Failing Witch:Volume1 Episode3
Status: Incomplete
8/11 parts completed
Episode 3: The Official Practice Exam Begins
1
It was the second time he had been blown to bits.
Ultra-destructive President Ulrike had exasperatedly told him it wasn’t possible. “I don’t know if you were reincarnated or leaped between worlds, but why not treat this second chance at life with more care?” The witch of ice and cold, who made a fortune having her people run around the city selling ice told, him much the same thing: “You can’t do that.”
They were right.
But it was possible he had wanted to fail.
After all, he had known too much success. He had always been able to do things no one else could, but that had earned him a lot of grudges. That fateful day, he only should have flown out into space, but something was off kilter and he ended up crossing the barrier between worlds. So could he make use of that spectacular failure somehow?
He had met someone during his near-death experience. She looked like a priestess with blonde hair and blue eyes, but she didn’t seem to be from Greek or Celtic mythology. She was more like something out of a picture book, but he couldn’t figure out her identity even after studying up so much on witches. He simply had the impression she was an unbound goddess who toyed with freedom.
She had appeared from the center of the circular spring and spoken to him in exasperation: “I was the one who coordinated your trip, so I kind of need you to be happy in that world. If you overturn my decision and satisfy yourself with purely human actions, it could call into question the righteousness of the gods.”
It reminded him of ATU 0729, the story with the gold axe and the silver axe. The honest woodcutter was satisfied with just the iron axe, but the goddess or spirit was pleased and gave him the gold or silver axe. Without that, he never would have been a target of his neighbors’ jealousy. So was this really a happy story for the unselfish man living a simple life? And happiness was supposed to be defined by the recipient, not the giver.
The bewitching but unguarded goddess also said, “Isn’t knowing a bit of magic good enough? Especially when you can be perfectly happy without any magic at all. Surely you’ve noticed by now that the kings and nobles who truly run that world are all old men who can’t use magic. Maleficium is only working so hard to preserve their individuality because…interfered…and stop…from continuing the…”
He woke up to see how battered his body was and to learn which world he had ended up in this time.
On the verge of death, Myousou Yagoro clenched his bloody fist and grasped at the blue sky. Slowly. Very slowly.
That method hadn’t worked.
He needed to fundamentally rethink his plan.
2
Viocia and Melehe didn’t know what was happening, but they decided to fly down to the ground for now. Not to mention it was unusual for two witches to be using a single Formula Broom. They didn’t want to suddenly lose balance and reach the ground in a less controlled fashion.
Melehe took control of the broom since she could handle a vertical landing. They gently descended toward the city.
“You’re such an idiot,” sulkily grumbled Melehe while guiding their descent (nervously now that she knew about the Rank S3).
The chocolate parfait of a sky pirate girl pouted her lips.
“The entrance exam is a competition. Anyone who shows concern for their competitors will be the first to fail the exam. So what are you doing pretending at having friends in a prep school?”
Viocia grinned despite being insulted by the person she had just saved.
“Heh heh heh☆”
“What?”
“You say that, but you saved me. By applying the brakes when I was about to hit that wall.”
“O-only because I would have been a stain on the wall along with you if I hadn’t helped!!”
“And you were so angry for Dorothea you picked a fight with those three witches all on your own.”
“~ ~ ~!?”
“Viociaaaaa,” called a voice down on the ground.
It was the glasses bandage zombie girl named Dorothea Rockpool.
“I forbid you from telling her.”
“Ehh? Why would you do that?”
“Please don’t tell her! I-it’s embarrassing!!”
Once the two witches were on the ground, they found the city abuzz with energy for so early in the morning. More than half the city’s people were exam students, so any major action by the summon restricted magic school was going to bring the city to life.
The bandage girl (who looked on the verge of unraveling in places) ran over through the crowd.
“Huff, puff. I-it’s incredible. Did you see it, Viocia? Eep. Everyone’s saying that might be the site for the official practice exam.”
“Did you say official practice exam!?”
“It’s the Source Building. It’s apparently a Maleficium building they don’t use anymore and it sometimes goes wild and produces labyrinths all on its own. The card fortune tellers were really excited. Eep. They said the big practice exam might happen in there. I-I didn’t expect a surprise event like this at all.”
“Uhh.” Viocia gripped her broom in her hands and suddenly shrunk down.
It was hard to believe this was the same girl who had been so eager to rescue her friend she blasted her way through a thick magical barrier.
“Don’t let it overwhelm you,” snorted Melehe Superlative. “You, um, have a reason you need to get into Maleficium, don’t you? Then don’t get scared just because of some practice exam in the…Source Building, was it? In fact, you need to see this as a chance to improve your standing in the ranks.”
“Huhh? Ah ha ha. Oh, did teacher tell you about that, Melehe?”
Melehe fell silent, Dorothea looked confused, and Viocia didn’t seem to mind that her secret was out. She even laughed bashfully.
“You’re so nice, Melehe. I’m glad you’re worried for my grandma when you haven’t even met her.”
“Well, she has a…difficult condition, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah. The doctor said modern medical technology has no way to cure it.”
