On a Godless Planet:Volume3A Chapter 8
Chapter 8: Greatest Heavyweights[edit]
–Like this and this and this.
Do you get it now?
●
“Now,” said Scarecrow, gathering everyone’s attention.
“Sumeragi-kun? You already studied part of what Kido-san and the others talked about, didn’t you?”
“Yes! That the way the gods in the myths do things is linked to the way of life of the people who worshiped them, right!?”
<Ehh!? This must be a trick. How could you know that!?>
“Stop that, Balancer. It’s rude to my Izumi.”
“That’s right, Balancer! You’re being rude to Sumeragi-kun!”
After their near simultaneous rebukes, the goddesses exchanged a glance.
“Douhai-san.”
“Right, Kido-san!”
They took each other’s hand and raised them in a sort of handshake. When the human saw it…
“Busty goddesses holding and shaking hands is…so beautiful.”
“I hope they have what I’m looking for…”
Mr. V walked in just then, his eyes stopping on the handshaking goddesses.
“…”
He then shut the half-opened door and left.
Scarecrow sent him a divine transmission.
“Hold on, Mr. V! What kind of reaction was that!?”
“I could tell something I want no part of is going on in there.”
“What makes you so sure!?”
He hung up on her.
Meanwhile, the human rested his elbow on Balancer and got to talking.
“What’s that? You want to know how I could know that? That’s cause Kido-senpai did such a great job explaining it and because you explained it using big boobs. If you don’t mind me rolling my r, it was yourrrrr doing.”
“Ha ha. Congratulations on being useful to the human, Balancer.”
<Was the cold laughter really necessary, Kuwajiri!? And a clever AI will never let a damn, dirty ape get under their skin!>
Is that AI okay?
Seems to me he’s already gotten under your skin, but maybe AIs see things differently.
But anyway…
“Senpai-san, we know Sumeragi-kun understands, but do you have a proper understanding as the terraforming lead?”
●
I answered Scarecrow-san’s question with a nod.
“Yes! The way the gods in the myths do things is linked to the way of life of the people who worshiped them, right!?”
“…”
“But do you know what that means?”
“H-how rude! Of course I do!”
“Then can you explain it to me?”
Umm…
“The people who worship a goddess who failed to get married will fail to get married themselves?”
“Wouldn’t a people like that die out in only a few generations?”
<Also, why do you focus so much on your amusing stories and not your authority?>
“I-it was not amusing! And, Kuwajiri-san, thank you for the succinct explanation for my lack of popularity!”
“Umm.”
Oops. I was worrying my superior. So I recalled what Kido-san had said earlier. That told me what I needed to say here.
“Barbarians who lived by hunting animals will end up end up coming up with a goddess with her boobs out like Kido-san?”
“They are not ‘out’! They are covered by tights!”
“…”
Oh, Scarecrow-san’s silent smile is so painful! Someone like Kido-san who actually responds is so much better.
…My social skills are so bad I’m only just now learning these things!
<Are you enjoying how terrible you are?>
“H-how rude! And stop making it feel like you can read my mind!”
Anyway, Scarecrow-san was probably doing a patience check, so I got to thinking. What did it mean for there to be a link between the gods and the people’s way of life?
“Oh.”
“What is it, Izumi?”
“I just realized I ate a bunch of curry for lunch, but you and Senpai made bentos, didn’t you? I completely forget with everything else going on. Sorry.”
“Since we made them, they should keep for a while.”
That led me to the answer.
“Their lifestyle!”
●
I had an epiphany.
“It’s all about their lifestyle! How the humans lived their lives and how their society worked leads to the specific protections and knowledge they would want from the gods, which becomes the traits and way of life of the gods in their myths! So the humans and gods would share a lifestyle!”
<I see. A good answer. ...Their lifestyle! is a good answer. But Iwanaga-hime, if I might make a suggestion…>
“Did I get something wrong?”
The screen tilted in thought before speaking.
