Talk:Campione!:Volume 5 Chapter4
Mane's Edits
"A number of desks lined the office, which occupied an entire floor of a residential and commercial building.": I don't see the point in changing the subject of the sentence to "desks" from "office", which also creates ambiguity since your "which" after the comma can be interpreted to apply to "desks" instead of "office."
"Piled high on the desks were all sorts of computers and documents, all kinds of books (including manga) as well as an assorted array of snacks and junk food, health equipment such as pressure point massage tools, and toys targeted towards infants and older children.": clearly the writer is setting up 3 distinct categories.
"Speaking of current events": come on, you read Volume 4 which took place in the former half of summer. It is now the fall term. Events that already happened a month or two ago isn't "current" but "recent."
Teaware. If you don't accept wiki's choice of spelling it as one word, then use two.
Nations are homogeneous groups of people, so saying "people and nation" is redundant.
"To this fellow Kusanagi, divine justice must be served": note that "serve" is the verb here. Serving justice ON someone? Wrong preposition.
"Trash like you, I can easily handle three hundred.": note that the verb is "handle." Handle AGAINST? Wrong preposition.
I don't see any point in eliminating contractions from lines in the narration which are clearly interjected thoughts.
Despair is not the same as frustration.
Just out of curiosity, what do you have against expressions like "having confidence in someone", "fellow", or constructions like "that's right, ...", "you know, XXX, ...", or "could not help" + gerund?