That bombshell caused Melehe’s and even Dorothea’s eyes to widen. Did Viocia not have any problem bringing it up because she was so determined to cure it herself?
But there was more to it than that:
“Yeah, lower back pain is a real problem, huh?”
“Back pain!?”
“Apparently there’s no way to heal it right away.” Viocia sighed while smiling bitterly. “The doctor said it’s a really troublesome disease called Hexenschuss. And just like the common cold and athlete’s foot, he said you’d go down in history if you could create a medicine that fully cured it and kept it from coming back. So if it doesn’t exist, I have to work hard to make it myself! I need to help grandma feel better!!”
Viocia again gripped her Formula Broom, but with great motivation this time.
Meanwhile, another girl was hanging her head and trembling. Nearby, the white no-bake cheesecake of a bandage zombie girl had her hands uncertainly wandering in the air.
(Th-)
The prep school’s strongest witch’s thoughts were not on Viocia.
(Th-th-th-)
3
“That boyyyyy!!!”
Myousou Yagoro looked uncertain how to respond to her loud and angry yelling and finger pointing. He had only just reached the ground from the giant red-painted elevator, so what was this about?
“Hey, Melehe? Maybe you’ve forgotten because you got a little too worked up dealing with those Sassafras Cfa witches, but this is when they deliver the newspapers. You’ll wake people up if you yell this early.”
“You’re not talking your way out of this one! I won’t be satisfied until I’ve at punched you at least once! The doctor said she’s just old and nothing can be done about it!? And it turns out it’s just some lower back pain!? You tricked me!!”
In all seriousness, severe back pain could apparently be so bad it sapped the will to live, but maybe it was hard for a 15-year-old girl to imagine what that felt like.
And…
“Oh? Yagoro, you aren’t usually out and about this early. My, my. But I did see you out yesterday morning too. Have you put your nocturnal days behind you and taken up a more healthy lifestyle?”
“Bookseller.”
Hearing his name, the blond boy turned around and saw a smiling young woman in a witch’s dress and an apron printed with an animal picture. She ran the used book store he frequented. Every time he saw how her extremely ample chest distorted the apron’s rabbit face, he couldn’t help but want to be reborn as an apron in his next life.
“Hee hee. I just hope this new habit has some staying power.”
“Actually, I’m not sure I want to do this every morning. If anything, that sounds like the opposite of healthy.”
“?”
The young woman gave him a childlike look of confusion. The mismatch was honestly cute.
And for some reason, Melehe Superlative had been completely left behind by the conversation. In fact, she had petrified with mouth gaping. What was with her? Yagoro waved his hand in front of her face and got no reaction.
“M-”
Then the long-sleeve sailor uniform boy realized something.
This girl and the smiling mystery woman had two traits in common: silver hair and brown skin.
“Mom!?”
“Hello, Melehe. Sigh, I have raised quite the tomboy of a daughter, haven’t I?”
That was not at all what Yagoro had expected. Oh, so she isn’t just some gentle young woman. Yagoro found himself staring into the middle distance. This was apparently the witch said to have partially broken through the upper limits.
While the apron drew a lot of attention, she was wearing a chic black dress below it. She did have a lot in common with Melehe, just more mature. If Melehe was a flashy chocolate parfait, then the bookseller’s hat and dress made her look like a luxury chocolate cake decorated with alcohol and gold flakes.
Still pale-faced, shaking, and half clinging to Yagoro, Melehe questioned her mother.
“Why? Wh-wh-what are you doing here, mom!?”
“Well, I was just so worried about my 15-year-old daughter living on her own for the first time.”
“Have you been watching me!? How much have you seen!?”
“Hmm? To be honest, I spent several years before you arrived regularly visiting the city to prepare a place for myself here, so I saw everything, starting with when you first arrived and looked around half in tears because you didn’t know how to read your parchment map.”
”Ahhhhhhh!! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
The girl’s pride and privacy were utterly destroyed. Not just broken in two but smashed into tiny pieces. The embarrassment and shock must have been too much for her because the usually proud and elite girl held her head through her sky pirate hat and curled up on the ground.
Then her still-tremulous voice slipped into Yagoro’s ear.
“Did you think you were untouched by this, pervert? You’re one of her victims too. Now I finally understand why you wear that sailor uniform. If mom gave you that, there is only one place she could have gotten it from.”
The tutor felt a chill run down his spine.
No, it couldn’t be. Nothing that horrific could actually be true, could it?
“My, my. You really do look just like he did when he singlehandedly conquered the icy ocean☆ Hee hee. It reminds me of the wedding we held on his prized ship.”
“Gwahhhhh!! You mean this is used? It’s soaked with some stranger’s sweat!?”
Yagoro crumbled to the ground. That wife was a little bit too powerful.
But this meant that was definitely a witch’s broom the bookseller was carrying. When Yagoro studied it more carefully (despite his continuing dizziness), it spoke with the voice of a refined middle-aged man.
“Sir Myousou Yagoro, I thank you for all the help you provide the lady. I am Formula Broom – Greek Theatre. If you wish to know anything about that secret rites of Dionysus, you need only ask.”
The unnatural blond-haired boy was secretly impressed.
