On a Godless Planet:Volume2B Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Double Switch

–From one thing to another and from one thing and another.

●

Shifu thought their dinner was well-balanced.

It was curry.

“That’s some curry, all right.”

She quite liked curry. She considered it a type of stew and she thought of it as mostly a vegetable dish even if it had meat in it too. But…

“You gave it more of a meat focus.”

“You all seem more carnivorous than most, so I took that into account.”

And this was the result.

“I used very little water and focused on the meat. I first took the vegetables I used for the soup and crushed them into a paste. Then I cooked the curry in that paste. For the meat, I cut away the excess fat, skewered it, and lightly grilled it before letting it cook with the rest.”

“I thought it looked like a lot more food than I expected. But that makes sense if you did it with so little water.”

“The vegetables are quite sweet, so I used spicier curry roux. I removed the fat from the meat because, with so much meat, it would get in the way of the roux’s fat otherwise.”

“Um, and why do I find it so easy to eat?”

“That is simply because the curry itself is vegetable based and I grilled the meat before boiling, which makes the meat easier to make out when scooping it up.”

“Yeah, I get that. I always go straight for the meat, but Senpai-chan only gets a little while focusing on the veggies. Also, the grilling gives the meat a nice aroma and lets it keep its shape, so the flavor isn’t as strong.”

“Why did you use skewers instead of just using the grill directly?”

“Directly on the grill, the meat is heated evenly by the surface of the grill, so that part will toughen up. But if you use a skewer, the heat gets into the joints and gaps in the meat, which helps the heat reach the entirety of the meat. The latter method helps the meat hold its shape, so even if it’s chopped up or falls apart in the pot, it will still form solid ‘chunks’.”

“I see,” said Shifu, looking forward.

The curry plates were made of paper. Everyone had their own way of scooping it onto their plate, but Shifu put the rice on the right and the roux on the left. But there were chunks of meat leaning out from the roux onto the rice.

The meat was hot and cooked, so it easily split when she pushed her spoon along the grain.

Those splits were definitely unusual. It wouldn’t split from just anywhere and they were mainly found between the lean meat and the fascia.

They hadn’t had time to cook the meat long enough for the flavor to soak in, but…

“That’s why it goes well with spicy vegetable curry.”

“If it seems too bland, you can add Worcestershire sauce or soy sauce.”

“Eh? Soy sauce?”

“Yes. A lot of people use soy sauce for extra flavor in Kansai.”

<In Kantou, Worcestershire sauce is the more common choice for curry, but in Kansai – primarily in Osaka – soy sauce is more common. Japan as a whole is split approximately 7:3 between Worcestershire sauce and soy sauce.>

“Worcestershire sauce more sharply brings out the flavor and aroma of the spices, whereas soy sauce’s stronger flavor blunts them.”

“Right.” Sumeragi-chan nodded. “This one time I made curry, I tried adding coffee as a secret ingredient. So I got some instant coffee and was just about to put it in when I realized I didn’t have spoon handy. So I thought I would just tilt the bottle to pour a bit in, but I got a little carried away and dumped it all in.”

“D-did you eat that?”

“I did, but while it smelled like curry, the instant I took a bite, it transformed from curry into this sweet bitterness. I never knew a flavor could tell you so clearly that a food is bad for your health.”

<Caffeinated curry is going to be bad for you no matter what, ape.>

“You invented that memory!”

Shifu had her doubts about that one.

●

Oh, this is good with soy sauce, was a new discovery for me.

I knew I had my own tastes, but this reminded me of that stuff that soba shops like to call curry. The flavor was strong and deep.

“If you use it like a secret ingredient, it gets a really Japanese flavor.”

“I thought it would be best if the curry itself wasn’t too spicy, but I see you prefer the vegetables. If you make this with potatoes, it would be a lot like a thicker meat-and-potato stew.”

That was true. But this curry had lots of vegetables, it had meat, and the spices count as “medicine”, right? In that case…

“It’s like a whole meal in one dish!”

“It is a little high on calories. I thought that would be good to build up everyone’s strength on the first day.”

