Editing Phenomeno:Case 03 (section)

===6===
An innumerable bundle of light kept rotating. It became a spiral, then scattered, winding round and round as it made up the world. Finally, the light slowly came to a stop – forming the brand new wallpaper on the ceiling as I regained consciousness. 

I realized it was the apartment I was paying fifty thousand yen in rent for, in Musashino.  The blurred world gradually regained its features, and it was Krishna-san who first caught my sight.

“Are you awake, Nagi-kun?”

I took a long, deep sigh of relief; I knew I had survived an unfathomable abyss.  

“You’ve been asleep, for three whole days.” With those words, I realized there was someone standing next to Krishna-san. 

“…You idiot” It was my sister Akira, sobbing.

“I was contacted by Kurimoto-san, how dare you make me waste my paid vacation?” She blasted at me with her eyes filled with tears. Behind Krishna-san and my sister was Karasu-san. Next to her, was the Buddhist priest I knew from before and a stranger dressed in a kimono with a hakana. In my faint consciousness, I wondered if my apartment was over capacity. 

“Everything is thanks to her, be grateful.” Krishna-san pointed at Yoishi Mitsurugi.  But she was right next to me with her eyes closed as if she were dead. Her pale, transparent skin, had no trace of blood. She really looked like she was dead. 

“She was the one who told us you wouldn’t wake up.”

According to her, Yoishi had once again come to my house around midnight. Why she did so, voluntarily, is because she realized that something abnormal had happened to me. She quickly contacted Krishna-san, came up with something, and was found sleeping next to my side ever since. 

“If a catalyst with a strong disposition like hers didn’t intervene in your dream, you likely would never have waken up.” 

I began to understand my situation with Krishna-san’s words. I had been dreaming. I had been seeing a dream within that dream, and I was struggling desperately to wake up from that dream, And in order to end that dream, I was almost engulfed by the dream. 

However, I still wasn’t convinced. 

“Is this really... reality?”

The petite occult site manager slowly shook her head.

“I can’t guarantee that. Dreams are scary. They are tied deeply to human consciousness. In short, when you dive into the world of the deep subconscious, it’s basically impossible to conclude if it’s a dream or not. That’s why, lucid dreams are so rare. ”

I reeled in the threads of my hazy consciousness, and looked towards my sister.

“Sis..”

“…Yeah?”

“Mother is...—“

“…What about mother?”

“—I…killed her.”

As I spoke those words, the broken fragments of that dream became whole again. 

“That’s, not true.”

“But…”

“That’s not true. That’s not what happened, Nagi.” My sister spoke as she took hold of my lying figure.

“You were convinced about that for a long time. Always blaming yourself – That’s why this happened.”

My sister told me everything:

When I was eight years old – my asthma wasn’t just infantile asthma, but Antitrypsin Deficiency, a disease that requires an early healthy lung transplant. For that sake, my mother who was the same blood type, was recommended to transplant part of her lung. But, my mother who already had thin blood vessels around her heart, couldn’t withstand the operation. The transplant was a success, but my mother didn’t return.

“After the operation, you cried and cried, asking where mother went. I ended up saying it to you – mother is inside the fusuma.”

“…….”

“From here onwards, she will stay inside the fusuma but, she’s always by your side.”

--Ah. 

If you hear it from someone, you would probably laugh it off as a silly story. But, at this moment, I began to recall the scene I had forgotten up until this point. That is: one evening, our living room was dyed in orange. I was in primary school, crying alone in my mother’s room. My sister came and hugged me tight.

--You can’t open this fusuma. My sister surely said that. 

-If you open it, mother will die. 

That lie, spoken in desperation by my twelve year old sister: saved the balance of my heart from collapsing. And, the rupture in my heart was stopped in a distorted way. My mother… wasn’t dead. She just couldn’t come out from the fusuma. 