<Nowadays, most people would use the English word for lifestyle.>
“W-well excuse me for being an ancient Japanese shut in!!”
●
Balancer nodded at the goddess’s answer.
<Yes, it comes down to their lifestyle – which most people in Japan would use the English word for in this day and age.>
“W-will you please drop it! Sorry for being so old-fashioned!”
Balancer realized that agreeing would probably get them eliminated, but denying it would probably be annoying in its own way. So they decided to ignore her comment altogether.
<What made you reach that answer just now?>
“Eh? Oh, because of Kido-san. Mentioning me cooking with her reminded me of what she said about Scythian mythology. And how most of their worship went to a fire and beast god called…Tabiti, I think?”
And…
“Thinking back, when Kido-san cooked during our camping trip, she cooked with a stove and made curry with lots of meat in it, which means ‘fire and beasts’. Kido-san isn’t that kind of god herself, but her lifestyle must have incorporated that god’s way of doing things.”
“I agree. If the gods and humans’ lifestyles are too different, the gods cannot act as a model for the people and they cannot provide appropriate protections. That would eliminate most of the reason for worshiping them.”
“Really, Temanko!? I guess it would be hard to worship the god of big boobs if she was flat-chested and she would have a hard time giving anyone big boobs blessings!”
“I would really prefer not to agree with that, but yes.”
“I see! …Senpai! I’m so glad you’re my god!”
“And I’m happy to have you as a believer.”
<It’s a really good thing he isn’t worshiping you as a god of marriage.>
“You can keep these thoughts to yourself!”
But they were approaching an understanding of the topic.
<For example, Kido’s worshipers and Bilgamesh and Ki’s worshipers had very different lifestyles. Same for the Norse group. You must think up a base capable of absorbing as many of those differences as possible.>
●
“For reference, how do people live where you’re from, Kido-san?”
“As history’s first equestrian nomads, they generally wandered in wagons and spent the nights in tents.”
“Tents!? They had that kind of technology back then!?”
“We’re only talking about 2700 years ago. Yes, they had tents back then.”
“Sorry, Scythian representative, but we are late-comers from only around 1300 years ago, so that’s a double score loss for you.”
“If you base it on when our myths were compiled, then we’re from 900 years ago.”
“Shifu-san, I think that one is pushing it!”
●
“But,” I said.
“The tents used by the Scythians were not shelters for use out in the fields. They were more like mobile homes. The Tibetan ger is probably the closest example nowadays.”
“Ger!? You sure you don’t mean gel!? Like you’d enter the mobile home to find it covered in a gel, making it all wet and messy!? Ahh! The stickiness is breaking my mind! Talk about an indecent mobile home! And after you’re fully broken, you turn into a monstrous Tentgeruge!”
“What are you even talking about?”
“Minor correction for that last part: the monsters in Choujin Barom 1 all have ‘ruge’ added to the end of their names. Only some of their names end in ‘geruge’.”
“Wait!? Really!?”
<Really. Geruge was only added when the original creature’s name was only two kana long, which you can see with Ikageruge and Udegeruge. So a tent-based one, would probably be called Tentruge.>
After explaining that, Balancer sank down with a sigh. The tilted screen then turned toward Izumi.
<Acting like you know what you’re talking about is how you make these minor mistakes, ape.>
“D-damn! I’m working off the knowledge gained from watching a few reruns here and there, so how about cutting me some slack!”
“I’m still not sure what you’re talking about.”
“This isn’t even a 90s thing. It’s a tokusatsu show from the 70s.”
Douhai-san accepted that answer and then asked me a question with a sidelong glance at Izumi and Balancer trading insults.
“So what are these mobile homes called gers?”
“Two pillars are erected in the center to support the roof, a circular wall is made by combining trees into a diagonal mesh, and then the outside and roof are covered in cloth and fur. A stove is built in the center and there is a vent in the center of the roof.”