Apparently that wife really was a witch as well.
“I have tried to help tone down my Dionysus by eliminating his flaws, but I just can’t seem to fix his alcoholism. It never ends well when I carelessly polish his handle with sterilizing ethanol or brandy.”
“(You are not one to talk when it comes to alcoholism. You are far worse than me. Just since you arrived in this city, you got so drunk you began wielding the power of the maenads to near-instantly destroy a loan shark targeting the city’s students.)”
“Dionysus☆”
She silenced the broom. With a single smiling word. Wasn’t it said the best witches did not deny their desires and instead controlled them as a powerful means of driving them toward their goals?
The bookseller placed a hand on her cheek and sighed in a perfectly gentle way.
“Anyway, Melehe, I can’t help but notice you are still going the route of a jack of all trades. Didn’t I teach you the rest of that phrase is ‘master of none’?”
“Gh… Is that any way to speak to your own daughter when she can hold her own in any field?”
“Isn’t the excessive customization of your broom a sign that your soul is crying out for something you excel at? Maybe you weren’t conscious of it, though.”
Apparently the woman wouldn’t let up even after smashing your pride into tiny bits. A completely unprovoked punch to the nose would have been preferable.
Meanwhile, the bookseller’s gaze strayed upwards. Toward the bizarre structure that had appeared in a corner of the city, spreading out from the lake in a fanlike shape.
“So it’s already beginning for this year.”
“Do you remember what problems are on it?”
“”Oh, dear. I might have created this perfect figure by eating as much as I want and exercising, but 20 years ago, I was watching every gram I ate to keep my weight down so I could attend that school☆”
4
Carraway Cs Prep School was filled with a flurry of excitement.
The salary-focused prep school was showing an unusual amount of motivation, but only because, even though this wasn’t the actual entrance exam, a student earning a good rank on the practice exam was still excellent material for advertisements. Melehe and her Rank A were already treated like a school mascot by the faculty.
In the nearly empty cafeteria, Myousou Yagoro threw out a surprise question for the little witch in an orange, red, and purple pumpkin tart of a dress.
“You need to study the Three Aspects some more. Viocia, what is ATU 0709?”
“Uhh…Snow White! The one with the deadly apple!!”
“Good. That’s right. +1 point: The stepmother and the daughter were both beautiful, but the magical moral of the story is that unseen inward ugliness can still influence people’s lives. Even if you don’t use a mirror, telling your own fortune can confuse you or lead to self-destruction, so be careful. The same applies to the Kokkuri-san and automatic writing. Really, it’s not so much about what methods you use – it’s what you’re using the magic for. It comes down to the morality and purpose within your own heart. The uglier your heart, the worse it turns out for you, so it’s important to be a good person day to day.”
She seemed to have improved some from when she only memorized the round numbers.
“I know the details of the practice exam now.”
“Even so, why hold our planning meeting in the empty cafeteria? I pay a monthly tuition, so why can’t we just use the school’s lesson rooms?”
Because they gained nothing from letting the other students hear this.
“First, the location.”
“The Source Building. Apparently even big dragons are too scared to get close. The story is a student spent too many nights there studying and died of overwork, so her grudge continues to remake the school into a labyrinth. Yikes.”
“Why don’t you question why it is you know so much background information on a place you only just saw for the first time?”
Technically speaking, that was not a school building. Yagoro sighed.
“This time, it’s the old meal center. That’s the true identity of what all of you keep calling the Source Building. But it’s been abandoned, so no one uses it anymore. That’s probably where the practice exam will be held, don’tcha think?”
“Meal center? Ohhh, they had one of those back when I was at a normal school!”
“Once they began a system where anyone could set up shop and sell lunches to the students, the centralized meal center went out of business.”
“Phew. So it’s not some deadly school building. And if that urban legend was fake, then there’s nothing to worry abou-”
“(Of course, there is that rumor that a worker fell into a giant bubbling cooking pot around when it went out of business.)”
“Gyahhhh!? Of course there’s a story! And a terrifying one too!!”
That was enough of the history and rumors.
“As you’ve probably figured out, the building can grow on its own, creating a massive labyrinth. At its core, it’s a largescale kitchen, so it has lots of knives, pots, and ovens. The point is, you should expect it to be a lot more dangerous than if it had started out as a normal school building. There’s no telling what might come alive and attack you.”
“U-ugh. And what am I supposed to do in that place?”
“That’s the real question.”
Yagoro leaned in close to whisper to Viocia.
“(Maleficium is a ‘summon’ restricted magic school. That tells you what kind of power they’re looking for.)”
“Hweh? T-teacher?”
“(But since the practice exam is being held in a dangerous labyrinthine school, it seems unlikely they’re going to quiz you on Earth trivia, don’tcha think? Maybe they’ll ask you to investigate the pattern of the monster appearances or prevent a specific tool from transforming into one, but your task will probably be related to the monsters. I would focus my studying there.)”
“Y-you’re moving too fast. This is a sacred prep school dedicated to helping us pass the exam. It’s not the place for- gasp! I just realized there’s no one else around! D-did you plan this, teacher?”