--That kind of warped understanding quickly took root in me and hardened. When I returned from school, I would stand in front of the fusuma and say my greetings. I spoke about what happened with me throughout the day to the fusuma. If anything troubled me, I would discuss it with the fusuma. And, I would be looked at in a sad way by my father and sister. But, that sad gaze, I interpreted it as it being my fault that my mother would not emerge from the fusuma. Eventually, I stopped caring about that gaze, and continued to talk together with the fusuma, freely and openly –We lived that kind of warped daily life, and now is the first time I feel how messed up it all was. 

“Nagi-kun” Krishna-san peered into my eyes as she spoke.

“That’s what a person’s death is. It takes time to comprehend it. It took you ten years, but, there are still people who can’t accept it throughout their whole lives. And – that is a form of ghosts.” 
 
Ghosts-

I was drawn to them, I chased them, and I involved myself with them -- the weak existence called ghosts. 

It had all been a waste. That -- had already been present inside me, since long ago. Nestled close to my broken heart, it helped me.

“That’s right.” Krishna-san nodded kindly. “Even thought it might be called a curse from its start, it never had any malice.”  

Tears spilled down from my sister's big eyes as Krishna-san said that.

--There was never any malice?

Those words seemed to sink into my brain, when I suddenly remembered. I quickly got up.

“What about Yoishi? When is she gonna wake up?” I asked that as Krishna-san quietly looked towards the man in the back. An effeminate man dressed in a blue dyed kinagashi<ref>wearing kimono casually</ref>. He shrugged his shoulders in a nonchalant way.  That detached manner made me remember. This guy… isn’t this bastard the one who Krishna-san called her master? He chanted ‘Out’ to me that one time I was in agony. 

“Hey, don’t mess with me. Are you trying to save face like that as Krishna-san’s master?” 

I stood up, and drew near to that guy.

“Nagi-kun, stop” Krishna-san stopped me in my tracks, but I didn’t completely settle down.

“So in short, Yoishi entered my dream to try and save me, right?” As I tried to get a confirmation, the man broadly grinned and nodded.

“Then it’s simple. You do as I say. Return me to that dream one more time. Take me to the place where she is. From there on, I’ll go and bring her back.”

“Hey now, don’t make unreasonable requests.” The man raised both his hands in an exaggerated pose as if giving up. “Do you even know what it means to link a person’s self-consciousness to a dream? Common sense doesn’t apply there. People can only ‘think’ when they know where they are standing. If it’s a normal person, it will be difficult for them to preserve their sanity, right? Besides that, you have already been made aware that the dream is a distortion. By now, your brain should be working on the restoration in a hurry. It’s basically impossible to find your way to the same place, and even if you were to do that, it would be recognized as a distortion once more, and the probability of you ever waking up again will be slim to none.”

“Then, what is going to happen to Yoishi? Is she just going to continue sleeping like this?” I yelled as my saliva went flying, Krishna-san took over.

“Listen to me, Nagi-kun. No matter how strong a catalyst is, it's usually impossible to establish your ego when linking to a person's dream. But she was able to do it. Due to the fact that she was able to do it, albeit with some luck, I was able to confirm to some extent, about the essence of the girl named Yoishi Mitsurugi.”

“Confirm? What do you mean?

“Perhaps we and she, the places we stand are distinctly different.”

Those words, made me feel déjà vu. Right, I had heard those words used somewhere before –

“What did Yoishi Mitsurugi lose? What was the cause that made her that way? I don’t know the reason. But she already stands in the world beyond. Alive in the physical sense, but dead in the spiritual sense, an existence synonymous to that of many ghosts."

--Yoishi, is not a living person. 

The absurd rumors that were circulating on the internet, I recalled them. 

“In other words, we are standing in the living world while talking about the world beyond, in comparison: she stubbornly, talks about the world beyond while in the world beyond. That’s why --her words shake us, who live in this world. That is wh--”

“Her words are filled with gloom, causing fear and anxiety in the listener, right?”

As I whispered that, Krishna-san stared at me in wonder. That’s right – I remembered.

I had definitely heard these words in my dream. That was – the moment I woke up in the blue room in the mansion. Krishna-san who had come to check up on my state had said the same words. 