Then Sumeragi-kun spoke up next to me.

“Oh, it’s true. The soy sauce really works! It makes the flavor a lot deeper, just like you said, Senpai!”

“Doesn’t it? This is a great discovery.”

“Hee hee. I’m glad you like it. I prefer soy sauce as well.”

Kido-san checked on the state of our plates and got up.

“Would you like more?”

●

“I’ve always believed soy sauce is the greatest of all sauces and this is only reinforcing that belief.”

“But they don’t have soy sauce in Europe. Because soy beans won’t grow in European soil.”

“Soy sauce itself is a relatively new seasoning.”

“It is? The bottles they sell it in at the supermarket give it a very traditional look.”

“That’s true.” Tenma nodded. “The one seasoning common to every part of the world is probably salt. And once people learn how to preserve foods with salting, they automatically gain long-term fermented foods as well. These generally take the form of pastes or sauces. In Japan, it was shiokara and miso. This was known as hishio in ancient times.”

“In our homeland, we would salt seafood and locusts and make a fermented sauce out of them.”

“Locusts!? Then again, we do make tsukudani out of grasshoppers in Japan.”

<You can think of it as eating insects if you wish, but if you think of it as the base ingredient for a sauce, it provides protein and flavor and ends up with a flavor similar to using soy sauce as a base.>

“There’s more to this than I thought.”

“Also, Japan has long salted beans, turned them into a very moist semiliquid, and used that as a seasoning. That is the origin of what is now known as miso.”

“And Japan has extracted soy sauce from that since ancient times?”

“No, it remained that ancient miso for a very long time. It may have helped that it was a semiliquid already, but they didn’t seem to see a demand for a new sauce. But as production grew, the ratio of beans used to create it grew and it turned into a paste. By the 10th century, they would use miso as a snack to go with their drinks.”

“I need to try that sometime.”

That was her takeaway?

Had they switched from discussing soy sauce to discussing drink accompaniments? But as a knowledge god, Tenma continued speaking, aware of everyone’s eyes gathering on her.

“As miso turned into a paste, the surface of it would automatically ferment from the yeast in the air, creating a liquid. That is a soy sauce known as tamari. The exact timeframe isn’t known, but this began sometime around the Kamakura period and had become a common seasoning by the 16th century. In the 17th century, the people realized it could be made the same way as sake, so it became mass produced, leading to today.”

“I was going to question that it’s the same way as sake, but since Japanese soy sauce uses alcoholic fermentation, I guess it would be off limits for gods or religions that aren’t okay with alcohol.”

“The tamari I mentioned before does not use alcoholic fermentation, so it would be fine. If necessary, they could use that instead.”

But anyway.

“My lifetime was just barely before tamari. But it was discovered in China during the 5th century, so I probably would have encountered soy sauce had I worked as an envoy to Tang China.”

“Indoorsy people tend to gather knowledge but not experiences.”

“Exactly. Tang China was declining, but its culture lived on. After coming here, I realized how much I missed out on. Food is necessary for life, but even that had pieces I could have discovered back then that are now ubiquitous.”

“And that’s why you like soy sauce?”

“It’s basically cheating because it has all the refinement of a later-developed seasoning.”

“What do you mean?”

“Japanese soy sauce uses a long aging process to acclimate the strong saltiness with the flavor of the soy and the sweetness of the wheat. A long time is spent for those simple flavors to join together into a single whole.”

But…

“Other countries’ soy sauces have a shorter aging process and tend to include a lot of additives. So while they have the same base ingredients, they spend a shorter time compressing several different factors together. This creates a notable difference, so if you think of Japanese soy sauce as the basic form, then the versions in other countries are like a different sauce made by mixing in several other ingredients.”

“Even the Western Worcestershire sauce ferments a mixture of seasonings so you can enjoy a more complex flavor, so Japanese soy sauce really is an outlier.”

“This isn’t to say that either way is better than the other, but I think it makes Japanese soy sauce a seasoning that can go with anything, just like salt.”