“(The old meal center didn’t appear in a natural way, so it isn’t going to stick around for long. I don’t know the actual limit, but the practice exam will probably begin within three days, don’tcha think?)”
“D-does your first time always catch you by surprise like this? Grandma, I’m about to become an adult here in Temple School City! W-w-well, here goes nothing: nhh.”
When he grabbed the brim of his student’s hat and tugged it down, Viocia (who was inexplicably tense, squeezing her eyes shut, and lifting her chin a bit) came back to her senses.
“Armgwa?! Huh, teacher?”
“I finally noticed we were having two entirely different conversations. To further our mutual understanding, could you explain what kind of conversation you thought we were having?”
Viocia blushed bright and waved her hands wildly before finally crossing her arms to form a big X in front of her face. The pose meant “I’ll do anything you ask, just don’t make me answer that”.
And if she would do anything he asked, there was only one thing to ask as her tutor.
“Make the most of the official practice exam.”
“Hweh?”
“Specifically, improve your rank by one letter. You don’t need to reach the passing point right away. It’s much more realistic and important to gradually climb to that point over the course of the year. This is your first step on that path. If you can make progress here, then you’ll have even more opportunities in the future, don’tcha think?”
5
“Celtic magic is known for its many human sacrifice rituals. One of those rituals is the wicker man. Which of the following does not apply to that?
“1. People were stuffed inside a giant doll.
“2. Fire was used.
“3. A lot of people were killed.
“4. The people were killed before they were burned.”
“Um, uhh, 1, 2, 3, and 4.”
“Have you given up on thinking entirely, Viocia? The answer is 4.”
“Why is it always these scary topics about human sacrifice and killing?”
“Trick question warning: But the punishment the criminals hated most was being denied the honor of being sacrificed.”
Her tutor was trying to help her study, but Viocia was covering her ears while they left Carraway Cs Prep School. The change to the city was noticeable no matter where you were.
“So the entire building turned into a labyrinth just because it was abandoned by all the students?” Viocia said curiously as she craned her neck up. “It’s always there beyond the year-round diamond dust, but everyone sees it with a different shape. What even is Maleficium?”
“…”
“Bwagh!?”
After her thoughtful comment, Viocia tripped on absolutely nothing and fell flat on her face. She must have stepped on the hem of her long skirt. A skirt which did an astounding job of pulling all the way up as she fell. What is even happening here? wondered Myousou Yagoro, staring into the distance. Did she earn some divine punishment for trying to be something she’s not?
“Hey, your underwear.”
“Ahhhh! Teacher saw my more mature underwear!?”
Shut up, Miss Pumpkin Print Butt.
The official practice exam was approaching. Temple School City had countless prep schools and not all exam students used the prep schools. Then there were the untold number of girls outside the city who wanted to get into Maleficium.
Viocia took a suspiciously-sourced extra edition newspaper from a bipedal puppy familiar.
“Wow. They have a bunch of stands doing balloon yoyos and goldfish catching and stuff. It’s like a festival, Dorothea!”
“U-um. Eep. I don’t like crowds.”
Bandage zombie girl Dorothea had shrunk down. This had always been a big city, but the population density seemed to have tripled in a single day and it showed no sign of stopping. The inns were full up, so the challengers who had traveled here from a long way away were stuck renting rooms in rundown hotels that were partially on their way to being brothels already. Everyone was desperate to find somewhere to stay so they could avoid sleeping out on the streets.
(I see. Does Viocia rent a room in the shopping district because she arrived during one of these busy seasons?)
Real estate had its busy times and its lulls. If you arrive from afar for the entrance exam, failed, and only then decided to find a place to stay while you studied for next year, you might end up in that situation. Because everyone in those same disappointing circumstances would be searching for a room to start their new life at the same time.
Then Yagoro spotted a boy of around 10 wearing a filthy t-shirt in the crowd. He appeared to be looking for a pickpocketing victim, so Yagoro approached the squatters district resident and handed him a sandwich he had bought at a stand (that was targeting nonwitches who couldn’t create food from a recipe with the Happy Halloween spell).
Viocia and Dorothea had gone on ahead and didn’t notice. A pro(?) would know how devastating an opening that was.
(Stop it, Raynold. I’ll buy you food if you need it.)”
“(Geh, you!? B-but I’m not hungry. And I only go after bad people’s wallets. I saw her charging people ridiculous prices for hand puppets she claimed were talismans for passing the exam!)”
The little brat puffed out his cheeks in protest, but Yagoro only rubbed his head and left. The kid may have been right, but no game was as addictive as “noble crimes”. That was something to watch out for. You would find yourself having trouble getting along with anyone before long.
Then he noticed someone who wasn’t engaging in conversation openly or in secret. Melehe walked alongside the blond boy.
“What’s with you?”
“Something caught my attention while I was thinking back on our talk with my mom.”
She gave him a searching look.
Yagoro should have always had the upper hand, but he felt an electric tension run along his spine.
“Navigate Exam is the near-legendary tutor who enters prep schools without permission and guarantees the girl he chooses will pass the exam and get into Maleficium.”
Uh, oh, thought Yagoro.
