Editing Talk:The Longing Of Shiina Ryo:Volume2 Chapter 3: Rin

questionable lines. i didn't change them for now.


'''EP'''

(maybe you could add a footnote as to what this stands for?)

'''The files got really heavy on the CPU and to export them the first time for the EP was hell,''' 

(export them for the EP. are u sure this is right? not to or from?)

'''maybe we couldn’t post stems of it so it could ever be reworked it in the future''' 

(ever --> never ???)

'''loop pedal''' 

(maybe loop station? this guy has a loop station[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEeCL0VUCF0]]BTW he's awesome.)

'''“This band will be over as of the end of ''Ars Finita''.”'''

(i didn't get this at all. what is ars finita?)

'''“Surely you heard correctly, Shin-tsu.” She spoke in monotone.''' 

(is the second sentence just a general statement or smth like "she said monotonously"?)

'''We all took music and ourselves too seriously to let it slide to the status of a hobby but had enough going on in our personal lives to make a career out of it, which would be already hard considering the kind of music we played.''' 

(but had enough going on in our personal lives to make a career out of it, --> but had so much going on in our personal lives that we couldn't make a career out of it. ''Is this what you meant?'')

'''How can I let the only thing I truly believed wouldn’t end on me simply vanish like this?”'''

(is "on me" really necessary?)

'''Then I met Shiina Ryo and a big, loud argument began as a prelude to the wicked happenings that were to come.'''

(as an option - that were yet/about to come)

'''An outside as empty as one could be inside.'''

(what does this mean? could you rephrase it pls?)

'''I’m much weaker and I was found wanting to begin with.''' 

(wanting what?)

'''Why on Earth would you people consider wasting it or being okay with passing through those few years ling like a dog, I have no idea.</u>'''

(what in the world is ling?)

'''Shugoshin</span> bit his inferior lip,''' 

(what is an inferior lip? maybe lower lip?)

'''I had become, for all effects of the term, a cheating backstabber.'''

(in all senses of the word.'' sounds better imho...'')

--[[User:Idiffer|Idiffer]] 15:34, 8 May 2012 (CDT)

1) Except from the second chapter:
“An EP?”
“Surely you know what the acronym stands for.”
“Extended Play, a recording too long to qualify as a single but too short to be a full length album. (...)”

2)For is correct because it is the mini-album is the "destination", not from.

3) The meaning of the sentence is that they could not provide the parts of it necessary for future editing, so I think "ever" still applies since it's being used to explain what would be done, not establish a condition as "never" would in this situation.
*then, no, you can't use it like that. if u deleted "ever" it would be perfect and meaning would not be lost. 
*not really, "could ever" is a valid expression to indicate something that did not necessarily happen but is or was possible so it applies.
:*yeah, i'm starting to think you're right. hey, i'm not perfect))

4) Both could mean the same, but a loop station does not need to be a pedal (could take different forms) while a loop pedal is always a loop station so the change would only make it less specific unless it was "Loop Station Pedal", which sounds nearly redundant.

5) The name of one of their songs.
* it should be more clear, imho...
* Thus the italics.

6) General statement. Sorta.

7) Yes.

8) It's necessary because he's clearly using "end" as an euphemism for "die".

9) "That were to come" is epic, old school Bible-core usage.

10) The world surrounding him was pure white but had nothing in it, it felt as empty as someone feeling empty would feel themselves to be.
*then "an outside" is a bit awkward...or really awkward for some.
*No, because there reader should know by is more than one "outside": the one he is referring to the "outside" that is the white world as opposed to the "outside" that is the real world or the "inside" that is someone's own inner self.

11) Again, biblical usage: "found wanting" is a reference to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_writing_on_the_wall Mene, Mene, Tekel u-Pharsin], that means "insufficient" or "guilty", so yes, I aimed for the pun.

12) "Living". My bad.

13) Forgot this one when I first replied: several medical sites list "inferior lip" as a valid form of referring to the same thing as "lower lip".
*well, i think you should consider who your readers are, lol)). i'd change it to "lower"...
*I shoved psychology, literature, metaphysics and even music industry terms down their throats without complaints, I'd be thoroughly surprised if a medical one would be the one to give me trouble.
:*unlike the other terms, there's just no need for it here. it sounds weird, really. if you still disagree, then we leave it as is. 

14) It does sound better.

Will be editing the ones that require it. Once again, thank you. --[[User:Ryuno|Ryuno]]