“They are made to live in instead of just sleep in and they are portable. Thus, mobile homes. Conversely, the tents we used when camping in Okutama weren’t made to live inside, so they are only shelters.”
“Yes,” I agreed.
“Herodotus left records related to the Scythians and this kind of circular tent with two pillars has been passed down by the equestrian peoples of Central Asia. And even when the Scythians settled north of the Black Sea, they mostly used that kind of tent as homes.”
<That is correct. The Scythians were a belligerent warrior state, so even after settling they would send everyone to the battlefield, including the women and children. So most Scythians used homes that could be quickly dismantled and moved. But…>
“But what?”
I could guess what Balancer was getting at, so I answered.
“Even the Scythians eventually began living in homes of stone or brick. Do you know why that is, Douhai-san?”
●
“Eh!? But I thought the Scythians loved war and used mobile homes. Wouldn’t a nomad be yes-mad about having to stay put?””
“I’ll just ignore that weird joke, but the point is they ceased to be that way.”
“Does it go back to the influx of Greek culture?”
“Not quite, actually. There was a hint in what I told you about Scythian history earlier.”
“Um,” said Douhai-san, crossing her arms in thought. Next to her, Izumi was bouncing up and down.
“By Scythian history, do you mean that stuff about them going to Asia and then coming back? I wonder if they just got really excited about going east. Y’know, like that Whatever-it-was Japan stuff!”
Izumi tilted his head for a moment.
“Exed Exes Japan, maybe?”
“Not even close, but that reference really takes me back.”
“Eh? Eh? It was a reference?”
“What did you think it was?”
“I thought he’d come up with a new form of worship.”
I noticed level up Revelation Boards around me.
“How did that happen?”
“I think that was his way of worshiping you as a Scythian?”
Why was that a question? And my level up rate was more subdued than hers. Based on the level up Revelation Boards appearing for her…
“Your system must be passing some of it on to me.”
“I’m sure I’ll be relying on you even more in the future, so thanks in advance.”
“Hooray! I’m useful! I’m like a living bribe for Senpai!”
Izumi ducked down and twisted around in a weird pose.
“Briiiiibe!”
Everyone watched as more level up Revelation Boards appeared around Douhai-san.
Eventually, some of them exchanged a glance.
“I feel like there’s something wrong with how that’s set up.”
“It’s way too lax. Like literally anything can count as worship.”
“All programs have their bugs.”
“Heyyyy! Quit questioning how my faith is set up! What I’m doing is legit worship! Right, Balancer!?”
<I think anything works as long as Senpai-san’s chest is in his field of view?>
“Speak with statements, not questions!!”
“What was that about Whatever-it-was Japan?”
“I’m not familiar with that one either, so I would like to know too.”
<Oh, that.> Balancer nodded. <Exotic Japan was a National Railways personal travel campaign following in the footsteps of Discover Japan. It ran from 1984 to 1987. The phrase was included in Go Hiromi’s 240 Million Eyes and that was used in the ads as the campaign song, so it was discussed a lot while the campaign was ongoing.>
“Wait, but didn’t National Railways…?”
<Correct. Their poor finances and other factors led to them becoming JR in 1987. The know-how accumulated through Discover Japan and the other major campaigns was taken in by JR and JR’s personal travel campaigns used them as the base for their ads and everything else.>
●
“I see,” I nodded. And then Kidou-san smiled and spoke.
“If we look at Scythian history through the lens of the Divine States-World Correspondence, how far would we be traveling?”
“From Hyogo to Osaka and Sakai. For people who live there, it’s a short trip that barely even feels like a trip at all.”
“That really isn’t very much…”
Then I realized something. As a trip, that wasn’t very far. But…
“Did the Scythians rule their conquered land?”
“Yes, they did. They also received assistance from skilled kings and gained a lot of political experience.”
In that case…
“The Scythians stopped using just mobile homes because they made inroads into Asia, I’ll bet. When they first took over the area north of the Black Sea, they didn’t properly rule it, but when they went to Asia, they needed to actually rule their conquered lands. They also got help from other kings, which must have required settling down.”