He could tell where this was headed. There was no escaping this unscathed anymore. What mattered was how deep she managed to dig. He couldn’t let these thoughts show on his face.
“Wouldn’t that mean you yourself have gotten into Maleficium?”
Time froze.
A thick, invisible wall separated them from Viocia and Dorothea’s cheerful conversation not far ahead.
“You shouldn’t have known what my mom was talking about when you were looking up at the building the practice exam will be held in,” continued Melehe. Like she was investigating the contents of a box, one at a time. “Anyone who doesn’t pass Maleficium’s entrance exam will forget what was on the exam. Just like memories of last night’s dream fade away. Learning mom graduated Maleficium was a surprise, but it’s at least an explicable surprise. I understand how she could recognize the practice exam: ‘So it’s already beginning for this year.’ But not so with you, pervert tutor.”
“And? It’s not like we couldn’t hold a conversation about it. She generally meets us at our level and explains everything for us.”
“Maybe, but remember what you asked her? ‘Do you remember what problems are on it?’ You wouldn’t think to ask that unless you had something in your head to compare her comment to. If you didn’t recognize what was there in front of you, you would only wonder what she was talking about. I know I did.”
Melehe stared intently at Yagoro.
“Do you think I didn’t overhear your conversation with Schanze? You said you would mess with the inside of the broom so it would read in a different geographic location if Aristotle pissed you off again. But that means you would be accessing the core. Something only Maleficium students can do.”
“If you’re that curious, you could always go and check all the prep school lists of students who passed the exam, don’tcha think? You won’t find me on any of them.”
“That’s my point.”
She didn’t hesitate.
She had the tone of someone who was already convinced.
“'Are you an unprecedented genius who was entirely self-taught but still managed to pass the exam on your first try – something that’s never been done before?”
This accusation held great meaning. Since anyone who didn’t pass the exam would forget what was on it, not even the greatest prep school could collect past exam questions. That was why a prep school’s rank was determined by its number of successful students. But that changed if someone from Maleficium helped them. This tutor was the only one who could gather the necessary knowledge. Knowing all the past trends would make it a lot easier for him to choose what his student should study.
“That still leaves the question of what a boy who can’t become a witch was doing attending Maleficium, but it does explain the current situation. And thanks to our battle against the Sassafras Cfa trio, I know you can ignore the rules of this world and use magic without a Formula Broom.”
Yagoro briefly fell silent. And he reached a conclusion.
This is fine.
She’s still only scratched the surface. She hasn’t noticed how much deeper this goes.
“Sometimes you do run across miracles like this in Temple School City,” she said.
“How about asking your mom for help? She seems to be a Maleficium graduate.”
Melehe waved her hand dismissively. Maybe getting her mother’s help would reflect poorly on her when it came time for her to lead Private Striga.
All that aside, they had left the prep school to visit Viocia’s room.
“You were so reluctant to let me see your room before. What changed?”
“You followed me against my wishes, is what happened. And now that you know, there’s no point in hiding it.”
He knew better than to let that dunce know he had only asked to visit today because he was afraid she would get caught up in the festive mood of stands and street performers if he didn’t see her home.
“Eep. Wow.”
And come to think of it, Dorothea was the only one who didn’t know already. The place wasn’t running since it was still daytime, but she seemed overwhelmed by the sketchy business in front of her.
“Y-you rent a room here, eep, Viocia?”
“Yup! And since you’re here, come on in.”
Viocia grabbed Dorothea’s hand and marched in.
The place actually seemed more dimly lit during the day. The dancer inside widened her eyes in slight surprise. She apparently didn’t wear the skimpy, see-through costume all the time, so she was wearing a cardigan and holding a feather duster, giving her more of a homemaker vibe.
“Oh, my. We don’t often get a lot of young girls here. You really shouldn’t walk in the front door like that. You don’t want people getting the wrong idea, do you?”
“Ah ha ha. Sabbath Party is nothing like that.” Viocia cut in with a smile. “It’s a cheerful witch business where the customers come in looking glum and leave with smiles. Olivia here helps me come up with mnemonics for memorizing things, Strena the bodyguard accompanies me to the flea markets on her days off and helps me haggle for reference materials, and Mr. Kevin’s late-night cooking is the best. They’re all great, teacher. They can do so much I can’t!”
“I see. I would imagine so.”
“Heh heh☆ You have my word it’s 100% true.”
The dancer with the feather duster smiled bitterly. She may not have been used to this kind of praise. The reserved young woman (who had somehow ended up working at a place like this) whispered to the girl.
“Hey, Viocia. Inviting your friends over is fine and all, but are you really going to let them see your room as-is?”
“Geh!? You’re right, Olivia. I forgot to tidy up!!”
Hurried footsteps clambered up the steep stairs to the 2nd floor. The tumultuous sounds thundering down from the ceiling were enough to know this was going to take a while.
And once Viocia was upstairs, something new happened.
“E-excuse me.”
Melehe hesitantly raised a hand. That bundle of confidence had suddenly grown timid.
“Um, I need to apologize. I seem to have misjudged you based on my ignorant biases. I assumed this was a l-lewd place.”
Olivia the dancer looked puzzled at first. Then she used a quick twist of her hips to send her short, nearly-see-through skirt aflutter.