“The same lines were said to me in the dream by Krishna-san. And at that moment, I…I thought Yoishi had dragged me down into that creepy world. Because of her, the situation was headed in a worse direction. And…”

I waved my hands in a panic to Krishna-san who was speechless.

“No, it’s like I’m blaming you or anything. The Krishna-san in my dream that spoke those words was an illusion created by my weak heart. It’s just…I was really cold to Yoishi since she had come into my dream. At the end, I even became convinced that she was some sort of monster. Up until I was admonished by my mother, I really wondered whether Yoishi was some kind of monster, like the rumors on the net had said.”

But – That’s not it. If what that kinagashi wearing bastard said is true, she took an absurd risk when she arrived in my sub-conscious. Without knowing if she could make it back in safety, she walked with me together in my twisted world.

Why was that? Why did she do that for me?

“I have to find out why that was. Why did she do such a dangerous thing for me? I need to ask her directly.”

I spoke that with utmost seriousness, but…

“You don’t know why?” With a sharp glare, Krishna-san clicked her tongue. “Young men really are hopeless, insensitive creatures. I’ve had enough then; I’ll say it in place of her. Why, did Yoishi Mitsurugi save you? It’s because you didn’t throw away that notebook until the very end!”

“…Huh?”

“You are essentially worthless, a foolish, unprincipled, weak willed, hopeless idiot. And yet, for some reason you still continue to thrust yourself into the paranormal, even sympathizing with the suffering of the dead. After sympathizing, you tried to walk together with it. You absolute moron! But that’s not something just anyone can do. A fool you may be, however, as a human that is a valuable quality, like that of a jewel. And a girl is extremely weak for that sort of thing.”

“……………..Ehhhh?” 

“That girl, she helped you with super-logical methods so many times. Without even being a specialist on the occult, she spread those dangerous self-responsibility-type ghost stories in this world to try and save you. Why does she, who is extremely detached with life, take such actions only for you? --- Understand that much, you fool!”

“N…now, wait a second.”

I—wasn’t that kind of outstanding human. I was just an indecisive, illogical, warped asshole. In the past, I suffered to the point I thought I was gonna die, that’s why I ended up having sympathy for that boy from the notebook. I just knew that the pain would be lessened tens of thousands of times just by having someone by my side.

“I understand that, but as a human being, your respect-worthy nature is a double-edged sword. If you continue doing things like this, you’ll only have a few more years left to live.”

“….Eh?” 

“I once told you that you were not suitable for having an interest in the occult, but I said that out of utmost concern for your nature. As long as you have that nature, you will continue to be involved in the affairs of the other side. And no matter how much you try to stay in this world, you will be dragged to the other side, whether you want to or not. That's why I kept telling you not to get involved with Yoishi, that's what it means to confront a girl standing in the world beyond.”

At long last Krishna-san stopped to catch her breath, and took a big gulp of tea from the plastic bottle next to her, draining it, and turned around to face me once again.

“But are you still resolved to get involved with her?”

“……..”

“To save a girl like her, a half-hearted resolve won’t do. If you do things half-heartedly, both of you will end up destroyed. You must step forward, and confront her with the determination of putting your whole life to it. If you do that, a miracle might happen.”

“Wait a minute, Kurimoto-san.” Behind Krishna-san, the kinagashi wearing man shrugged his shoulders. “Shouldn’t you be stopping him?”

“I know it already! But I’m sorry, it’s useless! It’s like I’m not even here! Since I’ve met him, Nagi-kun has never listened to what I said.”

…Stop, it’s painful to be talked about like that by such a tearful face, but, as I continued to be heaped upon by Krishna-san’s passionate criticism – I kept thinking about only one thing in the back of my head. That is, the words I yelled just before I woke up from the dream. Yoishi doesn’t run from reality -- I was able to get out of there by saying those words to some strange thing that tried to confine me in a dream world.

“In the first place, it’s harsh to think that she doesn’t want to return to this world", the kinazashi man whispered as if he were humming a song. As usual he was acting as if it were someone else’s problem.


But his words struck some part of me like a bolt of lightning. 