<Asia in particular has a wide variety of soy sauces. And I don’t mean their basic soy sauces – I mean everything that falls in the “soy sauce” category. For example, there are soy sauces with artificial flavors added in like lemon soy sauce. These are more intended for use in different kinds of dishes. China divides soy sauces between the sheng chou, which are used to provide flavor, and the lao chou, which are used to provide color. The former has a lighter flavor and the latter is more like caramel.>

“All of those things the Japanese would call a ‘special soy sauce’ are just considered soy sauce over there, so all of the different stews and whatnot in Chinese cooking are normally said to be flavored with soy sauce. But to us, the flavor is soy sauce plus something extra.”

“Is it like the difference between Worcestershire sauce and Chuno sauce? That sounds like it could be an interesting conversation too.”

“Since foreign soy sauces are an entire category, it is fun to collect the different types. Meanwhile, Japanese soy sauce is such a basic sauce that it can work as a seasoning for curry just fine. Coming back to the curry conversation, Worcestershire sauce would give it a more complex and acidic flavor, while soy sauce would give it a saltier scent and flavor.”

“Worcestershire sauce and soy sauce seem so similar, but I guess they bring something very different to what you use them to season.”

●

While everyone else discussed Worcestershire sauce and soy sauce, Kuwajiri was focused on the river.

The river spirits would occasionally poke their heads above the surface, but the frequency of this was falling. Evening had already ended and it was becoming night.

The river spirits were supposed to take action if anything happened, but what about during the night? What kind of temperament did Japanese river spirits have, anyway? She had no knowledge on this topic.

She was curious.

Then she saw something small next to the river.

A white animal. A weasel.

“What is a weasel doing here?”

“It must have a divine rank. It was caught by the security barrier we put up.”

Raidou opened a Revelation Board. By then, everyone had quit their sauce discussion and were all looking in the same direction as Kuwajiri.

“I like my tempura with soy sauce, but for some reason I absolutely need Worcestershire sauce when it’s sweet potato tempura!”

The idiot could continue talking about that forever for all Kuwajiri cared.

But someone recognized the animal looking unsure what to do after Raidou’s security barrier stopped it.

“I think that is Omokane-senpai’s Shitaharu.”

●

Shifu clapped her hands while Tenma rushed over to the ferret.

“Tenma-chaaan? Is this a secret message from Omokane-chan?”

“That is possible, so I will be in charge in revealing the information.”

That settled that, so for now…

“You go do whatever. We’ll ignore you for now.”

“How does Shinto even function?”

“I said we’re ignoring it.”

“Sorry,” apologized Mr. V with a bitter smile and a bow.

“He did come here for a reason. He must be worried about every little thing.”

“We were given jobs earlier, but if nothing happens, all we really have to do is eat some meat and sleep.”

“Then let’s talk about something that fits the camping mood better. …What’re we gonna do about baths?”

“Eh!? You mean we can turn this into a bath party!? But I don’t see a bath anywhere around here!”

<For your information, Okutama is a rare hot spring region within the Tokyo metropolitan area, so it does have its share of baths.>

“I read you loud and clear! So we’ve gotta dig, right!? Raidou-senpai! Grab that shovel and dig down into the riverside so we can have our bath party! …Hey! What’s that look for!? What, you don’t want to see Shifu-senpai in an open-air bath!?”

“I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to start digging.”

“You do, huh!?”

That got me a little excited. And a hand went up among those standing around eating.

“This means we have no bath tonight, doesn’t it?”

“I can summon water to wash my body and hair, but what about the rest of you?”

“Saunas are part of Finnish mythology, so we’ll probably use some of the simple washing spells found in just about any mythology.”

“My mythology requires actual bathing. Because we are nature gods and our jobs are not very specialized.”

“We have dry spells. It’s hard to explain, but we lower the moisture level to purify things.”

“I’m a cute goddess, so I’ll be fine without a bath, don’t you think?”

“Not so fast! At least start washing your hands after eating Karamucho! Our game club has a lot of rare games, so I don’t want to grab the controller in the clubroom and find it’s all sticky with Mucho Oil!”