“Oh, we are very lewd here.”
“Wahhhhhh!!??”
Swimsuit-like Halloween costumes were the norm in this world, so what had Melehe seen? She blushed bright and just about fell backwards, so Dorothea had to support her from behind.
Olivia placed a hand over her mouth and giggled, but once she met Yagoro’s gaze, she bowed. Deeply. It was a surprisingly proper bow.
“That girl has told us so much about you. Please continue to look after her for us, teacher.”
“That is my job as her tutor, don’tcha think?”
He meant that as a serious response, but it earned him a casual kick to the shin from Melehe. She must have wanted something with a more romantic mood. But why would Viocia’s landlord go to this much effort for her?
“We are all self-taught witches here,” explained Olivia. “Since you know so much about the exam, you must know what kind of city this is. Sabbath Party is a gathering place for those who gave up after failing the exam one too many times but also couldn’t bring themselves to leave the city.”
Was that why they had accepted Viocia? They knew the anxiety and hardship of having freshly failed the exam, so they couldn’t turn away a girl who needed a room because her home was too far away to attend a prep school from.
There were those who felt resentment and jealousy when they saw someone with what they had already lost. There were others who would sabotage those people and mock them. These girls had only just been on the receiving end of that sort of abuse at the hands of the infamous Sassafras Cfa Prep School.
But Olivia and everyone else who worked here were different. Yagoro felt he could trust his students’ assessment that these were great people.
“That girl is yet another witch living in this city of failures. And she already knows the bitter flavor of that failure.”
“Yeah…”
“But she doesn’t need to taste that bitterness again. So please, teacher, help her. I want to see her smiling from the joy she finds in the dream that remained unfulfilled for us.”
“I swear I will. Like I said, that is my job as her tutor, don’tcha think?”
6
“Come on in, everyone.”
Viocia’s room was small. The bed, desk, and closet took up about half the space. But it was still a very feminine room. For example, the desk by the window had a three-sided mirror on top, so it doubled as a dressing table. A space larger than a cutting board at one edge of the desk was covered with thick cloth and a charcoal iron sat on top of that. It may have been an old one Sabbath Party had given her. It was looking like the dancers here really doted on her.
A sweet scent hung in the air, so did she have a habit of snacking while she studied?
The small room felt very clean and refreshing, but…
“Viocia. Eep. Wh-why is your closet door bulging like that?”
“Yeah, make sure you don’t touch that. Ha ha ha. It’ll explode if you open it now, so seriously leave it alone!!”
Was that her idea of tidying up?
While the tutor didn’t need anything more than a few pairs of street clothes, indoor clothes, and sleepwear, he doubted that small closet was enough to hold all of a teenage girl’s clothing. She appeared to have a few small wooden boxes under her bed as well.
“M-my underwear is in there, so stop paying attention to it. Bad teacher.”
“The pervert tutor strikes again.”
He had accidentally stepped on a landmine there. A girl’s room was full of dangers.
With Melehe and Dorothea here too, he doubted there would be time to really focus on studying, but since he was actually in her room now, he decided to give her some advice on how to best arrange the room for studying.
With the noise from Sabbath Party, she would have a hard time studying for long periods in her room at night. But there were other options.
“Viocia, keep your flashcards next to your bed. You need to build a habit of learning one of them as soon as you get up in the morning.”
“Ehh? Teacher, if that really worked, then what was the point of all the studying I’ve done?”
“If you learn one a day, that’s more than 300 learned in a year.”
“Uh, when you put it like that…”
“That’s more than a full set of flashcards. It’s still spring and you want to start that as soon as possible, don’tcha think? With the exam, anything you can get basically for free outside of your studying hours can give you an edge. And for memorization, you can attach notes to anything you use a lot, like the iron or the water pitcher. By combining the knowledge with those memories, you can preserve the term in your memory. Make them about the size of a sticky note…no, forget that. (They don’t have those in this world yet, do they?) Make them about the size of your thumb. The long lists of herbs and Black Mass info is made to be looked up in a chart, so they aren’t really designed for memorization. By having to write them down with limited space, you have to figure out how to abbreviate them, which will help you remember them.”
“Hmm. So could I get Olivia to give me some old ribbon and cut that up?”
That would work great. Those dancers would have rolls of the stuff and it was good that she came up with the solution herself instead of regurgitating an answer someone else gave her. Although this way of thinking was more in line with Crowley’s idea of linking book knowledge with actual experiences to learn it on a physical level than it was with Gardner’s idea of writing your own book to organize the contents of your mind.
To take that a step further, simply creating a cheat sheet could be seen as a way of studying through experience. But that method wasn’t recommended since other people could get the wrong idea and you would have to fight your own temptation afterwards.
“For the calculation problems that don’t use memorization…you can associate them with a relaxing and time-consuming activity. For example, you could practice palmistry or write out weather control equations on the mirror while you take a bath, don’tcha think?”
The witch entrance exam didn’t require some fancy legendary weapon. That was plain enough from the fact that witch’s preferred to model their weapons after the everyday broom. Dedicating every part of your everyday life toward the exam was the standard path to success.