●
Kido-san nodded at what I said. She didn’t have the most expressive face, but I saw a distinct smile there.
“That’s right. The lands they conquered of course had cities and fortresses, so they could no longer live without using such things.”
“Because the original kingdoms functioned by using them.”
“North of the Black Sea was a rural land with lots of barbarian peoples like the Scythians themselves. The level of culture and civilization there was nothing like Asia’s major kingdoms. In the end, the Scythians could not handle the politics well enough and were driven out of Asia, returning to north of the Black Sea, but by then they understood what they lacked, as well as what their strengths and weaknesses were.”
What did that tell them? Kido-san explained.
“They knew they could not survive an age of war between different states if they remained equestrian nomads without true settlements.”
●
So what did the Scythians do first?
Kido spoke of her believers’ rougher but wiser side.
“The Scythians were weak in agriculture and production. So the slaves they had brought with them and the slaves they had acquired while reconquering north of the Black Sea were made into agricultural workers, but they were also made members of the Scythian state.”
Also…
“The peoples of different clans and conquered lands were given the roles of royals, farmers, producers, bureaucrats, etc, creating a large combined state. Fifty years after being driven out of Asia for their poor governing, they had created a system even more efficient than other states.”
●
Fascinating, thought Bilgamesh.
“So nomads decided they wanted a state. It makes sense. But they did well to realize a state is a ‘collection of functions’ not a bloodline, military might, or a political entity.”
“I am honored to have them praised by a king as great as you. But the Scythians clung onto their meat-centric diet and production of woolen goods, so they couldn’t completely break free of their nomadic lifestyle in the fields north of the Black Sea.”
“That would be one of their traits as a state. There are several things we could never shake either.”
Bilgamesh then turned to the Shinto lifespan goddess.
“This has major implications.”
“It does, doesn’t it?”
“Eh!? Eh!? What do you mean, Apology Man!? Feeling a hankering for some apologizing!?”
“Not yet.”
“What do you mean ‘yet’?”
“Sorry.”
“…”
“Ahhh! Was that my fault!?”
“Yup! It’s all thanks to you, Busty Mesopotamian! Nice apologizing!”
<Isn’t it irritating when he gets like this, Kidou?>
“Honesty, it doesn’t bother me much. I wonder why. Maybe I just tune it out as background noise.”
“H-hey, that really hurts, you know!? But I’m alright! I’m used to being tuned out as background noise! Yes, my voice is as beautiful as the cicadas crying in the summer evenings! Which means you think I’m as precious as the short-lived cicada!”
“So is that you sucking up the tree juices and making all those concerning noises in the evenings?”
“Don’t call it tree juices! And I need to suck up that tree-y goodness to live my life as a cicada! It’s as valuable to me as big boobs!”
What is he event talking about anymore?
“You don’t need to act that much like a cicada.”
That much made sense. And setting aside the cicada talk, the Scythian representative had been hinting at…
“Are you saying a god from any land would be willing to change their lifestyle if it would bring them an advantage?”
“I’d like to say their taboos are an exception, but the Scythians started eating pork, which used to be taboo, so cultural changes can happen there too.”
And…
“The Scythians vanished as a state after a few painful losses in battle. The Scythian people remained, but they had less land for roaming and they were forced to settle. They ultimately had no choice but to acclimate to whatever region they found themselves in. The rest follows the usual pattern: decline leads to destruction through absorption.”
●
“In Europe, Greek influence began around the border between BCE and CE and Christian influence took over after that.”
Kido-san smiled a little at Shifu-san’s comment.
“Thank you for that.”
“Eh? I thought, wondering why Kido-san was thanking Shifu-san.
Then Scarecrow-san spoke up.
“It almost sounds like you’re saying all European mythologies end up that way.”
“Don’t they?”
“Not quite.”