…That’s right, her not coming back, wouldn’t it be a betrayal of the conclusion I drew, those words I uttered about Yoishi in those last moments of conflict? If she didn’t come back, wouldn’t that mean she ran away?

And at that moment, I finally saw what it was that I should do. Why did she go through all the trouble of descending to the depths of my dream? I understood the real reason.

“Only those who know the darkness know the value of the light, right?”

“…What did you just say?” Krishna-san tilted her head, I replied, ‘No’, and shook my head. 

After that, I lay down once more. I rested both my hands on my stomach, deliberately wearing a smile, and forcefully said.

“I’ll be back, and I’ll definitely bring her with me.”


   ◯


The blue world was filled with white smoke. Sounds of crackling fires bursting here and there, the smoke rose up in the air. However, because it was a dream, it wasn’t hot at all. 

It couldn’t be helped that my vision was bad, for the time being I tried my best to remember the layout of the mansion while moving towards the interior. 

That closed room --- I ran as fast as possible to the daughter’s room. Fallen down all around were smoldering pillars and fusuma doors. I kicked them away as I continued forward, before long I could see the white blouse in the back, Yoishi’s slender figure was visible. What was she doing, playing around with that kokeshi, while everything continued to burn around her?

“Hey, Yoishi. Let’s go back.” I called out to her from behind, Yoishi continued to stroke the kokeshi and whispered:

“Why did you deliberately give birth in the fire?”

“What did you say?”

“Konohanasakuya-hime was distrusted by Ninigi, why did she do such a thing?”

“How should I know? It was such a long time ago”.

For now, I put my hand on her arm and motioned for her to get up and she said. “Undoubtedly, she thought about disappearing for a moment.”

I stopped my hand at her words.

“Being suspected by the person she loved, Konohanasakuya-hime lost her place in this world.” Yoishi raised her face in the direction of the burning flames. Beyond the fallen sliding doors, was the courtyard of the mansion.  And there, the daughter of this mansion was looking up at a plum tree, as if she couldn't see the burning flames. Her eyes squinted slightly; she gently stroked a small flower bud on the verge of blooming. And – next to her, the two cousins were there, looking up at the plum tree with a gentle expression I hadn’t seen before. 

“Why didn’t I realize it before?”

I sat down next to Yoishi, and spoke my thoughts out loud.

“Is that…me?”

The two who were fighting over the daughter, the faces of both cousins --- they were just like identical twins, with the same eyes and ears everywhere. You could say if it was a face I was tired of looking at -- my own face. 

“One of them protects the daughter.” Yoishi spoke, “And, the other you who tries to kill her.”

That moment, I finally realized it, who it was the daughter’s face resembled. That’s right – it was the face of my mother. It was an illusion carved from my memory that beautified and rejuvenated her.

“That’s right – the family that lives in this mansion is based on the emotions inside you."

“Then…” I pointed. “Who is the man looking at the daughter and the cousins from far away?”

“I think he represents your family which can’t support either one of you.”

Finally the scattered pieces began to come together. 

The daughter pours her love into all these people. One cousin is the part of me that wants to live on, even after gaining my mother’s lung. The other cousin is the part of me that won’t accept that. To the bitter end, they quarrel over the daught—no, my mother.  However, the head of the household, who can support neither side, and only stand there from a distance bewildered – That was -- an exact microcosm of my home from back then.

But now, all four of them were smiling together, looking up at the plum tree. It was a sight I should have seen some day. But, it was an illusion where the family members were smiling without being distorted.

“This place is comfortable to live in.” Yoishi spoke as she stared at that sight.

I stood up in silence and I put my hand on Yoishi’s shoulder. 

“Let’s go back, Yoishi.” 

I gazed at the mansion, whose outline grew more and more ominous.

“This is my dream. I created this world to avert my eyes from the pain of reality.”

But Yoishi didn’t move an inch. With her white hands, she gripped the kokeshi doll tightly, and whispered in a hoarse voice.

“You…Perhaps you should have lived the rest of your life here without ever opening it.”

My breath stopped at those words.

“There are things in this world that you shouldn’t willfully see.” 