“Huh!? I’m not that oily! I have pristine skin!! I have perfect goddess skin! I can hop right out of bed and look great! That’s just the kind of goddess I am!”

“En-chan? Doesn’t Eshita-chan have a ton of enemies? Especially among the goddesses?”

“Yeah. And she really rubs it in. She’ll go up to the goddess of an enemy city and say something like, ‘What!? You were so nervous about our war you couldn’t sleep and had the nerve to show up looking like that!? How ancient are you!? You have the skin of a corpse! Oh, sorry! You want to be a mummy in the future, don’t you!?’ She just gets worse from there, so the other goddess attacks with her full power right away, which puts our cities in a lot of danger.”

“It’s a good thing! It ensures it’s a quick war! You can finish fighting in a single afternoon and spend the night worshiping me!”

“Worship you with screams, maybe?”

“What an awful goddess of victory.”

“I am so sorry.”

“In that case,” someone said, raising her hand. It was Senpai.

“Purification is Shinto’s specialty, so I could give everyone purification spells.”

●

“You’re officially supposed to use the spring at a shrine or somewhere, but spells work well enough. I’ll write out my Auth Spell on pages from a notepad and pass them out, so just press those against your body or hair and it will purify them.”

This was Shinto’s specialty. Purification did not actually need charms.

“There are other ways of doing it, like holding a charm to your skin, so tell me if you want that instead. Shide and sakaki can be used for purification too. In a pinch, I can even recite a Shinto prayer.”

“Shinto has that many spells for it?”

“Shinto is the world’s top religion when it comes to purifying away impurities.”

“It does have its origins as the religion of the conquerors who wanted to purify the resentment from the souls of the conquered. Purifying ordinary impurities is simple in comparison.”

“It was one of the latest developed religions, but it’s a lot more specialized than general-use, huh?”

“If you look at everything as an impurity needing to be purified, then you could call it a specialized general-use religion that has found the optimal answer. But this means it can only ‘purify away difficulties’ and cannot actually increase your power.”

“What, so it can’t do that thing where it says ‘your strength has increased!’ and your STR stat goes up?”

“Shinto purification can only eliminate the impurities affecting the target. So if I wanted to increase your strength, I wouldn’t actually boost your strength. I would have to get rid of whatever was preventing you from using your strength – such as the weight of your equipment or any psychological factors. To put it another way, it allows you to draw on your true strength. That is the foundation of Shinto.”

“Eh!? You mean by being near you all the time, all my wicked thoughts are cleansed away and I’m as pure as the driven snow!? That means I’ve been Shinto castrated! And it means worshiping your boobs and viewing them from below is a pure act!”

“I think it means his wicked thoughts are more powerful than Shinto purification.”

“Maybe Senpai-chan can purify him once she levels up some more.”

“Are you always like this?”

“D-dammit! Even Mr. V is owning me! And to answer your question, yes, I’m always like this! Quake before the power of my big boobs worship!”

Kuwajiri-san approached Mr. V and whispered something in his ear.

Eventually, he nodded.

“I see.”

“Hold oooooon! Don’t get the wrong idea! I’m right here, so look at the real me! You can only find the truth here! Wait, this is turning into a sketchy seminar!”

“Um, Sumeragi-kun, calm down.”

“Deal. Never been calmer.”

“Wow, that was fast! Anyway…”

I looked over past the others, where Tenma-san walked back over with her hand raised. The rocky riverside crunched below her feet.

“Sorry. I was taking a look around based on Omokane-senpai’s report.”

“Can you tell us what she said?”

Tenma-san hesitated for a moment.

“She said she sensed the water monster during the day but that there generally isn’t anything to worry about.”

“Generally, huh?”

Shifu-san drew attention to that word, but Tenma-san only inclined her head a bit. That meant there was something more Omokane-san had asked her to keep quiet about.

That may have been why Shifu-san clapped her hands again.

“Then can I get one of those spells, Senpai-chan?”

“Eh? We’re going without a bath and then splitting between the boys and girls to use the spells inside the tents?”

“I didn’t say that. There’s no bath, but there is something else.”