“That said, you should always only use one study method per category, like herbs, incantations, or potion recipes. That way you know what kind of memory to draw on for that category of knowledge, so you don’t have to worry about it getting all jumbled up in your head.”
“Does that really work, teacher?”
“Try it out for a few days and you’ll find out for yourself, don’tcha think? And if you have too much to learn and have to use the same study method for different categories, you can organize the categories by ribbon color or something like that. It’s only a second best plan, but that way you can organize the knowledge a lot like organizing your writing implements and other odds and ends in smaller boxes within the same drawer. Even if it’s a compromise, you need it to work as well as it can.”
Melehe held a hand to her forehead.
“Why would you tell her this when we’re here? That isn’t going to give her an edge.”
“Oops.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea,” innocently said Dorothea while toying with the bandages wrapped around her.
7
It arrived sooner than expected.
Late at night, right at midnight, a great boom echoed across the entirety of the city. Everyone living there looked up into the night sky to see Maleficium’s old meal center towering over them.
Unlike when Demon Lord Aristotle appeared in Carraway Cs Prep School, this covered the entire city instead of just one building. Maleficium’s Jongleurs had activated a wide-area siren.
(Not long now.)
Summon Restricted Magic School Maleficium would be holding an official practice exam.
Myousou Yagoro only had time to quickly wash his face, brush his hair, toss parchment plans into his HEA house’s vending-machine-sized tank to have a quill-sized electric toothbrush made from the dirt within, and brush his teeth with that. He tossed on his usual long-sleeve sailor uniform and made his way to Carraway Cs Prep School, where he found a lot of students had already gathered. The prep school’s structure building was the best place they had to work on their Formula Brooms, so that wasn’t surprising.
Everyone was on edge.
No one took an optimistic view. The girls gathered here had all failed the exam once already. This was their first official practice exam in their year at the prep school. The results here would greatly change how the rest of that year played out for them. Life could be cruel. They all already knew that, if they didn’t dedicate themselves enough, they could find themselves mercilessly forced onto an unwanted path in life.
“Ugh. Good morning, teacher…”
“An exam student is supposed to dedicate every moment of her life to studying, so it deeply bothers me that you sound like you just woke up, but right now we need to focus on your final preparations. We’re going to open up your Formula Broom, okay?”
“Yes! Time to break the seal!!”
Bandage zombie girl Dorothea and sky pirate girl Melehe were busy performing their own maintenance at another work desk. They opened the broom handle like a three blade propeller to check the descriptions within and made sure to tune up the personalized map of Earth.
The witches and Formula Brooms conversed while completing their final preparations.
“Heh heh. A more aggressive forward-leaning position would be better. I guess I would say it would enhance my mood by half a tempo. You can sense the feelings flowing from me, can’t you, Melehe?”
“I don’t understand anything you’re saying. You musicians and you’re ‘feelings’…”
Meanwhile…
“…”
“Um, uh, eep, uh.” Dorothea was clearly troubled.
She wasn’t Yagoro’s student, but he couldn’t stand to just watch so he intervened.
“If you need any help, Dorothea, don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll lend you a helping hand…or fist.”
“”Th-there is no trouble here! The work is going smoothly!! Request: stay far away from me!!”
The only broom that didn’t reply no matter how hard its witch tried was Viocia’s. She pouted her lips, but this was unavoidable.
They were at separate work desks, but the girls were chatting with each other.
“Um, do we take flight from the window instead of the chimney? Eep.”
“Yes!! Although for the Black Mass, the witch would reach the roof from the chimney so her family wouldn’t see her. Okay, now for the ointment. Ooh, I know! I’ll go with the safe choice! I’ll use Thunberg's geranium and heal-all for extra stability at high speeds!!”
“Uh. Eep.”
While Viocia excitedly cared for her broom, Dorothe hid behind the girl and tearfully rubbed ointment onto her own body. The ointment meant to reduce her apparent weight must have still wounded her pride, but had she noticed that she was using less and less of that ointment made from common agrimony, common ash, and her own fat? Her jogging didn’t seem like much, but it appeared to be gradually showing results.
“Melehe, your ointment is turmeric and wolfberry…so an instant speed boost?”
“Vertical takeoffs are convenient, but they’re unstable until you start to accelerate.”
“Your broom was having trouble thanks to that trio, right? Did you get it fixed in time?”
“Yes, I did.” The silver-haired girl didn’t look his way while she twirled a crow feather quill in her hand. “As its name would suggest, Formula Broom – Mount Parnassus is a witchcraft device focused on Orpheus, but its greatest feature it’s the flexibility provided by its many optional parts. I’ve given it handlebars, gauges, adjustable lights, a seat, and luggage holders. And I’ve given all of that a distributed parallel damage suspension system made from the pure gold needed to make the trip to the afterlife. Thanks to that, the damage didn’t reach the Three Aspects structure. Once I got the cushioning rebalanced, it was back to its original specs in no time.”
(Oh, no. She’s never going to stop talking about this once she gets started, don’tcha think?)
He should have realized from the moment he saw all the extra parts on her broom. Melehe was obsessed with customization and she liked to talk. Just like Earth’s dekotora drivers.