“Eh? Eh? You mean that wasn’t a self-deprecating remark to say ‘European mythologies all end up being overwritten by Greek or Christian culture, so don’t worry about it’?”
“When has Shifu-senpai ever been self-deprecating?”
“Hey, that’s not exactly a compliment.”
“So what would a self-deprecating Shifu-senpai be like!? Something like, ‘Huh, this shirt doesn’t fit. Maybe I’m a little too big’?”
“…”
“What’s your problem, Kuwajiri!? I meant her height, not her boobs!”
Everyone looked to Kuwajiri-san.
She held her palm out toward us and then exited the library. Eventually, the wall bordering the hallway shook and she returned.
We gave her an “are you alright?” look, so she responded.
“I’m fine. I brought that one on myself.”
“Hmm. I’ve honestly never really thought of myself as tall since Tooru’s always by my side.”
“What about your boobs!? This is important information for my faith!”
“I mean, my boobs are…well, look.”
Shifu-san called over Raidou-san. He approached, wondering what this was about, and she stood up and used her hands to measure the width of her own chest and the width of Raidou-san’s chest.
“The perfect width.”
“Hi, I’m width.”
“C’mon, don’t be like that.”
Tenma-san’s hand went up.
“Is there any advantage to having matching widths?”
“Look.”
Shifu-san took Raidou-san’s hands while he stood behind her and crossed his arms in front of her.
“We can do this with ease.”
●
“Y-you could really flirt like that! Couldn’t you, Kido-san!?”
“Is there no issue with the depth?”
“Don’t call it depth.”
“Speaking of depth, I want a second fridge for beer, but they don’t sell any with a depth of at least 50cm.”
“Why are none of you capable of staying on topic?”
“It’s a real shame because they were just about to get to some good sexy talk.”
“Wait, was I just compared to a fridge?”
●
“Don’t worry! Senpai and I don’t have matching widths, but that just gives us more margin for her boobs to crush me when she hugs me! I might end up passing out from the boob-crushing, but that’s perfectly fine since that’s just her way of rewarding a believer!”
“You could suffocate to death, so be careful, okay?”
“If you give me more work by dying that way, I will complain about it, so be careful.”
“I will…”
●
“Anyway, what do you mean that wasn’t a self-deprecating remark?”
“A detailed expression would be a huge diversion, but Scythian culture and a lot of cultures influenced by them moved from Europe to Asia, right? And those cultures are still around and passed down today.”
“No one really believes in our Norse mythology anymore thanks to Christianity taking over, but the myths are still told as stories.”
“The point is,” said Kido-san.
“These things don’t disappear so easily.”
●
I see, I thought, but I also realized something else.
“In Japan, we say anywhere can be a home, but this must mean other countries see things the same way.”
“As long as it’s more convenient than the last place and it doesn’t violate any of your taboos, then it’s good enough.”
“Yes. That is why I use politics to effect reform and societal change. If you want things to change for the benefit of your people, you must also accept that these things can change by moving to a new home.”
“In that case,” said Kido-san.
“Douhai-san, you may have an advantage.”
“Yes. I think she does too.”
“Eh? How?”
“Your boobs are both big and well balanced! Oh! C-could that be because of my presence!? Yes, it must be! My worship has increased your level so much your boobs have become far more holy than the other gods! I will prostrate myself right here in the clubroom, so give me a second!”
“Izumi? By that logic, I would also have an advantage because I receive a portion of that worship.”
“Eh!? Oh! You’re right! …How can this be!? Is my worship not helping!? Then what should I do!? Choose from the following list!
“1. Worship Senpai’s boobs even harder.
“2. Worship Senpai’s boobs with greater accuracy.
“3. Worship Senpai’s boobs more often.
“Which will it be!? Or is the question too difficult!?”
“Um, Sumeragi-kun, calm down.”
“Okay, I’ve calmed down.”
“Wow, that was fast. …Anyway, I think I know why they say I have an advantage.”
If it wasn’t Sumeragi-kun’s worship, there was only one other possibility.