●

“A shower room!?”

That was the “something else”.

They had just finished cleaning up after dinner.

“I can handle the cleanup and wash the dishes using my Auth Spells.”

They didn’t use the river for the dishes. So first they took the dishes and the pot to the camp’s wash area. Senpai’s spell was super cool.

How cool was it?

“Just sticking a charm on a scrubbing brush gets them this clean!?”

“Yes. The purification fully breaks down the filth, so it comes right off. And for the pot, if we fill it with water and soak a charm inside, it will break down everything that counts as ‘an impurity for the pot’.”

They watched as ether light scattered from the water filling the pot. Then the charm swelled out and grew dark.

“This is the impurity. The ether light you saw scattering was the purity found within the dishes. By breaking down, the purity returns to the world around us.”

Senpai pulled out the darkened charm and dropped it in the trash bag Shifu-senpai held out for her.

“That’s more powerful than my water purification since it can break down solids too. Mine is only a screening while yours is more of a disassembly.”

“That probably is the difference, yes. But yours is a lot easier and faster, so it would be the better choice if we need to purify a liquid. Like if we need drinking water right away.”

“What would your spell do if there was a whole steak left on the plate?”

“It wouldn’t work on that. The steak would have its own mold, so it would only count as an impurity if it were rotten or something like that. In this case, the curry and the pot have their own molds, but not enough of the curry is left to maintain its mold, so the remnants of the curry do count as an impurity when viewed from the pot’s perspective.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear! That means I wouldn’t be purified away if the bath was purified while I was in it, right!?”

“In your case, attaching one of those charms to you would probably make you vanish.”

“Tooru, background noise could be seen as a kind of impurity, right?”

“Not to mention a dung beetle.”

“H-hey, quit being so mean back to back like that! Show some restraint, people! Do you want this dung beetle to die!?”

“No, because it would mean more work for me.”

“Why would you say something so reasonable after all that?”

After we were done with that, Shifu-senpai took us over near the barbecue area for the mountain lodge.

You could get in and out by car and they had a small wash area and cooking area, but also…

“They have a shower room. It costs 200 yen for three minutes and there are two stalls.”

●

“This is not what I was picturing when I was told we would be camping out.”

<Most campsites in the Tokyo metropolitan area use bungalows and a lot of them don’t even have an additional tent site. Campsites with only a tent site have become quite rare. It is a sensible decision considering the shelter bungalows provide from the rain, how much easier they are to manage, and how much lower the accident rate is, but the biggest reason is the fact that very few families own a tent and camping gear even during the 90s outdoors boom.>

It was true I didn’t own a tent either. And the others had said they borrowed their gear as well.

“If you focus on the word ‘outdoors’, then I suppose all that matters is that you are outside. The lack of strict rules would make it more enjoyable for most.”

<People find hobbies and entertainment more enjoyable when they are intricate but not strict.>

“Hey! Kuwajiri! What’s that mean!?”

“Even your big boobs worship has a limit, right? That’s the basic idea.”

Izumi looked to Douhai-san, looked at me, and then turned back to Kuwajiri-san.

“Kuwajiri! You couldn’t be more right! My love of big ones has a big range of what I’m willing to accept, but I don’t get anything at all from you. Which means you’re right!”

“I didn’t ask to be a part of this.”

“She’s right, Sumeragi-kun. She doesn’t belong in this particular discussion.”

“Um, Senpai-san? That one hurt a lot, so try to be more careful.”

I was glad to see they all got along so well. After that, the door on the right of the shower room opened.

“All done! That felt great. The hot water is a wonder.”

“Did my spell work?”

“Perfectly. Shampoo probably wouldn’t have worked because my hair takes up so much space in the stall.”

Raidou-san had emerged earlier and he called over to her.

“Feeling better? You certainly look cleaner.”

“Ah ha ha. Sorry, but I got carried away and spent 1000 yen. Did I keep you waiting?”

“The time you spend keeping beautiful is worth a lot to me too, so I don’t mind at all.”

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere, you know?”

Meanwhile, some pale ether light began to rise from the surrounding woods and underbrush.