And with those words, the scattered parts inside finally took shape. This girl --- she and I really are the same. Yoishi, like me, is carrying something warped inside her as well, and had probably been suffering for many years because of it. That’s why, she could understand my pain and suffering; when I felt the pain of the boy from the notebook, could she have felt my pain?

I remember Yoishi’s forlorn figure. 

I remember her thin back that seemed to carry all the sorrows of the world alone. I distorted my memories, and was able to live in comfort. But, she neither ran, nor sealed them away, and continued to carry it all on her back. That – must have been unbelievably heavy, she must have been unable to walk normally. And -- in the middle of that lonely journey, with her feet stuck into the ground –

Her heart may have died.

That is why: even while she still lived, it was as if she stood in the world beyond.

“Yoishi – you…”

Those words spontaneously spun from my mouth.

“What the hell – killed you?”

If it wasn’t for this strange place, I probably wouldn’t have asked that. And I probably couldn’t ask her again. However, at that moment, the words came out of my mouth spontaneously. 

That idiotic question of mine --- twisted Yoishi’s lips into a tearful shape for just one moment. 

As she was about to speak through the gap in her lips – in the dark recesses of her eyes, I saw something.

The instant that silhouette emerged, every part of me was filled with fear.

On the other side of the dark colored eyes, a black figure wriggled. 

That ominous something -- twisted and turned as it gradually molded itself into shape.

It was – a black haired girl.

Her dark colored hair fluttered, with her white face and beautiful features, she--

Somehow looked similar to Yoishi but -- the aura was definitely different. With a faint smile, that face seemed to be filled with the malice of this world, it was horrifying. 

-- You kill people because it’s fun. People can’t stand suffering faces. If you press them a little, people break so easily. It’s so fun to break happy people. Is it fine if I press you just a little?  I'm going to press you to make this world so much fun--

Those red lips opened, and began to spit out many twisted words.

“—Absolute evil.”

In the pale blue world, my faint words echoed in silence. 

“That’s why, whenever I feel malice, I vomit.”

Yoishi’s slender legs shook, as she spoke weakly.

“When my heart dies, it’s in an instant – Without any warning, when I’ve realized it, it’s already dead.”

The Yoishi from before: The Yoishi who happily leapt into whatever monstrosity that lay before her, that girl wasn’t present here now. In front of me was just a girl acting appropriate for her age -- broken in spirit. Yoishi’s well-shaped eyebrows were warped, her large eyes filled with clear tears that were on the verge of falling.

“I don't know what it feels like to be scared anymore.”

「 “Are you scared?” “Do you feel fear now?” “How does it feel to be scared?”」

I recalled those past words of hers—

Before I knew it, I was hugging Yoishi’s slender body tightly. I embraced that slender shoulder and arms, as if to confine her inside me.

“It’s alright now – I’m sorry.”

This girl was -- a warm corpse. When she would spit out words, they would be accompanied with the scent of death. That kind of Yoishi, had seen something she wasn’t supposed to see. She found out something that she shouldn’t have, and as a result, was swallowed by the deep darkness. And thus, she lost the emotion known as fear. 

--Once a person knows the depth of the darkness, they will end up possessed by those depths.

She said that once in the past. That was in fact, about herself. She was going after the paranormal in search of her lost feelings of fear. Just as I was drawn to my mother out in the darkness — even if I were to burn myself sooner or later, she too would jump into the flames of darkness.

“There is no malice present here.” Yoishi murmured, transparent tears overflowed from both her eyes.

“Even if you say we should go back – no matter how much I look for it, I can’t find a reason to return.”

It’s harsh to think that she doesn’t want to return to this world – I recalled that kinagashi wearing bastard’s words. Countless emotions were overflowing inside me, sweeping away and tossing about. I was powerless, an incompetent bastard who couldn’t even save a single crying girl in front of me. What should I do? What should I say to her? A person like me, is there anything I could say to Yoishi? Was there anything I could do? Without a shred of logic, could my crappy words move her heart in the least? 

--That’s right, I reached my hands out in desperation, and there...