“I know a fair amount about this 90s Japan environment.”
●
“That’s it,” said Kidou. “When we first came to this divine world and descended to this land, I had no idea what I was looking at, but I’d calmed down some by the time we traveled from Tokyo Station to Tachikawa. Once we arrived, I got really excited buying clothes at Will.”
“Oh, and you met me there.”
“Right. We visited a lot of different places afterwards, met up with all of you, and started living here,” she said. “This age is just so comfortable.”
●
“I will admit the variety and convenience of the food here is a plus, but I was treated as a king back home. I didn’t even have to ask to be served food. So really, it’s more inconvenient here because I have to go out to eat or buy ingredients and cook them.”
“But that’s all because you were a king.”
“Precisely. If I eliminate the bias in my personal treatment, what feels like an inconvenience to me here would likely be considered convenient to the gods who served me.”
“Right,” said the thunder god’s wife. “You can go to the supermarket and they generally have what you want, or you can go into town and get what you want. And the convenience stores are open 24 hours.”
“Production, distribution, and the communication linking them have been developed so much. It costs money, but the ordinary citizens can be supplied with something close to what was royal treatment for us.”
What did all this mean?
“For most mythologies, what you supply as a lifespan god should receive approval by the standards of this divine world.”
●
Kuwajiri raised her hand.
“If possible, I want our base to have a microwave.”
“What are you planning to cook?”
“Frozen foods.”
“Hmm? But then we’ll need electricity.”
“Oh, well, we had that at the base when we did our terraforming.”
Hearing that, Shifu clapped her hands.
“Oh, I’d forgotten Tooru could store electricity with his thunder god protection! We don’t get that here!”
“Right. And his thunder god protection made things a lot easier for us. We didn’t need a fridge or freezer because the land was so frigid, though.”
“I’ve leveled up from width to generator.”
“C’mon, don’t be like this.”
“Um, would my thunderstorms not work?”
<Wouldn’t wind power generation be easier in that case? Oh, and you can bring power over from the divine world, but think of that as a last resort because this is supposed to be a terraforming by the gods.>
And…
<Anything the terraforming gods can’t create can be brought over from the divine world, but make sure you actually purchase those things.>
“So the same rules as when we did it?”
<Correct. Because I am a fair AI.>
That will make this difficult, thought Kuwajiri.
●
Scarecrow thought to herself while watching Senpai-san groan in thought.
…At least she’s actually thinking about it.
She was starting by wondering what she should do.
Now that they had a human, the terraforming would be led by what the human wanted. That was the terraforming policy and the job for the gods doing the actual work.
Creating a base meant creating a home for the gods, so it was also divine work.
“Sumeragi-kun, what do you want for the divine base?”
“A giant bath would be great!”
“You had that answer ready to go, huh?”
Senpai-san clearly didn’t know what to say, but by taking in his hopes, she could at least patch them together to have a direction in mind.
…Then she just needs to acquire the knowledge necessary to make a decision.
“This has been a lot, hasn’t it? How about you take those books home and organize your thoughts?”
As soon as Scarecrow said that, a Revelation Board opened. She looked up and saw the others had identical lights next to them.
“Hey, are you all done talking? Because something really funny is happening.”
“What is it now, Omokane-san?”
“Well,” said Omokane over the divine transmission. “I was planning to gather all the creator gods to have a meeting of the gods concerning the flood, but a visitor showed up and is causing some trouble. A minor fight has broken out.”
“Report these things before they reach this point!!”’
●
TJ saw someone in the rainy club building courtyard.
“Aaaand more trouble has arrived.”
A tall figure stood in the courtyard entrance.
The young man had his long white hair swept back. He was still out in the rain, but he just stood there in a dark blue raincoat with a few guards watching him from a short distance.
All of them were fairly big names in their mythology, so who was this they were cautious to approach?
“The Greek sea god Poseidon. A huge name like that shouldn’t just be waltzing in here.”
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