“Shifu-senpai’s good mood is causing the plants to grow.”

“Sh-she has a really powerful effect on the phase!”

“Both of us are pretty powerful in our spheres of influence.”

Raidou-san pointed downstream.

“Now, the Mesopotamians and Neptune went on ahead already, so we’ll be following them. That leaves the rest of you.”

“Sumeragi-kun and I will go next, so Kido-san and Kuwajiri-san can go last.”

“I will clean the showers real quick once we’re all done. My water should be perfect for that.”

“Excuse me then,” said Senpai-san, opening the shower room door with an Auth Spell charm, a change of clothes, and a towel in hand. Izumi opened the other door.

“Senpai! I’ll be worshiping you from in here, so make sure you get extra clean!”

Was that how it worked?

●

The hot water shower was 200 yen for 3 minutes. I had 500 yen of change on me, so I would be fine even if I didn’t finish during the first 3 minutes.

“Of course, I have the purification spell charm, so the shower water is more about the vibes.”

Then I noticed all the level up Revelation Boards appearing and disappearing around me.

“He’s worshiping me from the other stall?”

●

I let the shower water wash over my naked body while I held my hands together to pray to Senpai.

The shower room had two stalls. The entrance led directly into the dressing room with the shower in the back.

The two shower rooms were side by side. In fact, they were a single structure, separated only by the one wall.

“Which means Senpai is naked right on the other side of this thin plastic wall!”

I poured all my energy into my prayer power.

●

“Maybe I was a little too excited since I wore my swimsuit under my clothes.”

I had worn it under the new style uniform I had been wearing. I removed my uniform here and…

“Balancer? Can I send this out for cleaning from here?”

<To ensure your privacy, I will answer from outside the door, but yes, you can. This is part of the divine world, so my general rules remain in effect.>

That made it easier. I had brought the swimsuit and a change of clothes, so I could remove my current clothes here and put on the camping clothes I had bought once I was done.

“I wonder how Sumeragi-kun will react.”

I also had pajamas with me, but would he eat a banana so he could join us in the girls tent? If so…

“I’ll be spending the night with my fav!”

●

“Did you sense some powerful wicked thoughts just now?”

“That isn’t my area of expertise, but I think I did.”

●

Calm down. Calm down, Iwanaga. You’re a shut-in stone goddess who failed to get married. If you get all worked up over this and increase your impurity, the stories about you holding a grudge could become a reality.

“Okay, relax and take deep breaths.”

I inhaled and saw level up Revelation Boards shattering all around me. That meant Sumeragi-kun was worshiping me.

He was taking this so seriously, so I couldn’t ruin it by getting all excited, could I?

No, I couldn’t. Not at all. Calm your excitement. Don’t waste all of Sumeragi-kun’s efforts beyond that wall.

Yes, Sumeragi-kun was on the other side of that wall, naked and worshiping me.

“Gulp…”

There was no mistaking it. Yes, there was just that one wall between us. He was right there beyond it. But he was working so hard to worship me, so I couldn’t make it weird by fantasizing about that. Yes, indecent fantasies were off limits! Let’s see, he’s about this tall and about this wide, so…yes, that’s it! A naked Sumeragi-kun must be standing right about here!

<To ensure your privacy, I will ask this from outside the door, but you aren’t making this weird, are you?>

“H-how rude! I haven’t gotten to that part yet!”

<Excuse me?>

I slapped my cheeks.

Sumeragi-kun was working hard to worship me, so what should I do as his god?

“I deserve to treat myself sometimes, don’t I?”

But treat myself to what? Um, let’s see, what could I do here?

A manga magazine someone left in the clubroom before had a pinup photo at the start. I remembered it showed the girl pushing her breasts together and it had a poem written in the upper right.

“You shine as bright as the summer sunshine! Oh, how dazzling is your smile!”

<To ensure your privacy, I will say this from outside the door, but that kind of poem is overused in sexy pinup photos, but they are so nonsensical it makes me wonder if they are just a random assortment of words. Also, that one is meant to be spoken by the person looking at her, so I seems odd for you to be saying it. Then again, something always seems odd about you.>

“I-I wasn’t asking for your opinion! And that was rude in more ways than one!”