“I’m still alive.” I whispered those words which were just on the tips of my outstretched hand. “And you too, are still alive.” I said something completely nonsensical while looking straight into Yoishi’s eyes. 

“For you, living itself might not be what you want; I don’t know how heavy the burden it is that you’re carrying, and, I can't even say that I really understand. Neither can I carry the tremendous something that you are burdened with.”

But, together with those lines which I did my best to squeeze out, I felt a thin, thin, faint light shine in from the far away heavens. And that tightened something in my stomach at a tremendous speed. I could feel it, the power being transmitted to both my legs.

“But from now on, I’ll stand by your side. I’ll always stand by your side, and share half of your burden. From here on I’ll stand in the way of any malice that’s pointed your way. Anything that would want to kill you would have to go through me first. To sum it all up, as long as I’m alive, I will never let you be killed.”

“…….”

Yoishi looked at me astonished, I’d really done it now, I thought. But, I would have to take responsibility for my illogical words now. Now, I’d have to be armed with the theory of the lifetime. I don’t know if these words would become true or not, something ridiculously heavy is now entrusted to me. I frantically turned over my little storehouse of knowledge, scampered to the bottom, and, in the nick of time -- caught sight of that legend. And then I worked out an interpretation. 

“Listen, remember that story you said a while ago, about Princess Konohanasakuya-hime?”

“…….Eh?”

“You said she wanted to disappear, but according to legends, she didn’t disappear. She purposely gave birth to a child in the fire. If she were to die, she wouldn’t be able to give birth. Why is that? Maybe you don’t know why, but I do. Konohanasakuya-hime's thoughts in the fire were like this: Within me there dwells a new life that's eager to come out. There is a life that desperately wants to be born from me, me who decided to disappear from this world. That moment, didn’t she decide? To walk along side that life -- she realized that taking that path would be more painful than dying. That’s why Konohanasakuya-hime’s personification: the Fuji mountain and cherry blossom are beautiful. They touch the hearts of us Japanese.”

“…..That logic is a failure.”

“Aw jeez, just shut up, don’t object. I know it already. It’s what I 	think. Nobody knows the truth of what happened back then. That’s why, in short – “

I pushed myself to the limits, and brought it to an end with the worst and strongest nonsensical words.

“From now on going forward, you walk with your head held high.”

The moment I announced those words, I heard a terrible sound close by. I narrowly pulled Yoishi towards my side as the wall together with the beam behind her collapsed. As I held Yoishi’s head in my arms, I also had a sniff of her hair. She’s like that in my dream as well, isn’t that a little strange?

“What is strange?”

Yoishi inquired, but I just shook my head, as if to say no.

“When we get back, take a bath.” 

Yoishi slightly tilted her head away and replied as usual, I don’t like baths, as she stood up. 

And it was the moment a different burning beam fell down. 

“Come on!”

I promptly pulled Yoishi’s hand, and we ran from there while holding hands. My left hand gripped Yoishi’s, with my right hand I protected myself the sparks of the collapsed pillars, and we ran out of the room. However, as soon as I came out into the corridor I realized, the collapsing mansion was enough to completely destroy my sense of direction. Clicking my tongue, I ran to the left side where the fire was weaker. The mansion wasn’t like a vast labyrinth. If I were to just run in a straight direction, we’d be able to get out of here. If we just follow the fence from there, we should arrive at the main gate. However, perhaps it was because the mystery of my heart had been solved and the mansion had served its purpose, the structure of the mansion became so chaotic that the directions of top, bottom, right and left were vague. The stairs were connected with the kitchen; in front of the toilet was the storage room. The tatami mats continued for eternity. The corridor was winded into a spiral shape.

“Damn it, which way?”

On top of that the sparks were falling rapidly from overhead, burning my skin. They weren’t hot, but they were inflicting a dull pain, and seemingly erasing my existence. 

--Dammit, It’s impossible. 

A voice inside me said that, and I shouted back.

“It’s not impossible. This is my dream.” 

Like hell am I gonna end up killed in my own dream. Like hell am I gonna stand being killed by anyone.