Up at the lectern, gyaru-style Schanze Dwelling clapped her hands to gather everyone’s attention. She spoke to them all with her tanned skin, blonde hair, dealer-style vest and tight skirt, leopard print show-off bra, and wrist scrunchie making her look like a Mont Blanc.
“Okay, listen up, everyone!! We totally just received an official announcement from Maleficium. The super cool official practice exam will begin at their second signal today. For the practice exam, you need to enter the old meal center on your own, avoiding all the dangers wandering around in there, and collect four numbers distributed randomly around the place. That’s totally all there is to it☆”
(Dangers, huh? So it’s like a test of courage in an abandoned building. I thought it would have something to do with monsters, but this sounds worse than I thought. They’re not going to ensure the monsters are at a level the students can defeat on their own. In quantity or quality.)
The prep schools were not compulsory education, so some girls diligently listened to the instructor while others continued their work. And Schanze wasn’t going to repeat herself either. The students could be seen as disrespectful, but unlike the boring classes of compulsory education, they could be greedy when it came to getting a leg up on the competition.
“The inside of that building is totally a labyrinth, so you can never know what objects inside will turn into a monster and attack you. There could also be false rumors and misinformation coming from the other students. You can try to take the easy way out and ask someone else for the numbers if you want, but keep in mind that you’ll only be throwing away your own future if you screw that up and end up with bogus numbers. You can diligently search them all out, you can gather a few and estimate what the rest must be, or you can rely on your network of friends. From here on, it’s totally up to you. Good luck!!”
Even in the same prep school, all of the students were rivals.
And this was the official practice exam. Girls from every prep school and from all over the land would be flying to that old meal center in ruthless competition. They would be spreading as much misinformation as they could, so you couldn’t expect to find the answers through cooperation.
The broom maintenance didn’t last forever.
Repeating the process over and over when it wasn’t necessary could actually wear out the parts or cause a malfunction.
“Ugh. I need something to keep me busy.”
“Viocia. While this is a practice exam, there are no safety measures inside that old meal center. The things wandering the building will truly be trying to take your life. You can’t defeat them all and you’ll end up having to escape most of them with low-altitude flight. Obviously you need to avoid running into walls, but just remember what you always do and be careful.”
“What I always do? You mean nap and scribble in my notes?”
Maybe expecting basic exam-taking knowledge from her had been a mistake.
With nothing left to do, the future witches gathered by the windows with Formula Brooms in hand. Silver-haired Melehe gripped her broom tight and bandage zombie girl Dorothea retied the white bandage around her forehead like a headband. Maybe it helped her focus.
They were all waiting for the next booming siren.
Yagoro wasn’t as restless as Viocia, but he did wonder if a long wait or a short one was easier here.
Then the time came.
The artificial boom of the siren shook the entire city of marble and obsidian.
Every window opened at once.
And not just at Carraway Cs. At every prep school across Temple School City.
The old meal center jutted out diagonally from the central lake to lean over the city in a kilometers-long fan shape, so it wasn’t a place one simply walked to.
The witches mounted their brooms and jumped from the windows. Confident Melehe and even timid Dorothea stared directly at their destination and flew up into the night sky.
There was nothing left for a tutor to do.
“Viocia!!”
“I know, teacher! I’m off!!”
8
How long had it been?
Myousou Yagoro stared up into the night sky from the window of Carraway Cs Prep School’s structure building.
He could see an occasional flash of light from the windows of the old meal center, forming a towering diagonal fan shape up above. The witches searching the interior were probably using magic.
“How long are you going to stay by the window? This is going to be a long night. I mean, they’re supposed to collect four numbers? Even if they can totally fly at supersonic speed, finding just four numbers in that giant labyrinth has to be hell. That’s like clam digging over a space of 10km or more.”
“Now this is a surprise, don’tcha think, Schanze? You don’t normally wait for your students to return.”
“Don’t be stupid. Prep school instructors are totally required to be rescue personnel in case of emergency.”
Which meant she was paid for this part. And as long as she was getting paid, it was just like Schanze to actually obey that responsibility no matter how dangerous it got.
“And this is only a practice exam. The real exam is so much worse, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
What was going on in there? There had to be a lot of things wandering that abandoned building and the students could try to sabotage each other as well. Their task was to collect four numbers. There would be baseless misinformation going around and some girls might try writing fake numbers on the wall.
Their lives were at risk.
Even if the witch responsible only saw it as a harmless bit of sabotage, it could lead to a serious injury.
“So it has finally begun,” said an old man with a bald head and bushy white beard who had appeared at some point.
Even Yagoro had failed to notice his arrival.
He wore the thick robe that was seen as a symbol of the educated class in this world, but he was a man. It seemed strange for a man to be headmaster of a witch school, but this was a prep school. Running one of those required business acumen more than magical knowledge and skills.
Plus, everyone was focused out the window at the moment.
“I so wish I could do this for her,” said Yagoro.
“Same. Assuming they would totally pay me extra of course☆”
9
10
Today’s Quiz 3
| Back to Episode 2 | Return to Main Page | Forward to Episode 4 |