Then I realized something.

“The shower stopped.”

●

<River, ver?>

“Hm? What’s this about?”

“Hm. They keep emerging from the river, but they also look confused.”

“I would think Salacia was coming, but they don’t seem concerned enough for that.”

<River, ver?>

“Hmm. I don’t think they know what it is either. Should we be on our guard?”

●

“Huh? It’s out of water. Can that even happen?”

It was usually cold water that helped focus your mind, but the hot water still increase my Senpai Worshiping Power. Well, maybe it didn’t, but it was still important.

But the shower had stopped.

“Huh? The shower head isn’t working.”

<An ape’s privacy isn’t worth ensuring, so I will say this directly. The part that adjusts the water is the valve, not the head. The head is the part the water comes out of.>

“Huh!? I knew that! I just said the wrong thing! The head is where the water comes out of! Obviously! Does that mean this part here at my crotch is my head!? It must, right!? Huh, that joke wasn’t very funny. And what are you doing barging in on me in the shower!? Are you in love with me!? That must be it! Sorry to break your heart, but I’ve already dedicated my entire being to Senpai.”

<Wow, you just set a new record for creepiness. Congratulations!>

“Please, you flatter me,” I said with a dismissive wave while double-checking the shower hea- the valve.

I put on my glasses to see the “on” and “off” labels clearly and turned it in the “on” direction, but it was already maxed out there.

That meant the water wasn’t coming.

Odd, I thought just before a Revelation Board opened. I looked to see who it was, but it was voice-only.

“Um, Sumeragi-kun? The water has stopped.”

“Wow! Senpai! It stopped for you too!? What a disaster! Now you’re going to get cold! If only I were hot water!”

<Yes, if only. Then you could wash down that drain and join the rest of the sewage.>

“Not in here! In the pipe! Then I could flow out of the pipe as hot water and warm Senpai’s chilled body! Allow me to wash you off, Senpai. Let me know if you want me to wash you anywhere particular.”

“Um, please calm down, Sumeragi-kun.”

“Okay, I’m calm. But what happened? Is the pipe clogged?”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the water monster flowed out from the shower.

“––––––––”

“Wahhhh!?”

●

Kuwajiri saw the idiot run out of the shower room without any clothes on.

She immediately opened a Revelation Board.

“Excuse me, is this the Oume Police Department?”

“Hey! Don’t go to the cops already! You could at least hear me out first! Let’s talk!”

“Um, yes. A naked ape is forcing me to communicate.”

“Heyyyyyyyyyyyy! Don’t accuse me of even worse crimes!”

A divine transmission arrived from her superior.

“Hey, Kuwajiri. The river spirits are restless. Anything weird happening over there?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact. Sumeragi ran out onto the road without any clothes on.”

“Sumeragi-chaaan? Can you at least give us some room to defend your actions?”

“Is he a wild man?”

“What if we get banned from the campsite?”

“Ah ha ha! What an idiot! If you don’t have any clothes, you can use this Karamucho bag.”

“Oh, shut up! And if I put leg holes in the Karamucho bag and wore it, I think all the spices would give me a rash!”

“Wait, Izumi! You can’t be naked in public!”

Kido-senpai removed her own summer coat and handed it to him.

“Th-thanks! I was about to become a guest of the Oume Police Department!”

The idiot put on the long white coat. And seeing that…

<And now he’s a flasher in a coat.>

“Um, yes. He is 165cm tall, skinny, and wearing only a coat.”

“Waiiiiiiit! Don’t let Kido-senpai’s kindness be in vain! Sproing. Oh, and that’s the standard gag, so it’s not a crime!”

“Anyway, Izumi. What happened?”

“Oh, right,” replied the idiot. “The water monster came out of the shower!!”

●

“Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?”

“You! Because of you!!”

The door immediately burst open and the monster emerged.

“––––––!”

“Wh-what’s wrong, Sumeragi-kun!?”

