jump into the lake—

It's time to go to my new stage—

As I hold my cross choker, I jum—

"——Ah—"

As—I—hold—my—choker—



Someone's, Voice.



<i>—TSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—</i>



Scars.

Flesh.

White dress.


<i>"—None."</i>


Cryingshizuka.


<i>"—There is none!"</i>


<i>—TSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—</i>


<i>"Here... a Christmas present."</i>

<i>"Oh! Thanks, Kazuaki! May I open it?"</i>

<i>"Sure."</i>

<i>"Wow! That's beautiful! But wasn't it expensive?"</i>

<i>"N-Not that much."</i>

<i>"Isn't that a diamond in the center of this crucifix?"</i>

<i>"Yeah, it is..."</i>

<i>"Hey, then it <b>was</b> expensive after all, you bragger!"</i>

<i>"S-Shut up... let me show off a bit!"</i>


<i>—TSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—</i>


<i>"Why did it happen to me of all people? Why?"</i>

<i>"Is there a meaning in this?"</i>


<i>—TSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—</i>


I wouldn't stop crying.

Kazuaki wouldn't stop looking sad.

<i>"Why did it happen to me of all people? Why?"</i>

<i>"Is there a meaning in this?"</i>

I lamented like this, bothering him, until he finally opened his mouth, and squeezed out:


<i>"—None."</i>

<i>"—There is none!"</i>

<i>"There is no reason, Shizuka! If anything, it's because your attackers couldn't handle their sexual drive. You happened to come across them, and you happened to look good enough to them. But that's not the reason you want, is it?"</i>

<i>"Reality treats saints and sinners all alike, attacking them mechanically, randomly, without any consideration and selection. You have to accept that, Shizuka."</i>

Reality treats saints and sinners all alike, attacking them mechanically, randomly, without any consideration and selection.

Right, now I remember—

That wasn't originally my own belief—

It was just Kazuaki's honest and true opinion.


<i>—TSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—</i>


"What's wrong, Shizuka?" the absurdly beautiful girl asks me.

My choker is all wet with my sweat.

"Reina Kamisu—"

"Yes...?"


"Who are you?"


Reina Kamisu holds her breath.

"...What's it all of a sudden?" she asks.

"<u>Those were obstacles imposed on me so that I could fulfill my mission</u>."

"...What about it?"

"What about it, you ask? Don't play dumb! As if that could be true!"


"<u>As if a reason would just pop up so conveniently!</u>"


Losing her tongue, Reina Kamisu just gazes at me in a baffled manner.

"I understood everything. I sought a reason. A reason for my suffering. That's why I came up with the logic of those humanoid energies and tried to find refuge there."

She listens silently to me.

"Everyone else knew that I was trying to escape from reality. Be it Mihara-sensei or Kazuaki, or all of them. They knew I was escaping. After all, my logic only makes sense to myself. Yet, yet why is it—"


"—Why is it that you can understand me!"


"That's strange! Why does someone like you, Reina Kamisu, just show up so overly conveniently to confirm my theory? I didn't fully believe in it until you showed up, right? Why... why did you appear so—"

"Well," she begins. "Because that's what you wanted, Shizuka," she says, slightly skewing her lips. "You sought an existence like me. A third person who would turn your delusions into reality. <u>Given the name of Reina Kamisu</u>."

Reina Kamisu smiles. With a smile so beautiful it can't really exist.

Finally, I recall—what Atsushi Kogure has shouted when he rushed out of our psychiatrist's room.

And Atsushi-kun—

—is no more.

"Ah...ah..."

I hold my cross choker tightly.

Help me. Help me, Kazuaki.

"D-Do you intend to kill me?"

She looks at me with surprise when I ask so.

"Why would I?" she counters.

"I-I mean, <u>it's true that you drove the students of the Shikura middle school into suicide, isn't it?</u>"

She lifts her hand to her chin and replies after a short pause, "Perhaps."

"...Perhaps?"

"I didn't actually do anything."

"That's just not—"

"Not true? How about you, then?" she suddenly asks.

"Huh?"

"Would you be able to live on if I disappeared now?"

Ah—

I see what she means.

Reina is a phenomenon.

Just a phenomenon.

Sooner or later, we notice that she's not true, and then we lose her.

<u>Once we lose the support that Reina is to us, we collapse all by ourselves.</u>

"...Then stay by my side!"

"I'm always by your side. As long as you don't close your eyes from me, I'll always be with you. But... <u>can you accept me when I'm only a phenomenon?</u>"

With these words, Reina Kamisu vanished.

No, she didn't vanish. I simply dismissed her as something that could not exist.



Reina Kamisu is always <b>here</b>.



I stand alone by the lake.

I stand alone, without a reason for my suffering.

I stand alone, still suffering.



Suddenly, I recall an earlier thought of mine.

—<i><u>it's already too late once you've come here</u>.</i>

I raise my head to look at the lake.

Alright—

A monster with tens and hundreds of faces is waiting for me.




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