I yelled that as I clasped Yoishi’s hand as tightly as I could and kept running. The white darkness spreads before me. I was quickly covered in smoke and couldn’t even see my fingers.  

-- The probability of you ever waking up again will be slim to none.  

I faintly remembered the words of that kinagashi wearing bastard, but I shook my head and cleared away any such thoughts. I’ll definitely get back. Back to that apartment, back to Tokyo. And back to Fujieda, this time for sure, I’ll take back reality. I’ll rebuild my distorted and trampled memories. I’ll take back the everyday life the way it was supposed to be. But – I still couldn’t see the exit anywhere. Wherever I looked, the rubble from the mansion blocked our path. The pillars of fire rose relentlessly.

It might really be useless, after all. 

It was that moment when I raised my head in weakness.

From the white darkness, someone’s hand held out towards me. It was a small hand. Because of the smoke, I couldn’t see whose face it was. But for some reason, I eagerly gripped that hand without any hesitation. Under the guidance of that hand, I ran out of that flaming corridor with Yoishi. The walls were crumbling, beams were falling down. Even if it was regrettable, this mansion was close to its demise. Yet despite that, I didn’t know how much further we would have to go.
However, however... strangely enough, the hope in my heart which had begun to disappear just before was still there. Without hesitation, it guided us -- this small hand. I didn’t know why, but it was trustworthy. Even though I had suffered through many creepy experiences up until now, yet I still concluded that. Why was that? Running with all their might, I caught glimpse of the feet of the child right in front of me. And because of that, I realized it. At this child’s feet, was a white sneaker tied with blue shoelaces.  

The moment I realized who that child was, my vision suddenly blurred. 

“Over there.”

The place ahead Yoishi pointed at, was the collapsed gate burning down. 

--It was the exit.

I felt I’d be able to manage somehow or another when I reached there.

But the moment I thought that, the tiny hand grasping my left hand disappeared. Becoming flustered I looked back, her was there, enshrouded in smoke. Gently waving his hand in my direction and faintly smiled. I waved my hand in response with as much power as I could muster, at the same time, the mansion collapsed with the sound of an iceberg breaking. 

We ran. 

The main gate was already open.

The thick latch was lying on the ground, broken.

I let Yoishi pass through there, and looked back – that moment…

--At the entrance of the crumbled mansion, I realized someone was gazing my way. Dimmed with the white fog, my feelings burst forth seeing the beloved figure.

“Mother.”

The world was crumbling – shrinking rapidly. At the end of this white world -- I cried at the top of my voice.

“Thank you.”

“And I’m sorry.”

“I was running away. I was protected and behaved like a spoiled brat.” 

Even as my voice grew dim, I continued to yell.

“But, I think I’ll carry everything by myself now.”


“The things father and sis were carrying for me.”

“I'm gonna live my reality.”

That’s why.

That’s why--

No matter what I did, my tears continued to fall, and I couldn’t utter those words.

I felt the soft power of Yoishi’s fingertips being poured into my left hand. 

With a flood of emotions, I cried my heart out:

“Goodbye, mother.”

---

The first thing I perceived was the warm sunlight from the window. I was in my apartment. I was in my futon – And, I recognized the smiles of Krishna-san and the others; being hugged by the petite site manager, Karasu-san and the others all at once, I knew I had returned alive. By the way, this didn’t include that kinagashi wearing bastard, of course. I was dumbfounded as the Buddhist priest hugged me with a scary smile, anyway, Krishna-san’s master which was supposed to be that smug bastard, after he performed hypnosis on me, seemed to have left at once. Well, I suppose that’s for the best. 

Anyhow, I tore off from the lot, quickly rose up, and examined the face of the sleeping Yoishi next to me. Yoishi was still sleeping then. With her fingers crossed on her stomach, she was lying down, as if she wasn’t breathing. 

Was she able to come back?

The abyss of the world beyond and this world.  – The absolute boundary, from the ‘abyss of the underworld’.


The moment I thought that, Yoishi, slightly opened her eyes. And – let out a sigh, speaking in a somewhat embarrassed tone.

“It was comfortable there.”