And then Senpai emerged in a swimsuit?

●

“Eh? What?”

“?”

As soon as I left the shower room, that thing left the other room, the one Sumeragi-kun had been using.

It was a collection of blatantly impure water. I had never seen it before, but I knew the answer as soon as our eyes met. This was…

“The water monster! It drip-splash-splooshed out of the shower!”

I thought the way he wiggled around really helped sell that description, but the water monster was on the move.

“…!”

She rushed out toward Sumeragi-kun. I wanted to do something to help, but…

“Uh, um!”

The first thing that came to mind was shutting off the valve in the other shower room.

●

Kuwajiri watched as the water monster lost her ability to move. And…

“––––––”

She fell to her knees, reverted to water, and came apart.

After an audible splash, only a puddle remained.

“If she wanted a mold capable of keeping her form, she should have given herself a larger water supply or sent her main form here.”

“Eh? Y-you mean I did the right thing?”

“Hm? Then why did you shut off the water?”

“Well, uh, I just thought it was best to stop her at the source.”

“So you had the wrong idea but it led you to the right answer.”

“Anyway, what should we do now?”

“I know! Since I was reported to the cops as a naked boy, I should eat a banana to turn myself into a naked girl to throw the cops off my trail!”

Why couldn’t that monster have killed him? wondered Kuwajiri, but that would only mean more work for her come morning. So this was fine. And…

“I’ll purify the water pipes, okay? And if you don’t mind, Kido-san, can you and the others take Sumeragi-kun away from here?”

“Of course. That would be a good idea. Izumi? Please stop scaring the local spirits by opening your coat toward the forest.”

“Okay! Senpai, this is dangerous, so stop as soon as it gets dangerous, okay?”

That sentence seemed a bit confused, but that was probably as close to thoughtful as the idiot could get.

Kuwajiri decided she should stay here as backup. She would call Shifu or Raidou and have them take over for her. Senpai-san was already attaching charms to the shower room’s faucet and water pipes in her swimsuit, so…

“Kido-senpai, please escort Sumeragi down to our campsite.”

The idiot pulled the coat over his head and stuck his hands out the front, but she kind of wished he would always be like that.

But then…

“…!”

The puddle suddenly got up. The road was paved, but the ground was exposed on either side. The water must have flowed over to one side and pooled up enough to regain its strength.

“––––––”

The water monster’s hand stretched sharply toward the idiot.

●

The attack caught me by surprise.

“Sumeragi-kun!”

The water monster we assumed had lost her strength and fallen apart had restarted itself.

What looked like a right hand stretched out further than a human’s height, making it look a lot like a spear.

“––––––!”

It was going to reach Sumeragi-kun. And in that moment…

“!!”

Kido-san took action.

●

Kuwajiri watched.

Kido shoved aside the idiot wearing her coat in order to move between him and the water monster.

She swung her right hand to deflect the water monster’s attack.

“––––––”

With that, the water monster broke apart once more. She had stretched her right arm so far she could no longer keep her shape. After launching an attack like that, she could not recover a second time.

And Kido’s defensive blow made a sound.

A splashing sound.

She had launched a reflexive attack instead of just neutralizing the monster. She had crushed it with brute force. She hadn’t had enough time for anything else. This had successfully stopped the water monster’s full-power attack.

“Kido-san!”

She had saved the idiot. So this should have been a good thing. But Kuwajiri saw Kido in that moment. Senpai-san must have seen the same thing.

“––––––”

The right arm she had used for the defense looked like it had melted. The fingers had sharply extended like serpents, the arm had gained a bluish-purple pattern up past the elbow, and it had grown translucent.

“The water monster?”

●

The transformation vanished a moment later.

Kido-san made it go away with a swing of her right arm. But…

“I will not be explaining this.”

Kido-san said this while looking over her shoulder at Sumeragi-kun. With the coat over his head and being behind Kido-san, it wasn’t clear if he had seen that. But…

“This is the biggest reason why I should leave.”

“Now,” she said.

“I will not run away, so can you clear the shower room for me, Douhai-san?”

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